Take Me Home
by LovinRob
Summary: Bella is a sex addict who has a dark history involving abuse. Will a one night stand with a kind hearted and somewhat shy Edward change her perceptions of the world? And more importantly can he show her that love is tangible?
1. Prologue

**Prologue**

I wake with a start, where am I? It takes a moment for me to realize that I am in my own bed in my own apartment. I look down and see him; he is snoring lightly and has a look of peace on his face. God last night was amazing. I reach over and gently stroke his hair and he lets out a slight moan in response. I smile and think to myself "he really is perfect, too perfect for me." Sooner or later he is going to realize this as well. He will recognize that I am too much damn work, that I carry too much baggage. Simply put I am fucked up and once he realizes that he can't save me he will leave.

I lay back down but it is pointless as I have to be at work in a few hours. Why does everything feel so off? God, everything seems so quiet, I hate that. It feels like the eye of the storm or some shit like that. It's like that movie I saw because Mark Wahlberg was in it. What was its name? Oh yeah, "The Perfect Storm." When all these storms collide with one another until everything in its path is destroyed. That's what it feels like. It's what I used to feel like when I was a kid before all hell would break loose.

I turn and look at him again; I need a diversion, something to take away this ugliness I am feeling inside and make me feel alive. I need him, more than I have needed anyone in my whole life.

"Edward?" I kiss him lightly and move my hand down his chest slowly "Baby, wake up."

If I had known that by the end of the day my life would be "The Perfect Storm" I would have just called in and never left my apartment.

**A/N: Okay this is my first attempt at a fan fiction but I thought what the heck. I have some interesting ideas. This is a slight twist on the stories we normally read as I have Bella as the aggressor and Edward as her prey so to speak. I have some interesting things planned for these two and hope you like it. Please review, let me know what you like and don't like. I will do my best to correct things or explain things better if it seems confusing.**


	2. Ch 1: Beginnings

**Rating: M- this means if you're under 16 be responsible for yourself.**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer is the sole owner of the world of Twilight. **

**I want to thank my Beta's Amanda & Christy, together we are a trifecta of craziness. You two are way beyond AWESOME! I also want to thank the following authors: SleepyValentina, TeamBella23, AngstGoddess003, EdwardsBloodType, HunterHunting & Bella'sExecutioner for inspiring me with such beautifully tragic Bellas. I hope my Bella does you proud.**

You think that by cryin' to me  
>Looking so sorry that I'm gonna believe<br>You've been infected by a social disease  
>Well, then take your medicine<br>I created the sound of madness  
>Wrote the book on pain<br>Somehow I'm still here to explain  
>That the darkest hour doesn't come in the night<br>You can sleep with a gun  
>But when you gonna wake up and fight…for yourself<p>

Sound of Madness by Shinedown

**Chapter 1: Beginnings**

What the fuck is the big deal? Honestly this is just ridiculous. I can't believe I am being forced to come here. What the hell do these people know anyway? It's not my fault. FUCK! Well, maybe it is but still who the hell is she to be sitting there passing judgment on me. She knows nothing about me.

"Ms. Swan?" Oh shit; she was talking all this time.

"I'm sorry, what was that again?"

Dr. Masen gently taps her pen on the notepad in front of her. "I was asking why you felt that these sessions were a waste of time."

"Well isn't it obvious?" I reply curtly. Honestly, why the fuck does she always do that? Repeat my fucking answers back to me. Shit, does she think I forgot what I said?

"Explain to me what you mean by obvious?" There's that damn smug look on her face like she knows something that I don't. I reply in my most calm voice "It's just that I am here because of the court, there really isn't anything wrong with me, I just have to do this shit for what, 8 sessions right? The reality is that this is happening just because I am a woman who knows what she wants sexually and isn't afraid to take it."

"Well that is where the problem may lie don't you think?" Dr. Masen replies in this soft and gentle voice. She is tall and lean, dark hair and eyes with this really fucking soothing voice. This is my second session with her. My first was a disaster. She pissed me off and I walked out of her office after 15 minutes. I mean seriously I didn't realize shrinks still ask some of the shit she was asking. I ended up storming out of her office telling her that this was a waste of my time and hers. Yeah, well the bitch called the court to report me so here I am, again.

Fuck I hate this woman. "I don't think so Dr. Masen. If I was a man this wouldn't be happening, in fact if I was a man I would be considered a God."

"I see, well the court sees it differently. Why do you think they might feel that way?"

"How the hell should I know, this isn't even my fault?" God, this is a damn nightmare.

"Tell me what happened on July 4th" she asked, lightly tapping her pen on her notepad. Seriously, you need to stop that, it's annoying.

"Fucking fireworks shot up into the sky celebrating our independence." Ha! Take that bitch.

"Ms. Swan if you refuse to talk to me I will be forced to advise the court that you are uncooperative. It is my understanding, that in lieu of this incident going on your record, you have agreed to come to these sessions willing. But coming to these sessions means that you are agreeing to participate fully in them. Simply put you either talk to me or the court will enforce the law and from my understanding you don't want your employer to know what happened. Which option do you prefer?" Fuck me! This bitch doesn't play fair. God I wish I had been assigned a male shrink. I probably could have worked that to my advantage.

"Alright, fine I get it. I am just frustrated with all this. It seems ridiculous to me that I am here because I had sex with someone."

"Well, Ms. Swan," Dr. Masen shuffles some papers on her desk and finally settles on a sheet stapled together, she casually turns to the second page, "according to this, you slept with two men during the fireworks display behind the university, both of these men turned out to be underage."

"Well if you already know then why are you asking me?" I try to keep my anger in check but it is definitely bubbling under the surface.

"I suppose I would like to know what your thoughts are on this?" There's that damn look again. What my thoughts are. What the hell kind of question is that?

"You know they told me they were 19, they were coming from a party at the U. Why would I question them? I am not in the habit of asking for ID before I fuck someone. Do you ask for ID before you fuck someone Dr. Masen?" I am seething now, how dare she sit there in her sharp suit with that damn rock on her finger and act like she is better than me.

"Well, I believe it is a little more complicated than that isn't it? It's my understanding that there were drugs involved." I knew it. Fuck!

"I didn't know they had taken anything. I wasn't on drugs. I had a couple of shots of jack to take the edge off but I don't do fucking drugs and I certainly didn't give them any."

"Yes, well I believe that is why the court is being lenient with you. Look Ms Swan I am not here to judge you." Yeah, fucking right, you are judging me right now. I can tell. I arch my brow at her in disbelief. She sighs and continues "I am aware that I am a court appointed psychologist but that doesn't mean that I am not interested in what is going on with you. It doesn't mean that I don't want to help you. But I get very few sessions with you to assess what is going on and make a recommendation. I would hate for it to be based on these court papers (she waves them in my direction) versus what you have to say. So please I need you to be honest with me. Is that something you can do?" she looks at me expectantly.

I sigh and look towards the window in her office. It is hot out today well as hot as Seattle is capable of being, I wish I could just head out to the beach. That's where I think the best. I could listen to the waves crashing on the shore. Except I am nowhere near the damn beach. No, I am in fucking Seattle. One of the wettest places around. How the hell did I end up here? Okay strike that, I know how I ended up here but I'm not telling her that. Shit, she just wants to know why I am addicted to sex. Hell I wish I could tell ya lady but I don't know myself. Figured it is better than being addicted to drugs. I glance back at her and she is still looking at me, patiently waiting to hear my response. I sigh again "yeah, I can do that."

She smiles at me and I think maybe it would be good to talk about shit instead of keeping it inside and then fucking some random guy when it gets to be too much. That hasn't worked out so well for me in the past, including Fucking July 4th. Man, talk about a stupid move. I should have known they were underage. They didn't know what the fuck they were doing and then that bitch Riley had to say something to that damn cop when he stopped us. Fucking amateurs, yep this is definitely my fault.

"Tell me about July 4th" she asks again.

I sigh at her, honestly she doesn't quit. "What do you want to know?"

"Well, for starters how did you feel when all this was happening?"

Hmm, how did I feel? I don't know. Excited at first but then just disappointed. "Can we talk about something else? I don't FEEL like discussing that."

"Tell me about your father?"

Fuck me again. What the hell does he have to do with anything. He's not why I am here. This is the same shit she asked last time. I can't walk out though. When I don't answer she asks another one.

"Then tell me about your mother?"

Oh hell, that's worse than the dad question. My mother is a bitch and I certainly don't want to talk about her. Finally I respond "What do my parents have to do with this? They have nothing to do with July 4th"

"Well, generally we can't move forward if we don't know where we have been."

Where did she get that shit, off of some fortune cookie? "I don't want to talk about my parents."

"I see, well why don't we go back to my original question then. How did you feel about the events of July 4th"

"I felt stupid, alright? At the time it seemed like a good idea but in hindsight, maybe it wasn't," there ya happy, I admitted I fucked up.

"I see, well why did it seem like a good idea?"

Oh for crying out loud. How much longer do I need to sit in here? I look out the window again trying to decide how I should respond. Should I be honest and risk her writing something negative or try to bullshit her. She doesn't seem like someone I can bullshit easily. Fuck it, I would rather talk about July 4th than my parents and since those seem to be the only questions she is willing to ask me. I will go with July 4th.

I turn and look her straight in the eyes and put on my best bitch face "Well Dr. Masen, it seemed like a good idea because I was feeling horny and two young, good looking guys wanted a threesome. When you enjoy sex as much as I do you don't pass up an offer like that." I smile at her as she drops that annoying pen on her desk. Ha, you wanted the truth well you got it sister. Welcome to my world.

**A/N: Okay, yes I know Bella can come off as a bit crass but there is a reason for it. As the story progresses we will learn more about what makes Bella the way she is. **


	3. Ch 2: At First Sight

**Rating: M- this means if you're under 16 be responsible for yourself.**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer is the sole owner of the world of Twilight. **

**Once again thank you to my amazing Beta's A & C for your constant encouragement. You girls are the best!**

With all the power you're releasing  
>It isn't safe to walk the streets alone<br>Anticipation is running through me  
>Let's find the key and turn this engine on<br>I can feel you breathing  
>I can feel your heart beat faster<br>Take me home tonight  
>I don't want to let you go until I see the light<br>Take me home tonight  
>Be my little baby<p>

Take Me Home Tonight by Hinder

**Chapter 2: At First Sight**

Man, that Dr. Masen is a piece of work. I've only seen her a few times now but I must admit she is starting to grow on me. She doesn't take any of my bullshit and I must admit the fact that she didn't freak out too much about my threesome comment was pretty good. Have to give her some props for that. I still don't know about this therapy shit but hey if doing it means I don't have a record and the hospital never finds out I will do it willingly.

God I need a coffee, well really I could use a shot of jack or something and of course I could use a good lay as well. Fuck! Why is it that my mind goes there automatically? Oh yeah, I am a sex addict. That seems like such an artificial thing. Does that even exist? I always figured it was a term made up by a guy to justify why he can't keep his cock in his pants. But I don't know, whatever. All I know is it's been 6 weeks since "the incident," as I am now calling it. I suppose it wouldn't have been so bad if at least the sex was great but damn what a disappointment. Riley and Alec were pretty cute in that surfer sort of way but they were high and didn't know what they were agreeing to. Should have just stuck with Alec, maybe I wouldn't be in this shit storm right now but no, fucking Riley had to come as well. Well I suppose come isn't the best way to put it as he never actually got that far, a smile creeps on my face.

"Miss, what can I get you?"

Huh...oh shit the line was moving, I reply quickly "Grande Caramel Macchiato." I pay for my drink and wait patiently for it. Once it is done I take it and sit in one of the cushy chairs they have and contemplate what I need to do. I know that the hospital doesn't know of this yet or they would have contacted me, brought me in for questioning. I also know that as long as I do these sessions the case will be dropped providing Dr. Masen doesn't recommend something more severe for me. She better not.

Before I can even formulate another thought the most beautiful man I have ever seen walks in. He is tall and lanky with the most beautiful mess of bronze hair imaginable. How the hell does he get it to look like that? He is fumbling with some books trying to put them in his knapsack as he is stepping in. I can't see his face though, come on baby look up and let me see you. Just then he gets his books in order and straightens his knapsack and I see one of the most stunning faces I have ever seen in my life. He has a striking jaw with just a light amount of stubble on him, maybe a day's worth of growth and the most piercing green eyes I have ever seen. I gasp at the sight. What the hell, I don't gasp at men. As he walks by he sees me and smiles then looks away quickly.

Hmm, that's interesting. Is he a little shy? God, that's a turn on. I am immediately aroused. I cross my legs to try and calm myself. Fuck this is what gets me in trouble. Isn't that what Dr. Masen just said not even 30 minutes ago?

"_You know Ms. Swan it seems like you respond to men physically and then only see the sexual desire. Is it possible that you do that so that you don't have to emotionally invest in any of them?" _

At the time I had disagreed with her and simply said that I had no desire to have an emotional invested relationship with anyone. But that as a woman I had desires they could fulfill and that fulfilling those desire was enough for me. We had spent the rest of the session talking about what needs I was allowing to be filled and what needs I wasn't. God it was exhausting. It seems like it's like that every time I leave her office I feel tired already. I wonder why that is.

As I watch him order his drink and then move to the other side to wait for it all I could think about was having him. Shit, I would do him right here on this little cushy chair. God I need to see him naked, feel his chest and work my way down his stomach to that beautiful trail that leads to the promise land. I could straddle him right here with that damn Michael Bublé song they got playing in the background. Hmm, maybe I do have a problem.

He glances my way again and notices I am looking at him. I smile at him and don't look away. He turns slightly as if to check that I was actually smiling at him and not someone near him. Oh, that is cute. Now I definitely want him. He smiles back at me and, my God, he is breathtaking. There should be a law against being that gorgeous. He doesn't seem conceited though. He doesn't walk with the air of someone who has girls throwing themselves at him although I am sure they do. Interesting.

His drink order is called and when he looks back at me I pat the seat next me, motioning for him to come sit with me. He looks around again and then smiles to the ground. Oh, he is just too adorable for words. I can definitely have my way with him. As he walks towards me I get a better look at him and realize he seems a bit young. Great, I better ask for fucking ID.

"Hi, my name is Edward Cullen," he says shyly.

"Hi Edward, my name is Isabella," I say seductively.

He looks down for a minute and then sits down next to me. "You don't have a last name?"

"I don't do last names," I say nonchalantly.

"Why's that?" He looks curiously at me.

"Well, I suppose its cause I want to have some anonymity," and because I seriously want to fuck you right now and don't want you to be all needy and try to see me again afterwards.

"I see," he replies. God, he sounds like Dr. Masen.

"How old are you Edward?" Please be over 18, please be over 18.

"23, how old are you?" He blushes slightly then adds, "Sorry, you don't need to tell me your age." Oh man, I need to show some restraint here but he is definitely making it difficult.

"You don't look 23. I bet you get carded a lot," I say smiling.

He frowns slightly, "Yeah I do, it is frustrating at times."

"Can I see it?" I say looking at him and then slightly lowering my eyes.

"See what?" he asks nervously moving in his seat. I smile as he shifts around uncomfortably. This might be easier than I thought.

"Your ID, I'm curious." He grins and looks down at the coffee he hasn't touched and slightly shakes his head. He then pulls out his wallet and hands me his ID.

Thank God, he is over 18. I smile at the thought that I actually asked to see his ID and if I might say I was somewhat slick about it. Who would have ever thought that would be a prelude to sex. Wonder what Dr. Masen would say to that? As I hand it back I say "that's a nice picture Edward." He takes a sip of his coffee as I continue "So where were you headed with all those books?"

"I was headed back to my apartment. I am taking summer classes and just came from the library. I thought I would grab a coffee on my way home." Hmm, an apartment nearby? That is convenient. A sign perhaps?

"So would you like some company?" I ask as he stares at me in shock. Oh yes Edward, I am that forward. Trust me baby, you won't regret it. Come on gorgeous, you know you want me. I can see you shifting and I can sense the erection you are trying to hide from me. Let me take care of you. It seems to take him forever to make a decision about this.

"Yes," he replies just above a whisper.

I take a sip of my coffee, assessing what I have just asked him. Should I be doing this? Probably not, it doesn't bode well for my therapy and Dr. Masen is going to say this proves I am a sex addict which I keep telling her I am not but hot damn if I don't want him. He is an adult, as am I and we are completely capable of making our own decisions. Like I told Dr. Masen a couple of weeks ago if I were a guy they would call me a sex God but since I am a woman somehow it is unacceptable. Well, fuck em. I am going to fuck Edward Cullen and make him mine and I don't give a shit what Dr. Masen has to say or the fucking courts or anyone else for that matter.

I stand up and reach my hand to him "Why don't you take me home Edward?"

**A/N: Okay well here we go folks, now you knew she was gonna do him first chance she got. She is a sex addict after all and Edward is the most beautiful man she has ever seen. But will she be able to stop at one time. We shall see. **


	4. Ch 3: Awakening

**Rating: M- this means if you're under 16 be responsible for yourself.**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer is the sole owner of the world of Twilight. **

**Once again thank you to my amazing Beta's A & C for your constant encouragement and support. Also, a shoutout to Icy for introducing me to this song in MOTU II, I just love it! Okay, this chapter is dedicated to all my girls at Robsessed. As you may all recall our first Robsession Class under Tink's tutelage was…. rather enjoyable. This chapter was let's say a creative way to channel my after class energy...LOL…. ENJOY!**

If there's lessons to be learned  
>I'd rather get my jamming words in first<br>So when you're playing with desire  
>Don't come running to my place when it burns like fire<br>Sweet about me  
>Nothing sweet about me<p>

Sweet About Me by Gabriella Cilmi

**Chapter 3: Awakening**

He takes my hand and I help him up. He looks at me, confused at first, but then smiles as he turns to reach for the book bag he has set near the table along with his coffee. As we walk to his place, which turns out to be just a few blocks from the university, we say very little. He seems nervous. He keeps running his hand through his hair messing it up even more than it already is. God I hope he isn't a virgin. Nah, he is too pretty to have never gotten laid before. Maybe he is used to picking up girls and isn't sure what he is supposed to do. Hey Bella Swan doesn't play. I don't do those childish games of weeks of flirting and causal dating before getting satisfied. If I want someone I tell them straight out. If they want me too then we have some fun, if they don't, yeah right, when has that ever happened. Well, if it did happen, I would just say see ya because there are always other fish in the sea. Getting laid has never really been an issue for me. Yeah Swan that's the problem now isn't it. What was it Dr. Masen was saying?

"_Seems that sex is just a means to an end for you. Are you really satisfied by having one night flings all the time?" _Fuck, get out of my head Masen, you are not ruining this for me. And yes, having one night flings does satisfy me. Besides it is daytime now so this doesn't count. I smile at this wayward thought.

We finally approach a duplex. It is modest, something a student would rent. He hesitates at the door and then looks at me. He looks embarrassed as he starts to ramble, once again pulling his hand through his hair.

"I have roommates and they aren't always the cleanest people around. I am not sure what we will find when I open this door. I was at my mom and dad's over the weekend so I haven't been home yet. I just went straight to the library when I got back in, hence me lugging this around," as he raises the knapsack he is holding.

Oh, so that is what he was nervous about. I try to reassure him "I am sure it is fine, we will bob and weave around everything until we reach your room. Is it safe to assume that your room is presentable?" I smirk at him as I say this last part.

He laughs a little and smiles at me before turning to the door unlocking it, "yeah, my room is presentable."

When he opens the door he was right to warn me. My God his roommates are slobs. There are empty beer cans everywhere, clothes on the floor and old cartons of fast food in various parts of the room. These boys obviously are single because I can't imagine a woman allowing her man to live like this. We literally have to weave around everything until we reach his room.

As we enter I drop my purse to the ground and I take a good look around, walking to see his pictures and his books. Hmm, he is well read. I wonder what his major is? Not that I plan on asking him. He doesn't have any family pictures that I see, just one of him with two other guys, maybe his roommates and then another of him with a girl. She's short with dark hair spiked up in crazy directions. Wonder if that's the girlfriend?

"Can I get you anything," he asks.

I turn around and smile at him as I speak "No, everything I need is in this room."

At this he leans back against his door and puts his hands in his pockets.

"Are your roommates here" I ask as I start to walk towards him. He shakes his head as I approach him

"You have the most perfect lips and they have been begging me to kiss them since you walked into Starbucks today."

I am mere inches from his pouty lips. He leans in and kisses me, lightly at first testing me. I gently pull his bottom lip into my mouth and suck it. He lets out a soft moan as I do this and closes his eyes, and then I begin moving my tongue over his top lip. He opens his mouth slightly and I take this as my cue as I sweep my tongue into his perfect mouth. He tastes divine, like coffee and mint, hmm my new favorite taste. We begin exploring each other's mouth, him tentatively, me expertly. For I know what I want and I know how to get it.

"I've never done this before," he says softly in between kisses.

Shit, what does he mean by that? Oh god, please don't tell me you're a virgin. I just wanted a quickie. I don't want to teach you how to get me off. I need to know what he means by this so I ask casually

"What haven't you done before? Kissing or picking up a girl at a coffee shop and bringing her home with you?"

I start gently kissing his jaw line working my way to just below his ear. He moans softly then says "the second part."

"Are you regretting your decision," I ask as I start kissing down his neck sucking gently at various points along the way as he moans in response.

"Ugh, not at all." He lets out a breathy gasp. "Things like this happen to Emmett and Jasper, well not so much Jasper anymore, but definitely Emmett and certainly not me," he says softly as he begins running his hands up and down my back.

"Why is that?" I ask as I begin working my way back to his lips.

"I think I spend too much time in the library working on my thesis, I mean I go out but," he lets out a low groan as I nibble on his ear lobe.

"But what?" I ask.

He is hesitant but then replies "I have only been single for about 6 months now."

"Hmm, so have you been with anyone since her?" I ask running my tongue over his top then bottom lip.

He closes his eyes and takes my bottom lip into his mouth, he sighs gently as he says "No."

"Well, how about I help you forget all about her," I say as I start kissing him again.

As I deepen our kiss I move my hands to his pants and undo them quickly slipping my hand inside to wrap around his cock. Hmm, nice. Definitely better then Riley. He moans as my hand moves up and down his length. He kisses me harder and moves his hands down my back and up my thigh. He begins to undo my pants as I push his along with his boxers to the ground. We stop kissing for only a moment as I grab his shirt and lift it over his head. My god he is glorious. He has defined abs and is tight, not body builder tight but I take care of myself and work out kind of tight. I let my eyes move down his beautiful trail of hair leading to his well endowed cock. He is quite stunning and I stare at him as I take off my shirt and pants. He watches as my bra falls to the ground and then my panties. He doesn't say a word but his breathing accelerates.

Well, all I know is it would be a damn shame to leave this room without having tasted him. With my eyes never leaving his I drop to my knees and put him in my mouth. He closes his eyes and lets out a guttural moan which only spurs me on. I move my mouth over his head, gently sucking it before taking more of him in.

His breathing has picked up and he is mumbling "don't stop, that feels so good".

You bet your pretty little ass it feels good. You are getting head by an expert here. I sweep my tongue around his length coming back to his head where I lick across and around it. He continues to moan as he grabs my hair, gripping it tightly. Oh yeah, you're gonna be dreaming about this tonight aren't you. Who am I kidding, I will be too.

I continue moving my mouth up and around him, grazing my teeth along the way and becoming more aroused by every sound that leaves that beautiful mouth of his. My god, I need him, right now. So without stopping what I am doing I reach for my purse which thankfully is near me and dig around until I find my condoms. Hell yeah I carry condoms. What self respecting single woman who enjoys sex doesn't? His eyes are still closed enjoying what I am doing to him. When he hears the wrapper tear his eyes shoot open just as he sees me putting a condom on his massive length.

My voice is raspy as I say "I want you to take me here, right against this door."

He nods as I stand and kiss him again. He turns me around and pushes me against the door lifting me up. I wrap my legs around his waist to allow him access to me. He reaches between us and guides his cock to my entrance. We both let out an urgent moan as we are overcome with the sensations of him entering me. Oh God he feels good. He fills me completely and with every thrust I hit the door. He is slamming into me so hard I swear we might break the damn door down. Hell, it would be worth it. He is grunting with every thrust and I realize he hasn't had sex in six months. Shit this may be quicker than anticipated. I need to do something and do it quick before my quickie really is a quickie.

"Don't come yet," I say as he repositions me trying to get deeper.

"I am close," he replies through clenched teeth.

Oh hell, he better not come before he gets me off or I am going to be seriously pissed off. I groan and say "I said don't come yet, I am not ready,"

I bite down on his neck, sucking hard. His breathing is ragged now and he lets out another guttural moan before saying "okay" as he repositions me again and begins thrusting rapidly, oh yeah that is it.

"Yes, right there, right there. FUCK. Harder,"

I yell as he hits my spot over and over. I move my hands to his hair fisting them tightly in his soft locks and pulling his mouth closer to me. He groans as I kiss him heatedly, loving every minute of him being inside of me. Not wanting this feeling to ever stop. It's like he has awakened something inside of me that I didn't even know was asleep.

"Shit, are you close, I don't think I can hold off much longer," he pleads in between raspy breathes.

"Yes I'm close, real close, FUCK, go harder, harder, yes, yes," and I come gloriously around him, my orgasm spurring his.

We fall to the floor, breathing hard, not able to say anything. Fuck that was good. He looks up at me with those beautiful green eyes and begins kissing me reverently.

Holy shit, I haven't come that hard in a long time. Shit, has anyone ever given me an orgasm on the first try? Not that I recall. Usually I have to endure a few wasted fucks before they get it right. Hmm, Edward you might be a keeper, wait, what the hell did I just say? Fuck, Bella. You need to get out of here. You got your quick release now it's time to go. You cannot just _"hang out" _with him because you don't do that, plus you have a shift at the hospital in a few hours. God, he is stunning and he can fuck, I will give him that. But I can't get attached to him. I can see that it would be easy to do but I am no good for someone like him. Shit! A soft voice breaks me from my thoughts

"Will you stay with me for a bit? I don't want you to leave unless you have to of course but if you don't can you stay."

He was rambling, he's nervous again and there goes that hand in his hair again. Definitely a nervous habit. Except now his hair is all wet from sweat and is a mess, thanks to me I might add.

Well normally I wouldn't stick around for too long but geez I am not sure I have had enough of him yet. Maybe I can stay for a little bit. As long as we don't talk about me that will be okay. Oh who am I kidding, I don't plan on talking at all. Shit! I need to nip this in the bud.

"I am not sure that I can stay today, this was somewhat unexpected and I have to be at work in a few hours." Shit! He looks hurt. Why do I even care?

"I see," he sighs and then looks at me, piercing my soul with those damn green eyes of his "Can I convince you to ditch work?" he smirks at me. Oh hell, he doesn't know who he's dealing with.

I smile as I run my hand down his chest gently stroking him, hmm, someone is ready again "Well, I am too old to "ditch" work as you say but I am curious what you had in mind?"

At this he grabs me, pulling me up, kissing me fervently, and walking me backwards until my legs hit his bed. He pushes us until he is lying on top of me. He runs his hands over my breast gently squeezing and tugging on my nipple playing with the ring I have pierced there. He moves his mouth down my neck and over to the nipple he is playing with.

"I like this," he says as he gently tugs my ring again, pulling it into his mouth.

I let out a low moan and bring my hand into his hair, pulling it lightly causing him to moan in response. God he has soft hair. He moves his hand from my other breast and works his way down further gently moving over my clit until he finally slips his finger inside me. I groan in response to his touch. He moves his mouth from my breast and starts working downward.

"Oh yes, please," I moan as he licks my clit.

He looks up at me and smiles and brings his mouth down on me and then replaces his fingers with his tongue. Oh God this man's tongue is amazing. Why isn't he with someone? I moan and writhe under him, trying my best to hold back my impending orgasm but it is in vain. I climax hard and as he continues to suck and lick all I can think about is having him inside me again.

"Get a condom, I want you inside me."

He comes back to my mouth and is kissing me hard, I can taste myself on his tongue and it is mixing with the coffee and mint. Oh my god, this is almost too much. He reaches into a drawer next to his bed, never taking his mouth from mine and I hear him rip the package open and before I know it he is inside me again. I groan in response as does he.

He is thrusting into me and it feels so good but I need to be in control here, not him. I break my kiss as I tell him to lie on his back and then immediately start kissing him again. He rolls us over so that I am on top. I shift my position removing my mouth from his and start moving up and down on his cock. He closes his eyes as he throws his head back parting his lips slightly.

"Open your eyes Edward, I want you to watch me."

He opens them and they are dark and hooded. I move my hands over my breasts and down to gently stroke my clit. His mouth parts and his breathing becomes ragged.

"Do you want to touch me Edward?"

I take his hands and follow the same path that my hands did and watch as his back arches and he thrusts inside of me.

"You feel so good" he says between raspy breathes.

I start moving faster on top of him, that combined with his touch is bringing me closer to the edge again. I can feel him twitching inside me and I know he is close as well.

"Make me come Edward."

He groans in response and begins stroking my clit faster and faster until I can't take it anymore. He thrusts into me, screaming my name as he comes, spurring my own orgasm. I lay my head on his shoulder trying to come down from my high and then swiftly remove myself from him.

He looks at me surprised and sits up quickly, "Are you leaving?"

"Yes, I told you I had to leave." I smile at him and add "you convinced me to stay for a bit but I can't stay any longer. I need to get home and shower. I can't go to work smelling like sex," I lean over to him and kiss him gently, "someone would notice."

I walk over to where my clothes are and pull them on quickly. He is sitting on the edge of the bed now, watching me get ready. He starts running his hand through his hair again and looks down for a second before looking back up at me.

I walk over to him, standing between his legs. I bring my hands to his face and kiss him passionately. He looks up at me with such longing in his eyes. He is too good for me and I am being selfish. I can't keep him. I would corrupt him. He deserves someone who doesn't have all the baggage that I carry.

"You know I had a great time?"

"So did I, I wish you could stay longer."

"Me too, but that is not in the cards for us." Please understand, please.

"Why won't you tell me your last name?"

"Because I don't want any complications." He frowns and his brows come together slightly. I gently kiss where they come together and then sigh "Look Edward, I like you but I don't do relationships and you seem like the kind of guy who does."

"I think I am old enough to know what I want or don't want," he says indignantly.

"Yes, you are, but really you don't want me. I am a mess and not girlfriend material. You can't bring someone like me to meet your parents. Hell I haven't even been on a date in years. It's just not who I am."

I run my fingers through his hair one last time and kiss him gently on the mouth. He opens his mouth slightly and lets me deepen the kiss. We kiss for several moments before I pull away.

"So I can't see you again. Is that what you're saying?" There is sadness now in his voice.

God I am such a bitch, no wonder bad shit happens to me.

"Yes, that's what I am saying." I move away from him and stop him as he starts to get up. "I know my way out," and with that I walk out the door.

Holy shit! That was a lot harder than it normally is. What the hell. I have to fight the urge to turn around and go check on him. But I know I can't. Besides it's better this way. It always is. I glance at my phone. Shit! I need to hurry. I can't be late.

**A/N: Well let's see if Bella really can say goodbye to Edward. Hmm, not sure that I could but this is Bella we are talking about.**


	5. Ch 4: New World Order

**Rating: M- this means if you're under 16 be responsible for yourself.**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer is the sole owner of the world of Twilight.**

**Once again thank you to my amazing Beta's A & C for your constant encouragement and support. I love that you two adore these two as much as I do.**

* * *

><p>Now listen to me baby<br>Before I love and leave you  
>They call me heart breaker<br>Don't want to deceive you  
>If you fall for me, I'm not easy to please<br>I might tear you apart, told you from the start  
>I'm only gonna break your heart<p>

Break Your Heart by Taio Cruz

**Chapter 4: New World Order**

**EPOV**

"Open your eyes Edward, I want you to watch me."

I open them and stare at the most beautiful sight I have ever seen. She is moving her hands over her breasts playfully tugging at her nipples making the ring in her left breast move around and then she slowly moves her hands down further until she is gently stroking her clit. OMG! I swear I almost come at the sight, my breathing becomes very ragged as I try to contain the orgasm that I am aching to have.

"Do you want to touch me Edward?"

I can't seem to move as she takes my hands in hers and begins to follow the same path that her hands just did. Oh God, my back arches and I thrust inside of her.

"You feel so good," I say between my raspy breathes.

She starts moving faster on top of me. I am so close that I can feel myself twitching inside of her.

"Make me come, Edward."

I groan as she says this and begin stroking her clit faster and faster until I feel her explode around me. I thrust into her screaming "Bella, oh God, Bella" as I release inside of her.

She lays her head on my shoulder and I am thinking God, this has been the best afternoon ever but then suddenly she swiftly removes herself from me.

What the hell is she doing, I ask stunned, "Are you leaving?"

"Yes, I told you I had to leave," she smiles at me and then adds "you convinced me to stay for a bit but I can't stay any longer. I need to get home and shower. I can't go to work smelling like sex," she leans over and kiss me softly, "someone would notice."

I watch as she walks over to where her clothes are and starts getting dressed. I am confused. Didn't I just give her three damn orgasms and she is just getting dressed like nothing even happened. I am sitting on the edge of the bed now, trying to get my thoughts in order.

Next thing I know she is standing between my legs, holding my face and kissing me passionately. God, this woman is damn confusing. I am seriously not ready for her to leave though. Hell we could spend the rest of the day in bed. That would be alright with me.

"You know I had a great time," she states bringing me out of my thoughts.

"So did I, I wish you could stay longer." God, I sound pathetic.

"Me too, but that is not in the cards for us."

"Why won't you tell me your last name?" I seriously don't understand this.

"Because I don't want any complications." I frown at this, so I am a complication huh? She leans in again and then gently kisses me in between my eyebrows and sighs before continuing "Look Edward, I like you but I don't do relationships and you seem like the kind of guy who does."

"I think I am old enough to know what I want or don't want." Geez, I am not some kid

"Yes, you are but really you don't want me. I am a mess and not girlfriend material. You can't bring someone like me to meet your parents. Hell I haven't even been on a date in years. It's just not who I am"

She starts running her fingers through my hair as she talks and kisses me again. I open my mouth slightly and we deepen our kiss. God she is a good kisser and for a moment I forget what I was asking her.

"So I can't see you again. Is that what you're saying?" I ask, just trying to make sure I have a grasp of what is happening.

"Yes, that's what I am saying."

I start to get up so I can at least walk her to the door, maybe see if I can convince her to stay. But she stops me telling me that she knows her way out. Geez, what the hell just happened?

I get up and grab my clothes and get dressed quickly, see if I can catch her before she heads out but I am too late. Damn, what did she do sprint out the door. I thought we had a good time. Apparently all girls don't like to cuddle after sex. Maybe that's just a myth.

I look at the mess that is the living room and start picking shit up. God I can't believe they had a party when I was gone. I hope Jasper didn't fuck around on my sister. He's my friend but I will seriously beat the shit out of him if he hurts her. Fuck, why am I cleaning up this mess? I didn't even make it.

Finally I just sit on the couch and put my head back. I start thinking about Bella and her soft skin, her breasts were perfect and damn she had a nipple ring. That was so hot and the way she moaned when I tugged on it. God I am getting hard just thinking about it. She is definitely experienced but what is the deal with the last name? Shit, she didn't even give me her number.

Just then the door opens and Emmett and Jasper walk in laughing.

"Hey E, your back. How was Daddy C and your lovely mom?" Emmett says and wags his eyebrows.

God he is such a putz sometimes. "They are fine, so I see you guys had company?"

Jasper laughs at this and I glare at him, he finally says, "Hey E, don't look at me that way, I hid in my room while Emmett threw his crazy party."

"Well, that's good cause I would hate to have to kick your ass if you cheated on my sister."

"Hell, Alice would kick my ass personally if I even THOUGHT about cheating on her."

"So what have you been up to? Oh wait, let me guess, you went to the library?" Emmett says laughing.

"Ha, ha but yes, I did and then I went for coffee,"

I say the word coffee a smile creeps on my face as I remember Bella sitting there and motioning for me to sit with her. Which of course leads me to thinking about the door and then the bed and before I know it I am hard again. Shit! I look up and Emmett and Jasper are both looking at me.

"Something you want to talk about E?"

"Um, well I met someone at the coffee shop."

Now they both sit down, eyeing me speculatively. "Really?" Emmett says.

"And we sort of came back here."

Emmett and Jasper look at each other and then back at me. Then Emmett gets up and walks over to me moving my head to the side. What the hell!

"Looks like you finally got laid, that's a nice hickey Bro. Before, during or after?" he asks.

Oh yeah, that was at the door. I close my eyes as I remember how it felt to be inside her, how demanding she had been. I had never actually tried NOT to come before, that was a lot more difficult than I thought it would be. But something told me she would have been pissed off if I didn't do what she said.

I finally let out a sigh and say "during."

"Hell YEAH E! Alright, spill it."

Geez, he's worse than a girl. But I proceed to tell them about Bella. How we met at the coffee shop, how we had sex against the door and then in the bed and then finally how she basically told me thanks, see ya. By the time I am done they are both staring at me. Shit. It's not like I am a virgin or anything. I have had sex before, a lot in fact, just not in the last six months and of course I am not in the habit of bringing girls to our place.

"So, let me get this straight. You picked up a girl at Starbucks, took her back here, fucked her, twice and then she got dressed and left," Jasper states mater of factly.

"Uh, yeah I guess except she sort of picked me up." Okay, I am not sure this is going to well on my part.

"Geez E. You got seriously played. I bet Bella wasn't even her real name," Emmett says laughing. Why is this funny asshole. I don't think this is funny.

"No I am sure Bella is her real name and yeah I get it, I guess I only thought guys did that whole pick up someone and then leave without a word." God, am I really as naïve as I sound?

"Well, at least you got laid and you have an actual visual now to jack off to later." Emmett states grinning, then gets up to walk into the kitchen.

"Fuck you Emmett. Why don't you clean your shit up?" I state furiously and get up walking back to my room, slamming the door with emphases.

* * *

><p>The rest of the week seemed to go by so slowly. I went to the coffee shop every day hoping I would catch her again. I know that is pathetic but I couldn't get her out of my mind. I dreamed of her every night and jacked off to thoughts of her more times that I care to count. Now I am supposed to meet my sister for lunch and am not looking forward to it. She is ultra bubbly and always happy and unfortunately will be able to see right through me and know something is up. I don't really want to tell her I was on the receiving end of a one night, well one day stand. Geez, how pathetic is that?<p>

"Hey Edward," she greets me and gives me one of her patented full blown hugs.

"Hey Al, you look great," I say sitting down.

"Thanks." Then she really looks at me. Shit, here it comes. "Edward what's wrong?"

"Nothing is wrong, just got a lot on my mind, school and everything."

I pick up the menu even though I already know what I am going to get. She continues to stare at me as if she can see me through the menu. Luckily the waitress saves me and we give our orders.

"You know you can't hide anything from me Edward." I don't say anything and take a sip from my water. "Is this about that coffee shop girl?" Fuck, I can't believe Jasper told her about Bella. I swear those two are worse than girls.

"Coffee shop girl?" I ask with a glare.

"Well, Jasper didn't tell me too much, just that you had met someone at the Starbucks near the apartment." Hmm, maybe I won't have to kill him after all. "Of course he did say that she didn't stay very long," then she smiles into her water. Fuck, I take that back, I am going to kill him.

"Go ahead, spit it out Al, obviously you have something to say about all this,"

"Look Edward, I am just glad you are trying to date again, after all the stuff with Kate I have been worried about you."

I sigh, I knew she would bring up Kate "You know Al, I'm not sure getting laid constitutes as dating now a days and I don't feel bad about what happened to Kate. It wasn't my fault," well, the part about Kate is a lie but I have spent six months trying to convince myself that what happened was not my fault.

"Do you really believe that Edward?" she asked hopeful.

"Yes," but my voice is shaky and I know she doesn't believe me, why should she when I don't even believe me.

"You know it wasn't your fault, right? Kate would have done what she did either way."

Alice has always been sympathetic to me, she understands me better than anyone yet she doesn't get that Kate wouldn't have done what she did if it weren't for me, at least that's what she said in her note.

"Yeah, well that's one theory now isn't it?"

I sigh and look outside at the people walking, wondering if their lives were as fucked up as mine seems to be at this moment. I don't know how long I watched the people outside but eventually our server comes with our food.

"So tell me about this girl you met," Alice states excitedly.

I'll give her this; she knows when I don't want to talk about something and is great at shifting a conversation. Maybe she should have been a therapist like mom versus a fashion consultant.

"Her name is Bella and she is the most beautiful woman I have ever met." God, I really am hopeless. "But, I don't know, I can't stop thinking about her but have no way of seeing her again. I don't even know her last name. Pathetic huh?"

Alice smiles, "No, nothing you do is pathetic, but you know, it was chance that you met in the first place so maybe chance will bring you together again," and there it is, the ultimate optimist.

God I love my sister.

* * *

><p>"You know you two are idiots don't you?"<p>

Two grown men trying to wrestle is a ridiculous sight. They do this every week. Emmett is definitely stronger. He's built like a football player. To say he is huge would be an understatement but Jasper is fast and shifty. He is not intimidated by Emmett's size at all. I just sit and watch them be the idiots they are and knowing one of these days one of them is going to get seriously hurt.

"Shut up E, this is serious. We are tied up and today, today is the day I am taking Jasper down," Emmett states as he stalks Jasper around the room.

"You think so huh?" Jasper says with a grin on his face.

Jasper is so nonchalant about everything that it is almost freaky. I watch them go back and forth, Emmett trying to flip Jasper and then Jasper slipping through his hands. I should video tape them and put it on YouTube or something. Maybe there's a category for stupid roommate videos. Next thing I know I hear a loud crash and glass breaking.

"Shit what happened?" I say as I turn to see Emmett on the ground with blood on his head and Jasper kneeling down next to him.

"Shit, I clothes lined him and his head hit the end table," Jasper says in a panic.

"Emmett what the hell, are you okay, your bleeding all over the place?" I ask.

"Fuck, that shit hurt. I'm alright but I feel dizzy. What the fuck Jasper? This doesn't count, you cheated." Oh, hell. Now I know he is delirious. I better get his stupid ass to the hospital.

"Come on let's get to the ER, I think you need some damn stitches, maybe they can replace your brain as well." I chuckle except neither Emmett nor Jasper think that is very funny. "Sorry, but come on, sooner or later one of you two idiots was gonna get hurt. The odds were against you."

"Fuck you E," they both say in unison.

God I hate waiting in the ER, people everywhere and geez Emmett is over here whining like a baby. I hope he is honest with why he is here. Shit that will be funny, him trying to explain this big gash on his head. I laugh to myself as I hear the nurse call Emmett's name.

So we all stand and walk with him to a bed in back. The nurse asks him all sorts of questions and I am laughing as he is trying to explain how he was showing some moves to Jasper and tripped, landing on the table. He just keeps glaring at me but honestly does he think she is buying that bullshit. She finally says the doctor will be with us shortly and he lays in on me.

"Fuck, E. If you're gonna be an asshole just wait in the fucking hall," Emmett says through clenched teeth and I think if I wasn't his ride home he would punch me.

"Alright, alright I'm sorry but your seriously trying to pick up on the nurse when you've got this big gash on your head cause Jasper dropped you to the ground, come on that's funny as hell."

"Fuck you, Jasper caught me unexpected." At this Jasper huffs and rolls his eyes.

"Well I was feeling sorry for you but not so much anymore and by the way Emmett, this does count, so I am one up on you," Jasper states and then grins at me.

Just then the doctor walks in. This tall Native American guy. He introduces himself as Dr. Black and he seems nice enough. He laughs when Emmett tells him what happened and looks at his wound.

"You definitely need stitches. I'll have the nurse clean around the area, then I'll stitch you up and we'll get you guys out before your next match is up," and with that he walks out smiling.

We are laughing and joking while we are waiting when I hear something that stops my heart.

"Which room is the consult in? They told me bed 12 but there isn't anyone there."

It can't be. Can it? I get up and walk past the curtain and there she is talking to Dr. Black. Holy shit! She's a doctor here? What are the odds and I remember what Alice said earlier this week

"_It was chance that you met in the first place so maybe chance will bring you together again."_

I have to do something. I have to say something to her. I can't let her walk away without seeing her again. I take a deep breath and try to settle myself down.

"Isabella?"

She turns around and a mixture of emotions crosses her face until she finally smiles at me and all my fear and worry about losing something I never had in the first place disappears because she's here right now. Chance has brought us together again and this time she is not sneaking out. I smile at her and wonder if she has thought about me as much as I have thought about her in the past 11 days. I hope so.

"Hi Edward."

When she finally speaks I know she has missed me as well. The rest is just details that we'll figure out.

* * *

><p><strong>AN … Ah, poor Edward has got it bad…well, what will she do, what will he do and hmmmmmmm, will they do it together…LOL… Back to Bella's POV next chapter so we can see what that crazy gal has been up to but seriously, how could you NOT fall in love with Edward?**


	6. Ch 5: Careful

**Rating: M- this means if you're under 16 be responsible for yourself.**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer is the sole owner of the world of Twilight.**

**Once again thank you to my amazing Beta's A & C for your constant encouragement and support and of course for understanding that I have issues with commas, okay punctuation in general….LOL**

* * *

><p>I settle down<br>A twisted up frown  
>Disguised as a smile, well<br>You would have never known  
>I had it all but not what I wanted<br>'Cause hope for me was a place uncharted  
>And overgrown<p>

You'd make your way in  
>I'd resist you just like this<br>You can't tell me to feel  
>The truth never set me free<br>So I did it myself

You can't be too careful anymore  
>When all that is waiting for you<br>Won't come any closer  
>You've got to reach a little more<p>

-Careful by Paramore

**Chapter 5: Careful**

**BPOV**

I close the door behind me and let out a sigh. What the hell is going on with me? I had to practically run from his house to fight the urge to go back in and call in sick. Usually I can't wait to get the hell away and have some distance but I don't know what it was about him. I know it wasn't the sex because, although that was great, I have had lots of great sex and never felt this way. I glance at the clock again, shit I need to get in the shower.

"Hey Swan, you up to going out this Saturday?" Rosalie Hale asks as she peeks into the break room.

"Yeah, of course, absolutely," I reply.

"Great, hey what's up, you seem weird, well weirder than usual?" She responds.

"I don't know, I met this guy earlier and I don't know, I just feel off"

She laughs, "Oh really, Bella Swan met a guy, Oh my God, let me write this down."

"Fuck you Rosalie."

"Well if I had a dick you probably would," she says as she goes to get a coffee.

I flip her off and she laughs as I exit the break room heading towards surgery. I need to get my shit together. I didn't make it in this specialty by being weak and getting all worked up over a guy is definitely a weak move on my part. Fuck him.

"Dr. Swan?"

"Yes, just give me a moment."

* * *

><p><em>He's kissing me gently, "stay with me Bella, please."<em>

I wake with a start. What the hell. Fuck! This has got to stop, it's been five days since I was with him and I can't stop thinking about him, dreaming about him. God I need to do something. I pick up the phone next to the bed.

"Hey, what are doing?"

"Geez, Bella what time is it?"

"3:00 a.m. Are you busy? Is Leah with you?"

"No, she is working a late shift tonight."

"Want to come over?"

"Have I ever told you no?"

"Then get your ass over here."

30 minutes later Jake arrives at my house. The minute he enters I start kissing him fiercely, reaching down to undo his pants.

"Fuck Bella. What's going on with you? It's been months since you've called me and now you call in the middle of the night. Are you okay?"

"You know Jake, I didn't call you over to talk to me, I called you over to fuck me, is this something you can handle? If not, get the hell out."

He stares at me for a while, trying to decide what to do. I know he has wanted more from me for a long time. I know that's probably why he hasn't married Leah yet but he should know by now that I'm not capable of more than this. I don't even like him in that kind of way but he is convenient and he'll come at 3:00 in the morning if I call. Plus if I need some release at work I can see him there, although that isn't always good either since his stupid ass has called me into the ER on more than one occasion just to cop a feel. Geez, I just need to quit thinking about Edward. Is that too much to ask?

"Fuck Bella, you're really a bitch sometimes do you know that?"

"Yes, Jake as a matter of fact I do know that, so are you staying or what?"

"Staying."

* * *

><p>"<em>Bella, you feel so good, I want to be inside of you."<em>

"_Oh God, Edward, I love you."_

I spring up from my bed drenched in sweat. I look around confused, where the hell am I? FUCK! What the hell is happening to me? It was one fucking day. I've been fucking Jake for almost three years and I have never dreamed about him. I look at the clock, 6:00 am Saturday. Well, at least I will be drunk tonight so maybe I can have one night where those damn green eyes don't haunt me. Later that night I meet up with Rosalie at the club.

"Hey Rosalie."

"Hey Swan, you ready to have some fun?"

"Of course, I am ALWAYS ready for fun."

I head to the bar and order a couple of shots and down them quickly. Ah, Jack, you never let me down. I motion to the bartender for a couple more. I down one as I scan the room to check out the prospects for the evening. I down my fourth shot and am starting to feel the slow steady burn in my head and body.

"Can I buy you a drink?" asks a blond haired man who looks to be about 22 or 23, trying a little too hard to look cool.

"Sure." I motion for the bartender to give me a couple more shots, I'm gonna need it.

"My name's Mike. What's yours?"

"Bella." I down my next two shots back to back. Oh yeah, no Edward dreams tonight.

"Want to go dance?"

"Sure."

I'm not saying I am the best dancer out there but I know how to work my body. Always have. This Mike guy seems nice enough I suppose but he can't dance for shit. Now I can't prove this but from my own personal experience when a man can't dance he probably can't fuck either. I mean he'd know the basics because that is genetically ingrained in the Y chromosome but rhythm and being in tune to a woman's needs are probably not going to happen. So the question becomes do I still fuck him knowing he probably won't satisfy me?

"Hey Mike, you want to take off?"

He smiles like he just scored a jackpot or something. Geez, this is definitely a mistake but what's new?

"Sure, let's head out."

We drive to his apartment in town and he takes me upstairs. He has a nice place probably comes from money because a man his age wouldn't have a place like this. Not that I asked him what he did for a living or anything personal for that matter.

"Can I get you anything?" I sigh as I remember a green eyed god saying the same thing to me just five days ago.

"Yeah, whiskey, I don't care what kind but if you have Jack Daniels I would prefer that."

I down it quickly and smile at him. I run my hand down his face and kiss him lightly on the mouth. He deepens the kiss and I am already regretting being here. He continues to kiss me as he walks me back to his bedroom. We get undressed quickly and he lays me down on the bed kissing me and moving his hands over my body.

"Um, Edward, touch me right there."

Oh Shit! Did I say that out loud? He stops what he is doing and looks at me. Shit, I did say that out loud.

"My name isn't Edward."

I push him on his back and start stroking him, kissing my way down his chest until I am right above his cock.

"It is tonight," and with that I take him in my mouth.

At that point he doesn't care what I call him as long as I don't stop. Well I suppose I do owe him at least head for calling him Edward. God, what a lame move now I am gonna have to fuck him as well.

* * *

><p>I slept all through Sunday, yeah Jack you bastard I thought we were tight. Well, at least I didn't dream of Edward last night. No, but I did call another guy Edward and tried to play it off by giving him head so he'd forget I just did that. Well, it's Monday now and I am not looking forward to seeing Dr. Masen today. She is gonna shit when she finds out I have had sex with three different men since I saw her last. God, I really do have a problem. I don't know why I keep denying it.<p>

"Hey Dr. Masen."

"Hey Ms. Swan." She smiles at the way I greet her.

"How has the week been?"

Well, here we go, no sense wasting time with pleasantries. So I spend the next 20 minutes telling her about my sexcapades leaving out names because she doesn't need to know, and finally telling her how I have had recurring dreams about the man I slept with last Monday.

"Let's go back to the dreams; you said Saturday you woke up drenched in sweat, is that normal for you?"

Normal, shit normal doesn't apply to me. I thought for sure she would want to talk about the fact that I have slept, okay not slept, but been with three different guys but nope not Dr. Masen she wants to talk about dreams. When I don't reply right away she asks another question.

"What was the last thing you remember before waking up?"

"I said I love you."

Her eyes get wide and her face breaks out into a big smile like some miracle has happened or something. What the hell is her problem?

"So you said you loved him, this first man you had sex with?"

"Yes."

"Has that ever happened before?"

"No, I don't do I love you's, not in real life and not in dreams."

"I see, what do you think that means?"

"How the hell should I know, isn't that your job to figure out?"

God she is so annoying at times. Why do I pay her if she is going to make me come up with the damn answers by myself? Shit, if I knew what I was doing that was making me dream of Edward every night then I would quit doing it because it is distracting.

"Well, Ms. Swan I think that you have feelings for this first man that you aren't able to define which I think scares you. I think since you use sex as a coping tool you slept with two other men to try to "fuck" him out of your system. I think that the problem you're having now is that this method of coping is not working so well for you anymore. So my question to you is this, are you willing to explore the idea of having a monogamous relationship with someone?"

I stare at her dumbfounded. What the hell does that mean? I don't have relationships and fucking and/or drinking has always been effective in the past. Why should dealing with Edward be any different? I put my head down and rest my hands on the back of my neck. What the hell am I supposed to do? Aside from Jake I have never seen anyone more than once. I have never been in a relationship and the relationships I have seen don't seem to be very effective. I mean shit; even Jake who is an okay guy cheats on Leah with me whenever I call him. But damn, the idea of Edward being with anyone else makes me sick. I am so fucked!

"What are you thinking Bella?"

"I don't know what to do, I haven't felt this way before and I'm not sure how I am supposed to handle things. Shit! I just can't."

"Can't what?"

"Can't care about him?"

"Why can't you care about him?"

I sigh and finally look up at her. She is waiting patiently for me to respond but the problem is that I don't know what to say. I don't know why I can't, I just can't.

"Fuck, I don't know, I just can't."

"Well, for someone who is as educated as you are, that seems like a very adolescent answer."

Well, I can't really argue that point, but still, isn't she supposed to support me and shit. But I still don't have an answer for her. I don't know what the fuck to do and I certainly don't have anyone to talk to about it. Shit, I could imagine what Rosalie would say, _"Just fuck him Swan, keep it at that,"_ which obviously isn't what I need to hear. After I don't answer for a while Dr. Masen finally speaks again.

"Look Ms. Swan, our time is almost up for this week. I know this was a difficult session for you but what I'd like to see you do this week is to think about that question about why you aren't allowing yourself to care for this man you met last Monday and see if by our next session you are able to come up with another answer to it. Is that something you think you can do?"

"Yeah, I'll try."

I leave her office and am tempted to go to the coffee shop just to see if I accidently run into him again. I remember where he lives but I am not going to just stop by to see him. Shit! I can't believe that thought even crossed my mind. Man, I need to go home and try to figure some shit out because she is right about one thing. I am way too smart to not be able to figure this out.

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><p>The remainder of the week went by uneventful. I dreamt of Edward every night. I didn't drink anymore though because that didn't help very much and I also didn't try to get laid because hell, I didn't want another Mike incident. It's Friday and I am on call all weekend which means I will be at the hospital the whole time. Well, technically I don't need to be but it is easier if I am.<p>

I am sitting in the on call office trying to decide what I need to do about the Edward situation. Obviously I am very attracted to him and we are definitely sexually compatible. He seemed real nice and based on his book selection he is well educated. I know he is in school but I never asked what he was studying or what he wanted to do after school. Those are questions people ask people they are interested in. At least they do in the movies but I really have no barometer to go with. I also don't know how to go about seeing him again without looking like a complete idiot. And after the way I treated him would he even want to see me. Hmm, I hadn't thought of that. He might have already moved on or got back together with his girlfriend for all I know. I frown as this thought enters my mind.

"Dr. Swan to ER for a consult."

I let out a sigh as I head to the ER, hoping I don't run into Jake. Shit, he probably paged me just so I would come down there. So I could make it up to him for being a bitch to him last week. Yeah, that ain't happening. As I head to the nurses' station in the ER they tell me bed 12 but when I step through the curtain there is no one there. That's weird. I then see Jake walking out from behind a curtain laughing. He looks up at me and I walk over to him.

"Which room is the consult in? They told me bed 12 but there isn't anyone there."

"Oh sorry, that patient was moved up to Bed 5."

Jake starts saying something else but I tune him as I hear my name being called by the voice that has been haunting my dreams for almost two weeks now. I turn around slowly and there he is. What the hell is he doing here? He is just as beautiful as I remembered him. Now's my chance, but as soon as I think that a tremendous amount of fear overwhelms me as I realize what I am about to do, but I push that fear aside. I smile at him and he smiles back and I know it is right. If anything I know that I need to at least try.

"Hi, Edward."

He is walking towards me, slightly shaking his head to the ground and smiling. He seems happy to see me so maybe he has been thinking about me as well.

"It's good to see you. A doctor huh?" I smile and nod at him.

"You know Edward I never properly introduced myself before. My name is Isabella Swan."

When I say this he breaks into a huge grin and wraps his arms around me, holding me close and for a few moments I forget where I am and I forget about my consult and all I can think about is holding him as well. So I wrap my arms around him and hold him until I hear a noise in the background and look to see Jake staring at the two of us.

"Um, Dr. Swan you need to check that consult, he may need to go up right away."

"Right, of course."

I look at Edward again and he and Jake are eyeing each other. Oh for goodness sakes, put your dick away Jake, Edward has got you beat, plus I am not yours in the first place. Edward turns to look at me and I smile again.

"I need to check on my patient but I would really like to talk to you if you have time."

"I have to take my roommate home but I'll come back after I do. Where can I meet you?"

Jake has already headed back in to do whatever he was doing. I explain to him where the surgeon on call office is and ask him to wait for me there because I am not sure how long I will be. He gives me a mischievous smile and then says,

"You have the most perfect lips; they have been begging me to kiss them since you walked in."

I smile as he repeats the line I gave him in his room and I lean in and kiss him lightly on his perfect mouth. He lets out a sigh and any resolve I had to not do this is washed away in that moment. Well, this is it. I am taking a chance here, a chance I don't normally allow myself to take but something tells me he is worth it.

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><p><strong>AN …. Well, at least she recognizes perfection when she sees it. She didn't have a chance at resisting him, Alice sure had that right. But is she capable of being monogamous? We shall see what is in store for these two. Anyone ever have a Mike incident ***raises hand, then ducks head in shame*** LOL, what can I say, there was definitely some Bella in me back in the day**


	7. Ch 6: Try

**Rating: M- this means if you're under 16 be responsible for yourself.**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer is the sole owner of the world of Twilight.**

**Once again thank you to my amazing Beta's A & C for your constant encouragement and support. For those I wasn't able to respond back to I will be updating this story every Friday morning. Also, there is a playlist link on my profile page for the songs used in this story and I just started a blog where I will post pictures.**

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><p>Games, changes and fears<br>When will they go from here, when will they stop  
>I believe that fate has brought us here<br>And we should be together babe but were not  
>I play it off, but I'm dreaming of you<br>And I'll keep my cool, but I'm fiendin'  
>I try to say goodbye and I choke<br>Try to walk away and I stumble  
>Though I try to hide it, it's clear<br>My world crumbles when you are not here

I Try by Macy Gray

**Chapter 6: Try**

**BPOV**

I am scrubbing up in the OR thinking about what just happened downstairs. Edward was here and is coming back. I smile at the thought. Then there's Jake and his stupid ass. I am going to have to talk with him later. Of course, I don't really have a plan for Edward yet, aside from the obvious initial fuck cause, God if I could have mounted him in the ER I definitely would have. I am so damn horny just thinking about it. I suppose I will have to talk to him about monogamy. Hell, I don't know if I can do it and I need to know how he feels about it. I wonder if I need to tell him about the guys I have been with. Geez, I better do that AFTER I fuck him cause that will be a long ass conversation. God I wish there was someone I could ask about this shit.

"Dr. Swan, they're ready for you."

"Any complications I should be aware of?"

"No doctor."

"Good," because I have a green eyed god waiting to be fucked. I smile and she looks at me like I've lost my mind. Well I might have, we shall see.

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><p>I look at the clock and it's been three hours. I wonder if he is here already. I grab my lab coat, putting it on as I head to the on call office. Why am I nervous all of a sudden? As I approach the door I see that the lights are on and I smile because I know what I will find when I open the door. Hmm, maybe he will be naked? God Swan get a hold of yourself. I open the door and see him sitting on the couch reading a magazine with a large bag on the floor. He looks up when I walk in and smiles at me.<p>

"Have you been waiting long?" That seems like a simple question to start with.

"No, but that nurse wasn't going to let me in but someone named Rosalie said it was okay and told me to tell you to call her."

I frown; she just wants to know why I am bringing my fuck dates to the office, something I have never done before. But is that what Edward is? I don't think so but I am in uncharted territory right now so who knows what he is.

"What's that?" I ask as I nod to the bag.

"Dinner. I wasn't sure when you had a break and thought you might be hungry."

Oh I'm hungry alright but not for food. I take my coat off placing it on the hook behind the door and walk over to him. I straddle him and we start kissing. He opens his mouth allowing me access and my hands are all over him as I grind against his erection. I break our kiss so that I can pull his shirt over his head and he pulls my scrub top off. He starts kissing and touching my breasts. God his mouth feels so good on me.

"Get undressed," I say as I get off of him.

When he is gloriously naked in front of me I tell him to go sit on my chair in front of the desk. Oh yes, Edward I have plans for you. He is watching me as I get undressed and I start to walk towards him.

"Can you put on that white coat?"

"Do you have some kind of doctor fantasy I should know about?" I say with a smirk.

He looks down for a second and there goes that hand into his hair. Oh yeah, doctor fantasy it is. I walk over to grab my lab coat and put it on, not buttoning it up just letting it move, exposing myself to him as I continue to walk towards him. He never takes his eyes off of me as I move to the desk and sit directly in front of him. I drop the condom on the desk and lean back slightly with my hands to each side which allows my coat to open up so that I am now completely exposed to him.

"So tell me Edward, what would you like to do?"

I take my feet and slide them through the sides of the chair pulling him closer to me and then smile wickedly down at him. He looks up at me and smiles and then starts kissing my thighs gradually working up to my clit. I moan in response as he works that beautiful mouth and tongue over me, making me writhe underneath him. God he knows how to work that mouth of his. I grip his hair and pull him closer to me, moaning in pleasure as he brings me to my climax. God I needed that, shit it's been almost two weeks since I have been satisfied, because Jake and Mike certainly didn't do the trick.

He stands up moving his lips and hands up my body paying close attention to my breasts; he is nibbling and sucking on my nipple with the ring in it which feels so good. He definitely has a thing for my nipple ring. Pretty soon he is sucking on my neck and working his way to my mouth. He is kissing me deeply and working his hands over me slipping one then two fingers inside of me. He is moving his fingers inside and out and stroking the sides of my walls. Oh God, his fingers are almost as perfect as his mouth.

"Oh Bella, you feel so good, I want to be inside of you."

Déjà vu, geez, that's what he said in my dream. It takes everything in me to not say what I said in my dream. God, would it be that easy to love someone? I could feel the words begging to come out, but I can't do it. So I pull his fingers out of me and bring them to my mouth, sucking each one separately. He closes his eyes and moans in response. At the same time I grab his cock in my hand putting the condom on as quickly as I can and guide him to my entrance thrusting towards him forcing him inside of me. He is moaning loudly and thrusts into me so that he enters me completely.

He lays me on my back and continues to move inside of me all the while touching me, teasing my nipples and stroking my clit. My eyes are closed and I arch my back trying to get closer to him. He leans down and kisses me, thrusting harder inside of me.

"Come for me Bella."

He starts thrusting more fiercely. Oh God, he feels so good and I am close. I start moving with him and we have a beautiful rhythm. I can feel myself start to clench around him and I scream out his name coming hard as he thrusts once more, releasing inside of me. He lays his head on my neck and starts kissing me lightly.

"I really missed you," he says softly.

"I missed you too."

He looks at me, surprised, but then smiles and begins kissing me some more. After a while he stops and withdraws from me, pulling me up with him.

"Come on let's eat."

I watch as he gets dressed and then goes over to the bag near the couch. He starts pulling out boxes and putting the food on a clear spot on the table. He must eat out a lot because he definitely has a system going on here. I put my scrubs back on and wonder what I am supposed to do. Usually I would just leave.

"Sit, I hope you like Chinese food," he says with a smile.

"I do as a matter of fact."

"So, what do you do when you are here all weekend?"

"Sleep usually. I don't generally sleep very well."

"Really, why's that?"

"I don't know, nightmares, insomnia, brain doesn't shut off. Who knows?"

"I see, so what do you have nightmares about?" Okay, Dr. Masen.

Is this what I am supposed to do? Tell him all my dark secrets? Oh, hell no that isn't happening, I'm not ready for that. Why the fuck does he care what my nightmares are about anyway? Shit, I haven't even told Dr. Masen and she's my shrink. Oh God, what the hell am I doing?

"I'm sorry that was pretty nosy of me. I was just curious."

"No, it's okay. I just don't talk about that stuff with anyone. It's not personal."

We start eating our food and just have some idle chit chat with one another. I am thankful when my phone rings and the nurse tells me that I need to check on one of my patients who is asking to see me. I excuse myself and ask Edward if he was willing to stay. He nods and continues eating.

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><p>As I walk to the patient's room I am left wondering what the hell I am supposed to do. I don't want him to leave but at the same time I am not sure what I am supposed to say either. I don't want him to know about the shit I went through. I wonder if we can just skip the back story and just start from here. I smile at this thought but knowing me it won't be that easy.<p>

When I get back to the office he has cleared the mess and left my plate untouched with a napkin over it with a note saying he went to the bathroom. I sit down and start eating again. When he walks back inside he looks different. He keeps running his fingers through his hair and isn't looking at me. Is he pissed?

"What's wrong? You look upset."

He doesn't say anything right away but sits down on the couch. He looks at the ground leaning on his legs. Great! He's only been here for a few hours and he's already upset about something. Is it because I didn't tell him about my nightmares?

"So Bella, I was wondering what exactly you want from me?"

"Excuse me?" What the hell is he talking about?

"Well, Dr. Black stopped me when I was on my way to the restroom."

Great! Fucking Jake, what the hell did he say? God I swear I'm going to kill him. I sigh and look at him.

"So, what did Dr. Black say exactly that's got you all in a tizzy?"

Okay, maybe I need to work on my sarcasm because he stares at me for a long while, trying to decipher my tone I would imagine. I have that effect on people.

"He was just wondering if I was your new toy and if so, did I know the rules yet?"

I cringe. Fuck! That doesn't sound good. See Jake, this is why we aren't together. No wonder he looks upset. I need to diffuse the situation before it escalates even further. I walk over to him and stand between his legs. I run my hands down his face and gently kiss him on the lips. He sighs and then moans as I move my mouth and start sucking on his neck. His body visibly relaxes and I figure now is as good a time as any to just get it out there.

"Is this the point where I am supposed to say that Jake, sorry, Dr. Black and I have had a sexual relationship for a while now but I don't see him socially?"

His body stiffens as I say this. Hmm, guess this was not the point where I say that. I am really screwing this up and I just started. Shit!

"You're having sex with him?" there is hurt in his eyes now.

"Uh, no. I am having sex with you."

"When was the last time you were with him?"

"Do you really want to know that? Do you really think knowing will make you feel better or possibly worse?"

He doesn't say anything. He just sits back and throws his head back on the couch closing his eyes, raking his hand through his hair.

"Edward look, I am sure I am fucking this up. I don't know what the hell I am doing. I have absolutely no point of reference here. If you want me to tell you about my past sexual conquests I will do that but I am not sure it will help matters. I mean I am with you. I am willing to try to be with only you. But to be honest I have never done that before and it scares the shit out of me. What I told you before was the truth. I don't do relationships but I want to try."

He still doesn't say anything so finally I just rest my head on his shoulder. After a few moments he starts stroking my hair and then lets out a sigh as he kisses me on the top of my head.

"I want you Edward. Just you, so if that's not enough then you should go."

He pulls my head up and starts kissing me, running his hands through my hair. I move my hand down his chest and start stroking him through his pants. He moans in my mouth and deepens our kiss. Yes, this is what I know. When a man is upset, have sex with him and he will forget about whatever it is he is upset about. Although in this case I think he would remember.

"Dr. Swan to the ER."

He pulls away from me and then smiles as I get up and straighten out my scrubs. God I hate Friday nights!

"How long can you stay?"

"As long as you want me to."

I smile and lean down to kiss him again before finally walking away from him. I grab my lab coat before I exit the office and head to the ER.

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><p>When I get down there, Jake meets me and drags me into one of the empty rooms kissing me fiercely and pushing me against one of the walls, running his hands up and under my shirt. I push him away and then knee him in the groin.<p>

"What the hell Jake?"

He's bent over groaning and then finally he looks up and glares at me. Of course I never stop him, so he probably can't figure out why I did now, let alone knee him in his junk. But hell, I've got Edward upstairs. What do I need Jake for? Plus, how dare he talk to Edward the way he did, he's such a smug bastard. He's lucky I just kneed him and stopped, because I seriously want to kick his stupid ass right now.

"So who's the kid you got up in your office? Are you doing that to piss me off?"

"Like I give a shit about your feelings Jake. Seriously, who the hell do you think you are? And fuck you for talking to him in the hall and making him feel like shit. That was an asshole move."

He steps back stunned and I think a little fearful. It's like he can't believe I am defending Edward and not him. Did he really believe there was a chance in hell that I wanted to be with him? I thought I had made that abundantly clear on more than one occasion. God, this is infuriating. I have one upstairs pouting and one down here fuming. Well the one down here I don't give a shit about. Pissing around me like some damn dog trying to mark his territory when I was never his to begin with. God he's delusional, maybe he's the one that needs to see Dr. Masen.

"Look Jake, I need to go check out that consult but you need to let go of this delusion that I somehow want something from you. In fact I don't even want to have sex with you anymore. I think you should just go see Leah after your shift tonight and set a fucking date. She isn't going to wait forever for you and I don't WANT you."

And with that I walk out and head to the nurses' station to see where I need to go. I don't even bother to look back to see Jakes expression, but I can tell by the cold wave that washes over me that if looks could kill I would definitely be dead. Well, fuck him. Sorry Leah, but he won't be much good tonight and I smile at the thought. Serves him right.

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><p>Man, Friday nights in Seattle are a nightmare. People drink and act stupid, get into car accidents, fight with one another and are just plain ridiculous. And now that school has started back up at the U we can add stupid hazing pranks to the mix. I have been in the OR for about four hours; fuck its 1:00 a.m. I wonder if he is still here.<p>

As I walk into the office there is only the small lamp on near the desk and he is lying on the couch. He has his hand over his head and his long legs are hanging over the edge. His shirt is riding up a bit because of the way he is laying and I can see just enough of his oh so happy trail. I smile as I watch him sleep. He almost doesn't look real. I hang my coat up and lock the door. I then go to the cabinet to get one of the blankets and a couple of the pillows we keep in there. I wonder why he didn't just pull the bed out.

Now I know I should just let him sleep, but since when do I do anything I am supposed to do. So instead, I walk over to the couch and kneel next to him. I start touching his stomach and moving my hand down his trail, unbuttoning his pants as I go. He smiles and then lets out a soft moan.

"Are you tired?" I ask.

"Not anymore."

"Let's pull the bed out."

"This is a bed?"

I laugh and tell him to get up so we can pull it out. As a staff we begged to have a sofa bed in here for those nights we are on call. Now it isn't the most comfortable bed in the world but it will work. I put the pillows on it and then throw the blanket down. I start taking off my clothes and he follows suit. I better set my alarm so I can be up before the morning doctors get in. I normally don't care what people think of me, but having the other docs see me and Edward naked is not high on my priority list. So I go back to my lab coat and grab my phone and set the alarm placing it on the table near the couch. Oh shit I forgot the condom. So I go to my purse and get one out setting it on the table as well and then get into the bed.

I smile at him as I motion for him to come lay down next to me. As he lies down he pulls me into his arms kissing me. Now generally I like to be on top. I like the power and control it gives me. I can decide how fast, how slow, when to stop, plus I really like to watch as a man comes. Some are funny as hell but some, like Edward, can bring me to orgasm just by watching them. Now that is saying something, especially for me.

We lay there in each other's arms and he continues to kiss me moving his lips up and down my neck as he gently touches me. There is not the fierceness that was with us earlier as this is slow and gentle. I almost want to make him go faster, urge him on, make him get on his back so I can straddle him but I think after the way Jake treated him I need to let him move at his own pace.

"Has anyone ever made love to you Bella?" he whispers between kisses.

What? Well I've fucked all kinds of people in many different ways. More ways than his pretty little ears should ever hear. But somehow I don't think he is referring to fucking. So I guess no, no one has ever made love to me because no one has ever really loved me. I tear up as that thought crosses my mind, what the fuck! He stops kissing me and looks at my expression and wipes the tears from under my eyes.

"I'm going to make love to you Bella."

I don't say anything because for once I have no words. I just stare at him, the sincerity in his face and the passion in his eyes are shining right through me. I run my hand up his neck and through the back of his hair, pulling him closer to me. He is kissing me softly on the lips, gently sucking on my top then bottom lip. He grabs the condom lying on the table and puts it on while he continues to kiss me. He then moves his hand between us and lines himself up to my entrance. He stops kissing me so that he can watch me as he enters and I close my eyes as his lips touch mine again.

"You are the most beautiful woman I have ever met."

I just keep kissing him trying to fight back the tears that want to come out and shame me. Why do I even want to cry in the first place? I don't understand. Men have told me I was beautiful before, men have even said they love me, but I don't know. There is something about Edward and the way he is moving within me, kissing me softly, and talking to me in hushed whispers that is breaking down my walls and I think it is because I want it to be true. I want him to love me and this thought scares the living shit out of me.

"Bella you are everything to me, let me love you."

Now I am crying and I don't even know why. What the hell is he doing? He can't say shit like that to me. He just keeps kissing me and moving in and out of me, touching me and I start to feel that build up inside. He feels it too and he starts to move a little faster never taking his mouth away from me.

"Oh God, Edward, please."

He starts kissing down my neck and moans as he brings his hand down between us and starts stroking my clit as he continues to move in and out of me. I arch my back and close my eyes as my climax takes me somewhere I have never been before. When I open my eyes he is watching me and then he thrusts deeply inside of me, closing his eyes as he releases as well.

When our breathing comes back to normal he pulls out of me and reaches for the blanket at the foot of the bed. He pulls it up over us and pulls me to him, kissing the top of my head.

"Goodnight Isabella."

I have never experienced anything like this before. I feel exhausted and all I want to do is sleep and for the first time in my life I feel like right here, right now, with Edward I am home and with this thought at the edge of my mind I fall asleep in his arms.

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><p><strong>AN…. Oh MY! Okay, well there was a lot going on here and our poor Bella really has no clue how far she has fallen for Edward already. And, what about her taking care of business with Jake? Okay, next chapter will be EPOV**


	8. Ch 7: Undisclosed Desires

**Rating: M- this means if you're under 16 be responsible for yourself.**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer is the sole owner of the world of Twilight. **

**Once again thank you to my amazing Beta's A & C for your constant encouragement and support and of course for understanding that I have issues with commas, okay punctuation in general….LOL, and thank you everyone for your kind words about Chapter 6. I really enjoyed writing it. I have updated the playlist with the most recent songs if you want to check them out. I also added some pictures on the blog for chapters 1-8. The link is on my profile page or just go to www takemehome-lovinrob blogspot com **

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><p>I know you've suffered but I don't want you to hide<br>It's cold and loveless, I won't let you be denied  
>Soothing, I'll make you feel pure<br>Trust me, you can be sure  
>I want to reconcile the violence in your heart<br>I want to recognize your beauty is not just a mask  
>I want to exorcise the demons from your past<br>I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart

Undisclosed Desires by Muse

**Chapter 7: Undisclosed Desires**

EPOV

"Has anyone ever made love to you Bella?" I whisper to her.

She doesn't say anything, but her body starts trembling some and when I look at her it looks like she is ready to cry. She is wet underneath her eyes and her brows are furrowed together. I gently wipe her tears away and continue to kiss her lightly.

"I'm going to make love to you Bella."

She looks up at me and for a moment she looks confused and then slowly she moves her hand into my hair pulling me closer. I continue to kiss her, softly, not wild and frantic like we usually do. I feel this need to be gentle with her. After the comment earlier about her nightmares I know that she has been through a lot and it doesn't seem like anyone has ever really taken care of her. Which is utterly unbelievable to me? In fact, I am sure that no one has ever taken their time with her, to worship her, and make her feel like she is the most beautiful woman on the planet.

I continue to kiss her but can't wait any longer; I want her so bad right now. I grab the condom and put it on and then move my hand between us to line myself up to her entrance. I stop kissing her so that I can watch her as I enter her. God she feels so good. She closes her eyes and I touch my lips to hers and tell her that she is the most beautiful woman I have ever met.

She keeps kissing me but there is something urgent about it. I look at her and she seems to be upset but I am not sure why. Has no one ever loved her? Is that even possible? I have just met her and there isn't anything I wouldn't do for her. I know we don't know each other that well but I know in my heart that she is the only one for me. In fact I know that I already love her. I have been fighting the urge to just blurt it out all night but I don't think she is ready for that. So I tell her the only thing I think I can.

"Bella you are everything to me, let me love you."

She gasps when she hears this and for a minute I wonder if I made a mistake saying it. Was it too soon? I can tell she is crying and I am not sure what to do next but I just keep kissing her and whispering to her that she is beautiful and sexy and smart and everything I ever hoped to find in a woman. I continue moving in and out of her and touching her all over. I want her to believe that she is more than the sex goddess she portrays herself as. I want her to know that I see more.

I have seen Bella come five times already and it is the most amazing sight in the world. I know she is close. I start to move faster within her. When she whispers to me, I know what she wants me to do, so I reach between us and start stroking her clit in time with my motions. I stop kissing her for a moment because I want to watch her. She is so beautiful and once I see her climax I close my eyes and let myself come as well.

When our breathing comes back to normal I pull out of her and take the condom off. I reach down to the end of the bed and grab the blankets. I pull them over us and pull her closer to me, kissing her on the top of her head. She looks exhausted and I don't want her to feel like she has to say anything so I whisper goodnight to her. She lets out a soft sigh and within minutes she is asleep.

This was so intense. Shit, this whole day has been intense, starting with that asshole Dr. Black, but I shouldn't have let myself get worked up over it. I think Bella was annoyed with the way I acted but I guess she has forgiven me. She said she only wanted me and lord knows I only want her. I guess there are a lot of things we still need to talk about, but that can wait. I look down at her and she looks so peaceful holding me. I sigh and close my eyes. This is how it should be every night.

* * *

><p>Its morning and I feel her move out of the bed so I groggily open my eyes. What time is it? It seems really early. When I see her she is getting dressed. She looks over at me and smiles. God, how did I get so lucky?<p>

"We need to get up; the morning shift starts in an hour."

"Oh. Okay."

I get up and start pulling on my clothes. I should have brought an extra pair yesterday. Of course I didn't know I would be spending the night at the hospital. She looks nervous as she puts on her coat. God that is sexy as hell. Hot doctor fantasy in full force!

"Edward, I need to talk to you about something but I don't know how to do it gently."

"Okay." Well that doesn't sound too good.

"Will you take a blood test for me?"

"A blood test?"

"Look, I have been on Depo for years, because trust me, someone like me should NOT reproduce. But if we are going to be monogamous then I don't want to use condoms. So I need to check that you are okay. I get tested every six months and I am clean, I can pull my last test results if you would like to see."

Okay, she is all business. No seductress right now, she is definitely in doctor mode. Well I am sure I am clean. The last person I was with was Kate and she was a virgin when we started seeing each other. She is staring at me, waiting for me to say something.

"Of course, is that something I can do here?"

She smiles and walks over to me kissing me lightly on the lips. She reaches into her coat pocket and pulls out a needle and one of those vile things they put blood in. Shit! She carries that kind of shit with her. What the hell! She notices my stunned expression and she steps back a bit, she's all business again.

"Edward, I was going to do this yesterday but you sort of distracted me."

"I see." God, I sound like mom.

She kisses me again and then tells me to relax. Yeah my girl is about to draw blood from me and check to make sure I have no communicable diseases while I am sitting on the same desk I fucked her on yesterday. Relaxing seems like a bit of a stretch. She chuckles at my demeanor I suppose and then proceeds to get me ready. I flinch as the needle pokes into me but overall it is painless. After she puts the bandage on the mark on my arm she kisses the top of it and then kisses me again on the lips slipping the vile into her pocket. She pulls away from me and then walks to some receptacle on the wall to dispose of the needle.

"I have two surgeries scheduled today and am assisting on another one, but I would like to see you later if that's okay."

Oh, is that my cue that she wants me to leave? Well, I suppose I should go home. I definitely need to shower and I should work on my thesis. But, I was just planning on hanging out here. Now that I think about it that probably is a stupid idea. When I look at her she is looking down shaking her head slightly and then she looks up at me serious again.

"It's not that I don't want you here Edward, it's just I will be busy most of the day and knowing you are in here will be a distraction," she smiles and then continues, "I will want to come in here and have my way with you."

I smile as she says that last part. She can have her way with me right now. I reach for her and pull her to me so I can kiss her again. She opens her mouth and I deepen our kiss. We kiss for several minutes before she pulls away from me. I am not doing a very good job at convincing her to stay.

"I need to go," she says softly.

"Okay."

But I don't let her go, instead, I start kissing her again and she moans in my mouth and starts running her hands down my back. She moves her hands to the front of my jeans and unbuttons them quickly, moving her hand inside she starts stroking my cock. I moan and move my hands so that I can take her scrubs off and then that damn phone rings. God I hate that thing, that phone is a serious cock blocker. She sighs and moves to answer it. As she is talking I start putting away the blankets and pillows. She is watching me straighten things up and just smiles, motioning for me to come over. As I do, she hangs up and pulls me to her, kissing me.

"I can't wait to have you inside me again," she whispers to me.

Okay, I didn't think I was capable of getting any harder than I was at this very moment. There is movement outside the door and she sighs as she pulls out her phone.

"What's your number Edward?"

I smile as we trade phone numbers. Finally I just laugh at the absurdity of asking for numbers after we have already fucked several times. She looks at me and cocks her eyebrow.

"Aren't we supposed to exchange phone numbers BEFORE we have sex? I mean I have given you six orgasms already," I say smirking at her.

"So you are keeping track?"

I don't say anything to that because it is kind of odd that I am keeping track of something like that. I guess it is just because I remember every one with such detail. She smiles and runs her hand over my cock again eliciting a moan from me.

"You know I plan to have a lot more?"

She is kissing me again and I run my hand up her shirt to touch her breasts. God she is sexy. I love the way she talks to me. I then move my hand and slip it inside her scrubs, moving her panties aside I slip two of my fingers inside of her. She moans and starts kissing my neck, gently sucking as she moves down, all the while continuing to stroke me.

"Dr. Swan to the nurses' station."

Now it's my turn to sigh as I pull my fingers out of her. I guess no morning quickie for me. Looks like it's me time in the shower. Maybe I am just being greedy.

"What time do you want me to come back?" I ask.

"Anytime after 6pm, it usually slows down after that."

"Alright, I will bring dinner then, do you have any requests?"

She smiles and then states "Just you naked."

I smile and shake my head at her. Geez, she really is insatiable. Not that I mind but damn, my dick is probably going to fall off from overuse. I kiss her again before she heads out the door and I leave the hospital to head to my house.

* * *

><p>When I pull up to the apartment I see Alice's car there as well. Great, they are probably all just sitting there waiting for me to walk in. Hell Jasper probably called Alice so she could participate in the inquisition. When I walk in Emmett is in the kitchen and Jasper and Alice are on the couch watching TV. They all look at me until finally Emmett laughs.<p>

"Hey E, Good night?" he says and winks at me.

"As a matter of fact, I had an exceptional night," I say with a smile.

I walk into the kitchen and grab a bottle of water from the fridge trying not to make eye contact with any of them. As I take a sip Alice gets up and walks into the kitchen pulling me by the arm until we get into my room.

"Okay, spill it Edward. Jasper said she is a doctor and that you went over there last night. What happened? Did you work it out? Are you two dating now? When can I tell mom and dad? Do you love her?"

Alice is in full blown info mode. I don't think she even took a breath just now. I sit down on the bed and chug the rest of my water, all the while she is just staring at me, waiting for an answer.

"Yes, she is a doctor, a surgeon to be exact; she said she wants to be monogamous with me so I am going to assume that means we are dating. No, I don't want you to say anything to mom and dad yet because they will insist on meeting her and I think that would probably freak her out and as far as love goes, I don't know."

After I say this last part I look down. I know I love her but it's too soon to acknowledge that. Besides I have no idea how she feels about me. If I say it out loud I will have to accept that maybe I am just an experiment or something. I lie down on my bed and close my eyes.

"I'm kind of tired Al, no offense, but I didn't get a lot of sleep last night."

"What's up with your arm?"

"I took a blood test."

She gasps, "What for?"

Oh for crying out loud. I open my eyes and look at her.

"Alice, it is very common for couples to check to make sure they do not having any STD'S or anything before they engage in sex without condoms."

She is gaping at me, speechless. Huh, who would have known I could make Alice Cullen speechless. I smile at her expression and then she grabs my pillow from behind my head and smacks me with it.

"What the hell was that for?"

"Edward. Are you serious?"

"Of course I am, she's a doctor and she doesn't want to use condoms anymore but wouldn't if she wasn't sure I was clean."

She continues to stare at me. I mean what's the big deal? Couples really do check themselves out, I think. I mean I haven't before today, but it seems logical.

"So when do I get to meet her?"

"Never if you hit me again."

She frowns at me and then sits down on the bed handing me back my pillow. I reposition myself on the bed and close my eyes, bringing my arm over my head covering my eyes.

"You really like her don't you?"

I sigh and open my eyes to look at her. God I hate that I can't keep anything from her. She has always been able to see right through me.

"Yeah, I do, but she's been hurt before and I am not sure she is even capable of caring about me the way I care about her." Ha! Care about, who am I kidding, I already love her. God this could be bad if she doesn't feel the same way.

"Edward, you have been hurt too and yet here you are, ready to give love a chance. Besides, there is no possible way she can resist you, in fact, I bet she has already fallen in love with you and just hasn't admitted it yet."

She leans over and kisses me on my forehead before getting up and heading out of my room.

Have I mentioned before that I love my sister?

* * *

><p>By the time I wake up it is afternoon. So I go out to the kitchen to grab something to eat before working on my thesis. Alice has left and Emmett and Jasper are playing some fighting game on the Playstation. My phone buzzes from my pocket so I pull it out.<p>

_***** All clean, no condoms tonight, B*****_

Well, I didn't really expect there to be any problems but I am glad she seems happy about it. I quickly type a reply.

_*****I can't wait to be inside you without any barrier, E*****_

I smile at that. That should get her going. Her reply comes just a few seconds later.

_*****You know I am supposed to be focused on my upcoming surgery not anticipating your beautiful cock pleasuring me, B*****_

Oh shit, I can feel myself getting hard at the thought of being inside her again. I look around and see that Emmett and Jasper are looking at me. I shrug at them and look back down as my phone buzzes again.

_*****You know I have my own doctor fantasy, do you want to play? B*****_

Doctor fantasy! Now she already teased me about having one but I am curious what she has in mind. I type back a quick reply.

_*****I am open to playing whatever you would like to, E*****_

_*****Oh Edward, that's a dangerous thing for you to say, I am thinking wicked thoughts of you now, B*****_

Double shit! What does she mean by that? Then I remember what Dr. Black said about me being her toy. Oh shit! Is she into S & M stuff? Another question I probably should have asked. I don't know a lot about S & M but I know enough. I think for a minute before I type my reply.

_*****Now you have me curious. Is this something I am going to need a safe word for? E"**_

I stand there staring at my phone, waiting and waiting. How come she isn't sending anything back? I am just getting ready to send her another text when my phone buzzes again.

_*****Edward, although I have had a recurring fantasy about tying you up, you will never be in need of a safe word with me, unless of course that is something you would like to experiment with and then by all means we can do that. B*****_

Well I am somewhat relieved as I have never thought too much about that but then again that comment about tying me up is kind of hot. But before I even have a chance to reply my phone buzzes again.

_*****You are a lot naughtier than I originally thought, B*****_

_*****Is that something you like, E*****_

_*****Very much so, I can't wait to see you later. I have to go I am being paged, B*****_

_*****Ok, see you later, E*****_

I am grinning like an idiot when I finally look up and see that Emmett and Jasper have paused their game and are staring at me. They look at each other and then back at me and start laughing.

"What?" I ask indignant.

"Oh, nothing, so how's that sexting thing going?" Emmett asks as Jasper chuckles to the ground.

"What are you talking about?"

"E, come on now. By the way you are acting she was definitely sending you something dirty. So you gonna let us read it?" Emmett asks.

"HELL NO!"

I glare at him. God he is such a moron sometimes. I just look at both of them as they laugh and then start playing their game again. I grab some chips and another water and head back into my room to work on my thesis. I have another four hours before I can see her again.

* * *

><p>I only managed working on my thesis for a few hours before thoughts of Isabella force me to take care of myself. So after my shower I begin to wonder what I could do to show her that I am worth giving up all those other men for. I know this; Dr. Black still has the hots for her. Not that I blame him. I don't know that I could give her up if she told me she didn't want to see me anymore. She did say that she has never been on a date before, so I start searching the internet. I want to do something nice. I know she probably sees me as some college kid. Well that is what I am but it's not like I am without means. Dad has always been successful and provides more than enough to cover all my monthly expenses and then some. My phone buzzes.<p>

_*****Could you come by around 7:00 tonight? I won't be out of surgery until after 6:00 and don't want you to wait long, B*****_

_*****Sure, I was still planning on bringing dinner, Is that okay? E*****_

_*****Yes of course, I will grab a snack before surgery and we can eat together later, B*****_

_*****I can't wait to see you tonight, E*****_

_*****Me too, B*****_

I smile. Okay I definitely need to show her that she made a good choice being with me and that she is special. It is just beyond me that no one has ever done this for her. I turn back to the computer and an idea starts formulating.

* * *

><p>God this day just drug on. I can't wait to see her. I am walking in towards the elevators when I see Dr. Black. Oh man, just don't make eye contact with him. Maybe he didn't see me? No such luck. He starts walking towards me. Great! What the hell does he want now?<p>

"Hey, hold on."

Shit! I do not need this. Last time I talked to him I let him get under my skin and it irritated Isabella. I refuse to let that happen again.

"Yes, what do you want?" I ask.

"So you're back huh?"

"Where else would I be? Isabella asked me to stay with her," I say.

Now I am not certain, but from what Isabella has told me so far, she has probably never asked him to stay with her. Based on his expression I can see that I am right, which makes me smile. He looks pissed.

"Well, she will get bored with you."

"What makes you think that?" God that was stupid, I just opened the door for him.

"Well, Edward is it? Isabella doesn't have relationships. She fucks people. Sometimes she decides to fuck some of _**us**_ longer than others but basically she doesn't give a shit about anyone but herself. So you are fooling yourself if you believe somehow she is going to fall in love with you or that you can somehow "save" her from herself," he states proudly.

I stare at him, not knowing how to respond. I would be stupid to not admit that there is a part of me that wonders if she is capable of love and whether or not I can love her enough to make her see that it is even possible.

"Well, Dr. Black, I suppose we view Isabella differently. I believe she is capable of love but just hasn't been with anyone that elicited those feelings from her. That happens when you are with a bunch of assholes. Now if you don't mind I need to go, Isabella is waiting for me," and with that I walk away.

Fuck, Fuck, Fuck. I did it again. I let him get under my skin. I reach the elevators and enter just when I hear a woman holler for me to hold it. I do and realize that it is the woman who let me into Isabella's office yesterday. What was her name again? I look at her and she smiles.

"Is it Rosalie?" I ask.

"Ah, you remembered. I am glad I am not losing my touch." She smiles and then her face becomes serious, "What did Jake, I mean Dr. Black say to you?"

"Oh, nothing important." I say it but I don't believe it.

"Really? You don't lie very well. Now what did he say?" She says forcefully.

I sigh and then say, "He just told me Isabella will get bored with me and that I was a fool if I thought she could ever love me."

"That bastard! God I swear, I wish Swan would have did more than just knee him yesterday."

"Excuse me?" Did she just say Bella kneed him?

"Oh yeah, he was pretty upset that you were here and when she went to the ER he tried to cop a feel." She laughs and continues, "But Swan kneed him in his nuts and told him to fuck off. Well I think she told him a little more than that, but you get the gist."

Well I am not sure how I feel about him trying to cop a feel. I am glad I didn't know that a few minutes ago though because I probably would have decked him myself. But I smile at the idea of Bella kneeing that big ass man in the nuts. That's my girl. Rosalie interrupts my thoughts before I can think to ask a question.

"You know, Jake is an ass. Swan has never been interested in anyone enough to even try, which is what she is doing with you. You know that right? You do realize that she has never done anything like this before?"

I nod at her because I do understand that she is taking a huge leap of faith with me, with us.

"Well I hope so, because if you hurt her I will do more than knee you in the nuts."

I look at her and she smiles and I know that she means business. I am glad Isabella has at least one other person that will stand up for her. I smile as the elevator doors open and I head to Isabella's office. When I enter I set the food on the table and see a note addressed to me sitting on top of a pair of scrubs.

_Dr. Cullen,_

_I request your assistance in OR 3.  
><em>_Could you change into appropriate attire and meet me down the hall?  
><em>_It is the third room to the left of my office._

_Isabella_

_P.S. Please leave dinner in my office, we will eat later._

Hmm, okay. Oh wait. Didn't she say she had some kind of doctor fantasy? I smile at the thought and change my clothes quickly. After I have changed I walk to the office in question and open the door. This doesn't look like an OR room. It looks more like a normal doctor's office. That's when I see her. She is walking towards me and then she smiles when she is just a few feet from me.

"Dr. Cullen, I am having some problems and I think you are the only one who can help me."

Then she leans in and kisses me on the lips gently tugging on my bottom lip.

"Come with me," she says seductively.

She turns around and starts walking into another room and I do the only thing I can, I follow her. Something that I know I will always do.

* * *

><p><strong>AN…. ***runs and hides in the corner*** LOL, figured this was her fantasy so it should come from her mouth. Oh come on, don't be mad at me I promise I will make it up to you. So anyone have any unusual fantasies they want to confess to? and what about Rosalie? I am thinking she could seriously kick someone's ass. Don't want to get on her bad side but she would be great to have in one's corner.**

**Okay, side note: I added a poll on the blog. Me and my girls have been debating the best FF Edwards. I have my fav and the rest all jockey for backup but it made me curious what other people thought. Okay, I'm a shrink what can I say I like polls...LOL... Go register your vote, humor me and my wicked curiosity :-) **


	9. Ch 8: Wake me up inside

**Rating: M- this means if you're under 16 be responsible for yourself.**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer is the sole owner of the world of Twilight. **

**Once again thank you to my amazing Beta's A & C for your constant encouragement and support. Okay, in honor of the 4****th**** I am giving you all a bonus chapter this week. Now I owed A for leaving her hanging after last chapter but before we get started I want everyone to close their eyes, inhale, exhale and visualize Rob, sex hair in full effect in a pair of scrubs (any color..LOL) Okay, are you ready? I sure hope so cause here ya go. And C, as directed "Hot Doctor Fantasy STAT!"**

* * *

><p>How can you see into my eyes like open doors?<br>Leading you down into my core where I've become so numb  
>Without a soul my spirit sleeping somewhere cold<br>Until you find it there and lead it back home  
>Wake me up inside, wake me up inside<br>Call my name and save me from the dark  
>Bid my blood to run before I come undone<br>Save me from the nothing I've become  
>Now that I know what I'm without, you can't just leave me<br>Breathe into me and make me real  
>Bring me to life<p>

Bring Me to Life by Evanescence

**Chapter 8: Wake me up inside**

I sent him a quick text after I had found out his results were clear. Not that I had expected any different but one does have to be safe. The only man I have gone bareback with is Jake and that's because I know he is only with me and Leah but even then I used to make him get checked every 6 months.

_*****I can't wait to be inside you without any barrier, E*****_

What the hell! Oh I see someone wants to play. I smile and text a quick response back to him. Before he can reply I send him another one. Let's see if I can get him going. I smile at his responding text and send something back quickly. I look up and a couple of the nurses are looking at me. I suppose they all know Edward was here last night. My guess is the whole hospital will know after tonight.

_*****Now you have me curious. Is this something I am going to need a safe word for? E"**_

When I look at my phone to see what he has typed I almost spit my coffee out. Did he just mention S & M? Oh god, he has no idea what that triggers for me. It's not like I haven't dabbled before, but the whole punishment thing I couldn't get into. I mean the domination, yeah that was very cool and allowed me a great deal of control, but the men I was with that were into that sort of thing wanted the punishment piece as well. And there was no way in hell I was doing that. Now Edward doesn't strike me as someone who has dabbled but you can never really tell. I think for a minute before sending my reply. Then send another almost immediately after. I smile at his next text and send him another quickly. I get paged to the nurses' station and head over there, pocketing my phone.

"Someone paged me?"

"Yeah, me," and I see Rosalie step around the corner.

"What do you need Ms. Hale?" I try to be formal but usually we are just bantering back and forth.

"Could we talk for a minute?"

She heads to the break room and I follow her. If there's one thing I have learned since she and I have been friends it's never argue with Rosalie Hale. It is a no win situation and in some instances might even turn into a full on fight.

"So I hear your company stayed all night," she states and cocks an eyebrow at me.

"Yes, Edward slept here with me, that a problem Hale?" I say sarcastically.

"So what's the deal Swan? You never have men come here and you never spend the night with any of them. Not even Jake."

Well, I am not sure what to say about that but I figure what the hell. Rosalie is the closest thing I have to a friend so I just tell her everything; how we met, the subsequent dreams, me calling Mike Edward, which she found hilarious, him coming in to the ER with his roommates, the confrontation with Jake to which she mumbled something about him being a bastard or at least that is what it sounded like and then of course the sex. I even told her that he had made love to me which garnered an open mouth gape. Yeah, well it surprised me too.

"He's coming again tonight?" she asks.

"Yeah, it's weird how I just saw him not that long ago but he is on my mind constantly. Is that normal?"

"Yeah, Swan, that's normal. I mean it's not normal for people like us, but I suppose it seems like a normal response. Look it's not like I am some expert on relationships or anything. Shit, I am as bad as you on that front. But I do know that when you like someone you think about them a lot. Well at least that's what I have been told." She says smiling.

"Huh, well I definitely "like" him. I suppose that's a start considering I have never "liked" anyone before."

"Well Swan, I might have to make you turn in your playa card since it seems like you are off the market." She smirks.

"That's funny. I did tell him I was going to be monogamous so I guess you'll have to collect my card from him. It's in his wallet, next to the condom we won't need to use anymore."

She is just staring at me now. Well, what can I say? I really didn't intend to do the whole boyfriend/girlfriend thing, but being with Edward has made me rethink not only what I want but what I need as well. Finally she just laughs and heads out of the break room.

* * *

><p>God this day is just dragging and then they call me in to assist at 4:00 p.m. Fuck! I send a quick text to Edward letting him know to come a little later. I have been thinking about him all day but ever since he asked the S &amp; M question I have been all over the place. I am glad I am only assisting because at this point I am in an Edward induced haze. All I can think about is him doing me in one of our old OR rooms. Maybe I can tie him to the bed. He seemed willing. Well, he didn't say no so that constitutes willing in my book. God I want to see him in scrubs though. Hmmm, I think I know what to do.<p>

"Dr. Swan, Are you okay?"

"Yes, sorry. I'm ready."

After surgery I head in to wash up and change my scrubs. I then head into my office to leave some scrubs for Edward, along with a note. I smile as I leave the note as I imagine his expression when he reads it. I hope that by addressing the note to Dr. Cullen he will assume his role and act appropriately. I have always liked role-playing, especially when I am in charge. Who am I kidding? I am ALWAYS in charge and I will be tonight as well.

* * *

><p>When he walks into the room it almost takes my breath away. He looks better in scrubs than most people in regular clothes. My heart is starting to beat faster and my breathing is erratic as I walk towards him.<p>

"Dr. Cullen, I am having some problems and I think you are the only one who can help me."

I lean in and kiss him on the lips gently tugging on his bottom lip. God, he has the most perfect mouth. I deepen the kiss before finally pulling away and smile at him.

"Come with me."

I turn around and start walking into the OR room. This particular room is never used because it is small and doesn't have the fancy equipment the other rooms do. So we end up just storing stuff in here. It does have a bed though. What can I say? I am a surgeon and I have always wanted to have sex in the OR.

"Doctor, I have an ache that I can't seem to get rid of."

He smiles mischievously and starts to walk towards me. Once he reaches me he gets real close to my mouth and whispers,

"Well Ms. Swan, maybe I need to examine you."

I think he is going to kiss me but he pulls back from me instead.

"Take off your clothes and lay down on the bed." Oh, fuck me!

"Yes, Doctor."

Okay, this isn't exactly what I had in mind, but he is being forceful, which I must say is turning me on. I have all kinds of kinky thoughts floating around in my twisted head right now. So I proceed to strip in front of him while he watches. I then lay on the bed.

"Tell me where your ache is Ms. Swan."

I swallow hard. I want him right now and we just started. I start moving my hands over my breast twirling the nipple ring with my finger. He smiles and leans down to tug on my ring with his teeth.

"Is this where the ache is Ms. Swan?"

He looks up at me from under those extremely long lashes. I nod at him because the only sound that I appear to be capable of right now is a moan. He is using his tongue to circle my nipples and then nibbling and tugging on them. They respond immediately to him and I reach my hands to his hair. He stops me and shakes his head.

"Ms. Swan please don't interrupt my examination. In fact, why don't you set your hands here so you won't be tempted to break the doctor patient boundary again."

At this he takes my left hand and makes me wrap it around one of the bars on the side of the bed and proceeds to do the same with my right. Then he goes back to my breast using his hands and fingers now to twist on my nipples as they elongate to his touch.

"Should I examine you further Ms. Swan?"

"Yes, doctor, please."

He starts moving his mouth over my stomach, circling his tongue around my belly button. He looks up at me and then takes my right leg and lifts it over the bed frame and then does the same with the left. Oh God, maybe he has dabbled. Hell I'd let him tie me up right now if he asked. Shit! Wait, I do the tying. Oh hell. I am really losing it.

"Don't move Ms. Swan."

He starts kissing on my thigh, working his way up to my eager lips but stops at my inner thigh. He starts sucking and licking on my inner thigh and I moan as pleasure surges through me. He then brings his mouth over my clit and gently blows on it as he moves to the other side and begins to suck and lick on my thigh there. He then moves back to my clit and blows again. I can feel his breathe on me and I arch to meet him.

"Edward, please."

He smiles and cocks his eyebrow at me but doesn't move. What the hell is he waiting for? Then it dawns on me.

"Doctor, please."

He leans in and puts his mouth on my clit, sucking and licking, as I buck into him. He then slips two, then three fingers, inside of me, moving them around in different directions. I scream as the combination of his fingers and his mouth work me into a frenzy of pleasure. I finally can't hold off any longer and I explode around him in one of the most intense orgasms I have ever experienced.

I am breathing hard now as I watch him remove his fingers from me and suck on them. He moves my legs down and then leans over me and grabs my hands pulling me to my feet. What's he doing? I know I am pretty groggy from my orgasm but we are seriously not done yet.

"Turn around Ms. Swan."

Oh! I turn around and he gently pushes me so that my chest is on the bed. He reaches up and grabs my hands again putting them on the bars on the bed. He starts kissing me on my neck and shoulders and then moves his hands over my back and over my ass. He nudges my legs apart and then enters me as he starts sucking on my shoulder.

"Oh God, you feel so good. Do you like it like this Ms. Swan?"

"Yes," I pant between ragged breaths.

He continues to move in and out of me while moving his hands over my ass. He shifts me slightly and finds my spot. I can't see his face but I know he is close by the way his body is reacting. He starts moving more frantically pushing me into the bed with every thrust. Oh god I am close, I can feel myself building around him and I know he feels it too. With one final thrust he comes inside me, spurring my own release.

We are both breathing raggedly as he rests his forehead between my shoulder blades. He then moves my hair out of the way so that he can kiss my neck. I move my head so that he can kiss me on the lips and I open my mouth to allow his tongue to enter. We stay like this for what seems like hours but I am sure was only minutes before he finally breaks the kiss and smiles at me.

"I'm not sure if that was what you had in mind, but I sort of went with it."

I smile, "Well, you improvise quite well Dr. Cullen."

We start kissing again and he moves out of me, turning me around so he can pull me close to him. We continue kissing while he runs his hands over my body. I move my hands inside his scrubs, first over his chest and stomach and then moving lower into his pants moving my hand over him. God I love that he is ready for me again. I wrap my hand around his cock and move it up and down stopping when I reach the top so that I can run my thumb across and around his head. He is moaning in my mouth as he pulls my leg up around his waist so that I will be rubbing against him.

He pushes me back onto the table, moving my feet so that they are against the bars, using them for leverage. Then he pulls me closer to the edge of the bed. His eyes are dark and hooded as he positions me. He starts kissing me again and moves his lips down my neck, sucking on my lower neck and shoulder, when he finally pushes inside me. He continues to kiss me as he pounds into me quickly. I am moaning and breathing heavily, as is he. We are both close again.

He stops kissing me and looks at me. It's almost as if he can see into me, through me. We just stare at each other and it's like time stands still and I am lost, not sure what to do. The thought of love had always seemed foreign to me. Is that what this is? When you can't think of anyone else? When all you want is to be anything and everything for someone else? I want to close my eyes, to look away but I can't and then I remember what Dr. Masen asked me during our last session.

"_Why can't you care about him?"_

And, I realize at that moment, that if I care for him and allow him to love me, when he eventually leaves I will be devastated. He will hurt me or worse yet, I will hurt him. The latter is most likely. And I can already feel my heart breaking at the thought of losing him and tears are in my eyes again. He leans in and starts kissing me and time starts again. I feel myself building until I throw my head back screaming his name as a come around him. He thrusts one more time and releases within me.

We just hold each other, completely spent physically and emotionally. He is kissing me softly, gently and slowly he withdraws. He mumbles something but I don't understand what he said as I am trying to come to grips with my feelings for him. Then he kisses me lightly on the forehead and clears his throat.

"Baby, let's go eat."

Ah, a simple statement. I can handle that. I nod and start getting dressed again when I realize he has never gotten undressed. I laugh at this thought.

"What?"

"I just realized that you didn't take your clothes off the whole time we were in here."

He looks down at himself and laughs as he walks over to me, pulling me closer to him so that he can kiss me again. I smile as I pull away and go over to the bed, removing the sheet that was on it and tossing it in the cleaning receptacle outside the OR. We then walk back to my office to eat the dinner he brought for us.

* * *

><p>It's after dinner and I am watching him read. I am supposed to be reviewing charts but Edward is much more interesting. He's got a pen between his fingers that he is flipping back and forth, and his eyebrows are furrowed as he shakes his head at the book. Then he jots some notes down on a notebook lying next to him. He seems to be oblivious that I am even here, which is fascinating to me.<p>

Over dinner he had told me that he was majoring in English and that he would be getting his masters this June. He stated he was considering going for his doctorate but was thinking about taking a year off. He tried to tell me about his mom and dad but I told him I wasn't ready to know about his parents yet. He had frowned at that and to be honest, I am not sure exactly why I don't want to meet them. Maybe I should ask Dr. Masen about that. God I have a lot to tell her on Monday.

He did tell me about his roommates, Emmett and Jasper. He said Emmett was a jock but they got along because he was actually a smart guy that just acted dumb and that Jasper has been his friend since freshman year. He said Jasper is from Texas so he still has the slang, which is kind of funny. He also stated that Jasper is dating his sister, Alice, who Edward seems to care a lot about. I am an only child. Thank God, because my mom did a shitty job at taking care of one. I can't imagine what it would have been like if she had more.

When he wanted to know about me, I was more hesitant. I did tell him my dad had been a cop and died when I was 8 and that we moved around a lot because my mom was a whore and kept jumping from one loser to the next. He didn't like that answer but what can I say? That was the truth and it was the least amount of info I was willing to divulge. He got a kick out of Rosalie though and the way we banter with one another. He also thought we should hook her up with Emmett so she could put him in his place. I must admit that would be funny.

"Would you like to take a tour of the hospital?" I ask.

He stops moving his pen and looks up at me. He sets his book down and smiles.

"Sure, this book is annoying me anyways."

"Dare I ask why?"

He laughs, "It's just sometimes Hemingway annoys the hell out of me. He's so damn misogynistic at times and depressing as hell."

Now it's my turn to laugh, "You're reading Hemingway?"

"Yeah, my thesis is a reflection of misogyny in American literature. I am looking at Hemingway, Fitzgerald, and Hawthorne comparing views of women in general and how those views are reflected in their work."

"Wow, that's an interesting topic for a man to be doing."

He looks at me with an unusual expression. Well it is an interesting topic for a man. Maybe he is some kind of male feminist or something. Does that even exist? I mean, it's not like I am some kind of man hating, burn my bra feminist, but I do believe women have gotten the raw end of the deal in this country. I mean, the shit I had to go through in medical school, let alone going into surgery as a specialty. What was it that one instructor told me _"You sure you don't want to go into women's health or family medicine?" _As if!

"It's not that I don't like the topic, I just think it is interesting that a man would be interested in the negative portrayal of women in literature. I suppose if more men were interested in things like that we wouldn't live in a male dominated society."

He smiles and kisses me lightly on the mouth then gently runs his hand down my face. I lean my head into his hand and kiss his palm.

"My mom is somewhat dominating and very opinionated so she constantly made sure my sister and I knew that women were equal in every way and that in reality they were stronger than men because they could carry a living being within them and then subsequently deliver that sometimes very large living being through their body. So I suppose woman's rights were always high in my house."

Huh! Maybe I should meet her after all. We would probably get along beautifully. I mean she raised Edward and he seems to have turned out okay. Oh yeah, that's right, I'm fucked up and I don't do the whole "meet the parents" thing. Besides, aside from being a doctor, I am not the kind of person most moms want with their sons.

"So are you able to go across the street? I saw a Starbucks and I could use some coffee."

"Well, I could use some coffee as well. We just need to swing by the ER first so they know I am grabbing a coffee outside the hospital."

On our way out I swing through the ER and drop by the nurses' station to let them know I will be right back when Jake comes up behind me.

"Is your boy toy with you again?" He whispers in my ear.

"Dr. Black kindly back the hell off before I neuter you."

He laughs as he steps back and I turn around to see that Edward is watching and frowning. Jake is such an ass. He has never acted this way before, but then again, I think he has always thought that because I saw him more than once that there was something there. He could never get it through his thick skull that he was just a lay for me, nothing more nothing less. When I get to Edward I smile and take his hand in mine. He looks down at our adjoining hands and smiles as I direct him towards the exit.

"Sorry about Jake."

"Why should you be sorry? He's the one being an ass."

"True. He just did that because you are here, I hope you know that I am serious about being monogamous."

He smiles, "You use that word a lot."

"I know. It's a new word for me. It's actually sort of a dirty word for me, so I figure if I use it enough it won't feel like one."

He laughs at this and stops me, kissing me on the sidewalk. For a minute I forget where we are and kiss him passionately, but then reality kicks back in and I pull away from him, smiling. After we get our coffee we head back to the hospital and I advise the nurse's that I am back in the building. I show him around the hospital and he seems interested, asking questions along the way. When we finally head back to the office it is starting to get late.

"Should I pull the bed out?" he asks.

"Sure, if you're ready to lie down."

"Are you?"

"I'm ready to get in bed if that's what you're asking?" I say with a smirk.

"Dr. Swan to the ER."

I walk over to him and kiss him lightly on the lips, "I'll take a rain check."

* * *

><p>I walk out of my office and head towards the ER and think damn, we almost made it into bed before the damn page. When I get to the ER to check on my patient, I find out I didn't even have one. It was Jake, AGAIN! God, I might need to get a restraining order or something. Either that or seriously neuter him. I'm a surgeon. I could do it quick and easy, he wouldn't even know what happened. I smile and then head back up to the office. I had to threaten to report Jake to the Chief of Staff before he would promise to back off. We'll see.<p>

When I walk into the office, the bed is out and made. He is just sitting in it, reading, pen in hand, notebook at his side. When I walk in he looks up at me surprised.

"I didn't expect you back so quick."

"Yeah, false alarm. It turns out there is no surgery available to reverse stupidity. Who knew?"

He laughs and I walk over to him, straddling him on the bed. He sets the book down and I start kissing him.

"I think I'll take my rain check now."

He pulls my scrub top off and I stand briefly to remove my pants. He slips his shirt off and removes his pants. I tell him to sit with his back against the sofa's backrest and he complies, smiling at me. I move between his legs and take him in my mouth as he closes his eyes throwing his head back. He is moaning softly and running his fingers through my hair, urging me to continue.

I continue moving my mouth up and down his cock until I can't take it any longer and have to have him inside me again. When I stop he opens his eyes in time to see me come down on him. He watches as he enters me and slightly parts his lips letting out another soft moan. I smile and kiss him, devouring him as I move up and down. He is meeting my movements and we both feel ourselves getting close. We never remove our mouths from one another as we both moan in ecstasy as we find our release.

I lay my head on his shoulder, trying to get my breathing in check as he softly strokes my hair. God, am I ever going to get enough of him?

"I know you said we couldn't do this tomorrow, but will we be able to see each other on Monday?"

He seems hesitant. Like he is afraid he is asking too much. In my former life, Ha! Like 3 days ago, I would have said no, but hell I'm breaking all my rules now anyway so I might as well go all the way.

"I have an appointment on Monday, but I will call you afterwards and we'll see if we can work something out. I know you have classes Monday and I don't think you got much work done this weekend." I smile and run my fingers along the back of his ear and down the base of his neck.

"No, I didn't, but it was worth it."

I smile and move so that we can lie down in the bed. I wrap my arms around him as he positions the blankets around us. He feels so good and I begin to think that maybe, just maybe, this might work out.

"Goodnight Edward."

* * *

><p><strong>AN …. Ahhhh, I know this was very lemony but I hope everyone caught some of the small changes she is making. She is falling for him and unbeknownst to her she is starting to give up some of her precious control. Hmm, Dr. Masen is next and we know she will call it as she sees it. Hey A, you still there? Am I forgiven for leaving you hanging? LOL... Okay, next update on Friday morning. As always let me know what ya think.**


	10. Ch 9: All I can do

**Rating: M- this means if you're under 16 be responsible for yourself.**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer is the sole owner of the world of Twilight. **

**Once again thank you to my amazing Beta's A & C for your constant encouragement and support and for putting up with my OCD...LOL, Okay I know you are all probably still feeling the high from last chapter so I'm gonna have to bring ya down a notch, because well, Bella is pretty messed up and well that's just how I roll...LOL**

**Also, check out the blog. I added some pictures for this chapter. I have also fixed the playlist so you can watch the videos on the blog. Although a few videos won't transfer and will force you to watch them on YouTube, Sorry I couldn't fix that. It has something to do with the owners of the videos who are preventing people from embedding them. I will see about finding a different version of those songs.**

* * *

><p>All I know is everything is not as it's sold<br>But the more I grow the less I know  
>And I have lived so many lives though I'm not old<br>And the more I see, the less I grow  
>The fewer the seeds the more I sow<p>

Then I see you standing there wanting more from me  
>And all I can do is try<br>Then I see you standing there wanting more from me  
>And all I can do is try, try<p>

I wish I hadn't seen all of the realness  
>And all the real people are really not real at all<br>The more I learn the more I learn  
>The more I cry the more I cry<br>As I say goodbye to the way of life  
>I thought I had designed for me<p>

Try by Nelly Furtado

**Chapter 9: All I can do**

_Get the fuck out of the way you little bitch!_

_Renee! Where are you?_

I wake up drenched in sweat. Fuck! Where the fuck did that come from? I haven't thought about that shit in years. I look around me for a minute before I realize I am still at the hospital. I want to call him immediately; I need him to make me feel better. I reach for my phone before I see the clock. Hmm, it's 4:00 am. I can't call him this early. I know he has classes this morning and he didn't get much sleep the whole weekend. And even though he didn't stay last night he ended up texting me until midnight before I finally told him to take his ass to bed. I stretch out on the couch and then sit up. It had felt weird trying to sleep in this bed without him, so I just put it in and slept on the couch instead. God, it's only been a couple of nights and I already miss waking up with him.

Fuck it! I will just stay up since the morning shift will be here in a few hours. I straighten out my scrubs and pick up the office a bit, then head to the break room for coffee. My shift ends after morning report, which should be short today since it was a slow night. Several coffees later I walk into the conference room and Jake motions for me to sit next to him. Yeah, so not happening, Jake. I just glare at him and sit several chairs away. Ignoring the look he is giving me.

God, I should have known today would suck. My birthday always does and that fucking dream has me all tied up in knots. I am barely paying attention to what's going on in this meeting. When they get to me, I just tell them about the one case that came in at 8:00, how it was handled and the follow up the morning shift will need to do with the patient. As expected, the meeting was short, lasting only 20 minutes.

I go and change into my street clothes and head to Starbucks on my way home because obviously I need more caffeine. On top of everything else I think I might qualify for a caffeine addiction. Once home I shower and change for the day. Hmm, I have Masen this morning, but really I just need to see Edward. I wonder if I should go see him at school.

* * *

><p>I am quiet as I enter Dr. Masen's office. I sit in my usual chair, opposite her, and just look around her office. This is my 5th session with her, only three more to go. Her office is nice and cozy. Her walls are mauve and she has a lot of various abstract arts around. Most seem women centered. Not that I am some art expert. Her office is located in a building not far from the University and I am seriously considering swinging by there and seeing Edward after I am done. I haven't been able to stop thinking about him since my nightmare this morning. It's almost like my body is literally aching for him.<p>

"So, Ms. Swan, you seem lost in thought."

I don't say anything; I just reach down and touch my toes trying to stretch out. God, that couch is uncomfortable. When I don't respond right away, she asks another question.

"Have you thought about the question I asked you last week?"

I look up at her, "I met him again."

"You did? Well how was that for you?"

"It was great, we had sex several times, I was quite satisfied."

She frowns slightly then says "I would assume the sex was satisfying considering you told me the first time was phenomenal. I was wondering how it felt to see him again, after spending a week and a half dreaming and thinking about him? By the way, does he have a name?" She says this last part sarcastically.

I stare at her for a moment before smiling. God, this woman either pisses me off or makes me laugh, depending on my mood. She really is something else. I think for a moment on whether I should give her Edwards name. I mean I suppose it doesn't matter if she knows, but there is a part of me that feels weird sharing him with her.

"How about we call him E?"

"Okay. So when you first saw E, what was that like for you?"

"I was nervous. I had come to the conclusion that I wanted to see him again and then I kept wondering if I did, would I be able to be with just him, you know, be monogamous."

"I see. Well, why don't you tell me how the weekend transpired and whether you have decided if you think you can be monogamous or not?"

So I spend the next 20 minutes talking about him coming over Friday night, my confrontation with Jake, Edward making love to me, Saturday night and us holding hands and how natural it felt to wake up with him. She nodded and smiled at various points in my tale and then finally responded when she thought I was done.

"Sounds like you had quite an eventful weekend. You seem a bit distracted though. Is there something else going on?"

Shit woman, didn't I just share my whole weekend with you, can't we just talk about Edward? I swear she sees right through me and I am not sure that is such a good thing. I look at her and stand up, walking towards her window. She is on the 5th floor, so I am high enough that people can't see me but I can see them. Well, not clearly, but definitely see them going about their day, like nothing bad has ever happened to them.

"I had a dream, well more like a nightmare." I say as I look out the window.

"About E or something else?"

"Something else."

She is quiet now. That's what she does, she is waiting for me to disclose the "something else" and if I don't say anything in a few minutes she will try to get me to talk in that weird Masen way of hers. I finally let out a sigh and begin.

"I don't remember much about the dream itself, but I know what it was about."

I look at her and she nods slightly, urging me to continue. I turn back around, watching the people walk about, without a care in the world.

"When I was 12 my mom married James. He was an asshole. Well, most of her men were assholes, but he was the worst. I never understood what she saw in him. He used to beat her up a lot for stupid things. I wish I could blame alcohol or drugs, but he didn't do those things. He was just mean and he hated me beyond anything else."

I stop talking at this point. Seriously debating how much I should tell her. I have had lots of therapists in my years, but generally haven't disclosed anything beyond what they already knew about me and the various situations going on in my life, but Dr. Masen doesn't know anything about this, so telling her would be... I don't know, different. I continue to stare at the people below me as I wrap my arms around myself.

"So James was a mean S.O.B. who treated you and your mom like shit?" she says nonchalantly.

I turn to look at her with a stunned expression on my face, "Are you supposed to be cursing?"

"I suppose not," she says smiling. "Are you going to report me?" she asks chuckling.

"No, as much as I curse, who am I to judge?" I laugh, thinking I could hang with her.

"So your dream, scratch that, nightmare was about James?"

"Yes. I was doing homework at the coffee table so I could watch T.V. as well. He came in and told me to get the fuck out of the way and thumped me on the back of my head so I hit the coffee table. Man, I had a knot on my forehead for a week."

"Was he ever reported?" she asks concerned.

"Not that particular time, but eventually I was removed and he was sent to prison."

I can't say anymore. I won't relive that shit. My stomach is knotting up now just thinking about what led him to prison. I close my eyes, trying to block the images from my mind and trying to think of anything except that. She walks over to me, puts her hand on my shoulder and then hands me the box of Kleenex. I didn't realize I was crying. So I grab a few Kleenex and wipe my traitorous eyes.

"Do you suppose those people walking around down there, going about their daily lives, have problems as well?"

I am not sure if she is actually asking me a question or just making a statement. She isn't looking at me; in fact, she is really making a show about looking at the people walking around with their coffees and briefcases, waiting for busses or just plain walking about; talking with the people they are with.

"I bet that at least half of them have had really horrible lives who have found ways to cope with those memories so that they can be successful and productive members of society. Some of them probably drink, some may gamble, some may even use sex," she glances at me and we look at each other, "but they are not responsible for the bad things that people did or said to them when they were younger. They did the best they could given the situations they were in. Don't you think?"

I am staring at her now. I am sure that my eyes are void, that I am showing her the shutdown look. I know that I feel numb right now and the only thing that has ever worked for me was sex and to a lesser extent alcohol. And at this point, all I know is that I need to see Edward. I need to feel connected to him, to feel him touch me and make me forget what keeps trying to come out and haunt me. I am barely listening to what Dr. Masen is saying.

"Sometimes, when we change the way we cope with life, the walls that we spend years building up start to crumble before our eyes. When that wall falls then the bad things we have experienced and not dealt with come back to haunt us. The question becomes whether you are willing to deal with those bad things and develop better ways to cope or whether you will revert back to old ways that are no longer effective."

I stare at her for a long time. I am not sure how to respond. I spent years blocking that shit out, becoming strong, becoming the type of woman people don't fuck with. Why the hell would I want to revert back to the person I was before? The person who couldn't take care of herself? Fuck that shit!

"I don't want to remember those experiences. I want them to go back behind the wall. It's not like talking about them is going to make them go away." I say angrily.

"No, it won't, but in time it will make it easier to deal with." She says in that soft and gentle voice of hers.

"Well, I don't have "time" now do I. You think you can fix me in 3 more sessions Dr. Masen? You think you can do what others couldn't? Are you _**that**_ good?"

I am angry now. Fuck her! I am not talking about this shit with her. I have a few more sessions left and then I am done. I look at the clock and our time is almost up. So I walk away from her and over to the chair to grab my purse. This session is over!

"I'll see you next week," I say and then storm out of her office.

When I get to my car I am fuming. What the fuck! She is supposed to make things better, but shit, things don't seem better. I am fucking having nightmares about James so things are definitely NOT better. God, I need Edward. I need to see him now. Fuck it! I put my car in gear and head to the U.

* * *

><p>It didn't take me long to get to the U, but it is confusing as hell, so I am sitting in my car in the visitor's parking lot. This campus is huge and I have no idea what building Edward will be in. I suppose if I had planned this ahead of time I would have called to find out where the English Department is, but I didn't, so I am sitting in the Central Plaza Parking Garage. I figured if I was in the middle of campus I had a 5050 chance of not having to walk all over the damn place to find him. Plus the visitor's center is not far from here.

I look at myself in my rearview mirror. God, I look tired, but other than that I am presentable. I am wearing a pair of black skinny jeans with a long sleeve v-neck shirt and my converse. It is September in Seattle, which means it is already getting chilly. It's now or never Swan. I let out a sigh and steady my resolve. I get out and start walking towards the visitor's center. I figure they should at least have a map of the campus or be able to direct me towards wherever Edward might be.

After I collect my map, I start reviewing it, trying to decide the quickest route to Padelford Hall, which houses the English department. I figure he will either be there or the Allen Library, since the lady in the visitor's center said the "Allen" is where most of the English subject matter is.

"Can I help you find something?" a young man asks.

I smile as I state, "I am looking for the "Allen or Padelford", they don't seem too far from here."

He smiles, "I know where that's at. I could take you? Come on."

He nods his head in the direction we need to go and starts asking me all kinds of questions about myself and noting that he has never seen me before. Yeah, a campus this big, you would absolutely know me. Please! He is seriously flirting with me. Okay, am I flirting with him? I don't think so. In fact, I don't think I have said much to him, but I don't know because most of the time I don't realize when I am flirting. Just then my phone buzzes.

_*****Are you done with your appointment? E*****_

I can't help but smile. I ask the boy walking with me what building we are passing and he tells me. So I type a quick response.

_*****Yeah, are you anywhere near the Thompson? B*****_

_*****I am just leaving Padelford? Why? E*****_

I smile because now I see him. He is wearing jeans, a black t-shirt, black sun glasses and he has a baseball cap on that is covering up that glorious mop of hair. God, he's yummy! He is walking with a couple of other people, looking at his phone, puzzled, when he looks up, scanning around. He finally spots me and a huge smile crosses his face as he starts to walk in my direction. The boy I am walking with is still talking, but I don't know what he is saying as I am concentrating on the green eyed God walking towards me. Edward looks down to the ground shaking his head slightly while smiling widely. This "look" he has right now is without a doubt a look that could make me do just about anything. I catch my breath as I watch him approach. When he finally reaches me he pulls me into a hug and kisses me passionately. The boy next to me realizes his flirting was in vain and walks away, leaving Edward and I in our embrace. Yes, coming here was definitely a good idea. I already feel a little better.

"What are you doing here?"

"I came to surprise you and take you out to lunch." I lean in close to his ear, gently pulling his earlobe in my mouth and then whisper, "And maybe get a quickie."

He lets out a low moan and pulls me closer to him so that I can feel his erection. Hmm, definitely a quickie. I kiss him lightly on the neck and then move to his mouth, kissing him deeply. I actually forget we are in a public place for a moment until I hear noises around me. I pull away from him reluctantly.

"I'm glad you're here. My day is 100% better now." He says smiling.

"I'm glad I'm here as well. Let's get something to eat. I know you don't have a lot of time between classes. Is there somewhere we can go that is semi-edible?"

He laughs and gives me that "look" again before telling me there is a small restaurant called the 8 in McMahon Hall, which is the next building over. When we get there I realize that it doesn't look like a campus restaurant at all. It has all kinds of booths with large chairs scattered around in all kinds of bold colors. He finds a table that is somewhat isolated that also overlooks Lake Washington. Wow, this is nice. He throws his bag on one of the chairs and tells me to do the same. Afterwards, we walk around the restaurant deciding what to eat. They have pasta and salad and all kinds of stuff. Once we settle on what we want we head back to our chairs.

"So how long can you stay?" he asks.

"As long as you like," I say smiling, repeating the line he gave me the first night at the hospital.

He leans over and kisses me again and then smiles. We eat fairly quickly because he wants to show me Padelford Hall so I can see where his classes are. We are walking around Padelford, hand in hand, and it seems so natural. Who would have thought? He introduces me as his girlfriend to the various people we see walking through the hallways and I just keep thinking that I must be in some kind of alternate universe or something. Because in my world people don't give a shit about me, they don't care what or who I do and usually are not very healthy. As we are walking out of the building I look at him and smile as a wicked thought crosses my mind.

"So show me the "Allen". I want to see where you spend most of your time."

He laughs and there is that "look" again, God I need him to keep looking at me that way, I feel like some kind of junkie for it. I guess I am now triple addicted, caffeine, sex and this beautiful man walking with me. Okay, I am probably more than triple addicted but who the hell is counting anyways? He leads me a few buildings away and takes me inside. The library is huge, with floors and floors of books. There are lots of separate little areas where you can grab a book and read without anyone bothering you. So we find one of these nooks and sit in the chairs. I look around, it is an open area but the library isn't busy right now and I can see that no one can really see us from here. I smile and go to him, straddling his lap. I start kissing him as he runs his hands up and down my back. He lifts my shirt slightly so he can touch my skin and starts moving his fingers along my flesh. Finally, he lets out a light sigh and stops kissing me.

"No one can see us," I whisper in his ear then kiss his earlobe sucking on it lightly. "You spend a lot of time in here." I start kissing him up and down his neck, working my way back to his mouth. "I want, every time you come in here," I take his bottom lip into my mouth gently pulling on it, "for you to think about me and what I am about to do."

I then move off of his lap and get on my knees between his legs. I undo his pants quickly and have him in my mouth before he has time to protest. I am looking up at him as I watch his expression go from shock to confusion to pleasure as he finally closes his eyes and rests his head on the back of the chair. I am moving my mouth along his cock, paying special attention to his head, licking and sucking him, running my tongue along the slit in his head, and moving back and forth over him in a steady rhythm. He moves his head so that he can watch me, fisting his hand in my hair, telling me not to stop. He is starting to throb in my mouth and I know he is close, so I start moving faster bringing him to the back of my throat and pulling my teeth lightly over him as I move back towards his head. I repeat this a few more times before he grunts "Oh God!" as he releases in my mouth. I continue to move my mouth over him, making sure I have swallowed every last bit of him before I smile at him and move back to his lap kissing him.

"I can't believe you just did that," he says between raspy breaths.

"I want to fuck you," I whisper.

He starts kissing me again and I am grinding against him. I need to feel him inside me; I need to be connected to him in every possible way. When he pulls away from me and stops my hips from moving against him I frown. What the fuck!

"I can't fuck you here baby, someone would definitely figure that out. We are lucky we didn't get caught just now. Campus security is pretty weird."

Shit, don't I know it? Fuck! I don't want to think about that right now. Isn't it bad enough that I had a fucking dream about James? God I don't want to think about the 4th as well. Oh shit, I really don't want him to ever know about the 4th. He would definitely look at me differently. I move off of him and go back to the chair I was sitting in. I don't look at him as I try to formulate my thoughts. Isn't he supposed to do me whenever I ask him to? Isn't that the point of having a boyfriend? Fuck! I need him and he isn't helping me here.

"Hey, look at me." He says with concern in his voice.

I turn to look at him and he looks very serious. His brows are furrowed and he is no longer smiling. He motions for me to come to him so I get up and he pulls me into his lap so that I am once again straddling him. He kisses me lightly on the lips and whispers against my mouth.

"You know I always want you?"

Before I can answer, he starts kissing me, moving his hands down my back and over my ass. Then he moves his hands to the front of my jeans and undoes them quickly, slipping his fingers inside. He continues to kiss me as he moves his fingers inside my panties and starts rubbing them against my clit. I moan in his mouth and grind against him trying to get some friction. God, I need to cum! He's kissing me down my neck and sucking gently near my shoulder. God, he feels good. I can feel myself building as I whisper to him.

"Faster Edward, please."

He moves his mouth to mine, kissing me deeply, our tongues circling and exploring one another. I am moaning as he moves his fingers faster over me until I finally fall over the edge, panting into his mouth. Oh God, I needed that. I have been waiting all day to have him. To have him make me feel alive and make me forget the ugliness inside of me.

"Better?" He whispers against my lips.

"Infinitely," I reply, resting my head on his shoulder.

We stay in the library for about another hour, gently kissing and holding one another, until he finally has to get ready for his next class. He walks me to the visitors section of the parking garage and we stop at my car. Suddenly, he pushes me against the car, kissing me hard and running his hands over my breast. I can feel his erection against me and I move my hands over his ass slipping them into the back pockets of his jeans, pulling him closer to me. We stay this way for a few more minutes before he pulls away again. Why the fuck does he keep doing that?

"I want to take you out this week," he whispers, gently kissing my lips.

"Only if I can take you out as well?" I reply.

He laughs, "Why must you make this difficult? Are you ever going to let me just take care of you?"

"I let you take care of me in the library," I say winking at him.

"You are impossible sometimes, do you know that?" He smiles and kisses me lightly on my lips.

"Yes, I know." I hesitate for a minute and then continue, "I am trying Edward. It's just that I have NEVER relied on anyone; I have NEVER depended on anyone. If you do something for me, I feel like I owe you and I just can't have that. I know this probably doesn't make any sense, but it's just who I am."

He frowns at me and I realize that he really doesn't understand it. I mean, I came here so he could fuck the nightmare out of me, to make me feel like things would be okay. As a bonus though, I wanted people to see me with him, I wanted them to know that he is mine, plus he will NEVER be able to be in the library without thinking of me. I smile slightly until I realize that I can't explain all this without looking and sounding crazy. So instead of trying to explain I just lean in to him and kiss him again, pulling him closer to me.

"So where are you taking me?" I whisper to him.

He smiles. "It's a surprise but you'll need to wear a dress. You said you had Thursday off right?"

What in the world does he have planned? God, I hate secrets. Huh! That's the pot calling the kettle black considering I am keeping all kinds of things from him. I huff at him and then smile.

"Well, I am off Saturday night as well, so we are going out then too. So you got your date to plan and I got mine."

He laughs and shakes his head, grinning, before kissing me again. I mean seriously, didn't I just explain to him that I can't "owe" him? Geez! He says goodbye and heads back towards the buildings and I get in my car. Okay, that didn't turn out exactly as planned. Now what the hell am I going to do? I think for a moment and then pick up my phone calling Rosalie.

"Hey. I need your help with something."

* * *

><p><strong>AN… okay for the record, I LOVE DR. MASEN! Yeah, Bella has a lot of shit going on and we are only getting the tip of the iceberg so to speak. Edward is holding his own but Bella is definitely a handful and him just giving in to her all the time is not really going to help her. Although it is very HOT when he does! On side note I am not sure Edward will ever get anything done in that library ever again...LOL... Okay folks, as always tell me what ya think. Date night is next. YEAH!**


	11. Ch 10: Possibilities

**Rating: M- The M is for lemons (lots of them), language and situations. So if you're under 16 please be responsible for yourself. **

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer is the sole owner of the world of Twilight. I'm just having some fun with her characters.**

**Once again thank you to my amazing Beta's A & C for your constant encouragement and support and for your endless ideas and stories about date night…LOL… Okay, first off I want to give a special thanks to Dan for letting me borrow some of his smooth operator moves (Now I have it on good authority that he is even smoother than our Edward, hmm, NICE!) and second, C, I used NY Rob in your honor because of course you understand firsthand how disarming this man's smile is. And yes everyone, this restaurant really does exist as well as the other places mentioned. I have updated the TMH blog with photos so check them out. It really brings something to the story when you see the pictures.**

* * *

><p>When the rain is flowing in your face<br>And the whole world is on your case  
>I could offer you a warm embrace<br>To make you feel my love

When the evening shadows and the stars appear  
>And there is no one there to dry your tears<br>I could hold you for a million years  
>To make you feel my love<p>

I know you haven't made your mind up yet  
>But I would never do you wrong<br>I've know it from the moment that we met  
>No doubt in my mind that you belong<p>

-Make You Feel My Love by Adele

**Chapter 10: Possibilities**

The next few days went by uneventful. I worked 12 hour shifts at the hospital on Tuesday and Wednesday and thank God Jake used common sense for once and left me alone. Edward was really behind in a couple of classes and was up late both nights, writing furiously, so that he would be free Thursday and Saturday night. I was already having withdrawals, my body aching for him to touch me.

So, it's Thursday night, Date Night, this should be interesting. I literally have never been on a date before. Now what kind of 30 year old woman has never been on a date? I mean seriously, what is expected of me? What should I expect of him? This is all so utterly confusing and I can't believe I am actually doing it. Sometimes, my life feels like some kind of sitcom with the "applause" sign flashing so everyone knows to laugh and other times it feels like some kind of bad Lifetime movie. Sad part about it is I am more comfortable in the bad Lifetime movie. What does THAT say about me?

After I left the school on Monday I had called Rosalie to help me. Considering she is my only girlfriend, I thought she could be of use. Well, she was useful alright but in a skanky, crazy kind of way.

**FLASHBACK:**

"_What's wrong with this dress?" she asks casually._

"_Uh, I'll look like a street walker." I say sneering at her. Honestly!_

"_AND?"_

"_Rosalie, you're supposed to be helping me look presentable, not trashy." Why did I call her again? Oh yeah, she's my only friend._

_We have already been to several stores and I still am not satisfied with the offerings available. I want something nice, but not conservative, and it had to be sexy. Is that really too much to ask for? I glance at Rosalie as she is pulling out another dress. Hey, that red number she is holding up now would be perfect for Saturday night. Hmm, Edward would probably like that and hopefully will have a hard time keeping his hands off of me, which brings a huge smile to my face and makes me flush slightly in anticipation._

"_What the hell you grinning about, Swan?"_

"_I like that one, but for Saturday night. Let me try it on." I grab the dress from her, avoiding her questioning look._

_As I go into the dressing room, she is standing outside of it, musing at how she was able to reserve the Crow's Nest table at Trinity this Saturday. I swear she definitely knows how to call in a favor. I was at a loss on what to do for Saturday when Rosalie suggested Trinity. She said it is usually pretty fun Saturday nights and the manager owed her a favor. I don't even want to know what she did to garner that favor. I just know she had a wicked smile on her face when she said he "owed her". So she arranged for the table and I arranged for a driver, because my ass is gonna be drunk. Then she suggested I invite his roommates and sister and that we could do a whole "get to know one another thing, his friends and my ONE friend". She really emphasized the "one" piece. God, she's such a bitch sometimes, but I do love the woman. She's the only one that actually gets me. So anyway, I had called Edward to see what he thought about doing a group thing on Saturday and he said it would be great, that Alice had been dying to meet me. So I guess it's a group thing Saturday. Well, that's another first for me. I mean seriously, I am meeting his friends. I sigh at the thought and then step out of the dressing room. When I do Rosalie smiles broadly at me and winks._

"_Geez Swan, if I went that way, I'd make a pass at you in that dress."_

_I swear Rosalie is definitely worse than me. So this dress is a keeper, now for something a little nicer. It took forever before she pulled out a blue wrap around dress. It had a v-neckline that wasn't completely J-Lo, but a little lower than should be legal. The skirt fell just below my knees and seemed to flow and swish as I walked. It was simple, but sexy. Perfect!_

**END FLASHBACK**

So, now I am staring at myself in the bathroom mirror, assessing. I had applied very little shadow, but opted for some blue liner that matched the color of my dress, some mascara and some light blush, nothing too heavy. I never understood the whole, skanky tons of makeup thing. Natural has always worked best for me. I am going to meet Edward at his house in a half hour. He wasn't happy about this arrangement and couldn't figure out why he couldn't just pick me up here. I don't know why exactly, I just felt uncomfortable with him coming here. How the hell should I know why? I guess that's another thing I need to add to the list of topics I need to discuss with Dr. Masen.

* * *

><p>When I get to Edwards place, he answers on the first knock. Geez, was he just standing there at the door? When he opens it I am momentarily stunned. He is wearing a grey suit with a white button down shirt and a maroon tie. He looks like he just stepped out of a GQ photo shoot or is maybe on his way to some kind of movie premiere. I can tell he has tried to tame his glorious mop of hair but it is still trying to break free. It is hard to stop the desire to run my fingers through it. Maybe if I just muss it up a tad bit. God, I love his hair! I don't know how long I stand there staring at him with my mouth slightly agape, but it must have been longer than appropriate because Edward smiled that breathtaking, panty dropping smile and kissed me lightly on my open lips.<p>

"You look breathtaking," he whispers to my mouth.

"So do you." Yeah, that was articulate Swan.

He smiles and gives me the look I love so much before finally speaking, "Come inside; let me introduce you to my roommates."

We step inside and I immediately think of the last time I was here and Edward doing me against his bedroom door. Oh man, that was fantastic. We will need to do that again. I smile at the thought and then look around the living room. Ah, the boys picked up.

"This is Emmett." A huge man shakes my hand.

Emmett looks pretty fierce, he is tall and bulky like some kind of line backer or something with dark curly hair and dimples. I am thinking I don't want to mess with this one but then as he smiles I realize he is not fierce at all, he is more like a huge teddy bear. Then I remember what Edward said at the hospital about hooking him up with Rose and think, Oh yeah, definitely gonna hook my girl up with this one. She would devour him. Literally!

"And, this is Jasper." He motions to a good looking man about Edwards's size with blond hair and blue eyes.

"Good day, Madame." He takes my hand and kisses it lightly. Ah, the southern gentleman.

Then all of a sudden it hits me. I remember what Edward said about why he was in the hospital last Friday and I look between Jasper and Emmett and start laughing.

"What's so funny?" Edward asks curiously looking between his roommates.

"I was just trying to get a visual of Jasper dropping this huge guy over here on the ground hard enough that it required stitches." I say between laughing spells.

Then Edward laughs as well while Jasper just grins, looking at the ground. The only one not laughing or smiling is Emmett, who has an uncharacteristic scowl on his face. He shoots Edward a dirty look.

"What the hell E?" Then he looks at me and smiles, "You know he caught me off guard, it was a cheap shot. Normally, I kick his ass all over the place."

As he says this I hear Jasper snort and mumble something that I couldn't really make out and then Edward laughs again. I stare at Edward for a minute because his laughing is sexy as hell and sort of throwing me off balance. How does he always seem to disarm me? Finally, I drag my eyes away from him and look at Emmett.

I tap Emmett on the arm, geez; he's hard as a rock, "It's okay big guy, it happens to everyone at least once."

I hear a phone ring somewhere but don't see a landline anywhere but I hear Jasper talking to someone. He is whispering and glancing over my way and I hear him trying to discreetly describe me to whoever is on the other end of his phone call. Edward just rolls his eyes so I assume it must be his sister that Jasper is talking to. Finally, Jasper looks over at me and places his hand over the phone.

"Alice wants to know where we are going Saturday night so she will know what to wear." He rolls his eyes as he says the last part.

I chuckle a little before answering, "I reserved the Crow's Nest table at Trinity so we have it all night. I have also arranged for a driver to pick us up and take us there and back so everyone can drink and have fun responsibly." I arch my eyebrow at him on this last remark.

He repeats what I tell him to Alice and I swear I can hear screaming and the way Jasper is scrunching his eyes together and holding the phone away, I know I am right.

"Trinity, huh? I hear that's a nice club." Emmett states.

"Yeah, my friend Rosalie called in a favor, so we got the table in the main area. It overlooks the dance floor, so when we aren't dancing we can make fun of everyone below."

He laughs at this remark and I look at Edward, who is smiling at me. Then he brings my hand to his mouth and kisses it lightly and I am once again transfixed by his eyes. They seem greener tonight. Is that even possible?

"Are you ready to go?" he asks.

And I think, at this point, I would go just about anywhere with him. I nod, as my mouth isn't capable of coherent speech yet, maybe it won't ever be. At least not while I am in Edward's presence.

"Come on." He says as he walks me to the door and to his car.

* * *

><p>When we pull up to the waterfront, I am at a loss as to where we are going. I don't come down here. In fact, I don't think I have actually been here before. He valet parks the car at a hotel called The Edgewater. I think I have heard of it, but let's face it, I don't pay attention to stuff like this. I don't date and generally just go to bars or clubs when I want to pick up someone. I watch as Edward comes around to my door and opens it for me, reaching his hand out, which I take willingly.<p>

We walk to the restaurant they have inside called The Six Seven. It looks expensive. How is he going to afford something like this?

"Your table will be ready shortly, Mr. Cullen. Would you like to wait in the lounge? We will call you when it is ready."

He smiles and we walk into another section of the restaurant. They have soft music playing in the background and he smiles shyly at me.

"Dance with me Isabella."

No one else is dancing, but he doesn't seem to care as he pulls me closer to him. I think I know this song. He starts humming the words softly in my ear as we float to the music.

_I could make you happy  
><em>_Make your dreams come true  
><em>_Nothing that I wouldn't do  
><em>_Go to the ends of the earth for you  
><em>_To make you feel my love_

"Mr. Cullen. Your table is ready."

He kisses me lightly on my mouth and I swear I feel like I am high. Was he trying to tell me that he loved me? Am I reading too much into this? It was just a song. Calm down Swan! He takes me by the hand and leads me into the restaurant. Oh WOW! This place is beautiful. They take us to a table that is near a plexi-glass ledge that overlooks Elliot Bay. Edward pulls my chair out for me and smiles as I sit down. We are here at a perfect time because the sun is setting and the view is spectacular over the bay. The water is shimmering and rolling lightly below me and I am lost to the rhythm of it. I hear movement near us and turn to see Edward say something to the waiter and hand him a card. The waiter nods at him and smiles at me. What the hell did he just do?

"Isabella, you sitting there with the sun setting behind you," he smiles and looks down slightly before looking me in the eyes, "there are no words to describe how beautiful you look. I truly am the luckiest man alive."

I gasp. Oh my! How does he do that? Then he reaches over the table and takes my hands in his as he brings them to his mouth, kissing my knuckles lightly. I always thought that the idea of swooning was something authors made up so that girls would believe in some sort of fantasy world, but I am starting to believe it is real because the way he is looking at me right now, I feel like I am about to drop to the floor.

"The view here is spectacular." I glance over the water again, trying to break free from his mesmerizing green eyes and bring some form of clarity into my chaotic Edward infused brain.

"It is." He says softly.

When I turn to look at him, he is looking at me and I can't stop the gasp that escapes my mouth. He smiles, but before he can say anything else, the waiter returns to our table with a bottle of wine. Now I am entranced, as Edward tastes the wine, focusing on the way his lips caress the glass and the way his mouth parts slightly so that his tongue can sweep over his now ruby red lips. He nods at the waiter and he pours us both a glass and sets it in a stand near the table. When did that get here? God, I am a total basket case. This Edward induced euphoria is lethal. We sip our wine and the waiter is back before I can form any words to even come close to starting a conversation with Edward.

"Isabella, do you mind if I order for us?"

Huh! I nod, because once again, my mouth and brain are not working together and I am unable to form any coherent thoughts. I hear him talking to the waiter but have no idea what he is saying. I can't seem to take my eyes off of his mouth and the way his lips move as his tongue gently peaks out when he is rethinking something. When I am finally able to move my eyes away from his mouth, they wander to his hands and the way his long fingers are moving across the menu describing what he wants. Every so often he glances at me and smiles, assaulting my sense of equilibrium yet again. When he is done ordering, he reaches over the table for my hands and gently runs his fingers over my knuckles.

"I've never had a man order for me before. You are really putting on the charm Mr. Cullen."

This garners that look he gives me on a regular basis. That happy, and sort of embarrassed, look that makes me want to mount him immediately. Oh man, I need to gain some footing here or I am going to be a complete mess before dinner even arrives.

"You know, to quote Pretty Woman, _this whole romantic thing you got going on isn't really necessary, I'm a sure thing,_" I say with a smile.

He smiles and then frowns slightly. "Isabella, nothing in life is a sure thing. You deserve to be treated as the most beautiful woman in the world because that is what you are. I am only sorry that no one has ever showed you that before." He looks down and he has a contemplative look on his face. After a few moments he lets out a soft breath and looks up at me, "I want to give you everything and be everything for you. That is the minimum I am prepared to offer because that's how special you are."

He then kisses my knuckles again, looking up at me from under those long lashes and I gasp again. God, what is he doing to me? I seriously feel light headed. He can't say stuff like that; it's just ridiculous that he would care about me in that way. It doesn't make any sense. I am left reeling from the idea and unable to articulate how ludicrous it is for him to feel that way. I continue to stare at him lost in thought as he continues to gently caress my knuckles and kiss them lightly. After a few moments the waiter returns with the first course of our meal. I look at the plate and at first I am confused because I don't remember ordering this and then I remember "_I didn't order this, Edward did._" God, I am really losing it.

To say the meal was excellent is an understatement. He had started us out with the Lobster Ravioli, which was exquisite, and then for the main course he had ordered Cedar Plank Salmon with rainbow potatoes and roasted asparagus, he had even ordered dessert for us, which was an extremely luscious Espresso Praline Crème Brulee. My God! I have never eaten such a wonderful meal before and the wine Edward picked out went perfect with everything. How did he learn to do all that?

When we were done, the waiter never actually brings Edward the check he just brings him back his card and the receipt to sign. That's weird. How does he even know if the order is right? He is very trusting. I wouldn't do that.

"Let's walk Isabella."

He takes my hand and we start walking along the waterfront. It is Thursday evening so it isn't too crowded. From where the hotel is to the end of the pier is about a mile which isn't so bad. Of course I am wearing heels so the journey is going to take a little longer than if I had my chucks on. Man, if I had known we were going to be walking I would have brought them. I smile at how ridiculous that would look.

As we are walking along the pier we stop at Starbucks because the wine is doing something to my head and I want my Caramel Macchiato to sort of balance it out. We sit at one of the booths to wait for our coffees and to eat the chocolate covered strawberries that Edward just had to pick up as well. They were very yummy, but also very messy. Not that I minded though, because watching Edward giggling as the strawberry juice and chocolate started dripping from his mouth was bordering on pornographic. In fact, I nearly had an orgasm right there in the Starbucks when he allowed me lick it off of him. God, what is it about Starbucks and us? I am definitely going to have to do him in a Starbucks at some point.

After we finish our coffees we head back outside to continue our walk, holding hands along the way. When we get to Pier 59 we stop at the fountain in front of the Seattle Aquarium. He is standing behind me, his arms wrapped around my waist, pulling me close to him. I lean back resting my head against his chest.

"I think we should make a wish," he whispers against my ear.

Oh god, just feeling his mouth so close to me sends shivers over my entire body and has it begging for his touch.

"Hmm?" I am still unable to form any coherent thought. This is getting absurd. I'm a doctor for God's sake.

"We should make a wish." He says again while kissing me lightly on the neck, just below my ear. "Should we make a joint wish?"

"Do you have something in mind?" I ask as I tilt my head to the side allowing him better access to my neck.

"How about, to possibilities." He whispers and my body hums.

I sigh, possibilities indeed. Possibilities I never dreamed I was capable of, possibilities that I could love and be loved, possibilities that things could be okay, possibilities that me being fucked up wont ruin things for us.

"Yes, to possibilities," I say.

He kisses me again, lightly on my neck, as he pulls a coin out of his pocket and flicks it in the fountain. He holds me there for several minutes as we watch the water come down, it is beyond mesmerizing and once again I find myself lost in thoughts of a possible life with Edward. He runs his hands down my arms and steps away from me taking his jacket off. He carefully puts it on me and I am swimming in it. I inhale and smell Edward, it is intoxicating. He then takes my hand and we continue to walk along the waterfront.

On Pier 57 I am surprised by how many stores are open. We peruse through several of them. He makes me laugh, messing with all the stuff in the Pirates Plunder. Why the hell he would want to come in here is beyond me. It looks like some kind of tourist thing, but he is being silly, messing around with everything. I don't know. I guess the whole pirate appeal is a guy thing, not that I wouldn't do Jack Sparrow, or even Will Turner, or shit, both? Okay, focus Swan! I have to draw the line though when he suggests going on the carousel. There is no way I am getting on that, with the wine I drank I will end up dizzy as hell.

"Edward, if I get on that I will get sick, seriously. It just goes around and around and it's so not going to happen."

He throws his hands up and laughs as I just shake my head at him. He leans down and kisses me softly against my lips and pulls away leaving me wanting more. He then smiles and takes my hand as we continue walking along the pier. We are now walking along an area that overlooks the water and it isn't crowded at all. At this point in the evening I have had enough, I can't wait any longer. I have to have him. NOW! I stop us and pull him close to me, kissing him passionately. He returns my kiss and I start to move my hand down over his tie. Grasping it in my hand as I let it slip out when I reach the bottom. I do this a couple of times before I move my hand over his pants to his already erect cock. He wants this too. Good!

I glance around and see some benches and walk him backwards until we reach them and gently push him down on them. He breaks the kiss and looks at me confused at first and then his eyes change slightly as desire crosses over them. I straddle his hips, continuing to kiss him. He starts to move his hands up my thighs and groans out loud when he realizes I am wearing a garter underneath my dress.

"We should stop," he whispers between kisses.

Oh HELL NO! There is no way I am stopping. You stopped me in the library Mr. Cullen and that will not happen again. I continue to kiss him and move my hand to his pants, unbuttoning them and then lowering the zipper. I move my hand inside and start stroking him.

"Oh God, Bella," he says between rasping breathes, "We need to stop. Someone is going to see us."

"No one is around." I say against his throat and then add, "Stop fighting me Edward. I need you." And I bite down lightly on his neck, sucking and licking him as he starts moaning.

I work up his neck stopping to pull his earlobe in my mouth sucking on it lightly as he moans, pleasure surging through him. I work my way back to his lips and I start kissing him again, moving my tongue into his mouth exploring him until he is grinding against me. I move slightly so I can take his erect cock out of his pants and push my panties to the side. I come down on him and start moving my hips around. He is groaning loudly now, kissing me hard, as he grabs my thighs from under my dress.

"You feel so good baby." I whisper in between kisses, "Do you like being inside me?"

"Oh God, yes." He replies raggedly.

I am moving up and down on him, circling my hips every time I come down, but I can't get a good enough angle from this position. He is breathing hard now and kissing me even harder. Any reluctance he had is gone.

"Take my heels off Edward." I say forcefully to him.

He stares at me for a second, confused, before he leans over to take my heels off my feet and drops them to the ground. When he does that, I smile. I then move up slightly as I bring my legs up to the bench so that my feet are touching the back of it. I grab the top of the bench and start moving up and down and around him again. Oh yeah, now this will work. I start kissing him fiercely as we devour each other's mouth. We are moving together quickly and I can feel myself building. Who am I kidding? I have been building since I saw him at the door. He is biting on my lip, moving my hips and moaning my name.

"Bella, Oh God, I can't wait."

He is breathless, his eyes are closed and his expression of pure ecstasy sends me over the edge as I clench around him causing him to slam into me quickly as he cries out from his own release. When our breathing begins to normalize I pull off of him rearranging my panties as he re-situates himself in his pants. I grab my heels and am putting them back on when I glance at him. He is giving me an unusual expression which confuses me. I mean he doesn't look mad but he doesn't look happy either.

"Fuck, Bella. What the hell was that about?"

HUH! Wait, he didn't like that as much as I did? Oh shit! I stare at him for a minute before I move away from the bench to the railing at the pier. I need to get my head together and I can't do that while looking at him. Fuck! He has had me all over the damn place all evening, what the hell did he expect me to do. He could have stopped me. Shit! He did tell me to stop twice. Great! I fucked up his perfect romantic evening. God, doesn't he realize I can't stop myself?

I am looking out at the water trying to figure out how to rectify the situation so that I can salvage our evening when I feel two arms wrap around me. He gently nuzzles against my neck and sighs before finally speaking.

"Bella, you really scare me sometimes."

What! What is that supposed to mean? Like he is afraid of me scared? Like he thinks I am crazy or something? Well, I suppose I am. What the hell is he even doing with me in the first place? Scares him, FUCK!

"I scare myself most of the time."

He sighs again and doesn't say anything; he just continues to nuzzle the hair at my neck. I just stand there, staring out into the blackness, wondering how soon before it will overtake me, overtake us.

* * *

><p><strong>AN…. Ah, sorry to end date night on sort of a bad note but it had to be done. But damn! Can Edward plan a date or what? Once again thanks C & A for your help on planning date night. And C, give Dan a special thank you from all of us because he's "da man!" Okay, next chapter will be EPOV. And I might have a surprise for you tomorrow *smiles wickedly*… As, always tell me what ya think. I LOVE reviews almost as much as I love Edward, ALMOST.**

**Also, time to pimp my girl A (penname amandac3)… she just posted her first FF called Last Friday Night (story ****id: 7163346)****… Here is the summary:**

**Whipped cream flavored vodka, Justin Bieber, skinny dipping & Birthday Sex! Spend 24 hours in the life of Edward Masen. While celebrating their dirty thirty, twins Edward and Jasper, and their bestie, Emmett, carve a path of destruction through the city.**

**So check it out. It is pure unadulterated fun, plus come on, Edward is a fireman, did ya hear me folks a fireman. And did I mention skinny dipping? Okay, great story! You will like it.**


	12. Ch 11: All that you need

**Rating: M- The M is for lemons (lots of them), language and situations. So if you're under 16 please be responsible for yourself. **

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer is the sole owner of the world of Twilight. I'm just having some fun with her characters.**

**Once again thank you to my amazing Beta's A & C for your constant encouragement and support. Before we get started I just wanted to let ya know that I have decided to post 11 today and will post 12 tomorrow. I just HAD to give you date weekend together. I wrote them consecutively and they deserve to be read consecutively. So hope you enjoy our poor Edward who is at such a loss with Bella *sigh* **

**Don't forget to check out the TMH blog as I have posted some pics on there for this chapter (which also work for 12) as well as updated the playlist. Okay, I have to give props to Kristen and her smoking hot dress at the MMA's. So that was definitely the inspiration for her outfit. Also, the song used here is from Maxwell's Urban Hang Suite, one of THE best R&B albums ever made, it is the mack daddy of love making CD's and a must have for anyone. Check it out on Itunes or YouTube. The song used for this chapter is the epitome of where Edward is right now, a desperate man willing to do anything for the woman he loves even though he isn't sure if she loves him as well.**

* * *

><p>Lead me on girl if you must; take my heart and my love<br>Take of me all that you want  
>And if there's a thing that you need<br>I'll give you the breath that I breathe  
>And if you yearn for the love in me<p>

Whenever, wherever, whatever, baby  
>Whenever, wherever, whatever, baby<p>

Wish I knew if I could be the one that you want  
>Love forever and a day baby, oh yeah<br>And if there's a thing that you need  
>For you and your blood I will bleed<br>And if ever you yearn for the love in me

Whenever, wherever, whatever, baby

-Whenever, wherever, whatever by Maxwell

**Chapter 11: All that you need**

EPOV

"We should stop." I whisper

She continues to kiss me, moving her hands to my pants, unbuttoning and then unzipping them. She moves her hand inside and starts stroking me. Oh God, she feels so good, this feels so good, but shit we are on the pier. Anyone could just walk by or worse yet a cop could come by and arrest us. Okay, well maybe that's not true but we could definitely get a ticket or something. I need to stop her. Maybe I can satisfy her like I did in the library. The more she kisses me, the more unsure I become. My breathing is ragged and it is hard for me to think clearly.

"Oh God, Bella," I say between rasping breathes. "We need to stop. Someone is going to see us."

"No one is around." she says against my throat and then adds, "Stop fighting me Edward. I need you."

She bites down lightly on my neck, sucking and licking me and I can't stop the moan that escapes my mouth. She works up my neck stopping to pull my earlobe into her mouth sucking on it lightly and my whole body shivers as she works her way back to my lips. She starts kissing me again and then moves my cock to her entrance. She lowers herself on to me and starts moving her hips around. Oh God! I start kissing her hard and grab her thighs under her dress moving my hands over her garter stockings.

"You feel so good baby." She whispers to me between kisses. "Do you like being inside me?"

"Oh God yes." I say through ragged breaths.

I am breathing so hard right now and kissing her even harder. I can hear the water crashing near the pier and am thrown off by the sounds it is making as it combines with the sounds we are making. God, my brain keeps telling me this isn't right but another part of my anatomy is in charge. And right now, Isabella is in complete control of that part of me. I think she has been since I walked into that Starbucks almost three weeks ago. This shouldn't feel so good. I should stop her but I can't. I want this as much as her. The more she moves the more I accept that my brain has completely shut down.

"Take my heels off Edward." She says forcefully.

Did she just say something? Does she really expect me to focus on anything but the feel of her moving up and down on my cock? I stare at her for a second before it registers what she asked me to do. I lean down and take her heels off, dropping them on the ground. Why did she want me to do that? When I look at her she smiles and then she brings her legs up on either side of me, resting her feet against the back of the bench. She grabs the top of the bench and starts moving again. Oh God, Oh God! Now I know why she did that. She is moving up and down and around me, all the while kissing me fiercely. I am not going to be able to hold off much longer. I can feel myself pulsing inside of her and need to release desperately.

"Bella, Oh God, I can't wait."

I am out of breath as I close my eyes, Oh God, I am trying to hold off as long as I can, to make this last, but I don't know that I can. She feels so good and my body just respnds to her on it's own accord. Then I feel her clench around me and I can't contain myself any longer. I thrust quickly inside of her experiencing one of the most intense orgasms ever. When our breathing begins to normalize she pulls off of me and I quickly put myself back together.

Oh God! Now that my brain is back in charge, What do I do about this? I can't do this kind of shit. Is this what she wants from me? Does she need someone that will have sex in public? I mean, when she wanted to fuck in the library that threw me off but in a way I thought maybe it was an isolated incident but now I don't know that it was. She seems to get off on this kind of stuff. Fuck! What am I supposed to do? I can't let her go. I know I couldn't stop seeing her even if I wanted to.

"Fuck, Bella. What the hell was that about?" I say quickly.

Okay, that didn't come out right. Shit! She looks hurt. She stares at me for a moment and then walks away going to the railing at the pier. I can see that she is looking down into the water. This isn't what I wanted. Shit! I think I made her feel bad about herself but this kind of shit scares me. Hell she scares me when she does stuff like this because I know I can't stop her. I look at the ground, shaking my head. I need to fix this. I get up from the bench and walk over to her putting my arms around her, gently nuzzling against her neck. I sigh softly into her ear.

"Bella, you really scare me sometimes."

She is quiet for a moment before she finally responds.

"I scare myself most of the time."

Oh God! I sigh again and continue to nuzzle her neck and hair. I feel tears before I realize I am shedding them and I play it off by wiping them against her hair. What has hurt her so bad that she feels this way? And have I now contributed to her feeling like this? I move her hair slightly so that I can kiss her neck and she leans back into me.

"Isabella, I'm sorry." I whisper.

"You have nothing to be sorry for, I'm the one who should be sorry. I am not used to someone telling me no. It's difficult for me. But you have every right to not want to be with me."

What is she talking about? Not wanting to be with her. How could she even think that? All I can think about is her, loving her, being with her. Is this what she thought, that I didn't want her?

"Isabella, I want you always. I'm just scared that I'm not enough for you. I'm not really comfortable doing what we did here. I enjoyed it because it was with you but I was scared someone was going to see us, that we would get reported or something. I know that probably sounds kind of juvenile, and now saying it out loud, I realize how stupid I sound."

Shit, I sound like some kind of wussy, I should be lucky that my girl is adventurous. Most guys would be. They wouldn't be acting like I am; feeling insecure and worried about getting caught having amazing sex with my girlfriend on the pier.

"Will you stay with me tonight?" I whisper as I gently pull on her earlobe.

"I have to work in the morning so I should probably go home." Her voice isn't as forceful as it was earlier.

"Isabella, please." I start kissing her along her neck and she leans her head to one side allowing me better access.

"I want my mouth and hands to touch every part of you."

I run my hands up over her breasts and I can feel her nipples become erect at my touch. I slowly slip my right hand inside her dress and under her bra. I start teasing at her nipple, eliciting a low moan from her as I pull on her nipple ring. I start sucking on her neck and then move my left hand down to the bottom of her dress moving my hand up her thigh and over her panties resting on her wet mound. She wants me, she is ready for me.

"Let me pleasure you Isabella. Please."

She moans softly and leans back into me, "Yes."

* * *

><p>I wake up about 30 minutes before her alarm goes off. I had spent the rest of the night making up for my idiotic behavior on the pier. I made her come three times without having sex. I mean, I wanted to, but mostly I wanted to just please her and not me. I wanted to focus on her body, to learn where all her spots were, how to get her off with my touch, with my mouth. But now, shit I am so hard and my cock is begging me to wake her up.<p>

I move over to her and run my hand over her breasts, working my way over her stomach and finally running my fingers over her clit until I slip two of them inside her. She moans and spreads her legs for me. I smile as I move between her legs, moving my fingers in and out of her as she arches to meet them. I remove my fingers and she sighs. I continue to watch her as I enter her slowly. She moans softly and smiles, continuing to keep her eyes closed.

"Hmm, Edward, I love how you feel inside me."

I move her left leg so that her knee is up and then I do the same for her right leg. She moans as I move in and out of her. I think she is about to reach out to me but instead she takes each of her hands and holds her knees back, forcing her body to roll up slightly. I moan as the new position allows me further inside of her.

"Oh God, Bella, you feel good."

I grab onto the headboard so I can pull my weight forward pushing into her further. God, I am so deep. I start moving back and forth using the headboard for leverage. I look down at where we are joined and can see myself moving in and out of her, Oh God! That is so hot! I almost come just watching us.

"Harder Edward, go faster."

I start moving faster, moving my eyes away from my cock going in and out of her and focusing on her face. She is panting now, biting on her bottom lip. Oh God, she is so beautiful. We are both moaning loudly and I am moving so fast that the headboard is banging against the wall hard enough that it sounds like it is going to break. It probably sounds like we are shooting some kind of porno in here.

"Oh God Bella, come for me baby."

At that she arches her back as she throws her head against the pillow screaming my name as she clenches around me. Oh God! I thrust into her again and release myself within her screaming her name and then falling down on top of her. After a few seconds I roll off and lay on my back as my breathing tries to regulate. She slowly rolls over to me, putting her arm on my chest.

"Hmm, good morning to you too." She says as she kisses me softly on my chest.

We lay like that for several minutes, me gently stroking her hair and her gently running her hands on my chest and stomach. When her alarm finally goes off she moves away from me to grab her phone. She sits up and gets out of the bed to grab her clothes. I am watching her and then sit up and swing my legs over the bed, grabbing a pair of basketball shorts from the dresser and then sit back down.

She smiles at me as she walks towards me and stands between my legs, she pulls my head in her hands and kisses me just like she did the first time we were together.

"Edward, last night was phenomenal. The date was perfect and last night you were beyond amazing."

I smile and kiss her again, running my hands up and down her back, moving her dress up so that I can cup her ass. She pulls away slowly and looks down. She is biting her lower lip so I know she is contemplating something. I reach my hand to her face and remove her bottom lip from her mouth by running my thumb back and forth over it.

"I'm sorry if I made you feel bad on the pier. I…" she starts, but I put my finger over her mouth, stopping her before she can finish what she was starting to say.

"Isabella, don't. Please don't apologize for what happened. I just wish you would talk to me about what's going on."

"Edward, I just can't. I barely talk to my therapist about shit. Half the time I don't even know why I do some of the things I do. But I want to be with you and I will try harder to, I don't know, control myself."

I put my head down shaking it slightly and then kiss her lightly. "Baby, controlling yourself is the last thing I want from you."

"Well, that's good because I want you ALL the time. It's not normal how much I want you and controlling my sexual impulses has never been easy for me." She kisses me again and this time we deepen it until she sighs and pulls away.

"I need to go. I'll see you tomorrow night."

"Let me walk you out."

After she leaves I get back in bed since my classes don't start until 10:00 a.m. I can sleep a few more hours. I really need to talk to someone about her. Mom would be the first choice because of what she does but I don't know. I don't feel comfortable talking about sex with my mom even though she always says I can. Maybe I'll see if dad is free for lunch. Yeah, that's a better plan. I fall asleep dreaming of Isabella and the life I want to have with her.

* * *

><p>When I head into the kitchen to grab some juice Emmett and Jasper are glaring at me. What the hell is their problem? Finally, Jasper gets up and walks into the kitchen and leans against the counter.<p>

"You know E, we…" he waves his hand between him and Emmett, who has now gotten up to walk into the kitchen as well. "We are really happy you have someone, but the 5:00 a.m. fucking session is uncalled for. I am surprised you two didn't wake up the neighbors down the street."

I stare at them and at first I think they are just messing with me but by their stoic faces I know they are serious. Shit, how many times have I had to put up with Emmett's crazy ass parties or Jasper's guitar playing at all hours of the night?

"Hey, you guys have kept me up many a night. Besides, I figured Emmett could record it and use it as a soundtrack for his jacking off sessions." I smile at them both.

"Fuck you E!" Emmett states but then he just laughs.

"Seriously though, how the hell were we supposed to sleep during that?" Emmett says before he starts laughing, "But I did in fact jerk off so thank you very much." Then he laughs so hard that tears start coming out of his eyes.

I laugh involuntarily at them. "Okay fine, I will try to restrain from 5:00 a.m. morning sex but I can't make any guarantees. I'll see you guys later."

I grab my book bag and keys and head to the U. I have a couple of papers to submit today and then I need to go meet my Dad for lunch. He had texted me that he was free at 12:30 p.m. so we are going to meet then and maybe I can get some kind of clarity about Bella.

* * *

><p>"Hey dad." I say as I sit down across from him.<p>

My dad smiles and walks over to me to give me a hug. "It's been awhile son. You haven't been to the house in several weeks."

My dad is a successful business man. He got into some of the early Apple and Microsoft stocks and invested wisely. He didn't need the money though because he came from money but mostly invested in stocks for the thrill of it. He did a lot of things just for the thrill of it, trying to get a rush out of life he used to say. He didn't care about much until he met my mother. She "reformed" him so he likes to say. She used to preach to him that with money came responsibility and if he was so weak minded that he couldn't see that then maybe they were more different than alike. Over the years they started several charitable organizations and have become well known philanthropists. He's a tall man and I look a lot like him, except for the hair and eyes which I inherited from my mother. He has the ability to make people do what he wants, not by force but by just being in his presence. People just want to please him.

"I've been busy with school." I say and I can see by how he looks at me that he knows I am holding back.

"Is that all?" He asks as he pierces me with his blue eyes.

"Uh No, I also met someone." I say softly.

A smile crosses his lips, "Really, tell me about her."

The waitress comes over and takes our order and when she is gone I proceed to tell dad about Bella. I am a little nervous as I speak because our relationship did start from a one night stand but he doesn't seem to care about that. I tell him about how we got back together and her visiting me at the school and then about our date last night.

"Sounds like you really like her. So what's the problem? You are glossing over things but I can read people Edward and I know there is something else. Now what is it?"

That is definitely dad. He is one of the most caring men I know but he doesn't tolerate bullshit lightly. I stare at him for a moment trying to decide what I should and should not say. Finally the waitress comes and brings us our food and suddenly I am not so hungry. After she leaves I sigh and start talking again.

"She is very experienced sexually. She has also been through a lot emotionally. Things she hasn't shared with me yet. This morning she said she will try to be more open with me about things but isn't sure if she can. She said she doesn't even tell her therapist everything that is going on with her. Last night we had sex on the pier and it really freaked me out and scared the shit out of me. I mean, I love her dad. This I know but I just don't know that I am enough for her, that maybe she will never be able to love me and that I am just going to get burned in the process."

There I said it. God, I feel like a weight has been lifted off of me. I didn't realize how much I was holding inside. I look at dad and he is looking at his plate, moving food around with his fork. He has a pensive look on his face and I know he is thinking about what I have said. Now all of a sudden I am afraid of what he might say. What if he says I should leave her? Finally he looks up at me.

"Edward, you know the way I was before I met your mother. I was reckless and on a path of destruction. I didn't care about anything or anyone but when I met Esme all that changed for me. She saved me from myself. But she was able to do that because I loved her. For the first time in my life I loved someone and that altered how I saw the world. I didn't change overnight but she was patient with me."

He hesitates for a moment, looking back at his untouched food before looking back at me.

"I didn't have any deep rooted psychological traumas I was dealing with. I was just a spoiled rich kid who didn't feel loved by his father. So our situations aren't completely similar but similar enough. You say she hasn't told you what she went through?"

"No, she says she has nightmares but she hasn't had any on the nights we have been together. And she hasn't told me what the nightmares are about."

"Have you told her that you love her?" he asks with concern on his face.

"No. I don't know if she is ready to hear that." I look down at my uneaten food and sigh, "I want to tell her but I am afraid of how she will respond. I took her on a romantic dinner and her response was to fuck me on the pier so I am a little hesitant."

He stares at me for a moment before responding, "Well son, I can see why you would be hesitant." He sort of chuckles before continuing, "Maybe you need to take it slow with her. It seems that you are going full throttle here and that might be a bit much for someone who has never experienced love."

I nod and move some of my food around my plate. I suppose that makes sense but when I am with her it's hard to slow down. I want her to know that I am not like any other man she has been with. I want her to know what it feels like to have someone love her, to have someone think about what she needs and wants. I want her to know how special she is.

"Of course, I have never known you to go slow when you see something you want." Then he laughs and takes a bite of his food.

I smile and shake my head at my food. "Yeah, I suppose I do get tunnel vision sometimes."

He smiles and then looks at me serious again. "Son, you are the most level headed man I know. You are a lot like your mother. You care deeply for people. That's not a bad quality to have; you just have a tendency to go forth like a bull in a china closet, that I'm afraid is more like me."

He sighs before continuing, "Just be careful son. I don't want you to get hurt, especially after everything that happened with Kate." I look up at him at the mention of Kate and he hesitates for a moment before continuing, "I just know that was difficult for you and I don't want you to go through that kind of pain again."

"She's not like Kate dad." Then I look down at my plate moving the food around again before looking back at him, "Besides, What I feel for Bella after only knowing her for a few weeks is more than I ever felt for Kate."

"Even more reason to be careful." He lets out a deep breath, "So when do we get to meet this woman that stole your heart?"

"I don't know. She is working next weekend and I want to take her out of town the following weekend so probably after that. And dad, please don't tell mom about this. I don't want her trying to analyze everything."

He frowns at me, "Son, you know I don't, hell I can't, keep secrets from your mother. Please don't ask me to now."

"Fine! Just don't give her all the details. I don't want mom knowing about my sex life."

At this he laughs and shakes his head, "Well I don't want her knowing about your sex life either. I am not sure she would approve of sex on the pier or fellatio in the library at the U."

We finish our meal and talk more about school, his job, how Mike Newton is doing at his job. Of course I am not sure why he thinks I care about Mike Newton. Just because we went to school together doesn't mean I like him. In fact, he irritates the hell out of me. I can't believe dad hired him. When we are done dad hugs me again and slips some cash in my pocket. God dad, what am I, 15 or something? I head back to school for my last class.

* * *

><p>The rest of Friday through Saturday afternoon just seemed to drag on forever. I look at the clock and think she should be here pretty soon. Alice is just bouncing up and down. I can't believe she is so excited about going to a club. I am not really into the club scene but have gone out with Jasper and Emmett a few times before. None of us have been to Trinity and Alice has said several times that she has always wanted to go check it out. I didn't want to wear a suit again so ended up in some black jeans with a button down shirt and no tie. My hair was pointless but Alice did try to fix it. I don't know, I still think it looks like it always does. I'd cut it but Bella seems to like it this length and I must admit I really like it when she pulls on it, so I don't anticipate cutting it anytime soon.<p>

I hear the knock on the door and then Alice squeal. Oh God, she is going to be so annoying tonight. I can feel it. When I open the door I am not prepared for what I see. Bella is standing there in this short red dress with sequins or something on it and high black heels. Her hair is down and falling around her shoulders and she has dark shadow on her eyes. She is stunning and I am immediately hard. She smiles at me and runs her hands down the buttons on my shirt, resting them on the top button of my jeans.

"Oh for crying out loud! Are you going to invite us in or are you two going to fondle each other in the doorway?" Rosalie balks at me.

Bella responds before I can, "I elect fondling in the doorway. How about you Edward?"

I smirk but before I can respond any further Rosalie pushes past us laughing. So we turn around and follow her into the living room.

"Rosalie this is my roommate Emmett." She looks him up and down and then smiles. He is just staring at her. Huh! Emmett has no witty response. This should be fun.

"This is my sister, Alice, and my other roommate, Jasper." She reluctantly turns from Emmett and shakes both of their hands.

"So, now that the introductions are out of the way let's get the hell out of here. I am ready to have some fun." As she says the last piece she gives Emmett a smile and winks. He smiles and looks down for a second before he finally realizes that he can actually talk.

"Yeah, let's get the hell out of here!"

I look at Bella and she is grinning and she knows as well as I do that by the end of the night Rosalie will have Emmett eating out of the palm of her hand. We head out the door to the waiting limo. Huh! She said she was arranging for a driver but I didn't realize she meant a limo. When I look at her she catches my questioning look.

"I needed something to seat the six of us, plus it was just easier" then she leans close to my ear, running her tongue along the outside of it and sucking my lobe into her mouth, I groan, God, she knows how that gets to me, "Maybe we can have limo sex later." She whispers to me.

I turn to her and kiss her lightly on the mouth. When she parts her lips slightly I move my tongue inside twisting it around hers and let out a soft moan when she bites on my lower lip. Oh God, this woman is seriously going to kill me but damn, what a way to go.

It doesn't take long to get to the club and the driver lets us out at the front door. We walk to the doorman and give him our names and he ushers us in. Rosalie seems to know where she is going so we all just follow her. The main floor is huge and there are already a lot of people here. She says something to one of the servers who then takes us up to a table that overlooks the dance floor. Wow, this is definitely a good table. You can see everything. We get ourselves situated and order our first round of drinks.

Bella and I are sitting kitty corner to one another and I am running my hand up her leg. God this dress is so short and so HOT! She looks over and smiles as she slightly moves her legs allowing me access. She's not wearing any stockings and her legs and thighs feel so good. Just then the waiter brings our drinks and I sit up, removing my hand from her. She smiles at me as she downs her shot in one gulp and then picks up the second one downing it as well. She closes her eyes and smiles like it is the best thing in the whole world.

I chug my beer and glance around the dance floor and the other tables when I see him. What the fuck is he doing here? Just then I see him start moving this way. What the hell does he want? When he reaches our table he ignores me and reaches his hand to Bella, taking her hand and bringing it to his lips and kissing her on the knuckles. What the fuck is he doing?

"Bella, it's good to see you again." He says, still holding her hand.

She looks at me with what looks like fear but I don't know why she would be afraid. All I know is that he is holding my girl's hand right in front of me. So I stand up and move between him and Bella, severing their connection. I glare at him and he grins.

"Hey Edward, I didn't see you there." He says, his voice dripping with disdain.

My fists clench at my side and I swear I am about to deck him when I hear the chair move behind me and then hear Bella start to speak.

"Mike, I see you already know Edward." She says.

Then she laughs before whispering something in his ear. I don't hear what she says but he turns red and glances at me and then at her and then stalks off, back to the table he was at. Then I hear Rosalie laugh hysterically.

"Oh shit Swan! You're kidding me right?" Rosalie states between bouts of laughter.

Bella looks at Rosalie and smirks and then looks back at me and the confused expression on my face. What the fuck just happened? Wait, was she with him before. Oh God, I think I am going to be sick. I sit back down and she looks at me with concern on her face. Then she sits back in her chair and leans in to me and kisses me on the mouth. I open my mouth to her and we kiss passionately for a few moments until we hear Emmett holler at us over the music.

"Geez, get a room you two!"

Bella runs her fingers over my lips and then speaks softly to me, "I'm sorry about that, he won't come around again."

"What did you say to him?" Oh God, do I really want to know?

She smiles at me and kisses me lightly on the mouth before stating, "I just reminded him that the one and only time I was with him I called him Edward."

And then she kisses me and runs her hands down the buttons on my shirt until she reaches my jeans and this time she doesn't stop until she is resting her hands over my already hard cock. I sigh and close my eyes. What the fuck do I do with that information? And I realize that at this point I just don't care as long as we are together. I slowly open my mouth allowing her access.

* * *

><p><strong>AN… Ah Mike, ya shady SOB. I guess he didn't get the memo that Bella don't play with anyone messing with Edward….LOL… Had to give homage to the BD trailer because well the headboard scene was pure HAWT! And nope, we are definitely not done at the club. As always let me know what ya think. Chapter 12 tomorrow morning.**


	13. Ch 12: Love in this club

**Rating: M- The M is for lemons (lots of them), language and situations. So if you're under 16 please be responsible for yourself. **

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer is the sole owner of the world of Twilight. I'm just having some fun with her characters.**

**Once again thank you to my amazing Beta's A & C for your constant encouragement and support. I have so much fun going over chapter ideas with you two and getting your feedback. We are definately one crazy bunch of chickas...LOL... And A, I know you enjoyed editing this chapter, *wink, wink***

**Well, I just found out that I won't have internet access this weekend so I am posting 12 today as I am a woman of my word...LOL, Okay, drunk ass people have NO filter. That's all I am saying, hehehehe. Seriously though this is sort of a wild ride in the club and it brought back some fun memories for me and my girls about our clubbing days. It also served as a reminder for me as to why I don't drink anymore…LOL**

**On a side note wanted to give some props to Usher who I saw in concert a few months ago. When he sang the song I use here all I could think about (aside from the way he was dancing on stage) was the interview Rob did where he started speaking the lyrics to this song. Yeah, Robsession in full effect…..LOL**

* * *

><p>I want you to love me, like I'm a hot ride<br>Keep thinkin of me, Doin' what you like  
>So boy forget about the world<br>Cause it's gonna be me and you tonight  
>I wanna make you beg for it,<br>Then Imma make you swallow your pride

Want you to make me feel like I'm the only girl in the world  
>Like I'm the only one that you'll ever love<br>Like I'm the only one who knows your heart  
>Only girl in the world<p>

Like I'm the only one that's in command  
>Cause I'm the only one who understands<br>How to make you feel like a man

Only Girl (In the world) by Rhianna

**Chapter 12: Love in this club**

I am kissing him and stroking him through his jeans. He is moaning in my mouth and I am hoping that he has forgotten about that idiot Mike. I can't believe that Mike had the audacity to come up to me when I was clearly sitting with Edward. How dare he do that, disrespecting him in front of everyone? Well, he won't be coming over here again. The waitress is back, refilling our drinks, and the music is very loud. When I pull away from him he is watching me, his eyes hooded as he pulls me back to him, kissing me again.

"Do you want to go dance?" I ask, breathless from our kiss.

He is breathing hard now and it looks like he is having trouble forming the right words. I run my fingers across his lips and up his jaw. He closes his eyes and parts his mouth slightly. I lean in and kiss along his jaw line coming up to his ear. I let my tongue move over his ear and down his neck, gently nibbling and sucking as I go which sends shivers throughout his body. I move back up his neck and gently pull on his earlobe as I whisper in his ear.

"Baby, I am yours." I kiss along his outer ear, "All yours, Edward."

I run my hand down his face and move it so that I can kiss him again. He opens his mouth slightly to allow my tongue to enter. I am kissing him deeply; caressing his tongue with mine, then gently sucking on it, letting him and everyone else know that I want him. I continue to stroke his cock from the outside of his pants and it is straining trying to get out. He lets out a soft whimper as I break our kiss.

I touch my forehead to his. "Don't let him ruin our night, he isn't worth it."

"I know," he replies softly. "I'm sorry."

I kiss him again. It starts out soft and gentle but once again morphs into our tongues exploring one another in a quick and chaotic manner, unable to get enough. I don't want him to carry this idea that Mike was someone important to me, someone that he should compare himself to. I want him to know that Mike was nothing, that he is all I want. When we break away from each other we look around and the whole table is watching us. Alice looks concerned and Jasper and Emmett look like they are ready to back Edward up at beating the crap out of Mike, and Rosalie, well Rosalie is Rosalie, so she is just enjoying the show.

"So, is the drama done and over?" Rosalie asks, "Or should I go over and bring that asshole back here so you boys can beat the shit out of him? Not that I mind of course I'm just trying to plan my night a bit."

I look at her and then Edward laughs. "As much as I'd like to beat the shit out of Mike I think I am going to just enjoy our time tonight." He looks at me and smiles, "Baby you want to dance?"

I smile widely, "Hell yeah!"

I down my next two shots as we head down to the dance floor along with everyone else at the table. By the time we get to the floor the song changes. Oh God I love this song. So Edward and I start moving close to one another as I begin to sing the lyrics to him as I dance.

_So boy forget about the world  
><em>_Cause it's gonna be me and you tonight  
><em>_I wanna make you beg for it,  
><em>_Then Imma make you swallow your pride_

I am grinding against him, up and down, as he moves with me, keeping perfect pace. I turn around and my back is to him as I move forward so my ass grinds against him. He grabs my hips as I come back up and I lean back against him. I continue moving my hips so that my ass is rubbing against him and then move to the ground and back up again.

_Want you to make me feel like I'm the only girl in the world  
><em>_Like I'm the only one that you'll ever love  
><em>_Like I'm the only one who knows your heart_

_Only girl in the world  
><em>_Like I'm the only one that's in command  
><em>_Cause I'm the only one who understands  
><em>_How to make you feel like a man_

He runs his hands up from my hips, over my stomach and then traces my breasts with his fingers before moving them up my neck. I turn around so that we are facing each other again and he moves his hands over my ass and pulls me close to him, moving me to the beat of the music, his eyes never leaving mine as I continue singing to him.

_I want you to take it like a thief in the night  
><em>_Hold me like a pillow make me feel right  
><em>_Baby I'll tell you all my secrets that I'm keeping you can come inside  
><em>_And when you enter you ain't leaving  
><em>_Be my prisoner all night._

I run my hands down his back, cupping his ass, and then bringing my hands around to his chest. I start to move down to the ground and up again. As I go down I run my hands along his chest and over the prominent bulge in his jeans. As I move back up I allow my fingers to linger over his crotch, once again stroking him and eliciting a breathy groan. I smile and start singing again, moving my hips so that I am rubbing against his cock as I lean in to kiss along his ear. Which I have learned is one of his most sensitive spots and is sure to elicit a reaction from him.

_Take me for a ride, oh baby take me high,  
><em>_Let me make you surprised oh make it last all night_

He is moaning as he grinds against me to the beat of the music and by the time the song changes I am so riled up that I am ready to forgo my promise to myself that I wouldn't fuck him on the dance floor. The song has changed but I am just breathing hard as I watch him. I don't know what is going on around me as I am only able to focus on Edward. I run my hand up into his hair pulling him to me and kiss him. We deepen the kiss and he runs his hands up my leg to the hem of my dress as he moves his hand underneath it, gradually moving my dress up.

"EDWARD!" Alice shrieks near us.

We stop kissing and glance at her. When did she get here? She is starring open mouthed at us. What? We were just dancing. Okay, well I was ready to fuck him just now but still. He doesn't say anything to her but smirks at me and then straightens out my dress and we continue to dance to whatever song is on. Trying to keep it R-rated versus the X-rated version we were just doing. Hmm, that Alice is a bit of a cock blocker! Edward is an excellent dancer which shouldn't surprise me considering he really knows how to fuck. I haven't enjoyed dancing this much in a long time. After several more songs we all head back to the table and order some food and more drinks.

"Well Swan, looks like little Alice here stopped another public indecency charge huh?" Rosalie states nonchalantly as I glare at her. Fuck!

"You have a record?" Edward asks shocked.

"Sure, doesn't everyone?" I feign ignorance.

He laughs, "Uh, no Bella most people don't have records. But to be honest I can see you having public indecency charges." He just shakes his head smiling and picks up his beer.

"Rosalie, I need to talk to you." I get up and grab her by the arm dragging her to the restroom.

"What the hell, Rose!" I shout once we are inside.

"What?" she retorts.

"Edward doesn't know about the 4th and I don't want to talk about that or anything else related to that shit. Fuck! How could you just throw that out there?" I am fuming, almost to tears.

She stares at me for a minute before speaking, "Fuck, Swan. Shit I'm drunk. Sorry. You know I have no fucking filter when I am drinking. Hell, I barely have a damn filter when I'm NOT drinking. What the hell do you expect?" She is gradually getting louder the more she speaks. I just glare at her when she finally starts speaking again a little softer, "Well, at least he didn't seem upset or anything."

WHAT! I raise my voice a couple of octaves as I shout at her. "That's because he is drunk so his common sense hasn't kicked in yet. FUCK!"

Before she can respond Alice walks in and looks at the two of us before heading into one of the stalls. I glare at Rosalie and mouth "don't say anything" to her. She nods and when Alice comes out she is so damn bubbly. I swear, she is like a walking rainbow or some shit.

"Oh, Bella I am having so much fun. Thank you for doing this. You are so much funner than Kate ever was. We never did anything like this." She says drunkenly, slurring and making up words as she goes. Seriously, who the hell uses the word funner unless they are drunk?

Alice is so intoxicated and Rosalie and I look at one another. Rosalie arches her eyebrow at me and I know exactly what she is thinking, "Interrogation time!" Inebriated people have absolutely NO filter, note the bitch standing next to me. So if I want some intel on Edward now would definitely be the time because I would imagine Alice would tell us just about anything.

"So, what was Kate like?" Rosalie asks as she leans against the counter next to her.

"Oh, she was nice and all. Edward dated her for a few years but he broke up with her earlier this year. She was a real stick in the mud though. She was so serious all the time. I asked him one time why he was with her and he said he didn't know anymore." She starts playing with her hair, messing with the spikes she has going on.

Rosalie and I lock eyes again. Hmm, is she someone I need to be worried about? Is she gonna wander back into his life? Rosalie must catch my concern and speaks first.

"So, is she someone my girl here should be worried about? Am I gonna have to kick someone's ass or something?" she asks and arches an eyebrow looking down at her because Alice is a short little thing.

God, I swear Rosalie is a piece of work. But I love her crazy ass. Alice just looks at her for a few seconds and then frowns slightly.

"No, Kate died in February."

Fuck me! Is that why he didn't date for so long? He was mourning his girlfriend. Fuck! Does he still love her? I can't imagine Edward being with someone for a few years and not loving her. Would he have gotten back together with her had she not died? My head is swimming and not just because of the alcohol. So this is probably some kind of fling for him to get over her. I lean against the counter trying to steady my spinning head. Rosalie and Alice both look at me.

"You okay, Bella?" Alice asks concerned.

"Yeah, I'm good. I think I just need to eat something. We better get back to the table before Emmett eats everything we ordered." I try to sound okay but Rosalie is watching me carefully. Bitch knows something is up.

When we get back to the table the waitress is just bringing the food. Emmett reaches in to grab something and Rosalie slaps his hand away.

"Hey! Haven't you ever heard the saying _ladies first_?" She motions for me and Alice to get some food and rolls her eyes at Emmett, who is just staring at her. Then she moves and sits on his lap, whispering something in his ear that causes him to both smile and blush at the same time.

I go to sit in my chair but Edward motions for me to sit on his lap. So I go to him and sit down. He runs his hands up and down my arms and kisses my bare shoulder. I sigh and relax into him. Fuck it! If this is a fling I will just do a better job at not attaching to him. I'll just let it be about sex. Keep it simple Swan! Don't let your emotions cloud everything. Keep it about sex, keep it about sex, keep it about sex. I say this over and over in my head until my head stops swimming and I am calm. I have plans for tonight and this doesn't alter them at all.

We all laugh, dance and make small talk for the next several hours, joking with one another and making fun of Alice and how drunk she is. I am sitting on Edwards lap and every so often I would move my hips so that my ass was grinding unto him eliciting a soft growl or nibble from him in response. I am not paying much attention to the music and what is playing until I hear Edward singing softly in my ear.

_Looking in your eyes while you on the other side  
><em>_I can't take it no more, baby I'm coming for you  
><em>_You keep doin' it on purpose whindin' and workin' it  
><em>_If we close our eyes it could be just me and you_

_I wanna make love in this club  
><em>_In this club  
><em>_In this club  
><em>_In this club  
><em>_I wanna make love in this club_

I lean my head to him so that he can kiss me and as he brings his mouth to mine, I hike my skirt up slightly so I can turn around and straddle his lap. He starts running his hands over my ass and then moves them under my skirt to squeze my thighs. I continue moving slowly to the beat of the song, gently brushing aginst his pants all the while still kissing him, moving my tongue around his tongue and moaning urgently in his mouth.

_Might as well give me a kiss  
><em>_If we keep touchin' like this  
><em>_I know you scared baby  
><em>_They don't know what we doin'  
><em>_Lets both get undressed right here  
><em>_Keep it up girl and I swear  
><em>_I'ma give it to you non stop  
><em>_And I don't care who's watchin', watchin', watchin'  
><em>_On the floor baby lets make love_

He finally bites on my lip as he takes my hips and grinds me against his erection. Oh Hell! I am ready to leave. I want Edward desperately and I have basically been completely good aside from the pornographic dance we did earlier. I have tried to reign in my sexual desire for him but enough is enough. I whisper in his ear that I am ready to leave. He smiles and nods. I move from his lap straightening out my dress and grab Alice and Rosalie to tell them that Edward and I are taking off. I let them know that everything is paid for and that I would send the limo back to the club once Edward and I arrive at the house. And then I beg them, literally beg them to stay at least another couple of hours. Alice just giggles and Rosalie smirks at me. They understand. So I take his hand and we head out of the club to the waiting limo.

* * *

><p>The minute we get inside the limo he is all over me. Kissing me fiercely and pushing me against the seats. He continues kissing me as he grabs the hem of my dress and pulls it up to my waist and then pulls my panties down. He finally breaks our kiss and gets on his knees looking up at me from under those long lashes. I lean back in the seat as he starts sucking and licking on my clit while using his fingers to move in and out of me. I am moaning loudly and fisting his hair. God his mouth feels so good on me and it isn't going to take long for him to make me come. He is working that talented mouth of his making me writhe underneath him as I pull on his hair pulling him closer to me. After only minutes I am clenching around his fingers and he is moaning against my clit but he doesn't stop. He continues to suck and lick me while pumping his fingers inside of me causing my body to shudder. Oh God! I need him; I need to feel him inside of me.<p>

"Oh God Edward. I need to feel you inside me."

He stops sucking me and comes back up kissing me and I can taste myself on his lips and moan involuntarily. He unbuttons his pants and takes his massive cock out. How has he been able to contain that in his jeans all night? I push him back on the seat and straddle him coming down on him hard. We start moving fast and are moaning into each other's mouths. This is going to be quick because I am already close again and I know he is ready.

"Bella, Oh God. I need you so much."

"Edward." It's the only word I am capable of at this point.

I can't say what I want to say, I need to be careful here. This is going to be more difficult than I thought it would be. I need him more than I have ever needed anyone. I feel myself building and can't stop the orgasm that overcomes me. As soon as I come he thrusts into me again and comes hard, throwing his head back and calling out my name. We don't say anything as we travel the rest of the way to his place. I just rest my head on his shoulder and he runs his hand up and down my back. When we get to his duplex we get ourselves together and I grab the bag I left in the limo as we get out of the vehicle. I tell the limo driver to go back to the club and take the others home when they are ready.

He puts his arm around me as we head to his place and go immediately to his bedroom. We sit on the bed and I look at him, running my hand through his now messy hair.

"Edward do you trust me?"

"Of course." He replies without hesitation.

"I would like to _play_ tonight. Are you up for that?" I continue to run my fingers through his hair.

He smiles at me, "What do you have in mind?"

"I want to tie you up. But I won't hurt you. I want to give you pleasure." I lean over to him and gently lick this ear and pull his earlobe in my mouth, sucking it lightly. He groans and his breathing starts to escalate.

"Okay." He whispers to me.

I smile and kiss him lightly on the mouth, pulling on his bottom lip. "Get undressed and lay on the bed."

I watch as he does what I ask him to do. I go to my bag, pulling out five silk scarves. Now I have been thinking about tying him up since last week when he made the S & M comment, but after Thursday night I haven't been able to think of anything else. He seems nervous and I wonder if he has ever been tied up before. I better reassure him before we get started.

I straddle him on the bed, holding the scarves in my hands and letting them flow against his chest and stomach. "These won't hurt you and they won't leave any marks on you. I won't tie you up tightly. Mostly, I just don't want you to move as I explore your body."

He nods and I lay the scarves on his stomach as I get up and go back to my bag. I bring out my small vibrator that attaches to my finger. I go back and straddle him again. "I am going to use this on you. It won't hurt you. It is designed for women to bring pleasure to themselves but I want to use it on you. Is that okay?"

He looks at the vibrator and nods. I smile and kiss him lightly on the mouth, he opens his mouth to let me enter and I don't hesitate. We kiss for a few moments more until I am desperate to get started. I pick up one of the scarves that are lying on his tight stomach, gently running the tips of my finger over him as he moans softly. I take his right wrist and move it to the corner of the bed, tying him to the frame. I do the same thing to his left.

"Do they feel okay? Are they loose enough?" he nods. I am not sure he remembers how to speak. I smile and then continue, "Scoot down until you are comfortable. You will need to hold this position for awhile so make sure it is not too tight. You should be able to move slightly."

I watch as he moves and repositions himself. God he is so sexy tied up for me. I am almost tempted to teach him a few things but that is not on the agenda for tonight. He said he wasn't into that kind of stuff. Once he is in position I tie his ankles to the frame. He is watching me as I start to take my clothes off slowly. His tongue comes out of his mouth slightly as I remove my bra and panties and I have to smile as his tongue gently sweeps over his lips.

I take a deep breath as I admire his beautiful body exposed just for me. God I need to touch him. I run my hands up his legs, avoiding his cock, for the time being, and continue over his tight stomach and chest. I am so glad we had sex in the limo; he will be able to hold off longer now that he has already come once.

"I am going to blindfold you. Is that okay?"

He looks nervous again. So I lean down and kiss him, moving my tongue up his jaw and then back down until I am at his lips again. He moans into my mouth twitching his arms as he instinctually reaches for me but can't. I run my hands up his arms and back down again as I look into his hooded green eyes.

"I don't have too. It just enhances the pleasure if you have to focus solely on what I am doing to you. How about if I start out blindfolding you and if you feel uncomfortable just tell me and I will take it off immediately, no matter what. Is that okay?"

He smiles and nods his assent. I take the final scarf and tie it around his eyes and then kiss him again, moving my tongue in his mouth and sucking on his top lip, then his bottom. I could just kiss him all night but I have other plans for this gorgeous man.

First, I run my hands over his body. Starting from his long sexy fingers to his wrists, moving down his arms and then over his chest, I start tracing his abs and moving my hands over his hips working towards the hair leading to his cock. I bypass his cock and move my hands over his thighs working towards his ankles and end by going up the arches of his feet to his toes. I then reverse this going from his toes and working my way back up his body to his fingers. He has a smile on his face the entire time I am doing this and is softly humming as I touch him.

I take the vibrator and put it on my finger and start the same journey that my hands just made followed by gentle kissing and sucking. He starts moaning the minute the vibrator touches him and by the time my mouth is on his body he is writhing underneath me. I smile at the reactions he is having to me because he is about to lose it and I haven't even touched his cock yet.

Once I am done with his body I bring my hands to where he really wants them. I start moving my fingers first over his balls, gently caressing them in my hands and then moving over to his cock, going up and down and around his length, circling his head and running my finger across his seeping tip. I watch his face as I take the same route with the vibrator and then my mouth.

"Oh God, Bella, Fuck that feels so good." Hmm, seems he found his voice again.

I continue to do this over and over again. Every time he arches his back and is on the brink of orgasm I stop and gently breathe over his cock, letting him feel how close I am, letting him know I could touch him, lick him at any moment. I stay like this until his breathing regulates and then I continue again. It is a sweet torture watching as his body responds to me the way that it does. He is breathing hard and begging me now.

"Bella, God, I need to come. Please!"

I move up over him and take his cock in my hand moving it to my entrance. I move his head inside and then take it out and move it up and over my clit before moving it back inside of me. I do this several times before I finally come down on him completely. I continue to move up and down on him slowly, moving almost completely off of him, leaving only his head inside while moving the vibrator up and around him before coming back down again. I do this over and over until he is begging me again.

"Bella, Please!" he says between rasping breaths.

Oh man, he feels so good and looks heavenly as he moans my name and writhes in pleasure underneath me. I just want to savor this moment for as long as I can but I know that he can't take much more. I start to move faster and now as I move up off him I bring the vibrator to myself as well. I know he is so close and that he is trying to hold off until I come. I continue to move up and down, moving the vibrator over the both of us until I am unable to hold off any longer and clench around his glorious cock, giving him permission to release inside of me. He comes hard and long, shivering as he rides out the orgasm that I have been preventing him from having since we got here.

When his breathing settles down I move off of him and untie his ankles and then his wrists, gently massaging them before finally removing the blindfold. He wraps his arms around me laying me on my back and kissing me fiercely. His mouth is devouring me as he breathes hard and runs his hands over my entire body, finally able to touch me.

"Did you like that baby?" I whisper between kisses.

"Oh God! That was the most erotic and sensual thing I have ever experienced. I don't even have words to describe how good that felt."

He wraps his arms around me, laying his head on my chest and entwining his legs with mine. I run my fingers through his soft hair, massaging his scalp as I do. Within minutes he is sleeping and I smile. Hmm, that worked out a lot better than I thought. He really liked that so maybe he would be open to something else. I listen to his gentle breathing and finally fall asleep feeling completely satiated. Well, at least for now.

* * *

><p>"<em>You're the kind<em>_ of girl guys fuck not the kind they marry."  
><em>_He says with venom in his voice._

I wake up quickly, looking around. Edward is wrapped tightly around me with a contented smile on his face. Fuck! What time is it? I lay my head down and start running my hands over him. What the hell was that about? I start thinking about last night and how good he had felt and then I remember what Alice said and frown slightly.

"Baby, you okay?" he asks sleepily.

"Sorry, did I wake you?" I say as I run my fingers along his jaw and then tracing his plump lips.

"Yeah, but its okay. Do you want to talk about it?" he opens his eyes and looks at me.

"Talk about what?"

"Your whole body just shook and then you jumped up gasping. Did you have a dream?" He looks concerned.

"More like a nightmare, but no, I don't want to talk about it." then I smile at him, "You could help me forget about it though."

He smiles and then starts running his hands over my breasts, playing with my nipple ring. He then moves one of his hands down further until he slips a couple of his long fingers inside of me. I close my eyes and moan softly as he moves his fingers in and out of me. He leans over and kisses me lightly on the mouth, running his tongue around my lips seeking entrance. I sigh and open my mouth to him letting his tongue work its magic. He pulls away slightly and whispers against my lips.

"I think I can help you with that."

* * *

><p><strong>AN… okay, well for starters as much as I miss Fifty *sigh* this isn't going to turn into a BDSM story although I am not opposed to them "dabbling" a bit…LOL… It's just Bella is feeling at a loss related to her emotions and her feelings about Edward. She needed to exert some control here and since sex is her primary method of control, here ya go. In her mind what better way to control a man then to tie him up and control his orgasm? Hmm, she does have a bit of a point….okay, okay, sorry…LOL… Alright the day after is next, oh what will our dear Bella do? As always, let me know what you think. **

**Hope you enjoyed their date weekend. We will be back to weekly updates now. So I will post chapter 13 Friday morning.**


	14. Ch 13: My own worst enemy

**Rating: M- For lemons (lots of them), language and situations. So this means if you're under 16 please be responsible for yourself.**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer is the sole owner of the world of Twilight. I am just having a little harmless fun with her characters.**

**Once again thank you to my amazing Beta's A & C for your constant encouragement and support. And a special shout out to Amanda for creating my AWESOME banner. Thanks girl! As always, check the blog for current pictures and the updated playlist. **

**Well, I hope you all enjoyed date weekend as much as I enjoyed writing it. So hmm, let's see what is going on in our dear Bella's mind?**

* * *

><p>Wake in a sweat again, another day's been laid to waste<br>In my disgrace, stuck in my head again  
>Feels like I'll never leave this place<br>There's no escape, I'm my own worst enemy

I've given up, I'm sick of feeling  
>Is there nothing you can say?<br>Take this all away, I'm suffocating!  
>Tell me what the fuck is wrong with me!<p>

I don't know what to take  
>Thought I was focused, but I'm scared<br>I'm not prepared, I hyperventilate  
>Looking for help somehow, somewhere<br>And no one cares; I'm my own worst enemy

Given Up by Linkin Park

**Chapter 13: My own worst enemy**

When I wake I am somewhat unsettled. After my nightmare Edward had made love to me and then held me until I fell asleep again. Now I am feeling a little lost as to what I should do next. Am I supposed to spend the day with him? The last time we had spent the weekend together we had agreed that Sunday we wouldn't spend together so that he could do school work that he would need for the upcoming week. Does that still stand? I think I need to leave. I have too much on my mind and I can't think clearly when Edward is around. I look at the clock and it is 10:00 a.m., definitely time to make my departure. I carefully remove myself from his embrace and get out of the bed, going to my bag to pull out the change of clothes I had brought. I start to get dressed quickly, hoping I can avoid the awkwardness I am suddenly feeling.

"Where are you going?" he asks sleepily.

"Uh, home?" I reply.

"Why?" he is awake now, looking at me with those green eyes that are capable of piercing my soul. If I even have one.

"It's Sunday." I say but when he looks confused I continue, "Sundays are your day to do school work. I thought we established that the last time we spent the weekend together." I say the last part with a smile hoping to lighten the heaviness that has entered the room.

He is watching me and then he gets out of bed. God, he is stunning. I watch as he grabs a pair of basketball shorts and pulls them on quickly, walking over to me. He pulls me into his arms and kisses me.

"Why do you always want to sneak out? Why can't we spend the day together?" he says softly.

"I'm not trying to _**sneak**_ out." I say indignant, "I just need some time to think."

He frowns, "What do you need to think about?" then he steps back looking at me and starts running his hand through his hair. "Are you regretting us?" he looks worried and I don't know, hurt?

"What? No, I just, I don't know Edward. This weekend was amazing. You were amazing but I just need to..." I struggle now. How do I say that I can't get attached to him, that I know he shouldn't be with me, that I know he is only with me because his girlfriend died and that I need to keep this about sex and nothing else so I don't get hurt. I feel so flustered, finally I just sigh and state, "I just need to do some things today before I go in. I wasn't planning on staying as long as I have."

He is staring at me now. He looks contemplative with his furrowed brow and serious expression. He then looks down for a few moments and when he looks up at me he smiles and kisses me lightly on the lips. Why is he being so understanding of this situation? He should be at least annoyed or something. This would be easier if he was angry. Hell, I can handle anger. I know how to deal with it but this, this caring and understanding shit freaks me out.

"When can I see you again?" he whispers against my lips.

Oh God! I hate this part; I hate this look he has on his face right now, like I crushed his world or something. This is why I don't have relationships. I knew I would suck at them. Then my dream comes back to me and I steady my resolve. I need to keep this about sex. I need to keep feelings out of it. It's the only way I can have him. Doesn't he realize that?

"I will call you later, okay?"

He flinches slightly and then leans in to me kissing me passionately, running his hands down my arms and wrapping them around my waist, pulling me closer to him. He feels so good and I can feel my resolve waning. Oh God! I need to go or I'll never be able to leave.

I pull away from him and smile. "Get some work done, I'll call you later."

With that I turn and walk out the door and out of his house. I am breathing hard and it feels similar to the first time I left him, when my body wanted to stay but my brain knew better. I walk quickly towards the Starbucks to get a coffee and muffin. As I wait for my order I sit with my head down, trying to wrap my head around the events of this past weekend. If his sister hadn't mentioned Kate would I have escaped so soon? Would I have stayed with him? I hear them call my order and pick it up. I take my first sip, savoring the bitter taste of the coffee as it goes down my throat. That's what I love about my Caramel Macchiato's they start out bitter and strong and end sweet and creamy. I sigh to myself as I let the coffee work within me, letting the espresso jump start my brain. I need to focus here. I really don't know how I feel about us, is there even an us? I would like to believe so but then that is the problem. What the hell am I supposed to do? Fuck! This is just too much. I finish my coffee and muffin and order another as I call a cab to take me to my apartment.

* * *

><p>The rest of Sunday was somewhat of a blur. I kept trying to put some words to my feelings for Edward and came up with nothing. It's Monday today and I have my appointment with Dr. Masen but I am nervous when I walk into her office. Last time I was here I was pissed and walked out. Well technically our session was almost done but fuck, so much has happened that I hope she will bypass discussing me storming out of here and let me talk about the shit happening with Edward. I only have three sessions left so I need to figure this shit out before I have no one to talk to again. She smiles at me like she usually does. She doesn't look upset. Maybe she forgot about last week. I sit down and don't say anything right away. How do I begin this?<p>

"I'm sorry I was a bitch last week." There, that about sums it up.

"Oh, I don't think you were a bitch but thanks for the apology. So how did the rest of your day and week go?" she says.

"Well, I went to see him at school after I left here and that was good. I ended up giving him head in the library." I say this nonchalantly as if it isn't a big deal.

"So your response to feeling upset after leaving here was to have sexual contact with him?" she asks in that knowing way of hers.

I stare at her. How do I respond to that? Well, Duh I am a sex addict seems to be a bit of a bitchy response. When I don't respond right away she continues.

"I suppose a second report from campus security so close to the last report didn't cross your mind?" after I sigh and look down to the ground she continues, "Ms. Swan, using sex to deal with uncomfortable feelings doesn't seem like a good solution for you. Oh I know it feels good at the time but don't you think that it has caused you more problems than it has solved?"

She looks at me waiting for a response. Shit! This isn't where I wanted to go today. After a few moments she continues, "It also seemed that when we talked last you wanted more than a sexual fling with E. Has that changed?"

I sigh and look up at her. "No, but I am not sure I can have more with E. I think he is just using this thing between us as a way to get over his last girlfriend." I get up and walk over to the window once again looking outside just like last week.

"What makes you think that?" she asks.

I don't say anything right away. She lets the silence linger in the air before I finally respond, "His sister said his girlfriend had died and that they had been together for a long time. I don't know. It seems like he is the type of person that would have tried to work it out with her." I don't say anything else because I know that's the case. He is very kind and sensitive. There is no way he would not have tried to work it out. I can feel tears starting to form as I realize that I never really had a chance here.

"What has he said about it?" she says, breaking me from my inner turmoil.

I turn to look at her confused, "What do you mean?"

"When you asked him about it, what did he say?" I know she notices my expression but doesn't say anything.

"I didn't ask him about it. Why would I do that? So he can confirm that it's just about sex, that he has no interest in me other than that, that I am an idiot for thinking maybe he cares about me. Uh, yeah, no thanks." I say as the anger starts to rise. I know with each statement my voice is getting louder.

"I just think that maybe you should mention it to him versus making a decision about your relationship without allowing him to be a part of the decision." She says in that soft voice of hers. She always does that. Whenever I get angry she tones her voice down.

I just turn back around and look out the window again. Why would I ask him about that? Just to make myself feel like shit? Hell, I can do that all on my own. I don't need confirmation of that. I don't know how long I stand there silently looking at the random people walking by but she eventually breaks the silence.

"So tell me about the rest of your week. You say you met his sister? Well, that is sort of a big step don't you think?" she asks casually.

I know she thought she was changing the subject but in reality she was just opening the door. Finally I just sigh and tell her all about the date, the waterfront, me forcing him to have sex on the pier and then the nightclub, hanging with his friend's and meeting his sister, the limo sex, me tying him up, having a nightmare while I was with him and ending with my rapid departure Sunday morning. I am not looking at her so I am not sure of the expression that is on her face but I imagine it is one of disappointment that I can't seem to get my shit together.

"I see. Well it sounds like a lot has happened since we last saw each other. I guess for starters it doesn't sound like he is using you to get over anyone. In fact, it sounds like he is very infatuated with you." She sounds like she is happy or something.

I turn to look at her after she says this. "You said for starters."

She smiles and continues, "Well, it sounds like on the pier once again you used sex to channel your nervousness and confusion about being treated as someone special. From what you have said in the past, you don't go on dates so being on one must have been nerve wracking." I sort of nod as she says this, I mean it was pretty nerve wracking, she smiles and continues, "It also sounds like you lose control of this carefully perceived persona of yours when you are with him, which I would imagine makes you extremely edgy and guarded. I would venture to say you tied him up as a way to gain some sort of control over him just like your mad dash out of there Sunday morning was a way to distance yourself from him, to put him in the category of the other men you have been with, except it doesn't sound like he fits into that category."

She continues moving the pen in her fingers as she waits for me to respond. But I can't respond instead I am just staring at her. What the hell! I know I use sex to feel better but I don't think that is what was going on with Edward. First of all, I just like tying people up, he started that shit with all the S & M talk, and I don't know, the pier was pure sexual desire. I don't think I was nervous. Was I? I mean it was nerve wracking and I had an unusual feeling in the pit of my stomach but does that mean I was nervous? I am still trying to decipher what she has said when she starts speaking again.

"Now tell me what this nightmare was about. Was it about James again?"

I don't respond right away. Hell, I am still trying to absorb all the shit she just said. How the hell does she get all that out of what I told her?

"Ms. Swan, what was your nightmare about?" she asks again.

"Uh, I was at a wedding and E was marrying someone else, I don't know probably his ex-girlfriend. Every person that was in the audience was someone that I had slept with; excuse me, someone that I had fucked. Then Jake looks at me and tells me that I am the kind of girl that you fuck, not the kind that you marry. Then I woke up confused and disoriented. E wanted me to tell him about the dream but I wouldn't and we ended up making love instead."

"That's interesting. Has E spent the night with you at your place?"

What the hell! Man, Masen is all over the place today. What does that have to do with anything? I stare at her and she smiles.

"It seems that you have had opportunities to have him over but you have rejected this and I am wondering what that is about. I know you usually don't invite men to your place but it would seem that you would want E there considering you are dating him. Of course you could continue to have sex with him at his place or various public places but it seems like you both might want more than that."

Holy Shit! Masen is giving it to me today, no holds barred. What the fuck! Maybe she is pissed about last week. I continue to stare at her. I am going to need several days to decipher all this shit. She smiles at my stunned expression. Yeah, you like that you can throw me off guard don't you? Bitch! Finally she starts speaking again because apparently I forgot that I spent 8 years in school.

"I think that dream is just your way of trying to come to terms with your feelings for him." She pauses for a moment and runs her hand through her hair before finally speaking, "Are you worried that you are falling in love with him and that those feelings won't be reciprocated or worse yet that they will be?" She looks at me and I am sure I have that deer caught in the headlights look on my face. "What would you do if he told you he loved you? If he told you that he had no desire to be with anyone else? If he told you whether his ex-girlfriend was alive or not he would still be with you? Would you accept his love or would you run away from it?"

She just stares at me now, waiting for me to respond, except I can't. Fuck! What would I do? He is definitely too good for me. He is sweet and kind and should be with someone who isn't so fucked up, someone who knows how to receive and give love. This whole situation is screwed!

"I don't know." I finally respond in defeat and turn back around to face the nameless people walking below me. I can't look at Masen anymore. My fucking head hurts! I press my head against the glass and tap it lightly trying to gain my bearings. I can feel tears coming down my cheeks but I do nothing about it. How does she do this to me every damn time?

"Well, maybe that's something you need to think about." She responds softly.

She sighs and walks over to me, resting her hand on my shoulder, it feels like something a mom would do but I can't be certain of that since Renee was never very comforting. She hands me the box of Kleenex and I grab a few out of the box.

"Maybe you could start with just inviting him over to your place, have dinner and talk. Perhaps you could ask him about what his sister said. I think you owe yourselves at least that. Is that something you think you can do?"

I hesitate before responding. "Yeah, I suppose I could do that."

"Good, that is a start."

* * *

><p>I sit in my car for awhile, thinking about all the shit Masen just said to me and contemplating what I wanted to do about it. I know that I want to invite Edward over but beyond that I am uncertain. So I decide to text him because if I hear his voice I will not be able to think clearly.<p>

*****Are you free any time this week? B*****

I figure that is any easy start. I sort of left abruptly on Sunday and didn't call him that night. In my defense I was busy but it was more than that. I mostly needed some distance. That is one thing Masen got right. Being with him throws me off balance and I have trouble thinking straight.

*****What did you have in mind? E*****

I sigh for a moment and figure I will just do what Masen said, invite him over for dinner. That is a simple and normal request.

*****I was thinking about making dinner for you at my place sometime this week. B*****

*****That would be excellent. What day? E*****

Hmm, that was a pretty quick reply. Wait a minute isn't he supposed to be in class. I smile knowing he is texting me while he is supposed to be paying attention to some boring English professor. I shake my head at the thought and send him a quick text back.

*****I am off Wednesday and Thursday so I was thinking Wednesday night. Will that work for you? B*****

*****I will make it work. E*****

I smile at his response. God, I really do miss him. I shouldn't have left like I did. That was just stupid and childish. I look at the clock on the dash and then send him a reply.

*****Ok, I will text you directions later. I have to get ready for work. Have a good day. B*****

*****You too. I miss you. E*****

I miss you. Such simple words but somehow I know they mean more when coming from Edward. I need to make this right with him.

*****I miss you too. B*****

Well, that seemed easy enough. Now I just have to plan this. Aside from Jake, no man has ever been to my house and even when Jake had come over he never spent the night and I certainly didn't cook him anything. In fact, I was usually in a hurry to get him the hell out. But I don't know, Edward is different and I am sure I made him feel bad on Sunday so I definitely need to make it up to him. I take off to my house so I can jump in the shower and get ready for work.

* * *

><p>"Hey Swan, wait up." Rosalie hollers as I head to the elevators.<p>

I stop to wait for her. I wonder how it went with Emmett on Saturday night. They were making out by the time Edward and I left. I smile. Yeah, I knew she would like him. He is just her type. When she gets in she has a serious look on her face.

"So what's the deal with the quick escape on Sunday?" she asks as she arches an eyebrow at me.

What the hell! How did she know about that? "What are you talking about?"

"Swan, Please." She pauses for a moment, "I thought you and Edward were a thing?"

"A thing?" I ask and arch my own bitch brow at her.

"You know what I mean. Anyway," she says and rolls her eyes before continuing, "He was pretty hurt that you just vanished Sunday. He just stayed in his room all day. He didn't even let Alice in. So what was so important?"

I stare at her. Well of course she was there. Of course she spent the night with Emmett and Alice was probably there with Jasper. God, what a nightmare! Now they all probably think I am a bitch. Not that I usually care but for some reason I do.

"Hey, I didn't call you out or anything. I said I thought you had a shift that you got called to. I would have just liked a heads up. You know I will lie for you in a heartbeat but you got to give me some warning. I mean you weren't sending me the vibe that you wanted out of this thing with him. So I was a bit confused. Are you?"

"Am I what?" I ask confused. What the hell is she talking about?

She rolls her eyes, "Are you trying to get out of this relationship thing with Edward?"

I sigh and look towards the ground. "No. I don't know. I just got spooked. It was all too much. The date, the club, what Alice said, and then I had a shitty dream. I just needed to get out, to think about shit. He really didn't leave his room?" Great! Now I really feel like shit.

"Not that I saw. But I left about 3:00 p.m. so he could have come out later. But he did tell Alice to leave him alone. Which is apparently something he doesn't do? You know me; I don't get involved in family squabbles. You should call him or something or at least give him head" she smiles when she says this last part.

I smile at that. She and I definitely think alike. "I invited him to my place Wednesday night. I am going to cook him dinner and I am sure at minimum he will get head" and on the last part I wink at her.

She laughs then looks at me serious. "You are having him come to your place? WOW, that's big Swan."

"Yeah, I know. I am nervous about it." I am looking at the ground of the elevator and it finally dings at my floor. "I'll catch you later. You need to give me the deets on Emmett."

I hear her laugh as the elevator door closes. Hmm, I definitely hurt his feelings Sunday. God! I wish I knew how to do this shit right.

* * *

><p>I do know how to cook but don't do it often. What's the point of cooking for one person? I wanted to make him something nice though. I know he likes seafood and he has gotten pasta a few times so I figured I would make an Italian themed meal. After careful deliberation I settled on making Shrimp Tuscany with zucchini, mushrooms, red bell peppers and onions over angel hair pasta, along with an Italian style salad, fresh bread and tiramisu for dessert. Okay, the tiramisu was a little harder than I had anticipated and it took a couple of tries before I got it right but in the end it looked wonderful. When I hear the knock on the door my heart skips. I check the dress I am wearing to make sure I look presentable and then walk slowly to the door.<p>

I take a deep breath and open the door. When I do I am once again stunned. He is wearing a pair of black slacks with a light green button down shirt and he has the first two buttons open. My God! He is mesmerizing. That shirt just brings out the green in his eyes and I am transfixed. When I am finally able to move my eyes away from his face and to his hands I notice that he is holding a dozen mixed roses. He looks down slightly and gives me my look, the one that gets to me every time. Then he leans in and kisses me lightly on the lips.

"Can I come in?" he asks softly.

I smile, God, he's been here for a minute and I have already lost common sense. "Of course, come inside."

He hands me the flowers and I bring them to my nose, inhaling their scent. I tell him to make himself comfortable and I go into the kitchen to get a vase. Luckily I have one from when I graduated a while back. As I am moving about the kitchen he leans against the counter watching me. I take the vase and set it on the table but then move it to the kitchen counter. He looks at me confused.

"If they're on the table I won't be able to see you." And, God I seriously need to see you.

He smiles and reaches his hand to me which I take. He pulls me to him, hugging me tightly and runs his hands down the back of my dress. I sigh into his chest inhaling him and feeling at peace with myself. I don't care at this point. I just need him. I look up at him and he is looking down at me. He leans in and gently kisses me, taking my bottom lip into his mouth. We kiss for a few minutes and then I pull away smiling.

"Sit down, let's eat."

He smiles and sits in one of the chairs as I bring out the wine and ask him to open it to let it breathe. I then go back in the kitchen to get the rest of the food. I bring out the salad in a large bowl and then place the bread on the table. I go back in the kitchen and put the entrée together and bring it out, setting a plate in front of him and one in front of where I will be sitting. He looks at the food I have placed on the table and a huge smile crosses his face as he pours us some wine.

"This looks wonderful, Isabella."

"Thank you." I reply and then smirk at him, "Did you think we would be having take out?"

He laughs and then takes a bite of his food, sighing loudly. We laugh and make small talk throughout dinner. It seems to bother him that he missed my birthday. I don't understand why since my birthday isn't that big of a deal. He compliments me several times on the meal and by the time I bring out dessert he is ecstatic. Huh! I guess it is true that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. I always thought it was great head but what the hell do I know.

After dinner we move to the couch. He moves his leg up on my couch and pulls me between his legs so that my back is against his chest. He pulls me close to him and I can feel his erection through his pants which sends shivers of desire through me. He sighs as he kisses me lightly on top of my head and gently runs his hands over my breasts through my dress. He then moves his hands down to the hem of my dress and moves his hands underneath it working his way to my panties. He moves one of his hands inside my panties and starts stroking my clit while he slips two of his fingers from his other hand inside of me. He is moving them in and out of me as I close my eyes and moan softly.

"I've missed you." He whispers against my neck.

"I'm sorry I took off like I did on Sunday. I was a little overwhelmed by everything."

"Why were you overwhelmed?" he asks as he continues to stroke me with his one hand while his other fingers are moving in and out of me. God! Did he just ask me something?

I moan softly, "I just kept thinking about what Alice said and, I don't know, I guess I was over thinking things."

He stops moving his fingers, "What did she say?"

I sigh. Shit! I don't want to do this now. "She just mentioned Kate and that you had been with her for a long time."His whole body stiffens when I mention Kate. Fuck! This is a bad idea.

"What else did she say?" he asks hesitantly.

"Uh, just that she died." My stomach turns as he gasps and starts breathing hard. Finally he takes a deep breath and sighs.

"Can we not talk about this right now? I just want to make love to you and then I will tell you about Kate. Is that okay?" His breathing is starting to regulate and he kisses me lightly near my ear. "Baby, please, I need to hold you" He starts moving his fingers in and out of me again while he strokes my clit. "Isabella, let me make love to you."

I am breathing hard, moving closer and closer to the edge. He feels so good. He pulls his fingers out of me and pulls my panties down. I hear him lower his zipper and feel him shift underneath me. He lifts me up and guides me on top of his erection. Oh God! He starts moving me up and down on him as he moans in my ear.

"You feel so good." He whispers between ragged breaths.

He shifts me slightly so he can move me with one hand and stroke me with the other. I am so close, I can feel myself building and I can tell he is close as well. He continues to move me up and down on him moaning loudly every time I come down on him.

"Baby, Oh God! Come for me." He pleads.

I move my hands over my head and take his hair in my hands pulling on it slightly as I start moving myself up and down on him freeing his hand so that he can move it up to my breast. He starts tugging on my nipple through my dress and that with the combination of his stroking my clit and me moving up and down on him sends me over the edge and I come gloriously around him, screaming his name. He thrusts into me a few more times before he screams my name as he reaches his own climax.

We lay together on the couch as we try to control our breathing. He moves me off of him and sets me between his legs pulling me back so that I am resting against his chest. He gently starts moving his hands up and down my body kissing me lightly on my hair and breathing in deeply. Finally he sighs.

"I dated Kate for a couple of years."

I stiffen, so I guess we are going to do this now. I take a quick breath, getting ready to hear the story. Oh man, I hope I am ready for this. Masen you better be fucking right!

* * *

><p><strong>AN…. Ah, our Bella is something else isn't she? We have to cut her a little slack though. She hasn't ever cared about anyone before and has no guidance except for Dr. Masen. I have actually pulled a Masen on a client before. Confused the hell out of her and then threw out some insight that left her off balance but in the end she was able to really grow from it. Okay, next chapter will be EPOV, thought it was only fair that he tell his story about Kate. As always, tell me what you think. I love to get reviews!**


	15. Ch 14: Nowhere else I want to be

**Rating: M- For lemons (lots of them), language and situations. So this means if you're under 16 please be responsible for yourself.**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer is the sole owner of the world of Twilight. I am just having a little harmless fun with her characters.**

**Content Warning: This chapter includes a discussion on suicide that may be difficult to read for some of you. It is not graphic but I wanted you to be prepared in case you wanted to skip that section. Although I would encourage you to read it as it has bearing on subsequent chapters, you will still be able to follow the story if you don't.**

**Once again thank you to my amazing Beta's A & C for your constant encouragement and support. This was a difficult chapter for me to write and I thank you for allowing me time to process this and for making me laugh. You two are the best! And, A.. Thank you for introducing me to this song. I think this should be Edwards's theme song to Bella. If you haven't heard this already please take a listen.**

* * *

><p>When you lower me down,<br>So deep that I can't get out  
>And when you're lost, lost and alone<br>Yes you'd think it was the last place,  
>You'd come back for more<br>If you don't want me to leave,  
>Then don't push me away<br>You'd rather blow out the lights  
>You can watch it all fade<br>But I'm going nowhere

I'm gonna stay when you just wanna fight  
>When you're closing your eyes<br>Cause you don't wanna love me  
>I'm gonna stay, you can't push me too far<br>There's no space in my heart  
>Where I don't wanna love you<p>

If You Don't Wanna Love Me by James Morrison

**Chapter 14: Nowhere else I want to be**

EPOV

"Where are you going?" I ask still half asleep.

"Uh, home?" she replies.

"Why?" What the hell! I am staring at her now. She is up getting dressed, ready to head out like last night didn't even happen. Like the last couple of nights was nothing?

"It's Sunday." She says and I'm still staring at her like she's crazy. What the hell does Sunday have to do with anything?

She must see that I don't understand so she says something about me doing schoolwork on Sundays. What is she like my mom? I know when I have homework, when it needs to get done. I am in a master's program. This is ridiculous. So I get out of bed to try and stop her. I quickly grab some shorts and throw them on. I walk over to her and pull her into my arms, kissing her.

"Why do you always want to sneak out? Why can't we spend the day together?" I say to her. God! I sound pathetic begging her to stay but shit, I really want to spend the day with her.

"I'm not trying to _**sneak**_ out." She says, sounding irritated, "I just need some time to think."

Fuck! "What do you need to think about?" I ask dreading the answer.

She doesn't answer me right away which makes me nervous. So I step back a bit so I can look at her, she looks confused, Shit! I start running my hand through my hair. Is this where she says it's been fun while it lasted or some shit like that? So finally I just ask, "Are you regretting us?" Please say no!

"What? No, I just, I don't know Edward. This weekend was amazing. You were amazing but I just need to…" She's struggling now. I can see she is trying to find the right words. The right words to tell me goodbye? She finally continues, "I just need to do some things today before I go in. I wasn't planning on staying as long as I have."

I continue to stare at her. Well, I didn't think she had to go in today until later but if I force it, will that make her run? I need to make this okay with her. I am looking down at the ground like it somehow holds the answers to my problems. I know what I need to do but I don't think I am a very good actor. So finally I just look at her and smile, kissing her once again.

"When can I see you again?" I whisper to her.

"I will call you later, okay?"

Great! I got the "I'll call you" line. This can't be happening. Well if this is it I am going to at least kiss her one last time before she goes. So I lean in and kiss her passionately, running my hands down her arms and wrapping them around her waist, pulling her closer to me. We stay like this for a few minutes before she pulls away from me telling me to get some work done and then dashes out of my room and out of the house. How the hell is she getting home? Didn't the limo bring her here?

I plop back down on the bed. Shit! I thought we had a good time. Hell, last night was beyond words and I feel myself harden as I think of what she did to me. I had never been tied up before and if I had known it would feel like that I would have tried that a long time ago.

"_Maybe you should try to go slow with her"_

I hear my dad's words echo in my head. Did I go too far? Was it too much? I don't think so but shit, half the time I don't know what the hell is going on in her head. I lay in bed for another hour or so before venturing into the kitchen to grab something to eat. When I get out there Alice is there. Perfect!

"Good morning Edward" Alice says, happy as usual.

Fuck! She is just too damn chipper for me this morning. I don't say anything but just nod at her and head to the fridge.

"Where's Bella? God! I had so much fun last night. I really like her Edward. We should all do something today." She says all bubbly.

God! She is just non-stop. Finally I just sigh. "She had to leave." And I turn away and walk back into my room, slamming the door behind me. Fuck! I hear a knock on my door.

"Edward, can I come in?"

"Alice, leave me the hell alone. I don't want to talk right now." I holler at her.

Okay, well maybe that was a little harsher than I should have been but I need her to just go away. Man, I am not leaving this damn room until they are ALL gone. I am not going to have them all stare at me like the loser I obviously am.

So I crank up the music and boot up my computer and start playing around with my thesis. Except that I can't concentrate on anything but Bella. I guess I should cancel those reservations for next weekend. Oh God! I really am going overboard.

* * *

><p>I look at my phone again on Monday morning when I get to school. No missed calls, no texts, nothing. I don't know how many times I have turned it on and off just to make sure it is working properly. I sigh as I head to my first class. I remember last Monday and wonder if she will pay me a visit again. I know the answer to that already but I am still hopeful. I don't even remember my first class and midway through my second class I still don't know what the hell they are talking about. When my phone buzzes it surprises me. I look around to make sure no one notices and quickly check it.<p>

*****Are you free any time this week? B*****

Holy Shit! I can't help the smile that creeps across my face. Shit I am free right now. Well, technically I'm not but I would be if she said she could see me now. It's not like I am getting anything out of this lecture. I quickly put my phone on silent and then send her a reply.

*****What did you have in mind? E*****

*****I was thinking about making dinner for you at my place sometime this week. B*****

She wants me to come to her place. What the hell happened today? Has she changed her mind about us? Shit! I don't care. I know this is a big deal so I send her another reply. I don't want her to think I am hesitating.

*****That would be excellent. What day? E*****

*****I am off Wednesday and Thursday so I was thinking Wednesday night. Will that work for you? B*****

Will that work for me, yeah right, like I wouldn't just drop everything for her. She really has no idea how much I need her. How much I already love her.

*****I will make it work. E*****

*****Ok, I will text you directions later. I have to get ready for work. Have a good day. B*****

I smile again and take a deep breath. Maybe I was worrying about nothing. God! I have really missed her. It feels like she has been gone for weeks even though I know it has only been a few days.

*****You too. I miss you. E*****

*****I miss you too. B*****

She misses me too and I smile. I will see her again this Wednesday at her place, not mine and I am fucking giddy. Shit! I am turning into a damn girl. I look around at my classmates and none of them are paying any attention to me. Shit, people text in class all the time so I am sure they couldn't care less what I am doing.

* * *

><p>The next couple of days just fly by. I try to avoid Jasper and Emmett as best as I can. I really don't want to talk to them about Bella taking off on Sunday especially since I am not sure why she did. Apparently Rosalie had spent the night on Saturday and said she thought Bella had taken on an earlier shift but I don't know. I guess it doesn't matter. When I come out of my room I am wearing some black slacks and a button down green shirt I had just bought. The saleslady said it brought out the color in my eyes so I thought what the hell. I figure I might as well try to highlight my best feature.<p>

"Dang, E. Where you heading off to?" Emmett says loudly from the kitchen.

I roll my eyes at him. "I am having dinner at Isabella's tonight."

Emmett looks at me, then Jasper, then me again. "Really, so I take it you won't be moping around after tonight."

"Fuck you! I wasn't moping around. I had shit to do." God I hate Emmett sometimes.

"Uh, E. you were moping around but hey I'm glad all is good." He replies.

"So, I hear you apologized to Alice for yelling at her on Sunday." Jaspers says with a scowl on his face.

I sigh, "Yes I did and I am taking her to lunch Friday so we can talk about it."

"Good. You do that shit to her again and I'll kick your ass. I don't care if you're my best friend."

I stare at him for a minute then smile. Yeah, he would definitely TRY to kick my ass. But shit, aren't I entitled to have a shitty day once in awhile? I smile at him and head out the door. I guess I shouldn't be mad at him. He is only looking out for my sister.

* * *

><p>I stop at the florist on the way to Isabella's house because I want to bring her some flowers. It takes me awhile to decide what to get. I don't want to get just red roses because that signifies love and I don't want to scare her off. I know the different colors are supposed to mean something but fuck if I know. So finally the girl at the counter suggests getting a mixed bouquet of roses that way I am not sending any particular message. When I get to her door I stare at it for a minute before finally knocking. She doesn't answer right away and for a brief moment I wonder if I got the wrong address.<p>

When she opens the door I smile widely. She is beautiful. She is wearing a pretty light blue dress that comes just above her knees. God she has awesome legs. She is watching me and then notices the flowers in my hand. God I need to kiss her so bad. I lean in and kiss her lightly on the lips and let out a light breath before I speak.

"Can I come in?" I ask.

She smiles and giggles. "Of course, come inside."

I hand her the flowers and she brings them to her nose, smiling as she smells them. She tells me to make myself comfortable as she goes into the kitchen and gets a vase. I lean against the counter to watch her. I am literally transfixed by her, the way her hair moves around her face, the way her dress flows around those long lean legs of hers. She takes the vase and sets it on the table and then stares at it for a moment before moving it to the kitchen counter. Why did she do that?

"If they're on the table I won't be able to see you." She says almost shyly.

I smile at her and reach out my hand. I need to feel her close to me. She takes my hand and I pull her to me, hugging her closely against my chest, just breathing her in and running my hands down the back of the soft material of her dress. She sighs and looks up at me and I have to kiss her again. I close my eyes and bring her mouth to mine, gently kissing her and taking her bottom lip into my mouth. We stay there kissing for a few moments more before she pulls away from me smiling.

"Sit down, let's eat."

I smile and take a seat at the table she has set. It is very pretty. She has laid out candles and cloth napkins. It almost looks like a restaurant. First she brings out a bottle of wine and asks me to open it so that it can breathe and then she starts bringing out food. First she brings out this salad with bell peppers, red onions, black olives and croutons. Then she sets a loaf of fresh bread on the table with butter next to it. God! That smells good. I touch it and it's warm like it just came out of the oven. She is in the kitchen for a few minutes before she brings out this shrimp dish with vegetables in it over angel hair pasta. Hmm, it smells like Shrimp Tuscany. I can't help but smile. This looks good. Dang! My girl can cook. As she sits down I pour us both a glass of wine.

"This looks wonderful, Isabella."

"Thank you." she replies and then smirks at me, "Did you think we would be having take out?"

I laugh and then take a bite of my food, sighing loudly. Oh, man this is good. I wonder where she learned to cook like this.

"Isabella, everything is perfect. Where did you learn to cook?"

She smiles. "One of my mom's husbands was a cook so on my birthday he bought me this great Italian cookbook that was real easy to follow so that's how I started. Paul was before James so I must have been about 10." She frowns at the mention of this James person. Hmm, wonder what the story is there. Wait did she say birthday. Shit! When is her birthday?

"Birthday, huh? So did I miss your birthday this year?" I ask with a smile.

She laughs, "Yeah, sorry. It was last week."

Last Week! What? "Last week?" I say momentarily stunned.

She frowns slightly, "It was last Monday, the 13th. I don't celebrate it. Aside from the year Paul was around, ALL of my birthdays have sucked. Well, actually last Monday wasn't completely horrible. We did get to play around in the library." She winks at me and smiles.

"I'm sorry we didn't celebrate it." I raise my glass to her, "Happy Belated Birthday Isabella."

Then I smile and we clink glasses. The rest of dinner we make small talk and laugh a lot about some of her mom's antics. Apparently she is very flighty and can't seem to settle on anything. Then we switch to the hospital and she tells me all sorts of stories about the things that go on late at night. Well, I do know a little about that since I have spent the night there. By the time she brings out dessert I about die. Tiramisu is one of my favorite dishes. I can't believe she made it. This night really can't get much better.

After dinner we move to the couch. Man, I just need to feel her close to me so I move my leg up on the couch and pull her between my legs so that her back is against my chest. I sigh at the feel of her next to me and kiss her lightly on top of her head. I slowly start moving my hands over her gently running them over her breasts. God she feels good. I then move my hands down to the hem of her dress and run my hands up her thighs working my way to her panties. I move one hand inside her panties and start stroking her clit while I slip two fingers inside of her with my other hand. She moans lightly as I do this and opens her legs for me.

"I've missed you." I whisper against her neck.

"I'm sorry I took off like I did on Sunday. I was a little overwhelmed by everything."

"Why were you overwhelmed?" I ask as I continue to stroke her clit and move my fingers inside of her.

She moans again and her breathing starts to become erratic, "I just kept thinking about what Alice said and, I don't know, I guess I was over thinking things."

Shit! I stop moving my fingers temporarily, "What did she say?"

She hesitates for a moment before responding, "She just mentioned Kate and that you had been with her for a long time." My whole body stiffens when she mentions Kate. Why the hell would Alice talk to her about Kate?

"What else did she say?" I ask hesitantly. Shit! What else did she tell her?

"Uh, just that she died." I gasp and start breathing hard. I try to settle myself down and when I do I just sigh.

"Can we not talk about this right now? I just want to make love to you and then I will tell you about Kate. Is that okay?" I am breathing better now and all I know is that I need to be inside of her. I start kissing her lightly near her ear. "Baby, please, I need to hold you." I start moving my fingers again. "Isabella, let me make love to you."

I pull my fingers out of her and quickly pull her panties off. I unzip my pants, pulling my cock out and lift her up, guiding her on top of me. I start moving her up and down on me and just keep moaning in her ear, telling her that she feels good.

I need a different position, I need to get deeper. I shift her slightly so I can move her with just one of my hands and can use the other to stroke her clit. I can tell she is close, so am I. Our breathing is ragged and we are both moaning loudly.

"Baby, Oh God! Come for me." I plead; It's like I can't bring myself to come until she does.

She reaches her hands over my head and takes my hair in her hands pulling on it slightly as she starts moving herself up and down freeing my other hand. I take my now free hand and move it to her breast. I start tugging on her nipple through her dress and it doesn't take long for her to come around me screaming out my name. Oh God! I thrust into her a few more times before I scream her name as I release inside of her.

We lay together on the couch for awhile as we try to control our breathing. I pull her off of me and rest her comfortably against my chest. I gently move my hands up and down her body and kiss her lightly on her hair, breathing in deeply and sigh.

"I dated Kate for a couple of years." I start to say.

She stiffens slightly and then takes a deep breath. "It's okay, I won't get upset. I want to know."

"We met at the U. She was majoring in English as well so we ended up in a few classes together while I was an undergraduate. She was real sweet and got along well with everyone. So one day I just asked her out and she said yes. It started out slow. I was her…" Shit!

She turns her head slightly to look at me, "You were her, what? First?" she states in a matter of fact way.

I look at her and nod and she turns her head again, resting it on my chest. "We dated for almost a year before she would go that far and even then I am not sure she really wanted to. I think she felt she had to." Fuck, I know that's what she felt.

"Did you force her?" she asks hesitantly.

I can't see her face and that bothers me. I take my hand and turn her face to me. "No Isabella. I didn't force her. I would never force someone to have sex with me."

She lets out a deep breath. "I didn't think so but I had to ask. Sorry. Go on." She rests her head back on my chest, gently running her hands up and down my arms.

"It's just she told a few of her friends that she thought she was losing me and figured she should just do it." I stop again. God, I can't believe I am having this conversation with Bella.

"Was she losing you?" she asks softly.

"I don't know. I never really felt connected to her. This is probably going to sound bad but I liked her, she was my friend. We had a lot in common and I did love her. I just wasn't in love with her. I was thinking about ending it and then she asked me to make love to her. She was crying and I don't know. It just happened. Next thing I knew another year had gone by and she was talking to people about how we were going to get married and have kids. She was mapping out our whole lives and I wasn't even sure I wanted to be with her."

I start running my hands over her stomach and sigh into her hair. I kiss the top of her head.

"So she had you all married, two kids, white picket fence and you didn't want that? You seem like the kind of guy who does?" she states.

I sigh again, "I _**am**_ the kind of guy who wants that, I just didn't want that with her. It finally got to the point where she had called my mom to see what date worked best for my family. So my mom calls me and wants to know what the hell is going on. Why was Kate calling her trying to set up a wedding date, wanting to know if she was pregnant or something? Shit! My mom started lecturing me about safe sex and how she had taught me better than that all before I even had a chance to tell her Kate was delusional. It was a nightmare."

"God! How awful. Geez and I thought Jake was delusional."

I laugh at that, "Well, the verdict is still out on him because I am not convinced he _**isn't **_delusional."

"Yeah, that is true. Sorry, go on. So your mom was yelling at you for knocking Kate up?"

I shake my head smiling. "Yeah, she was upset but after I told her what was going on she told me that I needed to end it, that it would only get worse but that I should be gentle with her because she was not in a good place emotionally. So, I went to see her and basically told her we couldn't be together, that we wanted different things and that she would find someone who would love her the way she deserved to be loved. You know, trying to be gentle. Needless to say things did not go smoothly, she was crying, telling me sorry about what happened with my mom and begging me not to leave her. Finally, after an hour I just told her bye and walked out. I thought maybe I was, I don't know, making it worse by being there."

I stop there and take a couple of deep breaths, readying myself for the next piece. At this point Isabella turns around wrapping her legs around my waist. She gently runs her fingers down my face and kisses me lightly on my lips before speaking.

"What happened, Edward?"

"So I leave and I get a call about an hour later from her roommates telling me that Kate took a bunch of pills and they didn't know what to do. So I rush back over there and see that the ambulance has already arrived. I run inside and her roommates are screaming and I know this can't be good. So I push past the paramedics and see her lying on the bed. I wish I had never done that because that image will be forever imbedded in my brain." I take a deep breath and exhale slowly before continuing, "She was really still and she was holding a picture of us in one of her hands and the other hand was hanging off the side of the bed. There was blood pooling on the floor beneath it. Apparently she had also cut her wrist."

I close my eyes. I can still see her lifeless body on the bed and I know that I caused that. If I had done things differently, if I hadn't walked out, if I had just stayed with her a little longer then I could have gotten her some help. My mom had told me to be gentle but clearly I wasn't. I start taking very shallow breaths and can feel tears falling down my cheeks. Then I feel Isabella run her fingers along my jaw and then feel her kiss my cheeks, kissing away my tears. She then holds my face in her hands and kisses me on the mouth and I feel my breathing start to regulate again.

"The paramedics pronounced her dead at the scene. I overheard them say that this girl was serious about ending her life because usually they don't take pills AND cut their wrists. Her roommates found a note addressed to me basically saying that she loved me and couldn't bear to live her life without me. She had said she would rather be dead than to live one day apart."

I just look down, away from Isabella. I can't look at her. She takes her hand and moves my face so that I am forced to look into her deep brown eyes.

"I hope you know that her doing that wasn't your fault."

"I don't know Isabella. I could have done things differently, maybe that would have changed the outcome."

She shakes her head at me and sighs, "Edward, when someone wants to kill themselves there is only so much you can do to prevent it. What was your plan? To marry her, have kids and be miserable just so she wouldn't hurt herself?"

I stare at her with a confused look on my face. I suppose I didn't really have a plan. She closes her eyes and cocks her head to both sides contemplating; finally she sighs and starts talking again.

"I'm sorry Edward. I don't mean to be harsh but people who kill themselves are weak. There isn't anything you could have done to change the outcome." She sighs again and lets out a deep breath. "I mean my step dad beat the shit out of me on a regular basis, he almost killed me once and I never tried to kill myself and if anyone had a right to, it would be me. Suicide is a selfish act and I refuse to let you sit here and feel responsible for someone else's mistake. You were a hell of a lot gentler than I would have been and, I repeat, there isn't anything you could have done to prevent it. If it wasn't then, it would have been another time. She doesn't sound like she was very stable."

Holy Shit! Did she just say her step dad tried to kill her? We just sit there staring at each other for what seems like forever but I am sure it is just minutes. She finally just leans in to me and kisses me hard, running her hands down my chest, ripping my shirt open and pushing it off of me. She continues kissing me as I untie the sash around her waist so I can slip my hands up the back of her dress feeling up her back while she is pushing her hand inside my pants, stroking my cock. We break our kiss and quickly take our clothes off never leaving each other's eyes. There is something in her eyes right now; it's almost feral or something. I don't know how to describe what I am seeing in them. But it's scary and exhilarating at the same time.

I sit back on the couch and pull her back on top of me as she pushes my cock inside of her. She starts sucking and biting on my neck coming down hard on me, moving fiercely. I am groaning loudly, calling out her name. I grab her hair, pulling her head back and moving my mouth to her neck. I start sucking and biting her towards the bottom of her neck near her shoulder. I know that is a turn on for her. Now she is moaning, telling me not to stop. She then grabs my hair fisting her hands in it as she pulls my head up so she can kiss me again all the while moving quickly up and down on me.

"Fuck Edward! I need it harder." She is breathing hard and looking at me with ferocity in her eyes.

I grab her and push her onto the coffee table, grabbing her legs and pulling them to rest against my shoulders as I thrust into her hard. She screams out and I continue to fuck her hard, moving in and out of her quickly, not being gentle at all. Fuck! She's probably going to have bruises by the time I am done but I can't bring myself to slow down. When I feel her clench around me I push into her again coming hard within her. I lay over her while I catch my breath and then pull her into my arms, holding her close as I move back to the couch. She continues to catch her breath as she rests her head against my chest.

"Spend the night with me Edward." She whispers as she gently kisses my chest.

I close my eyes and kiss the top of her head, stroking her hair. "Of course, I want to be with you always." She gasps and we look at each other as I bring her face to mine and kiss her softly. "There isn't anywhere else I would rather be."

Whatever happens from here we will go forward together. I can't be without her. I need her more than I need anything or anyone. I love her.

* * *

><p><strong>AN…. Suicide is a serious issue that affects millions of lives daily. I tried to reflect some of the thoughts and feelings that people have about the topic. I don't hold Bella's beliefs but there are a lot of people that feel as she does which is neither right or wrong, it just is. The family and friends of those who have committed suicide almost always experience guilt as a result, often feeling overwhelmed with thoughts that they could have done something different, or that they were somehow responsible for what happened. This of course is NOT the case at all. As a therapist I would urge you to seek help for anyone you suspect is thinking about suicide. Even a false alarm can save someone's life…**

**Okay, that's it for my public service announcement. Now, a lot of info is dispelled in this chapter. Hope you all picked up on a few things. This is not going to be all perfect for Bella and Edward because our Bella is far from perfect and is going to make mistakes along the way. And, come on now, Bella is a sex addict; there is no way she would respond to what Edward said and her slight reveal with anything less than sex. **

**Now, as a therapist I have to make sure I leave you in a good place so my clinical recommendation is to go to my blog, watch the Breaking Dawn trailer (sorry, the Bel Ami trailer is now blocked ... damn it!) while eating a bowl of your favorite ice cream and/or chocolate until you feel all warm and fuzzy inside...LOL... Hey, what can I say, there isn't anything Ice Cream can't fix...As always let me know what ya think.**


	16. Ch 15: Just can't get enough

**Rating: M- For lemons (lots of them), language and situations. So this means if you're under 16 please be responsible for yourself.**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer is the sole owner of the world of Twilight. I am just having a little harmless fun with her characters.**

**Once again thank you to my amazing Beta's A & C for your constant encouragement and support of this story and these two crazy kids. I know I posted a chapter yesterday but I am a little ahead in this story so I have decided to post another chapter today and maybe another on Monday. I want to get everyone caught up to where I am. Sometimes these two are just begging to get out of my head and well Bella can be VERY forceful...LOL... As always check out the blog for pictures from this chapter, the updated song AND as of this moment the Bel Ami traier is up and running (thanks to my girls at Robsessed who had another trailer. You girls ROCK!) so if you haven't seen it yet, check it out before the studio pulls it again.**

**Alright everyone, I know last chapter was a bit difficult. Trust me it was difficult for me as well but thanks for hanging in there. Thought it was time to get to know Bella a little bit more. This chapter is the longest chapter I have written (well, so far...LOL) but Bella just seemed to have a lot to say. Hope you like it.**

**Spoiler Alert: Well, apparently one of my betas never saw The Departed and teased me about giving away the ending. SOOOOOO, if for some crazy reason you have not seen The Departed. I give away the ending so if you don't want to know how it ends I suppose you will need to skip that section…LOL**

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><p>Oh baby I can't come down so please come help me out<br>You got me feelin' high and I can't step off the cloud  
>And I just can't get enough<br>Boy I think about it every night and day

I'm addicted wanna jam inside your love  
>I wouldn't wanna have it any other way<br>I'm addicted and I just can't get enough

I just can't get enough  
>I just can't get enough<br>I just can't get enough  
>I just can't get enough<p>

Addicted, I can't get away from you  
>Afflicted, I need it I'm missin'<br>I want your lovin' right next to me  
>And I can't erase ya out of my memory<br>I just can't

Just Can't Get Enough by The Black Eyed Peas

**Chapter 15: Just Can't Get Enough**

It's 8:00 a.m. and I am awake thinking and gently running my fingers through his hair. We had made love again in the bed before he had fallen asleep, exhausted. I think it had drained him to tell me about Kate. I can't believe that bitch did that to him. What a fucked up thing to do to someone. I wish I could have just taken all his pain away but hell, I can't even figure out how to do that for myself. My ideas usually involve drinking large quantities of Jack Daniels and having sex with complete strangers. I am thinking that would not be a viable solution for Edward. Well, I don't want that to be his solution. I'd have to fuck someone up for it.

He had fallen asleep wrapped up in me completely. I am not sure if it was because he needed to feel me near him or if he was preventing me from "sneaking" out again. Where am I going to sneak off to? This is my place, which of course is a bit strange since I have never had anyone spend the night here with me before. I look at the clock again, 8:20 a.m. Hmm, I should wake him. I know he has school, but a part of me just wants to make love to him all day. I swear I just can't get enough of him. I think about him day and night. And then I remember what Masen asked me on Monday.

"_What would you do if he told you he loved you? If he told you that he had no desire to be with anyone else? If he told you whether his ex-girlfriend was alive or not he would still be with you? Would you accept his love or would you run away from it?"_

Could I let him love me? The issue with the ex-girlfriend, Kate, is no longer relevant, which of course turned out to be another mistake on my part. What is it about him that gets me all twisted about shit? It's like I can't think straight. Is that what love feels like? I sure wish someone could give me an answer to that.

I look at that damn clock again, shit, 8:40 a.m. Fuck! I have been running my hand through his hair for that past 40 minutes and it has been oddly soothing. I really don't want him to leave. He starts to shift in my arms, moving his hand over my left breast circling my nipple with his thumb. He moves slightly so that he can run his tongue around my right nipple and then pull on my ring. I involuntarily moan. Fuck! He knows that gets to me every single time. Well at least I know he is awake.

"What time do your classes start?" I ask as I tug on his hair, smiling when he looks at me.

"10:30 a.m. We have time." He says with a smirk and then brings his mouth down on my breast, circling my nipple again.

"Are you caught up in your classes?" I ask somewhat breathless. God his mouth is amazing.

All I get is an "uh hmm" from him as he starts sucking on my right nipple and twisting my left nipple between his thumb and index finger. He then moves his left hand down over my stomach, over my clit and proceeds to slip three fingers inside me. Oh God!

"I was thinking," I say as he moves between my legs, "if you weren't opposed to missing class today," I say somewhat breathless as he is looking at me, moving his cock to my entrance, "that maybe we could spend the day together." He pushes inside me and then stills as I say this last part. His face gets serious for a minute and then he smiles that magnificent smile of his and I just moan as I pull him to me so that I can kiss him.

He starts moving again while we continue to kiss. I am thrusting my hips to him and running my hands down his back, cupping his ass as I moan into his mouth. He starts moving faster as he moves his mouth away from my lips and starts kissing and sucking on my neck. His one hand moves back to my breast while his other hand starts stroking my clit. He then moves back to my mouth kissing me intensely, sweeping his tongue around and then biting and sucking on my bottom lip.

"Fuck Bella, I want you so much." he says as he looks me in the eyes. "I need to see you come."

Oh God! He knows that shit gets to me. I am close. I thrust up into him and then come down against him, forcing his fingers to hit my clit hard. Oh God! That feels so good, so I do it again and by the third time, I scream his name as I come hard around him. He lets out a loud guttural moan as he thrusts inside me, releasing as well. He pulls out of me quickly as he falls onto the bed next to me, breathing hard.

"So, was that a yes to spending the day with me?" I ask through ragged breaths.

He laughs as he pulls me to him, "Most definitely a yes."

I smile as I wrap my arms around his chest. We lay with one another, gently caressing each other, when his stomach growls. I giggle and smile at him.

"Let me feed you. Do you like omelets?"

He smiles and I get out of bed, throwing on a robe and heading to the bathroom before going to the kitchen. I get the coffee going first and then start getting the ingredients out for an omelet. Hmm, I think I will put some of these left over bell peppers & onions along with cheese and ah, there it is, diced ham. I thought I had some in the freezer.

I feel him before I see him. I don't know what it is. It's like an energy that surrounds him that makes my whole body quiver in response. When I glance around I see him leaning against the counter, like he did last night. Except today he is only in some black boxer briefs. His hair is completely messy, his long lean legs are crossed at the ankles, and his hands are holding onto the counter. Oh, man I want him again. Hmm, I need to show a little restraint here considering we just had sex, besides, he's hungry I try to reason to myself. I better finish cooking.

"You know, you are very distracting leaning there all sexy like." I say with a smirk as I turn back around to continue whisking the eggs.

"Distracting huh?" He says sexily as he moves away from the counter, wrapping his arms around my waist and kissing me lightly on my shoulder.

My hand stops whisking and I moan softly. I swear this man is just too sexy for his own good. My breathing starts to pick up as he works up my neck. I tilt my head slightly and he takes full advantage. Finally, I sigh and nudge him back.

"You will be banned from the kitchen if you keep trying to sway me with your sexual allure." I say with a smile as he steps back giggling.

"Alright, alright. I'll be good." He laughs and then continues, "Do I have time to jump in the shower before breakfast?"

"Hmm, no shower. I want us to shower together after we eat. Unless you would like to shower alone, then by all means, knock yourself out." I say rather sarcastically.

"Uh, no. I'd rather wait for you." He says hoarsely.

"Good, I'd rather you wait for me as well." I say as I look over my shoulder at him.

He is looking at me with hooded eyes and for a brief moment I wonder if he is going to take me right here and now. Not that I would object. I turn back to the food because if we continue looking at each other like this we will be fucking on the counter. Restraint Swan! Restraint!

After the eggs are done I put some buttered toast on the plates and tell him to sit down. I bring our plates to the table and get some grapefruit juice out. Huh! I wonder if he even likes grapefruit juice. Well, one way to find out.

"Isabella this looks and smells divine." He says with a huge smile on his face.

"Why do I get the impression that my being able to cook is quite the turn on for you?"

He laughs heartedly and digs into his omelet sighing as he is chewing. Okay, he really is sexy when he eats. I watch him devour his food and just grin. I start eating and sigh as well. Dang! This is good. I haven't really made breakfast in a while. As I am eating I wonder if I should share some of my life with him. After him disclosing about Kate it sort of feels like I should say something. I know he hasn't asked, but what do I say? I don't want to get into the details and I certainly don't want to talk about some of my latest indiscretions. God! What is it about him that makes me feel ashamed about the way I was and the things I have done?

"What are you thinking about, babe?" His voice brings me out of my thoughts.

"I don't know, just that this is all so new for me. I have never had a man spend the night before. Is there some kind of protocol for this kind of thing?" There, make it light.

He grins, "I don't think so." Then he gives me that look that makes me weak in the knees.

"So I suppose we just wing it, huh?"

"Suppose so." He smiles and then looks at me seriously, "You said before that you haven't been in Seattle long. Where were you before that?"

Hmm, so he wants to do history. Okay, well I suppose that's semi-safe. At least I can make it semi-safe. And since we did sort of skip the whole get to know you piece and just went straight to fucking I suppose it is as good a place as any to start.

"Well, I grew up in Forks, Washington which isn't that far from here. Renee, that's my mom, met my dad, Charlie, in high school. Well, I was the result of graduation night." I smile but he is looking at me seriously, intently listening to every word I say.

"They got married and stayed married until I was four when she decided that she wasn't cut out to be a mother. It's actually how I met Jake." He stops chewing, hmm, maybe not a good idea to mention Jake. Oh well, I have to finish now. "His dad, Billy, and my dad were best friends so we used to play together as children. Well, until I moved away. When I arrived in Seattle he remembered me."

"I bet he did." He looks down, contemplative, and then tries to smile, "So you're mom moved away?"

I stare at him for a moment. He really isn't going to ask me anymore about Jake? Well, that's good, "Uh, yeah. She moved to Port Angeles and married loser number 1, Felix. He didn't want children so I stayed with my dad which was just fine with me. I saw her once in awhile but not very often. She said it was because she didn't want to be around my dad but I think it was more like she didn't want to be around me." I frown at this thought. What the hell kind of mother doesn't want to be around their only child?

He shakes his head slightly and then stops, looking up at me, recognition in his eyes, "You said your dad died when you were eight. Is that when you went back to live with her?"

I sigh slightly before continuing. "Yeah, when dad was shot she came to the funeral and I went to live with her in Port Angeles for a few months and then we moved to Seattle. She had already divorced Felix and I suppose was in the market for Husband Number 3. That's where she met Paul, loser number 2."

"I thought you said you liked Paul?" he queries.

"I did but he was still a loser. I mean, he married Renee. What normal person would do that?"

He shrugs, "Maybe he loved her?"

I chuckle a bit, "Yeah, I suppose he did. Alright, he will be referred to as Husband Number 3 then. He was nice to me though. He cooked for a living and saw I liked it so he taught me a lot. I wish Renee would have kept him around, but being the skank she was, she had to ruin it."

Hmm, this is the part I don't really want to tell him. Fuck! He reaches his hands across the table and grabs mine, placing them in his. I had been fisting the napkin I had and being the observant sexy beast that he is, he noticed. He gently starts stroking my knuckles which oddly enough eases some of my discomfort.

"She met James in some bar she was working at and apparently they had an affair for about a year before he told her to divorce Paul and move with him to Phoenix. Which of course is exactly what she did? So, after two years in Seattle, we moved to Phoenix. Now James was definitely loser number 2. He was a mean asshole that I have tried desperately to forget."

I can feel my heart start to race and my breathing becomes shallow. I know I am on the verge of a panic attack and need to calm my ass down. That's the last thing I need right now. I feel Edward kiss my hands and then hear the chair move as he gets up and pulls me into his arms. He doesn't say anything, he just holds me, running his fingers up and down my back. After about 5 minutes I start to feel better and my breathing starts to regulate.

"We moved to Florida about three years later, which is where she met Husband Number 5, Phil." I say against his chest.

He walks me to the couch. He sits down and pulls me onto his lap so that I can rest my head against his chest. He continues to gently stroke my back and kisses the top of my head, nuzzling into my hair. I let out a soft sigh before continuing.

"Phil is sort of like Paul, in the sense that I can't believe he married Renee, but at the same time he wasn't mean to me at all. In fact, he knew what had happened in Phoenix and was sympathetic. I graduated high school early and went to Florida State for my undergrad and then went to USC for medical school. I did my residency at the USC medical center and then was hired on after that was completed. I was there up until two years ago, when I took the position at Northwest." I sigh for a moment hoping that he doesn't ask any follow up questions I'm not prepared to answer, "So that's the long version of how I ended up in Seattle."

He doesn't say anything at first but then whispers softly, "Thank you, Isabella." And he kisses me lightly on my head. After a few moments he speaks again, "Baby, are you free next weekend?" he asks softly into my hair.

"I am off next Friday and Saturday. Why?" Oh good lord, what is he up to now?

He lets out a deep breath before speaking, "I want to take you out of town next weekend. Is that okay?"

Oh for crying out loud. "Edward, you don't need to keep doing this kind of thing. I am really easy. Wait, that's not what I mean. I mean you don't need to woo me, you already have me." I stumble with my words but I think I got my message across.

"I just want to do nice things for you." He hesitates for a minute before letting out another deep breath. "I know I have a tendency to go overboard. I'm sorry. I can cancel the reservation and we can just hang around here."

I glance at him and he looks defeated. Shit! What's the worst he could have done? "No, it's alright. We can do whatever you have planned."

"Really!" the excitement is evident in his voice.

"Yes." I say

We sit on the couch for awhile, not saying much when I finally sigh and say I need to put things away. As I get up to move things into the kitchen he watches me and then looks around my living room. I don't have much here. I have never really saved anything except for… Shit! He is walking right toward it. I sigh as I stop what I am doing and walk up to him.

"Is this your dad?" he asks as he holds the one picture I have of my father.

"Yes, I was eight there. Billy took that picture." He is gently running his fingers on it, tracing my outline.

"When my father died Renee said she didn't want a lot of my dad's things around and told me I could only bring one picture. I picked that one. I was so happy to see him on that particular day. It was a surprise, he had to work and I was over at Billy's house and I was kind of sad about it. It was taken a few weeks before he died."

"You look very happy." He smiles at me, "You two looked very close. I'm sorry he died when you were so young." He looks back at the picture longingly, "I would have loved to meet him."

I smile, "He would have liked you."

He turns back around and sets the picture down; tapping the game the picture was on. He smiles at me.

"What's with the scrabble game?"

His smile disappears when he sees the seriousness on my face as I run my fingers along the box. "When Renee left us, someone told my dad that he should buy a game and play with me. You know the whole "Family Game Night" thing. My dad didn't know anything about games so he bought this, not realizing I was too young to play." I continue running my fingers along the game box and let out a deep breath, "at first he would let me spell the words any way I wanted to and it would count as long as I could tell him what it meant. As I got older he would let me make up my own words." I giggle at the memory and then get serious again. "He would always say it counted as long as I could define it. When he died that picture and this game were the only things I brought with me. They have moved with me ever since."

"Do you ever play?" he asks watching my expression.

I laugh, "No, it's not like Rose is going to play scrabble with me." We both chuckle at the thought of that.

"We could play if you want to. I like scrabble."

"Yeah, I bet you do. You probably have a whole head full of useless and unusual words at your disposal being that you are majoring in English. I'm not sure if that would be a fair match up." I say smirking at him.

"And, the fact that you are a surgeon would not be the slightest advantageous on your part?" He cocks his eyebrow at me.

"Hmm, yeah, maybe we could play after our shower." Then I smile and run my fingers down his chest, stopping at the elastic of his boxers, "speaking of showers."

He leans in and kisses me, all talk of scrabble, my dad and my crazy life behind me. I am going to get lost in him and forget about everything else going on around me. Forget about the craziness that brought me here to this place in time. Forget about who I was, focusing on just being with this beautiful and caring man.

* * *

><p>Okay, to say I was obsessed with seeing him wet is an understatement. I have seen him wet from sweat, but that is completely different. I mean sexy as hell, but different. I quickly hurry, putting away the food so that we can get down to business. He is already in the bathroom, leaning in to test the water, looking sinfully delicious. He looks back at me and smiles and for a moment I am breathless.<p>

"Do you want to test this to see if it is hot enough?"

I try to gain my composure but still end up sounding breathless. "I am sure it is fine."

He smiles and slips off his boxers stepping into the shower. He turns around and reaches his hand out to me, which I take. He chuckles and then kisses me lightly on the mouth.

"Are you planning on wearing your robe in here?"

FUCK! How lame. Damn Swan, get your shit together. I slip off my robe, dropping it to the ground and step in with him. He leans back into the water to wet his hair, slicking it back. His eyes are closed and the water is cascading down his chest and abs. God! It really should be against the law to look this sexy. I smile and drop to my knees, grabbing his shaft and stroking him lightly as I run my tongue around his head and over his slit, which I know makes him insane. Oh yes Edward, I know ALL your spots. He moans loudly and grabs my hair immediately.

He turns around so his back is against the wall and the water is cascading down my back. I stop sucking on him for a moment so I can lean my head back in the water, wetting it completely. I continue to stroke him as I do this and when our eyes meet again I smirk as I place his cock back in my mouth. As I am looking up at him I watch as his eyes glaze over before closing completely. He is moaning wildly as I continue to move my mouth over his length, sucking on his head and letting my tongue sweep across his tip.

"Oh God! Bella I am going to come."

I suck harder, bringing him all the way to the back of my throat as he grunts, spilling his seed down my throat. He continues to breathe hard as I move up his body, gently kissing up his stomach and chest until I reach his lips. He sweeps his tongue inside my mouth, kissing me before he breathlessly begins to speak.

"That was one of my fantasies." He says softly against my lips.

I try not to laugh, because getting head in the shower I think is EVERY guy's fantasy. I knew it the minute he turned me around so that the water would be running on me. I can understand the turn on factor. The water cascading over him is what inspired me to do it in the first place. I smile at him in response and kiss him lightly. He grabs my shampoo and puts some in his hands before bringing them to my hair.

"Baby, turn around so I can wash your hair."

Okay, Edward washing my hair shouldn't be such a turn on. I wash my hair all the time and it doesn't do anything for me. But something about his long fingers massaging my scalp and lathering up my hair is making my whole body tremble in anticipation. He then takes the pouf and squirts body wash into it, lathering it up before bringing it to my body. Washing me gently and then turning me around so that I would be under the water again. My eyes are closed as he runs his fingers through my hair making sure all the shampoo is out. When I finally open my eyes I am met with his hooded green eyes and I am done.

I push myself to him, kissing him fiercely as he runs his hands all over me. He is already hard as I start stroking him. He turns me around so that my back is against the shower wall while continuing to kiss me. I move my foot up so that it is resting on the side of the tub, allowing him full access. He doesn't hesitate as he pushes inside of me. He is moaning into my mouth as he pulls my leg up around his waist and grabs my other leg as well. We are both wet and slippery from the body wash that is still on me which is making this a lot more difficult than it should be.

"Baby, wait. Set me down."

He reluctantly lets go of my legs and places them on the ground. He is breathing hard as he removes himself from me. I turn around placing my hands against the shower wall lowering myself slightly to allow him better access. I hear him let out a guttural growl as he spreads my legs slightly, pushing inside of me hard. Oh Fuck! We better make this quick because I don't think I will be able to hold this position for a long time and hearing the noises he is making is about to send me over the edge.

"God Bella, you feel so fucking good!" he pants in my ear.

He moves one of his hands to mine keeping it in place while his other hand moves to my hips so he can keep his pace. He is moving quickly in and out of me and the combination of the position I am in and his quick and rough pace is sending me into ecstasy. I feel myself building as I start moaning loudly. He slips his hand from my hip and runs it over my clit and I am done. I scream out in both pain and pleasure as my orgasm overtakes me. He groans and thrusts inside me hard and his whole body stiffens as he releases inside of me. He slips out of me and raises me up gently; pulling my body against his while he runs his hands over my slick skin. We stay that way for awhile until our breathing starts to regulate.

"You okay, baby?" He says softly against my ear.

"Better than okay. That was actually one of my fantasies." I say with a smile. I feel him chuckle as he kisses me up and down my neck.

"I think it's my turn to wash you." I say seductively as I reach behind me to cup his ass.

"Hmm, sounds good." He says as he spins me around and kisses me again.

I smile as I take the body wash and squirt some in the pouf, lathering it up. I start moving it along with my hands over his chest and stomach, moving it around his arms and then kneeling down as I run it up and down his legs. He continues to watch me as I linger around his ass and move around to his balls and cock, which twitches at my touch. I smile. Thank God he has stamina.

"Rinse off baby. I want to do your hair."

He leans into the water getting all the soap off of himself and I just lean against the shower wall, watching his fingers move over his body. Holy Shit! He gives me my look and I swear I just about melt against the wall.

"Kneel down so I can do your hair."

He is so damn tall that there was no other way to do it. Not that the sight of Edward kneeling in front of me didn't just turn the hotness factor up several notches. He closes his eyes as my hands work the shampoo into his hair. Okay, I know his hair is clean, but shit, I can't remove my hands from it, especially since his eyes are closed and he is moaning softly from my touch.

"Turn around baby, let me rinse it out." I whisper.

He turns around, leaning into the water as I run my fingers through his hair. Now I know why he wanted me so bad after he did this to me. Fuck! He is sexy as hell and my mouth is watering at the sight of him. When he is done, he is watching me and the expression on my face and just smirks as he pushes me against the wall again. I smile as he lifts one of my legs and places it on the side of the tub and then places my other leg on his shoulder while he brings his mouth to my clit, sucking on it lightly. He pushes a couple of fingers inside of me, causing me to moan as I move my head back against the wall, arching into him. He then moves his mouth lower replacing his fingers with his tongue. Oh Fuck! He starts rubbing against my clit with his free hand and then looks up at me, breathing against me.

"Bella, I can taste myself in you. That is so fucking HOT!"

Oh shit! He starts sucking on me again, working his tongue within me as his fingers work my clit. It is all too much and I come hard around him. He continues to suck and move his fingers on me while moaning against me, which makes my orgasm go on forever. When my body stops quivering and shaking he removes his mouth from me and I slide down the wall so that I am kneeling in front of him, kissing him. We just hold each other for several minutes trying to get our bearings before he finally speaks.

"Baby, are you ready to get out?"

"Uh hmm" is the only response I can give because my brain is completely fried.

* * *

><p>After our hour and half shower session we were both completely exhausted and laid down together for a few hours. When we got up again it was mid day and we had decided that since we had missed lunch we would just have an early dinner. So I scrounged through my freezer and realized I had all the makings for pizza, so I figure that is a safe bet. He's a guy and he's in college so pizza seems like a given.<p>

He didn't forget about our game of scrabble either. And I must say he was good. Of course he was very distracting sitting there in just his underwear, mulling over what word he was going to make that would give him the most points. It was pretty adorable actually in a very sexy way. Watching as his brows scrunched together, his bottom lip slipping into his mouth as he gently bit down on it, contemplating his next move, was way beyond erotic. I was right as well. Playing scrabble with an English major was an exercise in futility. Even with my vast medical knowledge his understanding of words was beyond reproach.

After eating our pizza, we settled on watching a movie. As he looked through my collection of movies he just snickered at me.

"Baby, are these movies organized by genre?" He says arching his brow.

"Yeah, how else are you going to find something?" I ask puzzled by his question. Doesn't everyone organize their movies by genre?

He just grinned, pulling out a movie. "Is this good? Emmett said it was great but we don't always see eye to eye."

"It's actually one of my favorite movies. You haven't seen it before?" Huh! That surprises me.

"No, let's watch it."

Well, you won't get any argument from me. The Departed is awesome. I mean not just because Marky Mark is in it, yeah I have a thing for him, don't judge me! But Leo was fantastic as well. In fact, it was the movie that made me see him as an actual actor and not some teen pretty boy. I can't believe Edward hasn't seen it. I thought ALL guys had seen this flick. He starts to put it in the DVD player in the living room but I stop him.

"Let's watch it in the bedroom. I have to be at the hospital at 6 a.m. so I would rather be comfortable."

He smiles and takes my hand as we walk to the bedroom and he puts it in. We both get under the covers and he pulls me to him as we start watching it. He makes comments along the way asking questions here and there. When Leo gets shot he jumps, startled.

"What the fuck!" I look up at him and the confused expression on his face, "He dies?"

"Yeah, he does. Keep watching!"

By the time Mark shoots Matt, he just laughs. "Serves him right. He was so shady."

When the credits are rolling I ask, "Well, what's the verdict?"

"I liked it. I felt bad for DiCaprio's character though. Who is your favorite character?"

"Leo. He's so tragic. Lost between a past that continues to haunt him, torn by who he is now and who he wants to be. And feeling like no one is there for him." Hmm, that sounds a little too familiar.

"That woman, his former therapist, is there for him, she loves him." He says softly.

"Yeah, but he doesn't feel worthy of it, he thinks if he tells her who he is, what he's done, that she will turn her back on him because he isn't good. He definitely doesn't feel she should be wasting her time on him." I know this sentiment exactly. Are we even talking about the movie anymore?

"But, she loves him and wants to help him. She wants him to confide in her. She can't help him if he doesn't tell her what's wrong." His voice has an edge to it now.

"He doesn't trust it. He's never had anyone that truly gave a shit about him. He's afraid."

I sigh against him because now I know we are no longer talking about the movie. We are talking about us and my head starts spinning at the implications. I know what he wants but I just can't give it to him. I can't go there. I have already told him more than I have told anyone else, except for maybe Dr. Masen, but that doesn't count since I pay her to listen to my shit. I feel his lips against my hair.

"I suppose if he hadn't been killed maybe he would have told her and just saw where the chips fell." I say bringing it back to the movie.

"I suppose." He says softly.

I look up at him and he is looking at me with unease. I am not sure what I am seeing in his eyes, but it scares me. Finally I just say, "Baby, I am really tired, do you mind if we just go to sleep?"

He leans down and kisses me lightly on the lips. "Not at all."

I lay down with my back to him. I can't look at him right now. Those eyes of his see right through me, deep into my soul, a place he shouldn't be. He doesn't say anything when I turn around. He just wraps his arms around me and throws one of his legs over mine. I close my eyes trying to fight back the tears that are threatening me. I know I will need to tell him about my past pretty soon. Definitely before we go on this trip he has planned. Call me selfish but I'm just not ready to lose him. I let out a soft breath and will myself to a peaceful sleep.

"Good night, Isabella." He whispers to me.

* * *

><p><strong>AN… okay, well all the Cosmopolis pics a few weeks ago inspired the shower scene. Let's just say I let my imagination go a little wild (big surprise huh?)…LOL… Now, although this chapter ended hard for Bella she really did share a lot with Edward and that takes a lot out of someone when they aren't used to opening themselves up. We got to see a little glimpse of where she came from which was cool. And for anyone who hasn't see The Departed… rent it, buy it whatever. It is a fascinating movie with lots of intense characters. Of course if you haven't seen it, like I said in my earlier A/N, sorry for the spoilers…LOL**

**Now, hmm, we have Dr. Masen next. What do you think her take will be on all this new info?**


	17. Ch 16: I just got lost!

**Rating: M- For lemons (lots of them), language and situations. So this means if you're under 16 please be responsible for yourself.**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer is the sole owner of the world of Twilight. I am just having a little harmless fun with her characters.**

**Once again thank you to my amazing Beta's A & C for your constant encouragement and support of me and this wild ride we are on. As always, don't forget to check the blog for pictures for this chapter and the latest song. BTW, Bel Ami trailer is still working so YEAH! maybe the studio won't pull it, Rob will be so good in that movie *sigh* Okay, well I will be leaving VERY early tomorrow morning for D.C. and am running around today getting last minute stuff together sooooo, I decided to just post this now. I didn't think any of you would mind :-)**

**So hmm, Bella disclosed a lot last chapter as we got to know her a little bit better. Now, let's see what Dr. Masen has to say about all this.**

* * *

><p>Just because I'm losing<br>Doesn't mean I'm lost  
>Doesn't mean I'll stop,<br>Doesn't mean I won't cross  
>Just because I'm hurting,<br>Doesn't mean I'm hurt  
>Doesn't mean I didn't get what I deserved<br>No better and no worse

I just got lost  
>Every river that I've tried to cross<br>And every door I ever tried was locked  
>Oh, and I'm just waiting til the shine wears off.<p>

Lost by Coldplay

**Chapter 16: I just got lost**

"_She's coming around." I hear someone say near me but I don't recognize the voice._

"_Honey, do you know where you are?" Another unrecognized voice says._

_I look around groggily and shake my head. Oh God! That really hurts._

"_What happened? Where am I?" I ask._

"_You're in the hospital, sweetheart. What do you remember?" 1__st__ voice says._

_I strain trying to bring back anything that would tell me why I was here, then I gasp as images flash through my head and at that moment I wish I could forget again._

I wake startled. Fuck! I sigh as I look to "his" side of the bed. Is it too soon to say there is a "his" side? I don't know but I am seriously getting accustomed to waking up with him. Saturday and Sunday sucked not having him with me. I talked with him on the phone but it's not quite the same. We decided that I would swing by the school on Monday after my appointment which is today. He said he had a surprise for me. My God! This man and his surprises, I shake my head and smile. He really is something special though.

I am not going to worry about this dream. They have been getting more regular which is not good. I know that I should talk to Dr. Masen about it but I really just want to talk about everything that has transpired with Edward. I let out a deep breath trying to let the images the dream brought to my mind go back where they belong. I wish it were that easy. I look at the clock and wonder if I should call him. I pick up the phone and am dialing before I realize I have even called. Shit!

"Hello" he says sleepily.

"Did I wake you?" Lame! Of course you woke him. Why the hell did you call him anyways?

"It's alright babe. You okay?"

"Of course, sorry I didn't mean to wake you." I frown at myself and silently mouth the words "stupid, stupid, stupid."

"Did you get called in? Are you cancelling lunch?"

Shit! He sounds disappointed. "No, it's stupid."

"What's stupid? Isabella, what's going on?"

"I just had a bad dream and wanted to hear your voice. I'm sorry. I'll see you later."

"Wait, Wait! Don't hang up? What was it about?" he says rushed.

I sigh, "Just shit that happened when I was younger. I just…" then I stop. This is so stupid. Why call him if I'm not going to talk about anything.

"Do you want me to come over?"

I hesitate before responding, "No, No, It's okay. I'm sorry I called, this was really dumb. I will see you later okay?" Fuck Swan!

"Baby?" I can barely hear him.

"Yeah, I'm here." I whisper.

"I…" then I hear him let out a deep breath on the other end, "I really miss you."

"I miss you too. I better go."

I hang up before I hear his response. Shit that was idiotic. I throw my head back against the pillow and bring the one he used to my nose, inhaling his scent that still lingers on it. FUCK! I sigh and get out of bed. There's no point in trying to sleep now. I'll just shower and get some coffee in me. I should have just told him to come over. Why didn't I? He offered. This is so damn confusing.

* * *

><p>When I walk into Dr. Masen's office she is sitting behind her desk. She looks up as I walk in and smiles at me, getting up to walk to her customary chair. I sit down and tell myself to focus on Edward NOT the recurring dreamsnightmares.

"So, how have things been?" she asks casually.

"Well, I called him after our last session and invited him over for dinner at my place." I say proudly.

She smiles widely, "Really? Well, that's wonderful. I'm proud of you Ms. Swan. So how did dinner go?"

At first I am startled. Hell, no one has really ever said they were proud of me. Renee didn't even make it to my graduation from med school. Phil had an away game that was apparently more important than watching her only child become a doctor.

"Um, it went real well. He seemed generally surprised that I knew how to cook." I chuckle lightly at his response to my meal. "Then I apologized for taking off on him last Sunday telling him I had felt overwhelmed. When he asked why I told him what his sister said."

"Well, good for you." She says smiling again. Geez Masen, don't have to be that happy about it.

"Well, in typical Swan fashion it wasn't anything like I thought it was and I overreacted." I frown slightly.

"Really?" she asks.

"Yeah." I get up and walk to my window. I don't know why I like it here but it feels safer for some reason. I look down watching the foot traffic going on below me before I finally speak again. "It turns out that his previous girlfriend, Kate, committed suicide when he broke up with her and apparently she left him a note saying she couldn't live without him. He had arrived back at her place as the paramedics got there so he saw her dead. He was real upset about it. I kind of got mad at him though for taking responsibility for that shit. She was stupid for doing it. That wasn't his fault. So I don't know. He didn't really want to be with her but I guess felt obligated to stay. I guess he is too kind hearted for his own good." I sort of chuckle on this last remark because that is definitely the case.

I turn to look at her now because normally she would have made some kind of sound by this point, letting me know she is listening, her tapping with her pen or an "uh huh", something. But when I look at her she looks shell shocked as she drops her trusty pen to the ground. What the hell is wrong with her? I am sure she has heard of people killing themselves before. She takes a couple of deep breaths like she is trying to steady herself. Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with her? Am I gonna have to do something here. Just as that thought enters my mind I quickly cross the room to her, getting on my knees, checking her pulse and making her look at me so I can see her eyes.

"Dr. Masen. Are you okay? Are you having a heart attack?" she shakes her head at me, "A panic attack?" she shakes her head again.

"No, I'm fine. Just give me a second." She whispers.

I don't move for a minute, still in doctor mode. Well this is an interesting turn of events. After a few moments she seems to compose herself and smiles weakly at me.

"I'm sorry, Ms. Swan. I have heard a very similar story to that one. It… I'm sorry" she stutters.

"It's fine. Are you sure you are okay?" I look hesitantly at her.

"Yes, yes. I am fine. Please continue. He told you what happened and then what?"

I stare at her for a moment and then sit in my customary chair. I am still not 100% sure she is okay so I want to keep an eye on her. Finally I continue. "Uh, well we had sex and then I asked him to spend the night and then the next morning I asked him to spend the day with me which turned into the night as well. So he came for dinner on Wednesday and left Friday morning. It was great. A little nerve wracking at first but overall it was great. I don't know. I told him about how I moved to Seattle and little bit about Renee and all her husband's. I mean except for James." Then I laugh softly, "We even played scrabble which I haven't played in a long time."

"That is a big step for you. How did you feel after it was all over?" she asks.

"What do you mean?" I look at her confused.

"I mean after the adrenaline was gone, after he left on Friday and you were alone. How did you feel? The last time you felt confused and nervous. Was that there again?"

"Oddly, no, the only thing I really felt was…" I hesitate for a few moments and then whisper, "I just missed him."

"You missed him?" she looks stunned again.

I sigh, "Yes, I missed him. So much so that I actually called him this morning without realizing I was dialing his number." I look at the ground; I still can't believe I did that.

"You called him this morning?" she queries.

"Yes." I say as I get up to go to the window again.

After a few minutes of silence she speaks again, "Did you have another nightmare?" she asks knowingly.

Seriously, how does she do that? It's like she has some secret power to see the rest of the shit I am holding back and not just what I am saying. How the hell did I think I would get out of this session without discussing it? Finally I just sigh and start talking.

"It was when I was in the hospital. There was an incident with James that sent me to the ER. I was pretty messed up. The part of the dream I remember was when I awoke in the hospital."

"How bad was the incident?" she asks with concern in her voice, Dr. Masen back in full effect.

"It was bad." I am not going to go here, not when I am about to see Edward.

"I see." She pauses for a moment before continuing. "Is this the incident that sent James to prison?"

I turn to look at her startled. Shit! How does she remember all this stuff? I just nod my head and then turn back to the window. Taking a few deep breathes to steady myself. Oddly enough, she lets me stay in my silence, pondering my history, a history I wish I could forget completely. When I turn back around she is watching me.

"Do you want to talk about it?" she finally asks.

"Do I have a choice?" Now it's my turn to look stunned.

She smiles and chuckles lightly. "Ms. Swan you always have a choice. I know I push you a lot but that is because I know we don't have many sessions." She then sighs before continuing, "Speaking of which, we only have one session left and I would really like you to consider seeing another therapist when we are done. We have touched the surface of many things, things that haunt you but there is more that you will need to do in order to be free of your nightmares. Are you open to continuing therapy?"

"With you?" I ask hopeful.

She hesitates, looking to the ground and sighing again before looking back up at me. "I'm afraid not. But I can refer you to several very good people I think you would connect with."

I frown. I don't want to see someone else. She already knows me and at least part of my story. I don't want to repeat this shit again. Besides she doesn't put up with my bullshit. As annoying as that is I think it is probably good for someone like me.

"I'll think about it." I finally say, "But we still have one more session right?"

"Yes, we do." She says with a smile.

We spend the rest of the time talking about Edward, our day together and my frustration with him planning things for me. By the time I left her office she was back to her normal self. Whatever had caused her reaction at the beginning of the session was long gone. I sure wish I could continue with her. I think I could probably tell her the whole story about James. But there is no time to think about that now. Edward is waiting for me and I smile at the thought.

* * *

><p>I am overcome with happiness as I pull up to the Paddleford parking lot. This lot is definitely a lot closer to his building than the Central Parking garage is. I check the mirror to make sure I look alright after Masen's bizarre session with me. At least this time around I know where I am going and see him immediately. Unfortunately, what I see makes my heart stop.<p>

He is looking at his phone, checking the time and talking with someone. She is tall and voluptuous with strawberry blond hair and she is being overly flirtatious with him. She reaches out and brushes some non-existent thing off of his shirt and he steps back from her, looking at her strangely. Oh, what the hell! By the time I get over there I am fuming. I slip my hand into his back pocket and he takes a quick breath as he smiles at me.

I ignore him and look at the gorgeous girl in front of me, "Hello, My name is Isabella. And, you are?"

She laughs, throwing her head back, trying to be cute. Sorry bitch but that shit doesn't work on me. I continue to stare at her and now I understand where the whole concept of a cat fight comes from because right now, if I were a cat my back would be arched, my hair would be fluffed up and my claws would be drawn. Hell, I can almost hear the hiss escape my throat. Except I wouldn't be some pampered cat sleeping on a pillow being fed morsels of fresh food like this bitch looks like, no I would be an alley cat that had to fight for a living and I would seriously fuck her shit up.

Edward interrupts her laughing spell looking at me cautiously, "Babe, this is Tanya. She is my lab partner." He looks at Tanya, "Tanya, this is my girlfriend Isabella."

She stops laughing and eyes me. Oh yeah bitch. He said girlfriend. She smiles sweetly at me before responding.

"It's nice to finally meet you Isabella; Edward has told me so much about you." She takes my hand in hers and then looks up at Edward batting her lashes.

Fuck! Take out a loan skank and buy a fucking clue. He's NOT interested! When I finally follow her gaze I see that Edward is looking at me with concern in his eyes.

"Lab partner?" I finally ask softly.

He sighs, "Yes."

I turn my head to look at Tanya again and she is eyeing us both with a sly smile on her face. Like this bitch has a chance.

Edward turns my face to his and leans down kissing me softly on the lips before whispering to me, "Are you ready to go?"

I nod at him and turn my back on Tanya, not even giving her another look. He takes my hand and pulls it to his mouth kissing it lightly as we start to walk to an office. He unlocks the door and when we are inside the room he locks it again. There isn't a lot of furniture in it but it has two desks and a few chairs.

"These are student offices. I reserved it for us." He says.

I nod and notice he already has some food on one of the desks. My blood is still boiling over this Tanya skank but I am trying to not let it bother me. It was clear Edward wasn't interested but she was still pursuing him which pisses me off. I feel him wrap his arms around my waist, nuzzling into my hair. He kisses me lightly on the neck.

"Are you angry at me?" he whispers against my neck.

"No." I let out a deep breath as he kisses up my neck. "But, I didn't like her touching you."

He stops kissing me. "I don't know what to do about her. I am never alone with her and I make sure all our study sessions are in VERY public places but I don't know. I have told her I am with someone but she…" Finally he sighs, "You don't think I am interested in her do you?"

"Are you?" I ask although I am not sure I want to know the answer.

He pulls me around so that I am facing him; he has that serious expression on his face again. He runs his hand down my face and I lean into it closing my eyes.

"Isabella. She is nothing to me. You are all that matters." He says with conviction.

I open my eyes and look at him. The desire to make him mine overwhelms me. I kiss him fiercely, pushing him against the door running my hands down his shirt, quickly unbuttoning his jeans so that I can stroke him. He moans into my mouth and turns me around so that my back is against the door as he undoes my jeans, pushing them along with my panties to the ground. He moves a couple of his fingers inside me and I am so ready for him. We stay against the door kissing while I grind againsts his fingers, as he continues to move them in and out of me. We are both moaning and panting as I stroke his extremely hard cock, moving my thumb across the tip of his head just the way he likes. He moves my hand so he can take his cock out to fuck me at the door which normally I wouldn't object to but I want something else right now. I stop him and he looks at me confused.

"The desk." I say through ragged breaths.

He grabs me and I wrap my legs around his waist. He walks us towards the free desk and sits me on top of it, pulling me close to the edge. I fist his hair, pulling him close to me so that I have access to his neck. He pushes inside of me just as I bite him hard on the neck, sucking and kissing him knowing that I am giving him one hell of a hickey. We are both being extremely loud now and I am sure other people can hear us. Fuck I hope they do, especially that skank, so she knows it's me that is making him feel this way. He continues to thrust into me faster and faster as I continue sucking on his neck, finally I throw my head back as my whole body arches to meet his thrusts and I come, screaming his name.

"Oh God! Bella." He says as he thrusts inside me again, coming hard.

We continue to hold each other, him deep inside me as we ride out our orgasms, settling our breathing. He kisses me lightly on my lips and I open my mouth to him. He deepens the kiss and I immediately feel bad about being jealous of that skank. Shit! Is that what I was? I don't know but I seriously want to beat the shit out of her.

He stops kissing me, pulling away slightly as he rests his forehead against mine. "I'm sorry about Tanya."

"Now I understand why you hate Jake so much." I say solemnly.

"Well, I don't really hate Jake." He stops for a minute and then smiles at me, "Okay, I do hate him." Then he shakes his head, sighing before finally mumbling, "But at least you know I haven't had sex with Tanya."

I close my eyes and let out a deep breath, "That was before we were monogamous with one another."

"I know. But it still bothers me some, especially the way he looks at you." He pulls out of me and then lifts me off the desk, kissing me lightly. "Let's not talk about Jake or Tanya. Okay?" he whispers against my lips.

I smile and nod as I go to grab my jeans and he puts himself back together. Why is it he always seems to keep his pants on? When I turn around he is getting the food out of containers. He motions for me to sit down and I take the plate he offers me.

"So, is this my surprise?" I ask with a smile.

He gives me my look and I can't even remember why I was angry. "The last time you were here we didn't have any, hmm, privacy" he smiles and winks at me before continuing, "So I thought I would arrange for that this time."

"Good call." I say with a smirk.

We eat and just make small talk about school and our upcoming trip. He still won't tell me where we are going but says I can be casual. But then clarifies he wants me to bring one dress. Hmm, this man and his surprises.

When we are done eating I go to him, straddling his lap. I gently run my fingers along the hickey I gave him earlier and frown slightly. Geez, Swan, how very adolescent of you. I lean in and kiss it lightly. Shit, he isn't going to be able to hide that. Well, maybe the skank will recognize he is mine and will back the hell off.

"I'm sorry about this." I say as I place my fingers over his now very purple mark.

"It's alright. It'll fade." Then he hesitates for a minute, "Is it bad?"

I nod. "Yeah, sorry. I'm not sure what came over me." Oh hell, you know exactly what came over you, jealousy over that skank. You WANTED to mark him. You wanted her and every other female at this school to know he was taken.

He just leans in and kisses me, gently running his hands in my hair and then down my back. As we stop kissing I rest my head on his shoulder, enjoying the calmness that is enveloping me as he tenderly runs his fingers up and down my back.

"How much time do we have?" I ask quietly.

"We have some time still; I reserved this room for a few hours." He kisses me on the top of my head, "Do you want to tell me about the dream you had this morning?"

My whole body stiffens and his fingers stop moving. Fuck! First Masen and now him. I can't talk about the dream without talking about James. I just can't do that. He takes a deep breath before speaking again.

"I'm sorry baby." He says as he starts moving his fingers again. "I just wish I could make it all go away."

I sigh softly, "I wish it were that easy."

We sit like that for a long time, just holding each other. It's one of the most intimate things I have ever done. We are not talking, just gently caressing one another, giving each other light kisses. I mean I do want to have sex again but we have a few hours so I am in no hurry. When someone knocks on the door we both jump, startled out of our intimacy. I think we both forgot we weren't at home.

"Just a minute." He says loudly as I get off of him and he walks to the door.

"Hey E. Sorry dude but Dr. Cross just called all of us to the seminar room to go over that last assignment we turned in. I'm sorry. I know you're with your girl but shit! You gotta go as well; he'll mark you down if you aren't there."

"It's alright Eric. Thanks. Save me a seat okay. I'll be there in a second." He says with some agitation in his voice.

"Okay man. Hey! I'm really sorry." Eric says before Edward closes the door.

I walk over to him and pull him to me. "Hmm, so I need to wait until Friday to see you again huh?"

"That seems like a long time doesn't it. Are you sure I can't see you before that?" he asks hopeful.

"No. I am working some extra hours so I don't have to be in until Sunday afternoon instead of Sunday morning. Hopefully we will both just be too busy to miss each other." I say lightly, knowing that won't be the case.

He kisses me again and we walk out of the office. I see his friend Eric and the "skank" walking down the hall and watch as he walks away from me, heading in their direction. I sigh lightly and then walk out of the building. I look around and remember that there is a coffee shop not too far from here and head that way.

* * *

><p>I am sitting at a table drinking my coffee watching the people go by. Man, it is going to be a long time until Friday. I was really hoping we had more time together today to tide me over. Maybe I should reconsider my stance about him not attending classes this Friday. How am I going to get through the next three days?<p>

"Bella?" I hear someone call me but I don't recognize the voice.

I turn to look at who just called me and drop the coffee in my hand, spilling some of it before I right the cup. What the fuck is he doing here? Oh shit! My head is spinning and I feel nauseous. Just my fucking luck!

"Riley." I say with bitterness in my voice.

He smiles and pulls the chair out across from me. "Can I sit down? Do you need something to clean that up with it?" he motions to the coffee on the table.

"What do you want?" I glare at him, "Don't you think you have ruined my life enough already?"

"Geez, Bella, you were so fun on the 4th. Why are you being such a bitch?" he smiles, showing his perfect teeth.

Now, I am sure to most girls, that smile makes them want to drop their panties immediately. I mean he is a good looking guy and damn he is looking sexy as hell in some jeans and a black button down shirt, his sandy blond hair falling around his face. And hell on the 4th I was really looking forward to fucking him, until we got busted that is. And now, well, now I have Edward. He leans across the table avoiding the spilt coffee I refuse to clean up and whispers in my ear.

"You know I never did get my turn. Should we make a go of it here?"

I close my eyes and push him away as he laughs. "Oh, come on Bella. Maybe, I should pick up some booze. You'd be all for it then?"

"Fuck you Riley!" I say vehemently.

"That's what I am shooting for?" he says smirking. "What are you doing here anyways?"

"None of your damned business! I'm an ADULT I can go and do whatever the hell I want!" I can feel my anger rising but I don't want to lose it here.

He laughs again, "Well, I'm an adult too you know. So if that's an issue…" he starts to say before I interrupt him.

"It isn't an issue. I just don't want you. The 4th was a fucking mistake and I have regretted it ever since. Do you have any idea the shit storm your stupid ass created?" I pause but don't let him speak, "Of course you don't cause your stupid ass was too busy getting high to know how to fucking compose yourself around some fucking security."

He just stares at me for a moment and then smiles again. He really is full of himself. "Well, you seemed to like having my dick in your mouth and since we didn't actually finish. Why don't we skip the fucking and just go with that?"

I glare at him for a moment and then get up. If he says one more thing I swear I am going to castrate him here. I walk away from the table and head out of the building. Fuck! I am not paying attention to my surroundings which is not like me at all so when I feel someone grab my arm, I jump involutarily. I turn quickly to see Riley holding it.

"Hey, wait." He hesitates for a moment and then whispers to me, "What if I go get Alec? Would you do it then?"

I close my eyes. This cannot be happening to me. I need to get the hell out of here. What if Edward gets out early and sees me talking to him? All of a sudden I look around, paranoia invading my senses. I need to get this idiot away from me. I don't want him following me to my car especially since I have to walk by Paddleford to get to it. Hell, at this point I just need to get off campus before Edward sees I am still here.

When I turn to look at him again, I give him my best I want to fuck you look and run my fingers down his chest, stopping at the top button of his jeans. He lets out a moan and looks at me and I know that look, that I am going to fuck you look. I finally whisper, "Go find Alec! I'll wait for you guys here" and I motion to a bench nearby.

When he looks at the bench he smirks at me and then smiles widely as he takes off. I watch him and when he is out of eyesight I make my own escape. I practically run to my car and head off of campus as quickly as I can. When I am far enough away I pull over to the side of the road and just let myself cry. Of all the fucking people to run in to. I mean I knew it was always a possibility, I knew it COULD happen but what are the fucking odds? Well, apparently with me dead on. I wipe my eyes and head to my house to get ready for work.

I know I am going to have to talk to Edward about the 4th. As much as I don't want to, running into Riley is proof that my past will never leave me in peace. Fuck! This is going to be a long fucking week!

* * *

><p><strong>AN…. Ah, our poor Bella. She just can't catch a break can she? Tanya is lucky Edward was there though because Bella was seriously going to open up a can of "wup ass" LOL and well, Bella was going to have to run into Riley eventually, RIGHT? Hmm, lots of stuff happening here, we have Riley and skanky Tanya and our poor Dr. Masen. Lots to ponder, next chapter will be EPOV. **

**I know I spoiled you with three chapters in a four day period but alas, you are now caught up to what I have edited and in que. So I will be back to Friday postings. Okay folks, as always, please review and let me know what you think. **


	18. Ch 17: A life less ordinary

**Rating: M- For lemons (lots of them), language and situations. So this means if you're under 16 please be responsible for yourself.**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer is the sole owner of the world of Twilight. I am just having a little harmless fun with her characters.**

**Once again thank you to my amazing Beta's A & C for your guidance, encouragement & support. You girls rock big time! Alright everyone, don't forget to check out the blog for pictures for this chapter and the chapter song. Now, I am a huge American Idol fan, DON'T JUDGE ME! LOL, anyway, this song is from the 2010 winner. And, yeah, this is another long chapter. Hmm, what can I say, there was a lot to cover...LOL**

**Now, I am posting today instead of Friday because I won't have access to the internet tomorrow as I thought I would. But, I figured it was better to give you the chapter a day early versus a day late. Am I right on this? LOL**

**So Bella had a lot going on last chapter, lots of things to make us think about. Now, let's take a look and see what's going on in Edward's world. Shall we?**

* * *

><p>Things like this don't happen to me<br>Everything used to be so ordinary  
>From the day that I met you everything's changed<br>Feel like I am dreaming with my eyes open wide  
>Baby, you make me feel so good inside<br>What you done to me is kind of hard to explain

Like standing in Times Square on New Year's Eve and no one is around  
>Like looking up on a summers day and seeing snowflakes falling down<br>Like dancing on the Brooklyn Bridge by perfect candle light  
>That's how you make me feel<br>Every time you say you're mine

It seems like just yesterday that I didn't even know your name  
>And now I can't imagine life without you here my dear<br>What you do to me it's something new to me, Yeah

Brooklyn Bridge by Lee DeWyze

**Chapter 17: A life less ordinary**

EPOV

She was real quiet as she took my hand to walk back to the student office I reserved for today. I had been waiting for her to get here when Tanya approached me. I didn't want Isabella to see her. Not because I was doing anything wrong but I know how Tanya acts and I didn't want Isabella to think something was going on or that I wanted something to be going on. I hadn't told her that Tanya was now my lab partner, which I probably should have done before today. It figures that the one day I ditch classes to be with Bella would be the day they assign partners for this project. Of course Tanya volunteered to "take me". I keep telling her I am with someone but she must think I am lying or something. I lock the door after we enter and watch Isabella as she looks around the room. Her arms are crossed over his chest and her whole body posture says back off. I just sigh and walk up behind her, wrapping my arms around her waist and nuzzling into her hair, kissing her neck softly.

"Are you angry at me?" I whisper against her neck.

"No." she takes a deep breath before continuing. "But, I didn't like her touching you."

I stop kissing her. Shit! It's not like I was letting her fondle me or anything but I understand how it probably looked. I was upset at the hospital when Jake came up behind her and whispered in her ear.

"I don't know what to do about her. I am never alone with her and I make sure all our study sessions are in VERY public places but I don't know. I have told her I am with someone but she…" I sigh, Fucking Tanya! "You don't think I am interested in her do you?"

"Are you?" she asks softly.

I can't believe she would think I would want Tanya. I pull her around so that she's facing me; I need to look at her because I am floored that she doesn't comprehend how much she means to me. That she thinks I could just throw it away, throw her away. She doesn't look angry anymore but she does look hurt. I run my hand down her beautiful face and she leans into me closing her chocolate brown eyes.

"Isabella. She is nothing to me. You are all that matters." I say to her firmly. She needs to understand this.

She opens her eyes to me and there is something else there now. I have seen that look before. It's the same one she had at her place after I told her about Kate. She kisses me as she pushes me against the door, moving her hands down to my pants and unbuttoning them quickly. Her hand is stroking me before I can register my own desire for her. I moan into her mouth and turn her around pushing her back against the door. I need to be inside her. I unbutton her jeans quickly and drop them to the floor, immediately moving two of my fingers inside her. God, she is so wet already. This makes me want her even more, if that's even possible. She grinds against my fingers and is running her thumb across the tip of my head. We are both moaning loudly now as I push her hand away from my cock so I can position myself to enter her. She stops me and I stare at her confused.

"The desk." she says through ragged breaths.

I lift her up to my waist and she wraps her legs around me as I walk us towards the free desk, sitting her on top of it and pulling her to the edge. She fists my hair pulling me close to her. As I push inside of her I feel her bite down on my neck. Fuck! That hurt. She is sucking and kissing on my neck and I know she is giving me a fierce hickey but I can't even think about that. All I can think about is how good she feels, how much I have missed being with her and how much I need her. We are being very loud now and I am sure they can hear us down the hall but I don't care. I continue to push in and out of her hard, pulling her as close to me as I can manage as we both fly close to the edge. When she throws her head back, her whole body arches to meet me and I am done.

"Oh God! Bella." I say through ragged breathes as I thrust again, releasing within her.

We stay in our current positions, holding onto one another as we ride out our orgasms, settling our breathing. After a few minutes I kiss her lightly on her lips and when she opens her mouth, I deepen the kiss immediately. We stay this way for a long time. Gently kissing each other, savoring being together, completely connected to one another. When I finally pull away from our kiss, I rest my forehead against hers.

"I'm sorry about Tanya." I whisper to her.

"Now I understand why you hate Jake so much." She says softly.

"Well, I don't really hate Jake." I stop for a minute and smile, "Okay, I do hate him." The thought of her being with him crosses my mind. I can see him holding her, fucking her, seeing her beautiful face when he makes her come. I shake my head, trying to get the image out of my head. I sigh and mumble softly, "But at least you know I haven't had sex with Tanya."

She closes her eyes and lets out a deep breath, "That was before we were monogamous with one another."

"I know. But it still bothers me some, especially the way he looks at you." This is going to get us nowhere. I pull out of her and set her off of the desk, kissing her lightly on the mouth. "Let's not talk about Jake or Tanya. Okay?" I whisper against her lips.

She nods and goes to grab her jeans which are near the door. I put my dick back in my pants and zip up, then start getting the food together, putting a plate together for her. When she comes back to me I motion for her to sit down and hand her a plate.

"So, is this my surprise?" she asks smiling.

I look down and shake my head smiling, she's so mercurial sometimes. "The last time you were here we didn't have any, hmm, privacy" I smile again and wink at her before continuing, "So I thought I would arrange for that this time."

"Good call." She says smirking.

We eat and just make small talk about school and our upcoming trip. I am not going to tell her anything. I want to see the expression on her face when we arrive. She wants to know what to pack so I just tell her to be casual, it's not like we are going to some 5 star resort or secluded island in Rio. I know she wouldn't like that. I would like to do that for her but she isn't ready for me to spoil her like that. I just ask her to bring one dress because I do want to take her out on Saturday night.

When we are done eating she comes to me and straddles my lap. I am watching her as she gently runs her fingers along what I would assume is the hickey she gave me earlier. Then she frowns and leans in to kiss it. She places her fingers over it, almost like she is covering it up.

"I'm sorry about this." She says softly, looking down.

"It's alright. It'll fade." I hesitate for a minute, "Is it bad?"

When she nods I wonder how I am going to cover it up. Oh well, it's not the first time she gave me a hickey and I am sure it won't be the last time. She has a tendency to be somewhat aggressive in her love making. Not that I mind at all. Her voice brings me out of my reflection.

"Yeah, sorry. I'm not sure what came over me." She runs her fingers along it, frowning slightly.

I just run my hands in her hair and pull her to me so that I can kiss her while running my hands up and down her back. When we stop kissing she rests her head on my shoulder as I gently caress her.

"How much time do we have?" she asks just above a whisper.

"We have time still, I reserved this room for a few hours" I kiss her on the top of her head, "Do you want to tell me about the dream you had this morning?"

Her whole body stiffens at the mention of her dream and I instinctively stop moving my fingers. Shit! I should have just let it go. She just seemed so upset this morning. Finally, I just take a deep breath.

"I'm sorry baby." I say as I start moving my fingers again. "I just wish I could make it all go away."

She sighs softly against me, "I wish it were that easy."

We sit like that for a long time, just holding each other. It's one of the most intimate things we have done so far. We are not talking, just gently caressing one another, giving each other light kisses. We have this room for a few more hours and I have plans to take full advantage of that. When someone knocks on the door we both jump, startled. I think we both forgot we weren't at home.

"Just a minute." I say as Bella moves so I can walk to the door. When I open it I see Eric, looking at the ground, moving his foot around, making circles. What the hell is his problem?

"Hey E. Sorry dude but Dr. Cross just called all of us to the seminar room to go over that last assignment we turned in. I'm sorry. I know you're with your girl but shit! You gotta go as well; he'll mark you down if you aren't there." He says quickly.

Fuck! I have this room reserved for 2 more hours but Cross is notorious for being long winded which means I'm not going to be able to make love to Isabella again today. I swear Cross just likes the sound of his own voice and now I'm pissed because he is going to prevent me from being with Bella.

"It's alright Eric. Thanks. Save me a seat okay. I'll be there in a second." I finally say to him.

"Okay man. Hey! I'm really sorry." Eric says before I close the door.

When I turn around Bella is walking to me, she pulls me into her arms and whispers against my chest. "Hmm, so I need to wait until Friday to see you again huh?"

"That seems like a long time doesn't it. Are you sure I can't see you before that?" I ask hopeful that she has changed her mind about this.

"No. I am working some extra hours so I don't have to be in until Sunday afternoon instead of Sunday morning. Hopefully we will both just be too busy to miss each other." She says lightly, like she is trying to make it not so bad. Shit! The next three days are going to be a nightmare without seeing her.

I kiss her again and then we walk out of the office. I smile at her and say bye before heading off after Eric and Tanya, who I see already walking towards the seminar room. When I get in, Tanya motions for me to sit next to her and I just glare at her. After her little stunt in the hall I don't think so. I take a seat near Eric and pull out the assignment we are going to go over. When my phone buzzes I smile thinking it is Bella but frown when I see it's from my mom instead. Why is she texting me?

*****Edward, do you think you could stop by my office after class today?*****

I sigh. What the hell! She never asks me to come to her office. I hope everything is alright. I type a quick reply.

*****Sure, is everything alright? E*****

*****Yes, I just need to visit with you about something. When are you free?*****

I look at the class and Dr. Cross is already droning on. Well if no one asks any questions I could be done in an hour but then I have another class after that.

*****My last class ends at 3; I can come by after that. E*****

*****I will clear my schedule. See you then. Love you son.*****

Fuck! She's clearing her schedule? Shit, this can't be good. I sigh before responding back to her.

*****I love you too, mom. See you later. E*****

Okay, well I might as well go now because now my head is spinning with all sorts of possibilities. What could be so important that she is clearing her schedule to talk to me? When Eric nudges me I look at him, startled, and he motions to Dr. Cross who is looking at me. I apologize and put my phone away. Getting back to the task at hand.

* * *

><p>When I get to my mom's office she is sitting at her desk working on her computer. She looks up when I walk in and smiles at me, coming around the desk to give me a hug. I smile at her, looking around her office. It looks basically the same as it always does. She motions for me to sit down, which I do. Why do I feel like I am about to talk to Dr. Masen and not my mom?<p>

"Hey mom. So what's up?" I say casually, might as well get this over with, whatever "this" is.

She smiles at me. "Edward. It's been awhile since we talked. I know you have been busy with school but your dad has also told me you have started dating again? And from the look of your neck you have seen each other recently." She frowns as she says this last part.

I sigh. "Yes, she came by to see me at school today. What exactly did dad tell you?"

She is still looking at my hickey and frowning when she finally brings her eyes to mine. "Edward it's not your dad's place to tell me anything about your love life. How come YOU didn't tell me anything?" when I stare at her dumbfounded she continues, "He just said that you were dating a young woman and that it was in the beginning stages and that you were smitten with her."

"He said I was smitten?" I ask, smitten doesn't do what I feel justice.

She frowns again, "Edward you didn't answer my question. Why didn't you tell me about her? You have always been able to talk to me in the past. What's different about this girl?"

Shit! Now I know what her clients must feel like. She just bulls right forward. I thought therapists were supposed to be all, comfortable silences and shit like that. "Is this how you get your clients to talk?" I say with a smile, trying to lighten things up.

She stares at me for a moment before smiling. "Sometimes." And then she arches one of her perfect brows at me "especially when they are being guarded." Shit! That reminds me of Bella and I can't help but smile.

"Sorry, Mom." I say softly.

I get up and walk to the window, looking outside at the people walking around. I don't know why I didn't tell her. Maybe because she would act like this, become a therapist instead of a mom. When I hear her gasp I turn to look at her and she is just staring at me, gaping.

"What?" I ask confused by her reaction.

She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. "Tell me about her."

"Um, her name is Bella. She's a doctor at Northwest. We met about four weeks ago and have been dating for almost three weeks now." I say. I am not sure how much I should tell her. I know she doesn't want to hear about all the sex I have been having lately.

"AND? That's it?" she asks annoyance in her tone.

"Uh, no." God! I feel like a little kid. "We have been out a few times and she even cooked for me." I smile at the memory of spending the night at her place and waking up with her, her asking me to stay, the shower. Fuck! That was hot. Finally I sigh and continue, "I love her, more than anything, more than anyone I have ever met. And I already know that she is the only one for me. I am going to marry her." When I hear her gasp again, I turn to look at her and try to rephrase the last part. "Well, I'm not going to marry her right this minute but eventually." Geez, Mom, get a grip.

"And how does she feel about you?" she asks softly.

"Uh, I don't know. I mean I haven't even told her I love her yet." I sigh and turn back around looking out the window. "She's been through a lot." I frown when I recall her telling me that her stepdad tried to kill her, what kind of asshole does something like that to a kid? I let out a deep breath and continue. "She's guarded. I am trying not to push her. Dad told me I should take it slow." I sigh again. "I don't know if I am doing such a good job at going slow though."

"Well, you have never gone slowly in anything you have wanted." I hear her let out a soft breath. "Edward, what do you really "know" about her?" she asks warily.

"What do you mean?" I turn to look at her again.

She looks down for a minute and takes a breath before looking up at me. "I am just worried about you, after everything that happened with Kate." She hesitates when she sees my expression. "I don't know honey. You just seem to be a magnet for troubled souls." She says softly.

I am frowning at her. What the hell does that mean? God, she is confusing as hell. Why can't she just tell me shit straight out? She gets up and walks over to me and glances out the window.

"What is it about this window?" she says.

"Huh?" I ask confused, again. Is it me or is she talking in circles?

I look outside again and she puts her arm around my waist. We stand like this for a few minutes just watching the people walk along below us.

"I have a client that likes to stand at this window when they are discussing difficult subject matter. I have had some of my best conversations with that particular client while they have been standing right where you are." She muses. "It's interesting to me that you would come stand in the same spot." She looks down for a minute shaking her head.

I am looking at her now. As she turns to looks up at me she has a thoughtfully expression on her face. I know this look. It is the look she uses before she says something important.

"Please be careful Edward. I know I am overprotective of you but," she looks down again and shakes her head slightly before looking up at me again, "I think you need to really talk to this girl, find out what she is about. You need to know what you're getting yourself into. I don't want a repeat of Kate."

"She's not like Kate." I say indignantly.

"No, probably not but you yourself said she's been through a lot and that she is guarded. I just don't want you hurt." She leans up and kisses me on my forehead.

"You can't prevent that Mom." I say with a smile.

She sighs as she pulls me into a hug. "I know but I can try can't I?"

After a few moments she walks away from me going over to her desk. "We are all eating out tonight. It's been a long time. Go home and put something on that will cover that mark on your neck and meet us at the Marriott at 6:00. I have already talked to your father and sister. God, this has been one hell of a day!"

I look at her speechless. Did she just curse? She sees my expression and sighs.

"Edward, I have had an emotional, roller coaster of a day and I want to spend it with my family. Please go home and change."

I just nod at her as I head out of her office. Geez, she's had an emotional day. Between Isabella's unusual call this morning, Tanya's stupidity, Bella's reaction to Tanya, Us being forced to cut our day short and now being summoned to my mom's office to have the craziest conversation ever. Yeah, I think I can top her emotional day! I pull out my phone to check the time and head home.

* * *

><p>I walk into my bedroom and lay on the bed. My head is reeling trying to make sense of everything. I wish I could just see Isabella right now. I reach over to my nightstand and pull out the box I picked up Saturday. It had taken all day to find all the pieces that I wanted. I play with it lightly smiling at the choices I made. I hope she likes it.<p>

After an hour I get up and get ready. By the time I walk out into the living room Jasper is sitting on the couch. He has his guitar and is strumming along, not looking up at me.

"What are you doing here so early?" I ask surprised to see him.

"My date got cancelled. Apparently there is some family meeting Alice must attend." He then turns to see me. I am wearing slacks and a button up shirt, buttoned all the way to the top which I usually don't do especially if I'm not wearing a tie.

"You know I can still see it." He says smiling as he starts strumming his guitar again.

"See what?" I ask confused.

He sighs, "E, you are so clueless sometimes. The hickey! I can still see the hickey. You know your mom isn't going to like that. I remember when I gave Alice one and your mom lectured me for over an hour."

"Yeah. Well, she has already seen it. She told me to cover it up. The only way to cover it up would be to wear a turtleneck, which I refuse to do." I say sitting down on the couch.

He moves my shirt to look at my neck. "WOW! Hmm. Pissed or jealous?"

"What?" God, am I that off today?

"Was she pissed at you or jealous?" he says as he rolls his eyes.

"I think a little of both." When he looks at me waiting for more I sigh. "I was waiting for her to get to the school and Tanya stopped me in the hall." When I mention Tanya he rolls his eyes exaggeratedly, "Yeah, I know. Well Tanya was being Tanya and Bella arrived to witness it."

"I see. You're going to have to do something about Tanya. She is bad news." Then he looks confused, "So how did your mom see it?"

"She asked me to stop by her office after classes today."

"Ah, so that's why I am not getting head right now. Thank you very much."

I glare at him, "How the hell is that my fault?"

"If your mom hadn't called some family meeting then I would be with Alice right now. She promised me head earlier today."

"You know, I don't want to know what my little sister is doing with you. That's just…. I don't know, gross! Besides it's not a family meeting its dinner." What the hell is wrong with everyone today?

"You're getting a Master's degree in English and the best word you can come up with is gross?" he says between laughs.

I look at him for a minute and then just laugh, "Hey, excuse me if I am not on my "A" game. It's been a weird fucking day!"

We both laugh and I tell him about everything that transpired today starting with Bella calling me this morning, her meeting me at school, our day getting cut short and then my visit with my mom at her office. He agrees it's been a weird day. Thanks for the validation bro. Then he goes into his room and when he comes back he throws another shirt at me.

"This has a little higher collar; it will cover it up more so your mom isn't glaring at it all night. You know how she feels about hickeys." He says solemnly, probably remembering the whole marking and ownership lecture that I have heard since I was old enough to masturbate.

"Yeah, I know. Thanks."

I quickly change and head out to meet my family for dinner. Shit, it better not be some family meeting. We haven't had one of those in years and I don't think I could handle one after all that has transpired today.

* * *

><p>I see them immediately when I arrive and head straight to the table. The waiter is refilling mom's wine so she must already be on at least her second glass. Geez, she really did have a rough day. I go around the table giving everyone a hug. When I reach Alice she smiles and whispers in my ear.<p>

"Why are you wearing Jasper's shirt?"

I just shake my head and she frowns slightly but nods her understanding that I can't tell her now. That's one thing about Alice and I, we have always had the ability to communicate with one another without words. I sit down and the waiter fills my wine glass.

"So, how's Bella son?" my dad asks cheerily. Obviously he and mom started the festivities without us.

"She's fine. She's working the next few days so I won't be able to see her until Friday."

"Ah, is that when you are leaving? It's this weekend your taking her out of town isn't it?" He asks like he really doesn't remember. That man has a memory that doesn't end. He wouldn't have made it as far as he has without remembering every little thing.

"Yes, we will leave when I am done with classes."

Then Alice peeps in from next to me. "Did you bring her present? I want to see it!"

I sigh, "No. I left it at home but it looks nice. I just hope she likes it."

"What's the occasion?" my mom asks as she downs the rest of her wine.

"I missed her birthday and we're going to celebrate it Friday."

"So where are you taking her son?" my dad asks.

Alice starts talking a mile a minute before I can even open my mouth. "He's taking her to Whidbey Island! It's so romantic. He rented one of the cottages in Langley. I am going to go over Friday morning and get it ready for him." I just stare at her; I swear she is more excited than should be normal for someone not actually going.

Finally I just shake my head smiling, looking over at my dad, "Too much?" I ask

"No way!" Alice pipes in again.

"How can she not love it?" he smiles and then winks. "Boy, you really have it bad son, I don't remember you taking Kate away for the weekend."

I stare at him. I'm not sure if I should be angry or appalled that he would put Bella in the same category as Kate. He knows that I never loved Kate like I love Isabella. Why would he say that? Okay, I am angry. I start to say something but my mom's voice stops me.

"Carlisle!" my mom says, raising her voice slightly as he turns to look at her. "Stop!" then she sighs, "Ms. Swan is nothing like Kate in any way shape or form. And I thought we decided that we would stop throwing Kate into every damn conversation that pertains to our son?" she rubs her hand over her face, taking in a few deep breaths.

"I'm sorry sweetheart" my dad says as he grabs her hand and kisses it. "I didn't mean it in a bad way, just that he seems to really care about her."

"I know. I can see that." My mom says seeming flustered all of a sudden.

"That has to mean something, don't you think?" he asks her, forcing her to look at him.

"It's just…" she sighs and he runs his hand down her face.

"I know honey but it'll be okay." He whispers to her and she nods. He then leans in to kiss her.

Alice and I are just staring at them. I mean my parents have always been affectionate with one another and we have even seen them argue on occasion but this interaction was just weird. It's like they forgot we were even there. Seriously, what the hell was that all about? And did I even mention Bella's last name to either of them, and why would my mom call her Ms. Swan?

Finally my mom turns to me "Son, I'm sorry. I know I expressed concern this afternoon but I think I need to just trust your judgment on this. I can see how much you care about her. I will just pray that your love is enough." and then she motions my dad to pour her some more wine.

Well I don't know what that's supposed to mean but okay. I just stare at her, speechless. That seems to be my M.O. for today. The rest of dinner went by uneventful as I tried to recover from my parent's weird exchange. By the time I got home I went straight to bed. I needed to end this fucking day!

* * *

><p>The next three days went by slower than humanly possible. I missed Isabella like crazy and have been antsy all day today. I am sitting in class willing the time away. She will be waiting for me to pick her up once I am done here. I have everything inside my car and am beyond excited. Alice has already called to tell me she was back, that it was perfect and that she had left the cottage unlocked. I had our ferry tickets and we needed to leave right away in order to make it there on time. I was out of my seat the minute the instructor started his "that's all for today speech."<p>

When I knock on her door she opens it immediately and swings her arms around me, kissing me passionately. We stand there kissing for a couple of minutes and I am already hard. Shit! We have to leave or we'll miss the ferry. I sigh and pull away from her.

"Come on baby, let's go. I can't wait to get you there."

She smiles and reaches down to grab her bag which I promptly take from her. Honestly, this woman. She frowns at first but then takes my free hand.

"So you still aren't telling me?" she looks at me as I open the door to the car and she gets in.

"Nope" I say smiling as I get in myself.

When we start driving she smiles and has this mischievous look on her face. "What if I offer head in exchange for information?"

I turn to stare at her and then hear a horn honk at me. "Isabella!" I right myself and she laughs.

The drive to the Mukilteo Pier was an hour long with traffic. She continues to look around and I know she has no idea where we are going because when we pull up she has a confused expression on her face. I smile and turn her face to me.

"I'm taking you to Whidbey Island. I reserved a cottage in Langley." Then I kiss her lightly on her lips.

I pull out our tickets and we wait for them to board us.

"I've never been on a boat before." She says.

"Well this is only a ferry. I will have to take you on an actual boat sometime."

"Edward, how can you afford to do all this?" she is looking at me now, curious.

I smile, "Baby, my dad is very successful. I get an allowance of sorts for school. It is a lot more than I need and I never spend it. So I have sort of a surplus." Then I frown realizing how privileged I sound.

"So, you are rich?" she asks stunned.

I frown. "No, my family is. I am a student."

"Uh, Edward. I think that makes you rich. It's nothing to be ashamed of." But she turns to look out the window.

"Does it bother you that my family has money?" God, I hope not.

"No. It is just different." Then she smirks at me, "Do you have a trust fund?" she says jokingly.

I stare at her. Fuck! Should I tell her? Then I just sigh, "Yes. My grandfather set one up for us when we were born. Both Alice and I have access to it when we turn 25."

Now she is gaping at me. "You're serious aren't you? Holy Shit! Now I am definitely not meeting your parents."

"WHAT! You're kidding right?" She has to be joking.

"Edward, they will think I am after you for your money." Then she smiles playfully "And I will be forced to tell them I am only after you for your massive cock." She runs her hand along my crotch where my cock is already trying to get out to her.

She moves her hand away from my crotch and then laughs, smacking me on the arm, "I'm kidding, baby. I don't care if you have money. Well I do but I'm choosing not to care unless it becomes a problem."

"How would it become a problem?" I say genuinely curious about her logic. "I mean I really want to know what I need to avoid."

"If you go overboard, trying to buy me something or take me somewhere too expensive. I couldn't handle that." Then she hesitates for a minute, "This place we are going to isn't you going overboard is it?"

I flash the Cullen patented smile, "No, it's very nice but not overboard. I promise."

She smiles and then finally it is our turn to board. Geez, it's about time. Now I know why the website said to plan on arriving 30-40 minutes before departure.

"How long is the ferry ride?" she asks as we park.

"20 minutes, why?"

She just smiles and starts undoing my pants pulling my cock out stroking me. I smile at her and then close my eyes as I rest my head on the back of my seat. I moan loudly as she puts my cock in her mouth. Oh God! I move my hands into her hair as she circles my head with her tongue and then slips it across my tip. Fuck! Every time she does that I want to come instantly. She continues to suck me hard and when I hit the back of her throat I groan loudly, pulling on her hair.

"Bella! Don't stop baby, Oh God!"

She is pulling me deep into her mouth, scraping her teeth up my length every time she comes back up, then sucking my head, sweeping her tongue across my slit, then she starts the process all over again. She does this several times and I don't know how long I can hold off. My breathing is erratic and my eyes roll to the back of my head as my whole body starts to tremble. I thrust my hips, forcing my cock to hit the back of her throat again and I moan loudly as I come hard in her mouth. She continues to suck on me as my body shivers and my cock twitches. I swear she gives the best head. Not that I have a lot to compare it to but still, I can't imagine anyone else being able to do what she does to me.

My eyes are still closed when I feel her lips on mine and I open my mouth, letting her run her tongue around mine. I pull her close to me and we kiss for a long time.

"We should be arriving soon." I say softly, not wanting her to move.

"Okay." She says softly against my lips.

When we dock she is looking out her window, watching the shore. She barely registers when we pull up to the cottage. She smiles as she turns to see it. I park and come around to her side of the car and open the door for her. She takes my hand and looks around. I grab our bags out of the backseat and we walk to the door.

When I open the door she gasps and I smile widely, setting the bags down. Alice really outdid herself this time. There are four fresh bouquets of mixed roses around the room, one is on the table which has been set for dinner, another is on the end table, another is on the counter near the kitchen and another is on the table near the king size bed which has rose petals strewn on it. Hmm, that doesn't seem very practical. Then Alice put a banner over the bed that said Happy Birthday Isabella with blue balloons hanging down. And finally at the foot of the bed is a gift bag with a single red rose resting through the handles. I glance at Isabella and she has her hand over her mouth and there are tears on her face.

"Baby, are you okay?" I ask concerned.

She turns to look at me, moving her hand from her mouth. "You did all this for me?"

I smile, "Yes!" I kiss her lightly on her mouth. "But Alice put all this together." I wave my hand around the room, "since you wouldn't let me ditch school today to do it myself."

"Edward, this is…beyond anything I could possibly imagine. No one has ever done anything like this for me." She looks down at the ground, shaking her head slightly.

I pull her into my arms and kiss her. "I told you baby, there isn't anything I wouldn't do for you, nothing I wouldn't give you. You are my world now." And I kiss her again.

* * *

><p><strong>AN… Ah, well what do you think about the start of this weekend? And what about Dr. Masen? I feel sorry for her. I had something similar happen to me. It was a nightmare…LOL…I swear I'm not sure how my daughter ever dated. Of course, I wouldn't want to know THAT much detail about any of my son's sex lives. Can you imagine? All the stuff Bella has told her already, the fact she encouraged Bella to pursue the relationship not realizing it was her son Bella was pursuing. Oh man, talk about TMI! Now this is just the beginning of their weekend rendezvous *sigh* and, aren't you curious about the gift, hehehehehe…. **

**Okay, as always please review; let me know what ya think. Next chapter will be her birthday celebration…YEAH! and I will post NEXT friday, not tomorrow *sorry***


	19. Ch 18: Is this love?

**Rating: M- For lemons (lots of them), language and situations. So this means if you're under 16 please be responsible for yourself.**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer is the sole owner of the world of Twilight. I am just having a little harmless fun with her characters.**

**Once again thank you to my amazing Beta's A & C for your guidance, encouragement & support. Now, don't forget to check out the blog for pictures and the song for this chapter. Holy smokes, the video for "Addicted" is intense! I picked the song because of the lyrics and I like Enrique but I had never seen the video until I decided to use the song. WOW is all I can really say. Check it out.**

**Ah, Edward is quite the romantic now isn't he? And, hmm, their weekend together is just beginning. But how will our Bella respond to all of this?**

* * *

><p>Have I told you how good, it feels to be me, when I'm in you?<br>I can only stay clean, when you are around, don't let me fall  
>If I close my eyes forever, would it ease the pain, could I breathe again?<p>

Baby I'm addicted, I'm out of control  
>But you're the drug that keeps me from dying<br>Baby I'm a liar but all I really know  
>Is you're the only reason I'm trying<p>

I'm wasted away, made a million mistakes  
>Am I to late, there's a storm in my head<br>And it rains on my bed, when you're not here  
>I'm not afraid of dying but I am afraid of losing you<p>

When you're lying next to me, love is flowing through to me  
>Oh it's beautiful, everything is clear to me<br>Till I hit reality and I lose it all

Your the only reason, Yeah your the only reason  
>I'm trying, I'm trying, I'm trying<p>

Addicted by Enrique Iglesias

**Chapter 18: Is this love?**

When he opens the door to the cottage I gasp. Oh my God! What did he do? There are flowers everywhere, in bouquets strategically placed as well as rose petals on the bed. Well that is something I haven't seen before. There is a banner hanging above the huge king sized bed wishing me a happy birthday and at the foot of the bed is a birthday present I would presume. As I glance around I see candles set near the Jacuzzi and a table with wine already chilling. I have never seen anything like this before. It is like something out of some romantic movie. No one has ever cared enough about me to do something like this. I can't stop the tears that are starting to formulate and I instinctively bring my hand to my mouth.

"Baby, are you okay?" his words bring me back to reality.

"You did all this for me?" I say in shock.

He gives me one of his radiant smiles and tells me yes as he kisses me lightly on the mouth.

"But Alice put all this together." He says as he waves his hand around the room, "since you wouldn't let me ditch school today to do it myself."

"Edward, this is…beyond anything I could possibly imagine. No one has ever done anything like this for me." I look down at the ground, shaking my head. Why would he do all of this?

He pulls me into his arms, kissing me again. "I told you baby, there isn't anything I wouldn't do for you, nothing I wouldn't give you. You are my world now."

The tears are flowing as he kisses me. All I know is that I need him and I am scared to death because at this point I'm not sure that I could live without him. The thought of not having him in my world makes me feel like there is no air to actually breathe. But, he doesn't even know me. If he knew who I was, the things I have done. I can't even wrap my head around that. I have been close to death before, James made sure of that but death doesn't really scare me. The only thing that scares me is losing him. I am breathing hard now and trying to process all these new and intense feelings he is eliciting from me.

He pulls away from our kiss and is watching me with compassion and worry as he wipes the tears from my face. This can't be real; I must be in some fantastic dream. I don't know what to do; I just need to feel him, near me, in me. I gently run my hand down his chest and start to pull his shirt up. He lets out a soft breathe before he takes the shirt from my hands and pulls it over his head, keeping his eyes on me. He runs his hand down my face and then along my arm, reaching the hem of my shirt. He pulls it over my head, laying it on the couch near me. He gently runs his hands over my bra and then reaches behind me to unsnap it, pulling it off of me and dropping it on top of the shirt. He continues moving his hands down over my stomach to my waist where he unbuttons my pants and pushes them along with my panties to the ground. I am breathing hard, watching him as he reaches for my hand. He hasn't taken his eyes off of me the entire time and I am lost in them. He picks me up bridal style, walking me to the bed and gently placing me on top of it and at that moment I don't even remember the rose petals.

He continues to watch me as he takes off his pants and boxers and crawls over me on the bed. I can't look at him, his eyes are too intense, and they see everything. I close my eyes trying to get my bearings as he brings his arms near my head and leans in to kiss me, whispering softly against my lips.

"Isabella, you are everything to me."

He places gentle kisses on my lips, my cheeks, and the tip of my nose as well as both of my eye lids. His kisses are so soft that they almost don't feel real, like I am only imagining his lips touching me. How could anything I had with any other man compare to the way he makes me feel? My heart and breathing are steadily increasing as my desire for him mounts. I feel the bed shift and realize that he has moved one of his hands down between us. He lines himself up to me, gently pushing inside as I savor the feeling of us being connected. And I think that this has to be the closest I have ever felt to being truly loved.

He is moving slowly in and out of me, kissing me and moaning my name through erratic breaths. I can't even think straight. My whole body is responding to him, to his touch, his kisses, and the way my name is falling from his lips. Is this what it feels like to be in love? Is love the feeling of not being able to imagine your life without that person in it? We continue to move with one another and I can feel that steady build, aching for release. As he starts moving faster and faster, my need for him overwhelms me and I can't contain my orgasm.

"Edward, Oh God!" I whisper as I clench around him, "Please don't ever leave me." I say as he thrusts into me a few more times, reaching his own climax.

"I'm not going anywhere you won't go." He whispers as he kisses me again. "I can't be without you, Isabella."

We lie in each other's arms kissing and caressing one another. I am running my hands over his exquisite body, tracing the contours of his back as he kisses me tenderly. We continue to lay gentle kisses on each other's lips, jaws, cheeks, everywhere we can possibly touch from the position we are in. We are simply enjoying the feel of our skin and mouths connected to one another. I wonder if he would object to just staying in the cottage the whole weekend? We don't have to go anywhere, do we? We could just stay right here laying in each other's arms. Hmm, that sounds really nice.

Then I have a vague memory that there had been a present on the bed. I didn't notice him move it so I pull away from him slightly and glance to where it was earlier and it is still there. He follows my gaze and smiles.

"Is that for me?" I ask smiling.

"Yes." He says nervously. Hmm, that's odd. Is he worried I won't like it? Hell it could be a new coffee cup and I would like it.

"Can I have it?" I say reaching towards it.

He puts his hand over mine stopping me and then grabs the bag, bringing it to me. "If you don't like it, it's okay. I can get something else. I just…"

I laugh, "Oh quit being silly." Then I look at him seriously, "Edward, I will like whatever you got me."

He moves off of me and then hands me the bag. I pull out a jewelry box. When I open it I see a silver charm bracelet with what looks like seven charms on it. The chain itself is delicate and sterling silver. I run my finger along the charms and smile at the sound they make. I have never received jewelry before. I mean it is rare I receive gifts in the first place, let alone something like this. Then I look at him and he looks worried.

"It's beautiful baby." I say as I gently run my fingers along his jaw.

He then gives me my look and my heart rate immediately accelerates and my breath quickens. He takes the box from my hand and removes the bracelet as he sits up slightly, leaning on his elbow as he lies down on his side. I mimic his stance and smile as he lays the bracelet across the bed in between us so we can both see it.

He moves his finger underneath the charm in the center, gently lifting it up. "This is my heart, that I am giving to you without any hesitation. I will be with you always. I'm not going anywhere." I smile at him and he kisses me lightly before looking back at the bracelet.

He then gently moves the charm to the right of the heart. "This is you, it is a caduceus." I smile at this. He's so silly sometimes. I am doctor; I know what the symbol for medicine is. It's on practically everything at the hospital.

He then lifts the charm to the left of the heart which is a book. "This is me. I figured since we have history with the library and I am getting my masters in English it was fitting." He blushes slightly when he mentions the library; oh yeah, that was definitely fun. "I also liked the idea of me and you on either side of the heart." He says, looking longingly at me.

He runs his finger along my lips and smiles shyly and I can't help but grin. He then looks back at the bracelet and gently lifts the charm next to the book which is a coffee cup. "This is to represent when and where we met, our first time together." He blushes slightly and I grin again as I remember picking him up at the Starbucks. He had no idea what he was in for. Hell, neither did I. Who would have thought that just four weeks later I would be lying literally on a bed of roses with the most beautiful and sensitive man on the planet.

Then he touches the charm next to the caduceus which is a strawberry. "This is to represent our first date at the Waterfront." I smile as I remember us eating the chocolate covered strawberries and the juice dripping from his mouth. Oh my! Shivers scatter across my body just remembering how erotic it was.

He smiles as he touches the charm next to the coffee cup, which looks like a ball. "This is to represent our date at the club. It's supposed to be a disco ball." I giggle at that. Only Edward would put a disco ball on a charm bracelet. But it is amazing to me that he put so much effort into this gift.

Then he touches the final charm next to the strawberry which is a rose. "This is to represent our date at your place. The first time I spent the night with you there." Oh yes, that was the night he told me about Kate but it was also the first time I had ever had a man spend the night with me, as well as the next day. Hmm, the shower was divine.

Finally, I stare at the bracelet and gently run my fingers along the charms. This isn't some random thing that he did. He put a lot of thought into it and the meanings for everything are so special. I smile as he places it on my wrist. I lean over to him and kiss him lightly on the lips.

"I love it Edward. It's beautiful and it will always remind me of you, of us."

He smiles that breathtaking smile of his, "I figure we could pick out one or two charms to represent this weekend. If you want to, that is."

"That sounds like a great idea." I say smiling as I kiss him again.

When we finally pull away from one another I smile and glance at the table. "So, is there a reason the table is set or is that for show?"

He shakes his head slightly, giggling softly. "No, it's not for show. Dinner is ready. I just have to warm it up." He says grinning as he kisses me lightly before getting up, slipping on his boxer briefs. "Come on baby, let's eat." He reaches for me and I take his hand as he helps me out of the bed.

"So what's the deal with the rose petals on the bed?" I say laughing.

"I don't know? That was all Alice's doing; it doesn't seem very practical does it?" He says as he starts wiping off the petals stuck to my back.

I laugh again as I wipe the petals off of him. "Yeah, we better get rid of them or we will have petals in all kinds of places they shouldn't be."

He laughs loudly, "Well we don't want that now do we?"

I walk to my bag and pull out a silk negligee. I had picked it up this past weekend, not knowing exactly where we were going, figuring I couldn't walk around naked where ever we went. It is a Carine Gilson teal silk and satin chemise with this really pretty cream lace-trim on it. It isn't real revealing aside from the fact that it is short, but since he keeps telling me he likes my legs I figured why not emphasize it. When I turn to look at him he is staring at me, I recognize that look of lust in his eyes as I have that same look in mine every time I am near him. I walk over to him and lean up tracing my tongue along his open mouth.

"Do you like it?" I whisper seductively.

He inhales sharply as he wraps his arms around me and kisses me. "Very much so! But I'm not sure how you expect me to focus on anything else."

"I don't." I say as I slip his bottom lip in my mouth, biting on it lightly which elicits a growl from him. He kisses me, slipping his tongue in my mouth and running his hands all over me. Hmm, definitely a good investment. After a few moments he pulls away breathless.

"I better get the food while I am still physically able to pull myself away from you." He smirks at me and walks into the kitchen.

I smile and then walk back to the bed to get rid of the remainder of those goofy rose petals. When I am done I walk into the small kitchen area and lean against one of the counters. Now it's my turn to ogle him as he pulls out plates, warming our food. He is just heavenly walking around in his boxer briefs. The dark contrast between them and his pale skin is breathtaking. His well defined body is like something an artist would sculpt when attempting to display perfection. The muscles on his back, legs, and stomach flex as he moves about the kitchen and wanton desire courses through me. I bring my bottom lip into my mouth and bite down on it lightly, hoping to gain some kind of control over my impulse to just ravage him right now.

He finally gets everything out and sets the table. Every so often during this process I would glance at my bracelet and smile at the tinkling noises it makes when I move it around. It really is exquisite, just like the man who picked it out. We start eating the meal I would assume Alice prepared or at least picked up. It is good, another Italian dish. This time it is Lobster Ravioli with Crabmeat Cream Sauce, with Caesar salad and fresh bread. It is very good and the wine perfectly matches the meal. What is it about this man and Italian food?

"So what's on the agenda for this weekend?" I ask between bites.

"Um, tonight I just figured we would stay here. I haven't seen you in three days and just want to make love to you all night." He smiles shyly. Oh my! That sounds like a good plan to me.

"That sounds like a wonderful idea." I reply, already imagining him naked and wet, hmm, the Jacuzzi is definitely on the agenda for tonight.

"Tomorrow, I thought we could go into town. They have a lot of art museums and there is this rare book store I want to check out." He blushes as he says this last statement. Just cute!

"Well, we can't miss the opportunity to check out a rare book store. That's some kind of blasphemy isn't it?" I say mockingly.

He laughs, "I think it might be." He then gets a serious expression on his face. "Is there anything you want to do while we are here?"

"Aside from making love to you in the Jacuzzi?" I pull my bottom lip into my mouth slightly and look over at him. He closes his eyes and soft breathes are coming out of his parted lips. I smile; I love how I affect him.

Finally I say, "I would like to see the shore. I really miss feeling the sand between my toes. I know we have shores in Seattle but I never go to them. I'm pretty much a beach snob."

He is looking at me thoughtful now. "Of course. We can do whatever you would like."

I smile, "Whatever I like huh?"

He gets up and walks over to me, leaning down to kiss me on the lips, "Whatever you like."

I get up and he pulls me into his arms kissing me, sweeping his tongue in my mouth and making my whole body shiver in response. I run my nails down his back and move my hands over his ass pulling him closer to me. I stop kissing him and rest my head against his bare chest.

"Shall we see if we can get those long legs of yours into that Jacuzzi?" I say as I kiss him lightly on the chest and then circle my tongue around his nipple. He moans in response as his breath hitches.

"I think we can find a way." He says through raspy breaths.

He smiles as he takes my hand and we walk towards the Jacuzzi tub. I start the water and gather the bath supplies. Hmm, Alice left some good stuff. As I get the water going he wanders around looking for a lighter to light the candles near the Jacuzzi. When he finds one he lights the candles and then gets a CD putting it into the player near the bed. When I look at him he smiles shyly, looking towards the ground.

"It's Debussy. Is it okay?" he looks up at me.

I smile. "Of course, it's beautiful, everything about tonight has been."

I watch him as he takes his boxers off and steps inside, moving his legs all the way in and smiling up at me. "I fit fine with plenty of room to spare." He says winking and motioning for me to join him.

I slip off my chemise and step inside, sitting opposite him, smiling as I kick some water at him. He laughs and takes the offending foot in his hand. He starts rubbing the sole of my foot and I swear I just purred.

"Close your eyes baby." He whispers as he continues to rub my foot.

I do as he says and sigh as he takes some type of bath oil and continues to massage first my right foot and then my left. I almost don't hear him when he starts talking.

Love at the lips was touch  
>As sweet as I could bear;<br>And once that seemed too much;  
>I lived on air<p>

That crossed me from sweet things,  
>The flow of - was it musk<br>From hidden grapevine springs  
>Downhill at dusk<p>

Oh God! Is he reciting poetry to me while massaging my feet in a Jacuzzi? He starts working up my legs and is now massaging my calves with the oil in his hands. I feel like I might just melt. The combination of his hands and the sweet whisper of the poem he is reading have me floating on a cloud.

I had the swirl and ache  
>From sprays of honeysuckle<br>That when they're gathered shake  
>Dew on the knuckle<p>

I craved strong sweets, but those  
>Seemed strong when I was young;<br>The petal of the rose  
>It was that stung.<p>

He is now moving up my leg massaging my thighs. He is working his strong and capable hands over me, working towards my center but then moving away before touching me there. I involuntarily arch up to meet him, begging for him to touch me more, to move those hands up just a little bit further.

Now no joy but lacks salt  
>That is not dashed with pain<br>And weariness and fault;  
>I crave the stain<p>

Of tears, the after mark  
>Of almost too much love,<br>The sweet of bitter bark  
>And burning clove<p>

He then starts working back down my leg to massage my calves again. I am barely able to open my eyes but when I do I watch in awe as he touches me, his sweet voice floating across to me. His perfect lips moving and I know that my mouth is now slightly agape. He smiles at me and my heart stops for a minute as I start taking shallow breathes.

When stiff and sore and scarred  
>I take away my hand<br>From leaning on it hard  
>In grass and sand,<p>

The hurt is not enough:  
>I long for weight and strength<br>To feel the earth as rough  
>To all my length<p>

He is now back to working on my feet and when he reaches the end of his poem he smiles again and I can't contain myself. I need to be closer to him. I move my feet and move across the tub so that I can straddle his lap. I kiss him fervently while working my hands in his hair, moaning softly into his mouth.

When I finally come up for air and am able to speak again I say softly to him. "Thank you, baby. You really are perfect aren't you?" He giggles softly at that and I lay my head on his shoulder, "Who were you reading?" I ask as I kiss his neck softly. The hickey I gave him on Monday is still there but has faded. I better contain myself a little better this weekend.

"Robert Frost. It's called To Earthward. There are different interpretations of the poem. Some say it represents how he experienced lustful love when he was younger and how that turned to resentment and bitterness as he aged. While others interpret the poem as saying he believes that all human experiences of love embrace different forms of sensuality and that joy and pain are always mixed. While there are others who tend to interpret the poem as a contrast between the pleasures of youth and the more spiritual passions of maturity. I don't know, it's all relative I suppose since he didn't write an interpretation before he died, saying _hey this is what I meant_." He sort of chuckles as he says this last part which in turn makes me giggle.

I smile against his shoulder. It serves me right for asking someone who is getting their Masters in English, about a poem. I think I like the second interpretation though, joy and pain are definitely ALWAYS mixed. Well, at least for me they are.

"Hmm, I see. Well, Mr. Cullen, that was a little more detailed that I was looking for." I giggle against him.

He splashes some water on me laughing. "Be good!"

I smile and start kissing up his neck, pulling his earlobe into my mouth, sucking on it lightly. He closes his eyes, moaning. I move my tongue along the edge of his ear and then trace along his jaw, moving to his lips where I whisper "I am always good, baby." And then kiss him on the lips.

He opens his mouth to me and our tongues intertwine with one another. I reach down between us and begin stroking his already hard cock, running my thumb across his head every time I come up his length. After a few minutes I move on top of him, easing onto him. Once our hips are touching I stay still for a moment, just savoring the fullness, as he runs his hands up and down my back before finally resting them on my hips. He kisses me and I start moving up and down on him as we moan into each other's mouths. We are moving together, the sprays from the tub hitting us and adding to our pleasure. We are gradually increasing our pace as we get closer and closer to our release. The water is now splashing out of the tub the faster we move as we chase our climax.

"Oh Baby, I am so close." I say between ragged breathes.

He leans me back supporting me with his strong arms as he places his mouth around my nipple, sucking and pulling on it and my whole body arches as I tremble and clench around him. He groans against my nipple, sending shivers through me as I feel him release inside of me. He pulls me back up and holds me close to him. He is running his hands in my hair and I move my head so that I can kiss him. We kiss for a few minutes before he pulls away from me. He takes a deep breath as he looks me in the eyes, running his fingers down my cheek.

"Isabella, I love you." He whispers and I freeze. "You don't have to say it back. I just couldn't go another day without telling you."

I put my head down, breathing hard, not looking at him. "You don't know me." I say barely above a whisper. He moves his hand below my chin forcing me to look at him.

"Baby, I love you." He says firmly.

I shake my head and try to move off of him but he stops me, holding me in place, then putting his hands on my face, making me look into his intense green eyes.

"I love you." He says again as he runs his fingers under my eyes, wiping the tears away. I continue to stare at him, not knowing what to say or do.

"I love you." He says again tenderly as he kisses me lightly on the lips.

I open my mouth to him, letting him enter and deepen the kiss. Can he really love me? How could he? He doesn't even know how fucked up I really am. What was it Masen said?

_What would you do if he told you he loved you? Would you accept his love or would you run from it?_

I sigh because I can't accept it but I can't run from it either. I need him. Is my needing him as much as I do the same thing as love? I don't know. But the reality is I am just selfish. That's the reason I haven't told him about myself. How could I expect someone as kind and sensitive as him to be with someone like me? I mean it was only a few months ago that I had a threesome with Riley and Alec, and just a month ago that I fucked Edward, Jake & Mike within a few days of each other. Fuck! I just can't think about this right now. It's too much. I will have to tell him soon, but not this weekend. This weekend I want to pretend that I am worthy of his love. This weekend I want to believe that it is possible.

"Baby?" I didn't even realize he had stopped kissing me.

I finally pull off of him and move so that I can turn around and sit between his legs, resting my back against his chest, laying my head against him. He wraps his arms around me and nuzzles into my hair. I gently run my fingers along his arms, caressing him softly. I know I hurt him, I can feel it seeping through him.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything." He says quietly into my hair.

"It's okay, baby. I just…" I sigh as I run my fingers along his fingers, entwining them with his. "No one has ever said they loved me, aside from my father. I…" I stumble trying to find the right words. "I was just surprised."

He nods against me and just holds me. We sit in the tub for a long time just letting the jet sprays massage our bodies and ease the tension between us. Too bad it can't do anything for my soul. Finally I ask if he wants to get out and he says yes. As we get out he gets a towel and starts drying me off, resting the towel around my shoulders. He then grabs another towel and begins to dry himself off. When he is done he sets the towel down and walks to the bed getting underneath the covers. He is definitely upset. I can tell and it makes my heart ache. I won't ruin this weekend for us. I need to get my shit together. I remember seeing some of those chocolate strawberries he likes in the fridge. Take action Swan!

He watches as I go to the fridge getting the tray out and bringing it to the bed. He can't help but grin at me when I bring one to his mouth. When he bites into it the juice goes everywhere and I lean down kissing him, licking the strawberry juice from his lips as he lets out a soft moan. When I am convinced that I have gotten all the juice from around his luscious mouth I pull away slightly.

"Should we share these?" I whisper in my best seductive voice.

He gives me that full 100 mega watt smile of his and I know everything is okay, at least for now. He takes a strawberry from the tray and proceeds to feed it to me. Doing as I did when the juice drips from my mouth. After feeding each other a few strawberries he has me lie down on my back as he takes another strawberry and runs it between my breasts and around each of my nipples. It is cold and it leaves a trail of chocolate in its wake. Then he bites down on it, chewing the piece in his mouth and placing the remainder on my body as he traces the trail the chocolate left. He smiles at me and places the rest of the strawberry in my mouth as he moves his own mouth to the beginning of the trail he has made. Oh God! My body trembles in anticipation of his mouth on my breasts and nipples.

As he places his mouth on my right nipple, I immediately move my hands into his now very messy hair. After thoroughly licking and sucking all the chocolate and strawberry juice off of my right breast and nipple he moves to my left one. He repeats this same procedure with my left breast, going back and forth between them, sucking and licking until my body is in overload. By the time he starts tugging on my nipple ring, I am moaning loudly, unable to contain my desire for him and I feel myself building again.

He then starts moving his mouth down my stomach circling his tongue in and around my belly button. I continue to mewl as he works his mouth down, circling my clit with his tongue before bringing his mouth down on me. He slips his fingers inside and I arch to meet them. He continues to move them in and out of me while sucking and licking my clit until my desire overwhelms me and I clench around his fingers. He hums against me sending sweet and torturous tremors throughout my body.

"I want you Isabella." He says as he moves above me, kissing me fiercely.

As he kisses me he rolls on his back and pulls me on top of him, never breaking our kiss. I pull away from his mouth and begin moving down his chest, running my tongue down him until I reach his cock, placing his head in my mouth, sucking on just his head while I sweep my tongue across his tip. I continue to do this as I stroke him with one hand and cup his balls with my other. He is writhing underneath me, moaning as pleasure surges through him. I know he is close by the way his body is responding to me, so when he stops me I am confused.

He is breathing hard, "Bella I need to be in you."

I need you in me as well, I think to myself as I move on top of him and place his throbbing cock at my entrance, sliding down on him slowly, letting him feel every part of me as he fills me completely. He lets out a deep breath as I move up and down on him.

"Touch yourself, Isabella." He says hoarsely as he shifts his hips up to meet my movements.

I close my eyes and run my hands over my breasts, teasing my nipples, as I hear him moan in response. I move my hands down over my stomach until my fingers from one hand moves over my clit. I stroke myself slowly, making sure he can see what I am doing. I then move my other hand to where we are connected, touching us both, gently stroking his balls before moving back to where he is entering me. I gently wrap my hand around him and stroke him in unison with my movements. He is breathing hard as we start moving quickly, both of us close to the edge. I move my hands back up to my breasts and begin teasing my nipples again, throwing my head back in pleasure as he moans my name. It doesn't take long for me to clench around him, igniting his own release.

I fall to his chest, breathing hard, as his hands gently caress my back. I pull off of him and lay next to him, my head against his chest. We lay there for a long time, until our breathing settles and I gently kiss his chest. I know he is tired and I can tell that he is close to sleep by the slow rhythm of his heart and his steady breaths.

"Goodnight, baby." I whisper against his chest.

"Goodnight, my love." He says softly, gently caressing my hair.

I pull the covers over us and after about 30 minutes he is fast asleep, his body completely exhausted. I sit up slightly so I can watch him. He has a serious expression on his face and I can see his eyes fluttering underneath his eye lids so I know he is dreaming. I watch his expression change and he is smiling in his sleep, then he whispers "I love you". I sigh and run my fingers gently down his jaw and over his plump lips.

I let out a soft breath and lay back down, wrapping myself around him, quickly drifting to sleep with the stark realization that, without a doubt, I am completely and irrevocably in love with Edward Cullen.

* * *

><p><strong>AN….. Ah, well Bella is sort of all over the place in this chapter, I know, what's new? But in her defense Edward has the tendency to bring that out in her. Big day tomorrow so I hope they get their rest. Okay, as always, let me know what you think.**


	20. Ch 19: A beautiful day

**Rating: M- For lemons (lots of them), language and situations. So this means if you're under 16 please be responsible for yourself.**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer is the sole owner of the world of Twilight. I am just having a little harmless fun with her characters.**

**Once again thank you to my amazing Beta's A & C for your guidance, encouragement & support. You girls make this story so fun to do...Is it Friday already? LOL, No but you know how I am, I want to give you their weekend together, well, together so I am posting Saturday today and I will post Sunday tomorrow. Now, don't forget to check out the blog for pictures and the song for this chapter. Okay, now don't tease me about my song choice. My only defense is I have an 8 year old daughter so I know EVERY song this chick sings and I really like this one and gosh darn it, it FITS what Bella is feeling right now….LOL**

**Okay, a lot happened in our last chapter. It felt like an emotional roller coaster. Poor Bella was so confused and poor Edward was at a loss. Bella didn't respond the way he thought she would *sigh* So, Hmm, what's in store for these two today?**

* * *

><p>Everybody needs inspiration, everybody needs a song<br>A beautiful melody, when the night's so long  
>Cause there is no guarantee that this life is easy<p>

Yeah, when my world is falling apart  
>When there's no light to break up the dark<br>That's when I, I, I look at you  
>When the waves are flooding the shores<br>And I can't find my home anymore  
>That's when I, I, I look at you<p>

When I look at you, I see forgiveness, I see the truth  
>You love me for who I am like the stars hold the moon<br>Right there where they belong and I know I'm not alone

When I Look At You by Miley Cyrus

**Chapter 19: A Beautiful Day**

I wake up and look at the clock; it's almost 10:00 a.m. and he is still sleeping. I get out of bed and head to the bathroom and when I come back he is laying on his stomach, his hair a wild mess and the blankets are resting just barely above his ass. God he has a magnificent back. I smile and slip into the bed again climbing on top of his back, resting my body against his, eliciting a soft moan from him. I kiss him between his shoulder blades and then sit down on his lower back just above his ass. I start moving my hands up and down his back, gently massaging him and I feel him sigh underneath me as I work my hands into his tight muscles. His body visibly relaxes as I massage his glorious back all the while trying to contain my own desire for him. I work my hands back up to his shoulders and then bring them into his sexy hair, messing it up even more, which makes him giggle into the pillows he is holding onto.

"Wake up, Baby." I say as I lean down, kissing the back of his neck, then pulling his earlobe into my mouth, sucking on it lightly.

"I am awake." he moans softly.

I sit back up and start moving my hands back down his back, slipping my fingers along his sides, when he twitches out of my way. I smile and giggle. Oh Hell Yeah!

"Are you ticklish baby?" I say as I continue to move my fingers along where I got the response initially and he starts laughing trying to knock me off of him. I start laughing and continue my assault until his strength finally wins out and he flips me on my back, pinning me down.

I continue laughing, "Hmm, I am going to have to make a mental note of that particular spot for future reference."

He kisses me hard and then looks at me seriously, "No, You will forget about that spot immediately." He says but he is unable to hold the serious expression for very long as his mouth quirks up into a smile.

"Oh there is no way in hell I am forgetting that spot." I smirk at him.

"Hmm." He leans down and starts kissing me. "Is there anything I can do that might convince you to forget?" He starts kissing down my neck, sucking lightly as he goes.

I moan immediately at the feel of his mouth on me, "Well, if you fuck me this instant I will consider temporarily forgetting." I whisper through raspy breathes.

He moans against my neck and then turns me over; pulling me into position so he can enter me from behind. He nudges my legs apart and pushes into me hard letting out a soft grunt as he enters.

"So you want me to fuck you, huh?" he says against my ear as he pushes in and out of me fast. I moan in response. Oh, God! He feels so good.

"Fuck! Yes, Edward, Oh God, don't stop." I say breathlessly.

I reach for something to hold onto but find nothing but pillows, which doesn't exactly help my cause. Oh shit! I need some leverage here if he is going to continue at this pace. He brings his arm down across my back and rests it across my shoulders basically holding me in place as he pushes in and out of me rigorously.

"Do you like it when I fuck you Isabella?" he says through ragged breathes.

"Yes, fuck me harder!" I grunt out to him.

He moans as he pushes into me, his arm preventing me from moving. Our breathing is labored and I can feel myself close to the edge. He continues pounding into me as he runs his free hand underneath me to fondle my breast and pull on my nipple ring before reaching down to stroke my clit. Oh God! I like it when he can't control himself, when he really let's go. He is loudly groaning and grunting every time he enters me which makes my desire escalate tenfold causing me to scream into the pillows underneath me. Finally he moves his arm from my shoulder and reaches for my hips using both of his hands to push me back into him. I can feel sweat dripping from him as he lays his forehead between my shoulder blades and starts kissing me there, eventually moving his mouth to the top of my shoulder near the base of my neck, he starts sucking my flesh into his mouth and the sensation is too much for me as pleasure overtakes me. He pushes at my clit as he pulls me back into him again and my whole body explodes around him. All I can hear is our ragged breathing and Edwards moans as he comes hard within me.

Holy shit! I am going to have to tickle him more often if I am going to get this kind of response from him. He pulls out of me quickly and falls on his back taking me with him as he tries to steady his breathing.

"Did I hurt you?" he asks concerned.

Is he serious? "Of course not baby, that was amazing. As much as I like having you make love to me, I really like it when you fuck me." God, I hope that makes sense to him.

"If I hurt you, would you tell me?" he asks softly.

Oh, for crying out loud. I move so I can look at him. "Baby, I like rough sex, I am also a bit of an exhibitionist which I am sure you have figured out already," he sort of shrugs yes to that last remark and gives me a small smile, "but I know you don't like that as much, so I try to restrain myself. But you can be certain that I will tell you to stop if I don't like something you are doing." I don't bother to add the second piece that crossed my mind which was, _the only way you could ever hurt me is to leave_.

He takes in my serious expression and just nods his understanding. I lean down and kiss him. I wish he wouldn't feel bad when he expresses his sexual desire with me. I wish I could make him understand that I like it when he is forceful. We lay in bed for a long time, just kissing before we finally pull away from each other.

I sigh, "Baby, I seriously need some coffee. I saw a pot. Please tell me that Alice left the makings for coffee?" I look at him desperately.

He smiles at my seriousness and chuckles lightly. "Yes, there is everything for coffee."

"Oh, thank God!" I say as I slip out of bed, desperate for my morning fix. I already got my Edward fix, now I need to feed my caffeine addiction.

I put on my chemise again and go about to make some coffee while he goes into the bathroom. Man, Alice hooked me up. She left me whole coffee beans with a top of the line grinder, and not just any coffee beans, Starbucks coffee beans, and not just any, but Gold Coast which is one of my favorites. How could she possibly know that?

When he comes out of the bathroom he slips on some shorts and a t-shirt and goes to the fridge. He starts pulling out some muffins, then goes into the cupboard, grabbing some coffee cups for us. He suggests we eat outside on the patio which is okay with me. I throw on my matching robe, grab my coffee and a muffin and we head outside.

It's really pretty out here. There are flowers and trees everywhere. I can see other cottages nearby but not too close. Geez, I wonder if they heard us and smile at the thought. Well, if they did, at least they were entertained. We sit on the wicker couch outside our cottage and pull the table closer so we can set our food and coffee down. He puts his arm around me and kisses me sweetly.

"This is really nice. Thank you for doing all of this for me." I say looking into his deep green eyes.

"You're welcome. Thank you for saying yes." He says and kisses me again.

We deepen our kiss as we feel the cool breeze blow through our hair and hear the birds singing nearby. This place is really something. And this just feels so normal, to be in his arms, feeling his mouth on mine. Last night he told me he loved me and my heart tells me he speaks the truth. This is all so much to take in. We continue kissing, running our hands into each other's hair and enjoying being with one another. Hmm, If he keeps this up we are going to be doing it on this little wicker couch. Not that I would care if the neighbors see us but he might. He pulls away slightly and smiles at me as he kisses my forehead.

"Good morning." A voice says startling us.

We turn to see an older woman, smiling at us. Where the hell did she come from?

"It's going to be a beautiful day today." She says cheerily and I think of Alice immediately and just grin. That will be Alice in 30 years.

"I believe so." Edward says softly, grinning before nuzzling into my hair. I hear the woman giggle and then sigh. Did this grown woman just giggle at MY Edward? What the hell? Doesn't she have a husband or something? Shit, he's like half her age, maybe more. Then I just grin thinking how my baby just brings that out in people. I guess his charm knows no bounds.

"Have a beautiful day you two." She says as she walks away.

Oh, I plan on doing just that with this exceptional man sitting beside me. I have decided that I am going to take full advantage of happiness while it is here because I know it never lasts.

* * *

><p>After showering, unfortunately this shower is not big enough for the two of us; we got ready to head into town. He said to be casual so that is just what I was, some jeans and a t-shirt, with my purple chucks. Yeah, I know I am 30, but comfortable is comfortable. Now, Edward looked absolutely fuck-able in his jeans and black t-shirt with his Mariners cap on. He smiles at me when he sees me putting on my bracelet and I wink at him. Hmm, staying here is becoming more of an option for me. But alas, Edward has other things on the agenda. We drive into town because we weren't sure how far everything was but it turned out we could have just walked since it's so close.<p>

This town looks like some old seafarer village. The buildings are nice but not modern; there are shops along the main road and vendors selling local arts and crafts. We find the book store he wanted to go to fairly easily and hold hands as we browse the shelves. Then he sees someone that looks like they might be the owner and he tells me he will be right back. Now, I don't know much about books but can tell some of these are collectables, maybe first or second editions. Now I see why it is considered a rare book store. I start perusing various stacks of books, not really looking for anything in particular when I find something that I think Edward will like. I look up for him. When he sees me he smiles and I wave for him to come back over.

"Hey babe, Isn't your thesis on Hemingway and Fitzgerald?" I think that's what he said before.

He nods as he walks up to me, "Yeah, I am looking at Hemingway, Fitzgerald and Hawthorne. Why?" he asks curiously.

"Check this out." I hand him the book I was looking at and he gasps. He mother fucking gasps and looks up at me like I found the cure for cancer or something.

"I have been looking for this book. Our library didn't have it. I've read a few chapters here and there from online sources but…" He gently runs his hands across the cover and then opens it up flipping through the pages, letting his fingers run down the pages as he lets out a soft breath.

I watch him admire this book and am not so sure what the deal is about it but obviously it is something he wants and hell, after last night I want to do something special for him. I take the book from his hand and smile. "Well, I am going to get this for you." When I see him shake his head I frown. "Don't even try to stop me Mr. Cullen. I want to do this and you know I am stubborn and always get what I want." Okay, well that last part isn't true but still.

He smiles at me and I know I don't give a shit how much this damn book costs. It is well worth it to see the look he is giving me right now. He then pulls me into his arms and kisses me fervently as the owner walks away, giving us some privacy.

After we leave the store, he is happily swinging the bag that is holding his book in his right hand as he holds my hand in his left. He is just giddy as we walk along the sidewalk towards the waterfront.

"You know they were sort of best friends and travelled together a lot, had some of the same adventures so to speak. But in the end I think their friendship was strained by success and petty jealousies." He says casually.

I look at him and just smile, "You know, for someone who is so very optimistic you sure do like depressing authors. I mean wasn't Hemingway a drunk who lost the woman he loved and didn't he have some kind of death wish and I think I read somewhere that Frost suffered from depression and…" he cuts me off with his laugh.

"Isabella. They were ALL depressed. They lived during "The Depression" and wrote during a time where they could be persecuted for their beliefs. They all drank way too much and endured a lot of traumas due to war, diseases, suicide and stuff like that." He sighs for a minute before continuing. "I like reading these guys because they're not like today's writers that just spell everything out for their readers. These authors made you work for understanding. I like that, it's challenging. And, I don't know. I guess I am drawn to it." Then he chuckles. "My mom told me I was a magnet for troubled souls so I guess that applies to my authors as well." He shakes his head grinning and then brings my hand to his lips, kissing it softly.

Magnet for troubled souls is right. Kate was definitely not in her right mind and well, I am pretty fucked up too. He talks about these writers in such a romanticized way which is kind of weird. I mean all these authors he likes lost their wives or the women they loved; they all suffered a great deal, they all could have used some Prozac and they most definitely all could have used some AA meetings. God! I'd hate for that to be Edward.

"Well, that is some explanation Mr. Cullen." He smiles as I say Mr. Cullen. "Do you think you will pursue your doctorate? It sounds like you would be a great professor or something. You have a lot of passion for the subject."

He laughs. "Oh, I don't know. I am definitely taking a year off but will most likely apply for graduate school after that. I like the idea of teaching and possibly writing." I smile. I knew he wanted to be a writer. Most English majors do.

We stop at a sidewalk stand and grab something quick to eat. He made reservations for tonight at 6:00 which isn't that far away so neither of us wants to eat anything heavy. We continue walking towards the shore, looking around at the various shops and these statues that they have all over the place. He is driving me nuts though with his phone, taking pictures of me, of us. He did that at the cottage earlier as well, before we left. I shake my head at him and there he goes, snapping another one, laughing. Suddenly we both stop as we come across these huge Totem Poles. There are two of them that separate a set of stairs that lead down to the shore. Holy Shit! I mean, I have been in Washington the last few years and lived in Forks when I was younger but I have only seen pictures of Totem Poles. My God! They are magnificent.

We look at each other and smile as we approach them. I hesitate at first but then run my hands along one. It is made from wood and looks like three animals. I know they are supposed to mean something but I am not sure what. Edward is behind me and also touching it as he gently kisses the top of my head.

"They mean different things." A voice says from behind us.

Geez, what is wrong with me. I am usually VERY aware of my surroundings but damn. He is the second person to sneak up on me today. Edward and I both turn to look at him. He is an older gentleman that I think I saw sitting on the bench when we came up. He must be local but he doesn't really look Native. I mean I guess I don't really know if he is. The only Native people I know are Jake and Leah.

"The Thunderbird is on top. It is the primary totem symbol. It is said to be intelligent and powerful, but also wrathful so you wouldn't want to make it angry." He says knowingly.

Edward whispers in my ear, "I think that is you." And I sigh.

The man continues to tell us about the meaning of various totems saying that they often depict clan lineages or historical events and sometimes are erected to shame people. Geez, that's kind of harsh, but in a sick way I'd like to see one of those. He said the meanings are different for different tribes. He went on to explain that the Raven was considered a trickster and was always hungry, compulsive and corrupt. Hmm, I know a few people that fit that description, and Kolus, who was the Thunderbirds brother, was always trying to prove himself, never feeling good enough, he would try to prove his worth by flying close to the sun. Hmm, that's seems more like me than the Thunderbird.

We smile and thank him for talking to us and then he asks if we want our picture taken. We smile and Edward hands him his phone. He takes a couple of shots and then tells us to enjoy the beautiful day. We take the steps down to the shore and when we reach the bottom step I sit down and take off my shoes and roll up my jeans. Edward is leaning against the railing of the stairs smiling at me.

"What?" I ask. "How else are we going to walk on the shore?"

He leans down and does the same thing as me. We place our shoes near a rock by the stairs and he cautiously puts his book underneath our shoes in an attempt to hide it. Just cute! He then takes my hand as we walk towards the water. It is really pretty here and we both start laughing as the water hits our feet and is very cold. Oh yeah! Washington in late September is definitely NOT Florida or Southern California. We quickly move up a little, running from the water trying to reach us. The whole time Edward is laughing and I swear his laugh is like some kind of aphrodisiac making we want him desperately. They should seriously bottle it. When we get far enough away from the wickedly cold water we begin to walk along the shore. He pulls out his phone again and starts taking pictures of me. I laugh and then snatch it from him and start snapping his picture. God, he is stunning with the water as a backdrop.

Okay, now I really feel like I am in some romantic movie or something. Walking on the shore, holding hands with the most beautiful man I have ever seen. A man who just professed to love me not even 24 hours ago. I just keep waiting for the asshole to jump out and cause a ruckus. Then I remember my encounter with Riley at the U on Monday and realize the asshole already jumped out. Fuck!

"What are you thinking about?" Edward asks bringing me out of my misery.

"Uh, just that it feels like I stepped into some romantic movie." I smile, hoping that my smile is hiding the concern I feel.

"A romantic movie huh? Well, there could be worse things you know." He smiles and nudges me slightly, "We could be in a horror movie with some crazy guy chasing us with a hack saw, or something nefarious could be after us, or we could be in an action flick with some cataclysmic event ready to send us to our demise, or..."

I cut him off laughing, "Okay, okay, I get it. Did I say you were an optimist? Maybe I need to change that assessment." I say nudging him back.

He laughs as he grabs me, pulling me into his arms and kissing me, pulling my lip into his mouth, begging me to let him in. I do and we deepen the kiss as we run our hands along each other's backs, forgetting about the world around us and hearing only the waves hitting the shore and the birds flying above. When we break our kiss he is looking at me with hooded eyes and I want him in the worst way.

"Let's head back." He says hoarsely.

"Definitely."

We walk back to where we started and quickly dust the sand off of our feet laughing at ourselves for not thinking to grab a towel or something to wipe our feet off with. I start to race him up the stairs but he catches me and pulls me down on them, dropping his book next to my head as he moves on top of me and kisses me fiercely. Oh man, he better quit before I fuck him right here. He spreads my legs and grinds his erection on me, running his hand under my shirt and into my bra, teasing my nipple. I moan into his mouth and arch my hips to him as we start grinding against one another. He moves his hand from my bra and moves it down to my pants; he starts unbuttoning my jeans and slips his hand inside. Groaning when he feels how wet I am for him.

"God, I want to be inside you so bad right now." He says between kisses.

Oh God! Wrong thing to say Mr. Cullen! My mind starts racing, trying to remember where people were and if this is private enough for him. Fuck! I am sure it isn't but that doesn't mean we can't please one another. I slip my hand between us and quickly unbutton his pants moving my hand around his throbbing cock. Man, he is so ready to come and I have barely touched him. His breathing picks up and he is panting against me as I stroke him faster, I move my other hand into his hair pulling his mouth as close to me as physically possible. He starts moving his own hand in time with my movements as we work quickly to offer each other some release. He is close now. I can feel him pulsing in my hand so I run my thumb across his tip moving it back and forth several times.

"Oh God! Bella. I'm…" He grunts as I feel him come into my hand.

I try to contain it as best as I can so that it isn't all over his clothes but he still gets some on his shirt as well as mine. I take my hand and wipe it against the steps getting as much off of me as I can. Shit! I would have preferred he came inside me or my mouth but that wasn't an option. He is still breathing hard and I arch into him slightly, reminding him that he isn't done. He starts kissing me again as he begins moving his fingers against my clit working me into a frenzy of ecstasy until I find my own release and am temporarily satisfied.

We lay there for a few minutes breathing hard, coming down from our post coital high. We hear movement at the top of the stairs and he quickly puts himself together as I button my pants and fix my shirt. A young couple walks past us, smiling knowingly. The guy gives Edward that standard guy nod that says _way to go_. And I just grin because I bet they will be here after we leave.

He kisses me softly, "We should go back to the cottage to change before dinner."

"Well, I was trying to go back to the cottage but someone couldn't wait." I smirk at him.

He kisses me again before speaking, "I thought you were an exhibitionist. Are you telling me you didn't like that?" he grins at me.

I smile widely at him "Oh, baby. I held back. I was ready to fuck you right here."

He laughs. "Hmm, well I am not sure I am ready for that."

I smile and sit up. "I didn't think so." I say and kiss him softly on his lips, "But thanks for the gesture."

He laughs even harder and kisses me again, laying me back down. We lay there just kissing and touching one another until we hear movement again at the top of the stairs and decide that the stairs have now outlived their usefulness. So we straighten ourselves out and Edward picks up his book as we walk the rest of the way up.

* * *

><p>After we arrived at the cottage we didn't have much time left before our reservation so we will need to wait until we get back before we can make love. We had both decided to shower since we had sand on our legs and feet and well, were somewhat messy from our excursion on the stairs.<p>

I had already changed into a short purple dress that flowed around my knees, along with some cream colored heels. I am putting on my bracelet when he walks out of the bathroom. He is breathtaking in a pair of black dress slacks and a crisp white shirt. He has the first couple of buttons unbuttoned and has actually tamed his glorious hair. I grin and think, oh, I am seriously going to mess that up before the night is over. I smile at him and he walks over to me, pulling me into his arms, moving my chin up.

"You are so beautiful." He whispers.

"So are you." I can barely speak, my breathing has become shallow and my heart feels like it is beating out of my chest.

"We should leave." He says kissing me.

"Hmm, if we must." I say as I close my eyes, resting my head against his chest.

He kisses the top of my head and then steps away from me, taking my hand in his. It doesn't take very long to get to the restaurant which is good. The sooner we get there the sooner we can get back. This man is just too yummy right now for me to share with other people.

The Inn at Langley is a very nice restaurant. It is not nearly as fancy as the Six Seven but it is quaint and charming. The grounds itself are surrounded by flowers and well sculptured trees and bushes. In addition, there is a huge pond shaped like an arrow with pebbles at the bottom that are illuminated by different colored lights under the water. It looks like people have tossed coins in it. I smile, that reminds me of our first date. He must think the same thing because he grins at me and then kisses me lightly on the lips.

"Maybe we will need to make a wish again." I say to him with a smile.

He kisses me again and then whispers, "You are already my wish."

I smirk at him, "Maybe you should aim a little higher." I say sarcastically.

"Isabella." He scolds, "There isn't anyone else I would rather spend my time with. I thought we established already that I love you." He tenses when he says the last part and looks to the ground. I am sure it is in anticipation of my reaction considering I didn't react so well the other night.

I sigh. "I'm sorry about the way I acted last night when you said that. I know you love me." He looks up at me and I stare into his intense green eyes, "I'm just not sure why. It really confuses me."

He looks back down, shaking his head slightly, when he looks back up he is hesitant. "Do you love me?" he whispers.

I feel like I have been punched in the gut. I sit down on the ledge to the pond and put my head down, moving my hands into my hair, trying to catch my breath. How do I answer that? Hell, I don't know what love is. I am pretty sure that what I feel for him is love but can I really tell him that. Can I put myself out there? My heart feels like it is going to beat out of my chest.

He kneels in front of me, resting his hands on my knees and I am calmer immediately. He smiles softly at me as he wipes under my eyes. Then he looks at me, I mean really looks at me, and it feels like he is penetrating my soul.

"Yes." I say barely above a whisper. Geez, I can barely recognize my own voice. I clear my throat and run my fingers down his face, running my thumb over his now parted lips.

"I love you." I say looking deeply into his eyes and knowing that in that moment my life has forever been changed.

* * *

><p><strong>AN…. Ahhhhhhh…. So, she said the big words. Words she has never said before, words she never thought she would ever say. Hmm, that is a VERY big step for her. Okay, next chapter will be EPOV cause aren't you just dying to know what Edward is thinking? (I know you are, Sara...LOL). We will conclude the rest of the weekend in the next chapter. *sigh* I am going to be sad when they have to go back to reality…LOL… okay, as always let me know what ya think.**


	21. Ch 20: I need you

**Rating: M- For lemons (lots of them), language and situations. So this means if you're under 16 please be responsible for yourself.**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer is the sole owner of the world of Twilight. I am just having a little harmless fun with her characters.**

**Once again thank you to my amazing Beta's A & C for your guidance, encouragement & support. You make this journey amazing! Now, don't forget to check out the blog for pictures and the song for this chapter. Now this is an old school R & B song (okay, its 2011 so does early 90's count as old school?) that I forgot all about until Amanda suggested I check him out. Damn! Cool song that I think says it all for Edward. Plus the video is classic 90's (pit bulls, SUV'S, crazy outfits, and the suits... LOL!).**

**So our Bella said the big words. Edward seemed a bit shell shocked at the end of the last chapter so let's see where he's at now.**

* * *

><p>Who was there for you when you needed a real man to hold?<br>And who was there for you when you needed a shoulder to cry on?  
>Through all the men you supposedly have loved<br>I'm the only man that stayed by your side  
>I promise you baby 'till the day I die<p>

Whenever you need me I'll be there  
>When you need me oh, when you need me<br>I'll be right there

Before you go to sleep don't forget to say a prayer  
>Say a prayer to the Lord above that he would keep us near<br>Cause true love is hard to find, so baby, let's not waste no more time  
>Only God knows how much I really love you<p>

I don't want nobody else but you, baby  
>When you need me I'll be right by your side<br>When you need me I will be there before you can call me  
>When you need me you don't have to worry or cry<br>Cause when you need me I will be there

When You Need Me by Aaron Hall

**Chapter 20: I need you**

EPOV

"Do you love me?" I ask her hesitantly.

She sits down on the ledge of the pond and puts her head down, moving her hands into her hair. She looks like she is hyperventilating. Shit! I shouldn't have said anything. We had such a wonderful day. When she bought me that book, I was beyond ecstatic. It was $150, that's a lot for a book, but I had the money and was planning on getting it. I was actually asking the owner where to find it when she found it. What are the odds of that? Then walking on the shore was beyond anything I could imagine and the stairs. Damn! I've never had a girl jerk me off before, let alone do it in public. I mean it's not like I am inexperienced sexually but it's just not something that has ever happened. Kate certainly didn't do things like that and well high school was interesting for me and college has been more about getting straight to the act itself.

But now I look at her and am just sad that this is so hard for her. She had said no one had ever told her they loved her except for her dad. That can't be right. Can it? I mean, is she saying not even her mom ever said she loved her? My mom says it all the time, probably more than she needs to. I kneel in front of her and place my hands on her knees. I need to look at her. I need to make sure everything is okay. I don't care if she doesn't love me. It doesn't matter. When she looks at me she has tears in her eyes and I know I caused that. I smile at her, hoping I can ease her pain, as I wipe the tears from under her eyes. I don't know how I can show her how much I love her and need her. I don't want her to hurt; I just want to make her happy.

I barely hear her speak the word, "Yes."

I gasp, did she just say yes? I feel like the world stopped spinning as she touches me, gently running her fingers down my face and over my lips. She clears her throat and looks me in the eyes before whispering the words I have been waiting for since we met.

"I love you."

I can't stop the smile that spreads across my face as I take her face in my hands kissing her. She opens her mouth slightly and I take advantage and deepen the kiss. She moves her hands into my hair as she pulls me closer to her. At this point I don't want to eat; all I want to do is go back to the cottage. I need her so much. I just can't break away from her. My head says I need to stop but it's like she has some magnetic force around her that draws me in. At some point we both come up for air and I pull her into my arms.

"Edward?" She whispers against me

I run my hands up and down her back. "Yes?"

"I'm sorry I am such a basket case. I really wish I knew how to do this right." She mumbles into my chest.

I sigh. "Baby, there isn't any right or wrong way to do this." I kiss the top of her head.

She sighs and then says, "We better go inside or they might give our reservation away." Then she snickers, "I mean there is a crowd forming."

I giggle into her hair, "You're such a smart ass, Isabella Swan."

She laughs and it is the most wonderful sound I have ever heard. I help her up and we hold hands as we walk up to the restaurant. When we reach the maître d he smiles at us.

"Reservation for Mr. Cullen" I say.

He leads us to our table. I had asked if they had a table that was out of the way so we could have some privacy. He leads us to a table near a fireplace that is already going and Bella smiles as we sit down.

"This is perfect Edward." She says grinning.

"You are perfect." I say as I lean across the table to lightly kiss her on the lips.

The waiter comes to our table and I order their best wine, smiling at Isabella who is looking at the fire and playing with the bracelet I got her. Man, this has been a phenomenal weekend so far. I can't believe she said she loved me. She is everything I could ever want in woman. She is beautiful, smart, witty and independent. I know that she is troubled, that she has secrets she hasn't disclosed yet. I just have to make sure she knows she can confide in me, that I won't overreact to anything she tells me. She turns to look at me and I can't help but grin at her.

"What were you thinking about?" she asks.

I smile, "Just how lucky I am that I walked into that Starbucks." I take her hands in mine, "You changed my life Bella." Then I kiss her knuckles lightly and she lets out a soft breath.

The waiter returns and takes our order. We both sort of hurry through dinner anxious to get back to the cottage. I have been hard since we kissed at the pond and need to be inside her desperately. I can only hope that she is just as antsy as I am. I take her hand as we leave the restaurant and she stops where she stopped earlier. She stares at the spot for a minute and then looks up at me with a small smile on her face. She then squeezes my hand as she starts walking again, towards the car.

* * *

><p>The minute we enter the cottage I pull her into my arms, kissing her and lifting her dress up so I can touch her. She moans at my touch and immediately starts unbuttoning my shirt, pulling it out of my pants so she can undo my pants. She moves her hand inside to stroke me and I just groan. I pull away from her and quickly start taking my clothes off, as she removes the remainder of hers.<p>

She walks slowly up to me, gently running her fingers down my chest, taking a deep breath she looks up at me.

"I love you Edward." She says softly.

I close my eyes as my breath hitches. When I open them again she is watching me intently, taking shallow breaths.

"Isabella, I love you." I say as I kiss her softly and I can feel her smile against my lips.

She opens her mouth to me, allowing me to deepen our kiss. I start running my hands over her body and start walking us towards the couch. It is some kind of sleeper couch, so it is wide. I place her down on it, coming between her legs, kissing up her thighs. She arches her hips to me and I smile against her. I have never been much for going down on a girl but my God, Bella is perfect and I love the sounds she makes when I am doing it. I move my tongue around her clit, gently sucking it into my mouth, while I move my fingers inside her. She is moaning and writhing and I know she is close because she is really pulling on my hair. I move my fingers out of her replacing them with my tongue, just licking and sucking her, moving my tongue until she screams my name and clenches around me. Fuck! I need to be inside her.

I come up and start kissing her breasts, pulling on that fucking hot ass nipple ring as she runs her hands up and down my back. I get off of her and pull her legs, scooting her so that her ass is sitting on the arm of the couch. I line up to her and watch her face as I enter her. She closes her eyes, parts her lips and does that sexy moan that always throws me over the edge. I start breathing hard and throw my head back, closing my eyes, groaning loudly. God! How can she always feel so good? I start moving in and out of her, pulling her close to me. She is meeting me thrust for thrust and I feel myself pulse inside her.

"Baby, you feel so good." I say through ragged breaths.

"Edward, I am so close." She groans back at me.

I shift her slightly, arching her up more as I thrust inside her quickly. She gasps at the new position and then moves her hands over her breasts and down over her clit, stroking herself. Her eyes are closed and she is moaning loudly as she moves her hips keeping pace with me. Oh God! Her whole body trembles as she clenches around me, spinning my world out of control as I come hard within her.

After a few moments I pull out of her and lay down on the couch, wrapping her in my arms. I hold her tightly as I listen to her steady breathing against me. I whisper I love you into her hair and before I know it I am fast asleep, content and happy.

* * *

><p>When I wake up she isn't next to me. I sit up looking around the room but don't see her anywhere. That's odd. I get up and walk around the cottage. Where could she have gone? I walk to one of the large windows and look outside. That's when I see her. She is sitting on one of the couches outside wrapped in a blanket. It looks like she has her knees up on the couch with the blanket covering her up. I grab some shorts, putting them on and then grab the comforter from the bed, wrapping it around myself.<p>

I walk up to her and sit down next to her on the couch. She doesn't say anything but leans back into me.

"I woke up and you weren't there." I say as I run my fingers in her hair, moving a stray strand behind her ear and kissing her just below her ear.

She sighs softly, "I didn't want to wake you."

"Is everything okay?" God I wish she would look at me so I can tell if she's alright.

"Uh, huh." She turns to look at me and runs her finger between my furrowed brows. "I just miss seeing the stars." she says as she turns back around.

"You can't really see them from the city." She continues.

"Yeah, the lights mess that up." I say nuzzling into her hair. God! I love the way her hair smells and feels.

"There aren't a lot of lights in Forks so you can see them most nights, when it isn't overcast." she lets out a soft breath before continuing, "Sometimes when my dad would have a long day at work, like if something stressful happened, I would wake up and find him sitting outside on the patio swing, just looking up at the stars and the moon." she is quiet for a minute, and then starts speaking again but her voice is cracking somewhat, "He would always smile as I sat down next to him, putting his arm around me and telling me that looking up into the night sky gave him perspective on life."

"He sounds like a very insightful man." I say to her, sighing into her hair. She would be such a different person if her dad had never died.

"We would sit out there sometimes for hours. Not necessarily talking just watching the sky." she takes a deep breath, "I usually ended up falling asleep and waking up in my bed. He must have just carried me upstairs."

She laughs and I chuckle against her, wrapping my arms around her fully before she starts talking again.

"I never really felt anywhere was home after I left Forks. So when I wanted to be close to my dad I would just sit outside and watch the stars and the moon and talk to him. Ask him for guidance or try to find the perspective he used to talk about."

"Is that what you were doing, baby?" I ask softly.

She takes a deep breath. "I don't know."

"So you were just sitting out here, thinking about life." I ask quietly.

She lets out a soft breath. "Yeah, I suppose."

"Did you talk to your dad too?" I ask as I kiss the top of her head.

"Are you making fun of me, baby?" she asks with slight agitation in her voice.

"No way! I think it is wonderful that you are able to connect with your father in this way. I know how much you loved him."

She starts taking shallow breaths and I wonder if she is crying. She is real quiet. I can't imagine what it must have been like for her to lose him at such a young age. I think for a moment and then look up into the sky.

I clear my throat and then start talking, "So, Mr. Swan." I figure I might as well introduce myself. It's not like I am ever going to meet him and she seems so sad right now. "I'm Edward Cullen and I just want you to know that I am completely in love with your daughter. She is the most beautiful, intelligent, and witty woman I have ever met and my mission in life is to make her happy."

She giggles against me so I decide to continue. "She can be challenging at times, but she is worth it. She really keeps me on my toes." I say as she elbows me and giggles again so I smile and add, "But, I would ask that you to turn around now because I am going to make love to her underneath the stars and I really don't want you watching us."

At this she laughs full out and turns her head around to look at me, grinning wildly. "You are so wrong! I can't believe you just told my dad we were going to have sex." She says playfully.

"Well, I figured it was best to give him a heads up." I say grinning.

I wasn't kidding though. I plan on making love to her out here. This is pretty private. Aside from this morning, we haven't seen anyone. Besides I think she likes having sex outside. I smile at her and then get up, moving the table out of the way and laying the comforter on the ground. When I turn to look at her she has that look in her eyes and I know she is excited. Boy, she really is an exhibitionist. I think I am going to have to let go of some of my inhibitions and learn to be a little more adventurous.

I sit on the comforter and motion for her to join me. When she gets to me she has me lie down on the comforter, straddling me as she kisses along my jaw working towards my mouth. I slip my hands underneath her nightgown, running my hands over her ass and up her back. She stops kissing me just long enough for me to pull her nightgown over her head and for me to pull my shorts off.

She smiles at me as she starts kissing my chest, circling my nipples with her tongue. I want to close my eyes but at the same time I can't take my eyes off of her. She looks so beautiful in the moonlight, her mahogany hair falling down her shoulders against her pale skin. She starts moving down my chest, to my stomach, tugging and kissing my hair before putting my cock in her mouth. I arch my hips to her automatically as I throw my head back. She starts moving down to run her tongue around my balls, kissing and sucking the skin around them. Oh God! If she continues I am going to come right now. I reach down, stopping her and pulling her up, laying her down and kissing her fiercely.

I am groaning into her mouth, biting down on her lip as I push into her. She moans at the contact and immediately thrusts her hips at me. I am kissing her and moving my mouth down her neck. I need to make her come. I shift her so that I can enter her at a slightly different angle; I need to find her spot. I move her again and when she lets out a breathy groan I know I found it. I just keep thrusting into her quickly. I am ready to explode but I need to make her come first.

"Oh God! Edward. Harder." She says through ragged breaths.

I push into her over and over as she writhes underneath me. I know she is close. Fuck! I feel myself pulsing and know I am going to come.

"Bella, Please!" I plead.

I continue to push into her and after a few more thrusts I am unable to contain my orgasm as I release, just as she clenches around me. And my whole body trembles in pure ecstasy. I fall on top of her, exhausted, and breathing hard. We don't usually come at the same time but when we do it's like the earth opens up and swallows us whole. I move off of her and we are both lying on our backs, looking up into the starry night, trying to get our equilibrium back. I look at her as she looks at me smiling widely. I take her hand and squeeze it as we both look back to the sky. The stars are really beautiful tonight. Just like the woman lying next to me. I pull the blanket over us and we fall asleep, holding each other, under the stars and the moon, not wanting to return to the real world.

* * *

><p>When the sun rises, we both wake up. I can't believe we slept outside last night. She shifts slightly as she kisses my chest. I run my hands into her hair and kiss the top of her head.<p>

"Good morning baby." I say as she looks up at me.

"Good morning." she says as she leans up to kiss me on my lips.

We start kissing again and hear footsteps approaching. As they get closer they stop and whoever it was must turn around because the footsteps start getting further away. Well, they can't really see us, we are both covered. Finally I sigh and pull away from her.

"We better go inside baby." I whisper and she just nods.

We grab our clothes and put them on under the covers and then wrap ourselves in the blankets as we go inside. She starts a pot of coffee as I jump in the shower. She is already finishing her second cup when I come out of the bathroom dressed in some jeans and a t-shirt. She smiles as she walks by me, running her hand along my crotch before heading into the bathroom. I am immediately hard, that little minx.

I start gathering our things. Throwing my clothes in my bag, looking at the book she had bought for me and smiling. I go to the kitchen and take the stuff that Alice picked up and put them in the bag she left under the sink. When I get up I see Isabella leaning against the counter smiling at me.

"What?" I ask.

"Nothing, you just look very sexy when you are doing domestic type things." She says.

I laugh, "Domestic type things huh?"

I walk over to her and kiss her, then walk away, causing her to huff at me. I look back at her and she has her arms crossed but then she just grins at me. Oh, man. She is going to get me back. I am definitely messing with the wrong girl.

"Come here baby." I smile and motion for her to come to me.

She walks over and I pull her into my arms, kissing her passionately, sweeping my tongue in her mouth. I know we don't have enough time to have sex because she has to go to work this afternoon.

"We better go baby." I finally say pulling away from her.

She sighs and runs her hand along my jaw. "Alright, back to reality." She says sarcastically.

We gather the rest of our things together and I put everything in the car. When we get to town I tell her I want to stop at the jewelry store to see if we can find a charm to add to her bracelet. She smiles and we stop at the store. Once we get inside we start looking around at the various cases.

"I'd like maybe a totem pole. I think that would be nice, and it would represent the shore." She says slightly blushing.

"That sounds perfect." I reply smiling.

When the saleslady approaches us I ask if they sell charms. She nods and shows us the case that they are in. We find a few totem poles and she finally finds one that she likes. She is talking to the saleslady as she puts the new charm on her bracelet. She is telling the lady what everything means and she just keeps looking at me smiling.

"Can I see this one?" I say to another sales lady who has joined in the conversation.

"Sure." She says as she opens the case and hands me the charm I asked for.

Isabella turns to look at me confused. "Are you picking out another one?"

I nod as I walk over to her and hand the charm to the saleslady to add the new charm to the bracelet. I kiss her lightly and smile then turn to the saleslady.

"The heart should be centered so put that one on the opposite side of the totem pole." I say to her.

She smiles and does what I ask. Isabella still hasn't seen what I picked out. When the saleslady hands her back the bracelet, I take it from her and put it on her wrist, moving it to show her the one I picked out. It is a crescent moon with a star attached to it. She smiles when she sees it.

"Is this for last night?" she smirks at me.

I smile, "It could be, but that isn't what I was thinking."

She looks at me confused. "What were you thinking?"

I run my hand down her face, and then hold the hand that has the bracelet on it, gently playing with the charms. I glance at her and then hold the charm under my finger bringing it forward.

"I just thought since the stars and the moon reminds you of your Dad that this charm could represent him. So he will always be with you even when you can't see the stars or the moon."

I look up at her and she has tears in her eyes. I bring my hand to her face and wipe her tears away, gently running my fingers across her lips, kissing her softly.

"You want to put my dad on our bracelet?" she says crying.

"Yes, if you don't mind." I say softly.

She shakes her head. "No, I don't mind. Edward, I don't know what to say."

I smile as I kiss her gently on her lips. "I love you baby."

"I love you too." She says, smiling as she pulls me into a hug.

When I turn to the saleslady to pay for the charms, both of them are crying too. Uh, okay. That is weird but alright. I pay them and we head out of the store. Isabella just smiles as she looks at it again and puts her arm around my waist as we walk to the car.

* * *

><p>The ferry ride was short and sweet. She just held on to me and played with her bracelet. The drive home was a little shorter because it was Sunday and there wasn't as much traffic. She was real quiet the closer we got to Seattle as she stared out of her window. When I pulled up to her apartment she just sighs.<p>

"Baby. Are you okay?" I ask.

"Yes. I am just not looking forward to being here. I already miss the cottage. That probably sounds weird huh?" she says looking down slightly.

"Not at all. I was thinking the same thing."

She looks up and smiles, "Really?"

"Of course. The cottage was magic. I wish we could have stayed longer." I say as I lean in to kiss her softly on the lips.

"And, we are really going to your parent's house this week?" she looks worried.

"Baby, I really want you to meet them. They are good people, you will like them." I kiss her again, "It will be okay. I promise"

She sighs, "Okay."

"Are you going to come see me Monday after your appointment?" I ask hopeful.

She looks out the window, then looks down at her bracelet and runs her fingers along it. She then turns back to me and smiles but her smile doesn't reach her eyes.

"I can't tomorrow." Then she looks down again. "I'm sorry."

"It's alright. So I guess I will just pick you up after school on Wednesday and we will head to my parents, okay?"

"Are you sure you want to do this? I mean, seriously Edward I am not a meet the parent's kind of girl."

I frown at her, "Isabella, stop it. Is there something else going on?" I ask

She closes her eyes. "I am nervous." Then she starts to say something else but stops. I continue to watch her. "I think we need to talk about some things but we can do it later, maybe after we get back from your parents. Okay?"

I take a deep breath. She is going to tell me about her past, that's why she is acting like this. I run my hand down her face and over her lips. "Baby, whatever you need to tell me will be okay." I kiss her again.

She deepens the kiss and we sit in my car kissing for another few minutes before she pulls away.

"I better go. I need to get ready for work." She smiles. "Edward I had a wonderful weekend. Thank you."

I smile at her and kiss her again. "You are welcome. I love you baby. Now go, before I drive off with you."

She giggles softly and then gets a serious expression on her face. "I love you." And she kisses me again before pulling away, grabbing her bag and getting out of the car. I watch her enter her apartment before heading home.

* * *

><p>When I get to the house everyone is home, including Alice, and oddly enough Rosalie. Huh! Maybe she and Emmett are more serious than I thought they were. Of course I am pretty unobservant of most things outside of school and Isabella.<p>

"Hey E. You're back!" Emmett says and I hear Alice squeal.

"How was it? What did Bella say? Did she like her present? What did you guys do? Oh my God! Edward, tell me everything!" Alice says as she wraps her arms around me.

I smile. "Let me breathe Shorty." I say laughing and then sit down on one of our chairs.

"It was wonderful. She really liked everything, except for those rose petals. What was deal with that anyway?" I ask and she just chuckles.

"They were for effect Edward. You were supposed to take them off before you actually used the bed." She says laughing.

Well, hell. How was I supposed to know that? Bella didn't even know what we were supposed to do and she knows EVERYTHING about sex.

"Well, anyway. We did remove them. It was perfect. Hey wait, check out what she got me while we were there."

I reach for my bag and grab the Hemingway book, showing them. They all look at the book, then each other, and then back at me.

"Seriously, E. She got you a book?" Jasper says trying to stifle a giggle.

"I can't believe Swan even went into a bookstore" Rosalie pipes in.

"Hey, fuck you guys. This was a thoughtful gift. I really wanted it. I was prepared to buy it but she wouldn't let me." Geez, I should have known they wouldn't get it.

"That was a thoughtful gift." Alice says as she takes the book from my hand and smiles. "Isn't your thesis on Hemingway and Fitzgerald?" I knew Alice would understand.

I smile, "Yes. She found it and showed it to me. She could tell I wanted it so she took it and bought it for me." I am running my hand over the cover, remembering us kissing in the bookstore.

"I told her I loved her." I say and I hear a collective gasp.

"You did WHAT?" Emmett shouts.

"What did she do?" Rosalie asks concerned.

"Um, she was upset at first but then the next day we had a great time. We went to the bookstore and the shore and then when we went to dinner I asked her if she loved me too?"

I look at Rosalie and she is giving me a dirty look, like she is about to kick my ass or something. I glance around the room and everyone is staring at me. Geez.

"She said she loved me too." I finally say and Alice screams, clapping her hands. While the others just continue to stare at me.

"I know. I shouldn't have done that. I couldn't help it. I had to tell her and then the next day she was just acting like I hadn't said anything. I just needed to know. It came out before I realized what I had done and by then it was too late."

I look at Rosalie, "She is okay. She is happy. Well she's not happy about meeting my parent's Wednesday, but she is happy overall."

"God Edward! You are making her meet your parents?" she states angrily.

I stare at her confused, what's wrong with that? "Yeah, why not?"

She puts her head down and I swear it sounds like she is counting. "Because Edward; Isabella is probably scared to death to meet your family. As you know, her family life wasn't perfect. In fact it was pretty horrendous. Now you are going to throw your perfect little family in her face, making her feel inferior, making her feel that she isn't good enough. Is that your intention? And who exactly is she going to introduce you to?"

I am just gaping at her. I guess I never thought of it that way. That she might be afraid to meet them, that it would hurt her some way. I finally find my voice, "I didn't think about that." I say looking to the ground.

"No, of course you didn't." Rosalie says furiously.

"Rosie, come on, stop." Emmett says softly

"No, I will not stop. He is going too fast with her. It's too much!" she shouts at him.

"No she's right. I am just thinking about myself. I didn't even consider Bella's feelings about this." I say to Emmett.

"What if we all come as well?" Alice says.

We all turn to look at her, "You know, like a group thing. Mom won't care and it will make it lighter for Bella. Plus, then Rosalie could come with Emmett and I am sure that will make her feel better about going."

Rosalie sighs, "Yeah. That would probably help. Are you sure your mom won't mind?"

I interject, "No, my mom would actually think that is a good idea."

"Alright, so when is this shin dig again?" Rosalie asks

"Wednesday at 6 at my parent's house." I say.

Geez, as much as Rosalie scares me I am glad she is there for Isabella. I just wish Bella would have told me how she felt. I would have done it differently. Well, at least things seem to be settled and Rosalie doesn't look like she is about to kill me anymore. I excuse myself and head to my room. I throw my bag in the corner and then plop on my bed. My body is exhausted. That's one thing about being with Bella; I don't need to work out. I pick up my phone and glance at the pictures I took of her at the cottage, the one the man took of us by the totem pole as well as the funny ones we took at the shore and in town. I can't help but smile. I need to get these developed. I send her a quick text.

*****I love you baby. E*****

A few seconds later I get a return text from her. I smile as I read it.

*****I love you too. B*****

I set my phone down, lying in bed, not even bothering to change and drift off to sleep. I have classes tomorrow and I won't get to see Bella until Wednesday. God! I already miss falling asleep with her holding me.

* * *

><p><strong>AN…. Ahhh, back to reality for our lovebirds. Was that a fabulous weekend or what? I love how close they are getting and loved how well Rosalie knows Bella. In a way she knows her better than Edward. Alright, well last session with Dr. Masen is next so let's see how that goes….LOL… And Sara, was I right or was I right? Okay, you know the drill. Please review; let me know what ya think.**


	22. Ch 21: Changes

**Rating: M- For lemons (lots of them), language and situations. So this means if you're under 16 please be responsible for yourself.**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer is the sole owner of the world of Twilight. I am just having a little harmless fun with her characters.**

**Once again thank you to my amazing Beta's A & C for your guidance, encouragement & support. I love you girls, you make this journey pure AWESOME! Now, don't forget to check out the blog for pictures and the song for this chapter. I love this song by 3 Doors Down and think it fits well with where Bella is right now as she battles her old views of the world with the new worldview that Edward is presenting to her.**

**Well, we are back from B & E's exceptional weekend away. Now this chapter includes the July 4****th**** Flashback so if you are offended by a threesome or just Bella being with someone else I suppose you should skip it but seriously, why would you want to…..LOL**

* * *

><p>I'm not supposed to be scared of anything, but I don't know where I am<br>I wish that I could move but I'm exhausted and nobody understands  
>I'm trying hard to breathe now but there's no air in my lungs<br>There's no one here to talk to and the pain inside is making me numb  
>I try to hold this under control, they can't help me, cause no one knows<p>

Now I'm going through changes, changes  
>God, I feel so frustrated lately<br>When I get suffocated, save me  
>Now I'm going through changes, changes<p>

I'm feeling weak and weary walking through this world alone  
>Everything you say, every word of it, cuts me to the bone<br>I've got something to say, but now I've got nowhere to turn  
>It feels like I've been buried underneath all the weight of the world<p>

I'm running, shaking, bound and breaking I hope I make it through all these changes

Changes by 3 Doors Down

**Chapter 21: Changes**

It's Monday morning and I really don't want to get up. We had such a beautiful weekend and I just want to hold on to those feelings of happiness a little longer. I don't want to be back here in reality where I feel suffocated by my past.

Today is my last session with Dr. Masen and for some reason that makes me feel sad. I have so much to tell her and then that will be it. I won't have anyone to turn to. I know Edward says he wants me to talk to him about things but I am still hesitant. I have done so many things I am ashamed of. I mean, at the time they always seemed like good ideas but in hindsight they were just stupid. I sigh; talking to Dr. Masen was different. I just didn't feel like she was judging me and I didn't care what she thought of me, unlike Edward. If he thought I was a piece of shit that would really hurt. The words he says mean a lot more to me than the same words spoken by anyone else.

God! Why do I feel so alone? I should see him again after Masen. Then I remember last week. Fuck! I can't take the chance of running into Riley again or Alec for that matter. I know I need to talk to Edward about the 4th. I keep trying to act like it is no big deal but if it wasn't I would have told him already. Even when I talked to Masen about it I didn't really get that what I did was wrong. And, I wasn't completely honest with her about the entire night. As always I sort of glossed over the facts. I don't regret being with them per se but I do regret being the type of person I was. Someone that could do that with two people you know nothing about. How can I share that I was really a slut before I met Edward? And if I do, how can he not judge me on it? I am judging myself on it so why would I expect someone else not to?

I know now that I was just a shell of a human being, that I had no heart or even a soul. Well I did have a heart but it was locked away, far enough to not be subjected to pain or anguish. But in that process I locked it away from love and compassion as well. Edward showed me that. He showed me what I was lacking and I don't know if I can go back to the way I was before. Now, I am just overwhelmed with the fear that when he really knows how bad I was that it will be too much for him, that he will question how he could possibly love someone like me.

But, the reality is he is going to find out sooner or later. I know UW is a big campus but, hell, I ran into Riley and obviously Alec goes there as well. So either I NEVER go to campus again or I tell him. I close my eyes, trying to think of a way not to talk to him about this but I know there isn't one. He wants me to meet his parents this week on my day off so I will do it when we come home. I don't need to talk about the 4th with him before that. I think preparing to meet his parent's is enough to worry about. Finally, I just sigh as I remember the infamous Fourth of July fiasco.

**FLASHBACK:**

_I walk out of the house and lean against the door. God! What a waste. I am so not drunk enough to be happy about that fucker in there. I can't believe he came right when he entered me. I shake my head, I am so fucking horny and I seriously need another shot of Jack. _

"_Bella, come back inside!" Tyler shouts from inside._

_I sigh as I start walking. I'm not that far from the U so I will just walk over there and have a cab pick me up there. As I walk closer to the U I hear loud bumping music coming from one of the frat houses and just grin. Hmm, maybe I should check it out. They can't be any worse than Tyler. Fuck! I need to get laid._

_As I walk towards the U I see two guys head out of the frat house. Damn! They look tasty. One is tall with blond hair. He is thin with long legs, just how I like them. He has this shaggy hair thing going on and for some reason it looks good on him. The other one is shorter, with dark hair falling into his eyes and a little stockier, like he works out. Hmm, nice. They are both fuckable material. As they approach I realize that they are very cute indeed. Why don't they have some girl falling all over them? My gaydar isn't going off. Huh?_

_The blond smiles as they walk past me and I hear them both whispering and mumbling to one another before the blond turns around and approaches me._

"_Hey, hold on." He taps me on the shoulder_

_I turn and look him up and down, being very obvious as my glance lingers at his crotch and then back up to his face. Hmm, I definitely wanna fuck you tonight. "Yes." I say smirking._

_The brunette approaches as blondie seems to be mute all of a sudden. "You want to come and party with us?"_

_I smile, only college kids use that as a pick up line. I think I will have a little fun with them, see how open they are to really partying. "By party do you mean fucking or drinking?"_

_They both stare at me with their mouths open. Then I smile as I use both my hands to run my fingers down their chests simultaneously, stopping at the top button of their jeans. "I could use a good fuck. So if that is what you are referring to then, yes."_

_Blondie finds his voice again and whispers hoarsely, "Which one of us?"_

_I smile wickedly at him, "Why, both of you of course." And I run my hands over their now prominent bulges. Oh yeah. I'm going to have some fun tonight after all._

"_Okay" they both say in unison._

"_Do you have condoms?" I ask as I continue to stroke them through their jeans._

_Blondie nods and I smile. Thank God! I used my last one on that loser Tyler and I would hate to have to go get some more._

"_Let's go to the U." I say as I drop my hands from their crotches and start heading towards UW. I swear their cocks started following me before they did._

_As they catch up to me blondie says, "Hey, my name is Riley." I smile at him; I don't really care what their names are but if they want to tell me that's fine._

_Then brunette jumps in, "I'm Alec."_

"_Well boys, my name is Bella." Then I put my arm around each of their waists. _

"_So how old are you two?" I ask casually._

_They look at each other and then say, "19"_

_Hmm, young ones. Well, hopefully they will at least know what they are doing. As we continue walking towards the university I slip my hands down further, slipping them into their back pockets, squeezing their asses. They both let out a soft moan looking at me as I smirk at one, then the other. The U is pretty quiet tonight. People have already left as the fireworks ended awhile ago and any remaining people have wandered to the various parties going on in some of the frat houses. We walk towards the back of the big fireworks display and I spot a bench. That will do._

"_So, have either of you had a threesome?" I ask and they both shake their heads._

"_Okay, well that's alright. First things first, let's see what we are working with here." I say casually._

_I start unbuttoning Alec's jeans and put my hand inside stroking him as he closes his eyes. I stroke him for a little while watching as his head moves back and his lips part. I smile and then pull my hand out and do the same for Riley except Riley just watches me stroking his cock. They are both about the same size which is good for me. They are standing near me but I can tell they aren't sure what they are supposed to do. So I motion for Alec to come a little closer and kiss him, he opens his mouth to me and I move my tongue inside exploring him as I continue stroking Riley. I slip my hand into Alec's jeans and am simultaneously stroking both of them as I stop kissing Alec and kiss Riley who immediately pushes his tongue into my mouth, kissing me fiercely. _

_After a few minutes I stop kissing Riley and pull Alec's cock out of his jeans, getting on my knees and sweeping my tongue along his length and head while continuing to stroke Riley. I then move closer to Riley, taking him out of his jeans and putting him in my mouth as I stroke Alec. They both are moaning loudly. After a few minutes I stop sucking Riley and stand up. I move my free hand to start stroking Riley again. _

"_I don't know who to start with." I say seductively. They are both looking at me silently begging me to pick them. I continue to run my hands over their throbbing cocks and smile victoriously as I watch their eyes start to glass over. _

"_Okay. Alec you sit down on the bench, Riley you come behind the bench and face me. Riley, give Alec a condom." I say decisively._

"_How come Alec gets to go first?" Riley whines as he pulls out his wallet and grabs a condom, handing it to Alec. I notice he has another in there. That's good. Someone was optimistic when they left tonight._

"_Because you're taller and for what I want to do it makes sense. But don't worry you will get your turn. I have plans for the two of you. We are going to have a lot of fun tonight." I say, running my tongue over my lips._

_They both look at each other and then turn to me smiling. Alec goes to the bench and sits down and Riley moves to stand behind the bench as directed. As I approach Alec I take his hand and move it under my skirt. Thank God I always wear a skirt when I go out, easier access is a plus. I push my panties aside and have him move his finger inside me. He closes his eyes as he moves his finger in and out of me. I look at Riley and he is staring at us with his mouth open slightly as he watches his friend finger fuck me. I smile and move my hand inside my shirt and pull my breast out of my bra and move my shirt so that my breast is exposed to him. He groans when he sees my nipple ring and immediately moves his mouth over it, sucking rigorously. I move one hand into his hair and the other I run into Alec's. Alec is now kissing along my stomach as he moves his free hand over my ass. Hmm, these boys have potential._

_I pull away slightly and move Alec's finger out of me, bringing it to my mouth as I lick around it before putting it into my mouth, sucking it as I look at Riley. They both gasp and I hear Riley curse softly. I let Alec's finger go and pull Riley closer to me to kiss him again. I hear Alec fumbling underneath me and glance down noticing he has the condom on now so I move over him and guide his cock inside me as he moans in pleasure. I motion for Riley to move closer and I put him in my mouth eliciting a deep guttural moan from him. Alec then takes my breast into his mouth, the same one his friend had just been working on as Riley moves his hands into my hair. We are all working together as I move up and down on Alec and move Riley deep into my throat. I can't believe neither of them have come yet. God, I am about to explode and when Alec pulls on my nipple ring I come hard around him which causes him to start thrusting quickly within me until he releases inside of me. I continue to work on Riley to bring him to release as Alec tries to catch his breath underneath me. Riley is pulsing in my mouth so I know he is close. I scrap my teeth up his length and run my tongue around his head as he moans loudly._

"_Excuse me. Are we interrupting something?" I hear a voice behind me. FUCK! I pull away from Riley, hearing him grunt in response and get off of Alec quickly._

"_Fuck Yeah! You are interrupting something. Fuck, I was about to come." Riley says angrily, putting his still hard cock in his pants._

_I straighten out my clothes and look at Riley, mouthing "shut the fuck up" before turning to campus security. There are two men there, smirking at the three of us. Geez, they could have let me finish him off. That was kind of cold on their part._

"_Sorry, we were just having a little fun. We'll leave." I say apologetically. _

_Riley is pacing, pissed off or something and mumbling under his breath. I don't know what his problem is but he needs to calm the fuck down before he blows this for us. I'm going to get him off; he doesn't need to act like an asshole._

"_Sir, are you under the influence?" The security guard asks Riley, who then stops and glares at him._

"_No, I'm just pissed. I was getting the best head ever and you couldn't even let her finish. That's fucked up!" Riley shouts at him._

"_Are you students here?" The second security guard asks, angry now. Fucking Riley!_

"_I'm not sir." I say, trying to distract him from Riley who is clearly pissing him off. He turns to face me and I smile at him, running my hands into my hair, flipping it out of the way as he grins in return. _

"_Great, so now you want to fuck her too? Well, I haven't had my turn yet so you will need to wait." Riley spats at him. Geez, he is going to seriously fuck this up. He needs to let me work my shit, get us out of this._

"_Alright, let's see some I.D.'s" The second security guard says to all of us and I sigh pulling out my driver's license from my pocket._

_When he takes all of our I.D's, I look at Riley, shaking my head. I glance at Alec who has been quiet through this entire exchange. He has his head down and I swear he looks like he is about to cry. Fuck! This was seriously stupid. Then the two security guards step away from us, quietly conversing with one another. The second security guard pulls out his walkie talkie and says something to someone on the other end._

"_Yeah, I have some underage kids here and one appears to be high. I need you to call the local police." _

_I turn to stare at Riley and Alec stunned. "You guys said you were 19, Fuck! How old are you?" I ask, afraid of the answer._

"_Almost 18." They both say._

_Oh, FUCK ME! That means they are 17 at the moment. I sit down on the bench and put my head in my hands. I am so screwed!_

**END FLASHBACK**

My phone rings bringing me out of my memory. God, what the hell am I going to do? Maybe Dr. Masen will have some insight. I pick up my phone and smile when I hear his sweet and sensuous voice on the other end.

"Hey Baby" he says.

* * *

><p>I don't even bother to sit down when I enter Dr. Masen's office. I just go straight to my window, looking outside and sighing deeply. I hear her move around her desk, taking a seat in her normal spot and then hear that tapping she does with that pen of hers.<p>

"Did you have a bad weekend?" she asks.

I turn to look at her and frown. Why would she assume I had a bad weekend? I shake my head before turning back around to face the window.

"Actually, my weekend was perfect. He was perfect." I say as I run my fingers along the charm bracelet, remembering every beautiful moment we shared at the cottage.

"Well, that is wonderful." She pauses for a moment taking a deep breath, "So what is troubling you?" she finally says.

I sigh and don't say anything right away. Where do I begin?

"After last session I went to see E. He kind of got called away unexpectedly so I went to the coffee shop on campus and I ran into Riley."

"Riley?" she questions, "Oh, wait. He was one of the young men from the fourth, correct?"

"Yeah." I say as I place my forehead against the cool window.

"What happened?" she asks apprehensively.

I sigh, "He approached me, propositioned me so to speak. I acted like I was going to go through with it and when he went to go get Alec I took off." I bang my forehead lightly on the window a few times and then turn to face her, leaning my back against the window, looking down. "I haven't told E about the 4th but I know I need to. I don't want him to find out from someone else but I am afraid of what he is going to think once I tell him." I look up at her, imploring her to tell me how to do this right.

"Is there a reason you haven't told him yet?" she asks softly.

I shrug, "I don't want to lose him."

"Why would you lose him if you were honest about your past?" she asks like it's the easiest thing in the world for someone to do.

"I don't know." I pause, looking down again, "He is very kind and sensitive. He is definitely too good for me. I guess I am afraid he is going to wake up and see that." Then I glance up at her and take a deep breath, "He told me he loved me this weekend."

She gasps and stops moving her pen. "He did? How did you respond to that?" she asks softly.

"At first I freaked out, tried to pretend he didn't say anything at all, then the next day I acted like he didn't say those words. But by dinner he asked me straight out if I loved him." I look back at my bracelet and start fiddling with it again. "I told him I did." I say barely audible.

"That was a huge step for you Ms. Swan." She says smiling at me. "So, if you love each other then telling him the truth is the right thing to do. Don't you think?"

I look at her not knowing the answer to that question. I have never loved anyone before this. My mom was never very honest with the men she was with and I never saw my dad with anyone before he died.

"When you love someone you should be honest with each other even if it hurts a little." She finally says.

"So you think he will understand?" Could it really be that easy? Just tell him and get it out there and move about our day. That seems too simple.

"Yes, if he loves you like he said he does then he will understand." She says without any hesitation in her voice at all and I can't help but smile.

"Now I just have to deal with the whole meet the parents thing." I say frowning as I look down again.

She sighs which causes me to look up at her. Why would she sigh about that? Unless, she thinks I shouldn't meet them. I frown again. This is not going to be easy.

"How do feel about that?" she finally asks.

"Nervous. I have never met anyone's parents before." Then I turn back around and face the window. "I just have a bad feeling about it. I know that sounds weird but everything has really been going well so it's about time for something to get fucked up."

She doesn't say anything for a long time. She just lets me wallow in my self-misery. I don't know why I don't trust this happiness. I just know that in my experience when things are too good the shit is about to hit the fan.

"I think you are just responding to the new feelings that E is bringing out in you. You are just as entitled to happiness as the next person." She says indignantly.

She gets up from her chair and walks to her desk, pulling out an envelope. She then walks over to the window and hands it to me.

"This is a copy of the letter I wrote for the court along with a list of therapists I think you would work well with." She says softly.

I look at the envelope and feel tears on my cheeks before my brain registers the sadness that envelops me. I was so caught up in talking about Riley and Edward that I forgot this was my last session with her. I have told her more about myself than anyone, more than Edward, more than even Rosalie. I just keep staring at the envelope when I feel her hand on my shoulder.

"You know I have really enjoyed our time together Ms. Swan. I hope that you consider calling one of the people on that list." She says

"You enjoyed me walking out on you? You must be some kind of masochist or something." I say softly, trying to make things light, hoping to make the sadness go away.

She laughs loudly. "That just means I made you think. That's not such a bad thing. Is it?"

I laugh. "I guess not."

Then she lets out a deep breath. "I am sure our paths will cross outside of this office. I just ask that you keep an open mind when they do."

I look at her a little puzzled. My brain is too fried to comprehend what she just said; I guess she means that if I see her outside of here, don't be a bitch to her. I don't know. We end up spending the remainder of our session talking about my weekend at the cottage, me showing her the bracelet and talking about what each charm means, what she put in her report to the court and how much I supposedly have grown in the past 8 weeks. When our session is done she actually hugs me and tells me how proud she is of me and the progress I have made. I am not sure I have grown or anything but I can't help but smile at her when I leave.

I sit in my car for about 10 minutes thinking about my session and playing with the charms on my bracelet. I really need to see Edward but I can't go to campus. I close my eyes trying to come up with a viable solution. Come on Swan! You're a doctor for God's sake. Hmm, maybe I could pick him up and we could go somewhere else for a few hours. I smile at that thought and then grab my phone.

*****Baby, I really need to see you. Can I pick you up from campus after your class? B*****

Hmm, where can we go? There are a bunch of parks and such near the university. We could just go hang out there in a secluded place. When my phone buzzes I smile.

*****I will be done in about 20 minutes. I will meet you at the Padleford parking lot. E*****

*****I will see you in 20 minutes then. B****

*****Okay, Love you. E*****

*****I love you too. B*****

I smile widely as I put my car in gear and head to the U. I feel a lot better knowing that I will see him soon and am oddly comforted by Dr. Masen's words about him understanding my past. I still don't want to tell him until after I meet his parents but I will do it that night. Maybe things will work out after all.

* * *

><p>I park in the front of the parking lot to wait for him. When I see him walking towards the car my breath hitches. He is so beautiful that it is almost abnormal. When he gets to the car he opens my door and pulls me out, kissing me passionately. Then he breathes into my hair as he runs his hands down my back, lifting my shirt slightly so that he can touch my skin.<p>

"I missed you." He says into my hair.

"I missed you too." I say against his chest.

Geez, we saw each other yesterday and it feels like an eternity since I felt his lips on me, or his hands caressing my back like he is now. How are we ever going to manage two or more days without seeing each other?

"Where do you want to go?" he asks.

"Why don't we go near the golf range? I didn't see anyone over there when I drove by." I say.

He smiles, "Okay."

I smile and get in the car, watching as he walks to the passenger side. The golf range is really close to Padleford so it doesn't take long to get there. I park in an area that is not crowded and offers some cover. I love my car! It is a Mystic Metallic Blue, BMW 325i sedan with bucket seats. Phil and Renee got it for me as a graduation present when I graduated from med school. I guess it was supposed to cover the fact that they weren't going to be there. I wasn't going to accept it but when I saw it I fell in love, and Phil had invested money wisely when he was catching for the Rays so he could afford it. Plus, it is the perfect fucking vehicle. Literally, you can move enough in it. Aside from that, it is sweet to drive. I could probably get a newer model but it is still pretty new. I don't drive it anywhere far so it still has less than 100,000 miles on it.

Once I park I unbuckle myself and immediately move to his side straddling his lap. His hands go into my hair as I start kissing him. He opens his mouth to me and I deepen the kiss, moving my tongue around his tongue as our mouths connect to one another. He moves his hands out of my hair and starts moving them underneath my shirt, unsnapping my bra. I stop kissing him and look into his eyes; he smiles and then moves my shirt up exposing my bra which he pushes over my breasts. I move my head back moaning as his mouth makes contact with my nipples. I start grinding against him, eliciting a throaty moan from him as he hums against my nipple, sending shivers across my hot skin.

"Baby, I need you." I say breathlessly.

He moves his mouth back to my mouth, kissing me eagerly, as he unbuttons my jeans and starts pulling them off of me. I can't believe he isn't going to fight me on this. Well, this is more private than the library but we are still out in the open. I think I have created a monster. Hmm, my monster, a monster that knows exactly how to please me. When my jeans reach below where he can manuever them I work them down all the way, using my feet to pull them off.

"Are you ready for me baby?" he says as he moves my panties to the side, inserting a couple of his long fingers inside me, moaning roughly when he feels how wet I am.

I don't know why it always surprises him, I am in a constant state of arousal whenever he is near. He unbuttons his pants and pulls his cock out. He watches me as he pushes my panties out of the way and pulls me down on his erection. I close my eyes at the feeling of fullness that always accompanies him entering me. When he is completely inside me we both let out a breathy gasp as we touch our foreheads to one another.

"I love you so much." He says with bated breath.

"I have never loved anyone before you and I know I will never love anyone else." I say to him as he parts his lips and closes his eyes, letting out a soft breath. I don't know where that came from but I do know it is the truth. Whatever happens from here I will never love anyone ever again, no one will ever take his place.

I start moving up and down on him slowly. When we first parked I just wanted to fuck him. I always want it fast and hard but right now I just want to savor every inch of him moving inside of me. I want to make love to him like he always does with me. I lay soft kisses on his lips and jaw, working my way to his ear and neck. He has his eyes closed and is moaning against me, moving his hands up and down my back. I continue moving on him as I bring my mouth back to his lips.

"I love you, Edward Cullen." I whisper against his lips.

He opens his eyes and they are moist with unshed tears. I move my fingers down his face and kiss him lightly on the lips again. I continue to move slowly, kissing his perfect mouth until I feel him pulsing inside me. I know he is close so I move my hand down between us, never removing my mouth from him, and start to stroke my clit. My body is on fire as I moan into his mouth, so it doesn't take long before I am clenching around him. I come down on him again and he grabs my hips holding me in place as he releases inside of me, sounds of pleasure leaving his beautiful mouth as he does. We continue to kiss one another as our bodies stop trembling from the aftermath of our mutual orgasms. I pull away from his mouth and smile at him.

"That was phenomenal, baby." He says, smiling as he kisses me again.

"Well, that's me baby. Phenomenal!" I say laughing.

I pull off of him, not wanting to get stoped by campus security in a state of undress. I am thinking that would not bode well for encouraging him to be more open sexually. I grab my jeans and slip them back on quickly. He smiles as he watches me get dressed rather fast. What can I say? I have mastered the art of getting dressed at the drop of a hat. No fumbling around with me as I reposition my bra bringing my hands to my back to snap it up.

"Hmm, what are you smirking at?" I ask him with a responding smirk.

"Just admiring how quickly you can get dressed." He says laughing.

"Yes. It is a special skill." I say laughing. "I see you haven't read Bella Swan's _Guide for Single Girls Seeking Sexual Gratification_ have you?" I smile and straddle his lap again, resting my head on his shoulder.

He laughs hysterically, "No, I must have missed that one. So being able to dress quickly is in the guide huh?" he says as he runs his fingers through my hair.

"Yep, it's in the guide." I say as I lean up and kiss him again.

"Hmm, so what else is in the guide?" he says against my lips.

"Um, do you want the top five?" I say pulling his bottom lip into my mouth. "Let's see. 1.) Wear clothes you can get on and off quickly. 2.) Always carry condoms, 3.) No such thing as the walk of shame, 4.) Never take a man to your place, and 5.) Always know your way home."

He chuckles, "Hmm, that's an interesting list baby."

"Yes, well considering I am no longer single it doesn't really apply anymore. Besides I broke all the rules with you anyways." I say, kissing him softly.

"Well, you did start out following your guide." He whispers as he traces my lips with his tongue.

I sigh against him. "Yes, best laid plans and all. Who would have thought that I would now be stressing about meeting your parents?"

"Baby, you don't need to stress about that. Everything will be perfect." He says and I want to believe him.

"I hope so." I say looking up at him.

He smiles at me. "I love you, baby."

"I love you too." I say and rest my head against him again.

I can't believe how good he makes me feel. It is so foreign to me. I know Dr. Masen said I was entitled to happiness but I don't know. I have never believed that. But, I suppose with Edward in my life I should get used to it. We sit in my car holding each other and laughing as he has me go through the rest of my list. Until finally our time is up and I take him back to Padleford and then head home to get ready for work.

* * *

><p><strong>AN…. Ah, well the calm before the storm huh? Not going to say more than that. I like to keep you guessing, keep you on your feet….LOL… and, don't worry this won't be the last time we see Dr. Masen cause well, I just LOVE her; she's my doppelganger except she is definately a lot cooler than me…LOL**

**Okay time to plug my girl Amandac3... she is participating in Savage7289's Die, Daddy C, Die contest (it is based on Savages story Offside)... Amanda's one shot is called For Keeps... Go check it out and VOTE for your top 3 stories. The contest runs until August 21st... story link is www fanfiction net / u / 3113906 / DieDaddyCDie**


	23. Ch 22: Meet the Parents, Part 1

**Rating: M- For lemons (lots of them), language and situations. So this means if you're under 16 please be responsible for yourself.**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer is the sole owner of the world of Twilight. I am just having a little harmless fun with her characters.**

**It's Friday somewhere... Isn't it?**

**Once again thank you to my amazing Beta's A & C for your guidance, encouragement & support. Thanks girls for helping in my car search and thanks Dan for once again suggesting something freaking AWESOME for my Eddie….LOL… Don't forget to check out the blog for updated pictures and the song for this chapter. Now this is my absolute favorite song by KOL and I think it fits the overall feel of our poor Bella. There isn't an "official" video for this song so when I was checking out various videos I found this one using pictures taken during filming for Remember Me so I couldn't pass up the opportunity to put two of my fav people together (Rob & Caleb in case you were wondering...LOL). So check it out.**

**Now I know a lot of you have expressed concern about Bella meeting his parents. So I will not make you wait any longer and remember for Bella it's hard to trust happiness when you are so used to sorrow!**

* * *

><p>I'm on the corner, waiting for a light to come on<br>That's when I know that you're alone  
>It's cold in the desert, water never sees the ground<br>Special, unspoken without sound

You told me you loved me, that I'd never die alone  
>Hand over your heart, let's go home<br>Everyone noticed, everyone has seen the signs  
>I've always been known to cross lines<p>

I never ever cried when I was feeling down  
>I've always been scared of the sound<br>Jesus don't love me, no one ever carried my load  
>I'm too young to feel this old<p>

Here's to you, here's to me,  
>On to us, nobody knows<br>Nobody sees, Nobody but me

Cold Desert by Kings of Leon

**Chapter 22: Meet the Parents, Part 1**

I wake, startled, looking around my room. Out of habit I look to where Edward should be sleeping but isn't. I hate waking up without him. It's weird because in the past I couldn't wait until I got home and could sleep in my own bed, by myself, no awkward conversation, or damn, "why the hell was I with him?" I don't do the whole walk of shame that some girls refer to when sneaking out the next morning in the same clothes they had the night before. Why should you be ashamed of something you were planning on doing in the first place? Seriously, if you're intent is to go to a club and hook up with someone, just own that shit and move on. Walk out with your head held high, now if you're not satisfied well that kind of sucks but it's a risk us woman have to take at times. But there is no shame in seeking sexual satisfaction. Well, in Bella Swan's _Guide for Single Girls Seeking Sexual Gratification_ there isn't. I laugh as I remember telling Edward that. He was quite amused by my ability to dress quickly. Hell that is step one, be fucking prepared to have sex. I don't understand these girls with these skin tight jeans, how the hell are you going to get that on and off quickly? Now, I do admit the first time I came to the school I was not wearing the right clothes, but Edward had me all jacked up. What can I say? I have been prepared every other time I have been with him.

I get out of bed and look in my closet at the dress I picked out for today. God, I can't believe I am actually meeting his parents. I know I have been driving Rosalie crazy the last few days but she's my damn friend that is par for the course. She knows I don't do shit like this so I don't know why she was surprised by my frantic call yesterday.

**FLASHBACK**

"_Hey, Swan!"She mutters._

"_Fuck, Rosalie. What am I supposed to do?" I say frantically._

"_What are you talking about?" she asks confused by the tremor in my voice._

"_Am I supposed to dress up tomorrow or be causal, if it's dress up what the hell am I supposed to wear? I don't have any meet the fucking parent's clothes." I stutter out._

_She starts laughing hysterically, "Swan, are you calling me to ask what you should wear tomorrow?"_

"_Fuck you Hale; you're supposed to help me not laugh at me. I'm nervous enough already."_

"_Okay, okay. Hold on" she says as she tries to control her laughing spell, "What time do you have to be in today?" she finally asks, still breathing hard, and laughing. Bitch!_

"_My shift starts at 4." I say flustered, I don't know why she thinks this is so funny._

"_Alright, I am coming over. Calm your ass down." She says and hangs up._

**END FLASHBACK:**

So I am staring at the dress we picked out yesterday. It is the most conservative dress I have ever worn. I am going to look like some business executive or something. It is a dark green shift dress; it has short sleeves and a small V coming down the neck. Enough to show some cleavage but not much and it has a bottle shaped skirt that comes to the top of my calf. The back is kind of cool because it has a little bit of a bustle that makes my ass look awesome. Overall the dress contours to my body, highlighting my best features but it is definitely not my typical dress. I will accent it with my black heels which will make my legs look great. Then I sigh, how the hell am I going to fuck him in this? I am breaking my own fucking number one rule. Damn it! How did I let her talk me into this dress? I look at the clock and it is still early. His classes on Wednesday end at 4 so he won't be here until after 5 and then we are driving to his parents who apparently live out of town, in the country. Didn't realize Seattle had a "country" but okay. God, I feel so on edge already. This is going to be a hell of a long day.

* * *

><p>I am sitting on my couch with my head between my legs, trying to steady my breathing when I hear his knock on the door. I jump up immediately and feel slightly light headed from the sudden movement. God! I am a mess. When I open the door he is standing there in grey dress slacks and a light grey button down shirt with the top two buttons undone. His hair is beautifully chaotic and his eyes seem to be sparkling. Fuck me if he isn't the most stunning man on the planet. I start taking slow breaths as I pull him inside, pushing him against the wall, kissing him like my life depended on it. My tongue is in his mouth before he can register what is happening. I am breathing heavy now as I start to unbutton his pants, pulling his cock out, stroking him.<p>

He moans in my mouth and moves me so my back is against the wall. He struggles a bit with this crazy dress but is able to move my skirt up and yanks my panties off. He starts kissing down my neck, nibbling as he goes. I pick up speed on my stroking and move the pre-cum already seeping out of him over his head. He starts growling into my neck and grabs my leg, moving it to his waist. He then grabs his cock from my hand and shoves inside of me as he takes my other leg to move it to his waist. I wrap my arms around his neck as he pushes in and out of me against the wall, grunting and groaning in pleasure every time he enters me. I am so close and his movements are pushing me further and further towards ecstasy.

He grabs my hips and starts pulling me down on him as he thrusts inside of me and I scream in pleasure as the movement rubs my clit against the buttons on his shirt and the delicious friction combined with his entering me is making my world spin out of control. After the third time down I come hard around him, panting as I throw my head back, hitting it against the wall. Fuck! That hurt. He thrusts inside me again as he comes, making unrecognizable noises into my neck. He pulls out of me and I am still trembling from my orgasm as we drop to the floor, with him leaning against the wall pulling me unto his lap, breathing hard.

"Thank you." I whisper breathlessly against his chest.

"My pleasure." He chuckles and then starts running his hand through the back of my hair. "You know you are worrying about nothing. My parents are going to love you because I love you."

I don't say anything. I just breathe in his scent, he smells like the woods after it rains, when everything is clean and pure. Of course that is what he is, clean and pure, and when I am with him, I feel that way too. He kisses the top of my head.

"I love you, baby" he says softly against my hair.

"I love you too." I say, sighing against him.

He pulls my head up and kisses me chastely, pulling first my bottom lip into his mouth, gently sucking on it and then doing the same to the top. We sit there kissing each other until he takes a deep breath, pulling away from my mouth.

"We need to go. We are going to be late."

I sigh again and nod at him, getting up and grabbing my panties from the floor, using them to wipe myself off as I go into the bedroom to grab another pair. I have to maneuver a bit but I manage to straighten out my dress. My God! How do chicks get laid in dresses like this? I mean, don't business women want to get their rocks off with some hot guy in the office? Maybe there is a trick I am missing. I walk to the bathroom to make sure I am still presentable. Hmm, my hair is definitely a mess but, aside from my now plump lips, I am okay. I mess with my hair for a few minutes, trying to tame the sex hair look I am now sporting, before finally coming back out.

"You look so beautiful Isabella." He says as he leans in to kiss me again.

"Not nearly as beautiful as you." I say and he laughs.

"You know, I like this dress but it's a little conservative for you, don't you think?" he says smiling.

"I want to be presentable for your parents." I say. He just shakes his head slightly and kisses me again.

"I told you, you are worrying for nothing. They will love you." He says confidently.

He walks me to the car and I get in. I wish we were taking my car in case I need to fuck him again. His car is so not suitable for fucking. I mean it's very nice and fast but it is too small, I am not a damn contortionist. I sigh, generally speaking, guys don't think about that kind of stuff when they buy cars. They are thinking about speed and/or size, not the comfort level of the person they may be fucking at a later date.

"What are you thinking?" he asks as he gets into the car.

"Nothing, I'm just trying to settle my nerves." I reply back.

"Baby, there is nothing to be nervous about. You will like my parents. I promise." Then he smiles and I can't help but smile as well. He is so damn optimistic it's almost catching.

* * *

><p>When we pull up to their house I gasp. Fuck! This is where he grew up? It is huge; I don't know, maybe three stories with windows everywhere. It is beautiful, with this unusual architectural design. But one thing is for certain, this house screams wealth and privilege. It also screams back the fuck off if you aren't in the top 100 wealthiest people on the planet. I feel Edward's hand under my chin as he turns me to look at him. He has a serious expression on his face.<p>

"It's just a house, baby."

"This is not JUST a house Edward." I start breathing fast. Fuck! I can't do this.

He leans in and kisses me lightly on the lips. "Baby, please. I…" I look at him and he looks torn. I am not sure what he is torn about but he has this lost look on his face. "I'm sorry. We don't have to do this."

I close my eyes and take a few steady breathes. Fuck Swan! Put on your damn big girl panties and meet his parents. How bad can it be? I shake my head slightly and finally say. "No, let's go." And I open my door, not waiting for him to come around.

He is at my side quickly and has his arm around my waist, pulling me closer to him. I glance around and see both Jasper's truck and Emmett's Escalade already here so at least Rosalie is already inside as well as Alice who I really like, the more time I spend with her. When we get to the front door, a housekeeper, well I assume she is a housekeeper, opens the door smiling widely at him. She is a bit older; grandmotherly I suppose you would say.

"Edward, now don't you look handsome today?" she says and then turns to smile at me. "And, is this your lovely Isabella?"

He smiles, "Isabella this is Irina. She is our cook and housekeeper and just all around household extraordinaire." This description causes her to laugh heartedly; he smiles at her and then looks at me, "When Alice and I were younger she was also our nanny when my Mom was at work. She has been with us a long time. She's like a second mom to me."

I smile, geez, a fucking nanny. I am so over my head here. God, that sucks though. I can barely call Renee a mom and here he is with two. No wonder he is fucking perfect!

I smile at her, "It's a pleasure to meet you."

"You too sweetheart." She says and moves aside for us to enter.

She glances at Edward and smiles. "Everyone is inside waiting for you two. You are a bit late Edward. That isn't like you." She says as she arches a brow at him.

"Sorry." He glances at me and grins before turning back to her. "We were a little delayed."

He takes my hand and we walk inside. This place is amazing. Lots of open spaces and decorative art displayed everywhere. Off of the living room I see a door that is closed and to my left is a huge dining room with a long table that has already been set. Everyone is sitting down chatting in the living room when Emmett sees us.

"About time E, what took you so long?" then he wags his eyebrows at us, "As if I have to ask." and I hear both Rosalie and Alice giggle.

"Shut up Em." He says laughing and then turns as a couple walks in from the closed room. I turn to follow his gaze and gasp loudly. Oh FUCK ME!

He glances at me as his parent's approach us then turns back to them. "Mom, Dad. I'd like you to meet the love of my life, Ms. Isabella Swan."

His dad is tall, with blond hair and blue eyes and his hair is slicked back. He is wearing a navy suit and he looks very serious as he takes my hand in his.

"It's nice to finally meet you." He says with a smile but his smile doesn't seem genuine.

I turn to look at Edward and finally find my voice. "Dr. Masen is your mom?" I say softly.

He looks confused. I am breathing hard. I can't fucking believe this. I told her EVERYTHING about Edward and me. She actually knows the darkness in me, no wonder his dad is looking at me that way. She probably told him all about me. I close my eyes and step back for a second.

"Baby, what's wrong?" he asks worriedly.

"She's my…" I look down, shaking my head before looking up into his troubled eyes. "She's my therapist." I finally muster out.

He glances between the two of us, and she takes a deep breath and closes her eyes. She probably can't believe I just told him that. Then I look at her, now I am angry. How could she see me knowing I was fucking her son?

"How long have you known that I was dating Edward?" I ask her angrily.

"I connected it last Monday." She says softly, "I honestly didn't know it was him until then. You never used his name."

I stare at her. "Have you said anything to anyone?"

She gasps, "Of course not. If you hadn't said something just now I wouldn't have said I knew you." She walks closer to me and rests her hand on my shoulder, "I would never break your trust like that." And I can't help but believe her as I stare into her concerned face.

I sigh, "Is that why you couldn't see me anymore?"

"Yes, I'm sorry I couldn't say anything to you about why." She says softly.

I nod my understanding. That makes sense to me. Geez, she already knows way too much about my sex life with her son and I grin at what that must have been like for her when she connected the dots. Man, what a mind fuck.

"So, Masen is your maiden name?" I ask her.

She nods and I smile. I don't know why that surprised me. I mean lots of women doctors use their maiden names. I always figured if, a great big humongous if, I ever got married I would still use Swan. Why should I give up my name? Why can't he give up his? And I grin over how funny that would be for a guy to take on his wife's name. I finally look around and notice everyone watching us, including Edward who is just gaping. I reach out for his hand and he puts his in mine as I squeeze it lightly. Then I hear a chuckle from the couch.

"Geez, Swan! Of all the therapists in Seattle you get assigned to Edward's mom. That is beyond funny." Rosalie says laughing. "Man, that is so your luck though."

I grin at her, "Shut up Hale. Besides she was my therapist before I met Edward so technically she had dibs on me first." I say smirking at her, eliciting howls of laughter from Emmett and Jasper. Okay, those two have a weird sense of humor because I don't think what I said was funny unless they are imagining some girl on girl action. Who knows, some of the shit Rosalie has told me about Emmett make me wonder all kinds of stuff.

I laugh as I lean in closer to Edward who is quieter than he usually is. "Are you okay?"

He smiles, "Yeah. It's just weird. I have never dated any of my mom's clients before."

"Well, technically I am no longer her client." I say with a smile. He leans down and kisses me lightly on the lips.

"Dinner is ready everyone." Irina announces.

We all gather in the huge dining room. There is definitely something off with his dad though. He continues to watch me and whenever I look at him he will offer me a small smile but it isn't one of those real smiles. Edward said his parent's would love me but I am not sensing any love from his dad. In fact he reminds me of a predator, stalking his prey, and damn, I believe that prey is me. I know Edward said he was a successful business man so I would assume he would play hard ball with people. He doesn't strike me as shady but he does strike me as someone that would fuck you up without thinking twice about it. I don't know, maybe that is his normal demeanor and I am overreacting.

The help starts bringing out food and the conversation starts going. Rosalie glances at me and then Edwards's dad, probably wondering what the deal is. Wish I knew. Then I look at Alice and she is watching her dad as well and then she looks at me and smiles.

"So, mom, dad, I have had so much fun getting to know Isabella. She is so cool to be around." She says smiling at me and then she glances at her dad, "Dad, did you know that Bella is a doctor? A surgeon. That's pretty amazing don't you think?"

He smiles at her, "Yes, sweetheart. It is very nice that Isabella is a doctor." He says and proceeds to eat some of his food which garners strange looks from everyone at the table. Okay, maybe his demeanor is not normally like this. Maybe it is about me. Great!

Then Emmet speaks up, "Rosie, tell everyone how you and Bella met. That's the funniest story." He says already laughing.

She laughs. "Well, I was covering for one of my nurses in the OR. We were supposed to be working with Dr. Aro, who is a known misogynist and he is less of an as... um, less of a jerk, when I am around."

Emmett laughs and kisses her on the temple, "That's cause you're fierce, Rosie."

She grins at him and then continues, "I had heard we had a new surgeon coming on and was excited to meet her. We don't get very many female surgeons in Seattle."

She smiles at me and I just grin, remembering the exact encounter she is going to tell, although I am not sure it is the most suitable story for dinner conversation or for impressing Mr. Cullen for that matter, as he seems to still want to mount my head on his mantle.

"So, enter Swan over there, and Dr. Aro looks at her and he starts salivating on the spot." She continues, rolling her eyes.

I shake my head at her telling, God, she is really putting a lot of emphasis on it. Edward grins and leans in to me, whispering that he can understand that reaction and then kisses me lightly on my lips as I smile at him.

Rosalie grins as she continues, "So, he walks over to her and takes her hand bringing it to his mouth and kisses it, then says "you are so beautiful sweetheart, we should get together sometime, very soon" and Swan gives him a death glare to rival my own." She starts laughing as does the whole table, except for Mr. Cullen. "So she removes her hand from him and Bella, what was it you said?" she looks at me and winks.

I smirk and then chuckle slightly, "I told him that there wasn't enough Jack in Seattle to make me want to fu..." his dad raises his brow at me and I look away quickly, rephrasing what I said, "have sex with him."

Rosalie is rolling now as she continues, "So he drops her hand and glares at me like this is my fault, so Swan looks at him and asks why he is glaring at me all of a sudden. And he said that I needed to learn to control my nurses better."

God, he is such a bastard. Rosalie looks at me so I continue the story, "So I say to him, "Well, I am sure she controls her nurses just fine but I am assisting you today, I'm Dr. Swan" and I could have sworn that his eyes were about to pop out of his head." I say rolling my eyes, laughing.

Rosalie jumps in then, "I was enjoying the show so much. No one ever questions Dr. Aro and now he is so flustered because he isn't sure what to do, because Bella here is a doctor so she actually has some clout at the hospital. So what does our lovely Ms. Swan do? You might wonder." She starts laughing again, as does Emmett who has obviously heard this story.

When she is finally able to contain herself she continues, "She picks up his left hand and runs her thumb along where his wedding ring should be but isn't, she is being all sexy stroking his finger and then she asks him in her best seductive voice," Which Rosalie now mimics, "Does your wife know that you are propositioning the nurses before you head into surgery?" Rosalie starts laughing again and in between laughs she finishes, "Then she smiles at him, dropping his hand, THEN she just turns around and heads in to scrub up like nothing ever happened, leaving him standing there dumbfounded. I swear to God I thought he was gonna die right then and there. It was priceless. And from that moment on I knew that Swan and I were going to be tight."

She smiles at me when she says this last part and I grin. She really is the coolest person I know. And she will definitely be there for me. That is one thing I am certain of. She is my friend.

I laugh again, "Well, Dr. Aro is a first class jerk and he never messed with me or any of the nurses after that. I know all the male doctors just groan when they find out Hale and I are working the same shift. They can usually handle one of us but not the two of us together." Then I smile at Rosalie and wink.

"You got that right." She says adamantly and Emmett brings her hand to his lips and kisses it.

I laugh again, "What can I say. Sometimes being a bitch is the only thing a woman has to hold on to." I say grinning and Rosalie just laughs and then I hear a chuckle coming from where Dr. Masen is at. The rest of the table is just looking at me. What? It's a quote.

Dr. Masen looks around the table and huffs. "Oh for goodness sake. It's a quote, from Dolores Claiborne. You know Stephen King, Kathy Bates, ringing a bell?" Then she looks at me and shrugs, "Guess they never saw the movie."

I just smile at her. Dang, Dr. Masen pure rocks. Oh I definitely think she could hang with me and Rosalie.

"Is that a chick movie?" Emmett asks confused.

I laugh heartedly at that. "Ah, no. Not even close big guy. It's probably a little too depressing and not enough action for you." I say smiling. "Although she does off her husband, but he very much deserves it."

His laugh booms across the room and then everyone is laughing again. Even Mr. Cullen manages a chuckle this time. Huh. Maybe they are wearing him down. Edward whispers that he loves me in my ear and then gently kisses me on my temple. I swear my eyelids flutter at his proximity and god, if I don't want him again.

"So, Isabella, Mike Newton says he knows you." Mr. Cullen says and the laughter stops almost immediately.

I turn and stare at him trying to decide how to answer that. I mean I do know Mike, almost everyone at the table knows that I know him, most were at the club and witnessed me dog him out and Dr. Masen knows about the incident I had with him after I met Edward. But why would Mr. Cullen bring him up and why would Mike even talk to him about knowing me. It's not like we dated or anything. Unless, he is trying to start some shit to get back at me for the club incident. He seems like the type of shady bastard that would do something like that.

"Yes, we have met before." I finally muster out.

"What the hell does that asshole have to do with anything, dad?" Edward states angrily and as I look at him, I realize he is shooting daggers at his dad.

Mr. Cullen looks at him harshly, "Edward, watch your language at the table." Then he turns back to me. "So, did you meet him before or after July 4th?"

I drop the fork in my hand and Rosalie gasps. I start breathing fast and know I need to calm down but can't seem to bring my breathing under control.

"Carlisle!" Dr. Masen says sternly.

He has not taken his eyes off of me, waiting for my response. Predator meets his prey, check fucking mate. Oh my God. He knows. That's why he has been acting this way. Of course, it all makes sense now. Why would he want someone like me with his son? How did he find out? Dr. Masen said she didn't disclose any of our conversations with anyone. And, she looks pretty pissed off right now, so I tend to believe her. Oh God! This is a fucking nightmare come true. My transgressions laid out in front of Edward and my almost friends, fuck it, they are my friends now.

"After, I met him after the 4th." I say quietly.

"I see." But before he can say anything else I hear movement next to me as Edward pushes away from the table, standing up. He is just staring at his dad. What's he planning on doing?

"Edward! Go to my study." Mr. Cullen says, standing up as well; his whole body posture says do what I say, without hesitation. Edward is still glaring at him. They are both staring at each other; it's like some kind of fucked up show down to see who will flinch first. The tension at the table is mounting and my fear is almost paralyzing. God! I just need to get out of here but I can't move as I watch Edward look at his father with what can only be termed as hatred.

Finally Mr. Cullen bellows out, "NOW!" and Edward jumps slightly, furrowing his brow as he turns around, heading towards the room off of the living room. Which I now realize is where Dr. Masen and Mr. Cullen were when we arrived.

"Carlisle! You will not do this now." Dr. Masen says but he just walks past her, towards where Edward is headed. She pushes away from the table and follows them into the study, shutting the door behind them. I jump in my seat as the sound of the door cuts the tension in the room.

I turn and stare at Rosalie, panic on my face. "Calm down Bella." She says and then she looks at Alice, "Do you have anything stronger than wine?" Alice is looking between the two of us, confused and panicked as well.

Jasper jumps up and goes to a cabinet and takes out a bottle of amber liquid pouring me a shot, which I down quickly, looking at him and motioning for another. After a few more shots my nerves start to steady as I glance at the closed door.

"What the hell is going on?" Emmett asks confusion clear on his concerned face.

"I have never seen Mr. Cullen act like that." Jasper states his voice riddled with distress. He is looking over at me. "Isabella. Are you alright?"

I shake my head and then look down. Rosalie is by my side in mere seconds, whispering to me. "If this turns out badly we get the fuck out of here. You hear me?" she says but I don't respond. "Swan! Look at me." She raises her voice, forcing me to look at her. "If this shit goes bad, we leave. Understand?" I sigh and nod.

I am still watching the door, waiting for the verdict. They are probably in there telling Edward everything. I should have told him before this. The longer they are in there the more worried I become. After what seems like an eternity Edward emerges followed by Mr. Cullen and Dr. Masen. He is carrying a crumpled piece of paper in his hand and doesn't look happy. He walks over to me, taking my hand. He takes me upstairs to a room I would presume is his old bedroom. He closes the door and then leans against the dresser.

"I'm not mad at you." He finally says but I am not so sure I believe him. "But I am pissed that my dad would do this." He says as he waves the crumpled paper at me.

"What's that?" I ask but I can tell by the font what it is.

He stares at me for a minute before speaking. "It's your criminal record."

I take a deep breath. That's what I thought it was. His dad must have run a background check on me or something. Geez, I guess that is something rich people do.

"I see." I say swallowing loudly. "Do you want to ask me about it?" I say looking at him. Trying to prepare myself for what is going to happen next.

"I didn't read it Isabella." He states nonchalantly.

"You didn't read it?" I ask completely surprised. What does he mean he didn't read it? Why wouldn't he?

"No." then he sighs. "Why did my dad mention the fourth?"

I take a deep breath. "It's the reason I was referred to your mom in the first place."

He nods and moves his hand in a rolling manner, motioning for me to continue. I take a deep breath and start talking.

"On the fourth I was leaving someone's house near the U. I still wanted to party but was just planning on going home when I ran into a couple of guys leaving one of the frat houses. We went to the U and hung out behind the fireworks display and "hooked up" with one another." I say, hoping that will be enough.

He closes his eyes and lets out a deep breath before looking back at me, "So, by hooking up you mean you had sex with both of them, at the U?" I cringe and nod. "At the same time?" he asks and I already see the hurt in his eyes as I nod.

"So how does that relate to my mom?" he asks.

I sigh, "Campus security came upon us and when they asked for I.D.'s the two guys I was with were under 18."

His mouth parts and he looks stunned and then something else flashes across his face, I don't know, recognition I think. And his expression changes from hurt to anger. "Are you talking about Riley & Alec?"

Now it's my turn to stare in shock. How does he know that? Oh fuck! Does he know about what happened? Finally I nod because words seem pointless right now.

He gasps and sits on his bed, breathing hard. "That was you?"

And for a brief moment I think I see disgust cross his face before he buries his face in his hands. Holy shit! He already knows. I need to do something. Fuck! I approach him and get on my knees in front of him, moving his legs apart so I can go in between them; I lean in to him, moving his hands from his face and kiss him lightly on the lips. He doesn't push me away so I continue to kiss him and then reach for his pants and start unbuttoning them. Maybe if I can just make him feel good we can do this better. He reaches his hands to mine, stopping them from moving any further and pulls away from me.

"Stop, Isabella. That's not going to fix this. I just…" he takes a deep breath. "I just need to think for minute." He says as he arches away from me.

I take my cue and step away from him as he puts his face in his hands again. I stare at him for a few moments and then start backing up towards the door. When I feel it, I close my eyes as I take the knob in my hand, turning it slowly. I open my eyes again and see the hurt that I caused and then slip out of the room quietly. I quickly run down the stairs trying to hold back the tears that are threatening to burst forward.

"I need to go!" I say to Rosalie as I hit the living room, my voice trembling with fear and anguish. She gets up quickly and grabs Emmett's keys.

I turn to Dr. Masen. "You were wrong. He didn't understand." And now the tears are coming. I hear his door open and turn to look at all of them. "Please, I can't talk to him right now."

Rosalie grabs my arm and looks at Emmett. "If he comes after us, I am withholding sex until further notice."

He nods; "I won't stop him but I will hold him off until you can at least get her home." He says.

We head to the door and as the door slams behind us, I hear Edward running down the stairs.

"Isabella, Stop!" he shouts panicked.

I bend down taking off my heels and run to the Escalade, getting in quickly and see Edward in the side mirror exit the front door with Jasper and Emmett by his side, they are saying something to him and Emmett has his arm in a death grip. My phone rings and I glance at it seeing it is Edward. I don't pick it up.

"What the hell happened?" Rosalie finally asks as we are heading back into town.

"He knew about Riley & Alec; I saw that look on his face." I pause, not wanting to say anything else, and then finally say quietly, "He didn't want me." I look out the car window, watching as my life passes behind me.

When we arrive at my house I turn and look at her. "Will you stay with me tonight?" then I look down and sigh, "I need to get drunk and I don't want to do anything stupid like call Jake or something equally bad."

She runs her hand down my face, wiping the smeared make up from under my eyes. "I'm so sorry Bella." Then she smiles at me, "And, of course I will stay and keep you out of trouble."

We get out of the car and head inside. Edward has already called ten times just on the ride over here. I know he will probably come by the house. He is probably on his way over right now. I just can't do this. I knew I wasn't meant to have this kind of happiness, I knew he was too good to be true.

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><p><strong>AN…. *sigh* well, that didn't turn out quite like either of them had planned. But does anything in Bella's life EVER turn out as planned. Yes, she probably jumped the gun a bit here but this is Bella we are talking about. There's this old line from the movie Pretty Woman, I know, I know, but hear me out. The line is "The bad stuff is easier to believe, ever notice that?" and ya know what, for someone who is so used to bad things happening, it is definitely easier to believe he doesn't want me versus he loves me…. Ha! I bet you didn't see that coming, well I hope I surprised most of you. I know everyone expected her to freak about Dr. Masen but yeah, Carlisle was a bit of a punk to her. Okay, so next chapter will pick up from Edward's POV cause you know our boy is a MESS! So as always, review; let me know what your thoughts are.**

**On a side note… while I was re-editing this chapter I was watching a special on Showtime called Talihina Sky: The Story of Kings of Leon and my God! That was so interesting. I knew most of their backstory but seeing it visually was amazing. And of course it's my nature to overanalyze everything so I was having a field day analyzing the whole family, hell the whole community…LOL, But I swear I LOVE Caleb's angsty ass. He writes some great songs! Check out the show if ya get a chance but be warned it is brutally honest. It seriously made me love them even more.**

**Also, my girl Amanda is keeping my ass busy with all of her extra-curricular activities, LOL... I know I just told ya about Die, Daddy C, Die (voting has ended for that one and unfortunately she didn't win it) BUT she is also participating in ANOTHER contest. It is the Slash/Backslash 3.0. Now I can't promote her individual story but check out the community page and it will be there along with many others… the link is ****www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/community/Slash_Backslash_3_0/74941/14/0/1/ Voting begins 9/6/11 so check out the stories so when it comes time for voting you will know who to vote for.**


	24. Ch 23: Meet the Parents, Part 2

**Rating: M- For lemons (lots of them), language and situations. So this means if you're under 16 please be responsible for yourself.**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer is the sole owner of the world of Twilight. I am just having a little harmless fun with her characters.**

**My thoughts and prayers to all those on the East Coast, to my fellow Robsessors affected by the Hurriquake, be strong girls and to my girl Christy, you better stay safe and look out for those AWESOME boys in your life and hell you're a New Yorker so I know you can handle ANYTHING!**

**Once again thank you to my amazing Beta's A & C for your guidance, encouragement & support. You two make my craziness seem normal, LOL... Now, you know that I am incapable of holding back on everyone when I have several chapters written soooooo, I am giving you this early. I guess the inabilty to delay gratification is a character trait I share with our dear Bella...LOL... Don't forget to check out the blog for the updated song for this chapter. Now, my beta's and I looked for songs to fit this chapter and in the process I came across this song. Its weird how one search can lead to another, can lead to another. But anyway, when I heard this song I knew, THIS is where Edward is during this chapter.**

**Okay, well, last chapter was a bit difficult for our troubled couple. So what is the deal with Daddy C? And how does Mike fit into all this? Ah, well, let's see what kind of chaos is going on with our poor Edward.**

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><p>In my darkest state of mind, I am riddled with despair<br>When I try and close my eyes, your voice is all I hear  
>I will think of you tonight, I will hold back all my tears<br>I've waited all these years

Please don't go away, you're making a mistake  
>You and I were meant to be<br>You opened up my eyes and made me realize  
>Now it's changing everything<br>Its crazy how I feel this way, I can't explain don't go away

I see your shadow all the time; I see your face inside my mirror  
>Like a sunset in the sky, you distract me from my fears<br>I keep holding it inside and I wish that you were near  
>It's better when you're near<p>

Don't Go Away by Buckcherry

**Chapter 23: Meet the Parents, Part 2**

EPOV

"So, Isabella, Mike Newton says he knows you." My dad says and the laughter at the table stops as we all turn to look at him.

I don't know what his problem is today but he has been acting weird all evening. I don't understand any of this. He knows how much I love Isabella. We have talked extensively about her and here he is treating her like shit. I look at Isabella and she is looking at him with a stunned expression on her face.

"Yes, we have met before." She finally says, not looking away from him.

This is ridiculous. I glare at my father and state angrily, "What the hell does that asshole have to do with anything, dad?"

He turns to look at me and tells me to watch my language. I can't say asshole but he can give my girlfriend a death glare and that is supposed to be okay. Then he turns back to Isabella and says something about the fourth. What the hell is he talking about? What does the fourth of July have to do with anything?

But when he mentions it she drops her fork which breaks my attention away from my dad. I turn to look at her and see that she is breathing fast. What the hell! Then I hear my mom shout my dad's name but I can't look away from Isabella. She looks like she is hyperventilating or something. When I finally glance back up my dad is still staring at her, waiting for her to reply.

"After, I met him after the 4th." She finally says quietly.

"I see." He replies, but I have had enough.

I won't let him treat her like this. I stand up, pushing away from the table. What I am going to do I am not exactly sure but I need to do something. I can't believe he is acting like this. He didn't act this way when Alice brought Jasper over for the first time and he certainly didn't act this way when he met Kate.

He stands up and looks at me, I am sure he is pissed that I am challenging him but I don't care. He is just staring at me; well staring is sort of an understatement because he has shifted his glare to me. And, now I see what his competitors must see when they go up against him. He is probably wondering how far I am willing to take this. Well, I am not backing down.

"Edward! Go to my study." He finally says furiously.

When I don't move he bellows out, "NOW!"

I can't help but flinch, angry at myself for giving him that much power over me but I do as he says because I don't want to do this in front of everyone. So I turn around and walk towards the study. I hear my mom say something to him but I am not sure what she says. All I really hear is his footsteps behind me and then my mom as she shuts the door behind us.

He walks around me to his desk and pulls out several papers from the drawer. He is glancing at them reading over whatever is written on them as my mom stands by the side of the desk. Her arms are crossed and she is staring at my father. She looks angry as well.

"What the hell is wrong with you dad? You know how much I love her and your acting like this." I stutter out.

I am so angry at him but my dad isn't the type of person you yell at. Not that he has ever hit us or anything but he just strikes fear in people when he is like this. He looks up from his papers with anger clear on his face. Well angry and something else I can't really identify.

"I know how much you love her son but I don't think you are entering this thing with your eyes open." He finally says a little softer than his look would imply.

"Carlisle, please don't do this. It isn't going to help." My mom pleads with him. He turns to look at her and tries to maintain his hard expression but can't. But at the same time he gives her no indication that he is going to stop doing whatever it is he is planning on doing. He turns back to me and walks around to the front of his desk, leaning against it.

"Last week, Mike Newton approached me after one of our meetings." He starts to say.

"All this is related to something Mike said?" I state angrily, interrupting him, "How could you believe anything he says? He has always done things behind my back. He HATES me!" Well, the feeling is actually mutual because I despise his very existence.

Now, my dad is furious as he pushes away from the desk, standing straight and looking me in the eyes, causing me to step back slightly. "Edward, DO NOT interrupt me when I am speaking. You will NOT disrespect me like that." The rage in his voice startles me.

I begin to say something but I don't. I have only seen my dad angry a handful of times and he has never been angry at any of us. So his behavior today is unexpected and basically concerns the hell out of me. I have seen him go off on a few employees who he ended up firing shortly afterwards. And that was scary as hell. My dad is generally kind and caring but I know he will not hesitate to be ruthless when the situation calls for it. I guess I never thought the situation would call for him to be ruthless with someone I love.

"As I was saying." He starts again and glares at me, telling me with his eyes to keep my mouth shut. "He made the comment that he was surprised that I was allowing someone like Isabella to be so close to my family." I start to say something again but his look stops me. "At first I ignored the comment, knowing his history with you. But then later on in the week I overheard him talking to another employee outside my office. He was discussing the fact that he dated Isabella as well and that she was a bit of a wildcat." He hesitates for a minute, watching my expression and then continues, "He had also made some derogatory comments related to why he suspected she was with you. So I took him in my office and reprimanded him for gossiping about the two of you."

He sighs as he watches my expression go from annoyed to enraged to finally calm again. Well at least he reprimanded him. I would have preferred that he fired him or better yet shifted some of this rage to him versus my Isabella. I guess a formal reprimand from my father is pretty bad though but not bad enough. Mike has gone too far this time. I never cared when he talked shit about me. I didn't even care when he told everyone at school I was gay all because of some stupid girl he liked. And even when he sabotaged my spot on the baseball team in high school I really didn't give a damn but him messing with Isabella crosses the line. I look up when I hear my father start speaking again.

"In the process of me reprimanding him he apologized and said he thought I should know that Isabella had a record and that it might look badly on the company if that record should get out." He states firmly.

He is watching as I clench my fists, closing my eyes trying to get a hold of my anger. God I am going to kill Mike. How dare he talk about her like that? He's so full of shit. Like Isabella would ever date him. Okay, it's bad enough she fucked him but I know that is all it was. But now, he is talking to my dad like he has some insight into her. I'm going to kill him when I see him again. I take a couple of deep breaths and then open my eyes. My dad is still watching me, his expression conflicted. I motion for him to continue.

"I asked how he knew this information and he said that he knew a lot about her and that if Mrs. Cullen was concerned maybe I should be as well." He finally says.

I glance at my mom who is now sitting down, looking at me with a troubled expression on her face. "I went to see your dad the day I realized you and Isabella were dating. I was very confused about the situation and I wanted to know what your father knew since he had told me you two had discussed it. Mike overheard your dad say to me not to be so worried about you two but at the time I still was. Well I am sure you remember last Monday." I just nod at her.

My dad starts speaking again, "So I decided that maybe I should check things out myself as your mom wouldn't tell me anything about Isabella. I wasn't 100% sure that what Mike was saying wasn't true so I ran a background check on her." He walks over to me and hands me a paper.

I glance down at it and look back at him, "What's this?" I ask but I am sure it is the background check, telling me every single thing she has done in her past, things I don't need to know. Well, I am sure there are a few things I should know but she will tell me when she is ready.

"It's her record, son. Do you have any idea the kind of charges she has against her?" He stares at me, arching his brow, waiting for me to respond.

"I don't care." I say as I crumple the paper in my hand, "It is in the past and she will tell me when she is ready to." I say adamantly.

"See, Carlisle. He…" my mom starts to say but my dad puts his hand up, telling her to be quiet without words. He hasn't taken his eyes off of me.

"That's very naïve son. Has she told you about the fourth? That seems particularly relevant." He starts to say and my mom stands up.

"That is NOT your story to tell Carlisle. I will not allow you to do that. She is going to talk to him about it and you will NOT take that from her." My mom shouts at him.

He is just staring at her, conflicting emotions crossing his face. "Fine" he huffs at her, "I won't say anything but she isn't being honest with him and I don't like that. That doesn't bode well for her character and I don't want my son with someone who will be deceitful to him. Someone who will take advantage of him." He says with bile.

"You know nothing about her Carlisle." My mom says defending Isabella.

"Are we done in here?" I finally say, still pissed off. "I need to get back to Isabella."

"No, what you need to do is talk to Isabella." He says, moving away from the desk, standing straight again, looking menacing. "Or I will." He says forcefully.

I stare at him and in that moment I know his plan is to take her aside and blast her with this information. He can be very intimidating. I know Isabella is strong but I can't allow this to happen. My father and I have always gotten along and in my heart I know he means well but this is out of control. I can't have him attack her. I need to protect her from this bullshit.

"Fine. I'll talk to her but you're going nowhere near her." I shout and turn around, opening the door before I can see his expression.

I walk back to the dining room and I am sure my dad is following close behind me. In fact, I know it. I feel his presence. I look at Isabella and she has this panicked look on her face. I won't do this here, out in front of everyone, so I take her hand and lead her to my bedroom upstairs. I close the door and walk over to the dresser leaning against it.

"I'm not mad at you." I finally say. "But I am pissed that my dad would do this." I say as I wave her court papers towards her.

"What's that?" she asks.

I stare at her for a few minutes before speaking. "It's your criminal record."

She takes a deep breath. "I see." And then she swallows loudly. "Do you want to ask me about it?" she says, looking at me.

"I didn't read it Isabella." I state.

"You didn't read it?" she looks stunned. Why would she think I would invade her privacy like that?

"No." I say sighing. "Why did my dad mention the fourth?"

She takes another deep breath. "It's the reason I was referred to your mom in the first place."

I nod and move my hand in a rolling manner, motioning for her to continue. God! I just want to get this over with so we can get the hell out of here.

"On the fourth I was leaving someone's house near the U. I still wanted to party but was just planning on going home when I ran into a couple of guys leaving one of the frat houses. We went to the U and hung out behind the fireworks display and "hooked up" with one another." She says quickly.

I close my eyes for a moment and let out a deep breath; I open my eyes and look at her. "So, by hooking up you mean you had sex with both of them, at the U?" she cringes and then nods. Great! "At the same time?" I then ask, but I really don't want to know the answer to that question. When she nods my heart just drops into my stomach.

"So how does that relate to my mom?" I whisper out.

She sighs before continuing, "Campus security came upon us and when they asked for I.D.'s the two guys I was with were under 18."

So not only was she with two guys at the same time, they were underage. Holy Shit! Wait a minute, I remember something about this. God, what was it? Emmett was throwing one of his crazy parties and Ben's brother, what was his name? Oh yeah, Riley, tagged along. He was rambling on about this before I met her. Oh God! He was talking about how he and Alec fucked this hot chick on the Fourth of July. He was going into the details when I left. Shit, I didn't need to hear all that then and I most certainly don't want to hear it now. That was MY Isabella doing that, I feel sick. And all of a sudden I am filled with rage, not towards Isabella but towards those two assholes, especially Riley. I don't care if he was with her, okay that's not true but shit, he didn't need to be telling everyone what happened.

"Are you talking about Riley & Alec?" I finally rasp out.

Now she is staring at me with what looks like shock on her beautiful face. Shit! What does she have to be shocked about? I'm the one that just found out my girl fucked two 17 year olds at my school. Fuck! Everyone knows about that incident. It's sort of college lore now. I can't believe that was Isabella. I let out a deep breath and sit on the bed before muttering out what I already know to be true.

"That was you?" I say to her and then just bury my face in my hands. This can't be happening.

I feel her move my legs apart and push her way to me, moving my hands away from my face as she kisses me lightly on the lips. My head is spinning but my body is already responding to her touch, which is sort of pissing me off. I can't think straight when she is kissing me or touching me. Nothing else ever matters but being inside her, filling her completely and watching as I make her scream in ecstasy. When she moves her hands to my pants I know I need to stop her or we will just be fucking on my bed and nothing will get resolved. So I move my hands over hers and stop them from unbuttoning my pants, much to my cock's dismay and pull away from her kiss.

"Stop, Isabella. That's not going to fix this. I just…" I take a deep breath. "I just need to think for minute." I say moving away from her slightly.

Can't she see we need to talk about this? I just need to get my bearings and when she steps away I put my face back in my hands. Okay, what do I do about this? I need to process all this information. Obviously Riley probably exaggerated the incident about the fourth. He seems like the kind of guy that would do that. Especially since he was at a big boy party and wanted to impress all of Emmett's friends. I take a couple steady breaths, calming my nerves. I told her she could tell me anything, that whatever she told me wouldn't matter. And to be honest, it doesn't now that I think about it. How can I be angry with her for something she did before we met? I mean, I don't like it but that's who she was not who she is. God! I just need to hold her so I look up to have her come to me. Where did she go?

I hear footsteps on the stairs. Oh Shit! I burst out of the door and see her saying something to my mom as Rosalie grabs her arm. I start running down the stairs. I need to catch her before she takes off.

"Isabella, Stop!" I shout as the door slams behind them.

I run to the door and see her getting into Emmett's SUV. Emmett grabs my arm and Jasper puts his hand on my shoulder essentially stopping me from going anywhere.

"E, calm down." Jasper whispers to me. Calm down. Is he kidding me? How the hell can I calm down when Isabella is leaving?

"Let go Emmett, I need to stop her!" I say and he shakes his head at me.

"No man, you need to let her go home and cool down. Rosie is with her, she'll look after her bro. But you can't approach her right now." He says coolly. "She needs to calm down and you need to tell us what the hell is going on."

I pick up my phone and call her but she doesn't pick up. I try several more times and she still doesn't pick up.

"Fuck!" I shout at the top of my lungs.

"E, it will be okay." Jasper says calmly beside me. "Let's go inside and figure this out."

I just nod, looking in the direction Isabella went. Emmett releases his death grip on my arm. Shit! I am probably going to have a bruise there. I turn around and go inside with them and glare at my father.

"This is your fault!" I shout at him. "You could have taken me aside and talked to me. You could have called me when you got that information and asked me to come see you. You didn't have to ambush either of us. I'm your fucking son not some rival board member you are plotting against." I am so angry there are tears in my eyes. I can't believe he would do this.

"You needed to know and she wasn't going to tell you any other way." He says calmly, not at all disarmed by my anger or frustration.

I have never wanted to hit my father a day in my life, but right now, right now I just want to tackle him. I am glaring at him wondering if he comprehends that he is ruining my life. I start to say something but my mom starts talking before I can.

"No, Carlisle. You're wrong." My mom says, crossing her arms. "She was going to tell him but you forced it. And you of all people should know better."

"What's that supposed to mean?" he states, staring at her, the first sign of confusion on his face. He can never be angry at my mom that's for certain. So I don't say anything. He's not going to listen to me right now anyway, but he might listen to my mom.

"It means that of all people, you should know what it is like to be judged on your past. My father spent the first 10 years of our marriage hating you. No hate is too light of a word. He despised you Carlisle, you know that. He didn't care about your family's money, he knew the things you did, the life you had led before you and I met and he thought I deserved better. And he made sure he told me AND you that on every occasion he could."

He stares at her and for the first time today his expression softens and he seems lost. She walks up to him. "You just did to her what my father did to you. You know how that tore me up inside to not have my father's blessing, to know that he refused to see the man you really were, the man I loved and wanted to share my life with." She then runs her fingers along his jaw and he closes his eyes, breathing in deeply. "I can't believe you would do that to our son, that you would do something so cruel in spite of the fact that I begged you not to. You know how much I love you Carlisle but I am so disappointed and angry with you right now that it pains me to be near you." She says as she drops her hand and steps away from him walking over to me.

He gasps at her harsh words, and just stands there speechless and unsure of himself for probably the first time in his entire life. I have never seen my mom talk to him like that and I have never seen my father look the way he does right now. Did my granddad really act that way? Well, if he did, I never saw it. So how could he do that to Isabella after what he went through?

"Tell me what happened Edward." My mom says to me, forcing my eyes away from my father, "And don't leave anything out. I need to know, word for word." She says firmly.

I look at her and sit down. God! This is just too much, my head is spinning. She is watching me and I sigh as I proceed to tell her what transpired upstairs. Starting with her telling me about the fourth, how I had a hard time accepting what happened when I realized the situation she was referring to and as I reach the part where I stopped her, she closes her eyes and sighs.

"Man, E. That is fucked up." Emmett says shaking his head as I look at him. "I can't believe that 1.) You believed any of that shit Riley said and 2.) You got upset about something she did before she even met you."

"E, you knew she had been with a lot of people. You can't judge her on it now." Jasper says sitting down next to me.

"I know. I wasn't judging her." I say flustered, but I am sure now that is what she probably thinks I was doing. "I just needed to think about what she had said; to just piece it together. Plus, I was all worked up because of how this day was going, the way dad was acting. I was pissed but not at her. She misinterpreted that. That's why I need to talk to her." I sigh as I run my hand through my hair.

"Edward, her natural instinct is to run. If you chase her down she will just run faster." My mom interjects.

"So what am I supposed to do? I need to see her. I need to fix this." I say frantically. I look at my phone and try calling her again, still no answer. God! I must have already called her 10 times. I sigh looking at Emmett and Jasper. And then get up.

"I'm going over there." I say and start heading for the door.

"Alright, but I'm coming with you." Emmett says putting his huge arm over my shoulders, "If Rosie sees you without me she will kick my ass." He says laughing and then leans in to me, "And if I don't get laid because of this I'm kicking your ass." He says winking.

He then takes my keys from me, "Friends don't let friends drive while emotionally impaired." He says laughing and I just look at him, furrowing my brows. Does he seriously think this is a joke? "Oh come on E, you know that was funny." When he see my expresison he just sighs and taps my shoulder as he heads to the driver's side of the car.

Emmett loves driving my car; it's a silver Jaguar XK and it is exceptionally fast. My father had given it to me a few years ago. He had always sort of understood that I didn't really care about money. But by the time I got to college it was starting to wear on him. He hated that I didn't dress the part and didn't want to go into business. I guess being his only son I was supposed to end up working for him and eventually taking his place as CEO of Cullen Enterprise. In time though he accepted my career choice and even accepted my, what did he call it, my Hobo lifestyle or something like that. At the time I had told him that I just wanted to make it on my own. It was the only argument we had ever had, up until today that is. His response had been that I would never "make it on my own" because I was a Cullen and that would always open doors for me. He had told me that I was fooling myself if I didn't believe that our money changed the way people saw us. The next week the Jag was delivered.

I sigh as I get into the passenger side. This damn car is way too flashy for me but you don't turn down something my father gives you. I'm surprised he didn't get a personalized plate that said Cullen on it. I think it was his way of making sure people knew who I was and that I came from money. When I drive anywhere everyone just stares, it's annoying, mostly because it proves my father's point. But of course I didn't give in completely and it is pretty damn funny when I jump out of this expensive car in wrinkled clothes and a ripped t-shirt with my baseball cap pulled down over my eyes. I was actually going to trade it in for something more practical but Emmett had a heart attack and begged me not to. I figured what the hell. Who cares anyways?

The drive to Isabella's was quick with Emmett driving. When we pull up to her house I see Emmett's SUV in the driveway so I know she is home. I jump out before he has even put it in park. I am knocking on the door but no one answers. Oh Bullshit! I am not leaving so I keep on knocking until eventually Rosalie appears.

"I need to see her Rosalie." I state adamantly.

"She doesn't want to see you Edward." She says, looking over my shoulder at Emmett who is walking up.

I could push past her but I think Emmett would tackle me before I got very far. Finally I opt for begging.

"Please, Rosalie. I need to see her. I need to talk to her." I plead.

She glances back inside and then steps outside, closing the door behind her.

"Look Edward. I am not saying Swan is right or wrong, but whatever happened upstairs, you hurt her and I believe that we already established what would happen to you should you hurt her." She says, arching her brow at me and crossing her arms.

I step back instinctively remembering our conversation in the elevator several weeks ago. I stare at her, not sure what my next move should be. Shit! She's not going to voluntarily let me in and Emmett will definitely take me out if I try to force my way in.

"Can I just talk to her through the door then?" I ask.

She sighs and then nods as she steps aside. She looks over at Emmett, probably sending him some private message to tackle me if I cross some imaginary line.

"Baby, please let me in." I press my forehead against the door. "I'm sorry, let me come in, let me fix this. Don't walk away from me, from us, without talking to me." I slam my fist against the door, "Please. Bella, I love you, I need you." Fuck it. I take the door handle in my hand and Emmett is on me before I even know what hit me.

"Don't do it, E. Let's just go home. She'll call; she just needs to think this through." He says in my ear.

I just close my eyes, nodding. Bella has got her guard dog at the door and her guard dog has a fucking bear guarding it. I'm not getting in without permission from Isabella.

"Let go, Emmett." I finally muster out and he releases his hold on me.

"Baby, call me." I say to the door, hoping she can hear me. "I love you." And then turn around to head back to my car. Emmett is talking to Rosalie and then comes running up to the car, jumping in.

"Sorry about that back there. But you know E, when a woman is upset it is best to let them cool down, cry, get drunk, whatever they need to do before you come groveling. Trust me. It works better that way." He says all knowing.

"What the hell do you know about that, you don't have girlfriends, you'll screw anything that moves." I say sarcastically to him.

He laughs loudly, "Hey man I don't screw anything that moves" he says grinning like an idiot. "I read Cosmo and shit. They have some good ass advice in there. You should read it sometime, learn what to do and NOT do." He says winking at me and I just stare at him. I swear this guy is just weird sometimes.

When we get to the house I just head to my room and lay on the bed thinking about the day and how all hell broke loose. God if I could just go back to the beginning of the day I would have bypassed my parent's house all together. Maybe we should have listened to her gut feeling that things were going to turn out badly. I glance at my phone and dial her number again.

"I know you aren't picking up but I am hoping you are checking your messages. Baby, please call me. We need to talk." I sigh, "I love you." I say and hang up.

I hear a light knock on my door and then Alice steps inside.

"Can I come in Edward?" she asks softly.

"You're already in Alice; it's a little late to ask permission." I say to the ceiling.

She walks over and sits on the bed next to me. "Are you okay?" she asks as she runs her fingers through my hair.

"No, Alice I'm not okay." I say closing my eyes.

"Just give her time. I know it isn't in your nature to sit back and wait for something to happen but just let her think about it. When I am angry at Jasper he just leaves me alone until I calm down."

I laugh. "Yeah, Shorty. When exactly was the last time you were angry at Jasper?"

"Well, it doesn't happen often. You know, in spite of what everyone believes, I have my bad days as well." She says huffily.

Oh God! That is hilarious. Alice has never had a bad day in her life. I think the world would stop spinning if she did.

"That's a good one sis. Are you trying to be funny?" I say laughing, "You've never had a bad day in your entire life." I shake my head grinning, thankful that I can smile about something.

She laughs and hits my arm. "I have bad days so shut up." She says laughing and then leans down kissing me on the forehead.

"Well, I think bad days are pretty much MY forte' don't you think?" I say closing my eyes and breathing in deeply.

"I love you Edward. Stop worrying! It will work out. You two are meant to be together." She says as she runs her small hands through my hair. Then she gets up and leaves my room.

Give her time, Huh? I don't know if I am capable of doing that. I already feel like a piece of me is missing. I can't bear the thought of her being angry or hurt and me not being able to do anything about it. I turn off my light and just lay in the dark with my phone in my hand, willing it to ring. I don't know when it happens, but I finally fall into a very restless sleep. Hearing her beautiful voice telling me she loves me.

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><p>The next morning I wake startled and check my phone; still no calls from Isabella. I sigh and get up to get dressed. I just throw on some jeans and a t-shirt and grab my backpack. Jasper is in the kitchen when I come out.<p>

"Geez, E. Did you sleep at all?" he asks concerned.

"I don't know, a little." I say as I grab an apple from the fridge. "I'll catch you later." I say and walk out.

School was simply a waste of time today. I have no idea what any of my instructors said, I don't know what any of my friends said, hell, I didn't hear half the conversation Tanya had with me about our project. I keep checking my phone, hoping Bella will call, but by the time I head home she still hasn't.

Both Emmett and Jasper are home when I walk in. I am sure I must look bad based on the way they are both looking at me. And I just sigh as I plop down on the couch.

"I am so fucked! I need to see her. Why hasn't she called me?" I say glancing at the two of them.

"Rosie said she stayed all night and that Bella just drank until she passed out. That's probably why she didn't call last night." Emmett says without his usual boisterousness. "She's probably just sleeping it off." he says frowing slightly.

I just close my eyes, imagining her drinking herself to sleep instead of having me hold her until she falls asleep in my arms. How can she just not talk to me at all, not call, nothing. This situation is just bad anyway you look at it.

"E, do you want to go back over there? I'll take you." Jasper offers.

I shake my head, "No. I want to but I just can't." I take a slow breath in and out. "I want to give her time; I don't want to scare her off." I look to the ground and run my hand through my hair. "I have a paper I am going to work on. I'll be in my room." I say getting up.

They both nod at me but they know me well enough to know that I am not going to be working on anything. I just want to be alone. I can't even think straight. When I get into my room I just lay on my bed, hoping for sleep to take me. I don't know what time I finally drift off, but all I can think about is Isabella. When my phone rings I am startled and let out a gasp when I see it is her.

"_Bella?" I say but there is nothing but silence on the other end._

"_Baby?" I say and hear crying on the other end and immediately start to panic. "Baby, are you okay?"_

"_No." she whispers through her sobs._

"_Baby, I need to see you. Please tell me I can come over." I say softly._

_There is nothing, just silence except for her crying. I can't stand it; I need to see her, to hold her._

"_Baby, I am on my way." I finally say._

_I barely hear her whisper "okay."_

I jump out of bed, throwing some clothes on and run outside to my car. For the first time in my life I am happy my dad got me a fast car as I speed over to her house. I need to hold her desperately and I can't get to her place quick enough. We have a lot to talk about but right now all I can think about is taking her in my arms, feeling her body flush against mine, and kissing her pain away.

When I get to her house I am breathing heavy. I jump out of my car and bolt to the door. I knock but she doesn't answer. The door is unlocked so I just go inside and walk to the bedroom. What I see isn't what I am prepared for. There is an empty bottle of Jack Daniels on the floor and another bottle on her nightstand that is ¾ gone. She is lying on the bed curled up in a fetal position. She is shaking like she is cold, but it isn't cold in here and it sounds like she is whimpering, like she is hurt or something. I don't even know if she heard me come in. My heart drops into my stomach and I can't stop the tears that are now coming from my eyes.

I take off my pants and shirt, leaving my boxers on. I don't want her to think I am there to have sex, but I need to hold her. I need to feel her body next to mine. I slip in behind her and surround her shaking body with my arms and legs, getting as close to her as I possibly can, making sure there is no part of me that isn't touching her. I can feel her heart beating fast against me as she takes rapid, short breaths. After a few minutes she lets out a deep breath and her breathing starts to slow down and her heart feels like it is beatting at a normal pace again.

"I love you Isabella." I whisper to her. "I will always love you."

She starts sobbing and turns her body around so that she can face me. The pain on her face startles me. Did I cause that? I can't even describe the terror I see in her eyes and realize that this look isn't about me. This is something else but I know I can't ask her yet. I run my hand down her face and she closes her sad and troubled eyes. I pull her into my arms and let her cry as I gently run my hand up and down her back. Whatever is going on we will handle together. I won't let her go through this alone.

* * *

><p><strong>AN…. Hmm, lots going on in this chapter. Yes, I know Mike deserves a serious beat down but trust that I won't let him get away with what he did *smiles wickedly* And, what about Dr. Masen putting Carlisle in his place. Told you she was FIERCE! Well folks, the next couple of chapters are going to be a little difficult. As you can see, Bella is not doing too well right now but Edward is there so that's what counts….. Alright folks, you know the drill… REVIEW; let me know your thoughts on this.**


	25. Ch 24: Dark Places

**Rating: M- For lemons (lots of them), language and situations. So this means if you're under 16 please be responsible for yourself.**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer is the sole owner of the world of Twilight. I am just having a little harmless fun with her characters.**

**CONTENT WARNING: This chapter contains physical and emotional violence that may be difficult to read. If you need to skip it, I completely understand.**

**Once again thank you to my amazing Beta's A & C for your guidance, encouragement & support. This was a difficult chapter for me to write as it left me emotionally drained, thanks for helping me through it. You girls are truly wonderful human beings and I heart you two big time! And Christy, I am so happy you and your boys weathered the storm so to speak. Irene couldn't hold you down! Special thanks to my mom for being so strong and for showing me that the past does not define us, we define us. **

**There are no new pictures this week but the song for this chapter has been added to the playlist. I have always loved this song and it fit really well with where Bella is right now and I love the video which is seriously sad.**

**Just a note about how the POV's will be set up. There is a lot going on in the next three chapters and for the sake of flow my Beta's and I decided that it worked better with split POV's. This chapter will start out with Bella, then go to Edward and end with Bella. It is clearly identified so it shouldn't be confusing...LOL**

**Now, last chapter ended with Bella in a really bad place. So let's take a look at what's been going on since she left the Cullen's.**

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><p>I always needed time on my own<br>I never thought I'd; need you there when I cry  
>And the days feel like years when I'm alone<br>And the bed where you lie, is made up on your side  
>When you walk away, I count the steps that you take<br>Do you see how much I need you right now?

When you're gone  
>The pieces of my heart are missing you<br>When you're gone  
>The face I came to know is missing too<br>When you're gone  
>The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it okay<br>I miss you

We were made for each other, out here forever, I know we were  
>And all I ever wanted was for you to know<br>Everything I do, I give my heart and soul,  
>I can hardly breathe; I need to feel you here with me<p>

When You're Gone by Avril Lavigne

**Chapter 24: Dark Places**

BPOV

I walk into my place with Rosalie close behind me. I immediately go to the cabinet and pull out a bottle of Jack. No shot glasses for me. I hear Rosalie come up next to me and grab a couple of shot glasses and then she takes the bottle from me. She pours us both a couple of shots and I throw mine back quickly, motioning for another. She pours me another and finally throws back hers.

"Rosalie, just give me the bottle." I say frustrated and impatient. Can't she see I just need to forget; I need to fucking pass out and pretend that this day didn't happen.

She sighs and hands the bottle over. We are almost done with it by the time I hear the knock on the door. I look up with a anguished expression on my face.

"He's not going to leave." Rosalie says, running her hand through my hair and taking the bottle away from me again.

"I can't talk to him right now." I say to the floor, feeling the flood of tears I am trying to stop, bubbling under the surface. "Please, make him go away." I look up at her, pain clearly visible on my face.

She just stares at me as Edward continues to pound on the door. Finally she rolls her eyes as he starts pounding louder. She gets up, walking to the door. I can't see him but I can feel him.

"I need to see her, Rosalie." He states forcefully and my heart sinks to the pit of my stomach just hearing his voice.

"She doesn't want to see you, Edward." Rosalie says calmly.

"Please, Rosalie. I need to see her. I need to talk to her." I hear him plead and I start breathing fast.

Rosalie looks inside and sees me hyperventilating, she sighs and then steps outside, closing the door behind her. I can't hear him anymore and I am up before my brain registers that I am moving. I shake my head, frustrated with myself and lean my back against the door. I eventually slide down, gravity and Jack Daniel's taking their toll. I am sitting on the floor unable to move from this spot when I hear him start talking.

"Baby, please let me in. I'm sorry, let me come in, let me fix this. Don't walk away from me, from us, without talking to me."

Why is he sorry? I am the one that is fucked up, the one not good enough, doesn't he see that? His father knows, he can see it, why can't Edward? I hear him slam his hand against the door, startling me.

"Please. Bella, I love you, I need you."

I can't stop the tears now. I bring my knees up and wrap my arms around them, sobbing next to the door. I hear muffled words and some kind of shuffling outside. What are they doing out there? Then I hear his desperate voice again.

"Baby, call me. I love you."

I take several deep breaths trying to control the tears that don't want to stop. After a few minutes Rosalie opens the door against me and squeezes through since I seem incapable of moving. She is just staring at me as she reaches her hand out to help me up. She walks me back to the couch and sits down next to me. When I reach for the bottle she moves it, taking a deep breath.

"Isabella." She starts to say and then stops when I look up at her. She frowns and then continues. "Maybe you need to talk to him."

"No, it's better this way." I say softly, looking back down.

She huffs at me. "It's better this way." She states angrily. "You're kidding right?" I don't look at her. "How exactly is this better?" she shouts at me and then pauses, softening her voice, "You are a mess, he is a mess. This doesn't seem better to me." She says as she moves my hair out of my face. "I am no relationship expert but it seems you need to talk to one another."

I don't say anything else. I just grab the bottle again and go to the cupboard to grab the other one in there. That's my last bottle. I might need to send Rosalie on a liquor run. I have a high damn tolerance for Jack Daniels and I have a feeling I am going to need a lot more before I am done. When I get to my bedroom I down what's left of the first bottle, dropping it to the ground, and open the next one. I take off this ridiculous dress I wore trying to impress his parents, what a joke. I just throw it in the corner angrily and slip on some shorts and a tank top. I close my eyes, seeing his face and hearing his anguished voice in my head. Then I just drink, I drink enough so that I am numb, that the pain I feel is gone and I can no longer feel the piece of my heart that is now gone. I fall asleep into the dark oblivion of my mind, hoping to never come out again.

* * *

><p>I wake up to the smell of coffee brewing. I try to sit up but my head is spinning and I just fall back down on the bed closing my eyes again. I don't know how long I sleep this time but I wake to the feel of someone running their fingers in my hair.<p>

"Edward?" I whisper.

"No, Swan, it's just me. If you want Edward you need to call him." Rosalie says softly. "Can you eat anything?"

I shake my head. God! I can't eat. I'll just throw it up anyway so what's the point?

"You should shower at least." She says, moving the hair out of my eyes.

I shake my head and she sighs. "Swan, I know your plan is to stay drunk today but I think you need to lay off the Jack. Alright?" she swallows hard, "It doesn't help you. It makes things worse. You know that."

I just shake my head again, and roll over, away from her.

"I have to go in for a few hours. There is a problem at the hospital but I will be back a little later to check on you. If you haven't showered voluntarily by the time I get back I will make you. There is food in the fridge and I made a fresh pot of the coffee you like. Please stick to that. You just reek of Jack Daniels, Bella. You are seriously bordering on having alcohol poisoning." She says getting up.

I just close my eyes and drift off again. I don't care if I reek of Jack and I'm a damn doctor I know I don't have the symptoms of alcohol poisoning, mostly. The next time I wake up Rosalie is shaking me. What the fuck! What is wrong with this Bitch!

"Leave me the fuck alone, Rosalie." I try to shout but my voice is shot.

"Not a chance in hell, Swan." She states calmly as she helps me up, leading me to the bathroom.

Sometimes having a best friend that is a tough as nails head nurse at a major hospital is a bad thing; with today being one of those times. She strips me and forces me in the shower, washing me off, and washing my hair. Fuck, this is embarrassing but it doesn't seem to bother her. She is rambling on about the things going on at the hospital as she showers me. When she finally turns the water off she looks at me.

"So, are you capable of drying yourself off and getting dressed or are you still too damn drunk?" she asks me arching her brow.

"I can do it." I say meekly. Fuck, I need another drink.

She walks out of the bathroom, leaving me alone in my misery. I walk back into the bedroom to change into a clean set of pajamas, glancing at the 3/4 empty bottle of Jack on my nightstand. Did I really drink that by myself? I shrug and take a swig before going out to the kitchen where I find Rosalie sipping some of the coffee she made earlier. She hands me a cup and I just stare it.

"Look Bella. I know you are confused and shit but you really need to call Edward. I was talking to Em earlier and he said Edward is pretty messed up about everything. I think you two should have a serious talk, a talk that doesn't involve you fucking each other."

I look up and stare at her. "He's not okay?" I ask confused. Fuck, I must have drank more than I thought I had because she isn't making any sense to me. Maybe I do need to lay off the Jack?

She looks at me like I have grown two damn heads or something. "Swan, you need to quit drinking." She states angrily at me. "Just call him please."

She stays with me until she has to go to work and then tells me she will stop by in the morning after her shift ends. I nod as I watch her go. Now what? I sit on the couch, running my hands thorough my hair. I grab my phone and sigh as I listen to the several messages Edward has already left.

I know I need to call him. I will do it in the morning when I have sobered up some more. That will give me a chance to think about what I need to say. I know I just need to be forthcoming about my past. Just lay it out there and see what happens. I get up and walk to the door, unlocking it so Rosalie can swing by on her way home without waking me up. I walk into the bedroom and crawl into bed, looking at his side, wishing he was here to hold me and tell me everything is going to be okay.

* * *

><p>"<em>Renee!" James shouts loudly, throwing things out of his way.<em>

"_What?" my mom says coming out of the bathroom._

_He hits her across the face as she flies across the room. I have seen them fight many times but she didn't even say or do anything this time. He's really angry. I sigh and think I better stay out of his way today. He walks into the bedroom so I walk over to her to see if she is okay. She is crying and holding her mouth; I move her hand and see that her mouth is bleeding. I get up and grab a towel, applying pressure to her wound, telling her to hold it in place until the bleeding stops. I sigh again when I hear him come out of the bedroom. _

_He walks over to me and kicks me out of the way. _

"_What the hell are you doing? You think you're some kind of doctor or something. You're nothing but a little bitch that gets in the way." He states angrily._

_I feel tears and find my voice for once. "I'm not a bitch. Stop calling me that!"_

_His nostrils flare as he approaches me. He grabs my throat and throws me across the room where I hit the wall, sliding down to the ground. He walks up to me, sneering as he speaks._

"_I will call you whatever the hell I want."_

"_I wish my dad was here, he would kill you for hitting me and my mom." I say looking into his dark eyes. I don't care what he does to me because that is the truth. My dad would have never let anyone hurt me or my mom._

_He glares at me and grabs me by my throat again, lifting me up so that I can see into his crazed eyes. When he sees that my eyes glaze a little he loosens his hold so that I can catch a breath before he starts choking me again. _

"_Well, I guess it is too bad your daddy is DEAD now isn't it?" he sneers at me._

"_James, leave her alone. It's me your upset with, not her." I hear my mom say. It's the first time I have ever heard her say anything to him in my defense._

"_Shut the fuck up, Renee. She started this shit. She needs to learn her place."_

_I start to black out again and he tosses me down. I bring my hands to my throat, gasping for air. He starts kicking me in the stomach and I feel something crack. I scream as the pain rips through me and I hear him laugh as he kneels down next to me. I start coughing up blood and know that can't be good._

"_You're not so mouthy now, are you?" he spits out._

_I hear my mom crying in the background and then hear his footsteps walk away from me. I need to get up; I need to get to the phone, to call for help. He is back though before I can even register where exactly I am in the house._

"_You have the makings to be one of those smart ass bitches who think they know everything. Is that what you think? You think you're smarter than me?"_

_He grabs me by my arm and yanks me up to my feet so hard that I hear my shoulder pop. I slouch down, unable to stand the pain in my side and now my shoulder is throbbing. But I don't have time to register anything else as I feel his hand hit my face with such force that I am sure I will never be able to use my mouth again. I fall to the ground, crying desperately. Can't anyone hear this? Don't the neighbors hear what he is doing?_

_He kneels down again, "I work with women like you, Bella." It's the first time he has used my actual name and it sounds weird coming from his vile mouth, "Smart and pretty, they walk around like they are better than everyone else. When I know that all they did was suck cock to get where they are." He grabs my face. "Is that going to be you Bella? Another cock sucking whore that sleeps her way to the top?"_

_He glares at me but I don't think he wants me to answer him because he starts hitting me over and over until he is finally tired and at that point he just slams my head against the floor, sending me into darkness. _

I wake up in a cold sweat, crying uncontrollably. I look at the bottle on my nightstand. I reach for it and then grab my phone instead. I don't know what time it is but I just need to hear his voice. I know if I hear him then I will know I am okay, that I am not 12 anymore because right now my Jack induced brain is betraying me.

"_Bella?" I hear him say._

"_Baby?" he says. I can't stop crying. "Baby, are you okay?"_

"_No." I whisper through my sobs._

"_Baby, I need to see you. Please tell me I can come over." He says softly but I hear panic in his beautiful voice._

_I just can't talk; all I can do is cry. I just need him to keep talking, his voice is like a soothing balm over my soul and I need it so much right now. I need him so much._

"_Baby, I am on my way." He finally says._

"_Okay." I whisper._

I drop the phone and curl up into a ball, crying so hard that I lose my breath. This can't be happening. My body is aching, it's like I can feel every blow James made. I can hear every hateful word he said. I start screaming trying to drown out his words. It's no use, he is still whispering to me, telling me that I am a piece of shit, I can't stand it. It's like I am right back there and I start hyperventilating until finally my eyes roll into my head and I go somewhere else, somewhere where I can't hear him or feel him.

I don't know how long I stay that way but eventually I feel arms around me, legs wrapped around me, his body is shaped to mine, and I feel myself coming back to reality. My heart feels like it is going to beat out of my chest and my breathing is erratic. He starts taking slow, steady breaths against me and my body automatically starts responding to him, mimicking him and soon my breathing is matching his and my heart is beating at the same pace as his. I let out a deep breath, feeling alive again.

"I love you, Isabella." he whispers. "I will always love you."

I start sobbing again as I turn to face him. I need to see him; I need to see his eyes. I need to know he is really here and that I am not dreaming. When I look at him he looks troubled, his eyes are soft but they look frightened. He runs his hand down my face and my brain can't register that he is actually here with me. I close my eyes, savoring his touch. He pulls me into his arms and I rest my head in the crook of his neck and just cry until I can't cry anymore and my body and brain succumb to slumber.

* * *

><p>EPOV<p>

She has been sleeping soundly for about an hour. She is breathing softly against my chest as I continue to run my fingers through her hair. I don't know what to do. She seems better right now but I need to talk to someone. I move slightly so that I can reach my cell phone. When I turn it on I realize it is 3:00 in the morning. I don't care. I sit up slightly and start dialing.

"Hello?" she says with panic in her voice.

"Hey mom. I know it is really early but I need to talk to you." I say quietly, not wanting to wake Isabella.

"Oh, God. Edward is everything okay? Where are you?" she stutters out, wide awake now.

"I'm at Bella's." I feel shattered; whatever is going on with Bella is affecting me as well.

"Is she okay?" she hesitates, "Son, what's going on?"

"She called me and when I got here…" I stop talking as I try to force the image of her on the bed out of my head; unfortunately it will probably be there forever.

"When you got there, WHAT?" she asks concerned.

"She was curled into a ball mom, just shivering and crying and when she looked at me…" I stop again, trying to fight the tears that want to come out.

"Edward, please talk to me. Do I need to hospitalize her?" she asks, in psychologist mode now.

"No, I don't think so. I am just scared. I don't know what to do." I say softly as I glance at Isabella.

She still smells like Jack Daniel's so that probably isn't a good sign. I look over at the nightstand. I hope she didn't drink all of that by herself. I remember seeing that liter bottle on the floor and the one on the nightstand is ¾ empty. I am not that much of a drinker but with as many parties as Emmett has thrown I know that she drank a lot to still smell like booze.

"Did she say anything to you?" my mom says breaking me out of my discouraging thoughts.

I take a deep breath before speaking. "No, she just cried and fell asleep. She's breathing okay now but when I got here her heart was beating real fast and she was breathing funny. I just held her and then she started crying uncontrollably until she finally fell asleep. She's been sleeping for about an hour. She drank a lot mom." My voice is cracking as I try to fight back my emotions. "Mom, what happened to her? How do I help her?"

She sighs, "She never told me what exactly happened. We didn't see each other long enough for her to tell me and then she met you so the content of our sessions shifted. I can say that she has had recurring nightmares related to a two year period in her life. I know it was severe enough that she has blocked a lot of it out. I think the best way you can help her is to just be there for her. Don't react to whatever she tells you. Don't get angry or even sad; you need to be neutral, Edward. I know that is hard for you but if you aren't she may shut down and not say anything."

I sigh. "How do I do that?"

"Edward, just let her lead you."

"Well, that shouldn't be a problem. She has been leading me since we met." I take a deep breath.

"Since she has had so much alcohol she is going to want to sleep a lot, which is okay as long as her breathing and heart rate stay normal. Try to get her outside if you can and make her eat, just not anything too heavy. Maybe some toast, eggs, things like that. She won't be real hungry but she still needs to eat. My guess is she hasn't eaten much over the last few days and it will be harder for her body functioning to stabalize without proper nourishment." She hesitates which sort of worries me. What isn't she telling me? "Edward…. You need to avoid sex if possible. That is how she forgets about what bothers her, that and alcohol. It doesn't sound like the alcohol worked so she is going to turn to sex."

"You want me to NOT have sex with Bella?" I stutter out, "How is that supposed to happen? I won't be able to tell her no. I have never been able to and the one time I did was a disaster."

I can't believe she would ask me to do that. I am breathing hard, I can't hurt her. I won't. I am already frantic as I think about how I am supposed to hold back both her and myself.

"Edward, I am not saying reject her. It's just important that you talk to her. If you two just jump to the sex piece she will distract you from talking. It's how she copes."

"I know. I just…" I try to steady my breathing but I am still having a hard time. "I need her too mom, it's not just her."

"I know." She pauses again, "Edward… how did you feel when you walked in and saw her?"

I don't say anything but I can feel tears coming down my face. I look down at Isabella; she looks so peaceful right now, like everything is okay. I try to maintain what little control I have on my emotions but know that control is waning.

"I don't know." I don't even recognize my own voice.

"Did it remind you of finding Kate?" she says softly.

I take a deep breath, "Bella wasn't dead." Those are the only words that come out of my mouth.

"I know son but it had to be difficult to see her in that state and not know if… if she had done something. Did you think she had hurt herself?"

"Yes." I say meekly. I start breathing fast, it's like there isn't any air to take in.

"Edward, breathe in, honey." I do what she says, "Now breathe out" I do as I'm told. "Do that a few times." I continue to take deep breathes in and out until I feel calmer. When my breathing starts regulating again my mom begins talking.

"Sweetheart, seeing Bella like that made you remember what you went through with Kate and it is triggering some of the anxiety you felt when that happened. You need to try and calm down."

"This is different mom; I love Bella more than anything. I can't even think right now. I am so scared for her. What if I can't help her? What if I can't fix this?" I say anxiously, starting to panic again.

"Edward, you really need to calm down. Bella needs you to be strong for her; she needs you to hear her. You are probably the only one she will open up to. I know that is a lot to take on but she loves you. You have to show her how to love sweetheart, she doesn't know how. No one has ever taught her, no one has ever shown her. She will respond to you but you need to be open to it. Are you able to do that for her? It's okay if you can't but you need to let me know so I can determine what I need to do." She says in a calm and soothing voice.

I just start crying full out now. I can't contain it. My mom hears me but let's me get it out, whispering that she loves me and that everything will be okay. After a few minutes I feel Bella shift below me so I start running my fingers through her hair again. She takes a deep breath and holds on to me tighter before settling back into her previous position and muttering I love you. I smile and wipe my tears. I know my mom is right. Bella needs me.

"I understand. I can take care of her." I say as I watch Bella breathing against my chest, "Thank you mom. I'm sorry I woke you."

"Nonsense, Edward. You can call me whenever you need to. Are you sure you are okay?" she asks

"Yes, I'm fine. I'm going to go now. I don't want to wake her up and I should try to get some sleep as well." I say softly, my body and brain completely worn out.

"Alright, son. If you need me you know where I am. Please just call me. I don't care what time it is." She says, trying to reassure me.

"I will. Goodnight mom." I say softly

"Goodnight Edward. It will be okay son, please try not to worry."

I hang up and lay back completely on the bed, wrapping myself around her. I feel her smile against me as I kiss the top of her head. What my mom said makes complete sense. I just need to try and control my emotions, try to stay calm and just let her go at her own pace. It's the sex thing that is going to be difficult. I want her as much as she wants me and when she kisses me or touches me, I just can't think clearly. I don't imagine that I will be able to restrain her or myself for very long but I can try.

* * *

><p>BPOV<p>

I don't know how long I sleep but I wake wrapped in Edwards's arms. I can't see the clock so I don't what time it is. He is breathing softly and when I shift he shifts with me. I can't believe we slept in the same bed and didn't have sex. Well, I was not in a place to have sex last night. I think I am finally coming out of my Jack induced stupor because things are not as fuzzy. God, I can't do that again. I can barely remember last night and the parts I do remember I want to forget. I'm not sure when Edward got here, whether it was last night or this morning but I am glad he is with me. I feel safe in his arms. I let out a soft breath when I feel his mouth against my hair.

"How do you feel, baby?" he whispers into my hair and gently runs his hands over me.

"Weird." I state.

I move so that I can look at him. He runs his fingers through my hair and smiles. I kiss him softly, moaning at the sensation of our lips touching. He opens his mouth and I move my tongue inside, kissing him deeply, not wanting to ever be apart from him. Then I remember what Rosalie said about us needing to talk without fucking. I pull away from him, sighing.

"We need to talk, don't we?" I say to him and he nods.

Well I am not sure how to do this but I lay down next to him. We both move on our sides, looking at one another. I take his hand in mine and intertwine my fingers with his.

"Why did you leave?" he says softly, squeezing my hand lightly.

"When I saw that look on your face, I was ashamed. I couldn't be there. I couldn't hear you say you didn't want to be with me anymore." I speak honestly.

"I will always want to be with you Isabella. There isn't anything you could say or do that would change that." He says with unfaltering certainty.

"But you pushed me away?" I ask confused.

He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. "Isabella, I was trying to think and I can't do that when you touch me, when we kiss. Because at those times all I can think about is making love to you. It's difficult for me to say no to you."

I smile because he has the same effect on me. "So, you still want me?"

"Of course." he says smiling.

I bring my hand out of his and run it along his jaw, kissing him lightly. I sigh and take on a serious expression, "Had you heard about what happened on the fourth?"

His smile leaves his face and he nods, "I met Riley before."

I close my eyes and then feel his fingers tracing the contours of my face. "Tell me." I whisper.

"Emmett was having a party and Riley came with his older brother Ben. We all know Ben, he is a good guy. I had never met Riley before that night. I usually stay in my room when Emmett has a party but I had gone out to get something to drink. So I see Ben and go over to say hi and that's when I heard Riley. He was talking about how he and Alec…" He hesitates and I look at him. He looks down for a minute and then continues. "He was bragging about being with you."

I take a couple of deep breaths. "I actually didn't have sex with him."

He looks at me surprised. "You didn't? But…"

"No. Well I gave him head but we were interrupted before he even came, so all of his bragging was just bullshit. He was just trying to impress you guys." I just shake my head. "Did he really say he had sex with me?"

He nods, "What about Alec?"

I nod, "Yes, I did have sex with Alec." I pause, "Do you really want to know this?"

"I want to know the truth and not the shit Riley is spreading. Who, by the way, I am going to beat the crap out of if I ever see him again." he says frowning, then adds "Right after I beat the crap out of Mike."

I smile. "Well, let's not go around laying the smack down on everyone okay?"

He grins, "Laying the smack down? Let me guess, you had a thing for _The Rock._"

I start laughing. "Hell yeah! That man is yummy. I would have smelled what he was cooking." He laughs and then rolls his eyes dramatically.

I get serious again, "Baby, I have been with a lot of men." I sigh, looking at him, "Are you sure you want to know all of this?"

"Bella, I won't overreact." He says before moving his fingers through my hair, "I'm sorry."

I look at him confused and he lets out a soft breath before continuing, "I told you that you could tell me anything and the first time you did I sort of freaked out. I feel horrible about that."

I look at him and know that I need to trust this and that I need to be open and honest with him. As much as I need him, I can't have him if he doesn't know the real me. All the shady and fucked up pieces of me. I have to tell him. I have to tell him everything.

* * *

><p><strong>AN… Holy Smokes! Everyone doing okay? Ah, well, she was honest with Edward and that is some serious progress for her. Right? Well, you know what I want…REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW…LOL… let me know your thoughts.**

**On a side note….The effects of physical and emotional abuse can last a lifetime. Some people never work through it and in turn develop unhealthy coping mechanisms to deal with it. The more people are able to talk about these issues the better it gets for them. Thanks for reading this. It was difficult for me to write that section for lots of reasons. Unfortunately in my career I have heard stories similar to Bella's and some much, much worse.**


	26. Ch 25: Precious Pain

**Rating: M- For lemons (lots of them), language and situations. So this means if you're under 16 please be responsible for yourself.**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer is the sole owner of the world of Twilight. I am just having a little harmless fun with her characters.**

**Happy Labor Day everyone. Still not sure what this holiday is for but I don't have to work so who cares...LOL**

**Once again thank you to my amazing Beta's A & C for your guidance, encouragement & support. There are no new pictures this week but the new song has been added to the playlist. On that note I want to thank Christy for reminding me how freaking awesome Melissa Etheridge is. The song I used I think reflects Bella and the craziness that is her life and how this burden she carries, this pain she feels has defined her for so long that she isn't sure she can let it go.**

**Once again we have split POV's this chapter. We will start with Bella, go to Edward and conclude with Bella.**

**Now, last chapter was difficult but Edward is there now so let's see how "the talk" goes.**

* * *

><p>Everybody's got a hunger, no matter where they are<br>Everybody clings to their own fear, everybody hides some scar

Precious Pain  
>Empty and cold but it keeps me alive<br>I gave it my soul so that I could survive  
>Keeping me safe in these chains<br>Precious Pain

Everybody's got a reason, to abandon their plan  
>How can I think of tomorrow, with my sorrow in hand?<p>

Precious Pain  
>Empty and cold but it keeps me alive<br>I gave it my soul so that I could survive  
>Keeping me safe in these chains<br>Precious Pain

Each road that I walk down reminds me of you  
>This whole town is haunted; there'll never be anything new<p>

Precious Pain by Melissa Etheridge

**Chapter 25: Precious Pain**

BPOV

I take a deep breath. I am nervous as hell but I know I have to just put it all out there and deal with whatever happens, "Edward... Alec and Riley were not my first threesome but it was the first one in a long time. That night I had been drinking and was in a weird place. When we met it was sort of fun. They were young and hot and I thought what the hell. Why not? I didn't know they were high. When we were interrupted Riley lost his shit. He was yelling at the security guards, just being an asshole. I mean I thought it was because…" I hesitate and he nods at me to continue, "I thought it was because I stopped before he came but when I saw him at the school he was an asshole then as well so I think it is just his personality."

He frowns again and a flash of what looks like anger crosses his face but he nods, so I continue. "Technically they were underage but they had already reached the age of consent. So I was told if I did the mandated counseling and avoided any further sexual encounters at UW then the charges would be dropped."

He doesn't say anything right away. He just closes his eyes and inhales sharply. He looks so upset, maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all. I trace my fingers along his jaw gently, trying to figure out a way to make this better. I kiss him softly on his lips before speaking again.

"Of course, I have had a few sexual encounters at UW since then. You won't tell on me will you?" I say teasingly but he only offers me a small smile in return.

"So Riley approached you at the U?" he finally says, anger clear in his voice.

I sigh, not wanting to continue but knowing I need to. "Yes, last Monday. When we were interrupted I went to that coffee shop on campus and he saw me. He propositioned me and I sort of led him to believe I would go through with it so he would leave and then I took off."

"What did he say to you Isabella?" The anger in his voice is escalating.

"It's not important baby. I just feel really self-conscious about being at the school now. I don't want to run into him OR Alec."

He watches me and nods, taking several deep breaths. He offers me a small smile before telling me to continue.

"Edward, I have been having sex with Jake for the past couple of years on and off in spite of the fact that he is engaged; I had sex with Mike because I couldn't stop dreaming of you and I thought that if I just had sex with someone else I could forget about you. In fact I fucked Jake two days after I met you because I had a dream where I told you I loved you. I was a damn mess. I couldn't get you out of my head. It was very confusing."

I let out another deep breath and watch him. He is looking at me with the most serious expression I have ever seen on him. He had furrowed his brow at the mention of both Jake & Mike. He wanted to know and I wanted to tell him but shit! I trace my fingers over his brow, stopping where it is furrowed. He relaxes slightly and I look down, getting my bearings before he finally tells me to continue.

"I have had more one night stands than I care to mention. I don't even remember most of their names. That's how bad I have been." I finally look up at him, "I have never cared about any of the men I have been with. But you changed that and I can tell you this with certainty. I have never felt for anyone the way I feel for you."

He smiles and then leans over to kiss me softly. The feel of his lips on mine makes everything just feel right and when we finally break away from each other we are both just grinning. I run my fingers up and down his strong jaw and I think that so far this is going as good as could be expected. But, I need to know what happened behind those closed study doors.

"Will you tell me what your father told you?" I ask.

He frowns again and sighs, "Well, apparently Mike approached him after one of their meetings and made derogatory comments about you and then later in the week my dad overheard him making negative remarks about us and why you were with me. My dad reprimanded him and in that process Mike mentioned that you had a record and that it would look bad for the company if that should get out." He takes a deep breath, "I was really angry with the way my dad treated you at dinner and we argued. And after you left..." He hesitates, closing his eyes, "I have never wanted to hit someone as much as I wanted to hit my dad. If my mom hadn't stepped in and told him off I am sure we would have fought."

I am watching him; I finally close my eyes, shaking my head. When I open them again he is looking at me, concern etched on his face. "So, Mike basically said I was whore who had sex with two underage kids, and that normal people wouldn't like the idea that the son of the CEO was in love with said whore." I say nonchalantly, trying desperately to hide the hurt I really feel.

I look down again and sigh. I think that summed it up. I really don't like the idea that Edward was ready to fight his father though. I mean his father was an ass to me but I don't know. I don't think Edward realizes I have no honor to defend. And, hmm, Dr. Masen stood up for me? That's something unexpected. Usually people just push me aside and say I asked for whatever happens. When I look at him he is just staring at me.

"Isabella, I don't give a shit about my dad's company. The only thing that matters is you." He states decisively.

"It matters to me if I cause a problem between you and your father. Fathers are important, Edward." I close my eyes again and take a deep breath. I can't believe he would just throw his relationship away because of me. I don't want that. Why doesn't he understand this? Shit! I'd give anything to be able to fight with my father over someone I am dating.

"Baby, I am just angry at him. It doesn't mean I am going to stop talking to him forever." He says softly. "He needs to know that he can't treat people like that. What he did was wrong and I'm not going to act like it wasn't a big deal."

He starts to say something else and then stops himself. I sigh and look at him, "Edward just say whatever it is you want to say." How are we supposed to talk about shit if he won't ask me anything?

"Why do you do it?" he whispers out.

I look at him confused, "What do you mean?"

"Why do you use sex when you are upset?" he finally says looking into my eyes.

"Oh." I hesitate, thinking about how I should answer that. "I don't know." I sigh. "You know how I told you we moved a lot." He nods so I continue, "When Renee married Phil she traveled with him to his away games, leaving me by myself for large chunks of time. I started drinking when I was 14 but no one said anything because I was an honor student. Apparently honor students don't have drinking problems." I huff at this, geez, why didn't anyone do anything about that?

"When I got a little older I discovered sex and realized that between alcohol and sex I could forget about everything that had happened to me. I was free." I take a deep breath, "Those first few shots are so perfect. In those moments I feel like I can be anything, do anything. But when I got to college alcohol wasn't as effective. That's when I really explored my sexuality. By the time I got to LA I was already pretty deep into my sex addiction. I like being in charge, as you already know." He smiles and I grin at him before continuing, "I met someone who introduced me to the BDSM lifestyle out there. I enjoyed it for awhile but eventually I realized it wasn't for me. I mean I really liked certain aspects but there are other aspects I wasn't able to do, things my history wouldn't allow." He looks at me confused so I stop talking trying to decide how to say what I want to say.

He is just watching me. "It's okay, go on." He says smiling.

"Well, the punishment piece I couldn't do. I couldn't get past the things I had been through when I was younger. It became a problem for me. You can't really be an effective Dom if you aren't willing to punish your Sub." I say smiling at his expression. "So I just stuck to non-BDSM encounters and incorporated the things I liked about the lifestyle. You know, like bondage and the toys, being dominant without really punishing." I smile again and he blushes profusely, no doubt remembering the night we went to the club. I wink at him and kiss him lightly on his parted lips, sweeping my tongue in for a minute; I could never get tired of kissing him.

"I like that part too." He barely whispers.

"Good to know. You might be sorry you said that though." I say grinning.

I take another deep breath, knowing I am not done. "Edward… I wasn't completely honest when I told you why I came to Seattle." I say, looking down.

"Really? So why did you come here then?" he asks, serious again.

I look up at him and take a deep breath. "Um, well, part of the reason I am in Seattle is…" I hesitate, geez I feel like I am in a confessional or something. "I had sex with several of the doctors at the medical center that I worked at. I mean, not at the same time or anything but just over the course of my time there. Well, one went kind of badly. His wife found out and came to the hospital, starting trouble. I was still fairly new and the doctor in question was the Chief of Staff. His wife gave him an ultimatum, get rid of me or she was filing for divorce. He didn't want a divorce, he would have been ruined. She would have taken everything and well, even though I was a great surgeon, I was basically expendable."

I hesitate, remembering that fucked up situation. He is still watching me, quiet, waiting for me to continue. "I remembered living in Seattle with Paul and thought why not. So I checked out the local hospitals and Northwest had just lost a surgeon so I applied. USC gave me an excellent recommendation. The Chief of Staff even called the Chief of Staff at Northwest and told him I would be an invaluable asset to the hospital. Well, he owed me that. Not that I wasn't qualified. I really am highly skilled. I was one of the best surgeons USC had and I shouldn't have been asked to leave and he knew that. So when I got here I decided that I wouldn't have sex with anyone that worked at Northwest. I figured it was safer that way."

He arches his brow at me, "So you broke that rule with Jake? Is there something there, something more than sex?" he says but then looks down after he asks.

"No, I just…" I pause and frown, reaching my hand to his face, urging him to look at me, when he does he looks sad. "I had history with Jake. His father knew my father so I was drawn to him. It was like being near him reminded me of Forks, reminded me of my dad. I couldn't let that go. I think that's why I never ended it with him. I mean it's not like we really had that much sexual chemistry or anything."

I pause again looking at him, "So that's really it." I run my fingers down his face, "I can't guarantee you aren't going to run into someone I have had sex with. In fact, in all likelihood you will. I'm sorry for that. I wish I could take away who I was but I can't. I also wish I could tell you that when I freak out I will want to sit down and talk but the reality is I won't. I will want to have sex. I can promise you though that I will do my best to contain that. That's the best I can offer."

He runs his fingers in my hair and moves some behind my ear. He is breathing slowly as he leans in to kiss me.

"I love you so much." He sighs against my lips, "I was so scared that I lost you."

I exhale sharply, knowing exactly how he feels. The last two days imagining a life without him in it seemed horrifyingly lonely and pathetic. I wrap myself around him and hold him, breathing him in, and praying that I never have to experience that again.

"I would hope if I was ever lost you would find me." I whisper to him.

He lets out a soft breath, "I would."

And that's all I need to hear. There is nowhere else I could ever go; he is now an intricate part of me, our lives forever intertwined with one another. I feel tears on my face and I can't pull myself away from him. I just need to feel his body close to mine. I have shared so much of myself with him. More than I ever thought I would tell anyone. He continues to run his hands over my body, gently, slowly and I am lost in it. His smooth voice barely audible brings me back to reality.

"Baby, what happened last night?" he whispers against me.

I feel the air escape in a sharp burst and try to reign in my fear. "Can we talk about that later? I will talk to you about it I promise, I just…" I start breathing rapidly. "I…" he takes my face in his hands and kisses me.

"Shhh, it's okay. Later" he whispers against my lips.

He pulls me closer to him kissing me deeply; arching into me, every inch of his glorious body is touching mine. He moves his hand under my tank top, gently running his fingers over my breast. I am overwhelmed by his touch, my body and soul aching for him. When he stops kissing me, he looks at me with both longing and concern. We are both breathing hard. It's like he is waiting for something. Waiting for permission? I don't know. He doesn't need permission I am his.

"I need you Edward." I say quietly, "Make love to me."

He closes his eyes and parts his lips. He seems conflicted but when he opens his eyes they are dark with lust. Whatever conflict he has going on in his head seems to be forgotten.

"I need you." I whisper again.

He nods, "I need you too."

He lifts my tank top up, pulling it over my head and starts running his hands over my breasts and stomach. He pulls my shorts off of me and then slips his boxers off.

"I love you." He says looking me in the eyes with such intensity that I almost look away.

His mouth is on mine as he kisses my lips, then moving his tongue along my ear, then down my neck, finally nibbling at the junction between my neck and shoulder making me moan as I move both of my hands into his hair. He starts kissing me softly across my collar bone, working his way to the other side of my neck. Once there he works up my neck, pulling my ear lobe into his mouth and coming back to my lips, moving his tongue in my mouth. His lips are so soft against me and the more he kisses me the more alive I feel. I run my hands down his back, cupping his ass and then move one of my hands to the front so that I can stroke him.

He starts breathing heavily as my hand works up and down his shaft, gently working over his balls and coming back up to his head. I guide him to my entrance and he pushes inside of me, both of us moaning at the connection. Our bodies so in tuned to one another, anticipating what we need, always two steps ahead of our brains. His lips never leave my mouth as his tongue circles my tongue. He continues pushing in and out of me, moaning every time he fills me and I tighten my walls around him. He moves his mouth away from me and whispers.

"Isabella. You are everything to me."

I have no words; his eyes are boring into me like he wants to make sure I remember what he is saying. I am all sensation and feeling, my brain a completely useless piece of my anatomy. The only logic I can comprehend is that my world isn't complete without Edward and that realization is both overwhelming and intoxicating.

"I'm nothing without you." I say as tears start forming.

He kisses me again and moves faster in and out of me, as we circle our hips, meeting each other in a beautiful dance. He moves his hand between us to stroke me, bringing me to complete rapture as I push my hips into him, hearing him groan as he releases inside of me. He drops on top of me, continuing to kiss me but at a slower pace. When he pulls out of me my whole body hisses in response to the loss.

He pulls me into his arms holding me closely and I know that he is really there for me. I also know without a doubt that I need to tell him about James. That he needs to know what I went through. The problem is I am just not sure how to go about doing that. I have never told anyone before.

"I love you Edward." I say as I kiss him lightly on his chest.

"I love you too, Isabella." He kisses me on the top of my head, "Whatever happens, we do it together, okay?"

I nod against him, knowing for the first time since my father died that I am no longer alone. And unlike last night I fall asleep without witnessing the horrors that James put me through.

* * *

><p>EPOV<p>

She is sleeping soundly again, holding on to me tightly which gives me time to think about everything she has told me. I must admit that when she first started talking about Riley and Alec I was pissed. I didn't really want to know but she was talking to me about it and mom said to let her lead me so I was just going with it. I had tried my best to be "neutral" and not show my discomfort at what she was telling me. But I know I failed on that account more than I would like to admit. When she mentioned that Riley approached her at UW I was livid, how dare he do that. I had tried desperately to reign in my sudden urge to beat the shit out of him but I know if I see him again I will probably attack without thinking.

And my God! When she started talking about Mike and Jake, I about lost it. God! I really didn't want to hear about those two assholes. Mike has already caused so many problems and I really need to talk to him, and Jake, well Jake is a whole other issue. That was probably the hardest thing I think. She had talked about not having relationships at work but I knew she had been having sex with Jake for a couple of years. She had explained that it was history, him being from Forks, but I don't know, it still bothers me some. But I kept hearing my mom's words echoing in my head.

"_Be calm Edward, be neutral, you're the only one she will open up to."_

When she mentioned how she got into BDSM my mind immediately wandered to our night after the club when she tied me up. I had felt myself get hard just remembering it and had tried to think of something else but I couldn't. She had kissed me then and I swear I was about to combust because I wanted her so bad. Just thinking about it now is making me hard again and I involuntarily rub against her before realizing what I am doing. I close my eyes trying to settle myself down. Mom said we should refrain from sex which I have already failed on once. I sigh knowing there is probably a lot more she has to say and I can't distract her from that.

I am startled when I hear someone walk inside the house. I get out of bed carefully so that I don't wake up Isabella. I quickly throw my jeans back on and grab my shirt and nearly bump straight into Rosalie as I walk out of the bedroom.

She looks past me to the bed and sees Isabella sleeping, then looks back at me.

"I saw your car and wasn't going to come in but I thought I should check on her anyways." She says softly, I motion for her to step away from the doorway.

"She was really bad last night when I got here." I hesitate for a minute, "Rosalie, how much did she drink?"

She frowns and then sighs, "We shared that first bottle but the second one she did on her own. I tried to contain her as best as I could but..." she stops and looks down.

"I know. I am glad you were here with her. Thank you." I say genuinely happy that Bella has her support.

"I haven't been able to get her to eat. Please see that she does. She might listen to you." She pauses and lets out a soft breath, "I won't keep you from her. I know she needs you right now." She says with a small smile, "I talked with her boss and told him she was sick so she doesn't have to go in today. Her shift starts at 10 tomorrow. Just call me if something comes up. I put my number on the counter." She looks down hesitant and then looks back at me. "I am really glad she called you. She was a real mess without you."

"I wasn't doing too well either." I say with a small smile as I turn back around and head into the bedroom.

I quickly take off my clothes and get back in bed. I have slept a lot so I am not really tired but I just lay there, gently stroking her hair. I have spent most of the day in bed with her but I have also talked with Alice, Jasper, Emmett and my mom. All of them have been real supportive, checking in on us, making sure we don't need anything. She does wake up once about noon but at the time I was humming into her hair and she fell back to sleep. My mom still insists I get her outside and that I feed her. I will make sure I feed her the minute she wakes up the next time but I'm not sure how I am going to get her outside. I wish I had a book here, to occupy my mind. Since I don't I spend hours thinking about Bella and our future together and after awhile I drift off again, holding her tightly in my arms. Knowing I will never let her go.

* * *

><p>BPOV<p>

When I wake again he is running his hands along my back, humming into my hair. It's not a song I know. It just seems like a melody of some sort. Whatever it is it lulls me back to sleep and the next time I wake up it is to his slow and steady breaths. I have no idea what time it is. I am supposed to be at work today at 4 but he is still here so it can't be too late. He has classes at 10 on Fridays. When he feels me move he leans down and kisses the top of my head, nuzzling into my hair.

"What time is it?" I rasp out.

"It's 3:00." He whispers into my hair.

Holy Shit! 3:00. Fuck! I jump up quickly and immediately fall back down, my head spinning out of control. God! I haven't eaten since dinner Wednesday night and I never actually finished that meal. Well, at least I don't feel drunk anymore. I need to get my shit together and pray that it's a slow night tonight.

"Baby, just lay down. Rosalie came by earlier and said she called in for you, telling them you needed a sick day. You don't have to be in until tomorrow. And if you don't want to go in then you can take another sick day." He states calmly as he runs his hands through my hair.

"Did you miss classes today?" I ask concerned.

"I sent a text to Eric & Tanya, letting them know I wasn't going to be there." He says kissing me lightly.

"Stay here; let me get you something to eat." He says and then gets up, walking out of my bedroom.

God! I feel like I have been asleep for a week. He walks back in about ten minutes later with coffee, toast and some scrambled eggs. It smells wonderful as I sit up slowly, fully aware of my physical state, taking the coffee first. I am glad it is something light. I don't think my stomach could handle much more than this.

"You're not eating?" I ask

"I already ate, when you were sleeping." He says with a smile.

I finish half of what he gave me and set the plate aside. I am already feeling better now that there is some food in my stomach. I run my hand through my messed up hair and smile at him.

"How are you feeling?" he asks as he touches my face, tracing along my jaw.

"Better. Thank you." I whisper, captivated by the intensity in his eyes.

"It seemed like you slept okay." He states hesitantly.

I sigh, "No nightmares. I think I had the worst of it the other night, before I called you."

He nods kissing me lightly. "What are they about?"

I look at him and I am sure my face drains of what little color was there in the first place. I close my eyes and take a few slow breaths.

"They are about James and the things that happened while my mom and I lived with him." I say swallowing hard.

"Do you want to talk about them? My mom always said that when you talk about them they lose their power. Well, I don't know. That's what she used to tell us when we were younger. She might not say that anymore." He says smiling sheepishly.

I bet Dr. Masen was a great mom. She probably told them they could do anything, be anything. She probably comforted them when they cried and stood up for them, stepping in front of danger if it meant protecting them. She has probably been there anytime they have ever needed her. I wish I could have known what that was like.

I smile, "No, she still says that." Remembering her telling me that in one of our earlier sessions.

He laughs, "You don't have to talk about it. It's okay. Whenever you're ready I'm here." He says kissing me again.

He gets up and grabs my plate and my almost empty coffee cup. The reality is I need to tell him even though I don't want to. These nightmares are more frequent now and I don't know, maybe Masen is right. If I talk about them they will go away. I watch as he leaves the bedroom again. He is just wearing his boxers. I think there should be a rule that whenever he enters my house he has to be either naked or in those boxers briefs. When he returns with a fresh cup of coffee for me I smile. I need to tell him.

"Remember how I told you James was an asshole?" I ask questioningly.

He nods at me so I continue and he gets in the bed next to me, "When we moved to Phoenix he was real nice to my mom, bought her lots of expensive things. We lived in this fancy house. He was a lawyer so he had money. My mom was enthralled with him." I say and roll my eyes. God! She was so blind. "He tolerated me because he knew I was part of the package. But after about a year he started changing. He was always angry. I was just 12 and caught up mostly with my books. At that point I had already decided I was going to be a doctor so I was always reading old medical books, studying anatomy and watching all those old hospital shows." He grins at me and I smile back. "James hated it. He was always bitching about everything I did, telling me I would never amount to anything and that there was no way in hell I would ever be a doctor." I pause frowning, irritated that I let him talk to me that way. "So, one day my mom takes me aside and tells me to just be nice to James. That he had been passed up on a promotion, I guess he didn't make partner or something. I don't know. Like I said I was pretty oblivious to things going on around me."

"Why would she tell you to be nice to him? It doesn't sound like you had much interaction with him in the first place. And the interactions you did have were him being an asshole." He says confused.

"I know. I didn't understand it either but I did what she said. I tried my best to be "good" for him, stayed out of his way, and was real respectful, you know, yes sir, no sir, shit like that." I frown, a lot of good that did me. "Things progressively got worse. He started taking out his anger on my mom. They would get into some serious knockdown, drag em out fights. I asked her why she stayed with him and she just said he was a good man, that he took care of us and that he was just going through a hard time."

He is just shaking his head. "I just don't understand that. He doesn't sound like a good man to me. I don't know why she would want the two of you to stay in that situation."

"Yeah, well when you figure that out, you let me know alright." I say smiling. "I still don't know what set him off on this particular day. But when he walked in the door you could just feel the negative energy envelop everything in the room. It was scary as hell. He had called for my mom and when she came out he hit her immediately. Then he walked away, into the bedroom which was kind of odd because he usually didn't stop at hitting her just once."

I take a deep breath, closing my eyes. I feel his fingers stroking my face tenderly so I continue.

"I went to help her and… well; he kicked me out of the way, and then called me some names." I still have my eyes closed. It's like they are glued shut now as I remember the events that transpired. They are achingly vivid. It's like an old movie that's been set on repeat, just flashing in front of my closed lids.

"I challenged him, told him that I wished my dad was there, that my dad would have killed him if he knew what he was doing to me and my mom." I take a couple of shallow breaths and then open my eyes to him. Edward is watching me, clearly upset. I think he knows what I am going to say next before I even say the words. "He beat me up pretty badly. He broke four of my ribs, punctured my lung, dislocated my shoulder, my jaw was fractured, and he gave me a concussion. I was pretty bruised up as well. I was in the hospital for over a week recovering. They weren't actually sure I was going to survive my injuries. When I finally came to they were all so ecstatic. They said I was a real fighter." I say shrugging. They had no idea. "The doctors and nurses at the hospital were so wonderful and kind. I had already decided I wanted to be a doctor but the way I was treated there really solidified that for me."

He smiles at first and then closes his eyes. The anger and sadness are clearly visible on his beautiful face. He takes several deep breaths before finally opening his eyes again.

"What happened to him?" he finally whispers out.

I am just staring at him, he looks so upset. I am not sure what he is thinking. I wish I knew because he is acting like it happened to him as well but I know he was never treated this way. I take a deep breath again.

"Um, he was arrested. He was trying to leave Phoenix and they caught him before he could leave town. I was placed in a foster home for several months. Apparently he had beaten up my mom as well. She was in a shelter and I don't know if she wasn't allowed to have me there or she didn't want me there but I wasn't with her for awhile. I stayed in the foster home until the trial was over. He was convicted of two counts of aggravated assault on a child and one count of aggravated domestic violence. He was sentenced to 14 years but he only served 10 years of it, apparently being an attorney helped him in prison. He was also given another 8 years of probation and I guess there is a restraining order in place so that he can't contact me or my mom. My mom and I got a notice when he was released but as far as I know he has never tried to contact her and he certainly hasn't tried to make any contact with me. So I guess he is abiding by the restraining order."

"I can't believe he only got 14 years for what he did. That seems like an injustice." He says. I shrug not knowing how to respond to that.

"Well, I don't really care. I just hope wherever he is, he is miserable and unhappy." I say not really caring what happened to that bastard.

"After the trial I went back with my mom but she was already itching to leave Phoenix and start over somewhere else. She met Phil Dwyer at this restaurant where she worked. Yeah I know, Paul, James and now Phil all met my mom in restaurants she worked." I say rolling my eyes.

"Wait, Phil Dwyer, wasn't he the catcher for the Rays?" he asks shocked.

"Yeah, he was. So we ended up moving to Tampa Bay and then a few years later we relocated to Jacksonville when he took a position coaching for the Suns, that's the minor league team there. Like I said before, I graduated early and went to Florida State before moving to LA." I sigh again and close my eyes. "I just… It has always been easier to not have relationships than to risk having a bad one."

"Baby, I am so sorry you had to go through that." He says determinedly as he pulls me into his arms.

I nod against him, "You are the first person I ever told. I never even told your mom what happened with James."

"Thank you for sharing this with me. I know it was hard for you" He says softly kissing my lips.

I sigh as I lean against his chest again; we are both quite for a little while before I finally say to him, "You know… your dad really scared the shit out of me Wednesday."

He stiffens for a moment before speaking, "I'm sorry about that. I hope you know I will never let anyone hurt you, my dad included." He pauses for a minute, "My dad would never hit a woman. I am certain of that. But I think his intention was to intimidate you." He says and I can tell he is frowning without even looking at him.

"Well, he succeeded on that one. Very few men actually succeed at intimidating me. I wasn't afraid of him hitting me though. I can't image Dr. Masen staying with someone that would do that. But I was afraid he was just going to say everything out there in front of everyone without me telling you first."

I feel him sigh against me so I move to straddle his lap, kissing him fiercely. He doesn't hesitate at all and has his hands in my hair moaning into my mouth. When we come up for air I look at him intently.

"Can we not talk anymore?" I close my eyes for a second then look up at him, "This is really more than my brain knows how to comprehend. I…"

He moves one of his hands from my hair and traces along my lips with his finger tips, in essence making me stop talking. He then moves closer to me placing his mouth over mine, sweeping his tongue inside mine, and making me feel like I am the most important person in his world. We lay there kissing, me naked and him in his boxers, until his phone rings, bringing us to the here and now.

"You're not going to answer it?" I ask resting my head on his shoulder.

"No. It's not you so it isn't important." He says evenly.

"Edward. Stop it." I say sighing. Honestly. He can't just let everything go because of me. "It could be important." I say.

He leans over to the nightstand and grabs his phone, glancing at the light indicating he has a new message. He smiles at me shaking his head slightly while he checks his message.

"You were right, it was important!" he says kissing me again. "Our pictures are ready."

"What pictures?" I ask puzzled.

"The ones we took at the cottage. I ordered them online Wednesday before the fiasco at my parent's. Do you feel like getting up and going outside?" he asks excitedly.

I laugh at his enthusiasm. I would rather stay inside and make love again but considering I haven't been outside for a couple of days I should get some fresh air. I just grin and get off of him, wandering over to my dresser to pull out some clothes. I turn and stare at the bottle of Jack on the nightstand, fuck it! I grab it and toss it into the trash. I glance at Edward who has been watching me and I smile at his delighted grin. Yeah, Jack, I think it's time we part ways. I only have room for one man in my life and that man is Edward.

* * *

><p><strong>AN….. Okay, well, finally she tells him everything. It's about damn time…LOL… Now, hmm, could it be that easy for them? Ah, come on. NOT IN MY WORLD! This is only the beginning folks. Bella disclosed a lot about herself and the things she went through, which can be emotionally draining and Edward was exceptionally understanding. But just because she has told him doesn't mean she has figured out how to DEAL with it all. And seriously, how would you respond to hearing all this? Knowing that the person you loved was treated so badly and carries the wounds with them daily. **

**A refresher about the playlist... The chapter playlist is at the top of my blog. Just click on the little rectangle icon in the space where the time is showing. It will bring up all the videos in the playlist and then just use the right arrow button until you get to the end of the list and click on the video. I am still a newbie at all this and I couldn't figure this out in the beginning so I thought I would throw it out there in case there are others out there that don't know how to access the videos.**

**Thanks for reading and don't forget the Slash/Backslash 3.0 contest starts tomorrow, so check it out and vote for your favorite. I know slash isn't for everyone but love is love :-) Anyway, there are some great stories in the contest so if you are interested, the link to the story page is ... **www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/community/Slash_Backslash_3_0/74941/99/0/1/****


	27. Ch 26: Right is Right

**Rating: M- For lemons (lots of them), language and situations. So this means if you're under 16 please be responsible for yourself.**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer is the sole owner of the world of Twilight. I am just having a little harmless fun with her characters.**

**Special thank you to carlislk for posting a rec' on her Facebook page Twimoms. And of course, thank you to everyone else that has rec' TMH around the fandom that I don't know about. I have received a lot of new followers so welcome. Hope you enjoy the ride!**

**Once again thank you to my amazing Beta's A & C for your guidance, encouragement & support. You girls are the chocolate to my cake (okay, you know when I wrote this I was having some chocolate issues…LOL). Okay folks don't forget to check the blog for pictures for this chapter. Now I posted the new song to the playlist so check that out as well. I believe we have already established that I have many obsessions (Rob, KOL, American Idol, Steelers, Chocolate, and Starbucks, to name just a few…LMAO). Well, the song I selected is from one of my obsessions (another AI alumnus to be exact). This song is from the Season 5 winner Taylor Hicks and is from his second album The Distance which was simply AWESOME. This song is 100% Edward.**

**This chapter starts out from Bella's perspective and then finishes with Edwards. This will be the last split chapter.**

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><p>When there's sadness in your eyes, I see it<br>You can't hide what's weighing on your mind  
>When there's trouble in your life, I feel it<br>What's wrong with you is wrong with me and what's right is right

When there's joy inside your heart, I'll share it  
>When you got a dream, I say reach for the sky<br>And if you ever fall, I'll catch you  
>What's wrong with you is wrong with me and what's right is right<p>

I don't wanna go a single night without you  
>I don't wanna know what an empty bed is like<br>When you laugh, I'm laughing, when you cry, I'm crying  
>What's wrong with you is wrong with me and what's right is right<p>

This I promise you forever, with you all the way to the finish line  
>And were gonna cross that bridge together<br>Marching step by step, walking side by side

What's Right Is Right by Taylor Hicks

**Chapter 26: Right is Right**

BPOV

The drive to the photo shop was quick. As much as he complains about his car he sure does like driving it fast. When we walk in he goes to the counter and tells them his name. She searches and finds his packet quickly and I snatch it up curious which pictures he developed. Oh for crying out loud.

"Edward. You developed ALL of the pictures." I shake my head, "Are all of these 8x10's?" I ask flabbergasted.

He laughs, "Yeah. Why? What's wrong with that?"

"Why would you get EVERY one like that? What are we going to do with all these pictures?" I am shaking my head as I see the saleslady grin and walk away from us.

He comes up behind me and pulls me in his arms, laughing, as he runs his fingers across my stomach. "Don't be mad because I wanted you in 8x10's, I could have ordered the larger ones but I knew you would definitely object to that." He brings his mouth to my neck, sucking and nibbling and I can't help but lean into his body.

"You know, people say that I have issues but if you put up all these pictures you're going to look like one of those creepy guys that you see on Criminal Minds." I say laughing as he giggles against my neck.

"Well, I am not sure it would be THAT creepy." He says kissing the skin just below my earlobe, sending shivers across every inch of my body, "Let's go walk on the pier. We aren't that far." Then he bites down on my neck, sucking my flesh into his mouth, "Do you promise to be good?"

All I can do is close my eyes and moan. I swallow hard. "I thought we established that I am always good." I say as I reach behind me and run my hand over his crotch. He arches into my hand and I feel him respond immediately to my touch.

He lets out a soft whimper against my neck, "Now I wish we were in your car."

I chuckle as he pulls away from me, taking my hand in his as we walk out of the photo shop. We leave the pictures in the car and leave it parked where it is, walking the couple of blocks to the pier. The fresh air against our skin a subtle reminder that there is life outside the confines of my home. It is so easy to get lost in the solitude. It's what I have always done; shrink away from people when they got to close. Shut myself out from the world until they give up on me and I am alone again. Somehow I don't think Edward would allow that to happen. As we approach Pier 57 I nudge him slightly.

"We are not going in that goofy pirate store this time." I say laughing as he pretends to pout. Oh hell, that is just too sexy.

He smiles; bringing my hand to his lips, kissing it. "We have to go through it to get to where I want to take you to eat." He says smirking at me.

"You know I just ate a few hours ago." I say smirking right back at him. What the hell are you up to Mr. Cullen?

He grins and then brings his mouth close to my lips but doesn't kiss me, "Well, you didn't eat very much and I think you should eat more." Then he pulls away from my mouth without kissing me. Damn him!

"Hmm and where exactly are you taking me Mr. Cullen?" I say as I arch my brow at him.

"It's a surprise but it will be fun." He says laughing.

Fun and eating brings up all kinds of images of those pizza places that parents bring their kids to. That doesn't sound too good to me. So I immediately start wracking my brain trying to remember what restaurants were even near that store. But that night he had me all over the place. I wasn't really paying attention to my surroundings. I sigh. He seems to have that affect on me.

So here we are in his favorite store, Pirates Plunder. But I can't even be angry as he messes around with stuff because his laugh is so damn infectious it makes me grin. Then my mind starts wandering as I watch him. Maybe we can do a pirate role play. I can already picture him in some sort of Will Turner get up, from after the third movie, that cap on, no shirt. I feel my face flush at the thought when Edward approaches me and interrupts my fantastic fantasy I got going on in my head.

"What were you thinking about?" he asks as he places a pirate hat on my head.

I smile, "Oh, I was just imagining you as a pirate, shackled to my bed." I run my fingers down his chest as his heart starts racing. "While I torture you for information to some secret treasure you have hidden."

I rest my fingers at the top of his jeans, unsnapping the top button. I slip a couple of my fingers inside as I run them along his oh so happy trail, tugging at the hair as I go. He closes his eyes, I am waiting for him to stop me but he doesn't so I continue moving my fingers, playing with his hair as he moves his head back slightly.

"I thought you weren't into punishment?" he rasps out.

I smile as I lean in, bringing my entire body flush to his. "It wouldn't be punishment baby." I arch up and run my tongue languidly along his jaw, then slowly tracing his ear until I reach his earlobe, pulling it in my mouth, sucking on it lightly. "it would be like pleasure spiked with a dose of pain. You'd like it. I promise." I whisper seductively in his ear.

He turns his head to look at me and his eyes are dark, filled with carnal want. My whole body responds to his look and I can feel desire coursing through me, making me wet with unadulterated lust. Oh God! I definitely need to come up with a good scenario for that. I kiss him lightly on the lips, just needing to feel his mouth on me. He immediately deepens our kiss as I undo another button on his jeans. Allowing my fingers to slip in deep enough so that I can run my finger tips over his head, moving them along his shaft as far as my fingers can go without moving my hand all the way inside. I can feel him twitching as I work my fingers around him, working back to his head where he is already moist with pre-cum.

"Oh God! Bella, stop. You're going to make me come." He whispers through ragged breaths and places his hand over mine, pulling my fingers out of his pants.

I sigh and pull away from him, "Sorry. I suppose that wasn't me being good." I say smiling.

He just shakes his head. "What am I going to do with you?" he finally just laughs as he discreetly repositions himself and buttons up his jeans, "Come on, you evil woman."

I laugh as I take his hand and he leads me into the restaurant. It is a place called the Crab Pot. It's a little too cold to eat outside so they lead us to a table in the corner.

He is smiling at me. "Have you ever been here?"

"No. Have you?" I ask

"Yeah, I came here with Emmett and Jasper once. It was hysterical." He says amused.

I glance around the restaurant and gasp. Holy Shit! That waiter just dumped all the food on the table over there. That's nuts. Edward follows my gaze and smirks at me.

"Do you have a problem eating with your hands Ms. Swan?" He says arching a brow at me.

My eyes widen at him. Is he serious? The waiter comes over and Edward orders The Seafeast, whatever that is and a couple of iced teas. I can't take my eyes off of the table near us. They are literally eating the food off of the table.

When the waiter comes back with our teas I look at Edward. "Do we really eat without silverware?" I whisper as the waiter walks away grinning.

He nods. "We just get a mallet to open the crab and other shell fish, the rest we eat with our hands." He looks down, shaking his head and then he looks up at me, offering me a small smile. "I just thought it would be fun and that hitting something would make you feel better." He grins and then gets serious, "I wanted to do something different. Give it a try, okay?"

I just watch him. Geez, I want him to fuck me in public but I can't eat food off a damn table. It is actually kind of a sweet gesture on his part. And, smacking something does sound like fun.

I smile at him, motioning for his hand, "Well, I am all about trying new things." He smiles widely and runs his finger over our charm bracelet.

The waiter returns a little while later handing us both these huge bibs that I now notice everyone is wearing. Edward and I put them on while the waiter dumps this big bowl of food on our table just like everyone else in here. There is crab, clams, mussels, shrimp, oysters, salmon and halibut along with potatoes, corn on the cob and andouille sausage. It is the strangest thing I have ever seen, but he was right, I had a blast. He was telling me how Emmett had such a hard time getting the food out that he and Jasper had to help him because he was pouting so much and whining about them taking him somewhere where he would starve. And the thought of Emmett's big paws trying to maneuver this "feast" is simply hilarious. I am going to have to tell Rosalie about this. We spent almost all of our meal laughing as we tried to get the food out of its shells. He was so much better at it than I was and ended up cracking most of the shell fish and feeding it to me which was so utterly erotic that I had difficulty restraining myself. But after the pirate store I figured I really needed to behave. For desert we shared a mud pie which was absolutely divine. God! Chocolate and Edward is a deadly combination.

After leaving the restaurant we continued walking along the pier holding hands. When we pass the spot we had been at on our first date we stop and I look at it. I smile and he pulls me close, kissing me on my forehead. We continue to walk until we reach the end of the pier. I move in front of him, placing my hands on the railing as he comes up behind me and wraps his arms around my waist as we watch the sun set over the water. This was really a good idea. I already feel a lot better.

He moves as close to me as is humanly possible and I can feel his erection rubbing against me. I sigh, wanting to relieve that hard on in the worst way but remembering that the last time we did it on the pier he wasn't happy about it. Of course he did let me give him a hand job on the stairs this past weekend so maybe he would be open to it. He moves my hair to one side and starts kissing my neck. Oh God! My resistance is starting to wane as I take a few deep breaths, trying to gain some kind of hold over my desire. As he starts sucking on my neck I turn around and kiss him, moving my hand over the bulge in his jeans.

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><p>EPOV<p>

I move as close to her as I can, I need to feel every inch of her. My cock is just throbbing. I want her so bad and I am hoping I can wait until we get back to her place. I start sucking on her neck and she lets out a soft moan which goes directly to my cock which is now begging me to take her right here. She turns around to face me and her eyes are dark with hunger as she kisses me, moving her hand over my crotch, causing my cock to twitch in anticipation.

"I can relieve this if you'd like." She says softly against my lips.

Oh God! Not helping. I look at her and I am sure she can see my desire for her evident on my face because she kisses me, moving her tongue in my mouth and unbuttoning my jeans. But she doesn't move her hand inside and my cock is groaning, wanting her to touch it desperately. I want her so bad. Why won't she touch me?

"Do you want me to take care of you Edward?" she whispers to me, tracing my lips with her tongue.

I start breathing hard, trying to contemplate whether I want her to do this on the pier or not. She is asking for permission which is throwing me off guard. It's my choice but really it isn't a choice at all. I take her hand and move it inside my jeans. I have been so hard since we left the pirate store and I need her to touch me badly. I don't care if anyone sees us. I close my eyes, savoring the way her thumb moves across my head.

When she pulls me all the way out the cold October air makes me gasp but then all I feel is warmth as her mouth encompasses my aching cock. I grab on to the railing to steady myself and look down at her. She is licking along my shaft and then she dips her tongue into my slit and I groan loudly, gripping the railing tightly as I try not to come yet. She starts moving me back and forth inside her mouth and I can't hold off any longer as I come for what feels like days. I rest my forehead on the railing watching her as she continues to suck and lick me. God, she is so beautiful and the sight of her with my cock in her mouth is like heaven on earth. After a few minutes my body stops trembling and she comes up to kiss me as I move my hands to my pants putting myself back together. I need to get her home. I need to make love to her.

"I think we need to go home." I say to her, breathless.

She takes my hand in hers and smiles, "Let's go, baby."

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><p>The ride home was quick; I was desperate to be inside her. When I pull up she is out of the door quickly. I come up behind her as she is fumbling with the lock. I am kissing her neck and rubbing against her, my cock already hard and impatiently waiting to be inside her. She finally gets the key in the lock and we fall inside, kissing frantically, as we start taking off our clothes. We break our kiss only long enough to pull our shirts off and then our mouths and tongues are working against each other. I lift her up and she wraps her legs around my waist as I walk us haphazardly to her bedroom, bumping and tripping into things but never taking my mouth away from hers.<p>

I drop us on the bed and she rolls me on my back, pulling away from me as she moves down to my chest and tugs on my nipples, working her way down over my stomach to my cock. I thrust my hips at her as she puts me in her mouth and groan when she moves her mouth away, she smiles at me and then pulls my balls into her mouth sucking and sweeping her tongue around them while she moves her hand up and down my shaft. Oh Damn! She is making my body convulse and I know if she continues I am not going to be able to stop myself from coming and I want to be inside her. I need to be inside her. I sit up quickly and pull her off of me, spreading her legs as I push inside of her. She throws her head back and since we are near the edge her head hangs off the bed which is so fucking sensual that it sends shivers across my entire body.

"Oh God, Bella, you are so sexy, it fucking hurts!"

I am on my knees and pull her hips up and shift my angle causing her to scream in pleasure. She is grasping the bed sheets and her head is bouncing off the edge of the bed as I pump into her quicker and quicker.

"Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck…" she stutters out and I can't help but grin.

"Come for me baby, I know you're close." I rasp out, my voice rough with need.

She screams and I feel her walls tighten around me and the sweet warmth that surrounds my cock causes me to throw my head back and release within her. I hold her hips in place until I stop twitching within her and then pull out of her, struggling to catch my breath. I lean down on top of her, pulling her up to me and kissing her lovingly all over her mouth and face. We fall back onto the bed, kissing each other, wrapped in each other's arms. After a few moments I reach around us and grab the covers, pulling them around our bodies, holding her tightly, never wanting to let her go.

"I love you." She whispers as she kisses my chest.

I smile as I kiss the top of her head, nuzzling into her hair. "And, I love you."

We both fall asleep quickly, completely drained. Exhausted from the sex, exhausted from being apart, and exhausted from the weight of the words she spoke earlier. This is not going to be easy but being with her, keeping her safe, and preventing her from experiencing any more hurt is my new mission in life.

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><p>I wake to her alarm going off and feel her move out of bed. I open my eyes and watch as she moves around her room and then goes into the bathroom. I lie on my back and sigh. I wish she would call in but know she isn't going to. When I hear the shower turn on I have to fight the temptation to go in there with her but that will just make her late. Finally I just sigh and get out of bed, throwing my clothes on quickly.<p>

I head into the kitchen and start a pot of coffee for her. I would cook her something but the extent of my culinary skills is toast and scrambled eggs. I guess I could make that for her again, at least then I know she will have eaten. I start preparing the food and sip my coffee as I think about all that transpired.

When she told me about James I had a difficult time with it. I guess I still find it hard to believe that someone could do that. That a grown man, well he isn't a man because a man wouldn't hurt a woman or child, would be so cruel. As she had been talking it was like I could feel her pain, it seemed to seep out of her and into me. I know that probably sounds weird. It sounds weird thinking about it but all of a sudden I just felt overwhelmed with sadness and despair. Is it possible to connect with someone at that kind of level? Where their pain is your pain and their happiness is your happiness. When she told me that he barely got any jail time I was angry all over again. He is out and about doing whatever the hell he wants while my Isabella is haunted by what he did. I sure hope he and I don't ever cross paths because I am afraid of what I might do to him.

I hear the shower turn off so I start putting her food on a plate, setting it on the counter. I then get my plate and set it next to hers. When she comes out she is smiling widely.

"Baby, did you make me breakfast?" she says as she comes over and gives me a kiss.

I smile, "Sit down and eat."

She grabs her coffee first and takes a sip, closing her eyes.

"Sorry if I made it too strong." I say apologetically.

"Oh God no. I love strong coffee." She pauses for a minute and I just look at her. "Do you have plans later?"

"I just planned on spending time with you." I say smiling, "What did you have in mind."

She grins at me, "Do you want to go out? I really liked being outside yesterday."

"Where would you like to go?" I ask

"I don't know, I haven't thought that far ahead." She says with a smile.

"Okay, let me take care of our date then." I say kissing her softly

"You really like doing this whole romantic, sweep a girl off her feet kind of thing don't you?" she says as she gets up to get more coffee.

I laugh, "Well, I enjoy doing nice things for you." I get up and pull her in my arms, "I will text you when I figure it out. What time do you get off today?"

"6:00, unless there is some emergency." She replies.

We finish up breakfast and head out. I kiss her before she gets into her car and watch as she drives away. I then jump into my Jag and head home.

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><p>When I get home all the cars are here so I know everyone is home. Well its 9:30 on a Saturday morning so I don't anticipate anyone being up. I head inside and to my surprise I see Alice sitting at the bar sipping a cup of coffee.<p>

"Hey sis. What are you doing up so early?" I say walking over to her and kissing her on the forehead.

"Well, don't you look cheery? I take it you and Bella got back together?" She says, practically bouncing in her seat.

"Well, I don't think we were actually broken up but yes, we talked." I say smiling and then frown as I sit next to her.

She notices my expression and takes my hand in hers. "What's the matter?"

"She has really been through a lot. Things that I have a hard time wrapping my head around. I mean the sex part I can deal with but this other stuff…" I look down and close my eyes. "I just worry I won't be able to help her through it." I look up at her.

"Edward, I think you are everything that she needs. It will be hard but you will know exactly what to do when the time comes." She leans up and ruffles my hair, "Besides when you love someone as much as you love her everything just falls into place. It's the way it is supposed to be."

I can't help but smile at her. She is always so optimistic about everything. "Thanks, Shorty." I say smiling as she gets up to freshen her coffee. "Bella wants to go somewhere tonight, we went to the pier last night and she really liked being outside. Do you have any ideas?"

She turns around and flashes me one of her brilliant smiles and I grin. "Oh, I have the perfect idea!" she says and I see that glint in her eyes so I know she already has a plan in place.

"Come on. We need to get online." She says taking my hand and dragging me to my bedroom.

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><p>I had texted Bella that I would pick her up at 7:00 and that she would need to wear a dress. I haven't really seen Emmett or Jasper today. We sort of past each other in the hall but I have been frantically working on my thesis and this project I am doing with Tanya. The project is not due for another month but we have a lot to do before then. And to be honest I haven't been much of a partner. I know part of it is that she annoys the hell out of me and I still remember how she acted around Bella so I am not so keen on being helpful. My thesis is a bigger issue. I am supposed to meet with my advisor and committee within the next six to eight weeks and I am not nearly as ready as I should be. I have been so preoccupied with Bella that school has sort of taken a back seat. I was able to get almost one section of my thesis edited which is good and I was able to research my piece of the project. So overall I feel like I accomplished something today.<p>

I walk into the living room dressed and rearing to go but it's still too early. I sit down in one of the chairs laughing at Jasper and Emmett. I wonder if they will ever grow out of playing video games.

"Ha! I beat you again!" Emmett says jumping on the couch, "SAY IT!"

"No way!" Jasper says rolling his eyes.

"SAY IT!" Emmett bellows again, moving his head from side to side as he looks up toward the ceiling, putting his hands on his hips.

I am grinning because he does this stupid thing every time he wins at ANYTHING. Jasper looks at me and I shrug at him. Emmett's going to just keep doing it until he says it. Finally Jasper rolls his eyes and huffs.

"You are the master." Jasper barely says

"Who's the master?" Emmett bellows again

"You're the master." Jasper repeats making a gagging impression.

"Sho Nuff!" Emmet bellows as he jumps down off the couch.

"This is why no one wants to play with you. You're an idiot when you win." Jasper spats at him and then laughs heading into the kitchen.

Emmett just laughs and turns to look at me, "What about you E? Wanna play?"

"No. Bella and I have a date. Besides you know I can't play these stupid games. I always get killed off right away and then you just make fun of me. So, no thank you." I say.

He just grins at me. "So, did you two really talk because the talking that occurs during fucking doesn't count you know?" then he starts mimicking a girls voice, "Oh, Edward, go harder, faster, faster, faster." Then he screams throwing himself on the floor thrashing all over the place.

Both he and Jasper start laughing hysterically. I can't help but blush. I know he is referring to the morning Bella and I were a bit loud and woke them up.

"Well, what can I say? My girl is vocal." I finally say and just laugh.

He sits up, wiping his eyes because he was laughing so hard he has tears. "Vocal is damned right." Then he takes a breath, "But seriously E. Did you guys really talk about shit? Cause usually she starts feeling you up and your little head takes over."

I sigh. They are both looking at me with serious expressions on their faces. "Yes, we talked and to be honest she was the one that initiated the conversation. She told me her relationship history and also what she went through in Phoenix."

"Was it bad?" Jasper asks concerned.

"Yes, it was. I think she told me the worst part but I am sure there was a lot of stuff that led up to that. It was hard to hear but I am glad she told me. I feel like we can move forward." I say smiling.

"Wow. I can't believe she told you everything. That's pretty amazing." Jasper states emphatically.

"Yeah, that's cool E. So have you talked to your dad yet?" Emmett asks.

I frown. "No, not yet. I am still pretty pissed off with the way he handled things."

"Yeah, but damn your mom really laid into him. That was fucking awesome." Emmett says smiling widely.

I smile and nod. "Hey, I am going to head out. I'll see you guys tomorrow."

As I get to the door Emmett starts slamming his hand on the ground repeatedly, using that girl voice again, "Edward, Edward, Edward" and I just shake my head and close the door behind me hearing them both laughing again. God! They are never going to let me live that down.

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><p>I pull up and walk to her door, excited to see her again. I hate being away from her. She opens the door after me knocking just once. She is breathtaking. She is wearing the dress she wore on our first date and she is just as beautiful now as she was then. I smile and then wrap my hand around her waist pulling her towards me as I kiss her. After a few minutes we pull away from each other, out of breath.<p>

"Hmmm, Isabella you are stunning." I whisper against her lips.

She smiles and I take her hand and lead her to the car. She doesn't ask where we are going but just watches outside and fiddles with her bracelet. When we pull up to the dock at Renton she looks at me surprised.

"What are we doing?"

"Well, I promised to take you on a boat but I didn't have time to plan an individual outing so I thought we could take a sunset cruise. I know you like watching the sun as it's setting over the water so now we can do that while actually being on the water."

She smiles widely and leans over kissing me. I grin and get out of the car walking to her side. I take her hand in mine as we approach the boat. It is a smaller cruise ship but Alice said she and Jasper did this once and it was very romantic. She said the food is great and seeing the sunset was spectacular. She had helped me with the reservations making sure we got a window table, flowers for the table that we will be able to take home with us, and special wine selected for our specific meal. I had ordered the salmon which looked really good in the pictures. The cruise itself is 2.5 hours on Lake Washington and with the window table we will be able to see the shorelines and the city lights.

The maître ď pours each of us a glass of champagne as we board, so that we can offer a toast to one another.

I smile at her and raise my glass, "To leaving the past behind."

She smiles as she raises her glass, "To me not fucking up our future."

I shake my head at her and just grin. Only Isabella would make a toast that includes the word fuck in it. We clink glasses and take a sip before I kiss her sweetly. We both finish our glasses and hand them to a waiter. He tells us we have about 30 minutes before the meal is served. I figure we might as well look around the ship. I place my arm around Bella's waist as we start strolling along the deck. She looks up and has the most perfect smile on her face and I know this was a great idea. Alice strikes again. She should be some kind of date planner or something.

We walk to the bow and she places her hands on the railing and leans over a bit laughing as she watches the waves hitting the boat. I swear I think I hear Celine Dion in the background and just grin at how my idiotic mind works sometimes. Of course I don't think we are going to be hitting any icebergs in Seattle and I am definitely not Leonardo DiCaprio. Although, I would die as well, if it meant saving Isabella's life. I wrap my arms around her waist and lean my chin on her shoulder.

"This is so gorgeous Edward. Thank you so much." she states exuberantly.

"Your welcome." I say as I kiss her cheek and then her temple.

I lean in to her and she sighs as she closes her eyes. "Baby, you won't be able to see the sunset if your eyes are closed." I whisper against her hair, grinning.

She smiles, "You don't always have to see something to know it's there."

"That's true." I say as I hum against her hair and start running my hands up over her dress, over her breasts and to her shoulder blades, moving her hair behind her back so that I have better access to her neck. I kiss her softly on the neck, working up to her ear as I start moving my hands over her body again. This dress is so soft and makes her body feel so sensuous. I can't help but want to touch her.

"I love feeling your hands on me, Edward."

I smile and bring my mouth to her neck, sucking and kissing it lightly, pulling her close to me, gently moving my hips towards her so that she can feel my desire for her. I start tracing my fingers along her cleavage and gently touching her breasts over her dress. She lets out a soft breath as she tilts her head a little more to the side. She moves her arms up past my shoulders so that they are touching the nape of my neck. When she does this it brings her breasts into my hands completely. She starts playing with my hair, tugging at it lightly and I can't stop the growl that comes from my mouth and I immediately move my hand inside her dress, squeezing her breast, needing to feel her skin as I move my hand inside her bra. She starts slowly moving up and down against me which is making my whole body tingle and my cock throb for her. We are both breathing hard as she turns her head slightly so that I can kiss her.

When they announce that dinner will be served in 10 minutes we both sigh. I move my hand out of her dress and straighten it as best as I can, then try and reposition myself. Dress slacks are definitely not suitable to hiding a boner as well as my jeans.

"The sunset really is amazing." She says mesmerized.

I run my fingers through her hair and then pull out my camera and snap a picture of her with the sun setting behind her. She turns and looks at me and I snap another one. She gives me that bitch brow of hers and I just shrug with a satisfied smile on my face. I am definitely getting those two developed.

"Well, Mr. Photographer. You could at least take one of the two of us." She says smirking and I grin as I move closer to her and snap a few pictures of us. Then she motions for my camera and takes several of me before I am able to wrestle my phone away from her. She smiles when I show her the pictures. "Now, those you can develop." I just laugh and take her hand as we make our way to the main dining room.

This place is beautiful. The maître ď leads us to our table and it is set with a stunning flower centerpiece and there is a bottle of wine chilling.

The waiter brings out the first of our four course meal, a parmesan panna cotta, and then a fabulous Chef's salad. Our entrée was Banana-Leaf-Wrapped Salmon with Pineapple Salsa and Coconut-Jasmine Rice and our meal concluded with a decadent chocolate truffle desert. Everything was fantastic and what was important was Bella was eating. She smiled and laughed and pointed out various sites the captain was mentioning as we dined. She looks so happy and I am filled with such joy that I am sure it must be radiating from my every pour.

After we were done eating I take her hand and lead her to the dance floor and we hold each other closely, swaying to the beautiful song being played on the piano. We end up dancing throughout most of the cruise and everything just feels right. I couldn't have asked for a better evening. As long as she is happy then I am happy and we can get through anything.

* * *

><p><strong>AN….. Ah, well Edward sure knows how to take care of a girl now doesn't he? I know we had a few difficult chapters, lots of things going on with Bella and Edward. Although I love angst every chapter is not going to be angsty. Geez, I don't think I could handle that, LOL... Need some lemony goodness in between all the drama :-)**

**Okay…. Who knows what movie Emmett is quoting? I'll give you a hint, It's an old cult classic (1985). Ah, man I probably gave it away didn't I?**

**Now on a side note the Crab Pot is an actual place. There are about 7 or 8 of them. I went to the one in Long Beach and it was pure crazy and fun as hell. How I described it is exactly what happens. No silverware and a big bowl of food dumped in the middle of the table. If you get a chance to check one out you got to do it. I posted a video on the blog made for Man vs. Food. It was filmed at the actual restaurant in Seattle. It is really cool video so check it out!**

**Also, want to give props to Red Hot Chili Peppers. I have always wanted to use "pleasure spiked with pain" in an actual conversation so YEAH! It is from their song Aeroplane off of the One Hot Minute Album; I posted the video on the blog because it is one of my favorite songs by them. The video is kind of weird but hot damn, Dave Navarro is shirtless. How can you go wrong with that?**

**Alright folks, send me some reviews, let me know what ya liked or didn't like. I answer all my reviews (unless you have PM disabled...LOL) so let me know your thoughts :-)**


	28. Ch 27: You're kidding right?

**Rating: M- For lemons (lots of them), language and situations. So this means if you're under 16 please be responsible for yourself.**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer is the sole owner of the world of Twilight. I am just having a little harmless fun with her characters.**

**Special shout out to completerandomness12 for recognizing The Last Dragon, ah the epic of Bruce LeRoy and the Shogun of Harlem...LOL**

**Once again thank you to my amazing Beta's A & C for your guidance, encouragement & support. Check out the blog people for updated pictures and the newest song. Ya might want to jump there real quick so you have a visual of Mike. Just saying :-) The song for this week is by Sam Bradley off of his Zuni album. If you haven't checked his music out you really should. I hadn't listened to the album in a while but several weeks ago all the Rob/Sam talk got me wanting to hear it again. I loved this song the first time I heard it but hearing it again after writing TMH I realized that this is very much my Bella. **

**If you know anyone who has suffered from addiction you will probably recognize some of her behaviors. Yeah, it's easy to quit cold turkey the first few days, it's the weeks after that your body starts saying "What the Hell!".**

* * *

><p>I cast aside my emptiness and inability to care<br>Through empty words, I drink because I'm scared  
>I force myself to fall in love they're so unaware<br>Simulate control because I'm scared  
>I run, I fall, beneath it all, love's hard I'm told<p>

But I'm making change, I swear to me  
>You won't complain about misery<br>What do you know about lonely  
>You have everyone you need<br>What do you know, you're happy  
>My soul is sliced with grief.<p>

I genuinely counterfeit, all my conversations  
>I keep my truth because I'm scared<br>I've walked with many miles of man; I've talked to many faces  
>Refuse to understand because I'm scared<br>I run, I crawl beneath it all, life's hard I'm told

Scared by Sam Bradley

**Chapter 27: You're kidding right?**

I wake with Edward's limbs entangled with my body. This is how he always is in the morning. I smile as I run my fingers through his messy mop of hair. It's getting long; he will need to trim it soon. Hmm, I better go with him because if they cut it too short I will have to hurt someone. It's been a couple of weeks since my chaotic first meeting with his parents. We haven't attempted another meeting as of yet and to be honest I am thinking I could do without that kind of drama again. He spends most nights at my house, except of course when I work late. I never really see him doing school work but he says he is getting it done.

He still hasn't talked to his dad which really bothers me. I know he is upset about what happened but I don't know. My dad was the chief of police so I guess I can understand Carlisle's perspective. I think Charlie would have met Edward with his hand firmly placed on his gun or something just as bad. Except of course once they talked he would have seen how absolutely perfect he was and adored him immediately. How could you not? In all honesty I don't blame Carlisle for pointing out my flaws to Edward. I should have done that in the beginning. I was just selfish and afraid. Maybe I should try and meet with Carlisle today, clear the air and come to some kind of understanding. Edward has school so I will be able to do it alone. I don't need his protection against his dad.

I take a deep breath. Protection. That is something Edward has become obsessed with. He seems to have this weird sense that I can't take care of myself or something. I don't know. Ever since I told him about James he has been different. I don't know how to explain it but it is just different. He seems so worried that something is going to happen to me. It's not like he could really prevent anything bad from ever happening. Shit, bad things happen to me all the time, he can't stop that. I am still trying to wrap my brain around this whole concept that my past doesn't make him want to leave. I suppose that is what I was expecting. I really thought he would tell me I was too fucked up to be with. That's a completely understandable reaction. Hell, I still pretty much believe that. But now that he knows everything he just seems even more desperate to show me how much he loves me and has become preoccupied with making sure that I know I can depend on him. I really don't doubt him; I guess I just question how logical he is being about all this.

He has taken me out several times in the past few weeks. He has been trying to make sure we do things out of the house a lot which is good. Being outside seems to make me feel pretty happy and generally it is a lot of fun. But my favorite outing actually occurred without any planning whatsoever as I hadn't intended on him coming with me. I smile as I remember last week.

**FLASHBACK:**

_I take a long sip of my coffee, savoring the strong and bitter taste. He walks in from the bathroom looking like a Greek God. I sigh as I watch him move toward me. There really should be some kind of law about being that strikingly handsome. I mean how's a girl supposed to concentrate? He smiles as he approaches and kisses me lightly on the forehead._

"_Do you want to do something before you go in?" he asks casually._

"_You know that's a loaded question for me." God, he just throws that sexual innuendo out there and doesn't even realize he is doing it._

_He blushes, "Well, we could do that again but I meant something outside." I raise my brow at him and he must catch what he just said because he looks down smiling giving me that look that makes me want to drop my panties immediately._

"_You have a one track mind." He says kissing me softly on the lips, grinning._

_One track mind is damn right, "I have an appointment in an hour" I finally say against his lips._

"_Really? Is it something I can come to?" I hadn't thought about taking him with me but what the hell. Why not? That might be fun._

"_If you want to." I say, wondering if he will change his mind once he knows where we are going._

_He doesn't ask me what kind of appointment it is or where it is so I don't say anything and just finish my coffee and muffin. When we are done we jump in my car and head out. When we pull up to the tattoo and piercing parlor he turns and looks at me with a surprised and somewhat frightened look on his face._

"_What are we doing here?" he asks nervously._

"_I'm getting my other nipple pierced." I say looking at him, smiling at the look on his face. I begin to touch my breast. "She told me that she feels you focus too much attention on her sister. She apparently is very concerned with equity." I grin as his lips part. Okay this is way too easy. I lean over to him and begin kissing him. After a few minutes I pull away smiling._

_I jump out of the vehicle and he follows me timidly. I take his hand in mine and lead him inside. He is just staring at everyone as we walk over to the counter. I am sure he has never been in a place like this. I tell the girl my name and she smiles calling a girl named Lauren up to the front. She grins at me, shaking my hand and then turns her attention to Edward. Her eyes widen and her mouth parts. I think I even see some drool start to gather at the corner of her mouth._

"_Are you getting pierced as well?" she says, smiling as she twirls a stray strand of her hair, and if it weren't for the look of horror on his face, I would deck the bitch for flirting with him._

"_No, my boyfriend won't be getting pierced." I say firmly, emphasizing the word boyfriend for her confused ass. She forces her eyes back to me and I give her one of my best fuck off glares. Yeah bitch, stop eye fucking my man before I stick that needle of yours in a place it ain't meant to be._

"_Of course" she stutters and then composes herself, "Come on back." she says smiling, all professional again._

_The three of us walk to the piercing room and she goes through the procedures with me, what I can do and not do, covering it, blah, blah, blah. I tell her I already have one nipple pierced and that I am a doctor so I am sure I can maintain a simple piercing. It's not like I am getting my clit pierced although I wouldn't be opposed to that. _

_I expose my breast to her and smile as Edward watches me. Lauren is talking to me as she sanitizes my nipple and prepares her piercing gun, making sure the ring she has is the one I wanted. I nod at her but never take my eyes off of Edward and don't flinch at all when the needle goes through, followed by the ring. The procedure doesn't take long and I ask her if I can have a couple of minutes with my boyfriend. She smiles and leaves us alone. He walks over to me and I immediately feel his crotch and the massive hard on he already has._

"_Did you like that?" I whisper. He nods as he leans down to kiss me, immediately sweeping his tongue inside, attacking my mouth feverishly. _

"_That was so hot Isabella." He says heatedly, his eyes closed and his mouth still touching mine._

"_Hmmm" is all I am able to say as he moves his tongue inside my mouth again. _

_I continue to touch him through his jeans. He shifts his hips forcing his prominent bulge into my hand, he starts moving his hips in a circular motion and I start touching him more forcefully. He continues to kiss me, bringing his hand to move against my jeans, touching just right so that he is pushing against my clit. Oh man, he either needs to fuck me right here or we need to get home quickly._

"_Maybe we should go home." He says panting. _

"_That sounds like a great plan. But you can't touch her yet, she needs to recoup." I say through labored breaths._

_He chuckles and then kisses me again before we get ourselves together and walk out of the tattoo shop. I joke with him on the way home that we should get matching tattoos which he immediately objects to. Well, I suppose I will have to work up to that. It's not like I can have a bunch of tattoos or piercings anyways. For some reason major hospitals don't want their surgeons all tatted and pierced up. With all the stuff I could be doing that seems so minor. But whatever, I can follow their stupid rules._

**END FLASHBACK**

Man, we didn't even make it inside the door before we were fucking. Yep, that was fun. He He moves again, bringing me out of my memory. I look at the clock and it is close to 9:00 a.m. We hadn't been up real late last night but he seems to require a lot more sleep than I do. Must be all those nights being on call and working swing shifts that 5-6 hours is plenty for me, although the last few days I have not been sleeping as well. I tug on his hair slightly and he smiles against me.

"Baby, wake up. You need to leave soon if you are going to make it to class on time."

"I think I will stay in bed with you." He mumbles against me.

"Not a chance lover boy. Go to school. I have an appointment today." I say laughing.

He looks up at me and smiles. "An appointment huh?"

"Nothing that interesting baby." I say laughing, "Now get up before you're late."

"Alright, alright." He says as he kisses me swiftly and jumps out of the bed heading to the bathroom.

Why is it guys can just jump out of bed and be ready in a few minutes? Well, he is gorgeous no matter what he does so I suppose that works in his favor. He walks out of the bathroom running his hands through his hair, trying to control the chaos, and I just grin at him.

"So what do you have to do today?" he asks as he sits on the bed next to me.

"I'll tell you about it later, okay." I don't want to tell him I plan on seeing his dad; he would probably shit a brick and insist on coming with me.

He watches me intently. "Is this something I should be concerned about?" Geez, how does he do that?

"No, not at all. But I promise I will tell you later." I lean over and kiss him, running my fingers through his hair, tugging on it lightly.

"You know I am on to your distracting techniques." He says grinning as he lays soft innocent kisses on my lips.

I smile when he pulls away from me. "Well, a girl's got to work with what she's got."

He grins again, "I will see you later, okay?" he whispers as he kisses me again. "Will you be back by the time I am out of school?"

"God, I hope so. I shouldn't be that long." Man, I better not be that long.

"Okay. I will see you after school then." He says as he gets up and heads out the door.

I lie back on the bed and contemplate what I am going to do. Do I just go over there or should I set up an appointment. If he doesn't have any appointments available then I will be stuck as he might not want to see me. If I just show up will he see me anyway or just dismiss me? I need to resolve this. I get out of bed and head to the kitchen for the phone book. I find the number easily.

"_Cullen Enterprise, How can I help you?" the girl answering the phone says all sugary sweet._

"_Yes, I was wondering if Mr. Cullen had any time available this morning?" I ask._

"_Can I ask what this is regarding?"_

_I pause, shit! I really didn't think this through, "It's a personal matter."_

_She pauses for a moment before telling me to hold on. I am nibbling on my cuticle and listening to the soft rock station playing Rob Thomas's Lonely No More. Man, that's a great song. I start humming along to the chorus. _

_I don't want to be lonely no more  
><em>_I don't want to have to pay for this  
><em>_I don't want another lover at my door  
><em>_It's just another heartache on my list_

_I don't want to be angry no more  
><em>_You know I could never stand for this  
><em>_So when you tell me that you love me know for sure  
><em>_I don't want to be lonely any more_

_I start thinking what I am actually going to say to him. I mean what do I say? "Uh, sorry I was a bit of a slut in the past but I love your son so give me a chance." Geez, that sounds bad any way you slice it. I sigh and then hear her click back on._

"_He has a half hour available at 10:30 if that would be enough time."_

_I look at the clock. That gives me an hour to get over there. "Sure, that will be fine."_

"_You're name please?"_

_I sigh, "Dr. Isabella Swan"_

_She hesitates for a moment, "I will put you in his schedule Ms. Swan."_

"_Thank you." I say and hang up._

I go to the cabinet I normally would keep my Jack Daniel's and remember I don't have any more. I haven't had any alcohol since we went on our sunset cruise. He has been real good at not even ordering wine when we go out. I don't know. I drank Jack Daniel's straight, somehow I don't think wine is going to have that much of an effect on me. Man, I could really use a shot right now though. This is probably the longest I have gone without a drink. I mean I'm not an alcoholic or anything. I don't drink every day, just when I'm stressed or a bit nervous then a few shots of Jack can usually do the trick. Okay well, maybe 5-6 shots but still. I tap my fingers against the counter and then turn around to head back into my bedroom.

* * *

><p>Thank God I have a navigation system in my car or I am sure I would have gotten lost. I have been in Seattle a few years but I still can't seem to get around. I am so nervous and I really need a drink, just one, to calm my nerves. I sigh, knowing that isn't going to happen. I stare at the building and take a deep breath as I get out of the car.<p>

I walk inside and head towards the front desk, asking what floor Cullen Enterprise is on. The gentleman smiles at me and tells me to take the second elevator to the 10th floor. I smile and thank him as I walk to the elevator he pointed to. I lean against the back of the elevator and immediately bring my finger to my mouth, picking again at the cuticle. I glance at it when I taste blood. Fuck! I pinch my thumb to my finger applying pressure to stop the bleeding. When the door opens I approach the girl at the desk. She is young, maybe 24 or 25 with blond hair.

"Welcome to Cullen Enterprise. May I help you?" I recognize her sugary sweet voice from my call earlier.

"I have an appointment with Mr. Cullen at 10:30" I say nervously.

She smiles sweetly at me. "He will be with you shortly." She gets up and walks me to some chairs. "Can I get you some coffee or anything?"

"No, I'm fine thank you." I say sitting down.

My leg is now tapping and I am desperate to just say forget this and get up and leave. I need a drink badly and am debating just grabbing a couple of shots before I head home. I stand up and start pacing, trying to settle my nerves as I gnaw on my cuticle again.

"Isabella." Mr. Cullen says as he approaches me.

I turn around and stare at him. "Thanks for meeting with me Mr. Cullen."

He takes a deep breath, "Please, call me Carlisle. Let's go into my office."

I follow him down the hall and see Mike approach us. He is staring at me in shock and I have to fight the strong desire to just kick him in the balls. I glare at him as he passes me. Mr. Cullen notices our exchange but doesn't say anything.

He motions me to the couch. "Have a seat Isabella." I sit down on the couch as he leans against his desk. "How can I help you?"

I take a deep breath. "I just wanted to meet with you to discuss what happened a few weeks ago."

He frowns, "Does Edward know you are here?"

I furrow my brows at him, "I wasn't aware that I needed permission from Edward to come see you."

He grins, "No, you don't." then he looks down shaking his head and at that moment he reminds me so much of Edward. He looks up at me and offers a small smile, "He just made it very clear two weeks ago that I wasn't to go anywhere near you."

I gasp. What the hell! "Well, I'm a big girl and I can take care of myself." I can already feel my face flush as my anger starts to boil to the surface.

He sighs, "Isabella. I don't want to fight with you. My wife didn't talk to me for a week after the incident at our house and my son still isn't talking to me. So I am not interested in debating whether you are capable of fending for yourself or not."

I just stare at him. "Well, I don't want to fight with you either but I want to know what transpired between you and Edward."

He lets out a deep breath, "Well, if he didn't tell you I don't know that it is my place to do so."

I furrow my brow and stare at him, "He told me that Mike told you I was a whore, my words not his, and that I was bad for Edward. Well actually not necessarily bad for Edward but that I was a liability to the company. Prompting you to run a background check on me where you became privy to my life before I met your son. Hence our disastrous first encounter a few weeks ago. Does that about sum it up?"

He looks at me for a moment and a smile crosses his face. "Yes, I suppose that sums it up." He then frowns slightly and continues, "I hope you know that what I did, I did out of love for my son. He's been hurt enough." He says, looking me square in the eyes.

"I can understand that Mr. Cullen. I love him as well and I don't want him hurt either." I say as I take a deep breath "Is there anything you want to ask me about?" I figure since I am here I might as well make sure there isn't anything else he has issues with.

"Have you told Edward about your past?" he states calmly.

"Yes, I have."

"So I take it he was not upset?" He says arching his brow at me.

"Well, I don't know about that. He said he wasn't but I have a feeling he is more angry at the other parties than at me." I say frowning.

"That bothers you?" he asks confused by my expression.

"Yes. Those were my choices. I didn't do anything I didn't want to do. Were they wrong choices? Yes, probably. Am I ashamed of them? I don't know. I never was, but now…" I sigh and look away from his piercing blue eyes.

"But now?" he queries

"Being with Edward changes everything for me." I look over to him, "I wish I had a respectable past but I don't. I can't change that. I have no desire to lead that kind of life anymore. I love Edward and I don't want anyone else." I say firmly.

He doesn't say anything right away but just watches me. "I guess that will have to do." Then he pauses again, frowning.

"Do you have something else you want to say Mr. Cullen?" I ask. I know that damn look. Edward does it all the time, when he doesn't want to tell me something he thinks is going to upset me. I guess it runs in the family.

"He loves you very much. So much so that I am afraid he will give up everything to be with you. Are you prepared for that?" He says solemnly.

I start breathing hard, looking at his concerned face. "I think so."

His expression changes to that of complete and utter anger, "I'm not sure I am happy with _I think so_. He will sacrifice himself for you. You are aware of that aren't you?" he says bitterly.

I just put my head down, averting his eyes. "Yes, I am aware of that. I don't know what you expect me to do about that though." I raise my head to look at him and the look on his face scares me.

"I expect you to look after him. I expect you to make sure he finishes college. I expect you to love him enough to let him go if his relationship with you prevents him from having a future." His voice is escalating with each point.

"Are you asking me to break up with him?" I stare at him, tears in my eyes, as the reality of what he just said hits me.

He closes his eyes and takes several deep breaths. "Of course not! He would hate me forever. I just want you to be aware of the extent he is willing to go for you. Because if you aren't willing to go that far as well maybe you should just leave him now before he is so far gone that it breaks him completely." He says with venom in his voice.

"I… I can't leave him. He's the only thing good about my life." I stutter out, disarmed by his forwardness.

He sighs and walks over to the couch sitting down next to me. I can't even look at him and a part of me just wants to bolt out the door.

"Isabella. I love my son very much. I know he is angry with me right now but that doesn't change the fact that there is very little I wouldn't do to protect him. Now, I probably could have handled the situation two weeks ago better but that's neither here nor there. I was just trying to look out for him." He takes his hand and brings it to my face forcing me to look at him, "But I can't bear to see him hurt so you need to decide how much he means to you and act accordingly. Do you understand what I am asking of you?"

I just nod and then look away from him. We sit in silence for a long time. I am not sure what to do right now. This didn't quite go like I thought it would. I am glad he has been honest with me but I am a mess. I love Edward beyond any doubt and I can't even fathom a life without him in it. I don't think I could walk away from him. It would break me. I know it. Finally I just sigh and decide I need to end this conversation on my own terms.

I turn and look at him. "I would appreciate in the future; if you have a question or a problem that pertains to me that you come directly to me."

He frowns. "Well, if in the future I have a problem with you I will see you before acting."

I nod at him and get up. "You should call Edward. You're his father; you should be the bigger man and apologize for being an ass. You should have asked me privately about the fourth. I would have been honest with you. And for the record I WAS going to tell him that night when we got home."

He sighs and then smiles. "I can see why he is drawn to you. You remind me a lot of my wife."

"Well, considering she is fucking amazing I will take that as a compliment." I say offering him a genuine smile.

He shakes his head and just laughs as he walks me to the door. "Thank you for coming by Isabella."

"Thank you for meeting with me." I say as I reach my hand out to him. He smiles and shakes it and then turns back around.

I walk out and head to the elevator. I am thinking about our conversation when someone stops the doors from closing and steps in with me. When I look up I see it is Mike. Great! What the hell does he want?

"Bella." He states.

I just glare at him. "What the hell gives you the right to talk to Mr. Cullen about me? Who the hell do you think you are? You piece of shit." I spat at him.

He smiles as he walks closer. "I don't care about you. You're just the slut that Edward is fucking."

"So this is about Edward?" I ask confused.

He puts his hands on either side of me against the wall, pinning me against the back of the elevator.

"Whatever Edward has I can take?" he says as he runs his nose in my hair, moving his tongue along my ear and down my neck. "He didn't tell you that?"

I force my gag reflex back because I know that will just make the situation worse. I immediately take in my surroundings and try to determine my next course of action. I am in an enclosed space; he could rape and beat the shit out of me before the doors even open. Maybe I can distract him enough so that I can get to the emergency call button. I move my hand to his pants and he moans as I place it over his crotch.

"See, I knew you would see it my way." He growls in my ear.

I grab his balls in my hand and squeeze tightly. "Fuck" he mutters as he grabs my hair, pulling my head back. I move my hand away from his crotch and then go to knee him but he arches away from me so he doesn't get the full force of it. Shit!

"You want to play rough Bella? Is that what this is?" he smiles at me and I know I seriously misjudged him.

He grins at me as he pulls me flush against him and walks us back towards the elevator doors. My heart drops the minute the elevator jerks to a stop. Shit, think Swan. You're smarter than this asshole. I try to position myself so that I can hit the emergency call button but he stops me, forcing me to the corner of the elevator opposite of the buttons.

He shakes his head. "Bella, if you try anything I will tell Edward how we fucked in this elevator."

He leans in to me and brings his mouth to mine as he grinds against me. "Do you think he will still want you then?"

He brings his mouth to my neck and starts sucking on me as he runs his hands over my body. Oh hell no! I push him away and hit him across the face as hard as I can. He smiles and touches his face. He pushes me back in the corner, holding me in place.

I stare at him. "He won't believe I would voluntarily fuck you again, especially since I wasn't satisfied the first time."

He frowns and slaps me across the face. Fine, hit me asshole, you think I can't take a hit. I'd rather him hit me than fuck me. That gives me an idea.

I smile at him, "Is that the best you can do?" I say laughing, "I guess you hit as well as you fuck."

He frowns again and then throws me against the elevator doors, pinning me there and moving real close to my face. "I can show you how good I can hit and fuck." He says as he bites down on my lip, "You won't be calling me Edward this time, Bella. I guarantee that."

He starts kissing me and once again I have to hold back the urge to vomit. I start kissing him back in the hope that he will loosen his hold on me. It works because he brings his hand under my shirt and starts moving it over my breast. I shift my body slightly and press the emergency call button and the alarm sounds causing him to step away from me.

"You little bitch!" he shouts as he starts fixing his suit and running his fingers through his hair.

"Like I haven't been called that before." I say as the elevator starts moving again. When the doors open we are on the first floor and I walk out, pissed, as Mike follows me.

The security guard is walking towards us and looks between me and Mike. Mike flashes him one of those winning smiles that I am sure has opened many doors for him. The security guard looks at him and then immediately brings his attention to me.

"Is everything alright ma'am?" He asks concerned.

Mike steps in front of me and shakes the security guards hand, "Everything is fine. We just had a little misunderstanding." Then he turns to me, "Didn't we Bella? I suppose we could call Mr. Cullen down and I could explain what happened. Should I call him Bella?"

I take a deep breath. So that's how it is? I just glare at him. I am not bringing Mr. Cullen down here, not after the meeting we just had. This is so fucked up because the bottom line is people will see me as just a slut and he knows it. He knows my past history will look badly on me and the fact that we have had sex before will make me unbelievable. It would be the professional business man in his smart suit with his charming smile versus the sex addict with a criminal record.

"Ma'am?" the security guard tries to get my attention.

"I'm fine." I say angrily as I turn and walk out of the building.

I get to my car and look at myself in the mirror. My face is slightly red where he slapped me and my lip is a little swollen from where he bit me but basically I am fine. I've definitely looked a lot worse. Shit! Edward is going to be pissed; maybe I need his protection after all. I sigh as I leave the parking lot. I drive for a bit and find myself in front of a liquor store. I just sit in front of it, hitting my head against the back of my seat, crying, talking myself out of walking inside and grabbing a bottle of Jack Daniel's. After sitting there for over an hour I finally just drive off and head home.

* * *

><p>I am restless the rest of the day and just sit in my house. Fuck, I just need one fucking shot, that's it. What's wrong with one shot? I'm not going to drink the damn bottle or anything. Fuck! I walk over to my bookshelf and just start tossing everything on the floor, pretty soon I am just throwing things until I am finally exhausted and slip down the wall, sitting on the floor, hugging my knees and breathing deeply.<p>

I don't look up when I hear him come in.

"Holy shit! Isabella?" he asks walking in to my mess. When he sees me he drops his bag and rushes over to me. "Baby, are you okay?"

"I had a shitty day and I need a fucking drink." I say not looking at him.

"It's okay baby. I understand." He says softly.

I look up at him, "You understand?" I look down again shaking my head and when I look back at him I shoot him a glare that startles him, "You understand!" I say raising my voice.

I push him away from me, standing up. "You don't fucking understand anything. You have fucking everything and just throw it away at a whim, you have no idea what I fucking feel. You haven't lived my fucking life so don't fucking stand there and tell me you understand. You don't understand shit."

I walk away from him and head to the kitchen going to the cabinet and opening the door, hoping that magically a bottle of Jack Daniel's will appear.

"Fuck!" I scream as I slam the cabinet door closed. I lay my head against my counter and bring my hands behind my neck, banging my forehead against the countertop, trying to get my shit together. I feel his hands move my hair back. He continues to run his fingers through my hair and then starts caressing my back softly. I don't say anything right away; I just let him touch me.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you." I say to the countertop.

He doesn't say anything but brings his hands to my shoulders, massaging them gently and I feel the tears in my eyes. I turn around to face him and he brings his mouth to mine, kissing me softly, and breathing in deeply with every kiss. I move my hands to his pants and unbutton his jeans, stroking him. He lets out a soft sigh and then undoes my pants and pushes them down to the ground.

He doesn't even question it. It's like he already knows what I need. He lifts me up on the counter and pushes inside of me, moving quickly and whispering he loves me over and over again as he lays sweet and sensuous kisses on my lips. He moves his mouth to my neck kissing and gently sucking as he moves in and out. I am crying hard now, so much so that my body is shaking. I move my mouth to his and start kissing him fiercely. I am putting every bit of my anger and sadness and frustration and fear into this kiss as I feel him continue to push into me. I break away from his mouth, breathing hard.

"Oh God! Edward I'm so sorry. I love you." I grab his face in my hands looking into his hurt eyes. "I love you so much. Please forgive me."

"There's nothing to forgive." He says calmly.

He starts kissing me again as his thrusts pick up speed, making me moan and arch into him. I fist his hair, pulling him closer to me as he growls against me. He pulls me down on him and thrusts and thrusts and thrusts until I am exploding around him, screaming and crying at the same time. He continues to push into me until I feel him release inside of me. He holds me in place as our bodies stop quivering and our breathing starts to normalize.

He begins to pull out of me and I stop him, "Please, just hold me." I rest my head against his shoulder and he nods, kissing me softly on the top of my head. I don't know how long he holds me like that but I eventually fall asleep in his arms, completely exhausted from everything that transpired today.

* * *

><p>I wake up in bed alone and glance at my clock. It says 7:50. Geez I have been sleeping for close to three hours. I look at his side of the bed and it doesn't look like he has been in it. Oh God! I hope he didn't leave. I jump up, panic soaring through me. When I walk out of my room and into the living room I see that he is sitting on the couch typing on his laptop with his ear buds in his ears.<p>

I move to the couch and sit down next to him. He quickly pulls his ear buds out and sets his laptop on the coffee table. But before he can say anything I lay my head on his lap, sighing as I look away from him. He brings his hands to my hair, gently running his fingers through it.

"Do you want to tell me happened today?" he asks softly, continuing to stroke my hair.

"I went to see your dad." I say quietly and his fingers stop moving.

"You went to see my dad? Why did you do that?" he asks as he starts moving his fingers again.

"I wanted to see if I could fix it. I don't like that you two aren't talking because of me."

"So how did it go?" he is trying to sound calm but I can hear the tension in his voice.

I sigh, "It went fine. I think we have sort of an understanding."

"Hmm, and what is this understanding?" he says, moving a strand of hair behind my ear.

"He agreed to not be an ass to me and I agreed to not hurt you." I say calmly

He stops moving his fingers and brings his hand to my face forcing me to look at him.

"It's okay really." I say as he runs his fingers along my jaw with a serious expression on his face.

"Baby, its okay I promise." I repeat and he nods, leaning down to kiss my forehead.

"Something else happened though…" I pause not really wanting to tell him about Mike but I know I need to.

"Something with my dad?" he asks concerned.

"No…. There was an incident with Mike." I say and close my eyes.

He stops moving his fingers again. "What happened, Isabella?" I can hear the anger in his voice already and I haven't even said what happened yet.

"Edward, I really need you to be calm." I say as I move from his lap and sit up.

I am looking at him and I know already that this isn't going to be good. He is already angry and when I tell him what happened in the elevator he is going to be livid. Whatever is going on with Mike goes way back with him. I am having a hard time imagining Edward angry and out of control but I can't imagine how he could respond any other way.

* * *

><p><strong>AN…. Ah, okay well I'm sorry I had to end it there. I wanted to give you the Mike vs. Edward showdown as well but that would have just made the chapter way to long so you will have to wait until next chapter. All I can say is Edward is not happy. Hell, I'm about to kick Mike's ass myself…LOL… Alright everyone let me know your thoughts.**

**Okay, have a few A/N for ya:**

**1.) I added a story link for outtakes for Take Me Home. Right now there is just the Dr. Masen outtake but there will be more in the future as well as some possible extras. The story ID is: 7376534. The link is on my profile page. I will post all outtakes on that link but I will mention it on here when I do post one so you know to check it out.**

**2.) Don't forget to vote in the Slash/Backslash 3.0 contest. Voting goes on until Sunday.  
>http:www dot fanfiction dot net/u/2110516/Slash_Backslash  
><strong>

**3.) OMFG! how about the new Breaking Dawn Trailer... OH MY, is it November yet? I posted the new trailer on my blog so if you haven't seen it yet jump to the blog and check it out.**

**4.) FF Recomendation of the week... I thought I would take a moment to rec' a story I have been reading for awhile now. It is almost complete, about 3-4 more chapters and an epi and she updates weekly. It is slightly angsty but not to bad on that end. It is a really interesting take on the characters and I really like her Bella who is pretty feisty, you know how I like.**

**We Are Dealt by Aussiegirl101, story ID. 6828136  
><strong>**Bella is a school teacher in Sydney, Australia. She meets the parents of 6 year-old students Emmett and Rosie- Alice & Edward Cullen. The family has a tragedy in their recent history and they need Bella's help.**


	29. Ch 28: Let the Games Begin

**Rating: M- For lemons (lots of them), language and situations. So this means if you're under 16 please be responsible for yourself.**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer is the sole owner of the world of Twilight. I am just having a little harmless fun with her characters.**

**Once again thank you to my amazing Beta's A & C for your guidance, encouragement & support. Thanks for helping me find some good outfits, LOL… And, thanks to my mom and Auntie who helped me this week with the medical stuff. I have updated the blog with a couple of pictures and of course the newest song. The song I picked for this chapter is by another former AI alumnus. Adam was the runner up during Season 8 (I know you are learning all kinds of useless information about American Idol…LMAO). The song is about someone who has a tendency to sabotage their relationships but doesn't want to do that anymore and isn't sure how to stop. This of course really fits with Bella right now as she tries to deal with quitting drinking, coming to terms with the effects of her previous trauma, Edward's over protectiveness and her tendency to not handle things very well.**

****Ahhh, I know, I know... Bella should have reported Mike but she really does operate from a whole other worldview than you and I and it really did make sense in her mind... And, well let's just **see how Edward REALLY deals with the Mike situation cause I'm about ready to rumble…LOL**

* * *

><p>There might have been a time when I would give myself away<br>Oh once upon a time, I didn't give a damn  
>But now, here we are<br>So what do you want from me?  
>What do you want from me?<p>

Just don't give up I'm working it out  
>Please don't give in, I won't let you down<br>It messed me up, need a second to breathe  
>Just keep coming around<p>

Hey  
>What do you want from me?<br>What do you want from me?  
>What do you want from me?<p>

Yeah, it's plain to see, baby your beautiful and there's nothing wrong with you  
>It's me, I'm a freak but thanks for loving me cause you're doing it perfectly<br>Yeah there might have been a time when I would let you slip away  
>I wouldn't even try but I think you could save my life<p>

Just don't give up on me, I won't let you down, I won't let you down

Whataya Want From Me by Adam Lambert

**Chapter 28: Let the games begin**

"Baby, its okay I promise." He nods and leans down to kiss my forehead.

"Something else happened though…" I pause not really wanting to tell him about Mike but I know I need to.

"Something with my dad?" he asks concerned.

"No… There was an incident with Mike." I say and close my eyes.

He stops moving his fingers again. "What happened, Isabella?" I can hear the anger in his voice already and I haven't even said what happened yet.

"Edward, I really need you to be calm." I say as I move from his lap and sit up.

I am looking at him and I know already that this isn't going to be good. He is already angry and when I tell him what happened in the elevator he is going to be livid. Whatever is going on with Mike goes way back with him. I am having a hard time imagining him angry and out of control but I can't imagine how he could respond any other way.

"He followed me into the elevator when I was leaving your dad's office." I pause, taking a deep breath. "He tried to have sex with me." His eyes widen and rage flashes across his beautiful face. "He didn't actually, you know, rape me but he touched me and kissed me." I pause, watching him take deep breaths, "I hit him and he slapped me and then kind of threw me against the elevator doors, pinning me against them. It was…"

"He hit you?" he says, interrupting me and I can tell that he has a tenuous grasp on his self control.

I sigh, "Yes, but…" I pause and look down. "Edward… I kissed him." I look at him and see hurt there. "I was trying to distract him so I could hit the emergency button but I kissed him none the less. I'm so sorry. He was stronger than me and I was trapped. I couldn't have him touch me, I…"

"Shhh, I'm not mad at you." He pulls me to him, kissing the top of my head. "Baby, I need you to tell me everything he said and did. Can you do that?"

I nod and proceed to run through our entire exchange, watching his expressions change with every detail I explain. He cringes when I tell him what he said before I pushed the emergency button. He seems sickened and disgusted by the whole thing.

"After I left, I literally sat in front of a liquor store for over an hour before finally coming home. I was a mess earlier. Well, you already know that." I hesitate; irritated at how I acted earlier and that once again I took everything out on him.

"I mean it's not that anything really happened but it's more that… I really misjudged him. When I was with him that one time he didn't strike me as someone I needed to fear and I can usually pick that up really well. I could have protected myself better. I know how to fight but I don't know. I just didn't see him as a threat. I saw him as weak." I pause, frustrated with myself for being so wrong about the situation.

Edward just shakes his head, looking down and breathing in deeply. "This isn't your fault Bella. This is Mike's."

"Edward, how he interacted with me today was totally different. He didn't want to be with me, he just wanted to hurt me." I look at his troubled expression, "He wanted to hurt you."

He nods. "We have a tumultuous history with one another."

"What is this history about?" I can't fathom anyone ever hating this kind and gentle man.

"It's stupid. It started in high school. I was always really sort of nerdy. I just read my books and stuck to myself. Alice was the popular one. I was just her weird brother. I was very awkward but after my sophomore year I went through a real growth spurt and that summer Alice decided to take me on as a project." He sort of laughs and I can't help but smile. I can picture her playing dress up with him. "She sort of revamped my style and, I don't know, when I started my junior year girls started approaching me. People just started noticing me. It was kind of strange."

He leans back against the couch and closes his eyes. "That's when all the drama started with Mike. Apparently some girl he was trying to get with asked me out. It was actually my first date." He turns to me and smiles, "Of course it was nothing like our first date."

I smile, well I would imagine not.

"So anyway, he started a lot of rumors about me, saying I was gay and that I was pretending to like girls. It was a mess. Then second semester my dad talked me into trying out for the baseball team and I ended up making varsity. I was pretty good, they said I was good enough that I could play in college but I never wanted to be a ball player. It was just something fun to do. Well Mike and I were on the same team and I guess before I came along he was the star player. So my junior and senior years were pretty much insane. Mike continued to start trouble with me and I continued to ignore him. He has this weird fixation with me, a rivalry I guess you would say." He shrugs and closes his eyes again.

Well, there really is no comparison. No man can compete with Edward, which I imagine was hard to take for an arrogant asshole like Mike. He opens his eyes and smiles at me before continuing.

"We went to the same college but didn't have any classes together since we were majoring in different areas but any time I saw him, there was a problem. I think he pursued working for my dad as another jab at me. It was like he was saying to me _see I'm the son he always wanted, following in his footsteps, future CEO_." When he says the last part he looks down again and closes his eyes.

He takes a few slow breaths in and out and then finally opens his eyes to me; they are filled with longing and despair. At the situation with me or not living up to his dad's expectations, I'm not really sure.

"He is, in a way, doing everything my dad wanted me to do." He says softly.

"Edward, your dad loves you very much and I am sure he is more than proud of you. Mike's an ass. He's just trying to hurt you." I say indignant.

I don't know who I am angrier with Mike for torturing him for no apparent reason or Carlisle for giving him the impression that he hasn't lived up to his standards.

"Well, I never imagined that he would hurt someone I love to get back at me. I didn't think he hated me that much." He runs his hand down my face, "I'm going over there in the morning." He says determinedly as he gets up from the couch and starts pacing, running his fingers through his hair.

"What will that accomplish?" God! That's all I need, him to storm in there starting a fight. Mr. Cullen will just blame me for this, for not "taking care" of his son.

He turns to look at me. "I am not going to let him do what he did. Plus, there has to be a video from the elevators. That will prove what he did and then we can report him."

I just stare at him, knowing damn well nothing in my life works that easily. Plus, doesn't he realize that if we file charges against Mike my history will be on display.

"I don't want to press charges against him." He stops his pacing, looking over at me.

"Why?" He says angrily.

"Because the only thing that will accomplish is having my sexual history displayed for the whole of Seattle to see. Alec & Riley will be on the front page. I just can't do that. I won't. I won't embarrass either of us that way." I say decisively.

He stares at me for a few minutes and then starts pacing again. "Well, I am still going over there."

"Then I am coming with you." He turns to look at me again and then shakes his head.

"No. I don't want him anywhere near you." He says, sitting back down next to me, "I need you safe. I won't let you get hurt." He is staring at me with such intensity. I am not sure how I am supposed to respond.

"If you are going over there I am coming with you. Besides, what's he going to do to me with you right there?" We just sit on the couch and stare at each other for a long time. I think he senses that I am not about to budge on this.

"Fine." He says but he certainly doesn't sound fine.

"Can we not talk about this anymore? My head is killing me and I'm hungry. Can we go get something to eat?" I say, trying to move to something lighter.

"I ordered Chinese food. It's in the fridge. We just need to heat it up."

I lean over to him and kiss him, resting my fingers on either side of his face.

"I love you, baby." I say smiling.

He gives me that half grin that I love so much and kisses me again, laying me back down on the couch. He runs his hand up under my shirt touching my breast and tugging on my nipple ring, grinning as he hears me moan. Who needs food?

* * *

><p>I am a nervous wreck as the elevators open up to Cullen Enterprise. I hear the sweet as pie secretary say "Edward, it's good to see you" but he doesn't say anything as we walk past her towards the offices. He sees Mike coming out of an office with another person and he immediately moves me behind him. Mike grins at him and then me like this was the exact outcome he was looking for.<p>

"Hey Edward." He says casually before turning to look at me, "Bella, it's so good to see you again." He says, smiling, and that does it for Edward.

Everything happens so fast. The next thing I know Edward has let go of my hand and is storming across to Mike. I see him hit him square on the jaw as Mike pushes him back, then Edward hits him again on the face, hitting his cheek which causes Mike to fall to the ground. Edward gets a couple of body hits in before three office employees pull him off of Mike and I hear Mr. Cullen shouting.

"Edward, what the hell is going on?" he says as Edward is squirming in the clutches of the men holding him.

"Let me go." He shouts at them.

I quickly move in front of him and start running my fingers along his jaw, drawing his attention away from Mike. When he is looking at me his breathing starts to slow down and I glance at the men holding him as they reluctantly let him go. I wrap my arms around his waist, resting my head against his chest, feeling his heart beat rapidly.

"Why don't you ask him?" Edward spits out, glaring in Mike's direction.

Mike is getting up, Edward got in several good punches so he is bleeding. I should probably go over to see if he needs medical attention but I can't make myself move away from Edward. Mr. Cullen looks between Edward and Mike, and then to me.

"Isabella. What is going on?" he says to me, still angry.

Edward quickly moves me behind him again. Geez Edward, what's your dad going to do?

"Why are you asking her dad? This isn't her fault." He states angrily. "This is his fault." He motions towards Mike. "He attacked her in the elevators when she was leaving yesterday."

Mike starts laughing. "Is that what she told you?" He turns back to me, offering a sly smile, "Bella, shame on you." He says mockingly.

Edward starts to advance again but I tug on the hand he is holding forcing him to turn and look at me. When he does I shake my head at him. He nods reluctantly and then turns back around facing his father.

"Pull the elevator tapes. You'll see."

Mr. Cullen is just standing there speechless as the elevator doors open and two security guards walk in. I guess someone called and informed them there was a problem. One of the guards is from the other day and he immediately looks at me and then at Mike and sighs. Yeah Buddy, welcome to my fucked up world.

"I need to see the video tape of my elevator from about 10:50 to 11:15 from yesterday." Mr. Cullen says to the security guards.

"I don't know if we can do that sir."

Mr. Cullen shoots him a death glare that makes me cower and it isn't even aimed at me. Then he turns to the girl at the front desk.

"Get Marcus on the phone." Everyone is just staring, no one is moving. "NOW!" he bellows and everyone in the vicinity jumps slightly. Geez, I am glad it's not just me that he intimidates.

Mr. Cullen talks to someone for a few minutes on the phone and then a little while later a man brings up a video tape. Dang! Mr. Cullen has some serious clout. He takes it to the conference room and motions for me, Edward and Mike to come inside. When he puts the tape in it shows me entering and then Mike. There is no sound but it shows us talking and then him leaning in to me. It looks like he is kissing me and then you see my hand go to his pants and Mike just smiles. Why is he smiling? The next part is when he gets rough with me. Except, the next part isn't there, the video gets fuzzy so you can't really see what is happening. The video itself looks just like a couple getting hot and heavy in an elevator. You can't make out him hitting me, or anything really significant. I look at Edward confused.

"She's lying to you Edward. Sorry. I guess that's what's to be expected when you hook up with a slut." Mike says maliciously.

Edward lets go of my hand again and launches at Mike but doesn't make it over to him before Mr. Cullen stops him.

"Edward, get a hold of yourself." He says as he moves him away from Mike, "I don't see anything in this video that indicates she was attacked. Now I'm not sure why the video is fuzzy but..." Mr. Cullen starts to say.

"He did something to the tape!" Edward states furiously, interrupting his dad.

"You're kidding? How the hell would I have messed with the tape?" Mike spits back at him.

"Edward, Mike doesn't have that kind of clearance. He wouldn't have access to any of the surveillance videos." Then he hesitates looking down and taking a deep breath before finally looking back up. "I think you and Isabella need to leave. I have to fix this mess."

Edward just stares at him. "You don't believe me?"

"My hands are tied, son." Mr. Cullen says evenly.

"Don't call me son." Edward fumes back as he takes my hand pulling me out of the conference room. I turn around to see Mr. Cullen with a scowl on his face and Mike smiling as we exit. Shit!

* * *

><p>The next week and a half was a nightmare. Edward was moody, I was moody. He said he believed me but a part of me questions whether he actually does. If I just saw that video and didn't know my version. I take a deep breath knowing I would have a hard time believing that it wasn't consensual.<p>

I am seriously craving my Jack Daniels as well, which doesn't make the situation any better. I have been extremely irritable lately and argumentative with Edward. It seems like I argue with him about any little thing. He doesn't say anything though. He just lets me yell at him and then we have hot sex. I apologize, he forgives me, and we have sex again. I sigh. I really need to get my shit together.

I am staring at myself in the mirror and shaking my head. Rosalie talked us into going to this Halloween party at the U. She said Emmett is making her go and since I was her best friend it was required that I attend as well. She said there was no way in hell she was going to a frat house without some back up. I worked today but I got off a few hours early so I could get ready. I told Edward that I wanted to take my car and of course he agreed. So I am supposed to meet him at his house in a half an hour. Man, I really don't want to go to this party. I know there will be a truck load of booze there and I am not sure how I am going to handle that.

I had no desire to put together some elaborate couples theme so we had joked that maybe we should switch roles. He could be the doctor and I could be the student. That worked for me because that meant seeing Edward in scrubs again, which was beyond hot. Since I have absolutely no creativity when it comes to things like this I just decided to channel Britney Spears from the "Baby one more time" video. I have a black lace bra on with a white button down shirt unbuttoned and tied right above my ribcage and I cap it off with a grey sweater pushed up to my elbows. I am wearing a black pleated short skirt and grey socks that come up to my knees along with some black heeled Doc Martens and I have my hair in two braids. Now, I must say I am sporting this look but I am not so sure how Edward will respond to it. He will either be hot and hard all night because of it or he will be freaking out trying to cover me up so no one looks at me. He's so all over the place sometimes that I can't predict what he'll do.

The drive to his place is quick. I am anxious to get this night started and over with as soon as possible. When Edward opens the door he looks stunning and I want to fuck him immediately. He is wearing a pair of light blue scrubs, a light blue cap over his glorious hair, and he has a stethoscope around his neck. He finishes the look with a white lab coat. He is looking me up and down and I swear I hear him growl as he pulls me in the house and starts kissing me immediately.

"You look so good, I'm not sure if we should go anywhere." He whispers against me.

He turns me around to face the wall they have near the door so that I can see myself in the mirrors. I smile at him as he moves his hands over my stomach; tracing the skin I have exposed which, I must say, is a lot.

"You know maybe we should put up mirrors on one of my walls." I whisper as I lean back into him, closing my eyes.

He leans in real close to my ear. "So we can have sex in front of it." he says softly.

I smile and open my eyes as he grins at me in the mirror.

"Well, I have thought of fucking you right here but I don't think Emmett and Jasper would approve." he whispers, sending shivers across my skin.

"Approve of what?" Emmett bellows nearby, "Dang, Bella. Edward better not let you out of his sight tonight. You look hot!"

I turn and smile at him and then hear Rosalie laugh. They are dressed as a fireman and firewoman. It is definitely an interesting look. Emmett has yellow pants with red suspenders that are hanging off, along with a see through muscle shirt, a red fireman hat and black boots. Good lord! That man is seriously packing some heat. And, Rosalie? Holy hell. She is wearing this black spandex dress I suppose you could call it, zipped down midway exposing a bra that says smokin, she is wearing a black fireman hat and some seriously high black fuck me boots. Holy Shit! They might get arrested for indecent exposure in those outfits. They are making me and Edward look very, very tame. This should be an interesting night.

* * *

><p>The party has been rather uneventful. When we walked in everyone turned to look at us. Well I think they were actually looking at Rosalie and Emmett because, hot damn, they both look amazing. After the initial staring was done everything was fine. Edward introduced me to several of his friends who seem real nice, except they kept offering me alcohol. Finally, Edward brings me to the dance floor so we can dance together.<p>

"Sorry about that." He whispers.

"It's okay. I was never a beer drinker so this isn't so bad. Now if someone opens up some whiskey you better get me out of here." I say, smiling as he leans down, kissing me.

It doesn't take long for our kiss to become heated. We hear a noise near us and both glance at Rosalie and Emmett. They both have one hand on their hips and are wagging their fingers at us with serious looks on their faces. We both just grin and flip them off as we continue kissing and chuckle when we hear them laughing. He keeps me flush to him and I look up at him smiling.

"How do men hide their boners in scrubs?" He whispers in my ear.

I step back, laughing hysterically, and he pulls me close to him again laughing. "I'm serious Bella. I have a serious tent going on over here."

I smile, "Back up towards the wall."

We start moving that way. He kisses me again when his back hits the wall and I move my hand in his scrubs, stroking him. His eyes flutter closed as he hits his head against the wall, swallowing hard.

"I don't want to do this right here." He says through raspy breaths. "There are too many people. Let's find a room or something."

I stop moving my hand and glance around, not seeing anything open; then I see a set of stairs. I move my hand out of his scrubs and grab his hand jerking him with me behind the stairs. We can hear people going up and down but you have to really look to see us. He smiles widely and pulls his scrub pants and boxers down. I smile, someone is eager.

"Do you want to be in my mouth or my pussy?" I ask him seductively and his eyes roll back before his lids close again.

I grin and make him sit down, "I want to feel you inside me." I whisper as I move my panties aside and come down on him.

He starts moaning loudly and I bring my mouth to his, biting down on his bottom lip, "Baby, Shhh or we are going to have an audience. Unless that's something you want?" I whisper close to his mouth.

He shakes his head slightly as he looks at me. He unties my shirt, exposing my black bra. I move my hands to the front and unsnap my bra for him. He brings his mouth to one of my breasts and starts fondling the other one, tweaking and pulling on my nipple ring. I pause for a moment as I take a few deep breaths, enjoying the sensations he creates in my body and when he looks up at me with that lopsided grin of his I just about come on the spot. I move my hands to his head and throw the cap he's wearing on the floor so that I can move my fingers into his hair. He moans as I start tugging on it as I start moving up and down on him quickly. He switches breasts and I throw my head back, biting on my bottom lip, trying desperately not to scream.

"Fuck, baby you feel so good." He whispers through erratic breaths.

He puts my breast back in his mouth and bites and pulls on the ring there while twisting on the one in his hand and it is too much for me. I fist his hair and bring his mouth back to mine so I can kiss him, moaning into his mouth as I come hard around him. He groans against me, pushing my hips up and down and then stilling his movements as he releases inside me, panting. We hold each other in this position for a long while until we start breathing normally again.

"I am going to need to find a bathroom to clean up; otherwise these panties of mine are going to be absolutely useless." I say softly.

"I think the bathroom is on the other side of the stairs." He says gruffly, trying to gain control of his vocal abilities again.

"Can you see it?" I ask and he nods.

"Is there a line?" he grins and then shakes his head.

I smile and kiss him again. "Okay, I am going to clean up. I'll be right back."

"I'll be over by Emmett and Rosalie." I nod and head to the bathroom.

Luckily it is still early enough so the bathroom isn't occupied. I wash up quickly and fix my makeup before heading back out there. I spot him immediately and I'll be damned, that skank is talking to him. He looks irritated and then she touches him again, well she is actually trying to play with his stethoscope, but in the process she is touching him. That bitch!

He smiles when he sees me. I don't even say anything to her but come in front of him with my back to her, essentially pushing her back. I kiss him fervently, bringing my hand into his hair as he starts moaning at my touch. I can hear her back away and then hear Rosalie laughing. I break away from him, smiling, and wink at Rosalie before looking back at him.

"Why is it when I leave that skank comes wandering around?" I ask him, I am smiling but he knows I am irritated.

"I don't know baby. Maybe you need to give me a huge hickey again? That held her off for a few weeks." he says grinning and tilts his head slightly, exposing his neck.

I look at him and start laughing as I hit his arm. He grins and pulls me back to him, touching my bare skin and I forget about Tanya the skank for a little while. I glance at Emmett and notice he has already lost that muscle shirt and is now proudly bare-chested. I just shake my head. He and Rosalie are too perfect for one another. Emmett and Edward are talking and I look around the room until I spot her. When I see her head towards the bathroom I glance at Rosalie who motions to the bathroom. Apparently she had been watching her as well.

"Potty break boys, we'll be right back." She says winking at Emmett and running her fingers down his chest before spinning around and grabbing my hand.

We bolt to the bathroom and excuse ourselves in front of the line. When we enter she is washing her hands. Rosalie leans against the door, blocking it, as I walk towards her.

"Look, I don't want any trouble." She says, trying to be cool but she is anything but.

"If you are avoiding trouble why are you making a play at Edward?" I say, moving closer to her. "That seems like you _want_ trouble to me."

She just looks at me and puts her hands on her hips, "Bella, isn't it?" she starts and I nod at her, smiling. Oh, this ought to be interesting.

"I wasn't aware that it was against the law to talk to him." She says snootily.

I push her back against the wall quickly. Before she can even register what is happening I place my forearm firmly against her neck and bring my body flush against her, pinning her to the wall.

"It's against _my_ fucking law." I say angrily and she looks past me to Rosalie. I smile at her. "She isn't going to help you."

"I…I… I don't want..." she starts to say.

"Trouble… Is that the word you are looking for?" I glare at her. "Look skank, you stay the fuck away from him. You don't touch him ever. Do you hear me?" she nods, "Do you know what I do?" she looks confused and then shakes her head, "I'm a doctor. Do you know what that means?" she shakes her head again. "It means I know exactly where to hurt you so it doesn't show." She glances back at Rosalie again, terror in her eyes. "Quit looking at her, she's not going to help you. Now do we understand each other?" she nods again. "I swear to you, if I see you flirting with him again I will hurt you." I move away from her.

She is staring at me horrified. God that felt good. Too bad I couldn't use that shit on Mike. He must be some kind of masochist or something because normally squeezing the balls is a good to go move. I turn and look at Rosalie who has a shit eating grin on her face and I can tell she is trying desperately not to laugh.

"Damn, Swan. Remind me not to piss you off!" she says and I shrug as we walk out the door, leaving Tanya in the bathroom to hyperventilate in peace.

We return to the boys who are looking at us curiously. I move close to Edward and kiss him again.

"I'm sorry about Tanya, baby." He kisses me softly, "are you still mad at me?"

I smile, "No, I'm not mad at you and I don't think Tanya will be a problem anymore." I say casually.

He steps aside slightly so he can look at me. "Really?"

"Yes, I believe Tanya recognizes the error of her ways." I say laughing, at least she better.

"That's if she has stopped hyperventilating." Rosalie says, chuckling against Emmett.

"Baby, what did you do?" he looks at me, trying to hold back a smile.

"Nothing... We just had some girl talk." I say, offering my best innocent smile which for once I am able to pull off thanks to this outfit I got on.

"Hmm, I see." He says finally laughing and kisses me again.

We spend most of our time dancing and having fun. I have never been to a party without drinking. This is very unusual, but good. Of course the more we danced, the closer we got and I had no shame about bumping and grinding on the dance floor. This time there was no Alice to interrupt us. So needless to say I needed to relieve some pressure for Edward. There was no way in hell I was going to let all these chicks here see what he is packing. So we found a quiet little spot where I could give him head without any interruptions. Man, this has really turned out to be a great night.

"I'll be right back baby." He says kissing me lightly.

"But how will I entertain myself without you?"

"Have I told you how much I love that smart mouth of yours?" He says kissing me again.

"Hurry back." I say grinning.

I walk over to the food table and grab a snack. When I feel someone come up behind me I initially smile thinking it is Edward but then realize he doesn't "fit" where Edward does. Fuck! Now what?

"Hey Bella." he whispers in my ear. Fucking A! What did I do in a past life that has caused so much damn negative karma to hit me?

"Get the fuck away from me Riley." I say angrily.

"So was that your boyfriend you were dancing with?" he whispers against me.

"Yes it was. So back the fuck off."

"Does he know about us?" he says running his hand up my arm. I swat it away from me causing him to laugh as he tries to move closer to me.

"Yes, I do." I hear Edward say furiously.

Riley backs away from me quickly and turns to look at him. Edward takes his arm and moves it in front of me, guiding me behind him. He is just staring at Riley. God, here we go again. I try to pull on him to come with me but he doesn't move. He is caught in a stare down with Riley who obviously has no sense of self-preservation.

"So, you know she likes to share? Well, I don't mind sharing but I'm ..." He starts to say but Edward is on him already.

Everyone moves away from them. God! It's just like high school. Edward hits him across the face and Riley pushes him back, punching him in the jaw. Edward swings again and hits him near his eye knocking him against some shelves, causing all the items to fall on the floor. Riley picks up some kind of trophy or award of some sort that drops to the ground and swings it at Edward, hitting him on the forehead. Edward steps back for a second bringing his hand to his head.

"I can't believe you want to fight over a whore." Riley says spitting blood on the floor.

Wrong thing to say because Edward attacks again and starts hitting his face over and over until Emmett yanks him off of him.

Emmett turns around. "Riley, get the fuck out of here." Then he turns to Edward. "E, you need to calm the fuck down." Edward nods at him and Emmett lets him go. I run over to him and make him look at me.

"Are you okay?" I turn his head and there is blood gushing from the wound on his forehead. His face is covered in blood so I can't tell how bad it is.

"Someone hand me a towel or something."

Emmett looks around and grabs the kid nearest him pulling off his shirt and handing it to me. I look at him for a second and then bunch it up, placing it on Edward's wound.

I turn to Rosalie. "I have a kit in my trunk can you get it? I think he might need stitches." I say as I remove the shirt and examine the wound, "Definitely needs stitches." I put the shirt back against his head wound and reach into his coat pocket, pulling out my keys, handing them to her.

"I'll be right back." Rosalie says as she takes off outside.

"Call an ambulance, man!" someone shouts.

"Edward, baby. I need you to sit down. But I need water so we need to go to the bathroom. Can you walk?" I ask calmly. He nods but when he tries to walk he stumbles.

"Hold this on your head baby." I say as I bring his hand up to his head holding the shirt in place.

I look at Emmett. "He needs help. Can you get him to the bathroom?"

He nods, "Eric, come help me man."

They get him to the bathroom and sit him on the toilet just as Rosalie brings in my kit. Now I am a surgeon so my kit is slightly different than a general doctor. Shit, my kit has all the stuff needed to stitch someone up, plus I have a set of scalpels, pain meds, gloves, and all sorts of other medical supplies. I could do a small operation with what I have. Not that it would be very sanitary but I could do it.

"How do you want to do this?" Rosalie asks quietly, no longer my best friend, but a nurse, ready to assist.

"It's too deep and wide to use the glue so I am going to need to suture it." I turn to Edward, "Baby, do you know if you are allergic to Lidocaine?" he looks at me confused, "Have you ever had an anesthetic before? Like Novocain, anything like that?"

Recognition finally kicks in. "I've had Novocain before. Is that what the dentist gives you?"

I smile, "Yes, baby it is. Did you have any problems with it?"

He shakes his head and I smile then turn to Rosalie. "Can you prep the Lidocaine? And I think I am going to use the ¼ inch Taper as well."

She nods and slips on some gloves and immediately starts getting out what I need, laying it on the counter. Once done with that she goes to Edward and starts cleaning the excess blood off of his face while I grab the soap from my kit and go to the sink to wash my hands. Once I dry my hands I grab a set of gloves and put them on.

"Baby, take these." I hand him some pain medication which he looks at and takes without question.

Rosalie hands me the Lidocaine and when Edward sees the needle he closes his eyes. "Baby, I am going to numb the area around this gash. It's really deep and wide, plus it's on your face so I am going to stitch it okay?" He nods without opening his eyes. So I start inserting the needle around the wound until I have gone completely around the area. "Baby, it's going to take a few minutes before it is ready." I take his hand and set it down as I hold the shirt in place, wiping the excess blood away from the wound.

"That's a fucking trip" I hear coming from outside the room which now has tons of people trying to peek in to see what we are doing. I am bending down talking to Rosalie about what my plan is as she prepares the Taper for me when I hear her.

"Oh my God, Edward, are you alright?"

I take a deep breath and look at Rosalie who is shaking her head at me. I close my eyes and try not to focus on the bitch at the door.

"Edward. Can you hear me?" she says hysterically.

I look at Rosalie again and she just sighs. I take a breath and start speaking loudly, "Look skank, everything is under control so get the hell away from the door, unless of course you are prepared for the consequences of your actions."

Everyone is silent. Rosalie has a slight grin on her face and Edward looks at me. I smile at him and wink. He just grins and closes his eyes again. I stand up, mostly to check Edward to see if he is ready and she actually flinches back. Which is kind of funny because I am nowhere near her, like I am that crazy to leave Edward sitting here while I beat the crap out of her?

Emmett howls with laughter, "Holy Shit Bella!"

I smile at him as I start touching around Edward's wound. "Can you feel that Baby?"

"No." he replies looking up at me. "What exactly did you and Tanya talk about?"

"Shhh."

I put my hand out and Rosalie hands me the Taper needle. I start stitching him up using small loops that are real close together. I don't want him to have a scar so I am working diligently to make it good.

"You know baby, you can't go around fighting every man I have been with." I say softly so only he and Rosalie can hear me. Emmett is now at the door telling people to go, that Edward is fine and being stitched up by his girlfriend.

"I wasn't going to let him talk about you like that." He says with closed eyes and a determined look on his face. "He's already spread too many rumors about you."

"I love you sweetheart but this caveman thing needs to stop." I say softly.

He sighs and opens his eyes to me. "I'm sorry. I… I don't know. I can't help it."

I am not sure how to respond. This is the second fight he has gotten into in less than two weeks. Both related to me. God! Is this what his dad was talking about? I just shake my head and sigh.

When I am done Rosalie looks at my work smiling. "That looks good Dr. Swan; he isn't going to have a noticeable scar."

I grin at her, "Well, thank you Nurse Hale." Then we both just laugh at the absurdity of the circumstance.

I turn my attention back to Edward and lean down to kiss him softly on the lips. I am crouched down so we are eye level.

"Baby, I love you so much." I kiss him lightly and then whisper against his lips, "Let's go home."

He kisses me again and I get lost in it, forgetting about everyone around us and just let his lips make me feel perfect, make me feel whole.

* * *

><p><strong>AN… Okay, well a lot goes on in this chapter and how many like that Edward goes all brawler on Mike & Riley? I know you probably have questions about the tape but I'm not saying ANYTHING! Don't forget I get paid to keep secrets so I am VERY good at it! LMAO…. Alright, next chapter will be EPOV, so we'll get to see what's been going on in that caveman mind of his, hehehehehe… Okay folks; let me know your thoughts and theories. **

**Couple of other notes:  
><strong>**1.) One of my beta's, Amanda, has a birthday coming up on Tuesday soooooo, I will be posting an outtake for her this coming Tuesday on the TMH Outtakes link. So keep an eye out for it :-)**

**2.) Rec' for this week is a completed story. When I found this story I was sooooo missing Fifty and her Edward has character traits that remind me of him. She by far is not copying Icy or MOTU. I love TF's story which is very original, she has an excellent back story for Edward plus, the interactions with the secondary characters are fantastic, especially Tyler with Bella.**

**Fridays at Noon by Troublefollows1017, story id: 6453369  
><strong>**Edward Masen's life intersects with Bella's at the restaurant he dines at for lunch every ****Friday****. He's handsome, arrogant, and is used to avoiding love. She isn't impressed by the things that usually have women falling at his feet. **


	30. Ch 29: Heavy Clouds

**Rating: M- For lemons (lots of them), language and situations. So this means if you're under 16 please be responsible for yourself.**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer is the sole owner of the world of Twilight. I am just having a little harmless fun with her characters.**

**Okay, this chapter is seriously long but it had to be done! What can I say, Edward was feeling loquacious.**

**Once again thank you to my amazing Beta's A & C for your guidance, encouragement & support. You girls are freaking awesome! I have updated the blog with pictures and of course the newest song. Now the song I chose for this chapter is very much Edward at this moment. It is by Rob Thomas and is the story of a man who has to sit back and watch as the woman he loves falls to pieces while he feels helpless, just grasping for anything to make things better.**

**Now, last chapter was a bit difficult for Edward and Geez, if he is going to fight everyone that she has been with we are going to have a fight club going on. **

* * *

><p>By the light of the moon she rubs her eyes<br>Says it's funny how the night can make you blind, I can just imagine  
>And I don't know what I'm supposed to do<br>But if she feels bad then I do too, so I let her be

And she says, ooh I can't take no more  
>Her tears like diamonds on the floor<br>And her diamonds bring me down cause I can't help her  
>Now, she's down in it, she tried her best and now she can't win it<br>It's hard to see them on the ground, her diamonds falling down

Well, she sits down and stares in to the distance and it takes all night  
>And I know I could break her concentration but it don't feel right<p>

By the light of the moon she rubs her eyes  
>Sits down on the bed and starts to cry and there's something less about her<br>And I don't know what I'm supposed to do  
>So I sit down and I cry too but don't let her see<p>

She shuts out the night, tries to close her eyes.  
>If she can find daylight she'll be alright, just not tonight.<p>

Her Diamonds by Rob Thomas

**Chapter 29: Heavy Clouds**

EPOV

I walk out of the bathroom grinning. This has been a great night. Aside from Tanya being an idiot again things have gone well. God I really need to get Bella home. That outfit she has on has had me hard all evening. She has been working it to, making sure she can feel my length against her so she can mess with me. But I can't complain I have had sex and head in the past couple of hours and now I am about to take her home. I need to make love to her badly. I smile when I see her at the food table and then frown when some asshole comes up behind her. What the hell!

When I walk closer I hear him say "Does he know about us?" and I recognize that fucking voice.

I am seriously pissed off now, "Yes, I do."

He steps away from her and turns to look at me. I move Bella behind me and stare at him.

"So, you know she likes to share? Well, I don't mind sharing but I'm going …."

Fuck! I can't even think straight as I charge him. I hit him across the face and then he pushes me back hitting my jaw. I hit him again and it knocks him back into a shelf knocking everything down. He just grabs the first thing he sees, swinging it at me. I try to duck out of the way but it hits me on my forehead above my eye brow. Shit! That hurts. I bring my hand to my head and it is wet so I know I am bleeding.

"I can't believe you want to fight over a whore." He says spitting blood on the floor.

Oh what the hell! That fucking asshole. I lunge at him again and this time he has nothing to hit me with as I continue to pound his face. I feel strong arms pull me off and then hear Emmett yell at Riley and tell me to calm down. I nod at him and take a few deep breaths when I feel Bella's hands on me.

"Are you okay?" she says panicked, "Someone hand me a towel or something."

I feel light headed and the rest is sort of a blur. I can hear Bella talking and I think I make out the word "stitches" and then I feel Emmett and someone else basically carrying me off. I end up in the bathroom and now my head is really spinning and hurts like hell.

"Baby, do you know if you are allergic to Lidocaine?" I hear Bella ask and I am trying to understand what she just asked me. "Have you ever had an anesthetic before? Like Novocain, anything like that?" she clarifies.

Oh wait, I think I have had that Novocain thing so I tell her yes, and then shake my head when she asks if I had any side effects. Damn! She sounds so hot talking like a doctor.

"Baby, take these." She says to me handing me some pills. I don't know what it is but I take them anyways. Hell, she's a doctor. She isn't going to do anything that will hurt me.

Rosalie hands her this huge needle, so I just close my eyes not wanting to look at it. That's all I need, to look like a wuss, passing out at the sight of a needle. She tells me she is going to stitch me up and I just nod. What am I going to say? No, let me bleed. Whatever she gave me is starting to kick in because I am feeling a bit loopy. I hear Tanya say something and then hear Bella.

"Look skank, everything is under control so get the hell away from the door, unless of course you are prepared for the consequences of your actions." Bella says crossly.

I can't help but look at her and am rewarded with a sly smile and wink. I grin at her and close my eyes again. Like I have any choice, my eyes close all on their own accord. And then I hear Emmett boom out "Holy Shit Bella!" and I open my eyes again. What the hell did she do?

"Can you feel that baby?" she says. I don't feel anything; I would assume she is touching where my head no longer hurts but hell if I know.

"No." I reply looking at her and finally curiosity takes over. "What exactly did you and Tanya talk about?"

"Shhh." Is all she says, smiling.

"You know baby, you can't go around fighting every man I have been with." she says softly as she stitches the gash on my head.

"I wasn't going to let him talk about you like that." I finally say determinedly. "He's already spread too many rumors about you."

"I love you sweetheart but this caveman thing needs to stop." she says softly.

I sigh and open my eyes, looking at her. "I'm sorry. I… I don't know, I can't help it."

What does she expect of me? I am supposed to protect her, take care of her. I have already failed on that account. Making me remember Mike and that fucked up situation. I believe Isabella 100%. I know Mike tried to hurt her. I just can't prove it. I don't know what his deal is but he is up to something. I mean he didn't even fight back when I hit him which isn't like him at all. I just can't figure out what he has to gain by doing all this? And, what the hell happened to that tape. I know he probably didn't mess with it, he's not that smart. Now that I have had time to think about it but I know someone did something to it, for it to be fine except where Mike… Shit! I can't even think about what he tried to do. Bella's soft lips against mine bring me out of my thoughts.

"Baby, I love you so much." She whispers as she kisses me lightly again. "Let's go home."

I kiss her for a long time before finally saying yes; let's get the hell out of here. She smiles at me and says something to Emmett and Rosalie. She helps me up and a few of my friends approach, making sure I am okay and telling Bella that she was awesome. Well, thanks for stating the obvious. I stumble to the car, holding on to Bella. I'm in no shape to do anything once we get to her place and barely make it to the bed before passing out.

* * *

><p>The next week was a blur. I went to school and Bella worked. She was happy when she took the stitches out and told me I wouldn't really have a scar. Well, I don't care about that but it seemed to matter to her. She has been so different since the incident with Mike. I can take her being angry. I understand that, plus the makeup sex is always fantastic. She said she hasn't been craving alcohol as much anymore which is good but she seems so lost in thought all the time. I don't think she is sleeping either. I have caught her several times just staring at the ceiling and when she does sleep she seems to always be crying or whimpering. So I know she is having nightmares again. I wish she would let me help her but she says everything is fine. She won't talk to me about her nightmares and just brushes off her not sleeping as something she goes through sometimes. It doesn't seem normal to me though. I need to talk to my mom about it. Maybe she can help me.<p>

Its 11:00 a.m. on Saturday, we slept in until a few hours ago. I hear her moving about in the kitchen and as I walk in she is sipping a cup of coffee, grinning at me. I walk up to her and kiss her.

"Do you want to do anything today?" I ask, hoping she will want to go out.

"Not really, but if you want to we can go somewhere." She says taking another sip of her coffee.

"Well, you don't get many Saturdays off so we should take advantage of it." I say pulling her close to me.

She grins, "I see that mind of yours working. What do you want to do?"

"Have you ever been to Pike's Place?" I ask.

"I've heard of it? Paul used to work at one of the restaurants there. I don't remember which one though." She states

"Really? That's kind of cool. Do you want to go check it out; there are a lot of stores and galleries. There's also a nice restaurant I'd like to take you to." I say, trying to sell it.

She smiles, "Sure. That sounds like fun."

I smile widely, "Okay, well I am going to run to my place real quick and change, make the reservation and then I'll be right back."

"I'll try to stay out of trouble while you are gone." She smiles but I'm not sure if she is joking or not. She closes her eyes and then takes another sip of coffee. "Do I need to dress up?"

"Um, not really, but the restaurant is nice so you should maybe wear a dress or skirt or something. But we will be walking so whatever you wear will be fine." I ramble on.

"Are you wearing a suit?" she asks with a small smile on her face.

"Do you _want_ me to wear a suit?" I ask, leaning in to kiss her.

"Well, you do look extremely tasty in a suit." She says nibbling on my lip, causing me to moan in response.

"A suit it is then." I say barely able to speak.

She laughs, "So what time are you picking me up?"

"Give me a few hours so maybe about 3:00. Does that give you enough time?"

"Yes, baby it gives me enough time. I already know what I am going to wear so it won't take me long." She says kissing me again.

We spend a good 20 minutes just making out. I could never get tired of feeling her lips on mine. When we finally pull away from each other we are both breathing heavily. I pick her up and set her on the table, laying her down. I pull her pants off and she just grins at me as I undo my pants. I kiss her again and enter her slowly, moaning as she envelops me.

"I love you so much." I whisper as I push in and out of her, running my thumb across her clit.

She arches into me, moaning my name, her eyes are closed and her bottom lip is in her mouth. She is so breathtaking that I lose my rhythm for a quick minute and then immediately start meeting her thrust for thrust until we are both coming undone.

* * *

><p>I get back to my place quickly but in reality this place doesn't feel like home anymore. I would rather be with Bella, she's my home. Jasper and Alice are on the couch making out when I come in and she quickly moves away. Like I don't already know what they are up to.<p>

"Already know you're about to have sex Shorty, so don't try to be coy." I say grinning as I walk past her towards my room.

I jump on my computer and pull up the number for Maximilien's restaurant.

"Yes, I need to make a reservation for tonight." I say to the hostess.

"We are full tonight." Is her curt reply.

"Really? There's nothing available for tonight? I don't care what time." I say desperately.

"I'm sorry sir."

Shit! I should have called yesterday. Then I close my eyes hating what I am about to do. "My name is Edward Cullen. My father is Carlisle Cullen. He has spoken so highly of your restaurant and I really wanted to bring my girlfriend but I suppose we can go somewhere else."

She hesitates for a moment and then starts speaking again, "Your father has been a valued patron of ours for many years. Let me see what I can do for you Mr. Cullen. Do you mind holding?" she stutters at me and I close my eyes.

"No. Go right ahead." I say and then look up, noticing Alice standing in my doorway with her hands on her hips and a noticeable scowl on her face.

"Stop looking at me that way." I say to her when I hear the woman come back on.

"Mr. Cullen we would be delighted to serve you and your guest tonight. We have a 7:30 available. Will that work for you?" She says excitedly.

"Yes, that will be fine. Thank you." I say hanging up.

"So he's your dad when you want to use his name to get reservations at a nice restaurant but any other time he isn't? You haven't even talked to him in over a month?" Alice states angrily.

"Get off your damn high horse Alice. Besides, I did talk to him a few weeks ago. I recall yelling at him in his office." I say frustrated.

Alice doesn't reply she just stares at me, giving me a dirty look which looks very odd on her face.

"You know, I could have forgiven him for what he did at dinner but he didn't even give me the benefit of the doubt when I told him what Mike did. You know how Mike is. If Bella said he did something than he did." I state irately, raising my voice to her.

"Edward you know I believe Bella and I do know how Mike is but what was dad supposed to do? It was her word against his and the video didn't show anything." She says calmly, trying to de-escalate the situation.

"He should have believed me. That's what he should have done. He should have taken MY word no matter what!" I say loudly. I can't believe she is defending him.

"Is everything okay?" Jasper interjects, looking between Alice and me.

I look at him and nod as I sit on my bed, looking up at Alice. She walks over and sits down next to me, leaning against my arm. I wrap my arm around her small shoulders and kiss the top of her head.

"I agree dad was wrong but you still need to talk to him." She sighs, "I just hate it that you two aren't talking."

"I know Shorty but I if I talk to him now I won't be able to say anything nice and we'll end up arguing again." I say softly.

She sighs and then looks up at me, "Is Bella doing okay?"

"Yeah. I don't know. I guess. She has been kind of… distant, since the Halloween party." I say sadly.

She looks at me frowning and then runs her finger along my scar. "She probably just feels bad about what happened." She smiles at me, "I can't believe she stitched you up in the bathroom."

I grin, "Yeah, apparently she was something else. She gave me some pain meds and then Lidocaine so I was out of it. I don't remember much after the fight."

"I hope you are done with the fighting Edward. I nearly had a heart attack when Jasper told me what happened." She says poking me in the side.

I laugh and move away from her. "Yes, I am done fighting. Bella has already told me my caveman antics must stop." I say laughing. "Now go, I need to get ready for my date."

"Where are you going?" she asks bubbly and excited.

"We are going to Pike's Place. We are just going to look around and then we are going to Maximilien's for dinner."

"Ooh, take her to Lisa Harris's Gallery. She is doing an exhibit of Thomas Wood called _Northwest Landscapes_. I think Bella would like him." She says giggling, "Jasper and I went to his reception last week. His pictures are very romantic." She looks at Jasper, "Weren't those paintings romantic Jazz?"

He smiles at her, "Yeah, they were." He looks at me, "You'll both like them."

"Okay." I say, I don't really have any specific plans. Just figured I would take her out and then who knows.

Jasper walks over and reaches his hand to her. "Come on, let him get ready." When she gets up he looks over at me, shrugging and I smile. Shoot, Alice thinks everything is romantic but we'll check it out.

* * *

><p>I decide on my light blue suit with a white shirt and steel grey tie. I have three nice suits and this is the only one she has not seen me in yet. Alice helped me pick this one out a long time ago but it still fits me nicely. I really like the cut of this suit and I don't need to wear a belt which is always a plus. I look in the mirror near the front door trying to decide the jacket. I hate buttoning my jacket but it looks sloppy if I don't. I button and unbutton it several times before finally settling on just one button.<p>

"Hey E, You planning on leaving anytime soon or are you just going to stand there voguing in the mirror all night?" Emmett says from the couch while Jasper snickers.

"Fuck you Emmett. Just because you don't care how you look when you take Rosalie out doesn't mean that it's wrong that I want to look nice for Bella." I say, looking at him in the mirror, smiling.

I put my right hand in my pants pocket and turn slowly offering him my best blue steel look. Jasper spits out the drink he just put in his mouth and Emmett guffaws so loudly that the neighbors can probably hear him down the street.

"I'll see you guys later." I say laughing as I strut out the door like some kind of model.

* * *

><p>When Bella opens the door, I am mesmerized. She is wearing the most luscious outfit I have seen her in yet and she really is almost completely covered. She has on a turquoise blazer snapped just at the waist exposing a black camisole top which she has paired with a sheer black skirt that is flowing sexily around her knees. As I look down she is wearing a pair of black leather boots that are coming up to just below her knees and easily add 5 inches to her height. Holy shit! Visions of her naked with just those boots on flash quickly in front of me. I finally bring my eyes to her face and swallow hard.<p>

"Oh God! Bella you are stunning." I finally stutter out.

She leans in to me and kisses my lips softly, "You look pretty damn good yourself."

I pull her close to me and kiss her at the door wondering why I was so keen to go out tonight in the first place. She smiles at me and my heart melts. I don't know how I am going to get through this night.

We jump in the Jag and head towards downtown. I want to go to the gallery first since it closes at 5:30, plus when I looked it up it is about six blocks from where the restaurant is at. I have a feeling I am going to need to drive over there because I can't imagine Bella walking that far in those boots. I valet the car and the attendant stares at my Jag and looks at Bella and I like we are famous or something. God! I hate when my dad is right.

When we get to the front of the gallery Bella looks up at me. I bring her hand to my mouth and kiss it lightly, "Alice said she went to the artist reception last week and said his work was real good. She thought we might like it." I say as we walk inside.

Bella is really looking at each of the paintings intently. They are actually very good. Lots of colors but real diffuse. There aren't sharp lines defining the mountains or streams, it's almost as if it is something you would see in a dream. Bella points out several paintings she likes and then stops at one in particular, staring at it closely. It is an oil painting called Sailboat-Heavy Clouds.

"Do you like it?" I whisper in her ear as I come up behind her. She nods and lets out a soft breath.

"It's a beautiful painting isn't it?" a gallery employee states, coming up to us. "The artist is from the San Francisco area and has often said that he believes his _work invites contemplation of nature's truths, beauty, and relevance to our lives_. That is what I think is reflected in most of the pieces you see here. On some days this particular painting makes me feel sad and lonely and other days courageous and hopeful. What do you see?" she asks us.

Isabella is breathing hard, looking at it. "When I first saw it I was reminded of my father who loved to fish by himself. I think he must have looked like that on his small boat. He would have been courageous and hopeful. But then the more I look at it, it makes me feel desperate, looking at the storm coming and feeling unprepared to handle its effects, feeling inadequate and scared."

The woman looks at me and I am speechless, trying to come to terms with what Bella just said.

"It reminds me of… myself… I always seem to be contemplating and thinking, but always looking towards the horizon, the future." I say softly and kiss Isabella on her temple. She is my future and if there is a storm coming then we will go through it together.

She smiles at the two of us, "Enjoy the rest of the exhibit. If you have any questions about any of the paintings I would be happy to help." Then she turns and walks away.

We finish going through the exhibits and then head to the front to get my car. On the way out of the gallery I snatch a card. I am going to buy that painting. I don't care how much it costs. We still have some time before our reservation so we just look around in the various shops. She notices this brown suit and just stops.

"Oh baby, you would look so good in that." She says excitedly.

"Baby, it's brown. No one wears a brown suit." I say confused by her interest in this suit.

She frowns at me, "It's not brown, it's chocolate and you would look yummy in it." she says grinning.

"Where would I wear a brown suit?" she arches her brow, "Sorry, I mean, where would I wear a chocolate colored suit?" I say grinning.

"I don't know but we could think of something." She says smiling as we continue to explore the stores.

She's crazy if she thinks I am getting a chocolate colored suit. Then I grin knowing damn well that if Isabella wants me to wear a chocolate suit I will wear a chocolate suit. We walk up to the restaurant a little after 7:00. I am hoping our table will be ready early but if not we can wait here.

"Reservation for Mr. Cullen. We are a little early." I say to the hostess.

"Let me check to see if your table is ready." She says as she turns around and heads to the back.

Bella is looking around the restaurant as I take her hand in mine. "Have you ever had French food?" I ask her.

"No, this is French?" she says timidly. I smile and nod.

I pull my phone out and take a picture of her profile as she is looking around and she just grins at me, then she laughs and leans up against the wall posing for me and I can't wipe the goofy grin off of my face. The hostess comes back and leads us to our table which has the most exquisite view of the bay and the smile on Isabella's face makes me using my dad's clout well worth the amount of pride I had to swallow to do it. The hostess then asks if I would like her to take our picture and I hand her my phone. She takes a few of them and there is one that looks really nice with the bay in the background. So now I have a few more to develop and add to our growing collection.

"Monsieur, Mademoiselle." The waiter says bowing to Isabella who blushes profusely.

Well, I haven't spoken French in a long time. My dad made Alice and I learn it when we were in high school because we were going to spend a summer in Paris and he didn't want anyone taking advantage of us. And my dad being my dad made us all speak French to each other for the 9 months before we left. That wouldn't have been so bad if he only did it in private but even when we were in public all of our conversations occurred in French. Yeah, that didn't bode well for a shy 14 year old that people already thought was weird. I take a deep breath, hoping I don't sound like an idiot.

"Nous tenons à ordre du _Le Gourmand_." I tell him, ordering their tasting menu.

"Très bon Monsieur, vous voulez le Les Huitres Fraiche ou Penn Cove Palourdes Provençale?"

"Les Huitres Fraiche et Duo de Canard aux Figues."

I order the oysters over the clams and the Duck versus the Halibut. My mom has always raved about the duck so I figured we could try it. I'm not sure if Bella will like the oysters but the clams are marinated in wine. I am probably going overboard on this but why test fate?

"Sir excellent choix, le vin?"

"Non, um, vous avez un substitut libre l'alcool?"

"Alcool libre?"

"Oui, mon amie ne peut boire. C'est mauvais la santé."

"J'apporterai un suppléant pour vous et votre belle amie."

"Merci."

I look at Isabella and she is staring at me, her mouth agape and I just grin at her. Well, chalk one up for Dad. I guess learning French was not a waste of time after all. And the torture he put me through my freshman year was well worth it to see the look on her face right now. I bring her hand to my lips and kiss it softly.

"Did you just order in French?" she says stunned.

"Yes, I did," then I grin at her, "Did you like that?"

A wide smile crosses her face. "Very much so but what exactly did you order for us?"

"I ordered Fresh Oysters on the half shell and the Duck Magret. They serve it over mushrooms, potatoes and I think asparagus. I was told it is very good."

"Vin is wine isn't it?" she asks

"Yes, but I asked for something that didn't have any alcohol in it." I say kissing her hand again.

Isabella didn't really like the oysters but at least she tried a few of them. She loved the duck and my God! I nearly came in my pants watching her eat that Crème brûlée. She had looked at it strangely at first and then when she pushed her spoon through the hard top she grinned and I couldn't look away. She brought that spoon into her mouth and her eyelids fluttered before finally closing as she let out the softest and sexiest moan I have ever heard. It was that same moan she does right after she climaxes and the sound halted my movements immediately and went straight to my cock. I was frozen in place, watching in awe.

When the waiter returns to remove all of our plates she motions for my hand from across the table. She looks so beautiful and happy. Something I haven't seen regularly. I wish I knew how to make her happy all the time.

"I didn't think I would like French food but that was really good." She says sweetly.

"I'm glad you liked it." I say trying to steady myself and the massive hard on I am now sporting. I start playing with the charms on her bracelet. I love that she wears it all the time.

"You know they say French food is an aphrodisiac." I say offering her my best grin.

"Well, we have never really needed an aphrodisiac, have we?"

I take a deep breath, "No, I can't imagine not wanting to make love to you."

She stares at me for a long time until finally saying, "Maybe we should go home." as she squeezes my hand, running her thumb along mine.

* * *

><p>She was quiet on the way home but every so often she would turn to me and smile. And in those moments it feels okay. I just wish I could get her to talk to me about what's going. She keeps shutting me out and I don't understand why. I might be able to help, if she would let me. I pull up to her place and come around to her side. She smiles at me as I take her hand and we casually stroll to her door.<p>

When we walk in she takes my hand and leads me to the bedroom. She takes off my jacket and sets it on her dresser then has me sit down on the bed. She smiles as she removes her jacket, exposing her camisole which she slips off. I start to unbutton my shirt and watch as she shimmies her skirt off and I am rewarded with the sexiest pair of black lace panties which she takes off very slowly. She is standing before me in her black leather boots and nothing else and I just freeze as my fantasy meets my reality. She walks up to me and sets her right foot on the bed next to me and my eyes are drawn to those boots. I move my hand up them reaching the top and then bring my mouth to kiss her on the side of her knee, I continue to kiss up her thigh and rest my mouth on her hot flesh. I breathe in her scent and bring my tongue along her clit. She moves her hands into my hair and forces me to look up at her.

"I want to play tonight." She says with a serious expression on her face.

It takes me a moment to register what she means by that and when it does my face flushes in anticipation, I can't speak so I just nod as I move my mouth on her hot mound again, circling her clit with my tongue. She moans and pulls on my hair again forcing me to look back up at her.

"Get undressed and move to the middle of the bed." She states firmly.

I continue to watch her as she walks to her dresser, pulling out a set of handcuffs, and something else, some kind of clips maybe. I have no idea what it is. She continues to mess with things in her drawer and settles on something else. She walks over to me and arches her brow. I had stopped getting undressed fascinated with what she was doing; trying to determine what was in store for me. I quickly finish getting undressed and move to the center of the bed like she told me to do.

"I am going to use these," she lifts up a set of handcuffs with a long chain between each cuff, "but only on your wrists. Is that okay?"

I nod again; it's like I forgot how to speak. She smiles and takes one hand and cuffs it, "Is this okay?" I nod and she wraps the chain around the middle bar on her headboard a few times and then cuffs the second wrist.

I can move my arms along the headboard and can move forward if I bring my hands closer together. I watch her as she straddles me, holding one of those eye masks people use when they sleep in the day.

"Scoot down." She says as she moves her hips up so that I can do as she asks, "I'm going to blind fold you now." She states and I nod, again incapable of using my voice.

She covers my eyes and then grabs my hair, pulling my mouth to hers, kissing me fiercely. I can't contain the moan that escapes my mouth as she begins sucking on my tongue. Then she pulls away from me quickly. I can't help but spring forward wanting to feel her lips on mine again and breathing hard when she isn't within my reach. I feel the bed shift and know she has moved but then I don't feel her anymore.

I take a few quick breaths trying to calm myself down. The anticipation is killing me. I am so hard already and need her to touch me more than anything else right now. I gasp when I feel her hand on my cock, stroking up and down. Then I finally feel her putting something on me, it's some kind of gel and it's making my cock tingle. Holy shit! I arch my hips up looking for her and when I feel her breathe over my cock it feels like I am on fire. It's the strangest sensation and feels so damn good. I am already close to coming when I feel the warmth of her mouth. She moves my cock back and forth, sucking and running her teeth up my shaft.

"Bella, Oh God!" I say moaning loudly as she pushes my hips back on the bed.

"Don't come yet, Edward. Not until I tell you." she says fiercely, "Do you understand?" I nod frantically at her.

I feel her body move between my legs as she pushes my knees up and out. She moves her mouth away from my cock and I can't control my breathing as I arch up again. I feel like I am going to explode but I know I have to try and contain myself. She says she isn't into punishment but why should I test that? I feel her rubbing that lotion on my balls and down the tender skin leading to my ass. The tingling sensation is happening again and then the heat as she blows on me. Oh God! She takes my balls in her mouth and now I am bucking into her. She moves her hands to my thighs steadying my movement as she licks the skin from my balls to my ass. I lunge my hips at her again. Holy Shit! No one has ever touched me there, let alone lick me. The sensation is beyond anything I could possibly imagine.

"Bella, Oh God, Bella. I…" I feel tears in my eyes as I try desperately not to come.

My wrists are starting to hurt from pulling on the cuffs so hard and the pain along with what she is doing to me is driving me insane. She moves her mouth away from my balls and starts sucking on my right, then left thigh as she pushes my legs down, holding me in place. My breathing is so erratic I don't know what to do. She continues to keep my thighs down as she uses her tongue to wander all around me, tracing along the underside of my cock and circling my head. Oh God! I don't think I can hold off for much longer. I can feel her tongue slip into my slit and I grunt loudly, forcing myself to hold back the flood that wants to burst through. I feel her shift again and am rewarded with the tight walls of her pussy as she comes down on me. I am panting and groaning and it feels like my whole body is going to erupt from over stimulation. I tightly squeeze my eyes shut behind the mask and can feel the wetness there as the pain of holding back my orgasm rips through me. Is this what she was talking about when she said pleasure spiked with pain?

"Edward... I give you permission to come."

Oh thank God and I come hard around her as I feel her walls tighten around my cock. It feels like I will never stop coming as I scream out her name, overcome by intense pleasure. After my orgasm finally ceases I feel like my body has been whipped into submission. But, she still hasn't stopped moving even though I know she has come as well. She slows her pace slightly and when she finally stops she brings her mouth to mine, slipping her tongue inside my mouth. I jerk my arms again wanting to touch her so badly, wondering how long she is going to keep me cuffed. I am not sure if I should ask or not but figure I will just follow her lead and just get lost in our kiss. She pulls away from me and I move my head, trying to reach her.

"Sit up Edward." She demands

I scoot back slowly, barely able to move. She moves with me as I am still inside her. Once I am in the position she wants me in she brings her nipple to my mouth and I start sucking and playing with it, tugging on her ring the way she likes. I grin against her breast as her moan echoes in the room. She has her hands in my hair and guides me to her other breast where I work on that nipple. Then she moves one of her hands from my hair and brings her other breast to me. She is now using both of her hands to move her breasts to my mouth and I begin sucking and biting on both of her nipples at the same time, moaning along with her. God! She is so fucking sexy! I wish I could see her expression. I use my teeth to grab both of her rings, tugging on them simultaneously. She literally growls at me as she pulls on my hair, muttering fuck, fuck, fuck. I can feel myself twitch inside of her as my body prepares for round two.

"Um, yes baby." She whispers as she starts tightening her walls around me making me groan against her breast as I involuntarily shift my hips up. "I'm not done with you yet."

She pulls away from me slightly, taking her breasts away from me as she starts moving slowly up and down again. She reaches behind her to touch my balls and tweak the skin underneath and I immediately harden within her. I am lost in the sensations she is creating as her walls tighten around me and her finger scrapes along the skin around and underneath my balls. God! I need to feel her come again desperately. The bed shifts but she doesn't stop her movements and then I feel her mouth on me again. She is kissing me fiercely as we start nibbling at each other's lips, our teeth making contact with one another as she pulls my tongue into her mouth again, sucking on it as she picks up speed in her upward and downward movements. She pulls her mouth away from me breathing hard.

"Pull on this when I tell you to." She says as she places what feels like a small chain in my mouth. I nod and close my mouth around it so that I don't drop it.

She moves back and starts moving faster and faster. I am so close again. I am sure she can feel me throbbing inside of her. In fact I know she can because she continues to work her walls around me, drawing me closer to the proverbial edge. I am moaning loudly and wanting to shout her name but I know if I do I am going to drop this chain she has in my mouth.

"Now, Edward. Fuck… NOW!" she screams and I yank hard on the chain and the resounding scream of pleasure that comes from her and the resulting orgasm that courses through her body sends me flying over the edge in an instant. I come so hard that my head is spinning and all I can do is slouch my back against the headboard, my body incapable of movement. I have never come twice like that before. What she does to me is beyond anything I could possibly imagine.

She rests her forehead against my chest, as we try to gain control of our breathing. I feel her move off of me and a few minutes later she takes the blindfold off. She straddles my lap again and kisses me softly and sweetly, nothing like what she did earlier. She then reaches over to the headboard and unlocks each of my cuffs. Once my hands are freed I move my arms around her immediately, pulling her as close to me as is humanly possible and start kissing her deeply. When she finally pulls away from she smiles and the look of complete and utter satisfaction on her face makes me feel like I am damn KING!

"Did you like that baby?" she whispers, as she looks me in the eyes, playing with the hair around my ears.

"That was amazing!" I exclaim happily.

"I'm glad. You look exhausted though, lay down."

She gets off of me so that I can do what she says. My body, especially my cock, is completely spent. I roll to my side and watch as she leans down and takes her boots off. She smiles at me as she slides in next to me pulling the covers around us. I hold her close and fall asleep almost immediately, hearing her whisper softly that she loves me.

* * *

><p>I wake without her. She had to be in at 8:00 this morning and I must have slept through her alarm. Geez, I really <em>was<em> tired. God, my body feels like I did one of Emmett's hard core football player work outs. But, damn what a night! I grab my phone and see a note underneath it.

_Hey Baby,_

_Thank you for last night. You were phenomenal. I'll see you when I get home._

_I love you._

_Bella_

I smile and send her a quick text. Then dial my mom's number. I really need to talk to her but I don't want to go to the house where I might run into my dad.

"Hey Mom" I say cheerfully.

"Edward." She says clearly happy that I called.

"Are you busy today?"

"No, are you going to come over?" I sigh. Both she and Alice are desperate for me to make amends with my dad. I just can't. At least not right now.

"No, but I thought maybe I could take you out to lunch." I say contritely.

"Sure, that would be lovely." But I hear the disappointment in her voice.

"I'll meet you at Panos at 1:00 if that's okay."

"That would be fine. I haven't had Greek food in a long time. I'll see you there." She says and hangs up. I look at the clock and then go jump in the shower. I have a few hours before I need to meet with her.

* * *

><p>I am already sitting at our table when my mom walks in. She is usually pretty causal on the weekends. She says she has to be professional all week so the weekends are her lounging days. Of course even in jeans my mom draws attention as is evident by the stares following her to my table. She walks over and kisses me on my forehead before sitting down.<p>

"So how have things been?" she asks casually.

"They're good. I took Bella to Maximilien's last night. She really liked it." I say smiling and immediately feel the blush come across my skin remembering what happened AFTER dinner.

My mom is watching me intently and then smiles. "Well, that's good. Your dad and I have always had good experiences there."

I frown at the mention of my dad which she picks up on immediately. "Edward, I know your dad has made a lot of mistakes but you need to talk to him. It's really tearing him up inside that you won't give him a chance to explain his actions."

I snort at that. "Don't you think you are laying it on a little thick mom? If dad was that interested in making amends with me he would contact me. Or better yet, he would fire Mike for what he did to Bella."

She frowns and then sighs. The waitress comes over and takes our order and when she leaves I start talking again.

"I don't want to talk about dad. I really want to talk about Bella."

"What's going on with Bella?" she asks concerned.

"Ever since Halloween she has been distant. She isn't talking to me about anything significant. It's very superficial. Not like before when she told me about James and even when telling me about the incident with Mike she was real straightforward." I say quickly.

"Well, it's difficult Edward to go through what she went through. How long did it take for her to open up to you in the first place? A long time, right?" I nod at her, "Her natural instinct is to withdraw, to shut people out. She can't do that with you and I am sure it is very confusing." She takes a sip of her tea and then takes a deep breath. "She has never felt worthy of love and the fact that you are willing to fight for her, to defend her, even against your own father is probably a bit overwhelming."

"Yeah, that makes sense." I say softly.

"How are her withdrawal symptoms? Are they getting better?" she says as the waitress places our food at the table.

"Yes, she said she isn't craving it anymore but I still see her walk to that cabinet she used to keep it in." I move the food around the plate, suddenly not very hungry. "She's not sleeping though."

My mom looks up from her plate, "Define not sleeping." She says with a serious expression on her face.

"I don't know. She maybe gets a few hours a night. She says she doesn't require a lot of sleep but sometimes I wake up and she is just sitting up, staring off. Not really looking at anything. It's kind of scary."

"How long has this been going on Edward? And what does she say about it?" she asks with unease.

"I don't know. I noticed the not sleeping a little over a week ago but it could have been going on longer. When I ask her she usually just smiles and says she's just thinking. Other times I wake up and she is crying and when I look at her she is sleeping. I think she is having nightmares but she won't talk to me about it."

My mom takes another deep breath, "Honey, she needs to see a therapist. She used drinking to cope and she doesn't have that anymore. The things that started her drinking are still around, they don't just disappear on their own. And she can't just have sex with you and everything will be all better. It doesn't work that way." I stare at my mom for a few minutes, absorbing what she just said.

"She won't see anyone. I asked her already." I say dejected.

"Well, I would just keep encouraging her to talk with someone and do things she likes. Take her places that illicit positive feelings and memories for her. Edward, just be there for her. She will eventually talk to you about it. She loves you a great deal." She says smiling.

"Now, about your father." She continues.

I just sigh knowing that I am going to spend the rest of our meal and then some listening to my mother talk to me about my father's positive attributes and why I should talk to him. But, I can't think about my dad right now. My focus is solely on Isabella and how I can make her feel better and worthy of love.

* * *

><p><strong>AN…. well, well, well… ok, is it hot in here? Hmm, me thinks Bella's Domme came out to play...LOL... I think it's obvious that Edward is trying desperately to help Bella and he seems to be on the right track, but we shall see. It's hard to love someone with emotional problems. Is he strong enough to do it?**

**Okay a couple of quick notes:**

**1.) Had to give ode to my chocolate suit (my absolute favorite…LOL), you all know I am gonna put him in that suit at some point. IT HAS TO BE DONE!**

**2.) Alright let's add Ben Stiller to my list of obsessions. I LOVE Zoolander and anyone who has seen Rob in action knows that he can throw Blue Steel out there better than anyone.**

**3.) Translation of Edward's French: (can I say OMFG!)**

"**Nous tenons à ordre du **_**Le Gourmand**_**." (We would like to order the Gourmand)**

"**Très bon Monsieur, vous voulez le Les Huitres Fraiche ou Penn Cove Palourdes Provençale?" (Very good Sir, Would you like the Fresh oysters or the Clams in wine sauce)**

"**Les Huitres Fraiche et Duo de Canard aux Figues." (The clams and the Duck Magret)**

"**Sir excellent choix, le vin?" (Sir, excellent choice, Wine?)**

"**Non, um, vous avez un substitut libre l'alcool?" (No, um, do you have an alcohol free substitute?)**

"**Alcool libre?" (alcohol free?) **

"**Oui, mon amie ne peut boire. C'est mauvais la santé." (Yes, my friend can't drink. It is bad for her health.)**

"**J'apporterai un suppléant pour vous et votre belle amie." (I will find a substitute for you and your beautiful friend…. Hehehehe, did you see how I got Bel Ami in there? LOL)**

"**Merci." (thank you)**

**Now, I put my English dialogue through the French translator and came up with what I did. Anyone who speaks French, sorry if it isn't right *blush* My Beta's and I were having some serious Bel Ami moments when I wrote this chapter because we were all about having him actually speak French, Le sigh**

**4.) If you haven't checked already I posted an outtake on the TMH outtake story link. So go take a looksy. As per the request of Amanda it is 98% lemony goodness and 2% plot (okay really, she wanted no plot but I had to put SOME kind of plot in there...LOL) and one last thing.**

**5.) I am participating in the "What's Your Fantasy: Anonymous Erotica Contest" Since it is anonymous I can't tell you which story is mine but check out all the entries. If you do figure out mine please don't say anything to anyone. I don't want to get disqualified...LOL... Thanks :-) Voting will be from October 3****rd**** to October 10****th****. Here is the link… www dot fanfiction dot net/u/3175453/**

**Okie dokie… I guess Edward was not the only one feeling loquacious...LOL... So, until next time, let me know what ya think.**


	31. Ch 30: Strong Enough

**Rating: M- For lemons (lots of them), language and situations. So this means if you're under 16 please be responsible for yourself.**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer is the sole owner of the world of Twilight. I am just having a little harmless fun with her characters.**

**Once again thank you to my amazing Beta's A & C for your guidance, encouragement & support. Thanks for keeping this crazy chick sane. I have updated the blog with pictures and the newest song. This time around the chapter song is a very powerful song by Sheryl Crow and it is very indicative of Bella, pushing him away but begging him to stay. **

**This is kind of a rough chapter for our poor Bella but hang in there.**

* * *

><p>God I feel like hell tonight, the tears of rage I cannot fight<br>I'd be the last to help you understand  
>Are you strong enough to be my man?<p>

Nothings true and nothings right, so let me be alone tonight  
>'Cause you can't change the way I am<br>Are you strong enough to be my man?

Lie to me, I promise I'll believe, lie to me, but please don't leave

I have a face I cannot show, I make the rules up as I go  
>Just try and love me if you can<br>Are you strong enough to be my man?

When I've shown you that I just don't care  
>When I'm throwing punches in the air<br>When I'm broken down and I can't stand  
>Would you be man enough to be my man?<p>

Strong Enough by Sheryl Crow

**Chapter 30: Strong Enough**

I am mesmerized as I watch his chest move up and down, slow steady breaths in and out. He always seems angelic when he sleeps, peaceful with just the slightest grin on his face. I can't help but wonder what he is dreaming about that makes him so happy. I don't know how many times I have just watched him sleep, hoping that sleep would take me as well. I don't sleep anymore, a few hours here and there when my body is completely exhausted. I don't think I am getting any REM anymore which I know isn't good physically and mentally. But then again, no REM means no nightmares either. So I guess it isn't completely bad. I have been more careful at hiding my sleeplessness as of late. When my insomnia kicked in several weeks ago Edward kept waking up to find me awake and then worrying immensely about me. It's bad enough that I am not sleeping but I'll be damned if he loses sleep as well.

My brain has been so pre-occupied with shit I have no control over, which I am positive, exacerbates my insomnia. In the past my bouts have only lasted a few days, a week at the most, but we are going on close to three weeks now. I really think I am starting to go crazy as well. Last week I could have sworn I saw someone that looked like James, but when I glanced back it was someone else. And of course when I do sleep that bastard finds his way in. Except now everything feels worse because I find myself thinking about James whether I am sleeping or awake. To add more fuel to my already chaotic brain fire is this overwhelming fear that the happiness I feel whenever Edward is near is fleeting at best. He's just too perfect and I know I should let him go. I am so fucked up and he is so blinded by his love for me that he'll never leave me. I will just end up bring him down and destroying his life. But how do you purposefully cut out a vital piece of your being? How does one really function with half of a heart, half of a soul? But, I'm weak and selfish; I always have been, so I know I won't do the right thing and I'll hurt us both.

I close my eyes, trying to force myself to think about something else. I let my brain go back to the day we went to the gallery. That was one of my crazy days. I was so all over the place in my head, my brain running through all kinds of random scenarios, causing myself such distress. I wasn't too keen on going anywhere but I am glad we did. I loved that art exhibit and the restaurant was exquisite. But hell, the way he kept staring at my boots all night had brought all kinds of Domme fantasies to my mind and, holy shit, when he started speaking French I had to fight the urge to take him right there in the restaurant. I can't help but smile when I remember his expression when I brought those cuffs out. They are a bit intimidating but I know he enjoyed himself. Hell, I enjoyed myself immensely. He never did ask me what was attached to that chain in his mouth, which is kind of funny. I would have asked. Geez, he really does trust me implicitly. After we were done he was completely spent. That was the first time he didn't wake up with my alarm the next morning, hell; he didn't wake at all during the night. So, now I just make sure he is really tired when he stays at my place, which of course is not much of a challenge considering how much I want him all the time. But at least he sleeps soundly through the night so he doesn't notice that I am not in bed with him.

He shifts slightly and I turn to look at him again. I gently run my fingers along the scar on his forehead. Fourteen stitches. It would have been less if I did it like most doctors but he would have had a more prominent scar. At least this is barely noticeable. I couldn't have him scarred, not because of me. He moans softly at my touch and I quickly move my fingers away. I carefully slip out of the bed and walk into the kitchen. I instinctually walk to my cabinet, sighing with frustration that I actually miss the burn that I used to get when that first shot went down my throat. I had told Edward I wasn't craving it anymore, but I lied. He already worries too much about me. Why make him worry about that as well? I walk to my coffee pot, starting a pot as I glance at the clock, 3:00 am. It's going to be another long day.

I sit patiently waiting for my coffee to be ready and when it is I take my cup and walk to the hallway. We had gotten frames for several of the pictures we had taken over the past month, but not all of them, much to Edward's dismay. Proving yet again that he clearly has no common sense when it comes to me.

**FLASHBACK**

_All the pictures we had taken over the past several weeks were just lying scattered on the floor. We bought ten frames so we could only pick ten of the many that Edward had developed. He had wanted more frames but I had to draw the line. Geez, my apartment would look like it had a damn shrine in it or something._

"_Well, I think a few from the cottage. I definitely want the one with just you at the shore. You look fantastic in that picture." I say, picking up the photo in question._

_He rolls his eyes and picks up another one, "Well, I want this one." Picking up the one he took of me on our dinner cruise._

"_Edward, I don't want pictures of myself on my walls. That's weird."_

_He lays on a serious pout and then scrunches his eyebrows together. "I am here most of the time and I want to see your beautiful face even when you aren't here."_

"_Geez, Edward. Don't say shit like that." I say frowning._

"_Why not? It's true." Then he looks down, "You don't want me to have anything here that's mine?" he says questioningly._

_I just stare at him. Well, that is certainly hitting the nail on the head. I guess I never really thought of it that way. He is here more days than not and he doesn't leave anything. He practically lives out of that duffle bag. That doesn't seem right. God, one more thing I am fucking up on._

"_It's not that." I say flustered. "I'm just not comfortable having my picture taken in the first place, let alone displayed. Look around Edward. The only picture I have is of me and my dad. And I was 8 in that picture!"_

_He nods, "Okay, if you don't want any of you we won't put any up."_

_I just stare at his defeated face, Fuck! "Why don't we agree that out of the ten we each get two of the other person and the rest will be of us together? Okay?"_

_He smiles widely. "Okay."_

_I am sitting on the couch; my pictures already selected, just watching him make what apparently is the most important decision of his life. He first settled on ten pictures and then stared at them for an hour, picking up each one and pulling his bottom lip into his mouth, really contemplating the nuisances of each picture. He finally narrows it down to three and repeats the process all over again. Geez, mine was easy. I wanted the one from the shore because he was exquisite with his hair blowing lightly in the breeze, laughing, with the water behind him and the one from the cruise because the sun was setting behind him perfectly and he had the most delicious grin on his face. He has been very careful to avoid pictures of just himself so my selections were decidedly limited but the two I picked were stunning to behold. I continue to watch him decide, this is nuts! Finally after another 20 minutes I just start laughing hysterically._

"_Edward, oh my God! Just do eenie meenie minie mo."_

"_Shhh, I am deciding woman." He says grinning at me._

_After a couple more minutes he finally announces, "Okay, these two but I will take this one to my other place for those few occasions when I am there." _

_He settled on the one from the cruise with the sun setting behind me and the one from the French restaurant. That is a nice picture of me I guess. I am leaning against the wall with my right leg bent, with my heel against the wall and I have a somewhat playful smile on my face. I grin when I see the picture, remembering what we did when we came home that night. Maybe that's why he picked that picture. The other picture that apparently he is taking with him is of me at the shore._

_The pictures of us together were unequivocally easier to choose. We picked four from our weekend at the cottage, one from the dinner cruise, and one from Maximiliens. The rest of the pictures we put in a huge photo album because apparently we must retain ALL of them._

**END FLASHBACK**

I am looking at the pictures on my wall, tracing my finger along his face and remembering the times they were taken and the way he had taken so much time deciding which ones he wanted displayed. I let out a soft sigh realizing that the only time I am ever truly happy is when he is around. I know that can't be good. I glance in the bedroom and see him sleeping soundly. He's just… Perfect! I then turn back around, heading into my living room. I close my eyes as I sit on the couch wishing I could just sleep for another few minutes but knowing I won't. Maybe I should pick up something at the hospital today.

* * *

><p>"Dr. Zafrina… Hold on." I say as we are leaving the staff meeting.<p>

She stops and turns to me as I catch up to her long legs. She is a tall woman. Like WNBA tall. I always feel like a child when I stand near her. She is from somewhere in South America, I can't remember where. God, I really am oblivious to everyone around me. She is an incredible doctor though and has always been very respectful to me. She smiles when I reach her.

"I was wondering if I could talk to you for a minute." I say a bit nervously.

"Of course. How can I help you?" she says sweetly.

"Um, well… I have been suffering from a bout of insomnia. Normally it lasts just a few days but it's been weeks since I slept more than 2-3 hours a night. I was wondering if you could prescribe me something. It's starting to affect my concentration and my head is constantly hurting." I stutter out to her, not sounding nearly as professional as I normally do.

"Have you taken anything before?" she asks

"No, I usually have…" I pause but then decide on being honest. "I usually have a couple shots of Jack Daniel's but I am no longer able to do that."

She watches me carefully, bringing her hand to her chin. "Well, if I prescribe you anything you won't be able to drink at all. Anything I give you will react badly when mixed with alcohol. Have you been feeling sad or anxious?"

I furrow my brow at her and then sigh. "I don't know, I guess a little. My personal life has been a little crazy the last month or so."

She nods, "Well, we could start you on 150 mg of Trazedone and in another 3-4 days we can increase it to 300 mg. It is quiet effective for sleep and also helps with depression."

"I'm not depressed." I state a little louder than I intended.

She pulls out her script pad, ignoring my little outburst and scribbles out an order for me. "Let me know if it is not effective or you have severe side effects. Come see me in a week and we will see if we need to adjust it." I look down at the script and then nod.

* * *

><p>The Trazedone doesn't seem to be working because I am still not sleeping. It's the sixth night so I am going to increase the dosage again. I had upped it a few days ago but that didn't help, so I am adding another pill. Edward is watching me as I drop three of the pills in my mouth.<p>

"Are you supposed to take that many?" he says frowning. Damn him for being so observant.

I turn to look at him. "She told me I could increase the dosage after 3 days." I say sliding into bed next to him. "You know, I am a doctor and can monitor my own medication."

He is still frowning, "But you're not supposed to, are you?"

I sigh, lying on my side not facing him, "No, but I know what I'm doing."

He runs his hands up and down my arms and I roll on my back, looking at his worried face. He swallows and then kisses me lightly.

"I just…" he starts to say but I don't let him finish.

I pull him close to me, kissing him with all the passion that I can muster. I always want him but these pills are doing something to me. I don't know. I did read that sometimes Trazedone can mess with your sex drive but the research was inconclusive on that. All I know is that he wasn't able to get me off yesterday, which I must admit, freaked me the fuck out. And I know it bothered him as well. I sigh as I pull away from him, rolling on to my side as he wraps his arms around me and throws his leg over mine. Holding me until he eventually falls asleep and I lie there, unable to sleep and unable to fuck. God, my life sucks!

* * *

><p>Well, taking three of the Trazedone seemed to help me sleep better so instead of getting a couple of hours I got four. I've been on the 450mg for a couple of days now so I think I might up my dosage tonight to see if I can get to my normal sleep pattern in a few days. I looked it up and 600 mg is still within the guidelines. But this damn pill is seriously fucking with my sex drive and I am not sure, long term, if I want to do this. Is sleeping worth it if I can't enjoy sex with the hottest man on the planet? A man that has previously taken me to sexual heights I hadn't reached with any other man before? I smile as he walks into the kitchen with his backpack slung over his shoulder. No, definitely not worth it. I mean it's been four nights since we have had sex. It doesn't seem to bother him but it bothers the hell out of me. Maybe I will talk to Dr. Zafrina and see if she can give me something else.<p>

"Baby, let's go out tonight?" he says as he kisses me on the forehead.

"I don't really want to go out." I say not looking at him.

"Baby, please." He whispers near my ear, "I'll make it worth your while."

"You will huh?" I say smiling. He certainly isn't the shy, inexperienced young man I met a few months ago.

"Okay." I say leaning into him. He kisses me for a few minutes and then pulls away.

"I'll see you about 6 okay?"

I nod, "Dress?"

"Will you wear those black boots?" he says, giving me that lopsided smile of his.

I laugh and nod as he walks out the door, fist pumping the air. I am off today but have to go in early tomorrow so we can't stay out late. I sit on the couch and close my eyes. God! I feel like hell. I go to the couch and lie down. Maybe I can get another hour or something.

"_Renee!" James shouts_

"_She's at work."_

_He just stares at me, hatred on his face. He looks at the TV and grabs the remote._

"_Why do you watch this shit?"_

"_I like it." I reply timidly._

"_That shit isn't real." He says turning to me, "You think being a doctor is going to make you someone? It won't, you'll still be a little bitch."_

_I put my head down, trying not to cry; he hates it when I cry._

"_Are you crying?" he says grabbing my face in his hands. I shake my head, willing my eyes to stop. He pushes me away, disgusted._

"_You're nothing, no one gives a shit about you, and no one will ever give a shit about you. Your own mom doesn't care whether you're here or not. In fact she would prefer that you weren't."_

_I close my eyes, crying as he pushes me off the couch. "Go cry somewhere else."_

_But as I get up the room shifts and I am no longer in Phoenix. I look around and recognize my apartment here in Seattle, but it feels different. I hear noises coming from my bedroom and walk over, confused. I recognize Edward but… that's… not… me… I gasp as she looks over at me and smiles. I watch in horror as the muscles of Edwards back move with every thrust he makes. I want to leave but I can't. I just stand there; immobile, staring at the only man I will ever love fuck someone else in front of me. He throws his head back moaning in pleasure and my heart breaks into tiny pieces, scattering around the floor. I feel sick and bring my hand to my mouth in an effort to stop the urge to vomit. This can't be happening. This isn't real. Is it?_

_He pulls out of her quickly, not even acknowledging the girl underneath him. He jumps out of the bed quickly, looking right at me, not at all surprised by my presence. He starts walking over to me, naked and utterly beautiful, except… he isn't smiling like he usually does whenever he looks at me._

"_I don't want you, Isabella." He says with apparent repulsion in his voice and on his face._

"_But… you said you loved me." I whisper to him, trying not to cry._

"_I don't love you anymore." He says sharply and my head starts spinning._

"_What?" I stutter out incoherently._

_But before I can say anything else, to beg him to stay, he is gone. He disappears, she disappears, and I am at a loss. I run out of the room into the hallway trying to find him and glance at the wall. There are no pictures there and then I look at my wrist and my bracelet has vanished. It's like he never existed, like __**we**__ never existed. I place my hands against the wall, pounding the place our pictures should be and crying uncontrollably._

"_NO!" I scream._

_When I hear someone walk up behind me my heart skips, thinking Edward has heard me and is back, I turn around quickly, but it's not Edward that is there._

"_He isn't going to put up with all your bullshit, especially when you can't even satisfy him sexually." James says with a satisfied grin on his face as he leans against the wall opposite me._

"_What are you doing here?" I ask perplexed and angry at his presence._

"_I told you no one would ever give a shit about you." James hisses as I drop to the floor, crying hysterically as I hear his laughter echoing in the emptiness._

"_NO, NO, NO, NO." _

I jump up, startled and confused. What the fuck! I look around quickly; trying to make sure everything is as it should be. I bring my legs up, hugging them closely and just sob until I am exhausted and can't cry anymore. I spend the better part of the day lying on the couch, I don't eat, I don't sleep, I just lie there watching the minutes of my life pass me by.

* * *

><p>I had changed a while ago and am now leaning against the wall in the hallway, staring at the pictures on the wall but not really looking at them. My hand is firmly wrapped around my bracelet, making sure it doesn't leave my wrist this time. I am really fucked up right now. That nightmare felt so real. I mean the stuff with James before it morphed to my place had actually happened. I just can't get the image of Edward out of my head and the words he said keep echoing loudly in my brain. I don't know how long I have been in this spot but Edward's voice breaks me out of my trance.<p>

"Baby, you okay?" his voice sounds distressed.

I turn to look at him and the color drains from his face. I must look as bad as I feel. He pulls me into his arms, breathing hard. I can't move. I can't hold him. I stand there gripping my wrist and feeling the beating of his heart and the rapid movements of his breath. It's the only thing that tells me he is real and not a figment of my imagination.

"Baby, what happened?" panic evident as he starts running his hand through my hair.

He pulls away from me slightly, looking at me when he finally notices my hand. He looks into my blank eyes as he places his hand over my hand; he looks down as he loosens my grip on my wrist. I hear him gasp, which startles me, forcing my eyes to his. I follow his gaze and notice my wrist is red with blood; the charms have cut into my skin and are causing my wrist to bleed. How come I didn't feel that?

"Baby, please talk to me." He pleads.

I just shake my head. What am I supposed to say, _uh, I had a bad dream where you fucked another woman in front of me and now I can't get the image out of my head_? _And by the way, you also told me you didn't love me anymore_. Let's not forget that wonderful little tidbit. Yeah, I am definitely not telling him all that.

"I… I just had a bad dream and I can't stop thinking about it." I say, sighing.

"About James?" he asks, concerned.

Well, James was in it but that's not what's torturing me. "Yes, about James." I finally say.

"Do you want to stay home tonight?" he asks and when I don't answer he continues, "It might be good to get outside. It isn't supposed to be to chilly tonight. We could go to the pier after we eat." He kisses me softly on my forehead, "You always like going to the pier."

He moves his hands down my back and I start breathing hard. I really don't care what we do. I just need him. I can't lose him. I can't.

"Okay." I say so soft I am sure he can't hear me.

"I love you so much, Isabella." He whispers and I can't stop the tears that come out of my eyes. He holds me for a while, just letting me cry until I finally pull away from him.

"Let me go wash off my wrist before we leave." He nods and leans against the wall. I glance at him before walking into the bathroom and see him put his head down, bringing his hand into his hair.

When I get to the bathroom I just sit on the toilet, trying to get my act together before I go back out there. I stand up and look into the mirror, staring at my puffy eyes. I take a few deep breaths in and out. I look down at my wrist and rinse off the blood. It doesn't look so bad once I dry it off. I rinse off my bracelet and then put it back on, noticing that the cuts are barely noticeable now. I fluff up my hair again and touch up my makeup.

"Get it together, Swan!" I say as I turn away from the mirror and step out. He is waiting for me and reaches his hand out, giving me a beautiful smile as I take his hand in mine.

* * *

><p>I silently watch the houses go by, wondering what occurs in those homes. Are people happy? I think I could be happy, with Edward. But, is that too much to hope for? I am so lost in thought that I don't even notice that we have stopped. When I turn to look at him he is watching me carefully.<p>

"Baby, why won't you tell me what's wrong?" he closes those piercing green eyes of his, "You could tell me everything before. What's different?" he says as he opens them again. They are filled with hurt and worry, breaking my heart even more.

I stare at him, "I'm not good for you. You know that right?"

"That's ridiculous Bella. You are my world. Nothing else matters." He pauses, "Is that what this is about? You think you're not good enough?" He says, exacerbated.

I just look away from him and open the car door. He quickly makes his way to my side taking me in his arms and kissing me fiercely. I can't help but melt into his touch, as his lips smash onto my mouth, his hands moving over my body with an intensity that is overpowering. When he finally pulls away from me his breathing is labored, and he runs his fingers through his hair. He is looking at the ground, shaking his head and mumbling under his breath but I can't make out what he is saying so I say the first thing that pops to my mind.

"I'm sorry."

He looks up at me, "I love you, Isabella. Please don't doubt that." He says solemnly. "What do I need to do to make you believe that?" He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath.

"It doesn't make sense to me. I…" I just look down and lean against his car. I don't have anything else to say.

His eyes are moist with unshed tears. "I love you, more than anything, more than my own life."

Tears form in my eyes as I contemplate the meaning of all of this. Then I remember what Carlisle said so many weeks ago.

"_He will sacrifice himself for you. Are you prepared for that?"_

I close my eyes, knowing that he would. He would give up everything for me. I just have to make sure he doesn't need to. He continues to watch me and then finally just takes my hand and leads me into the restaurant. It is a place called Daniel's Broiler. It is a steak house that I have heard of but never been too. They are supposed to house the best steaks in the Pacific Northwest, not that I am really hungry. When we are seated Edward orders for us like he usually does. I vaguely hear the words he is saying but recognize the word, filet mignon. When the waiter walks away he reaches his hand over the table, motioning for me to take it. I let out a deep breath as I place my hand in his.

"Have you talked to your dad?" I ask.

He looks perplexed by my question. "No. Was I supposed to?"

"So, how long are you going to give him the silent treatment? It's been almost 6 weeks now." I state, frustrated.

"Baby, it's complicated." He starts to say but I interrupt him.

"It's not complicated at all. Your mad at him for stating the obvious, you're mad at him for not believing me over Mike. Well, to be honest, I wouldn't believe me either. It's ridiculous, Edward. It really is." I say with anger.

"It's not ridiculous Isabella. I will talk to him in a few days if it will make you happy." He says as I pull my hand away from him.

"If it makes me happy?" I state, my voice escalating slightly. "Is that what you think? That…" I start to say something else but he interrupts me with a sigh.

"Isabella… You just want to fight with me about my dad because you don't want to tell me about what happened today?" he states calmly.

I just stare at him, reflecting on what he said. He never gets angry with me. He never raises his voice. He just stays calm. God! What is wrong with him? Doesn't he see? I just look down and close my eyes while I take a few steadying breaths as he reaches for my hand again. I put my hand in his as he gently runs his fingers along my wrist, running his thumb underneath our bracelet and tracing the marks there. He doesn't say anything; he just lets the silence linger in the air. When the waiter brings our food I just stare at it. It looks and smells delicious but my stomach is shot from my restless nerves.

"Baby, please try to eat." He says pleading with me again and I just nod.

I do eat half of the steak, which was truly the best steak I have ever eaten in my entire life. The lobster tail was pretty damn good as well. How does he even find these restaurants? I am starting to feel a little better, just by eating and being in his presence. The nightmare I had earlier is starting to drift further and further away from consciousness. By the time dessert comes I am in a different place.

The waiter sets this chocolate cake in between us and Edward takes his fork and gets a nice amount on it, bringing it to my mouth. He offers me my favorite grin and I can't help but feel lighter as I open my mouth. Oh my God! I don't know what the hell kind of cake this is but it is decadent to say the least. It's some kind of warm chocolate cake with a moist chocolate center that simply melts when it makes contact with your mouth. I can't help but close my eyes. Oh God! Is it possible to die from chocolate sensory overload? If it is then I am about to go.

"Open your mouth, baby." He whispers seductively and when I do he places a forkful of vanilla ice cream in it. I moan softly as the vanilla mixes with the chocolate on my tongue.

He feeds me a couple more forkfuls before I grin and pick up my fork and feed him a healthy amount, watching his eyes flutter closed as the chocolate melts in his mouth. The sexiest smirk crosses his face when I slip some ice cream in his mouth and my heart literally skips. We continue to do this back and forth until there is no more cake left. He runs his finger across the chocolate at the bottom of the plate and moves it to my mouth. I smile and take his finger in my mouth and smile from ear to ear at his resounding moan. I move my tongue around his finger nibbling at the tip until he finally pulls it out of my mouth.

"Let's go to the pier." His voice is rough and cracks as he speaks.

"You don't want to go home?" I ask confused.

He shakes his head, "I want to take you to the pier."

"Is there a pier here you want to go to?"

He shakes his head again, "No. I want to take you to OUR pier."

I smile because that is what it is, our pier. I love going there with him. We have been there a few times since our first date and every time has been memorable. And, all of a sudden I need to be there with him as well.

* * *

><p>Our pier is across the way a bit. It isn't far by car though so it only takes a few minutes to get there and find parking. I have forgotten about my nightmare completely by the time we arrive, just savoring the feel of his hand in mine, the way the cool November air kisses my skin and relishing the smell and sound of the water as it splashes underneath us. Since it is November there is absolutely no one near us at all.<p>

He has his arms wrapped around my waist as he stands behind me at the railing. I grin because this is our usual spot, our usual position. Not that I am complaining. I like to watch the water, to hear it crashing below me, feeling the gentle sprays touch my hands and face. But mostly I love to feel his arms around me, his body close to mine. When we are here, everything seems to be as it should be. There is no drama; there are no evil men that haunt my dreams, because there is only Edward and I.

He starts kissing along my neck and I tilt my head slightly allowing his mouth to gently caress my sensitive skin. He starts to gradually move his hands across my stomach, barely touching my skin underneath my top. The feel of his touch is bringing back that all too familiar pang of wanton desire echoing through my entire being. He is barely touching me but the combination of his fingers and the crisp air is sending shivers across my hot skin.

"I need you Isabella." He says, making my whole body vibrate in anticipation, "Right now, right here."

He can't mean what he's saying. Can he? He moves his hand under the waist band of my skirt, resting it over my hot flesh before moving my panties aside and slipping his fingers inside me. He is breathing hard against my neck and the feel of him is making me quiver.

"I can feel how much you want me." His chest is rising and falling against my back, "No one is around. It's just us."

I nod and feel him move my skirt up. I place my right foot on the ledge offering him access as he runs his hand down my back, pushing me forward slightly. Cool air comes up my leg and I am simultaneously cold and hot. When I hear the zipper from his pants go down I moan loudly as desire courses through me.

"Oh, God… Edward please, I need you." I say, panting in breathless anticipation.

That's all the encouragement he needs as he pushes inside of me. Once he is completely inside of me he stops, bringing his hands up my back and into my hair. He starts moving quickly, thrusting in and out, over and over, and over again. And the fact we are here, on our pier has me all but screaming in ecstasy. That he would give me this, today of all days. A day where I have felt inadequate and unworthy of love means everything to me.

"Baby, come for me." He whispers hoarsely and it is my undoing.

I scream his name and feel the world shatter around me. There is no wrong or right about us. I am his and he is mine, always. The waves are crashing below us as I hear him grunt my name, releasing inside of me. I just have to hold onto the belief that we are meant to be together and that my issues will not take him away from me.

* * *

><p><strong>AN… Ah, well, hmmm… I know this was a bit rough for Bella. She is fading fast, she is getting no emotional help, AND she is on an extremely large amount of Trazedone. She may be a doctor but most doctors make horrible patients. Because I don't recall Dr. Zafrina saying she could up her dosage to 600 mg in an 8 day period. Jiminy Crickets! And, anyone who has ever suffered from a long bout of insomnia *raises hand sheepishly* knows it can seriously mess with your brain functioning. Sleep deprivation does crazy things!**

**Alrighty then…. Don't forget to check the blog for pics of James, the bastard! I figured it was time to have a face to the name. Don't you? I also posted pics of the restaurant Edward took her to. **

**Also… don't forget to vote in the "What's Your Fantasy: Anonymous Twilight Erotica Challenge" Remember it is anonymous so just vote for your fav, maybe I will be one of them. Voting continues until Monday. Here's the link … www dot fanfiction dot net/u/3175453/**

**Well, folks you know what I want REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW! Let me know your thoughts on how things are progressing. I love to hear what you're thinking; maybe that's the shrink in me... LOL**


	32. Ch 31: An Intersection

**Rating: M- For lemons (lots of them), language and situations. So this means if you're under 16 please be responsible for yourself.**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer is the sole owner of the world of Twilight. I am just having a little harmless fun with her characters.**

**Well, today is a Holiday. Okay I am primarily AGAINST this holiday but it is a Holiday none the less and I am off work sooooooo I am giving ya an extra chapter. Now in my state we celebrate today as Native American Day instead of Columbus Day so that is what I am choosing to honor. So, Happy Native American Day everyone!**

**Once again thank you to my amazing Beta's A & C for your guidance, encouragement & support. I seriously LalalalaLOVE you girls! Now there are no pictures for this chapter but the new song has been added to the chapter playlist. The song for this chapter is another song by the Kings of Leon. I really like the mood of this song and it fits the darkness that Bella is feeling right now. Hmm, I bet you guys are gonna start banning KOL from my playlist after this chapter...Sorry!**

**A note on POV's… I did split the POV's this chapter because it was appropriate. It will start with Bella and end with Edward.**

**Okay. I'm not going to lie, this will be a rough ride **sigh** **

* * *

><p>A single book of matches gonna burn, what's standing in the way<br>Roaring down the mountain, they're calling on the fire brigade  
>Carry out the pictures and tell the kids that I'm okay<br>If'n I'm forgotten, you'll remember me for the day

I won't ever be your cornerstone.

All the black inside me is slowly seeping from the bone  
>Everything I cherish is slowly dying or it's gone<br>Little shaken babies and drunkards seem to all agree  
>Once the show gets started it's bound to be a sight to see<p>

I won't ever be your cornerstone  
>I don't want to be here holding on<br>I won't ever be your cornerstone

Pyro by Kings of Leon

**Chapter 31: An intersection**

BPOV

Edward holds me tightly in his arms as we listen to the water crashing around us against the pier. He just takes such good care of me and I can't even hold it together for him. He holds me there for a few minutes while our breathing and heart rates normalize and then he walks me slowly to the benches, pulling me onto his lap so that I am straddling him. I immediately rest my head on his shoulder as he gently begins stroking up and down my spine.

"Bella… I need you to tell me what happened today. I know it really upset you." He says as he pulls my face up so that I am looking into his intense green eyes. "I can't help if I don't know."

My breathing becomes shallow and I look down, I can't look at him, I can't meet his eyes. I don't even understand myself why I have been so upset. All I know is that it feels like everything is slipping away, like I am going to wake up and find that he was just a fabulous dream and I am still living my shitty life, without love, without compassion. I will be alone with my Jack Daniels and string of losers, filling my life with emptiness.

He gently caresses my face as he brings it back up forcing me to look at him. His eyes are soft and wanting, filled with absolute love and understanding. But how much is too much? What is his breaking point? If I knew where the line was I could make sure I didn't cross it. I let out a deep breath, steadying myself.

"I dreamt that you were with someone else. You told me you didn't love me anymore." I say swallowing hard.

"Baby… that would never happen." I start to protest but his mouth is on mine, silencing me.

"Never." He whispers against my lips, shaking his head.

"There will never be anyone but you." He says kissing me again.

He continues to kiss me, stroking my back and whispering that he loves me any time his mouth leaves mine. My heart truly believes him and I want desperately to trust that he is right, it's my fucked up brain that keeps getting in the way. The advantage of being drunk all the time and not caring was that I didn't have to think. I could let my body decide and my body always decided on physical pleasure, not emotional well-being. Now I think too much and I never seem to be happy with the outcomes my brain comes up with.

We sit on the pier for over an hour, kissing and touching one another lovingly. He is trying desperately to reassure me with every gentle stroke that he is mine, that no one will ever come between us, that he will always be there for me. He pulls away from me slightly.

"I love you." I say looking him in the eyes and hoping he can see how much he means to me.

He smiles, "I love you too, Isabella."

He kisses me again and then lightly traces along my face.

"Let's go home." He says softly.

* * *

><p>I wake with a start, where am I? It takes a moment for me to realize that I am in my own bed in my own apartment. I look down and see him; he is snoring lightly and has a look of peace on his face. God last night was amazing. I reach over and gently stroke his hair and he lets out a slight moan in response. I smile and think to myself "he really is perfect, too perfect for me." Sooner or later he is going to realize this as well. He will recognize that I am too much damn work, that I carry too much baggage. Simply put, I am fucked up and once he realizes that he can't save me he will leave.<p>

I lay back down but it is pointless as I have to be at work in a few hours. Why does everything feel so off? God, everything seems so quiet, I hate that. It feels like the eye of the storm or some shit like that. It's like that movie I saw because Mark Wahlberg was in it. What was its name? Oh yeah, "The Perfect Storm." When all these storms collide with one another until everything in its path is destroyed. That's what it feels like. It's what I used to feel like when I was a kid before all hell would break loose.

I turn and look at him again; I need a diversion, something to take away this ugliness I am feeling inside and make me feel alive. I need him, more than I have needed anyone in my whole life.

"Edward?" I kiss him lightly and move my hand down his chest slowly "Baby, wake up."

His eyes are closed as he brings his hand up into my hair, pulling me closer to him, kissing me as he rolls on top of me. He brings his mouth to my neck, sucking lightly, moving his hand to my breast, gently tweaking my nipple as I moan softly to his touch. I feel his hand move between us as he slowly enters me. God! He always feels so good. We start moving with one another, a slow and sensuous dance that will build into pure bliss. He brings his mouth to mine, kissing me with such passion that my heart skips a beat, knowing that this perfect man wants me, someone so imperfect that it is frightening.

"_You're nothing; you don't deserve him." James hisses at me._

I squeeze my eyes shut trying to block him out but I can't. He just keeps repeating over and over and over that I don't deserve him. I start breathing hard. No, No, No, No… I will not have him here, not with Edward. Get out of my fucking head! Edward moves away from me, looking at me with a confused expression on his face.

"What's wrong? Why did you stop?"

Now he really looks baffled. "You said no."

Oh shit! I fucking said that out loud. I close my eyes and bring my fingers to my temples, running them in circles, trying to stop the pounding in my head. Fucking James! It's not enough that he ruined my childhood, now he wants to ruin my adulthood as well.

"I wasn't saying no to you." My eyes are still closed, trying to contain the chaos in my head.

"Who were you saying no to?"

I can't see him but I can hear the anguish in his voice. God! I sound like some crazy lunatic, hearing voices in my head. I am really losing it here. I move out from under him and run to the bathroom. When I get inside I start splashing cold water on my face, trying to snap out of this weird ass hallucination that is gripping me. When I open my eyes, I see James in the reflection, smiling that smile he used to have on his face before he would do something mean or violent to me. A loud screech escapes my mouth as my body turns quickly, expecting to find James there. When the door swings open, I jump, startled until the panic on Edward's face grounds me to the present. I leap on him, crying hysterically as he holds me tightly. He sits us down on the floor, pulling me into his lap, cradling me close to his body as I sob endlessly in his arms.

"Baby, I'm here." He says into my hair, "I won't let anything or anyone hurt you."

My sense of time is completely off. We could have been sitting there for hours or seconds. But as I look up at him, tears running down my cheeks, I know that I need him. I need him to help me forget, I need him to make me feel real. I straddle his lap holding his face in my hands, breathing in deeply. I bring my mouth to his, kissing him as strongly as I can, trying desperately to erase everything but him and I. His hands move up my back, ending in my hair, as he pulls my head back and starts kissing down my neck. We are both breathing hard, a feeling of foreboding in the air around us. When he finally looks me in the eyes they are filled with such trepidation and worry, that I am immediately overcome with fear. My expression of terror startles him and he looks lost. He finally lets out a soft breath, pulling me up unto the counter, touching my bare skin and sending shivers across my body. He starts kissing me again and all I can do is throw my head back, simultaneously panting and crying as he enters me.

Edward's hands are behind me now, holding me in place as he continues pushing into me, harder and harder with every thrust. My head is still tilted back and my eyes are closed. I'm trying in vain to focus on what he is doing, the feel of him moving in and out of me. I need to focus on him, nothing else. But I can still hear James laughing and whispering that this isn't real, that Edward isn't real. My nightmare yesterday a reality and I have a strong desire to run into the hall and see if the pictures are still there. I can feel the tears coming out of the corners of my eyes and I know they must be hitting the countertop but I can do nothing to stop them. I pinch my eyes closed as tight as I can, breathing hard but not from the exhilaration I usually feel when Edward is inside me. My head is spinning as James's voice continues to echo menacingly in my head.

Edward moves his hand between us and begins stroking my clit quickly as he picks up his pace. My breathing becomes even more erratic as I feel myself building until I cry out, coming hard, trying to catch my breath and steady my heartbeat. My whole body is shaking and trembling as I feel him release inside of me.

I take a few steadying breaths before finally opening my eyes and what I see makes me gasp. I can tell that he was crying because he hasn't been able to wipe away the tears that are still streaking his cheeks. And his perfect, angelic face is filled with such despair and agony that my heart quickly drops into my stomach and I feel nauseous knowing that I caused that. I lean up and grab him to me, kissing him deeply.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry." I repeat over and over again, kissing every part of his face that I can. Oh God! What am I doing to him?

He pulls me to him, struggling to normalize his breathing until he finally lifts me up and brings me to the bedroom, laying us in the bed. He wraps his whole body around me, like he did after that fateful first encounter with his parents. He holds me tightly, taking slow deep breaths as he nuzzles into my hair, whispering that he loves me before he drifts off to sleep again. I lay with him for another hour before I have to get up and get ready for work.

After showering and getting dressed, I just stare at myself in the mirror. God, Swan, get your shit together? I take a deep breath and walk into the bedroom, leaning against my dresser just watching him sleep, overwhelmed with guilt and self-loathing. What's wrong with me? Why can't I be normal? I glance at the clock again and sigh, knowing I have to leave but wanting to stay here with him. I close my eyes and take another deep breath before placing a note underneath his phone and heading out to the hospital.

* * *

><p>I check the schedule and Dr. Zafrina is off today. Fuck! I really need to talk to her about these pills. I can't take the side effects. It's not worth it. Yeah, I slept taking four of them but what the fuck. I can't have a repeat of this morning. I can't look at that tortured look on Edwards face again. I won't!<p>

As I am walking towards the surgery on call room I try to think about how I can fix this thing with Edward. I need to do something special for him. I have been such a basket case. Not that Edward would complain about it. But then again it isn't in his nature to leave. He stayed with Kate out of obligation. Is that what he is doing with me? Oh God! I can't even think about that, even though I know it is a very real possibility.

This day has flown by. I have been so busy, so much so that I haven't had a chance to think about anything else. I am resting on one of the couches in the lounge with my head back and my eyes closed when a nurse bursts through the door.

"Dr. Swan, they need you in the OR."

I look at her and stand up, "What's coming up?" I say as she walks alongside me into the prep room.

"A 12 year old Caucasian female, she appears to be severely beaten. The paramedics state when they arrived on scene she was lying in a pool of blood, she was unconscious when they got to her and had difficulty with resuscitation." She flips through another report, "The ER indicates her jaw is broke, she has several broken ribs and her breathing is labored. They believe her lung may have been punctured. She's on her way up." She says quickly.

I am just staring at her with what I am sure is a horrified look on my face. If I didn't know any better I would say that they were bringing… me up?

_I have the weirdest sensation that I am floating, like a huge boulder was just lifted off of me and now I am free to fly, I can hear voices in the distance but can't make out what they are saying. They are fuzzy and getting further and further away. Am I dead? Did he finally kill me?_

"_No Bells, you're not dead."_

"_Daddy?" I cry out._

"_I need you to fight baby girl."_

"_But, I want to stay with you." I plead._

"_You can't. You need to go back."_

"_No, I don't want to go. Please let me stay with you." _

_I start crying as I look into his sad and worried face. Why can't I stay?_

"_Bells, it's not your time to be here."_

"_But, he'll hurt me again." I say whimpering through my tears._

"_I'm sorry I couldn't protect you, Bells. But, I promise, he can no longer hurt you."_

_I can hear people talking frantically around me but I still can't make out what they are saying. I just know the sounds are getting louder. I look around quickly but he is gone, he left me and a sadness sweeps over me._

"_We got her, we got her back. Keep breathing Isabella. I'm not letting you die." I hear a desperate voice say to me._

_I drift back into darkness until the pain in my body wakes me up again. My whole body is completely sore. Where am I? It feels like I have awoken from some kind of fuzzy dream. A dream I can't really remember._

"_She's coming around." I hear someone say near me but I don't recognize the voice._

"_Honey, do you know where you are?" Another unrecognizable voice says._

_I look around groggily and shake my head. Oh God! That really hurts._

"_What happened? Where am I?" I ask._

"_You're in the hospital, sweetheart. What do you remember?" One voice says._

_I strain trying to bring back anything that would tell me why I was here, then I gasp as images flash through my head and at that moment I wish I could forget again. Because now I remember vividly everything that James did to me and at that moment I wish I was dead._

"Dr. Swan!" the nurse says loudly, trying to get my attention and drawing me out of my haze.

I shake my head, "I'm sorry. What are her vitals" I ask as we enter the operating room.

She proceeds to tell myself and the other doctors what the young girls stats are as they rush her inside. We all work diligently to save her life. Her injuries are severe. Her face is really bruised and swollen so you can't make out her features that well; the only prominent feature is her dark hair. She has many broken bones but the real issue is her lungs. Several of her ribs punctured through her lungs and as a result she is bleeding internally. I am working on repairing the damage but I am having trouble controlling the bleeding. FUCK! It's everywhere, making it difficult to find where all the holes are that need suturing. It seems that every time I find one and repair it there is bleeding from some other place.

"I can't see! There's too much blood." I say as the nurse continues to suction around the area to no avail. "I can't find them all." I say desperately.

We hear the monitor beat and I look up at it. NO! Shit. I start pumping her heart as the nurse suctions around me. Then I hear the blip again and start clamping around her lung, trying to control the damage.

"There!" Seth says.

I nod, "I see it! I see it!" I quickly get to the last puncture and stitch it up fast, stopping the bleeding.

"Good job, Dr. Swan."

I nod, "God, I thought I was going to lose her, do you want to close Dr. Clearwater?"

He nods excitedly. Seth is a resident at the hospital and he is always so eager to participate and do anything we ask of him. He is going to make a great surgeon.

The monitor goes off again and we all turn to it dumbfounded as she starts to code again.

"No!" I shout to the surprise of my colleagues but I don't care. I start pumping her heart again, over, and over, and over again.

"Clear." I screech as the defibrillator sends an electric shock through her heart.

We try desperately for another ten minutes, trying to bring her back but no matter how hard we try we can't get her heart to start up again.

"She's gone. You need to call it." Sam, the other doctor assisting me says.

I shake my head at all of them, she isn't gone yet. I continue to pump at her heart for another five minutes until I feel hands stopping my movements.

"Time of death, 1:32 p.m." Sam says to the nurse to record in the chart.

"FUCK!" I shout, ripping my gloves off and throwing them in the disposal. I bring my fingers to my temple, moving them in a circle again.

"_Not much of a doctor, are you?" James snickers at me._

Fuck! I turn to the young girl on the operating table as the nurses are cleaning off her face, making her presentable. I must be seeing things now because I swear that I am starring at my 12 year old self, dead, lying on the table. I shake my head trying to erase the image.

"_That should have been you. No one would have missed you." His vile voice echoes in the OR._

I know he isn't there, I know he is just some fucked up hallucination, but still… I walk out into the waiting room to inform the parents that she didn't make it. God! I hate this part. I close my eyes trying to get James out of my head but when her dad looks up at me. I see… James.

It's like I black out for a few seconds and am watching a movie happen before me. I can see someone that looks like me grabbing the young girl's father, throwing him against the wall. I see her pushing him against the wall over and over as she shout's "You did this! You did this!" to him until he eventually falls down, sobbing uncontrollably. Everyone around looks as if they are in shock, no one is moving and then I see Seth and Sam grab the woman that looks like me, pushing her towards the on call office.

"Dr. Swan… Go to the office, NOW!" I hear Dr. Aro, the Chief of staff shout.

I am confused. What just happened? I am pushed into the surgery on call room by Sam and I immediately start pacing. I pick up my phone and try to call Edward. By the third try I leave a message.

"_Edward, where the fuck are you? I need you." I yell to his voicemail._

I continue pacing, hitting my head with my hand, trying to stop the excessive pounding when the Chief of Staff storms into the office, slamming the door behind him.

"What the hell is wrong with you Dr. Swan?"

"He beat her. I know he did. And now she's dead."

He stares at me, fuming, "He did not beat her. She was jumped at school by five other girls. Now I don't know what the hell is wrong with you but you need to get out of here NOW! You're suspended and you better just pray that the family doesn't sue us. So go home, get drunk, go fuck someone, whatever it is you do now-a-days and don't come back until I call you."

I glare at him.

"Do we understand each other, Dr. Swan?"

"Yes."

"Get out now, while I try to control this mess you created."

I storm out of the office and head to my car quickly. FUCK! I shout out as I bang my head against the back of my seat. I need Edward. I pick up the phone and call him again, crying hysterically.

"_Call me. Where the fuck are you? How come you aren't returning my calls? Something happened. I need you." I say scared out of my mind._

I don't even think he will be able to make out what I just said because I am sure it is unintelligible through all my sobbing. I drive to the bar I always went to. Fuck it! I need a fucking drink. When I get there they are closed. SHIT! So I pull up to the liquor store near me and walk in. I stand in the whiskey aisle for a long time, looking at the bottles. Do I really want to do this? I pull my phone out again.

"_Baby, please, where are you? I… I don't know what to do." I say before hanging up, crying._

After what feels like an eternity, I just grab the pint and walk up to the guy at the counter. I head back to my house and the minute I open the door I am ripping the lid off taking a couple of quick gulps, choking as it burns down my throat. I take another long gulp and this one doesn't burn and I feel that all too familiar tingle throughout my body as the Jack Daniels starts to do it's magic. I look at my phone and dial his number again.

"_Where are you? I..." I stutter out before hanging up again._

I take a few more long gulps and close my eyes, I am already feeling loopy which is weird because I haven't drank that much. The room is starting to spin and I am already seeing double. That's when I hear him laughing again.

"Leave me the fuck alone!" I scream at the top of my lungs.

I pick up a glass on the counter and throw it in the direction I hear the laughter but the laughter doesn't stop. I just start throwing things, trying to hit him, trying to make him stop but this just seems to make it worse.

"_You can't get rid of me that easy you little bitch!" James bellows to me._

I am crying uncontrollably, not knowing what to do. I need Edward desperately. I try calling him again but hang up when I get his voicemail. I can still here James laughing, happy that he is making me literally go crazy.

I start screaming and crying, "JUST LEAVE!"

I am so confused and don't know what I am doing anymore. I stumble towards the bedroom. Maybe I just need to lie down. I think I need to sleep. If I sleep I will wake up and find out this has just been another one of my fucked up dreams. As I get to the bedroom, I fall to the floor, not able to make it to the bed. I dial his number again.

"_Baby, I'm sorry. Don't be mad at me." I say crying to his voice mail. "I'm just going to go to sleep. I love you." I say dropping the phone._

Why won't he answer my call? He said he would always be there for me. God, I don't feel good. This doesn't feel right. My heart feels like it is beating out of my chest. Oh God! The Trazedone. I reach for my phone and can't make out the numbers because of my double vision. After several tries I get through.

"911, what's your emergency?"

"I am having trouble breathing; my heart is beating too quickly."

"Where are you ma'am?"

"In my apartment at …" but I can't finish because all of a sudden my whole body is convulsing and I am vomiting uncontrollably, my heart feels like it is going to burst out of my chest, then everything seems to slow down and my world goes black. Oh God! What did I do?

* * *

><p>EPOV<p>

I wake up and she isn't there. I close my eyes, rubbing my fists against them. She isn't getting any better. In fact I think she is getting worse. I need to talk to my mom again. I get up grabbing my phone and see a note.

_Edward,_

_I'm sorry I was such a mess this morning, well the past several weeks but I promise I will work harder baby. Please don't give up on me. I'm so sorry. I love you._

_Bella_

I sigh, bringing my hand to my heart, resting the note there. I need to force her to go to therapy or something. Her nightmares are getting worse and I don't know how to help her. I need help; I didn't get help with Kate and look what happened there. I need to see mom, right away, she'll tell me what I need to do. I jump out of bed and get ready for school. I have my meeting today with my thesis advisor at 1:00 but that should still leave me enough time to be home before Bella gets here. I will order some food and we can do something at the house. I can maybe give her a massage or something like that. I smile. Yeah! That would be good. Maybe that will relax her and she won't need to take those damn pills. I hate those pills, they aren't even helping her. In fact, I think she has been worse since she started them.

* * *

><p>I get to my mom's office about 9:00 a.m. Her secretary said she had an opening then. I walk into her office and sit on her couch, putting my head between my legs, and grabbing my hair tightly.<p>

"Oh God! Edward what happened?"

I am breathing hard as my mom comes to the couch, sitting next to me. She puts her hand on my shoulder, squeezing it lightly, and then runs her hand up and down the nape of my neck. She used to do that all the time when I was little and was freaking out about something.

"Son, tell me what's going on?"

"She woke me up this morning about 3:00 and I start kissing her, then as we, you know…" I look at her and she nods her understanding, "she starts saying no, no, no, no. So I stop. But then she says she wasn't saying no to me and when I ask her about it she bolts to the bathroom."

I look at my mom with what I am sure is a pained expression and she motions for me to continue, still caressing my neck, trying to soothe me.

"I follow her but before I knock on the door, I hear her scream and when I open the door she looks like she has just seen a ghost or something. Mom, I was so scared. She ran to me and I held her but then…" I hesitate again.

"Then what, she wanted to have sex?" my mom says nonchalantly.

I stare at her and nod. "But she was crying the whole time. Her body was just shaking and she looked like she was afraid or in some kind of pain. I wanted to stop but I knew that wasn't what she wanted. I knew I needed to finish but I…" I start crying, putting my head between my legs again as I remember the look on Bella's face and how I so desperately wanted to take away whatever it was that was causing her to feel so upset. I just can't reconcile the fact that whatever I do isn't enough to make her happy.

"This morning, she left me note apologizing for what happened. Saying she will work harder. But the thing is I don't know what the problem is? Is it her nightmares or those sleeping pills she is taking?"

My mom frowns at me. "What sleeping pills?"

"A doctor at Northwest prescribed her Trazedone."

"How many milligrams?"

"Um, I think they are 150 mg. But last night she took four of those pills."

My mom gasps, "What doctor prescribed her 600 mg of Trazedone?"

I shrug, "I don't think she is supposed to be taking that many. She started them a little over a week ago. She hasn't been sleeping for a long time. I asked her if she should be taking that many but she brushed me off. She said she was a doctor and knew what she was doing."

My mom sighs, running her hands through her hair. "Edward, that is too high of a dose. That is dangerously high."

She looks down for a second, like she is getting her thoughts together. "It also sounds like she is re-experiencing her previous trauma. That is really common but dangerous as well if she isn't getting any help. Many people with PTSD start hallucinating and often have a hard time distinguishing reality from their hallucinations. When you couple that with the sleep deprivation…" She looks down, not finishing her thought. She just shakes her head slightly.

I nod at her but then look away. I figured she was still having nightmares. I assumed they were about James but the nightmare she had yesterday was about me so I don't know anymore.

"What else has happened Edward?" she says firmly. "I can tell by your expression, something else is going on."

I look over at her. I have never been able to hide anything from my mom or Alice. But I need to tell her everything because I am at a loss right now. I just sigh before continuing.

"Well, yesterday when I got home from school she was just leaning against the wall starring at our pictures. I don't know how long she had been there but when I got to her she had her hand gripped so tightly around the bracelet I gave her that it actually cut into her skin. Her wrist was bleeding and she didn't even feel it. That's not normal is it?" I ask concerned, but I already know the answer to that question.

"No Edward, it isn't." She looks down and breaths in deeply. "I'm really worried about her. She is de-compensating quickly. She needs help. She may need to be hospitalized."

"No. I won't do that!" I say firmly. There is no way I am putting Bella in a hospital.

"Well, that might be out of your hands son." She says sighing, "Do you think she would come and talk to me?"

"I thought you couldn't see her anymore?"

"I can't but I am really concerned about her and I need to assess her. Will you bring her in to see me?"

"Yeah, I guess so." I say hesitantly, that seems an awful lot like she is asking me to bring Bella in so she can commit her. Bella won't go for that.

"I better go mom. I have a class soon and then I have to meet with my advisor about my thesis."

She puts her arms around me and holds me tightly. "Hang in there son, it will be okay." Then she offers me a small smile, "Good luck with your meeting."

I nod at her as I get up to head to the U. It feels like Bella and I are at an intersection and I don't know where we are going from here. And, to be honest I am scared to death that I am losing her.

* * *

><p>My thesis meeting lasted a lot longer than I expected but it went really well. My advisor loves what I am doing with my thesis. He is frustrated that I have missed so much school lately but indicated that as long as I continued to get my work in that it was okay. I glance at my phone. Shit! I have missed eight calls from Bella.<p>

"_Edward, where the fuck are you? I need you."_

Oh God! She sounds upset. That was at 1:47 p.m. she is supposed to be at work. Why is she calling me during her shift? And, why does she sound pissed off?

"_Call me. Where the fuck are you? How come you aren't returning my calls? Something happened. I need you."_

"_Baby, please, where are you? I… I don't know what to do."_

"_Where are you? I..."_

"_Baby, I'm sorry. Don't be mad at me. I'm just going to go to sleep. I love you."_

I listen to the rest of them as I am running to my car. Oh my God! That last one. Shit! What did she do? Her voice was slurring the last few calls. Is she drinking? As I jump in my car, pulling out of the parking lot I try to call her number but it just rings. I try a few more times; panicking every time she doesn't pick up. I speed over to her place and when I pull up my heart sinks to the pit of my stomach as I see the ambulance out front. Oh God! Not again.

"No, No, No, No, No!" I shout as I run into the house afraid of what I am going to find. The image of her when I saw her that one night after she met my folks flashes through my mind as well as the image of Kate when I found her. But Bella wouldn't do that, would she?

I have to maneuver around all kinds of obstacles to get to the bedroom where I hear voices. Bella really trashed the place this time. The chairs have been strewn across the room, there are glasses broken against two of the walls and the coffee table has been turned over. This can't be good. I storm through the bedroom door and see the paramedic hunched over her. When I get to where I can see her my worst fears are realized and I can't breathe. She is lying on the ground, skin pale and clammy; her eyes are vacant with no life in them at all. She looks dead. Oh God! I'm too late. I lean against her dresser, my heart rate accelerating out of control as I try to catch my breath. No, No, No, No…. I already feel tears coming down my face. This can't be happening. I… I can't lose her and as soon as the thought enters my mind I am overcome with an unbearable sense of loss that I can't even articulate.

"What happened?" I finally choke out; praying to whatever God there is out there that she's not gone.

"Are you a relative?" the first paramedic says.

"I'm her boyfriend. Is she…" I can't even say the word.

"No, she's not dead but we need to get her to the hospital. She's in bad shape. Do you know what she took?"

The second paramedic is talking into his walkie talkie phone. "Yes, we have an apparent suicide attempt."

"She didn't try to kill herself!" I shout at him as he is giving the person on the other end of his phone conversation Bella's vitals. He turns and gives me a dirty look and then answers a question to whoever is on the other end of his conversation.

"Sir, do you know what she is on?" the first paramedic says louder, trying to get my attention away from his colleague.

I turn to him and when he sees my face his features soften. "What did she take?" he asks again.

"She takes Trazedone to sleep; she took 4 pills around midnight." I close my eyes. "600 mg. I don't think she took any more than that."

He nods at me as the other paramedic pushes me aside to get to Bella. They get her on the stretcher and start wheeling her out with me close behind. As they take her to the ambulance I go to jump in and they stop me.

"You can't come in here." The second paramedic says to me.

"To hell if I'm not. That's my girlfriend. She needs me."

He stares at me for a long time before moving out of the way so I can jump in. I lean down close to her, whispering in her ear.

"Bella… don't leave me… Please…" I know I am crying but I don't care what these assholes think. If Bella dies so do I. I can't live without her.

* * *

><p><strong>AN… **SIGH** I know, sorry I left ya hanging there. The next chapter will be EPOV and he told me he needed a FULL chapter to say what he needed to say. Now, Bella had an extremely high dose of Trazedone in her system when she started drinking. All anti-depressants are bad when mixed with alcohol because they accelerate the effects of alcohol which is why doctors **_**always**_** say don't drink if you are on any anti-depressants. In addition, Trazedone has one of the worst interactions when mixed with alcohol. So, needless to say she is not in a good place right now.**

**Don't forget to vote in the Erotica Contest. Today is the last day! The link is www dot fanfiction dot net/u/3175453/Erotica_Challenge**

**Okay folks... next chapter will post on Friday morning. And, as always, let me know what your thoughts are. **


	33. Ch 32: By Your Side

**Rating: M- For lemons (lots of them), language and situations. So this means if you're under 16 please be responsible for yourself.**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer is the sole owner of the world of Twilight. I am just having a little harmless fun with her characters.**

**Once again thank you to my amazing Beta's A & C for your guidance, encouragement & support. You two have been a great support to me on this journey. Special thanks to my mom who helped me with the medical stuff and for deciphering all the medical jargon for me **

**There are no pictures for this chapter but the new song has been added to the chapter playlist. The song for this chapter is by Sade. I think it truly epitomizes how Edward is feeling. Thanks Amanda for suggesting this one. It is perfect.**

**I know, I know, last chapter was a rough one. I'm sorry. If it's any consolation it was rough to write. This chapter isn't much better though because Edward is not doing too well as you can probably imagine.**

* * *

><p>You think I'd leave your side, baby<br>You know me better than that  
>Think I'd leave you down when you're down on your knees<br>I wouldn't do that

I'll tell you you're right when you're wrong  
>And if only, you could see into me<p>

Oh, when you're cold, I'll be there, hold you tight, to me  
>When you're on the outside, baby, and you can't get in<br>I will show you, you're so much better than you know

When you're lost  
>You're alone and you can't get back again<br>I'll find you, darling, and I'll bring you home

If you want to cry, I am here to dry your eyes  
>And in no time, you'll be fine<p>

When you're low I'll there by your side baby

By Your Side by Sade

**Chapter 32: By your side**

EPOV

"Bella… don't leave me… Please…" I know I am crying but I don't care what these assholes think. If Bella dies, so do I. I can't live without her.

I hear the machine make some noises and the paramedic pushes me back out of the way. I glance and see a straight line moving across the machine monitoring her heart, my heart. I turn to Bella and watch as the paramedics give her CPR. I want to look away but I can't. I can't take my eyes off of her. When that machine they use goes off, her whole body arches up. But nothing changes, the line remains flat and I am frozen in place, frozen in time. All I can see are images of Bella.

_Her hair blowing in the wind on the shore_

_The sun setting behind her on the cruise_

_Her stunned and excited expression when I ordered in French_

_The way she looked in the moonlight when we made love under the stars_

_Her face watching the sun set over the bay on our first date_

_The first time she said she loved me_

The machines are beeping like crazy. The EMT's are moving frantically around her, talking in rushed voices. They zap her again, causing her whole body to shake, but still there is nothing, no movement on that line. Oh God! I… I… I can't lose her.

_Playing doctor with her at the hospital_

_Her making love to me in her car at the school_

_How sexy and beautiful she looked at Trinity_

_The feel of her soft skin against mine_

_Watching her get her piercing_

_Her teasing me about the pictures_

One of the EMTs is talking into his phone, telling them what is going on as they zap her again, her body arching off the stretcher, and again nothing. No, No, No, No... This can't be happening; NO… this can't be happening. I…

_Her playfulness at the Halloween party_

_Feeding her that chocolate cake at Daniel's Broiler_

_Waking up with her wrapped in my arms_

_Holding her close to me on the pier_

_The smell of lilac in her hair_

_Her laughter during our meal at the Crab Pot_

They zap her again, her body convulsing as the shock goes through her, and the line still doesn't change. Please, No! I won't survive without her. Oh God! Please, No! Please God! Don't take her from me. I… I need her.

_The way she looked with water cascading down her face_

_Making love to her at UW_

_The look on her face when I gave her the bracelet_

_The way her touch always sends shivers across my body_

_Making a wish at the fountain_

_Our Possibilities_

They zap her again and this time I hear a steady beep move across that machine and hear the EMT say into his phone, "We got her, our ETA is 5 minutes." I can't control the sob that escapes my throat. My head falls between my legs as I bring my hands into my hair, muttering thank you and oh God over and over again, crying uncontrollably. Before I realize it, we are at the hospital.

The doors swing open and several doctors and nurses are pulling Bella's stretcher out of the ambulance and walking along side it. The EMT's are spouting off all kinds of numbers to the doctors. I am following close behind the stretcher, keeping my eyes on Bella. I don't even look up until I hear Dr. Black speaking loudly to the paramedic.

"She tried to kill herself?" He asks in disbelief. He turns to glare at me.

"What happened? What did you do to her?" His anger clearly directed at me.

I can't even talk. I wasn't there for her, that's what I did. One of the nurse's calls Dr. Black's attention from me as they come into the hospital. Once inside there is muttering and whispering. I hear someone say "Is that Dr. Swan?" And someone else gasps, there is other talk but I block it out. Shit! I should have told them not to bring her here. She isn't going to be happy that people are talking about her.

They move her to one of the ER beds and Jake shoves me outside of the curtain. Oh hell no! I push my way back inside and he glares at me again.

"Get the hell out of here!"

"I have a right to be here. Bella would want me here!"

"Dr. Black!" another doctor says and Jake turns back around ordering people to do this or that.

I am not really paying attention. I am completely focused on Bella. I hear the doctors say something about her breathing, an irregular heart beat and ICU but I don't know what any of it means. They are working frantically on Bella as I see them force a tube down her throat. They start hooking up something to her chest and then there is a loud beeping coming from one of the machines. The doctors seem to forget I am in the room as they talk among themselves. The beeping on the machine starts to become steadier and I am hoping that it is a good sign.

I am breathing hard, trying to wrap my head around what I am seeing. A part of me wants to believe that this is some bad dream that I will wake up from soon but the more rational part of me knows that it isn't. I feel someone place a hand on my shoulder, squeezing it lightly which grounds me to the present. I look up, seeing Rosalie as she walks past me to the bed. She starts talking to everyone and then after a few nods to different people she walks back to me.

"Edward, they are going to move her to the ICU." She says calmly.

I am not looking at her at all. I know she is speaking but it sounds mumbled, like she is speaking underwater. All I can see is Bella lying there. As the nurse removes her bracelet she whispers something about her wrist and then Jake looks at me again, glaring.

"Edward!" Rosalie says louder and then moves so that she is blocking my line of sight to Bella.

I glance at her quickly but then step to the side slightly. "What are you doing with her bracelet? She will be upset when she wakes up and it's not on." I say angrily to them.

They all just stare at me like I have lost my mind. Well maybe I have but there is no way they are taking that bracelet from her. She will know it's gone. The nurse looks at Rosalie who sighs and reaches her hand out to her. She takes the bracelet from the nurse and then turns to me. Rosalie takes my hand and places the bracelet on my palm and then wraps my fingers around it.

"You hold it for her. She can't wear it Edward. They have IV's and other monitors that they need to attach to her." She takes a deep breath. "I called Emmett, him and Jasper are on their way."

I look at her confused. What is she talking about?

"She's stable right now." She continues but I am not hearing her anymore.

As she is talking I walk to the side of the bed, pulling up the stool there. I reach through the bars so I can hold Bella's hand as best as I can with the IV attached to her and just rest my head against the bars, looking at her. I hear Rosalie and other people talking in the background but I don't know what they are saying, it just sounds like white noise. I feel tears streaking my cheeks but I don't wipe them away. What's the point? I continue watching Bella, not knowing what to do to help her.

"Sir, I need you to move so we can take her upstairs." An orderly tells me.

I am lost in thought, my eyes locked on my girl, laying there helpless, needing me. I let her down just like everyone else has. God! I wish they would let me crawl in there with her. I bet that would help her. I know it would help me.

"Sir?" I hear someone say a little louder as they touch my shoulder.

I look up and realize there are several people in the room now. I reluctantly pull my hand away from Bella and stand up, pushing my chair back. I finally really look at Rosalie who has been standing in the back, her hand covering her mouth, her other hand wrapped over her stomach, tears coming down her normally composed face. She turns to look at me and offers a small smile, wiping her eyes as one of the nurses touches her arm. She nods at them as they start moving Bella's bed.

As we walk out of the room I hear a screech and then feel small arms wrapped around me. And the floodgates open again. I feel Rosalie touch my shoulder and briefly see the massive size of Emmett pass in front of me, going to Rosalie to comfort her. I try to catch my breath but I can't seem to stop crying long enough to actually breathe.

"I… the… there… home..." I take a deep breath. "Her heart stopped in the ambulance."

"Oh God! Edward. I'm so sorry." Alice takes my face in her hands, forcing me to look at her. "This isn't your fault!" she says adamantly.

I just shake my head. "She tried to reach me. I was in my thesis meeting. I missed eight calls from her. I could have stopped it. I could have."

"E… Stop, damn it!" Emmett says loudly from somewhere behind me.

"What happened E?" Jasper says, running his hand on my shoulder.

"I need to get to the ICU. That's where they are taking her." I say, walking towards the elevators. We get there the same time they all get in with Bella.

"Sir, we can't have you in here with us. You need to let us stabilize her. You can visit her in an hour." He says sympathetically.

"What if something happens in that time?" I say panicked.

"We will take good care of her. There is a waiting room on the fourth floor where you can wait until you can visit her." He says and I briefly remember meeting him the weekend I was here with Bella. Rosalie walks into the elevator.

"Edward. I will take care of her. Do you trust me?" Rosalie says with a determined look on her face.

I nod as they take Bella away from me. Alice hasn't let go of my hand this whole time and as the elevator doors close she squeezes my hand tightly, forcing me to look at her.

"We'll wait with you Edward. I called mom already so she should be on her way as well. She has privileges here so she can probably find out more information."

We get into the next elevator and I lean against the back, closing my eyes, hitting the back of my head against the wall. Alice wraps her arms around me, breathing in deeply. She starts whispering in her soft musical voice that Bella will be okay, that she can see a future for us, that she loves me and that I need to be strong. By the time the elevator doors open I am wanting desperately for Alice's premonitions to be right.

* * *

><p>The elevator seemed to take a lifetime and when we get to the fourth floor it is eerily quiet. There are two huge double doors that say Intensive Care Unit on them. Just those two doors separate me from my Bella. I instinctually start walking in that direction. My body and soul are leading me towards my other half without any conscious thought.<p>

"Through here E." Emmett says, putting his hand on my shoulder, guiding me away from the double doors and into the waiting room.

I drop into one of the cushy chairs and bring my head between my knees again, crying quietly, willing the hour to go by. Jasper leans down in front of me.

"E… I know it is hard but you need to tell us what happened?" he gently runs his hands up and down my arm and shoulder. "E… we are here for you."

"I don't know what happened." I look up at him and take in a deep breath. They are all watching me.

"She had a bad morning. Her nightmares are getting worse. I went to see mom before going to class and then I had my meeting this afternoon. I know I told her but she probably forgot." I look down again. I should have been there for her. "When I got out of my meeting I got all her messages and rushed to the house. When I arrived the ambulance was already there."

I hear Emmett mutter "Fuck!" and start pacing back and forth. He looks so monstrous in this small room.

"When her heart stopped in the ambulance, I really thought I lost her. I…" I swallow hard before putting my head down again. I can't even bring myself to think about what would have happened if she had died.

"Rosie! How is she?" Emmett's voice echoes in the room.

I am afraid to look up at her. My body can't move. I can't seem to shift from my current position.

"She is stable. The next 24 hours are critical." She hesitates and takes a deep breath, "I had been trying to call her but couldn't get through. When I heard what happened in the OR, I…" she pauses, "I was worried about her."

"What happened in the OR?" Jasper asks softly.

"She was operating on someone who had been severely beaten. The patient died on the table and Bella freaked out."

"What do you mean she freaked out?" Alice asks confused.

I hear everyone mumbling and finally I look up defeated. "Was the patient a young girl?"

Everyone stops talking and looks at me. Rosalie's eyes are wet but she is not crying. She nods. I let out a deep breath, running my fingers through my hair.

"Bella has been having severe nightmares about James and what he did to her. This morning I think she was hallucinating. I believe she thought he was in the apartment. He beat her so bad once that she almost died. The doctor's saved her life. If she couldn't save this girl she would not have handled that very well. Did she attack the father?"

Rosalie nods, "They said she threw him against the wall and started yelling at him. It took two doctors to pull her off of him. The Chief of Staff suspended her. By the time it got back to me she was already gone. I had been trying to reach her since then."

I hear Alice gasp and then see Jasper move to her, holding her as she cries in his arms. I watch my sister, feeling helpless and insignificant. I slowly turn back to Rosalie, begging her with my eyes to forgive me for letting this happen.

"She called me eight times, each one getting progressively worse. I…" I look down again, tears streaking my face. "I was in a meeting. She couldn't reach me. She said she didn't know what to do." I swallow hard, "I guess she started drinking. If she had been able to reach me we wouldn't be here right now." I take several deep breathes. "I let her down."

"No… You Didn't!" I hear my mom say from the doorway.

I glance up and see my mom and dad at the entrance of the waiting room. They walk through and there is an immediate tension the minute my dad steps in. I haven't talked to him since we left his office a few weeks back but at this point I don't care. I am just waiting for my hour to be up.

"I am going to check on her Edward. I will see if they will let you in now." Rosalie says as she walks out of the waiting room.

My mom walks over to me and sits on the arm of the chair and I rest my head on her lap. She starts running her fingers through my hair, whispering that she loves me. I am crying without sound. My heart is aching, my brain overrun with images of Bella and our time together. Little things, like her smart ass remarks or the way she would always touch me as she walked by, invade every aspect of my being. Not knowing if she is okay or what is happening is driving me insane. I feel my dad's presence near me even though I am not looking at him. I sigh as I turn my head to look over to him.

He has kneeled down in front of the chair. He must have come right over from the office because he still has on one of his expensive suits and oddly the first thought that crosses my mind is _why is he kneeling in one of his best's suits?_ His expression is pained and I see tears forming in his eyes making me gasp, the tears freely flowing again. He draws in a quick breath and composes himself, watching me as he gently wipes the tears from under my eyes.

"I'm so sorry, son." He pauses, tenuously holding on to his tough exterior. "I… I never wanted you hurt again." he drops his head and I start to say something but my attention is drawn to the door.

"Sir? You can come back now."

I bolt up, almost knocking my mom off the arm of the chair. My dad gets up quickly, touching my shoulder as I look at him. He mouths _I love you_ and I can't help but smile slightly as I walk past him, following the nurse into the ICU.

I walk past several rooms; there are people in every room. Some of them have visitors with them and some are all alone, suffering with no family or friends by their side. God! How devastating. Who would leave their mom, dad, relative or friend to be alone in a place like this? I see Rosalie behind the nurses' station looking at someone's chart. I wonder if it is Bella's. I am at the clear door to Bella's room. The nurse pulls the door open and my heart sinks again.

"The doctor will be in shortly to talk to you?"

I nod as I sit next to Bella. I don't know what half of the machines are that are attached to her. She has an IV in both arms, and one of her hands has a needle in it but it's not connected to anything. One of the machines I recognize as a heart monitor but it looks a little different from the one in the ER. And she still has that tube down her throat which is now connected to another machine I don't recognize. She doesn't look as pale as she did a few hours ago but she still doesn't look good. I am afraid to touch her but I really need to.

"She's better." I hear Rosalie say from behind me.

"What are all these machines for?" I ask, barely above a whisper.

She walks over to me, checking one of the machines. "This one is monitoring her heart." She says touching the machine. "They are concerned because her heart beat is slightly irregular but they aren't sure if it is a reaction to the medication or something else."

She touches another machine. "This one is helping her breathe. But she is doing better on that front. If she continues to do well in a few hours they will remove the breathing tube and disconnect this machine."

She starts to say something else when a doctor comes in. She is a tall African American woman with a pleasant smile and friendly features.

"Are you doing my job Nurse Hale?" she says smiling at her.

Rosalie gives her a small smile. "No, not at all, Doctor."

She touches her arm, "I know she is your friend but you can't hover over her. You need to trust us." she says softly.

Rosalie sighs, "I know. But, I told him I would make sure she was ok." She says nodding in my direction.

"Edward?" she says looking at me. How does she know my name?

"Bella has spoken of you. I am Dr. Zafrina. I will be overseeing Doctor… I'm sorry; I will be overseeing Isabella's care tonight."

Hey wait, I know that name. "You're the one that gave her the pills." I can't stop the scowl on my face.

She frowns slightly. "Yes, I did. I had no idea she would up the dosage like she did. She was supposed to only take two pills and I warned her that she couldn't drink while taking them. She assured me she wouldn't." she takes a breath, taking in my expression, "Isabella is a tremendously talented surgeon. I have known her since she came to Northwest." She hesitates again, softening her expression, "As you know she doesn't let many people get close to her but she has always been very friendly with me. I came in when I got the call that she was being transported here."

I nod and turn back to Bella. I start gently running my fingertips on any part of her skin that I can. I want her to know that I am here, that I will always be here for her, that I will always be by her side.

"As Nurse Hale was explaining we are monitoring her heart, she has what we call a supraventricular tachycardia specifically, atrioventricular nodal reentrant tachycardia."

I stare at her, "What does that mean?" I barely rasp out.

"It means her heart is not beating correctly. On most occasions this is not fatal but we are monitoring her response to treatment. Do you know if heart disease runs in her family?"

I shake my head, "I don't know. Her dad died when she was young and she never mentioned anyone in her family having heart problems."

"If her breathing continues to improve we will remove the tube in a few hours. We are also monitoring her kidney and liver functions. Her levels are not what they should be, but that may be more related to her drinking than the medication, at this time it could be either."

She walks over to the heart machine and presses several of the buttons, talking to Rosalie. Is she done talking to me? She jots something down in Bella's chart and then looks up at me.

"She will stay overnight and if her condition improves enough then we will move her to one of the general medical rooms upstairs."

"Can I stay with her?"

"You can't spend the night in here. It's probably better to go home and get a good night's sleep and come back in the morning."

I stare at her like she is an idiot. Does she seriously believe I will leave this hospital? There is no way in hell I am leaving Bella.

She is watching my expression, "Or you can stay in the waiting room if you'd like."

I nod at her and she turns around walking towards the door where she stops, turning to me.

"Does she have family here that I need to talk to?"

"Our friends and my family are in the waiting room. _We_ are her family." I state with the utmost sincerity.

She nods, "I will go tell them what is going on." She lets out a deep breath. I wonder if Bella realizes how many people really care about her.

"The one thing I know about Dr. Swan is that she is a fighter. She will pull through this." She says and walks out of the room, presumably to talk to everyone in the waiting room. Rosalie also walks out leaving me alone with Bella.

"Baby… I know you can hear me. I love you so much."

I pull the side gate down so I can rest my head on her leg, while stroking her fingers and along her wrist, tracing over the cuts that are there. I move my arms over her stomach, watching her steady breathing and my own breathing starts to slow down. I am unable to stop my lids from closing as I drift off to sleep, completely exhausted, allowing myself to remember just a few days ago.

"_Baby I need you so much." I whisper against her neck. _

_She runs her hand up the nape of my neck and into my hair, pulling my head up so she can kiss me again. Her lips are soft against mine. I pull away from her slightly, looking at her intently._

"_I don't even remember what my life was like before we met." I say earnestly._

_She traces along my jaw and over my lips._

"_You are the best thing to ever happen to me. I don't deserve you." She says averting her eyes._

_I move away from her, moving my hand to her chin, forcing her eyes to mine._

"_Why would you say that?" _

"_Because it's true… I have so many problems, you deserve better than that."_

"_You are my life Bella. You are everything to me."_

_She nods and pulls me to her, kissing me again, slipping her tongue into my mouth as she moves her hand between us. She guides me to her entrance and I moan as I push into her, the feel of her walls tightening around me sending a bolt of electricity throughout my entire body. We fit together flawlessly. I just don't understand why she doubts that. It is so beyond my grasp._

"_I love you Bella" _

"_I will always love you." she whispers back._

I am startled awake by the sounds of beeping and then movement around me. I look up to see a nurse touching the buttons on the heart monitor. Then she sets a couple of tubes on the bed. She proceeds to take some blood from the needle connected to Bella's hand, smiling at me and then walking out of the room. How long was I asleep?

"E…" I hear Jasper say.

I turn around and see both Jasper and Emmett at the door. Emmett is looking at Bella while Jasper is looking at me with a concerned expression on his face.

"We've been told to take you to eat something." Jasper says softly.

I shake my head. "I'm okay."

"E, come on. You look like shit! Let's go get something to eat. Rosie said they will be running some tests on Bella. You don't need to be in here for that." Emmett states while Jasper frowns at him.

"E. They need to take care of Bella. It's our job to take care of you. Now come on before Em picks you up and carries you out. You know he will do it." Jasper says coolly.

I look at Emmett who is stretching from side to side and touching his toes like he is ready to do some weight lifting or something. Asshole! But Jasper is right, he will do it. I turn to Bella and kiss her forehead.

"I'll be right back, baby. I love you."

I follow them outside of Bella's room and see Emmett look at Rosalie. She smiles and nods at him while mouthing _thank you _to him. He nods at her as we walk past the nurse station.

"Where is everyone?" I ask wondering about my parents and sister.

"You're parents took Alice downstairs already. We are supposed to meet them there." Jasper says calmly. I don't know. There is just something about Jasper that makes you feel like everything is going to be alright. He really is a perfect match for my sister.

We head to the cafeteria and when we walk in we see my parents and Alice sitting at a large table. We go through the line and nothing really seems appealing but I still put a few things on my plate, knowing I won't be able to get out of here without eating something. Emmett on the other hand is placing all kinds of food on his tray. What does he think he's doing? This isn't a buffet. As we walk past a table I hear him.

"I knew she wouldn't be happy with you." Jake says.

I turn to look at him as he stands up, daring me to say something. I don't get a chance because both Emmett and Jasper step in front of me quickly. They both set their trays on a nearby table and their stance says they are ready to fight.

"Look man, you better back the fuck up before you get hurt." Emmett says towering over him.

"You need to get over yourself and face the fact that Bella loves him you petty asshole." Jasper fumes. Sometimes his calmness is a bit on the crazy side because you aren't really sure what he is capable of.

"So, you can't fight your own battles huh? Well, I told you before, you couldn't save her. Now, look where she is?" he says over Emmett's huge frame.

I see Emmett's body tense up and know he is about ready to hit him but my father walks up, motioning for Emmett to back off. My dad steps in front of Jake causing him to step back slightly as he looks at Jake's tag then back up at him.

"Dr. Black is it?"

Jake is trying to look at me but my dad is blocking him. My dad leans in close to him talking low enough for only the five of us to hear.

"If you EVER talk to my son like that again I will ruin you. I will not just take your medical license but I will make sure you can't get a job anywhere. I… will… destroy… you." He says, emphasizing those last four words, causing Jake to cringe.

My dad walks with an aura around him that says fuck with me at your own peril. And I know that Jake is scared. I have seen my dad elicit that look from people before. Jake turns to my dad and is speechless.

"Do we understand each other?" My dad says stepping back slightly and running his hands down his tie like he just asked him to get him a cup of coffee or something.

"Boys, go sit down." My dad says, not taking his eyes off of Jake. I almost feel sorry for Jake. He has no idea the shit storm he just created with my father.

We walk over to the table with my mom and Alice. I am suddenly not very hungry at all. I just stare at my food. Jake's words echoing in my head. I just need to get back to Bella.

"He's full of shit, E. Don't even give him any attention." Emmett says, "Your dad should have let me deck him. The Bastard!" then he notices my mom who has her eyebrow arched at him. "Sorry, Mrs. C."

"E, He was just trying to make you feel bad. You know Bella loves you. She isn't here because she hurt herself. This was an accident." Jasper says.

Alice looks around the table confused. "Who was that?"

"Jake. I mean Dr. Black. He… umm… dated Bella for a while. He kind of wanted more from her than what he got." I say looking at my food, moving it around the plate.

My mom mumbles something and then catches herself when we all look at her. Hmm, Bella must have said something about Jake in their sessions together. My dad walks over and sits down next to my mom.

"So, did you rip that asshole a new one?" Emmett says and immediately stops chewing realizing what he said. We all look at him and then my dad laughs loudly.

"Well, let's just say he will think twice the next time he decides to act like a scorned lover versus a professional." He says taking a sip from his coffee.

Did he just say scorned lover at the table? God! Can this day get any stranger? I hear lots of dialogue around me but I am only getting bits and pieces of it. I can't seem to focus on anything but what is going on with Bella upstairs.

"Edward, eat please." My mom says above the chatter.

"Mom, do you really think she will be okay? That heart thing sounds really serious." The table gets quiet as everyone turns to look at her.

"Well, the heart condition is very common Edward." She takes a sip of her coffee before continuing, "Bella is one of the strongest women I have ever met. She has survived unspeakable things and yet she is still willing to love." She says smiling at me. "She will be fine."

I swallow hard nodding. Then force myself to eat a few bites of food. Everyone continues to talk at the table. I barely notice, just wondering if they are done with Bella and if I can go up with her again. I feel at a loss without her.

"I should go back up. You guys don't need to stay but I am going to spend the night here." I say to everyone at the table.

"E, we want to be here if you need us." Jasper says again.

"Um, I don't know what I need aside from Bella. I just… I just need to be with her and I hate to think you guys are just waiting around for me."

"Edward. This is what family does, even when we disagree." She touches my dad's hand. "We are here for one another. Don't worry about us. You take care of Bella."

I nod, "I am going to check on her." I say getting up and heading back to the fourth floor. This time when I walk past Jake's table he says nothing and I just grin, wondering what exactly my dad said to him to make him suddenly mute.

When I get back to Bella's room they have already removed the breathing tube. There isn't anyone in there with her as I sit in the chair next to the bed. I pull the gate down again and tuck the blanket around her. I wrap my arm around her again and lay my head near her body. I stay like this until they tell me visiting hours are done and that I need to leave. She doesn't wake up the entire time I am there. I walk to the waiting room completely drained emotionally and physically. I lay down on one of the couches in there, falling into a fitful and restless sleep.

* * *

><p>"<em>Bella, I love you, don't do this." I plead with her.<em>

"_I need to. I am no good for you. If I stay I will only destroy your life." She stutters through her sobs. "I can't do that. I won't do that."_

"_I need you. Oh God! Baby, don't do this. Please" I beg unable to control my own unyielding tears._

_I hear her crying on the other end of the phone._

"_You said if you were lost to find you. I won't let you go. I will find you." I say determinedly._

_I hear her breathe in deeply._

"_You can't go where I'm going." She says softly._

_Oh my God! What does that mean? _

"_Oh God... Bella, please... Don't go anywhere I can't follow. Please, don't do anything without me. I need you. I won't survive without you."_

"_I will always love you Edward. You need to know that I loved you enough to let you go." She says oddly calm._

"_Oh, God! NO… Bella…NO" I say as I hear the phone go dead._

I wake in a cold sweat, my heart racing, my breathing shallow. Where am I? Where's Bella? I sit up and take in my surroundings. I put my head against the back of the couch, bringing my hand into my hair, feeling tears come down my face. What the hell was that about? I rub my hand down my face and pull out my phone to check the time. It's still early. I wonder if they will let me go in now.

I walk into the ICU and head towards the nurses' station. I don't recognize the nurse there; she must be on the morning shift.

"How is Isabella? Can I see her?" I ask.

She smiles at me. "She is better this morning. I think they will move her after the doctor checks her. It's a little early still but you can go in."

"Thank you." I say as I head towards Bella's room.

I go through my usual routine, pulling the gate down, resting my head so that I am touching her body, and gently stroking her wrist and arm. I take her bracelet out of my pocket and wrap it slightly around her fingers, playing with the charms.

"Edward?" I hear her rasp out.

I sit up quickly, staring at her. "Bella, Oh God!" I let out a loud breath, fighting the urge to just pull her into my arms, "Baby I was so scared."

She starts crying. "I'm so sorry. I…"

I move my fingers to her face, wiping the tears away. "It's okay baby. I love you."

"I love you too." She whispers as I bring my lips to hers, gently kissing her.

I move as close to her as I possibly can in the confines of this bed and continue to lay soft chaste kisses on her mouth, savoring the feel of her lips against mine. I know that we are meant to be together. Nothing will come between us. I will never let her down again, even if that means postponing school. I don't care. The only thing that matters is her.

* * *

><p><strong>AN… Goodness gracious! Well, I am not so sure Bella is going to be happy about him sacrificing everything for her but we shall see. Now, the heart condition she has is very common in women and can be triggered by stress or alcohol. Okay, are you all STILL mad at Carlisle? I know, he isn't completely redeemed but hey you got to admit he has some set of you know what…LOL… Okay, as always let me know what ya think.**

**And thanks to everyone who voted in the Erotica Contest. I don't know if I placed or not as the winners have not been announced yet. But my story was The Role of a Lifetime. Now, I am sure with my Bel Ami fixation you probably already figured that one out. Anyway... I am thinking about turning it into a full story when I am done with TMH. For those who have not read it yet I will post it on my story links once it is released.**


	34. Ch 33: All Around Me

**Rating: M- For lemons (lots of them), language and situations. So this means if you're under 16 please be responsible for yourself.**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer is the sole owner of the world of Twilight. I am just having a little harmless fun with her characters.**

**Once again thank you to my amazing Beta's A & C for your guidance, encouragement & support. As always, you girls totally rock my world! Special thanks to my mom and her ample hospital knowledge for making sure I used the right terminology. There are no pictures for this chapter but the new song has been added to the playlist. When I first started picking songs I asked my betas for suggestions and when I heard this song I immediately thought of this chapter. And that was a long time ago. It is a song by Flyleaf and I think it speaks for itself. I was even able to find a video that was Twilight themed. Ok, there is a tiny bit of Jacob in it, darn it! but overall it is a great video :-)**

**Alright folks, I know the last several chapters have been pretty rough and last chapter was definitely hard for Edward. I promise this chapter is NOT as difficult as the last three. We will pick up Bella's perspective from the hospital.**

* * *

><p>My hands are searching for you; my arms are outstretched towards you<br>I feel you on my fingertips, my tongue dances behind my lips for you

This fire rising through my being, Burning, I'm not used to seeing you  
>I'm alive, I'm alive<p>

I can feel you all around me, thickening the air I'm breathing  
>Holding on to what I'm feeling, savoring this heart that's healing<p>

My hands float up above me and you whisper you love me  
>And I begin to fade into our secret place<p>

The music makes me sway  
>The angels singing say "we are alone with you"<br>I am alone, and they are too, with you  
>I'm alive, I'm alive<p>

Take my hand, I give it to you  
>Now you owe me, all I am<br>You said you would never leave me  
>I believe you, I believe<p>

All Around Me by Flyleaf

**Chapter 33: All Around Me**

Where am I? I can make out voices near me but not really what is being said. This is so damn frustrating. I rack my brain trying to remember what happened but it's escaping me.

"Does she have family here that I need to talk to?" Is that Dr. Zafrina?

"Our friends and my family are in the waiting room. _We _are her family." I hear his melodic voice say to her determinedly.

"I will go tell them what is going on. The one thing I know about Dr. Swan is that she is a fighter. She will pull through this."

She actually sounds concerned about me. So I take it I am in the hospital. I must be at Northwest because why else would Dr. Zafrina be here? I don't think I am paralyzed because I can feel my body; I just have no control over it.

"Baby… I know you can hear me. I love you so much." I hear his sad and worried voice whisper to me.

He sounds so upset. I need to open my eyes. I need to touch him. Tell him that it's okay. But my eyes won't cooperate. I am motionless. I feel his fingertips against my skin and want so desperately to hold him. I hate this. I drift off into darkness again and the next time I am conscious I don't hear anything around me and I don't feel his presence. He's not here, where is he? I start to panic and realize I have no idea what time it is or even how many days have gone by.

Okay, Swan, you need to think! Gradually images start floating through my brain… Edward's panicked face, operating on that young girl, her dying on the table, not being able to reach Edward, picking up a bottle of Jack, hearing James' torturous voice, feeling like my heart was going to beat out of my chest. I become overwhelmed with fear and want to scream but my mouth doesn't want to work.

"Doctor! She's coding."

"Defibrillator, Stat!" Dr. Zafrina says quickly and I feel an electric shock go through my body. I feel like I am floating again, like when I was younger.

"Swan! Don't you dare give up." Rosalie shouts at me and I can hear the fear in her voice. I feel the shock go through me again and this time I can feel myself being pulled back.

I drift off again and the next time I come to, I feel him! I feel him next to me, touching me and then I feel him wrap something against my fingers. Oh God! My bracelet. My body is in such pain that I know I must be capable of speaking. I force my eyes open and make words come out of my mouth.

"Edward?" I rasp out, barely audible.

He sits up quickly, staring at me. His beautiful face wrought with despair, his eyes are red and swollen, his hair a disheveled mess, his clothes wrinkled. He looks like he hasn't eaten or slept in days.

"Bella, oh God!" He lets out a loud breath, "Baby, I was so scared."

I can't fight the tears that stream down my face. "I'm so sorry. I…"

He moves his fingers to my face, wiping the tears away. "It's okay baby. I love you."

"I love you too." I whisper as he brings his lips to mine, gently kissing me.

He moves closer to me and continues to kiss me softly, breathing in deeply every time his lips touch mine. I hear a gasp at the door which brings our attention back to the fact that we are in a hospital and not alone. He rests his head against my forehead and then kisses me lightly before stepping back so the nurses can check me out.

"It's good to have you back Dr. Swan. You gave us a little bit of a scare last night." The nurse says.

Edward moves his eyes from me and stares at her. "What do you mean?" he takes a deep breath, "You said she was better."

She smiles, "She is better, but last night…" She hesitates.

"My heart stopped last night." I say as Edward turns to me.

She nods. "How did you know that?" she asks confused.

I shrug. "I just felt like I was floating away. I have felt that way before. I heard Rosalie shout at me and then I felt pain." I reach my hand for him and he takes it quickly.

"When can I leave?" I ask the nurse.

"Dr. Zafrina will be in shortly. I sent her a text that you were awake. You can ask her when she gets here." She says quickly after jotting down some numbers in my chart.

"Can I see that?" I ask, motioning for the chart.

She grips it tightly, unsure if she should hand it to me or not. I have never worked with her but she knows I am a doctor here and generally speaking when a doctor asks for a chart you hand it over without question. Of course, that doesn't necessarily apply to doctors who are patients!

"Please." I say arching my brow and motioning my free hand in a give me like fashion.

She seems really conflicted and then finally hands it to me, exiting the room quickly. She is probably going to go nark on me to Rosalie. I let go of Edwards hand so I can open it, reading through everything in there. What my vitals were throughout the night. The EMT's report. Geez, they actually wrote apparent suicide attempt. Fuck! Man, I coded in the bus. I must have really been doped up because I don't remember that at all. God! I hope Edward wasn't in there at the time. The ER, oh hell, that's Jake's signature. Double Fuck! God! He better not have said anything to Edward. Huh? AV nodal reentrant tachycardia, that's what they are monitoring? I quickly shift to the page showing the EKG from the machine. Fuck! Not good.

"So, I hear you are giving my nurses a hard time." I hear Rosalie say at the door.

I look up to see her standing at the doorway with her hands on her hips, grinning at me. She must have been here all night, but damn, she still looks beautiful. I close my chart, setting it on my lap and smile at her.

"Nope, I think you have been misinformed." I say softly.

She walks over to me and hugs me gently. Whispering in my ear, "You do that shit again and I will kick your ass."

I look over to her and take a deep breath. "I'm sorry."

She smiles and then snatches the chart from me, going over to the monitor to check the numbers. Damn her! I wasn't done reading it and I know she won't give it to me. I reach for Edwards hand again, looking over to him. He smiles and takes my hand, gently stroking my fingers.

"Dr. Zafrina is on her way. I'll leave you two alone for a few minutes." Rosalie says as she walks out of the room.

He is looking down at my hand, stroking my fingers. I need to talk to him about what happened. Especially after reading what the EMT's wrote. I don't want him thinking that is what I did. Plus, I am concerned that Jake was working yesterday when I came in. I have a sneaking suspicion that he was an asshole.

"Baby?" I say softly.

He looks up at me and smiles.

"You know I didn't try to kill myself, right?"

He nods; "At first, when I got all your messages and then when I got to the house, the ambulance was there and I…" he hesitates, looking down. Shit! Fucking Kate.

"I am so sorry you had to see that. I am sure it was hard. But I swear to you my intent was not to hurt myself. I had a fucked up day, I couldn't reach you, I was fucking seeing and hearing James every damn place, I thought if I had a couple of shots it would help me sleep and I could wake up and would realize that I was just having another messed up dream."

He nods again, bringing my hand to his face. He kisses my hand tenderly, letting out a soft sigh and my heart just melts. God! What he must have went through last night.

"I saw that Jake was working the ER yesterday. Did he say anything to you?" he doesn't need to answer that though because I can tell by his expression that he did. He just kisses my hand again.

"It's not important, Baby. He has a right to his opinion."

"Bullshit! Not if his opinion is meant to hurt you. What did he say?"

"He just blamed me for what happened."

"What!" I am fuming now and Edward can tell.

"Stop it Bella! You're making that machine over there act crazy." He says motioning his head to the heart monitor. "Besides, my dad told him off in the cafeteria and somehow I don't think Jake will EVER say another word to me."

I look at him confused. "Your dad talked to him?" then I smile, "Wait, you talked to your dad?"

"Yes, well, I don't know. Not really, but he was here and he told me he was sorry and that he loved me. Everyone was here to make sure we were okay."

I take a deep breath and nod. I pull him closer as he leans down, kissing me. I open my mouth slightly and he lets out a deep, guttural moan when his tongue enters my mouth. He places his hands on either side of my face as I move my hands into his hair as best as I can with my IV's and heparin lock. We both become completely lost in each other as our kiss becomes more feverish and urgent.

"Ahem." We hear at the door and Edward pulls away from me, out of breath.

"I see you're feeling better." Dr. Zafrina says grinning.

Edward sits down next to me, blushing slightly. He doesn't usually get embarrassed anymore when we get caught making out. It's difficult to take my eyes off of him but I know I need to focus here. I turn away from him to look at her. She is smiling but her eyes express her unstated concern.

"What's the status on the AVNR? Does it appear to be an isolated incident or something I need to be concerned about?" I spout out quickly to her.

"I see someone has been reading their own chart." She says walking to the heart monitor and punching in a few keys.

"Your rates are better this morning but they were inconsistent last night. We have not determined cause of origin but you seem responsive to medication management of your symptoms. We will keep you overnight." I start shaking my head immediately as she starts nodding, "Oh, we will keep you overnight and if you don't behave I will make sure Nurse Hale is on so you can't bully the nurses." She says with a smile.

"I don't bully the nurses. See, this is how my reputation started." I say laughing. God, if Rosalie is on she won't put up with my shit. "Fine, when can I get out of the ICU?"

"They are going to move you in about 20-30 minutes." She turns to Edward. "This might be a good time to grab a cup of coffee or something to eat."

He looks at her with a determined expression. "I'd like to wait until they move her."

I sigh, knowing this is the point where she is going to ask me if I was trying to kill myself, if Edward did anything to make me want to do that, if I am doing "anything" else. I have asked these questions many times to people and you know when it is happening to other people the questions seem pretty legitimate but when it is me and Edward, it is irritating as hell.

I turn to look at him, "Baby, its okay. She needs to ask me questions that she doesn't want to do in your presence." I say watching as his expression shifts.

I reach my hand towards him and touch between his furrowed brows. He watches me for a moment and then sighs, getting up. He kisses me lightly on the forehead, whispering I love you before finally heading out the door. I watch him leave and then turn to Dr. Zafrina.

"I wasn't trying to commit suicide, Edward and I are doing fine and I am not taking any drugs." I state out bluntly.

She smiles as she comes to sit in the chair Edward just vacated. "Isabella, that is good to know." She pauses. "I've requested a mental health evaluation before discharge."

I frown at her. "I don't need one. I've seen Dr. Masen before; can't you just pull her evaluation? Or better yet, I'll talk to her. She knows my history. I won't see anyone else." Geez, did I just admit to seeing a therapist?

This is so fucked up. It's bad enough that the rumor floating around the hospital is probably that hard ass Dr. Swan tried to kill herself, now everyone will know I'm on a mental health hold as well. And God! Who knows what went around the hospital grapevine about the surgery yesterday? I am so screwed.

"I will visit with Dr. Masen and get her feedback." She turns as the nurse from this morning walks in. "I will come to check on you in a few hours."

* * *

><p>The nurse washes me up and preps me to be moved upstairs. When the orderlies come up to get me, I recognize most of them. I just close my eyes. I can't believe I was so stupid. My body is just so damn tired. By the time they get me settled in the room I am already asleep. I sleep most of the day as doctors come in and out to check on me. They are still monitoring my heart but say they are less concerned about it. They also indicate that they are satisfied with my current kidney and liver functions but want to still monitor them until morning. They removed one of my IV's but have the saline drip still attached. No one will let me read my chart which really sucks because I want to know what's in it. Dr. Masen agreed to talk to me in the morning and if I get her approval I will be discharged tomorrow. I can't imagine her saying I need to go to a psych ward. To be honest I am surprised she agreed to do it. I have a feeling Edward may have had something to do with that decision.<p>

Edward has stayed with me most of the day. The only time he left for any length of time was when Jasper and Emmett drug him out for several hours. They must have taken him home because he was freshly showered and had changed clothes when he returned and thank God he brought my toiletry bag along with his. I hope they made him eat as well because I haven't seen him eat anything since I have been awake. I am so glad they are such good friends to him, to us.

The nurse comes in again to check the monitor and take more blood which wakes me up. When she leaves I glance at Edward who has his head on my lap and his arm wrapped around my legs. He is breathing slowly so he must be asleep. I bring my hand into his hair and a soft moan escapes his mouth. He opens his eyes to me and they are dark with want. I suppose that makes sense considering every time I wake him up in the middle of the night it's to have sex. He moves up the bed to kiss me, our tongues dancing with one another until he lets out a soft sigh and pulls away from me.

"I hate not holding you." He whispers against my lips.

"Then come up here with me."

He looks hesitant. "Baby, come on. I need to feel you next to me. Come on this side so it won't interfere with my IV."

He gives me my favorite smile and then crawls into the bed, wrapping his arms around me and sighing deeply. He is behind me so that my IV is accessible and my heparin lock can be reached in the middle of the night. He starts kissing my neck and then slowly unties the bottom tie on my gown. He slips his hand inside and starts running his fingers over my stomach. I am aching for his hand to go up or down but he doesn't. He just continues to run his fingertips along my stomach, breathing into my neck and laying soft kisses on the skin near my ear.

"Touch me Edward, please." I whisper as I try to move my body closer to him. I can feel his erection but can't really touch him like this, not in this position.

"Won't that mess up that heart monitor?" he says close to my ear.

"I don't care." I rasp out, breathing hard. "You don't have to fuck me, but touch me, please."

He slowly moves his hand down over my pussy, resting it there. "How about if I make you come. I want to fuck you baby, really I do, but I don't want that machine to act crazy. They might make you stay longer and I want to take you home tomorrow. Is that okay?"

I nod and he starts moving those long fingers of his up and down my clit and then positions them at my entrance. I move my leg slightly so he has access and he takes full advantage, moving three of his fingers inside me, placing his thumb over my clit as he starts sucking on my neck. I start moaning at the sensation of his fingers and thumb working their magic and the feel of his mouth breathing hotly on my neck. He knows my body so well. Every nuance of it so he can tell he is driving me crazy and that it isn't going to take much to send me over the edge.

"Come on, baby." He rasps out as he starts moving his fingers quickly, pushing down on my clit. He starts sucking on my neck again and my whole body begins to tremble with my release. He pulls me close to him, breathing slowly against me, kissing me softly on the area of my neck that he had been sucking on so intently just a little while ago. He gently pulls his fingers out of me and runs them back up to my waist.

"Let me take care of you." I say as I move my body against the bulge in his pants.

He sighs, "Tomorrow." He says as he tucks the blanket around us. "I love you, Bella."

"I love you too." I whisper back to him as I fall back to sleep, content and happy, knowing that Edward is so close to me.

* * *

><p>I wake for the third time, when the nurse takes my hand to run another blood test on me. Honestly, do we really need to do this every 4 hours when the last few were pretty consistent? Edward hasn't moved from his position all night. His leg is thrown over my legs, his arm is firmly wrapped around my waist and he is snoring into my hair, which actually kind of tickles. But I'm not saying anything. I have a feeling he didn't slept much the other night. I know the morning shift should be starting pretty soon which means more activity in my room. They are probably not going to like that he is in the bed with me but I won't wake him. Screw them! He can sleep as long as he needs to.<p>

Sure enough, within about twenty minutes there are a few nurses in the room. They look at Edward as they start checking my monitors, changing my IV and drawing some more blood. I have to move a little for them to do all this and when I do Edward pulls me tighter to him, mumbling no. I'm not sure if he means no don't move or something else. I don't think he realizes we are in the hospital bed and not at home.

"Dr. Swan…" She hesitates and I know what she is going to say already. "He is going to need to move."

I sigh and then nod, "In a minute." I say as they walk out of my room.

But I still don't wake him. I just start running my fingers along his hand and he immediately moves his hand down, stroking me. Geez, I don't think he is even awake. I close my eyes savoring his slow and sensuous movements. When I hear someone walk into the room I don't even look up. Whoever walks in stops and then walks over to my side of this tiny bed and pulls up a chair. I look up into the grinning face of Dr. Masen.

"How are you feeling today Ms. Swan?" she says softly, trying not to wake her son. I wonder if she notices Edward's hand moving under the covers.

"Better." I whisper.

"I will be back in about 30 minutes. That should give you enough time to wake him. We should talk in private." She says in her trademark gentle and soothing way.

She gets up and walks out, leaving Edward and I alone again. I place my hand over his, stopping his ministrations.

"Baby, you need to wake up."

He hums into my hair, moving his hand again and pushing me back into him so that I can feel him twitching in his pants. Oh God! He is making this difficult for me. I wonder if I could maneuver around this IV? NO! Swan for crying out loud. I sigh again.

"Baby, I need to talk to your mom. If she doesn't say it's okay they can commit me to a psychiatric hospital. The sooner they release the mental health hold the sooner we can go home."

He sighs and moves his hand away from me, kissing me softly on the neck, and then pulling my face to him so he can kiss me. Oh, screw this. I bring my hands into his hair being particularly careful about my heparin lock, deepening the kiss. He starts moaning and I immediately take one of my hands and start stroking him through his jeans. His breathing starts to become erratic as he moves his hand on mine, trying to stop me. I smack his hand away causing him to chuckle against my lips and then he inhales sharply when my hand goes into his pants, stroking him. He lays me on my back, moving my gown up. I guess he has changed his mind about waiting. You won't hear me complain as I continuing working my hand up and down his length. He starts stroking me as he leans close to me, kissing me feverishly. I position him at my entrance and he pulls away from me, rolling on his back and moving me on top of him. I come down hard on him as he arches his hips up meeting my hips. We are both moaning loudly as I pick up my pace, knowing we have to do this quickly. The monitor starts beeping loudly and he stops my hips immediately. Fuck! He pulls me off of him quickly, swallowing hard. Shit! I was cock blocked by a damn heart monitor. Well, that's not something that happens every day. Edward straightens out the blankets and discreetly repositions himself just as the nurse comes in.

"Is everything okay?" she says as she walks in to the room and heads straight to the monitor. She looks over at us and frowns, opening her mouth and then closing it quickly.

He runs his hand through his hair, bringing the gate down on his side so he can jump out of the bed. His hair is just all over the place. It's such a sexy and chaotic mess that I want to immediately yank him back to me so I can move my hands into it again. He snatches up his toiletry bag and heads into the bathroom. I sit up, looking over at the nurse and shrug, as I take the brush off the table near my bed and start brushing my hair out.

"Sorry." I say half-heartedly.

She just stares at me and I know if I wasn't a doctor and Rosalie's best friend she would probably be lecturing me right about now. Instead she just walks out the door mumbling about how doctors make the worst patients. Well, I believe that was established way before I ever became a doctor. When Edward comes back out I can tell he has tried to tame his wild mane but there is no way that is going to happen. He sits down on the bed next to me, smiling.

"Was my mom here earlier? I thought I heard her but I was sleeping so good I wasn't sure if I imagined it."

I grin, "Yes, she was here. She said she would be back in a few minutes. That's why I woke you up."

He nods. "Do you think they will let you have a Starbucks?"

"Oh God! I don't care what they say, bring me one okay." He smiles and kisses me lightly.

He moves the bed up for me and then leans in to kiss me again. Hmm, he is minty. God! His tongue is so sexy. I suck on it and he moans, pulling away from me before I can take it to the next level. He just shakes his head and gives me my favorite smirk.

"I'll be right back." He says getting up.

Within minutes after he walks out his mom walks in. Geez, she was probably just standing out there waiting for him to leave. I wish I had a hair tie so that I can pull my hair back but I don't so I just end up tying it in a loose braid. She glances at me as she sits down and frowns slightly at my neck, before she resumes her normal posture. Hmm, Edward told me she has a thing about hickeys. I must have one. Well, based on how intently Edward was sucking on my neck last night I know I have one.

"So, Ms. Swan. Why don't you tell me what happened?"

Geez, talk about cutting to the chase. "I haven't been sleeping, going on about 3 ½ weeks. I started taking some sleep meds to help but they made things worse. I had a bad day and started drinking and the combination is what got me here."

She arches her brow at me. Shit! "I thought we were past all this game playing, Ms. Swan."

I put my head down, suddenly ashamed. "I don't know what happened." I say honestly.

I look up and she is watching me. She nods her head for me to continue.

"I have been feeling off for a while now. After the thing with Mike I…" I hesitate not sure how to describe what I have been feeling. I can't tell her that I have been hearing and seeing James. I do know that will not bode well for me going home. But at the same time if I don't tell her will it get worse?

"Have you been having nightmares?" she asks, breaking me out of my thoughts.

I nod.

"Even when you are awake?" she asks and I try to stop my head from moving but I nod anyways.

"How often?"

"Every day."

"Isabella… you need to tell me everything that happened." She says forcefully, it's the first time she has really called me Isabella. It feels like I am about to talk to a mom or a friend and not a therapist. And I am filled with the undeniable urge to tell her everything, let the chips fall where they may.

So I proceed to go through my entire day beginning with my nightmare, seeing James, hearing him, not being able to save that girl, not being able to get a hold of Edward, not wanting to drink but not being able to stop, hearing James in the house and finally realizing that I had mixed two things that should never be mixed. She listens patiently to me, nodding and asking for clarification when needed.

"Thank you for being honest." She smiles and touches my hand. "I know that was hard to do."

"So am I crazy?" I ask laughing but really I am serious, because I feel crazy.

"No… You're not crazy but what you described is what we call a psychotic break. It means that at some point in this process you lost touch with what was real and what wasn't. Because you have been suffering from sleep deprivation your brain has not been functioning correctly and that topped with the PTSD flashbacks was a deadly combination."

I frown at her. Shit! Did she just say I had a fucking psychotic break? I am a fucking doctor, I don't have psychotic breaks. What the hell? And wait what does she mean PTSD?

She sighs and continues, "When we sleep our brain takes that time to reboot so to speak. When we dream it's our way of deciphering the events in our world. Sometimes we remember actual events as dreams, sometimes we imagine what could be, sometimes we try to solve complicated issues and sometimes our greatest fears are manifested. When we don't sleep this important process doesn't happen naturally and we start feeling like we are literally going insane. We lose track of what is real and what isn't. It's like we are walking in a perpetual dream state."

I nod. Hell that is exactly how I have felt the past several weeks but especially yesterday.

"Isabella, I am concerned that you won't talk to anyone. What James did to you continues to haunt you. You need to deal with it. It won't just go away on its own and these flashbacks and nightmares will continue to plague you."

"I have Edward. He makes me feel better."

"Well, you can't rely solely on Edward. You two are so connected to one another that it is close to being unhealthy." She says sighing at my expression, "It's good to be close Isabella but if you rely solely on him for comfort and support you are just substituting one addiction for another."

Wait a minute, what the hell is she saying? I blurt out quickly with a slight edge to my voice, "What do you mean? You think I should NOT be relying on Edward."

"No, of course not. I am just saying that you can't rely solely on Edward. It's not healthy for either of you."

I look away from her, angry and frustrated again. I'm not sure how to respond to that. I need him. How can I not rely on him when he is everything to me?

"I am just a bit worried that neither of you are able to function without each other. How do you live an independent life when all that you do is based on the well-being of someone else?" I stare at her, confused as hell, "It's not just you Isabella. It's him as well. He can't seem to think about anything aside from you and your happiness."

She takes a deep breath in and gets up, sitting on my bed.

"I really do believe you are probably the best thing to ever happen to Edward. He is more open and happier than I have ever seen him. He has really come out of his shell. But…"

"But, what?"

"But, what happened to you yesterday was very difficult for him. I shouldn't even talk to you about this." She puts her head down and I can see that she is conflicted but there is no way she isn't telling me.

"Well, it's too late now. What happened yesterday with him?"

"He was mess Isabella. He was a shadow." She looks away from me and I can see that she has tears in her eyes.

"Tell me." I say firmly. I need to know what I am doing to him because I know he won't tell me.

She proceeds to go through what it was like for him. What it was like to watch me code in the ambulance, basically dying in front of him. How he believed all the things that Jake said to him when they got to the hospital, which totally pisses me off. What he looked like when Alice, Jasper and Emmett got here. How he felt that he should have been able to stop everything, the confrontation with Jake in the cafeteria and him staying with me the entire time, except for when they made him sleep in the waiting room. She said he didn't eat, he barely slept, and he couldn't engage with anyone. She explained how worried she and Carlisle had been and as she is telling me everything she is just looking off, tears coming down her perfect cheeks but she doesn't wipe them away. My heart just sinks the more she talks because I know she is talking like a concerned mom, something I don't think my mom ever did for me.

"I'm so sorry, Dr. Masen." I say softly, looking down.

"Please call me Esme." She moves her hand to my face, forcing me to look at her, just like Edward does. "I know that you didn't mean for what happened to happen but unless you start talking to someone, maybe get on an anti-depressant, things will not improve. They will get worse. People survive what you have been through but don't you think it's time that you start living versus merely surviving?"

I know she is right but something keeps holding me back. Maybe it's the uncertainty of happiness; it's something I have never felt before Edward. I just don't know how to do it right. I think a part of me also knows that in spite of what Edward might believe I know I am not good enough for him. I know that he deserves someone without all this baggage. And I know without a doubt that he will never leave me.

"I will try." I say to her but I know I won't. I should end this before I hurt him worse than I already have.

She nods at me. "I will release your hold but you need to follow up with a therapist within the week and I think you should see a psychiatrist as well. The combination of therapy and medication should help you start to feel better."

I nod again but I'm not looking at her anymore. When she walks out I hear her say something to Edward and see her walk towards the nurses' station as Edward walks through the door holding two cups of coffee. He walks to me and I smile as I take my first sip, sighing with pleasure. He sits on the bed next to me.

"How did things go?"

"Fine. She said she will release the hold so hopefully after Dr. Zafrina comes in I can go home."

He smiles and then traces his fingers along my lips. "What's wrong?"

"You worry too much. I just want to go home."

He watches me intently and kisses me softly on my forehead, "Me too."

* * *

><p><strong>AN… hmmm, well this doesn't sound too good to me but we shall see. I suppose this is the time to say breathe in, breathe out… it's going to get a bit rockier before it gets better…**

**Just to update everyone... The story I wrote for the Erotica Challenge took 3rd place (was sooooo not expecting to win anything). It is now posted on my profile page if you didn't get a chance to read it.**

**And let's see... lots of you want to know what Carlisle told Jake... well... I'll think about it...hehehehe, JK... I am going to post an Outtake from Carlisle's POV but there is a little more that needs to happen before I do that. Trust me!**


	35. Ch 34: Sacrifice

**Rating: M- For lemons (lots of them), language and situations. So this means if you're under 16 please be responsible for yourself.**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer is the sole owner of the world of Twilight. I am just having a little harmless fun with her characters.**

**Once again thank you to my amazing Beta's A & C for your guidance, encouragement & support. As always, you girls totally rock my world! There is no picture for this chapter but the new song has been added to the playlist. The song for this chapter is a love song but I don't know it always struck me as very sad. This was one of the first songs I selected when I first started writing TMH. I absolutely love Adele's version which is even sadder than the original because of the intensity of her voice. Of course now every time I hear it I think of this chapter.**

**I am going to apologize for Bella right up front because this chick does some things that don't always make sense to anyone but herself, and in this chapter she's so all over the place *sigh***

* * *

><p>Whenever I'm alone with you<br>You make me feel like I am home again  
>Whenever I'm alone with you<br>You make me feel like I am whole again

Whenever I'm alone with you  
>You make me feel like I am young again<br>Whenever I'm alone with you  
>You make me feel like I am fun again<p>

However far away I will always love you  
>However long I stay I will always love you<br>Whatever words I say I will always love you  
>I will always love you<p>

Whenever I'm alone with you  
>You make me feel like I am free again<br>Whenever I'm alone with you  
>You make me feel like I am clean again<p>

Lovesong by Adele

**Chapter 34: Sacrifice**

Dr. Zafrina released me later in the day and Edward and I were happily lying in bed, snuggled next to one another. We couldn't keep our hands off of each other once we set foot in the apartment and he had made love to me right on the couch. We eventually made it back to the bedroom and made love again. I remember walking into the apartment and being surprised that it was clean. My typical M.O. would have been to trash the place but hell, maybe I didn't. I haven't been able to stop thinking about what Dr. Masen had said in the hospital. It's haunting me, imagining how much pain he was in when I was in the ICU. I never wanted to hurt him but I know that I have. It feels like nothing will ever get better for me and I can't help but wonder if it wouldn't be easier to hurt him a little bit now. Essentially letting him be free to find someone more suitable for him versus me dragging him along this bumpy ass ride I am sure we would be on.

I sigh as my mind starts wandering over the events that occurred leading up to my hospitalization. It's weird that I wasn't able to get a hold of him. I wonder where he was during that long stretch of time?

"Baby?"

"Yeah." He whispers into my hair.

"Where were you the other day? When I couldn't reach you?"

"I was in my thesis meeting."

"But that meeting wasn't until Wednesday."

He lets out a deep breath, causing my hair to tickle my face, "Baby, it was Wednesday. Everything happened on Wednesday. Today is Friday."

I think about that, that can't be right, can it? Was I so out of it that I lost track of a whole day? God, this situation is so fucked up. So that means he has missed another two days of school on my account. It also means that I am going to have to wait until Monday to go back to the hospital and get some clarification about my suspension. Am I still suspended or have they just fired me because of mental instability? I need to talk to Dr. Aro again. I can't believe that fucker made Chief of Staff. I will go in after Edward leaves for school on Monday and straighten this out.

"I'm sorry I let you down. That won't happen again." He says kissing my neck and bringing me out of my discouraging head.

"How exactly are you going to prevent that Edward? You have school; I have work, well I did have work. What are you going to do? Quit school and hang around waiting for your fucked up girlfriend to have another melt down?"

"Well. It sounds bad when you say it like that." He says softly but there is a slight edge to his voice, a hint of anger there.

Oh shit! That _is_ his plan. I turn around quickly so that I can face him and when I do I am met with determined eyes.

"Edward. What are you thinking? And please tell me you haven't done anything yet?"

His expression doesn't change, if anything he becomes more steadfast.

"I won't let you down again. I am done with most of my course work. I can get a leave from school, I have money in my savings account still and I might be able to get access to my trust. If for some reason they won't hire you back at Northwest I can support you."

I am just staring at him. He can't be serious. I am not going to let him "support" me. What the hell, is it like 1950? And, what the fuck is he thinking? You don't quit school when you are almost done. That makes no damn sense. I take a deep breath as I look into his unwavering eyes.

"Edward that's stupid!" Okay, that was probably not the most supportive thing I could have said, but shit.

He frowns, "What exactly is stupid, Bella?" he says escalating his voice. "Is it me wanting to take care of you? Or is it me trying to always be there for you? Or wait, is it me loving you? What? What is stupid?"

I am caught off guard. He has never raised his voice to me. He has never shown any anger or frustration towards me at all and he chooses NOW to do it. Over something that is clearly stupid on his part.

"I won't let you quit school!" I say as I get out of the bed, throwing on my robe and quickly walking out the door. I need to step away from him before I say something I am going to regret.

"Wait! Where are you going?" he says anxiously as he jumps out of the bed following me into the hall.

"Edward. You don't realize how crazy that sounds." I say leaning against the wall in the hallway.

"It's crazy that I want to take care of you?" he says softly, moving in front of me. He rests his forehead against mine and brings his hands against the wall on either side of me. "I love you Bella. I don't want you to ever feel like I am not there for you."

"I can't have you quit school when you are so close to finishing. You have to promise me that you won't do that."

He doesn't say anything right away which doesn't bode well for my confidence that he won't do something stupid. "I promise I won't do anything without talking to you about it. Now will you come back to bed?" He says leaning in to kiss me.

We start kissing against the wall and he picks me up, carrying me back to the bedroom. He places me on the bed and opens my robe, kissing every inch of my torso, then up my thighs working towards my hot center. He moves that talented tongue of his over my clit and then moves to my entrance, teasing me, tracing his tongue along my folds as I arch my hips into him. I feel him grin against me before he moves his tongue inside me and I am lost in the sensations he is creating as he works to bring me to ecstasy.

"Edward, yes." I bring my hands into his hair, pulling on it tightly until I am trembling and shaking.

When I loosen my grip on his hair he moves up and enters me quickly, before my body has a chance to recover from the orgasm he just gave me. He moves to his knees and brings my hips up. He leans his whole body forward forcing into me deeply, thrusting forward vigorously as he brings his mouth to mine. He moves his tongue into my mouth and I can taste myself on him as I start sucking on his tongue. We both start grunting and moaning loudly. Oh, God!

"Oh, baby… you feel so good!" I stutter through our kiss.

He pulls away from my mouth and the sexiest grin crosses over his face. He moves his right knee up, in sort of a runner's stance and then moves his hand underneath me, lifting me up as he pushes into me quickly. Holy shit! My whole body is shuddering every time he enters me and the sounds he is making are sending me into sensory fucking overload.

"Oh Fuck, Edward… Fuuucccckkk" I scream out.

He starts pushing into me faster and faster. He is so deep, my head starts spinning as I arch up to him, meeting him thrust for thrust. We are both dripping with sweat and the position is actually starting to hurt a little bit but fuck, it feels so damn good.

"Bella… Oh, God!" he pants, "Come for me."

I can't hold off any longer, his sweet and sensuous voice sends me over the edge and we both cum together loudly, screaming and panting and moaning for the whole world to hear. When we come down from our orgasmic high we collapse onto the bed, out of breath and completely exhausted, holding each other as we fall into blissful unawareness as sleep takes us.

* * *

><p>The rest of the weekend we mostly stayed in bed, making love as much as possible. I tried to talk to him more about the school issue but he just gave me vague answers and then would distract me. It is an odd sort of experience because usually it's me that distracts him when I don't want to address something. I guess he is picking up some of my bad habits. Well, we are definitely talking about this when he gets home today.<p>

He comes out of the bathroom, his hair dripping wet, looking absolutely edible. He walks over to me, kissing me lightly before grabbing a cup of coffee. We have just fallen right back into our normal routine. Like nothing ever happened, like I didn't just spend two days in the hospital for OD'ing on Trazedone and whiskey. He sits across from me and smiles that panty dropping grin, the one that makes me forget my name and for the life of me I can't remember what my existence was like before he walked into that Starbucks three months ago.

"Are you nervous?" he asks, bringing me out of my thoughts.

"Um, not really. Either he says I am no longer suspended and can come back to work or he says I am fired. I just want to know where I stand with everything." I say trying to hide the fear I feel about heading into the hospital today.

"Well, I have already told you that if they fire you I can support you. You don't have to work." He says casually as he takes a sip of his coffee.

"Well, as charming as you are Mr. Cullen. I don't need you or anyone else "supporting" me. I can take care of myself thank you very much." I can't believe he still wants to go there with me. He knows it just pisses me off.

He looks at me and then frowns. "I don't understand why you are being so stubborn about this?"

"I'm not being stubborn. I don't understand why you don't get my perspective on this." I say exasperated, "I would think that Dr. Masen's son would understand that a woman doesn't need a man to take care of her." I say arching my brow at him.

"I think my mom would say that a woman needs to know when she needs help and accept it when offered."

I stare at him. God! We are getting nowhere on this. I just sigh and take another sip of my coffee, not saying anything else. I don't want to fight with him about this anymore.

"Are you sure you don't want me to come with you?" he says displaying his evident concern.

I sigh, "No, baby. I want you to go to school. I can handle whatever happens today."

He nods and then gets up walking over to me, pulling me into his arms. "I love you. Please tell me you will call me if you need me."

I smile, "I will. You better head out or you are going to be late."

He smiles as he grabs his backpack and leaves me sitting at the counter. I sigh and proceed to get ready to go to the hospital and face whatever it is that awaits me there.

* * *

><p>The chief of staff and I are not always on the best of terms. I don't always play nicely in the sandbox and generally speaking I have minimal to no tolerance for idiocy. In addition, surgery tends to be a male dominated specialty so I have always dealt with that in my trademark bitch fashion. Needless to say I have had some complaints levied against me by assholes who can't handle a woman being in charge.<p>

It wasn't so bad before Dr. Aro took over five weeks ago. That asshole still has it in for me because of the surgery incident when I first started. The way he acted towards me a few days ago doesn't bode well for being reinstated but we shall see. As I pull up to the hospital I see Jakes car and my blood immediately starts to boil. Oh, he and I will definitely have words before I leave today. Probably more than just words!

I take a deep breath and walk into the hospital. I hear the mumblings but try to ignore it. Fuck! Even if I am not suspended I don't know if I can work here anymore. I jump in the elevator and head to Dr. Aro's office, not looking forward to what I am sure will be a confrontation. When I step inside his office he is sitting at his desk. He looks up at me and grins. This is not going to be good.

"Sit down, Dr. Swan."

I do as he says and sit in the chair in front of his massive desk. Geez, compensate much. I take a deep breath and figure I will just get this over with.

"I need to know the status of my suspension."

He brings his fingers to his chin, forming a triangle and I swear he looks like the fucking Grinch or something.

"Well… All things considered, I think it is probably best if we look at something more indefinite. At least until I can be sure you are mentally stable enough to continue working here."

I just glare at him which elicits a wicked smile on his face. He knows he has control of me and this situation, something he didn't two years ago and I can tell he plans on working that to his advantage.

"Unless of course," He leans back in his chair slightly, bringing his fingers down on the desk, "You can think of a way to convince me to change my mind."

Yeah, that is so not happening asshole. There still isn't enough Jack in Seattle to make me want to fuck you. I can't say that though, so I stand up and walk around his desk. He swivels his chair so that he is facing me and I lean in to him like I am going to kiss him.

"I quit you fucking asshole!" then I push him back in his chair and turn to leave.

"You'll regret that Dr. Swan." He hisses out to me.

"Don't care, it was worth it." I say as I walk out the door.

I don't keep anything here so I don't need to pick up any personal belongings before leaving so I head to the elevator, contemplating my next move. Well, since I am no longer working here I think it is time to pay a little visit to Jake. I have nothing to lose now.

I head into the ER and ask the nurse at the station where I can find Dr. Black. She tells me he is in the staff lounge. I smile as I head over there. When I open the door there are a few people in there. There is another doctor getting coffee and a nurse reading in one of the other chairs. Jake looks up from the TV and smiles at me.

"Hey Bella. You look good." He says getting up to walk over to me.

As he gets closer he reaches out to me, pulling me into his arms. Asshole! I punch him as hard as I can in his side and then push him away from me, kicking him in the groin, causing him to fall onto the arm of the couch. Shit! I should have done that to Mike. Well, I know Jakes strength and know I have to disable him before I yell at him. Mike just came across as such a weak asshole. I mean seriously he can't fuck why would I think he could fight? Yeah, another in the great line of mistakes I have made in my life.

"Fuck Bella… What the hell is wrong with you?" he rasps out through labored breaths.

"You're what's wrong with me. What the hell Jake? How dare you treat Edward the way you did? I should have him report you to the medical board."

"Fuck you, Bella." He says trying to catch his breath, "Besides, his daddy already talked to me since he wasn't man enough to fight his own battles. Real winner you picked there Bella."

I walk over to him and slap him across the face. "Fuck you, Jake. He is more man than you will EVER be."

He just stares at me, "Damn it Bella. You're fucking crazy!"

I grin at him and pull my phone out. Oh, he'll see how damn crazy I am. He has messed with the wrong girl. I warned him not to fuck with Edward again. When she answers I smile at him.

"Hey Leah."

The panic on his face is evident as he tries to get up to snatch the phone from me. I back up and he falls, still not fully recovered from my groin kick.

"Yeah, this is Bella."

He is shaking his head vigorously as I smile, stepping further away from him.

"No, Jake is fine." For now at least.

"So tell me Leah, have you and Jake set a wedding date yet?"

"No." I repeat as I look at Jake, shaking my head and moving my finger in a tsk, tsk manner.

"She won't believe anything you say, Bella."

I put my hand over the phone and smile, "Oh… yes… she… will." I say slowly, mocking him.

Everyone has already scattered out of the room so when the door opens I am surprised to see Rosalie standing there. She looks between Jake and me trying to assess the situation and how she should respond. I lift my finger to my mouth indicating for her not to say anything.

"Yeah, I'm still here Leah. Look this has been weighing on my mind for a long time now. I just feel horribly guilty." I say sitting in the chair watching as Jake puts his head down.

"God! I just hate to be the one to tell you but I need you to know. I can't hide this from you any longer. It's eating me up inside" I smile as Jake looks up at me and I make a gagging motion with my finger towards my mouth. "Jake and I have been having an affair for the past two years. I have found someone else and now realize just how wrong it was for us to do what we did. I really need to come clean."

I hesitate, glancing at Jake again who is shaking his head. I smile as I cross my legs and lean back in the chair. Oh, I am really enjoying this. It's his fault. I warned him.

"I know this must hurt but I just need to be honest with you and to apologize for my part in it."

Jake has tears in his eyes now and I am not sure if it is because he is hurting physically or emotionally. But in reality I don't give a shit! He wasn't concerned when he made Edward feel like shit! Payback is a bitch mother fucker and her name is Bella.

"No, No. I haven't seen him for about 3 months now. Uh, huh, Uh, huh" I listen to her express her concerns and anger at what Jake did. Oh, he is really in for it when he gets home. Finally I smile again at Jake's misery and interrupt her ramblings, "Look Leah, I really have to go but please, please forgive me." Nominee for best actress is…Isabella Swan, playing the part of the vindictive bitch in a hospital drama.

"Of course, Leah, of course. Thank you so much. It means everything that you could be such a forgiving person, Jake really doesn't deserve you. Goodbye."

I hang up and then stand, walking over to Jake. I grab his hair pushing his head back up so he has to look at me. He is defeated. I can see it in his eyes. I grip his hair tightly.

"I told you not to fuck with me or Edward again. I told you I would fuck you up. You should have known me well enough to have heeded that warning. Now, look at you." I push him back, "You have nothing Jake. She forgave me. Did you hear that? She forgave me. But you, hmm, not so sure."

"I hate you." He whispers.

"Yeah, well join the damn club. I think they have shirts." I say, walking away from him. I stop and turn to look at him again. "By the way, Leah wants you to call her." I say grinning as he brings his hands to his face, running them up and down as if he could wash away what just happened.

Rosalie is still at the door trying hard not to laugh. She grabs my arm and jerks me out of the break room.

"Oh my God! Bella, what the hell happened?" she whispers frantically at me.

"Payback, for what he did to Edward." I say smiling and then I frown. "I quit Rosalie."

She steps back stunned. "You WHAT?"

"I quit." I take a deep breath. "I went in to see Dr. Aro. He put me on an indefinite suspension unless I could convince him otherwise, so I quit."

She is staring at me in shock. "What are you going to do?" she whispers.

I shrug. "I don't know yet. We'll see. I am going to head home. I'll call you later."

* * *

><p>When I pull up to my house there is a strange car out front. Hmm, I don't recognize it but it's nice. As I step out of my car the back door opens and out steps Mr. Cullen. Oh great! Now what did I do? He walks over to meet me and he looks upset.<p>

"Mr. Cullen. This is a surprise. Edward isn't here. He's at school."

"I'm not here to see Edward. I'm here to see you. May I come in?" he says urgently.

I sigh. Fuck, why the hell not? This day has already been a disaster; why not make it a catastrophe. I open my door and motion for him to join me.

"Can I get you anything?"

"No. I'm fine." He says sitting on the couch but he sure doesn't look fine. His brows are furrowed and he has a distraught look on his face. God! He and Edward share that same expression.

"What's going on Mr. Cullen? Is there something wrong with Edward?"

"Edward came to see me this morning." He says with anger in his voice.

"He did?" Well, that's unexpected. Why would he do that? He had classes this morning.

"Why?" I ask to his now defeated face. Geez, what is it about today. Maybe I should have stayed in bed.

"He wanted to know how to access his trust fund. He told me he is going to take some time away from school. That you needed him and he would finish next year." He says clearly upset.

I start shaking my head, "No, No, No, No, No, No! He and I discussed this already. He knows how I feel about him quitting school." I say nearly as upset as Mr. Cullen.

"You need to talk to him. He can't quit school. He is almost done. You told me you would make sure he finished school. You said you would take care of him." He says quickly, with panic clearly evident in his voice.

This is a side of Mr. Cullen I haven't seen before. That calm coolness, ordering everyone around, making people fear him is gone. He's just a father, afraid his son is throwing his life away and not knowing what to do to stop it. I knew this would happen. I knew I would take him down with me and once he finds out I am not working he will be even more insistent than ever about quitting to "take care of" me.

Shit! What am I going to do? I look over at Mr. Cullen and he is sitting on the couch with his hands in his hair. God! Is that a family trait? He looks so sad and confused and… afraid. I know that it was hard for him to come here. God! What would my dad have done? Would he have behaved the same way as Mr. Cullen if the situations were reversed? Would he be begging my boyfriend to talk some sense into me so that I didn't drop out? I close my eyes knowing what I need to do but questioning whether I have the strength to do it or not.

"I'll take care of it." I say firmly.

He looks over at me, "You'll talk to him?" he says with pleading eyes.

"I'll take care of it. I won't let him quit school. I'll make sure he gets back on track."

He lets out a deep breath, "I knew it was a good idea to see you. Esme didn't think I should but I knew you'd understand. I knew you would take care of him. I know how much you love him. I can see that. I never should have doubted it. I was so wrong about you Isabella and for that I am truly sorry." He says standing up.

I breathe in deeply as tears form in my eyes. "Thank you Mr. Cullen. I do love him, more than anything."

He nods, "I better get back to the office. I have a meeting to get back to."

I smile as he walks over to me, placing his hand on my shoulder, "Thank you Isabella, I feel so much better now. If anyone can talk some sense into him, it's you."

And with that he walks out the door, smiling, looking like the confident man I met a while back. I wipe the tears from my eyes and pull out some paper in my desk. I can't do what I need to do today. I will need to wait until tomorrow morning. But I will lay some ground work right now before he comes home.

* * *

><p>I am making dinner for us when he comes in. I try to cook early because he never eats at school. He immediately walks over to me and wraps his arms around my waist, kissing me softly along my neck. My breathing hitches at his gentle touch.<p>

"How did things go today?" he whispers, his stubble tickling me and sending shivers across my skin.

"It went well. And you… how was your day?" I ask softly, trying to maintain my poker face.

"Um. It was interesting." He says leaning back against the counter.

"Can you set the table? Dinner is almost ready?"

He doesn't say anything for a minute, "Sure. Is everything alright?"

"Of course. I told you before, you worry too much."

He watches me for a moment and then proceeds to set the table. I feel his eyes on me even though I am not looking at him. I can feel his worry. He knows something isn't right but I don't think he comprehends just how wrong it really is. As we sit down to eat I try to wrap my head around what it is I am doing. Not a 100% sure I can actually follow through with my plan.

"I saw my dad today." He says as I move the food around my plate.

I nod, not looking up at him, "For what?" I say to my food.

"I asked how I could get access to my trust." He says softly. I am sure he is waiting for my argument but it doesn't come. I am not going to fight with him. "He said he would see what he can do. I just thought it would be good to find out. You know, just in case."

I sigh, "It's not necessary. You don't need to worry about taking care of me anymore."

"They hired you back?"

"Baby, can we not talk about it." I say as I put my fork down, suddenly not very hungry at all. "I don't feel good. I think I am going to lie down." I say as I get up from the table, setting my plate on the counter.

I walk into the bedroom, taking my jeans off as I lay on the bed. I need to gather my thoughts together. He walks in a few minutes later and pulls his shirt off then slips into the bed behind me. He doesn't say anything; he just pulls me into his arms, breathing softly into my hair. I can feel tears in my eyes and I know I need to tread carefully here.

"Is everything alright?" he asks concerned.

"It will be." I mumble to myself.

"Edward?" I swallow hard, "You know that I love you right?"

"Of course." His voice is somewhat shaky, making me nervous.

"So you know there isn't anything I wouldn't do for you, right?"

"Yeah, why?"

"I just wanted to make sure that no matter what happens you know that I have loved you from the day we met. No one has ever cared about me the way you have. No one has ever loved me the way you have. I was nothing without you and I will be nothing if we are ever a part." I say fighting back the tears.

"Baby, what's going on?" he says as he moves me so that I am lying on my back.

"Nothing… Just kiss me, please." I reach for him, pulling him close to me, wanting desperately to feel his lips on mine.

"I love you, so much." I say with tears in my eyes.

He is breathing hard now, "I love you too, baby. What happened today?"

"Edward, I…" I close my eyes, I can't look at him. I take a few slow breaths in and then open my eyes again. He is staring at me with such fear and worry that I am momentarily startled by it.

"I will be able to explain better tomorrow okay. Tonight…" I hesitate, taking another breath, "Tonight, I just want to make love to you. I want to feel you close to me. I want to fall asleep in your arms and wake up with you wrapped around me."

He watches as tears fall down my cheeks. "You'll talk to me about it tomorrow?"

My heart sinks into my stomach and I nod, "You'll understand tomorrow. Please, Edward. Kiss me." I beg.

He brings his mouth to me and I cry against him. I move my fingers all along his back, feeling his back loosen and shift under my touch. I gently bring my fingers around the waistband of his jeans, unbuttoning them slowly. He stops kissing me, taking the hem of my shirt and lifting it up and off. I wiggle out of my panties as he slips his jeans and boxers off, tossing them on the floor.

"I love you" I whisper as I push him on his back, straddling him, "I will always love you."

"I love you too." He says as I feel his length enter me.

He closes his eyes and his mouth parts slightly as soft moans slip through his lips. I know that nothing will ever compare to making love to him. I know that I will never feel this way again, I will never know love again. This I am certain of. I gradually move my hands down his chest, memorizing ever inch of his glorious body, committing to my brain forever every beautiful sound that escapes his luscious mouth and every delicious sensation my body feels whenever he is inside of me.

He opens his eyes and they are sad, I am making him that way. I can't do that anymore. He is perfect. Not just physically but emotionally and intellectually. I can't be the one who brings this sadness out of him. He watches me moving up and down, his breathing is erratic and I can feel his heart beating fast under my fingertips. He gets a determined look on his face as he sits up slowly, pulling me close to him, kissing me with such passion that I have second thoughts about what I am about to do. But for once in my life I need to do something that doesn't benefit me. I need to do this for him. I love him with all my heart and soul, he is my world and for the first time in my fucked up life I know what love is. And I have come to the stark realization that love sometimes requires sacrifice and that if you truly love someone you will make that sacrifice willingly. It's time for me to ante up.

"I love you Edward." I say as our bodies move in a slow rhythm with one another, sensing that our time is short but wanting it to last a lifetime.

* * *

><p>"I think I am going to stay home today." He says as we sit at the counter drinking coffee.<p>

"You can't Edward. You have classes. You have missed too much time already because of me. Besides I have things to do today."

"And, we'll talk when I get home?" he asks as he takes a deep breath.

I offer him a small smile. Not wanting to say too much.

"You're not mad at me are you?" when I look at him quizzically he clarifies, "For going to see my dad yesterday."

I sigh, "You did what you thought was right?"

"But you don't think it was?" He has a panicked look on his face.

I motion for him to come to me. "I love you Edward."

I kiss him again moving my hands into his hair so that I can deepen our kiss. I can't seem to separate from him. When we finally break away from our kiss I hold him tightly to me, whispering I love you over and over again. He needs to know this. And I need to know that without a doubt my love for him is true. He looks at me and takes a deep breath before getting up and grabbing his backpack. He leans over to kiss me gently and once again I deepen the kiss. After several minutes he pulls away from me slightly.

"I'll see you later?" He says against my lips.

"I love you."

He smiles, "I love you too." He says as he kisses me softly on the lips again and walks out the door.

The minute the doors close I am overcome with sadness and despair. I drop to the floor, sobbing uncontrollable tears. I never thought I could feel this amount of pain and sorrow. This is worse than all the times I was beaten, worse than when I realized my mom didn't love me, worse than what I felt when my dad died, and ten times worse than what I felt after meeting his parents. Now I understand why people kill themselves. I get it now. I could do it. But I won't because I deserve to live and feel this pain for the rest of my life. Killing myself would be the easy way out for me. I don't deserve that. I deserve to suffer.

I close my eyes for a few minutes, numbing myself from the pain and then stand up, walking back to our bedroom, grabbing my bag out of the closet. I pack my clothes quickly, snatching my toiletry bag from the bathroom. I stare at the pictures on the wall for a long time and finally just grab the one of him from the shore placing it carefully in my bag. I shouldn't bring it but I need something to tell me that he was real, that I didn't just imagine him and the way he made me feel. I need to know that what I lost existed in the first place, a reminder that I was unworthy of him. I bring my bag into the living room and pick up my scrabble game, the picture of my dad and I and _The Departed_. I left instructions for Rosalie for everything else. I had checked her schedule yesterday so I know she won't be in until late afternoon so I will be able to drop off her letter without any complications.

I stand at the door looking around. Everywhere is Edward and I. I can see him picking his two pictures, the way his brow furrowed when he contemplated his decision. I can see him holding me close on the couch, I can hear his laugh at the unusual words I came up with during our scrabble match and I can see him making love to me. We have made love everywhere in this apartment and I feel him _everywhere_. Tears start to fall down my cheeks and I quickly wipe them away. I take a deep breath and look around one last time. This is Edward, this is home.

"Goodbye baby." I say softly as I turn around, locking the door behind me.

* * *

><p>I have already been to the bank to clear out my account and have just come from the hospital. Of course the hospital was a little more complicated than I had initially anticipated after my incident with Jake yesterday. Security actually escorted me out. But I was able to leave the envelope for Rosalie. She is going to be really angry with me. I just hope she forgives me at some point. She is truly one of the best people I know.<p>

I am sitting in front of Dr. Masen's office building. This is the part I was dreading the most. I take a deep breath, looking at the envelope on the seat next to me. This is it! I get out of my car and head upstairs. I checked her schedule yesterday and know she doesn't have a client this hour. She has this hour for administrative stuff. That is more than enough time. I enter her office and smile at her receptionist.

"I need a few minutes of Dr. Masen's time. Can you tell her Isabella Swan is here to see her?"

She smiles and calls her while I have a seat in one of her chairs. All those times I sat in these chairs, dreading seeing her and it turned out that she was one of the few people to actually know me and not look down afterwards. I am looking at the floor, my head between my legs, praying that I can do this without breaking down, when she walks in I know that prayer is futile.

"Isabella, what a pleasant surprise." She says until she sees my expression and she shifts immediately into psychologist mode, "Come on back."

The minute I step into her office I am flooded with so many memories. So few people in my life have ever gotten close to me but she did. I remember Edward saying she defended me when his dad was so angry. It was the first time anyone ever really stood up for me. I walk to the window immediately, trying to get my bearings as I look outside.

"What's going on Isabella?" she says with concern. Geez, I am no longer Ms. Swan to her. I am Isabella. She doesn't see me as a patient anymore. I feel tears coming down my cheeks but I don't wipe them away. Why bother?

"I'm leaving." I say to the window.

"What do you mean?" She queries, "You are leaving or you and Edward are leaving?"

I take a steady breath, wiping my tears as I turn around to face her trying desperately to hold on to the mask of indifference I have on my face right now.

"I'm leaving." I say decisively.

"I see. How does Edward feel about that?" She says it calmly but I can hear the panic in her voice.

"He doesn't know I have left." Hold it together Swan. You are almost done.

"You're not saying goodbye to him?" she says and I can see that her breathing has changed. She gets up and walks over to me quickly. "What happened?" she says, placing her hand on my shoulder.

"I'm what happened. This isn't about him it's about me being too fucked up for him. I can already see that he is blinded by me. So much so that he is putting my needs before his. He can't have a future with me. I know you see it as well."

She is just shaking her head; her eyes are moist and it looks like she's about to cry, as she squeezes on my shoulder. I step back from her. I can't have her touch me. It's too personal. I won't be able to do this if she does.

"Yes, you do. You said it yourself. Our relationship is unhealthy." I need to be resolute here.

"I…I didn't say that Isabella." I see tears forming in her eyes, "Please, don't do this."

"You know as well as I do that I'm not good for him. He's prepared to quit school and ride me off into some delusional sunset that you and I both know does not exist. I can't be responsible for that. I can't." I say indignant, getting my strength back.

"There has to be another way. Let's just talk this through." She says desperately.

I shake my head and hand her the envelope. She looks at it with a confused expression on her face. "What's this?"

"I wrote him a letter. I tried to explain why this is necessary but I need you to give it to him. I don't want him to be alone when he reads it. I trust you. I know you will take care of him. You will be able to help him see that this is a good thing. That he can now be free of all my drama, all my craziness, and he can be with someone worthy of his love. You can help him." I say determinedly but my voice does start to break by the end. I need to finish this before I can't make it out of here.

She is just staring at the envelope, shaking her head. "Please don't make me do this. I won't"

"I'm leaving whether you do it or not. The question is whether he will be alone when he finds out or whether he will have support around him. Please, I'm begging you, don't let him be alone when he finds out I'm gone."

"Please Isabella. You need to rethink this." She pleads.

"No, I have thought this through. It's the right thing to do. He won't think so right now but it is." I say softly, my willpower waning.

"I thought you loved him?" she barely whispers.

My calm mask shifts and I start crying, "You think this is easy?" I shout through my sobs. "This is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. You think I don't recognize that the only person who will ever love me is Edward. That I will never love again. Do you think I don't know that my life is meaningless now? That there is no point to my existence!"

I close my eyes and slide down the glass window, crying anguished tears, my sobs echoing in the room. I know that my life is over; that there is nothing good in it. I thought she would understand. I can hear her talking near me but I can't make out what she is saying. It is all white noise. I know what I need to do, one final thing. I take the bracelet off my wrist and hand it to her.

Now she starts crying. "Oh God! No, Isabella, No. Please... Oh God! No. Please don't do this."

She snatches my hand back and puts the bracelet inside it, gripping my hand tightly around it.

"I can't bring that to him. It will kill him. Do you understand that, it will kill him." She is talking quickly and crying uncontrollably. "Please you need to keep it. Please, Isabella. I can't… I…"

I stare at her and nod, slipping the bracelet in my pocket. My heart and head are aching. I can feel the numbness creeping over me. I wipe my eyes and stand up, taking several deep breaths in and out.

"Thank you Dr. Masen. I will never forget what you have done for me. That you never judged me even when you found out I was in love with your son."

"Isabella… Please, stay, let's talk about this." She puts her head down, "You are going to destroy him."

"I'm setting him free." I say holding back tears.

I start walking to the door and stop with my hand on the knob, turning around. She is standing by the window. She is looking down but I can tell that her makeup is smeared on her face. She is gripping the letter in her hand over her heart and breathing hard.

"Can you tell Mr. Cullen something for me?" I say as she looks up at me and nods, "Can you tell him that I loved Edward enough to leave?"

Now it's her turn to slide down the window. I hear her sobbing as I walk out the door. I run to my car as quickly as I can, slamming the door, throwing my head against the back of my seat, trying desperately to get a hold of the pain I am feeling inside. The flood of tears I tried so hard to hold back is now coming full force as I turn my car on. I shut my phone off and peel out of the parking lot faster than is safe. I don't know where I am going but I don't really care. My life, my heart, my soul is now behind me. I am nothing.

* * *

><p><strong>AN… *wipes tears from eyes* I have no witty response for this chapter. I know a lot of you saw this coming but it doesn't make it hurt any less does it? Next, chapter will be EPOV.**


	36. Ch 35: Aftermath

**Rating: M- For lemons (lots of them), language and situations. So this means if you're under 16 please be responsible for yourself.**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer is the sole owner of the world of Twilight. I am just having a little harmless fun with her characters.**

**Happy Halloween everyone!**

**Once again thank you to my amazing Beta's A & C for your guidance, encouragement & support. You know how hard it was for me to write this chapter so thanks a bunch for being there. Once again there are no pictures for the chapter but the new song has been added to the playlist. I waffled a bit on the song choice. I had one picked for a long time, it's the song I envisioned for this chapter and then the Bruno Mars song came out and it fit really well also. But in the end I went with my original choice which is a song ****by ****Michael Bublé****.**** This song sort of epitomized for me what was going on in Edward's head, the sadness, the confusion and the undying need to be with Bella at any cost. **

**Now, I know last chapter was difficult. I am not going to sugar coat things. This one is hard! Hankie alert.**

* * *

><p>I can't believe it's over, I watched the whole thing fall<br>And I never saw the writing that was on the wall  
>If I'd only knew, the days were slipping past<br>That the good things never last, that you were crying

Summer turned to winter and the snow it turned to rain  
>And the rain turned into tears upon your face<br>I hardly recognize the girl you are today  
>And God I hope it's not too late<p>

Cause you are not alone, I'm always there with you  
>And we'll get lost together till the light comes pouring through<br>Cause when you feel like you're done  
>And the darkness has won, babe, you're not lost<br>When you're world is crashing down  
>And you can't bear the cross<br>I said, babe, you're not lost.

Life can show no mercy, it can tear you're soul apart  
>It can make you feel like you're gone crazy but you're not<br>Things have seemed to change but there's one thing that's still the same  
>In my heart you have remained and we can fly, fly, fly away<p>

Cause you are not alone, And I am there with you and we'll get lost together

Lost by Michael Bublé

**Chapter 35: Aftermath**

EPOV

"I think I am going to stay home today." I say to her.

"You can't Edward. You have classes. You have missed too much time already because of me. Besides, I have things to do today." She isn't looking at me. Something is wrong.

"And we'll talk when I get home?" I ask, breathing in deeply.

She smiles but doesn't answer me. This doesn't feel right. My stomach is fluttering as my nerves take hold of my brain and body.

"You're not mad at me are you?" I ask but she looks confused by that question, "For going to see my dad yesterday."

She lets out a soft sigh and my stomach does somersaults, "You did what you thought was right?" she says softly.

"But you don't think it was?"

I knew the minute I walked into Dad's office yesterday that it was a mistake but I needed to know. Just in case. I mean we have never really talked about money or what her expenses are. I don't know if she has student loans or car payments or anything. I just don't want her to think that she needs to move or anything. She must sense my panic because she motions for me to come to her.

"I love you, Edward." She whispers softly.

She kisses me, moving her hands into my hair and I am lost. When we finally break away from each other she holds me tightly just whispering that she loves me, over and over again. She is really scaring me now. She has been acting unusual since I got home yesterday. It almost feels like she is saying goodbye but the minute that thought crosses my mind I push it away. Something happened yesterday and if she doesn't tell me tonight I will check with Rosalie and hope that she will tell me.

I look at her and take a deep breath before getting up and grabbing my backpack. I lean in to kiss her goodbye and she immediately deepens it again. After several minutes I pull away from her slightly.

"I'll see you later?" I whisper against her lips.

"I love you."

I smile, "I love you too."

I kiss her again softly before heading out the door. I stop once I'm outside and just lean against the door. It's like I can't move from this spot. I take a few steadying breaths and push off of the door, walking slowly to my Jag. As I get inside I turn and stare at the door, debating whether I should just go back in and make her tell me what's going on. But I know I can't do that, she would just get flustered about it. I close my eyes for a few seconds and then start the car.

* * *

><p>"Edward!" Eric says, nudging me and motioning to the front of the class.<p>

I look up to notice half the class looking at me and Dr. Cross standing before me, tapping his foot in dramatic fashion. I sigh and then glance at Eric's page, noticing I am several pages behind everyone.

"Mr. Cullen, do you care to join us today?" Dr. Cross says sardonically.

"I'm sorry Dr. Cross. I…"

"I'm not sure how you expect to pass this class if you are not here. You already missed several classes and you haven't been present today either. Do you believe that you can just skate through my class Mr. Cullen? Does my class not warrant your full attention?"

I swallow and take a deep breath. "I apologize, Dr. Cross."

"I should think so. Now kindly compare and contrast the poetry of the New Formalist School and the Language School providing two examples of each."

I stare at him as I hear a collective gasp in the class. This wasn't on the review sheet. He's punishing me for not paying attention to him. When I don't answer right away he lets out a melodramatic breath, waving his hands through the air in an exaggerated fashion.

"Maybe you should focus on your schooling versus your personal life Mr. Cullen."

He turns around and walks back towards the lectern. God, he's such a pompous bastard. I clear my throat.

"Poets of the Language School see themselves as extensions of the Modernist and Objectivist traditions that were dominant in the 1930's. Their poetry is more fragmented, they are more abstract, lyrical and sometimes comical. The work of Ron Silliman and Bob Perelman illustrate this style quite well. Whereas, the New Formalist see themselves as bringing back the traditional forms of rhyme and meter. They like to claim that they are the new _avant-garde_ but it's too early to know that. Examples include Brad Leithauser and Molly Peacock. Personally I like the more abstract style but I can see the benefit of keeping some of the traditions of the older poetic style."

Dr. Cross stares at me open mouthed. There, take that asshole. If you were more observant then you would have known that I spent the last year studying American poets from the 1900's to present day.

"Thank you Mr. Cullen." He finally says, frowning and looking away.

I smirk at Eric who is grinning like a Cheshire cat as he high fives me. I get several more smiles and thumbs up as Dr. Cross drones on. I pull my phone out and send Bella a quick text.

*****Hey Baby, I just laid into a teacher. It was great. I'll tell you about it when I get home. I Love You, E*****

"Hey E… How's Bella doing?" Eric says as we walk out of class.

"Um, she's better." I say, hoping to God that's true.

"That's cool. I know you were really worried about her. And, hey, don't listen to Dr. Cross about passing his class. He's just being an ass cause he knows you are already smarter than he is and could teach his class a hell of a lot better than he ever could." He says slapping me on my shoulder.

"Yeah. Thanks. I'll see you tomorrow."

"No problem. Tell Bella I said hi."

"I will." I say walking away.

I rush to my Jag. I need to get home. I don't care if I have another class. Bella didn't return any of my texts which is unusual and she isn't answering her phone. I mean I know I shouldn't be paranoid but everything has felt so off all day. Something is wrong. When I pull up to her house I don't see her car out front. That's weird. I get out and try to open the door but it's locked. I frown. Where is she? I pull out my phone trying to reach her again. Shit! Still no answer. Well, I will go wait at the house until she gets home.

* * *

><p>"Damn… Hey Jazz, look who decided to grace us with his presence? He looks like our buddy E but I don't know." Emmett says laughing.<p>

"HaHaHa… I do still live here." I say with a smile, well technically I do but I am never here.

"What, Bella not home?" Emmett's laugh is so infectious that I can't help but chuckle along with him.

"Nope." I say going to the fridge to grab a drink.

"How's Bella doing E?" Jasper says, coming into the kitchen and leaning against the counter behind me.

I turn to look at him and shrug. "I don't know. Something is off."

"Really?" he looks concerned.

"Yeah, she's acting kind of weird but she said we would talk about it today."

When the knock comes we all look at each other. Emmett shrugs and gets up to go answer the door.

"Hey, Mrs. C. What's up?" Emmett booms.

Why is my mom here? "I need to talk to Edward." I hear her say.

I walk out of the kitchen and look at her. God! She looks awful. She appears to have been crying. Her eyes are puffy and red. She is wearing jeans and a t-shirt. I know she didn't wear that to work. She must have gone home. But why would she do that?

"What's going on mom? Is dad okay?" my nerves are already shot because of Bella. I don't think I could handle something being wrong with dad as well.

She takes a deep breath. "Bella came to see me today."

I smile. Wow, that's great. She really needs to talk to someone. But my smile is short lived when I see the expression on her face. My mom pulls an envelope out of her purse and immediately my heart starts beating faster.

"What's that?"

"She wanted me to give this to you." Her chest is moving up and down quickly and I see tears forming in her eyes as I take the envelope from her trembling hands. With my own unsteady hands I open the letter, afraid of what it is going to say, afraid of finding out that my worst fear has been realized.

_My dearest Edward,_

_I know that you will not understand this right now but I hope that you will listen to reason. I want to start by saying that you are the best thing to ever happen to me. I never knew what love was until I looked into your eyes and saw it reflected back to me. I didn't know that kindness and happiness existed until you showed it to me. I was nothing before we met and I am nothing right now. _

_Baby, I can't stay. I meant what I said to you before. I will always love you, I will always need you but I can't have you. I know that you are willing to sacrifice yourself for me but I am unworthy of it. However, you absolutely are worth the sacrifice. You are a perfect angel that came into my life to show me that there is good in the world. But I will never be right Edward. I hope you can see that and I won't sit by and destroy you; I won't allow you to give up everything for me. With me gone you will be able to focus on school and finding someone that is not so fucked up. I need that Edward. I need you to find someone that won't make you sad, someone that you won't have to worry about, and someone that doesn't require you to take care of them._

_I love you more than anything. What I am doing is the hardest thing I will ever do in my life. I should have let you go a long time ago but I was too selfish. I was only thinking about myself and how you made me feel and not how I was making you feel. What I was doing to you. I hope you can see that you deserve so much more than what I can give you. I know that right now I am hurting you but it is better this way. You love me too much and would have never left. I can see that now and I had to do something. You are more important than I am. _

_Edward, you need to know that I love you enough to say goodbye. _

_I won't come back. Please don't try to find me. I need you to move on._

_Goodbye my love,_

_Bella_

I close my eyes, fighting back tears. I look up at my mom and she has tears streaking down her face as she reaches out to me. My head is shaking and I can't seem to stop it. I can't breathe, I… can't… breathe. I drop to my knees trying desperately to catch my breath.

"NO... This…" I wave the letter, "This isn't true. Where is she? What did she say?" I plead.

"She's gone Edward. I begged her to stay, for us to talk about it but she left. I'm so sorry honey." She says getting on her knees to look at me.

I continue shaking my head, gripping the letter tightly in my left hand.

"Honey, take a breath, it's going to be okay." I look at her, glaring.

"How is this going to be okay?" the tremble in my voice scares the shit out of me.

I pull away from her, leaning against the wall near the door. I bring my knees up, resting my head there, hearing every loud exhale I make and crying endless tears.

"_I have loved you from the day we met. No one has ever cared about me the way you have. No one has ever loved me the way you have."_

I mumble No, No, No, No… over and over again. I feel hands on me but I push them off. Emmett and Jasper and my mom keep telling me it will be ok but they don't understand. It will never be okay if Isabella is gone.

"_I will be able to explain better tomorrow okay." _

I feel my heart beating fast as my breathing escalates even more. It's like there isn't enough oxygen in the room. Everything is spinning. This can't be happening. This is insane. My stomach is turning as I realize that she was trying to say goodbye to me yesterday but I was too stupid to see it.

"_You'll understand tomorrow. Please, Edward. Kiss me." _

I stand up turning towards the wall, resting my forehead against it as tears stream down my face. I need to get out of here. I need to find her. But when I open my eyes all I can see is us, during Halloween, her in that short skirt, my hands moving up her stomach, her whispering that we should have sex in front of the mirror. I can feel myself kissing her soft skin, working up her neck to her earlobe and ending by nuzzling into her soft silky hair.

"No!" I scream as I hit the wall.

The pain is exhilarating and for a moment I forget the gaping hole where my heart used to be. For a moment my brain only focuses on my hand and not the fact that my life is now over. For a moment my soul is whole again. For a moment!

I hit it again. _She's gone_.  
>I hit it again. <em>She won't come back<em>.  
>I hit it again. <em>She said not to find her<em>.  
>I hit it again. <em>I can't live without her<em>.

I am numb and suddenly I don't feel anything anymore. Strong arms are pulling me away from the wall and I have no more resistance left in me. I can now hear screaming and crying and yelling. I hear my name and lots of cursing. The room starts to come into focus again and I can now see that my mom is reaching for a towel that Emmett is handing her. What does she need a towel for? I become conscious of the pain in my hand. I realize that my hand is now throbbing and soaking wet which makes me glance down to see that there is blood pooling on the floor, dripping from what used to be my hand.

"Edward!" my mom tries to sound calm but her voice comes out shaky.

I glance at her but she looks fuzzy. I can tell that her mouth is moving so I know she is talking but it sounds garbled. What is she saying? I hear ringing somewhere near me.

"Oh God!" I hear my dad say from the door.

Then I hear another scream and crying which must mean Alice is also here.

"_Yeah, baby. I know he just found out. Fuck Rosie, he hit that glass wall we have. He hit it like five times before Jazz and I could pull him away. His hand is all fucked up." Emmett says clearly panicked._

"_Huh, okay, hold on."_

"_E, can you move your fingers?" he says to me._

I stare at him like he is speaking a foreign language. Of course I can't move my fingers, I can't feel my hand, I can't feel my heart, I can't feel anything. I don't say a word and he swallows hard at my blank expression.

"_I know, I know. His mom is wrapping it right now."_

"He needs to go to the hospital." Jasper says above everyone and walking towards Alice. "But, I don't know. Take him to Mason, don't take him to Northwest."

He tries to say Northwest softly but I still hear him and the minute I hear it my body slouches in defeat as I drop back to my knees, putting my forehead against the ground. I feel dizzy but I don't know if it is because of the loss of blood or the loss of my Bella. Oh God, Bella why did you do this? This makes no sense. I feel the tears coming down my cheeks before my brain can even register the command to cry. All I feel is pain, my whole body is aching and my hand feels like it is about to explode. I can't move it at all and the towel my mom wrapped around it is already soaked in blood.

"I'll take him." My dad says firmly.

He bends down to me, gently running his hands along my shoulders. I can feel his breath near me and can almost hear the escalating beat of his heart.

"Son, we need to go to the hospital. I am sure that you broke your hand and you will need stitches as well."

I start breathing hard again remembering the Halloween party and Bella giving me stitches in the bathroom. She was so gentle and caring. She did it so good that no one can even see the scar. Bella is going to be upset that I need stitches again. She is going to blame herself for this. I start crying again as my hand moves instinctually towards the scar above my eye. My dad carefully moves my hand away from my forehead which is now wet from the blood seeping through the towel. He reaches for Bella's letter and I grip it tightly.

"I won't keep it son. I will put it in my pocket. Right here." He says padding the inside of his suit jacket. "Please son. Let me hold it."

I loosen my grip and watch as he places it inside his jacket. He lifts me up as Jasper and Emmett rush over to help him carry me to his car. I glance and see Alice covering her mouth, her chest is moving up and down quickly and my mom is crying on the couch. I close my eyes, feeling lost and confused. When we step outside the house the ambulance is already here. The paramedics step out and stare at us and then glance at my towel covered hand drenched in blood.

They walk over to me and I recognize them from last week.

"What happened?" The asshole paramedic asks.

"He was upset. He punched a glass wall in his home." My dad says casually. "We are on our way to the ER. Your services aren't needed."

"He looks like he is in shock; we should at least check his vitals, did he hit his head as well?" The nice one says.

"No, he touched his forehead; the blood is from his hand." My dad turns to me. "Edward they are going to check your vitals. Is that okay?"

I feel my head move but it feels like it is detached. Like there is a whole other person occupying this body. The real me is wherever Bella is. I am no longer whole. How could she think that simply leaving would make me not love her? How can she believe that I could ever love anyone else? They move me to the car and I sit down as the paramedic that was nice to me last week leans in.

"Sir, what happened?"

I close my eyes, not answering him. The only thing I am able to muster out is, "She's gone."

* * *

><p>My mom wrapped another towel around my hand and begged my father to hurry. My father takes off quickly. I rest my head against the window and close my eyes, waiting for the pain to go away, waiting for my heart to start beating again.<p>

"_Oh, baby you feel so good." Her soft, sensual voice echoes in my head._

I wrap my good arm around my stomach as I am overcome with sorrow. I can't believe she would just leave me like that. Without even saying goodbye then I remember she was saying goodbye to me, yesterday. She told me many, many times. Yesterday…I start breathing hard again as more tears come down my face.

"Son... I feel horrible. I feel responsible for this." I hear my dad say. What is he talking about now? I open my eyes and look at him, never moving my head from the window.

He glances at me. His brows are furrowed. "I went by the house yesterday. I was upset about our meeting and thought maybe she could talk to you about not quitting school. She said she would take care of it. But I had no idea she would interpret what I said to mean that I wanted her to leave. This..." He motions his hand up and down and looks at my bloodied hand, "This is the last thing I wanted." He shakes his head as he turns back to the road.

I close my eyes and look away, feeling the cold glass against my warm skin. I don't bother to wipe the tears from my face. I don't blame him. I am just as much at fault as he is. I shouldn't have pushed to take care of her; I should have just let things be. I got carried away and backed her into a corner. I see the hospital as my dad pulls into a parking space. He comes around to my side to help me, pulling me into his arms. He is breathing deeply as he holds me firmly.

"I love you son. I wish I knew what to do to help you. To make this better, but I don't."

I just nod against him. He holds me a little while longer and then helps me into the ER. At that point I don't remember what else happens. All I know is that every question they ask me my dad answers. He is commanding and as with everything else in his life people just start doing what he says. After three hours in the hospital they tell me I did indeed break my hand, I required 38 stitches and am apparently lucky I didn't sever any nerves.

When we pull up to the house I see that everyone is there. I don't care. I just walk in and head straight for my bedroom. Lying on my bed, I roll to my side staring at her beautiful face. I pick up the picture we took at the shore. I close my eyes as I place it on my chest remembering when we took that picture, remembering our weekend away, and that a few hours after that picture was taken she told me she loved me. I don't even hear Alice walk in my room but I feel her sit down next to me.

"Edward… I know you don't want to talk." She says running her fingers lightly in my hair. "But I'm here if you do."

I don't say anything as she lightly hums to me as she strokes my hair. I don't know how many times she has done this in my lifetime. It's just how it is. Alice and I are connected in ways no one has ever been able to understand. When we were little and I would have a meltdown she would place my head in her lap and sing songs to me while playing with my hair until I fell asleep, exhausted.

* * *

><p>Alice POV<p>

He's sleeping now. I can't believe Bella left. Why would she do that? I can't see his hand because it is all wrapped up but it looked so bad when I came in. I overheard Dad say they can't cast it until the stitches are out. I move the hair off of his tattered face and sigh before getting up and going back into the living room.

"I just don't get it." I can hear the confusion in Jasper's voice. He doesn't understand this either.

I look at dad and his head is between his legs. I know he feels responsible. Mom told him not to go see Bella the other day but he did it anyway. He should have let me talk to Edward. Then I could have talked to Bella if he didn't see reason. I walk to the chair near dad and sit on the arm, moving my hand up and down his back.

"What don't you get Jasper? It's my fault… Again!" My dad says lividly.

"Carlisle… Stop it. We talked about this." My mom tries to reassure him but dad doesn't look like he is having any of that.

"No, it is… You told me what she said when she left your office, remember?" He states angrily.

"What did she say?" I ask softly.

He looks down again not answering me. My mom sighs and looks away from dad and over at me.

"She said to tell your dad that she loved Edward enough to leave?"

I frown. "I don't understand?"

My dad doesn't look up but starts talking in a defeated voice, "When she came to see me in my office a while back I was angry at her. I didn't trust her, not after finding out about her history. She seemed nonchalant about their relationship. I told her that I expected her to love Edward enough to let him go if his relationship with her prevents him from having a future." He brings his hands into his hair, shaking his head.

"Carlisle." My mom says gently as she walks over to him, placing her hand on his shoulder.

"I hurt him again. If I hadn't said what I did she would still be here and we could have all talked about everything, instead…" he looks up at my mom and his eyes are wet. My dad is crying. He never cries. "Instead, my son has a broken hand and 38 stitches. That's his writing hand, Es. What is he supposed to do about school? Fuck!" he shouts standing up, moving away from all of us, and pacing back and forth. Now he's cursing? He never curses around us.

My mom sighs and then looks at me. "Did he say anything to you?"

I shake my head. "No, I just put him to sleep. I'm going to stay the night here. I want to be here when he wakes up."

"Of course, sweetheart, if anyone can help him it's you." My mom turns to watch my dad and walks over to him, stopping his pacing. At first he glares at her and then his features change as he pulls her into his arms.

"If something happened to you I don't know what I would do. I don't think I could survive it." He takes a deep breath, a look of panic on his face. "He loves her like that. What are we supposed to do Es?"

"We're here for him. That's all we can do, honey." She is trying to be calm, to make everyone feel like things will be ok but we all know it won't be.

There is a knock at the door and Emmett jumps up to go answer it. When he opens it Rosalie is standing there and it looks like she has been crying as well. Emmett grabs her, holding her closely, whispering into her hair. I don't think Bella realized how many people she was going to hurt by leaving like she did. I feel tears coming down my cheeks and Jasper's hand on my back. I smile up at him. There is just so much sadness in this house right now.

"There has to be something we can do?" Jazz says, ever the optimist.

"She's gone." Rosalie says wiping her eyes, "I know Swan. When she makes up her mind about something she follows through 100%."

Emmett moves a stray hair behind her ear. "What did she tell you Rosie?"

"Well, she quit yesterday. Dr. Aro put her on indefinite suspension unless she could convince him to change his mind. Well, you guys can probably guess Swan's response to that."

We all nod. Yeah Bella probably kicked him or something before quitting. Edward won't be happy to hear about that.

"Then she got into it with Jake because of the way he treated Edward at the hospital."

I glance at Dad who looks like he wants to pull someone's head off. "Did he say something to her? If he did…"

Rosalie shakes her head. "No, Swan took care of Jake." She takes a deep breath before continuing, "When I got to the hospital today one of the nurses said Bella came by to leave me this."

She pulls out an envelope similar to the one Edward was clutching before dad took it from him. She sighs as she pulls out a letter and starts reading.

_Dear Rosalie,_

_You know that I don't let anyone into my life. I am pretty much a closed off bitch. I have never been able to trust anyone enough to let them inside my fucked up world. But you were able to. You have been a true friend to me and I am thankful that you assisted on that surgery two years ago so that I could experience what friendship was._

_I have to leave Rosalie. You know as well as I do that I am no good for Edward. He is sweet and kind and deserves to be with someone not so fucked up. I will miss you so much and wish I could think of a way that doesn't involve me going but that way doesn't exist. I won't come back. I need him to forget about me and move on. I don't know where I am going to go yet, I have no plan. I am just going to drive and see where I end up. The reality is it doesn't matter. Any life without Edward is no life at all so who cares, right?_

_My apartment is paid up until the end of the year. I have enclosed some money to hire someone to pack up the shit I left behind. You can get rid of everything but the pictures of Edward and I. Please don't throw them away but don't give them to Edward either. I don't want him to have reminders of me. It will make it harder for him to let me go. Keep whatever you like and donate the rest or throw it away. Whatever, it doesn't matter._

_I'm so sorry Rosalie. I hope that you can forgive me._

_Your friend,_

_Bella_

She starts crying onto Emmett's chest. I look around the room and am overwhelmed with the amount of sorrow present. Bella, wherever you are, please come home. I don't know how my brother is going to survive without you. He won't find someone else. He will wait forever for you to come home. I close my eyes and sigh, knowing that things are going to get much worse before they have any hope of getting better.

* * *

><p>EPOV<p>

I am lying on my bed, confused and nervous. Something feels weird, this isn't right. I bring my hand to my hair and realize it doesn't hurt. Hey, wait a minute. It was all a dream. A really messed up and traumatic dream, but still a dream. Thank God! My breathing slows down and a smile creeps across my face. But why am I at my house? Why am I not at Bella's? Then all of a sudden a feeling of darkness sweeps over me as my phone rings. I glance at it and see that it is from Bella.

"_Hey baby. Where are you? How come we aren't together?_

"_I left Edward, remember? I can't be with you anymore."_

"_Bella, I love you, don't do this." I plead with her._

I jump up, drenched in sweat, my heart beating out of my chest. I look around. Where am I? Was that a dream? I feel a tremendous amount of pain in my hand before I realize that my phone is actually ringing and when I glance at it I see that it is Bella. Oh God! I answer it quickly.

"_Baby, where are you?"_

_No answer. Just silence._

"_Baby, I love you. Please come home. You can't leave me."_

_I can hear her crying now._

"_Baby, please. Where are you? I need you. I can't live without you."_

"_I needed to know that you were okay. I needed to hear your voice. I'm sorry Edward." She says strangely calm._

"_Then come home. We can work this out. Please, baby, don't go."_

"_I need to Edward. You don't realize how bad I am for you."_

_I can't control the sobs coming from deep within me or the way my heart starts beating like it is going to burst out of my chest at any moment._

"_Bella... I need you. I love you."_

"_I love you too, Edward. Goodbye." She says hanging up._

"NO!" I scream. I throw my phone and then jump up realizing what I just did. If she tries to call back I need it working. Alice and Jasper come running into my room, followed by Emmett and Rosalie. I am on the floor clutching my phone. The screen is cracked but it's still working. I call her number quickly but it goes directly to voice mail.

"_Bella, please call me back. Don't do this!" I plead to her._

Alice crouches down next to me. Oh God, the pain in my hand is excruciating. I am definitely awake now. Alice leans back against the wall and pulls me to her. I sigh as I rest my head on her lap.

"Edward, shhh, it will be okay." She whispers softly.

She starts singing tenderly and playing with my hair like she used to when we were little and I just cry on her lap until I have no more tears left. She doesn't stop though, and eventually I fall into a restless sleep, wondering how I am ever going to do this without Bella.

* * *

><p>I wake up the next morning to my dad yelling at someone on the phone. Then I hear my mom tell him to keep it down. I just close my eyes, trying to block it out but I can't.<p>

"_No. That is NOT acceptable."_

"_My son has a medical emergency."_

"_Well, let's see if the chancellor shares your belief."_

"Carlisle." My mom says firmly, "You need to calm down. I don't know that you are helping the situation."

"Es… I am calm but there is no way in hell that they aren't going to make accommodations for him. Not after the amount of money we have invested in that school. Our name is on the new damn computer lab for crying out loud."

"_Yes, this is Mr. Cullen. I need to speak with the Chancellor."_

"_I don't care if he is busy. Do you know who I am? Who do you think paid for all those new computers in the library? Another Cullen perhaps?"_

"_No I don't want him to call me back. I'll wait."_

I cover my face, feeling the burning in my hand again. I feel soft hands move my hair out of my face and then gently stroke my jaw like Bella used to do. I just close my eyes tightly as my eyes start to water again.

"Can I get you anything?"

I sigh and roll over. There isn't anything any of them can get me unless they can figure out how to get Bella back here. I know dad is just trying to help me but it's crazy. I don't even care about school right now. But, I also know it is pointless telling him not to interfere because he will do it anyway.

* * *

><p>The next week is a living hell. My hand looks terrible. Bella won't like the way they stitched me up. It is not neat and clean the way she did it. They put a cast on it once the stitches were removed so it could heal properly. Dad had spoken to the chancellor and they provided someone to take notes for me and dictate my assignments. So the past week I have had a lot of support. No one has said anything to me about what happened. Not even Eric.<p>

I hear Rosalie and Emmett in the hallway. I have been waiting to try and catch Rosalie when she is here. This is my chance. I hurry to my door.

"Rosie, come on."

"No, quit it. I need to go to work." Then I hear her giggling.

I step out of my room and they both look at me, stepping away from each other slightly. I lean against the wall, looking at them.

"Rosalie. I need to get into Bella's place. Emmett said that Bella left you the key."

She takes a deep breath. "She did. Edward… Why do you want to go over there?"

"I need to." I say looking down. "What are you going to do with our things?"

"I don't know. She said the place is paid up until the end of next month so I am trying not to think about it. Why?"

I shrug. "I have things there. So, can I have the key?"

"Edward… Bella was specific that she didn't want you to have mementos of her. She didn't think it would help you to move on."

"Well, she's not here now is she?" I can hear the anger in my voice and it makes her stand straight and frown at me.

"Fine! Your right. She isn't here. Knock yourself out." She says digging into her purse to pull out the key. I glance at Emmett and he is shaking his head at her. She hands me the key, sighing.

"Are you sure you want to go there Edward?" she looks concerned again.

I nod at her as I take the key from her hand and head out the door. I quickly get in my Jag before anyone can stop me and see both Jasper and Emmett at the door as I peel out onto the street. I get to our place quick, barely putting the car in park as I run to the door. Operating a manual with a messed up hand is not easy and my hand is in unbearable pain right now. I am shaking so much and not very good with my left hand so I am having a hard time getting the key in the lock. I feel hands come over my hands, taking the key away from me and putting it in the lock. I look up at Jasper's troubled face and then feel Emmett's hand on my shoulder.

"I just need to see that she's gone. It's not real unless I see it."

"That's fine E but you're not doing it alone." Emmett says softly which to be honest I didn't think was possible.

I open the door and walk in slowly. My heart is beating swiftly as I look around for what's missing. As I walk into the hallway towards our bedroom I stop in my tracks. She took my picture. It's the one from the shore, her favorite of all the ones we took. I can feel tears coming to my eyes as I swallow hard. I walk into our bedroom and look around. It looks exactly the way it did when she left last week. I walk back to the living room and see Jasper & Emmett just standing around.

"Everything seems the same." Jasper says with a confused expression on his face.

"I know. That's kind of weird." Emmett says looking around the room.

I glance over to the shelf and gasp as I quickly walk over to the space where her scrabble game was. I place my hand on the shelf, my heart starts racing and my breathing is crazy. I keep shaking my head as new tears start coming quickly down my face.

"E, what is it?"

"She's gone." I can't catch my breath.

"How do you know? Nothing seems to be missing. Maybe she just needs a few days away." Jasper says evenly.

I shake my head but I can't look at either of them. "She took her game and the picture."

They don't say anything so I turn to look at them and they are looking at me with weird expressions on their faces.

"She moved a lot when she was younger. The only thing she ever took with her when she was forced to move was that Scrabble game because she used to play it with her dad and the picture of her and her dad. It was taken a few months before he died. If she took them she isn't coming back. That is permanent for her."

They nod and take a deep breath, reaching to touch my shoulder.

"Come on E, let's get out of here." Emmett says looking around.

"I'm staying here." I say as I walk away from them and head to our bedroom.

I walk inside and just lay on the bed, pulling her pillow to my face; it smells like lilacs, just like her hair. Her scent is all over this bed. We made love here before she left and it's like I can still feel her here. I pull the blankets close to me, breathing hard as every beautiful moment we have shared together flashes before my eyes. I can't do this. I can't be without her. She thinks she is nothing but that is just what she has made me. I am nothing now.

* * *

><p><strong>AN… Ah, can I just say for the record that I want Alice to be my sister. Anyway, I know you probably feel bad right about now. This is not going to be easy for either of them. I know this was a rough chapter for our boy but hang in there… There can't be a rainbow without the storms!**

**As always, let me know what ya think… until next time, have a good one and eat lots and lots of chocolate! I mean it is Halloween so we have a legitimate excuse, right?**


	37. Ch 36: Hurt

**Rating: M- For lemons (lots of them), language and situations. So this means if you're under 16 please be responsible for yourself.**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer is the sole owner of the world of Twilight. I am just having a little harmless fun with her characters.**

**Once again thank you to my amazing Beta's A & C for your guidance, encouragement & support. You girls know how much you mean to me! Once again there are no pictures for the chapter but the new song has been added to the playlist. Now this song was suggested by my beta Christy a long time ago and when I heard it I just cried, then I saw the video and cried some more. Needless to say I knew exactly what chapter I wanted to use it for. **

**Now, Edward was in bad shape last chapter. It's time to see what our girl is up to. Something tells me she is not fairing to well either.**

* * *

><p>Seems like it was yesterday when I saw your face<br>You told me how proud you were, but I walked away  
>If only I knew what I know today<p>

I would hold you in my arms; I would take the pain away  
>Thank you for all you've done, Forgive all your mistakes<br>There's nothing I wouldn't do, to hear your voice again  
>Sometimes I want to call you but I know you won't be there<p>

I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do  
>And I've hurt myself by hurting you<br>Some days I feel broke inside, but I won't admit it  
>Sometimes I just want to hide 'cause it's you I miss<br>You know it's so hard to say goodbye when it comes to this

Would you tell me I was wrong? Would you help me understand?  
>Are you looking down upon me? Are you proud of who I am?<br>There's nothing I wouldn't do to have just one more chance  
>To look into your eyes and see you looking back<p>

I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do  
>And I've hurt myself<p>

Hurt by Christina Aguilera

**Chapter 36: Hurt**

I have been driving for 12 hours straight. I don't know where the hell I am going. I just know it is away from Seattle. I had jumped on Interstate 90 because it was the first interstate I came across. Then when I gassed up I bought a map and realized I could take this highway straight through to Chicago. Chicago could work, I could get lost there. That is a big city, lots of hospitals and they would probably hire me on the spot. The advantage of graduating from USC is that the alumni association is phenomenal.

I glance at my phone. It's still off but I am aching to turn it on. I want to call him so bad. To make sure he is ok. I am hoping that Dr. Masen is still with him. I know he is probably upset but I don't know. I have a bad feeling, like he is worse than I thought he would be. I glance at my fuel gauge and sigh. I need to stop at the next town. I pass a sign that says 10 miles to Billings, Montana. Where the fuck is that? God! I am in the fucking middle of nowhere. Well, I will get off there anyway. God I hope it isn't one of those tiny little towns I keep passing.

When I pull up to Billings I am surprised. Damn! Billings is kind of big. Who would have known? I gas up at a local gas station. It's after midnight. I glance at my phone again. Fuck it! I need to know. I turn it on quickly, ignoring the alerts telling me I have new text and voice messages. I dial his number quickly. I glance around and see a Native couple gassing up their truck. He is laughing at something she says to him and I can't help but smile. He looks like Jake but with long hair in a neat braid, except I don't know, he is not giving off that asshole vibe that Jake always gives off. Edward answers on the fourth ring.

"_Baby, where are you?" he says panicked._

_I don't say anything. I can't. I start breathing in and out quickly. My stomach immediately starts fluttering and my heart is aching, longing for him._

"_Baby, I love you. Please come home. You can't leave me."_

_Oh God! I start crying instantly. _

"_Baby, please. Where are you? I need you. I can't live without you."_

_Fuck Swan! Calm your ass down. You shouldn't have called. You're making it worse. _

"_I needed to know that you were okay. I needed to hear your voice. I'm sorry Edward." I say gaining temporary control of my emotions._

"_Then come home. We can work this out. Please, baby, don't go."_

"_I need to Edward. You don't realize how bad I am for you." God! He still doesn't get it._

_Now I hear him crying on the other end. I close my eyes, willing myself to keep control of my emotions. Control your breathing Swan! But the more I hear his distress the more I want to hold him, to take away his pain._

"_Bella... I need you. I love you." He says desperately, between his sobs._

"_I love you too, Edward. Goodbye." I hang up quickly._

I throw the phone at the gas pump, watching it shatter as I fall to the ground, crying hysterically. I can't gain control of my breathing or the crazy fluctuations in my heart. The ground is cold and hard just like my heart. What was once beating with life and love is now cold and lifeless. I am a horrible person for what I have done.

Someone kneels down next to me, "Hey lady, you okay?" He says softly then shouts towards the truck, "Claire, get the fuck over here. There's something wrong with this lady."

"Will you stop saying fuck all the time." She says with a huff.

"You just said fuck!" is his retort.

She kneels down next to me, moving my hair out of my face. "Hey, you okay? Do you need a doctor or something?"

"I am a doctor." I whimper. Not that they care.

"Man trouble?" she says knowingly and I can't help but look at her.

She is really pretty with long dark hair and mocha colored skin. She is wearing one of those hooded sweatshirts that says "Crow Fair, the Teepee Capital of the World. Crow Agency, Montana." What the hell does that mean? She smiles when she realizes I am blatantly looking at her hoodie.

"It's in Crow every year. Best pow wow in the world! Where you from?"

"Nowhere." I say sighing.

"Everyone is from somewhere? Where's home?"

"Seattle." And silently I add the word _Edward_, he is my home.

"Is he in Seattle?" She says motioning to my broken phone.

"Yes." I say standing up. I need to get the hell out of here.

She picks up my shattered phone, handing it to me. "Be safe out there. The roads can get bad this time of year and well, you don't have a phone now."

"Thanks." I say wiping my eyes.

I go to remove the nozzle and realize the guy has already done that and has just cleaned off my window. He didn't need to do that. God, Bella. Just deal with the fact that there are people out there that don't want anything from you, like Edward. The only thing he ever wanted was my love and to take care of me.

"Thank you." I say to him as he puts his arm around his girlfriend or wife. I don't know what she is to him.

"Your tires look good, so you should be okay. The temperature is supposed to drop so watch for black ice." He rambles to me.

I furrow my brow. "Okay."

"Sorry, you're not from here. I didn't want you to get in an accident or anything."

"It's okay. It's just… No one has ever really talked to me at a gas station before."

They both start laughing. "Yeah, I suppose that would be weird to a city girl. Well, be safe."

"And, maybe consider turning back around. It sounds like home is the other direction." She says as I get into my car.

I wish it were that easy. It's too late now. I have made my bed. I look at my red puffy eyes and sigh. I so fucked up this situation. I hear his distressed voice in my head and glance at my smashed phone. It's a good thing I broke it or I am sure I would have called him right back. I close my eyes and take a few deep breaths before starting my car and jumping back on the interstate.

* * *

><p>Another 12 hours and I am rolling through South Dakota. There is seriously nothing off of this highway past Rapid City. Don't get me wrong, going past the Badlands was phenomenal but after that there really was nothing to look at aside from the strange billboards. I suppose Sioux Falls was sort of big from what I could tell. It's not that I'm in a hurry to get to Chicago or anything. I'm not in a hurry to get anywhere. I am just afraid to stop. I'm afraid of where my mind will go. I feel completely lost without Edward and want desperately to just turn around and do what that young girl said, and go home but I can't. I wipe the tears streaking my face and pull over at the next rest area. Another 10-12 hours and then I will be in Chicago. I can do that.<p>

By the time I pull into the Chicago area I am exhausted. My brain is non-functional and I know I need to get some sleep. I pull into a Days Inn outside of the metro area. Once I check in I just toss my bag on the second bed. I lay down but sleep won't come. All I can see is Edward looking back at me with hurt in his eyes, I hear his anguished voice, and feel the emptiness in my heart. I get up quickly, pacing back and forth in my room, finally walking over to the window to look outside. I take a deep breath as I scan the neighboring area and spot the flashing neon sign, whispering for me to come over. I close my eyes and then open them quickly, grabbing my wallet and the room key and heading out the door.

As I walk in the man behind the counter smiles at me. I barely acknowledge him and head straight to the whiskey aisle. No hesitation this time. I grab the 1.7 liter bottle of Jack Daniels and pay for it quickly. I don't plan on remembering anything tonight. I rip the bottle open the minute I step inside the room, the tears already streaming down my face. I place that do not disturb sign on my door and drink half the bottle in the blink of an eye.

I stumble to my bag and pull out his picture. Staring at his smiling face, the wind gently blowing his hair, the look on his face is beyond anything I could ever imagine. I run my fingers along his strong jaw, wishing he was here with me, wanting him here with me. I sigh as I take another long swallow. I set his picture on the nightstand and before I know it I am out.

"_I love you so much." He says softly. _

_His lips gently caress my neck, moving ever so slowly down my collar bone. His lips continue to move along my body barely grazing along my nipples, my heart beating quickly underneath him, as he kisses my hip bone. My body arches to meet him, yearning for him to be inside me._

"_Why did you leave?" He says harshly._

_I open my eyes to look at him and realize that his beautiful face has been transformed. His piercing green eyes are now sunken in; his face is sallow and pale, his hair is dirty and unkempt, and he has a sad and desperate look on his face. He is lifeless, a shadow of the man I love. What have I done?_

I jump up quickly, looking around. I turn to his picture, staring at him, wanting that to be the sight in my memory, not the one I just saw. I pick up the bottle of Jack and take a couple of quick gulps, trying to erase the image from my head but knowing I never will.

I spend the next week in a drunken stupor. Aside from going across the street to pick up more bottles of Jack Daniels, I don't leave my room. I haven't eaten all week, I haven't showered, I haven't allowed maid service in, I haven't lived. Fuck Chicago! Fuck my life! Fuck everything! I don't care.

* * *

><p>"<em>Isabella… wake up baby." I hear his sweet melodic voice call to me.<em>

I am startled into consciousness but I don't know where I am or how I got here. I can hear voices in my room which now smells like… a hospital? What the hell happened? As the voices become a little clearer I recognize one of them. How the hell did she get here?

"So what are my options?"

"Well Ma'am, We have already been granted the involuntary commitment order so she will be admitted to an inpatient facility. We don't know what is going on with her. She is stable medically, but emotionally, I am unsure."

"Would they allow that out of state? I would prefer that she be in a facility near my home."

"We can approach the judge and ask for an approval for an out of state transfer."

"I'm not going to a hospital." I can barely speak.

The woman turns to look at me as does my mom. They both walk closer to my bed, my mom picking up my hand and placing it in hers.

"Well, Ms. Swan I'm afraid that the court has already decided that for you. The question is where you will go. Your mother is requesting that you be transported to a facility in Florida."

"It's Dr. Swan."

"Excuse me?"

"It's Dr. Swan. I am a surgeon and I know my rights. You have no grounds to commit me."

"Attempted suicide, alcohol poisoning, and starving oneself are all independent grounds for hospitalization and since you have done all three we believe it is in your best interest that you be hospitalized."

"What are you talking about? I wasn't trying to kill myself."

This woman, this bitch, pulls a sheet of paper from my chart. It is written on hotel stationary but I don't remember writing anything. She starts reading the note.

_I can't do this anymore. _

_I need to just fucking die._

"I don't remember writing that."

"Bells, honey, what's going on? Why aren't you in Seattle?" my mom says sweetly.

"Don't call me that!" God, how dare she use dad's name for me. "Why are you even here?"

"You had an in case of emergency card in your wallet with my name and number on it. You weren't carrying any identifying information aside from your driver's license and the phone number they had tied to that belongs to the broken phone in your bag." She lets out an exaggerated sigh, "Isabella, what's going on?"

"Nothing, just leave me alone. I don't need any of you." I say closing my eyes tightly. I can't believe this is happening.

* * *

><p>"Ms. Swan, do you feel like talking today?"<p>

I don't say anything to her. I never do. I haven't talked to one person since I have been here. My mom got approval to admit me in a facility in Jacksonville. Why she wants me close is beyond me but I don't give a shit. I have been here for I think eight weeks now. They say I have selective mutism. Damn right I do. I am not talking to any of them. They have no real history on me because my mom knows absolutely nothing about my life and I won't sign any releases so they can't get documents from anyone. I do wish I could talk to Dr. Masen though but I know that is not a possibility. So here we are again. They directed me to Anna's office and I just sit there while this bitch tries to learn about me. Yeah, well good luck with that. She is my assigned therapist. Poor girl. Well, at least she can do paperwork while I just sit here three times a week.

"You know Ms. Swan the sooner you start talking the sooner you will be released. How long you stay here is up to you."

Ah, she's trying a new approach. No more trying to be my friend or normalizing my behavior, telling me she understands that I have been through a lot of "trauma". She even mentioned James a few times so apparently Renee has talked to her. I see her shuffling around her desk and then she pulls out the picture of Edward.

"Who's this Ms. Swan? Your mom says it was with your belongings but she didn't know who it was. Is this your boyfriend?"

I feel tears in my eyes. It's the first time I have seen him since I started drinking over two months ago. Not a day goes by that he isn't on my mind. He's all I see actually but now his beautiful face has been replaced with the lifeless one I saw in my dream so long ago. Seeing that picture with him laughing in the sun does me in. I bring my head between my knees, trying to catch my breath, and trying to stop the way my chest is heaving violently.

"I can see that he is important to you. Tell me about him."

I start shaking my head fiercely. He's mine. She can't have him. She can't bring him here. She doesn't say anything for a long time, just letting me cry. She's probably happy I am crying. I'm sure it beats the glare that is generally on my face.

"Okay…" she finally says decisively as she places his picture in my file.

The minute the picture is put away the emptiness invades me. I am no longer angry, I feel nothing again. I'm never going to get out of here but maybe that's my penance for what I did to Edward. Maybe I am supposed to suffer in here. I briefly wonder how long they can actually keep me against my will.

The rest of the day seemed pointless. I go through my usual routine: lunch, group, free time, dinner, rec time, AA, free time and then I get to go in my room. According to my treatment plan I am required to attend individual counseling three times a week, group twice a week, AA every night and alcohol/drug classes twice a week and, of course, eat. All of which are a waste of time because I haven't spoken to anyone since I have been here. They also seem to think I am trying to starve myself but I'm not. I just have no desire to eat and frankly the food here taste like shit. I refused to eat when I first arrived which was a big ass mistake on my part because they made me walk around with a damn IV everywhere. Not doing that again. I'm sorry but maybe I just have higher standards for food than some of these nut cases in here. But, part of my "treatment plan" is that I need to eat half of whatever they put on my plate. I sigh looking at my food tray and what appears to be stroganoff. I immediately separate the half I am required to eat and spend the next 30 minutes picking at it before finally just forcing it down.

During my afternoon free time I take my usual spot, a chair near one of the windows. I stare out, watching the trees move gently in the breeze. It's way past New Year's but they still have Christmas decorations up because they think it will make people happy. Whatever! What's really annoying is that some of the patients have been singing Christmas carols since November. Seriously, you're in a damn psych ward what do you have to be joyful about.

I think I hate rec time more than anything else because they force me to participate in some type of activity. These people don't get it. I'm not crazy, I just don't care. I lean against the wall refusing to participate. Nothing new there. I start scratching at my wrist where my bracelet should be. I started doing that once I got here. Usually I don't even recognize when it is happening, it's a habit I think because I was always playing with the charms on my bracelet when I was nervous or upset. When my wrist starts to sting I look down and notice it is very red. I sigh. Great! Now they are going to chart that I am still "self-harming" myself. Fuck! They're never going to let me out of this damn place.

I can take the days somewhat as it is a simple routine to follow and since I don't participate I just go about aimlessly. The nights are difficult though because I am truly alone and my mind starts to wander. They check our rooms every two hours and if I'm not sleeping they give me more meds which end up fucking with my head. Of course they don't know that because I refuse to talk to any of them. Damn it! I am going to have to start talking pretty soon. Tonight I am more restless than usual so they gave me an extra sleep aid. I think it is Lunesta but I can't be certain since I haven't asked anyone and these assholes don't volunteer anything. I may be a doctor but I don't know all these damn psych meds they keep shovelling down my throat. After some time I doze off, at least I think I do. I can't tell anymore.

_He leans in to me, kissing me softly on the lips, letting his tongue enter my mouth. He continues to kiss me passionately and when he draws a breath he looks at me. It is my ghost Edward, with the pale skin, sunken eyes and hollow cheeks. His long boney finger comes across my lips._

"_Baby, what are you doing?" His voice seems to echo in my room._

"_I'm sorry." I say crying_

"_I know." He whispers back._

"_I love you" I say through my tears._

_He brings his lips into a small smile and then turns abruptly. He looks towards the door and then turns back to me. His smile is now gone and his face is twisted in anger._

"_You need to stop this. I need you." He says vehemently and then he is gone._

"_EDWARD!" I scream loudly._

I wake again, breathing hard. Half of the time I am not sure if I am actually dreaming about him or if I am hallucinating again. I close my eyes, straining, trying desperately to remember every detail of that picture I took of him at the shore, that's my Edward not the one that keeps visiting me every night in these quiet halls. I hear footsteps in the hallway getting louder as they approach my door.

"Isabella, are you okay?" the night staff asks me.

I nod and roll back over.

"Take this." She says handing me some more meds. Great! Just what I needed.

I take them and open my mouth so she can see I swallowed them. They make me show them now since they caught me cheeking them when I first got here. She exits my room and I hear muttering outside my door. Yes, apparently I said his name out loud. It's the first words I have spoken in more than 8 weeks. I suppose that's fitting that the only name that is important to me would be the first word I would speak. Yes, go chart that ladies and make sure to let Anna know I said something. I close my eyes again, tossing and turning until the meds kick in.

* * *

><p>When I enter Anna's office I lie down on the couch she has and close my eyes. I have felt loopy all morning thanks to the extra dose of Lunesta they made me take the last couple of nights. I know she has heard I spoke Edward's name two nights ago but I haven't said anything since then. I know I need to start talking to them and maybe that's what Edward was trying to tell me a couple of nights ago. I open my eyes and look towards her when I hear shuffling. She brings his picture out again and the depth of his eyes pierces my heart and soul.<p>

"Is this Edward?" she asks casually.

I start breathing in and out quickly, looking at his face. I motion for the picture, I need to touch it. She gets up and walks around her desk handing the picture to me and sitting in the chair next to me. I trace the outline of his face, moving my fingers across his lips, and grin as my fingers move across his wild hair, remembering how soft it was and how he used to moan every time I would tug on it. I set it against my chest and close my eyes again.

"Did something happen to him?" Anna queries.

I sigh, "I happened to him."

"I see." I know she is excited that I spoke to her but she seems to be trying to contain herself, I suppose she is trying to decide where to go with this information.

"Did you take that picture?" she asks.

I nod, "We were on Whidbey Island. A couple hours after I took this picture I told him I loved him. I had never said that to anyone besides my father." I can feel tears coming down my face.

"Did he feel the same way?"

"Yes." I whisper, touching his face again.

"He looks very happy in that picture." I nod, "Where is he, Isabella?"

"I don't know. Home, I suppose."

"Why did you say 'you happened to him' earlier?"

"Because I did… He was perfect, getting his master's in English, happy, energetic. I interfered with that. I am so fucked up that he was ready to give up everything for me. I couldn't have that. So I left." I say angrily.

"I see."

"No you don't see." I feel my anger rising as I sit up to face her. "I should have never allowed him to love me. I should have been strong enough to leave before he cared so much that he would sacrifice everything for me."

"So instead you sacrificed yourself for him? Didn't he have a choice in this?"

I don't say anything. I just lie back down and close my eyes again, trying to get a hold of my escalating heartbeat. God! Masen said that to me before as well. That I took the decisions out of his hand or some shit like that.

"Is that why you tried to kill yourself?"

"I didn't try to kill myself. I was just trying to forget. I just wanted the pain to go away." I say exacerbated, still not looking at her.

"And did it?"

I turn to glare at her. What the fuck kind of question is that? She doesn't look away though, she doesn't seem afraid of my attitude.

"It just seems that if you want the pain to go away you might want to consider a new strategy. Because starving yourself, drinking to the point where you can't remember anything and shutting down all communication with people doesn't seem to be working for you."

"It's better than what I used to do?" I whisper

"And what was that Isabella?"

"I would just fuck random guys, sometimes two or three in a night if I was having a particularly upsetting day." I say nonchalantly.

"And did that help?"

I don't say anything because she knows and I know that it didn't. None of it helps. The only thing that ever helped was Edward. I just don't know what I want anymore. But I do know that I am tired of being in here. And I also know that I miss Edward so much that it hurts. Something has to change.

"No, it didn't help." I finally say, defeated.

"Maybe that's something we can work on." She continues when I look at her, "Developing some more productive coping strategies."

"I had a bracelet when I was hospitalized. Do you know what happened to it?" I say softly.

"No I don't. I could ask your mother if she has it."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome Isabella." She says smiling. "So are you comfortable telling me about Edward? How did you two meet?"

I take a deep breath and start talking about my Edward, the beautiful and caring man that I fell in love with. I tell her about how we met in the Starbucks, how I tried to keep it sexual and how I never stood a chance. We talked about our first date, how the pier became a special place for us and some of the crazy things we did at UW. I stayed away from the nightmares and James. I didn't talk about why I left and she didn't ask me. I am glad because I don't think I am ready for those conversations just yet and I can't help but think that Edward would be proud of me.

* * *

><p>I leave Anna's office feeling a little lighter. She told me I could have the picture of Edward if I continued to cooperate. Well, shit if all I need to do is talk I guess I can do that because I want to keep his picture. I go into the rec room and look around. I wish they would let us in our rooms during the day but that's against the rules. Someone is in my spot near the window. Shit! That means I am going to need to sit with the nut jobs.<p>

I sit on the couch and look at the picture again. I wonder what he is doing right now. Is he happy? Has he found someone else? I frown as that thought enters my mind. I know we weren't together long but I would hope he hasn't been with anyone yet. It's only been a few months.

"Damn! He's hot." Sara says over my shoulder. I put the picture down.

"Ah... come on. You don't like to share." She says as she grabs the picture from my lap.

"Fuck you bitch. Give it back." I say fiercely as I jump over the back of the couch.

"Oh she talks now huh?" she sneers at me.

I swear this place is like prison sometimes with the little cliques, the bullies, the losers all jockeying for position at the top of the food chain. Well fuck her. She isn't taking that picture. I'm not scared of her stupid ass.

"Give it back or I will fuck you up." I say calmly.

She grins and makes a move to rip it and I attack. I don't even see anything but her. Who the hell does this bitch think she is? Next thing I know I am being pulled off of her and her face is a bloody mess. I see Anna's shoes and then she bends down picking up the picture.

"She took it. She was going to rip it." I stutter out incoherently.

"Isabella. I will just hold on to it for now."

"NO! I need it." I say crying uncontrollably.

"Do you want us to give her something?"

She nods and the next thing I feel is a pinch as the shot goes in my arm. Fuck! I wake in my room and it is dark. I go to move and realize they have me strapped down. Shit! They think I am going to hurt myself. God! How the hell am I ever going to get out of here? I sigh and feel tears coming out of my eyes, dripping onto the mattress.

_I feel his hand over my wrists as he lies down next to me, wrapping his arms around me. I feel tears on my neck and know that he is crying as well._

"_I love you Edward." I whisper into the night._

* * *

><p>The weekend was horrible. There is less structure on the weekends so I have more down time. They had only strapped me down for the night and allowed me to be in general population Saturday and Sunday. I was a mess most of the time though. I was constantly scratching at my wrist to the point where it was basically raw. They wrapped it on Sunday which pissed me off because it wasn't that bad.<p>

It's Monday now and I am anxious and nervous. Although I wasn't mute over the weekend I know that Anna knows about my wrist. I don't want her to use that as a reason to take away the picture. I need to get that picture.

"I think we should talk about what happened in the rec room on Friday." Anna starts off immediately.

I sigh. "There's nothing really to say. Sara is a bully to everyone. Normally she ignores me. But there was no way in hell I was going to let her rip that picture."

She nods. "I can understand that." She watches me for a few moments, "I hear you had a rough weekend. Would you like to talk about it?"

"Not really but I know you want me too."

She sighs, "Isabella. You are here until you complete the program. I want to help you. But I can't do that if you don't care enough to actually do the work."

I don't say anything. I just sit there nervously tapping my foot up and down rapidly.

"Would you like to see the picture again?" she offers.

I nod and she hands it to me. I can't stop the smile that envelops my face and I am instantly calmer. I don't know if she will let me have it back. I mean it's probably safer here but I want it. I want to look at him this way. Happy, not the sad and hollow face I see all the time.

"Your mom said there was a charm bracelet with your things from the hospital. She said she will bring it this weekend for family day."

I frown. Shit! I got out of family day last time because I wasn't talking but great, now Renee gets to come and talk about how much she loves me which I know isn't true and how she hopes I will "get" better.

"You don't want your mom to come?" Anna asks in response to my visible disdain at the mention of Renee.

"Not sure what the point would be?"

"You have nothing to say to her?" she asks quizzically.

"Nothing good."

"Well, sometimes that is necessary as well."

I sigh, "Can we talk about something else?"

"What would you like to talk about?" I shrug.

"How about you tell me what landed you in this fine establishment." She says smiling; trying to act like the question she just asked me isn't completely loaded.

"My goal was to get to Chicago and try to start over. But when I got there I couldn't stop seeing Edward. I just got drunk, trying to forget how much it hurts knowing that I hurt him. I wasn't trying to kill myself. How can you kill what doesn't exist?"

"What do you mean by that?"

"I have no life without Edward. I am already dead inside so I can't kill something that is already dead."

She watches me for a moment and I look down at his picture again. I really am nothing without him. What the hell was I thinking?

"What do you think would happen if you went back?" Anna asks breaking me away from my thoughts.

"I can't go back." I don't bother looking up.

"But what if you could?" she continues.

"Yeah, in a perfect world, right?" I say, closing my eyes.

"Does it have to be perfect?"

"He deserves that." It's the very least he deserves.

"The world isn't perfect and people aren't perfect either. Not even Edward." Now she has my attention.

"You don't even know him, how dare you say that." I state angrily.

"Isabella, no one is perfect. If he was sitting in this room I am sure he would say the same thing. If he loved you and you loved him than **_that_** was perfect. Love itself is what is perfect not the individuals involved."

I don't say anything right away. I never really thought of it that way.

"Why don't you think about that Isabella and we can talk about it next time."

"Yeah, alright." I say getting up, "So will you let me keep the picture?"

"We'll see how things go." I frown. Yeah that's a big fat NO!

I head out of the room and thank God my spot is not occupied today. I look outside dreading this weekend. I really don't want to deal with Renee. I glance down and notice I am scratching at my wrist again. Shit! I need to stop doing that. I go through the rest of the week a ball of nerves. I try my best to keep it together because I don't want them to think I need more meds or worse yet that I want to hurt myself. When I go to bed Friday night I am such a mess and toss and turn all night.

* * *

><p><em>"Isabella."<em>

_I open my eyes and he is lying next to me on the bed. My ghost Edward. Why does he look like that? I reach my hand to his hair but it is brittle and comes out in my hand. What the fuck! He sighs, closing his sad eyes and taking long slow breaths._

"_Do you still love me?" he asks_

"_Of course, I will always love you." _

_He may not be my Edward but maybe I don't get to have my Edward back. Maybe this ghost of my Edward is all I get and if it is I will take him willingly. He pulls me into his arms, holding me tightly as his cold lips touch my forehead._

"_They're coming." He says and I turn to the door._

The door opens and I close my eyes quickly, letting out a soft breath and rolling over. When she closes the door I turn to Edward but he is gone. I feel the tears coming and cry silently, trying not to draw attention to myself.

When they wake me again my eyes are puffy and red and the staff knows immediately that I didn't sleep last night. I go through the motions dreading what is about to happen. I don't want to do this. I have no idea what to expect. I have no idea what Renee is going to do. They usher those of us that are participating in family day to the main hall. I see her immediately. She smiles and walks over to me giving me a big hug.

"I was so glad to find out you have been talking Isabella. That is such wonderful news."

"Yeah, okay."

What the hell am I supposed to say? It's not like I am some 18 year old pissed at mommy. I'm a grown woman. We go through the day which isn't as bad as I thought it would be but it's the next part that I think will be the hardest. When we enter the room I am so damn tense. All the patients seem to be. I wonder if there is a way to get out of this.

From what Anna told me they put a chair in front of each of us and one at a time each of our family members is supposed to say some shit about how our drinking affects them and we aren't allowed to say anything until they are completely done. I don't know what exactly Renee is going to say. But some of these people have had it a hell of a lot worse than I have which is really saying something. I am so nervous and when they move the chair in front of me my stomach immediately starts twisting and turning and I have to fight off the sudden urge to vomit.

My mom moves to the chair and takes a deep breath before finally talking. "Isabella I know I was a horrible mother to you." She says with tears in her eyes.

What the fuck! I stare at her confused.

"I know that I didn't protect you. I should have been able to prevent what happened with James. I wasn't strong enough." She starts crying. "I know that what he did to you changed you. I saw that but I didn't do anything about it. I have no excuse for my lack of action."

I can feel tears in my eyes, trying to come out but I fight them back. What the hell is she doing? Is this some show for everyone or does she really believe this?

"We have never been close. That's also my fault. I have always looked for happiness in all the wrong places. Men who treated me nice, like your father, I pushed away. I never felt that I deserved more than the James's of the world. I thought I deserved to be treated like that." She starts sobbing, her chest moving up and down quickly. I have never actually seen my mother cry and I am not exactly sure what I am supposed to do. She takes a few steadying breaths.

"After Phoenix I know you started drinking but I refused to accept it. I thought maybe you would grow out of it but I see that you never did." She takes another breath and then reaches into her pocket pulling out my bracelet.

"If the man who gave this to you loves you and you love him, if he treats you with respect and dignity you need to know Isabella that you deserve THAT! Please don't make the same mistakes I have made in my life. Your father was the best man I ever met but I destroyed that." She places the bracelet in my hand. "I know I have never told you this but you are worthy of love Isabella. I couldn't tell you that when you were younger because I was pretty messed up myself and every time I looked at you I saw your father and remembered what I lost. I couldn't bear it. That's no excuse but that's the truth."

I gasp and start crying immediately. I tighten my fist around mine and Edward's bracelet, pulling it to my heart and then wrap my arms around my stomach. I can't see or hear anything else. I am shaking my head and screaming as the magnitude of what I have lost shoots through me. Realizing that I let go of the only person who would ever love me, as fucked up as I am he still loved me. He didn't want to change me, or control me or hurt me. He only wanted to love me, forever, but I lost that. The pain envelops me and my whole body starts convulsing. I feel like I have fallen into an abyss of despair and pain. Every bone in my body, every thought, every feeling belongs to Edward. I fall to the ground unable to control this pain and anguish and feel myself drift away somewhere dark and uninviting. The last thought that enters my mind is, "I need to get out of here. I need to get home. I need Edward. I can't survive without him."

* * *

><p><strong>AN…. Holy Crap! Okay now that I got that out. Well, well, well… sounds like Bella has a lot of work to still do but just maybe she will be willing to do what it takes to find her way back to Edward. Let's hope so for crying out loud. Now, since she has been involuntarily committed she cannot just leave. They can actually keep her as long as they see fit. If their facility cannot house her for a long term commitment they can transfer her to a facility that does. I'm not saying that's what is going to happen just letting ya know the facts. You know I like to be accurate! **

**Hey D... Did you like my shout out to Crow Fair!**

**So as always, let me know what you think ... Our poor Bella is such a mess as well, but damn she seriously needs to start talking or she will be in there a LONG, LONG time *sigh* **


	38. Ch 37: Moving on?

**Rating: M- For lemons (lots of them), language and situations. So this means if you're under 16 please be responsible for yourself.**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer is the sole owner of the world of Twilight. I am just having a little harmless fun with her characters.**

**Now this is a long chapter but I figured I would give it to you all together versus splitting it into two. I didn't think you would mind :-) **

**Once again thank you to my amazing Beta's A & C for your guidance, encouragement & support. Jiminy Crickets… This chapter was *SIGH* thanks girls for all that you do. T****here are no pictures but the new song has been added. I am not a big fan of country music but living in the Midwest I have learned to appreciate it. Now, I do love me some Rascal Flatts and I sort of did a toss-up on which song I wanted to use by them as there were two songs that really fit the chapter. In the end I decided on this song as I think it fits well with what Edward is going through right now. **

**Also, Edward makes a playlist during this chapter which I have added to the blog if you would like to listen to what he is listening to, although you might need a therapist on hand when you're done or just a huge box of Kleenex. Just a heads up :-) Big thanks to my girls for helping me with the song selections.**

**Okay, so it seems Bella is not doing too great either. Let's take a look at what Edward has been up to *sigh***

* * *

><p>I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house, that don't bother me<br>I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out  
>I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while<br>Even though going on with you gone still upsets me  
>There are days every now and again I pretend I'm okay but that's not what gets me<p>

What hurts the most was being so close  
>And having so much to say and watching you walk away<br>And never knowing what could've been  
>And not seeing that loving you is what I was trying to do.<p>

It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go but I'm doing it  
>It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone<br>Still harder getting up, getting dressed, living with this regret  
>But I know if I could do it over<br>I would trade, give away, all the words that I saved in my heart, that I left unspoken.

What Hurts the Most by Rascal Flatts

**Chapter 37: Moving On?**

**EPOV**

"_Baby, I love you." She whispers_

I wake quickly, looking over at her picture and sighing. It's been three weeks since she left. Everyone is upset with me because I won't leave Bella's place, I can't. They keep saying it's not healthy but what the hell do they know? I had forced Rosalie to give me the contact information on Bella's landlord and then I just paid Bella's rent for the next year. I am not leaving here. This is _our_ place. I glance at the clock, 5:00 a.m.

I can't stop the tears from their freefall so I don't even bother anymore. You would think that I would be tired of crying by now but apparently I'm not. I sit up and pick up our photo album that is on the nightstand. I don't know why I torture myself like this but this has become a nightly habit. I wake up and start going through our pictures and then cry until I am completely exhausted. I need some music.

I jump out of bed going into the living room to get my laptop. I sit on the couch and boot it up pulling up my iTunes library, then my iTunes store. I just start throwing some songs together. Some I have in my library and some I have never heard of but they come up as songs I might like. So I preview them and add many of the suggestions. So for the next hour or so I continue adding songs until I have 20 in the playlist. It is a pretty eclectic mix of music but I think it expresses how I feel. I label it _For Bella_ and then I just hit play, setting it on repeat.

I bring my laptop to the bedroom so I can listen to the music in there and stare at the open photo album on the bed. With tears in my eyes I set my laptop down on the nightstand and go back into the living room to her desk. I rummage through it until I find what I am looking for and then head back into the bedroom. I take a deep breath and start removing the pictures from the album, keeping them in the sleeves. Tears continue to fall down my cheeks as I start putting the pictures up on the wall facing the bed with the thumbtacks I found in her desk.

"_You know, people say that I have issues but if you put up all these pictures you're going to look like one of those creepy guys that you see on Criminal Minds."_

I hear her laughter as I sit on the floor with my back against the foot of the bed, looking at what I just did. She is just beautiful and now she is everywhere. I can fall asleep seeing her smiling, happy face and sleep knowing that she is watching me. I close my eyes listening to some woman named Toni Braxton.

_Don't leave me in all this pain; don't leave me out in the rain  
><em>_Come back and bring back my smile, Come and take these tears away  
><em>_I need your arms to hold me now, the nights are so unkind  
><em>_Bring back those nights when I held you beside me._

_Un-break my heart, say you'll love me again  
><em>_Undo this hurt you caused  
><em>_When you walked out the door and walked out of my life  
><em>_Un-cry these tears, I cried so many nights  
><em>_Un-break my heart_

_Take back that sad word goodbye  
><em>_Bring back the joy to my life  
><em>_Don't leave me here with these tears  
><em>_Come and kiss this pain away  
><em>_I can't forget the day you left  
><em>_Time is so unkind  
><em>_And life is so cruel without you here beside me_

I hear a knock at the door, startling me. I glance at the clock and see that it is a little after 8 in the morning. Who would be coming to Bella's at this hour. I slip on my jeans and throw my t-shirt back on, walking out to the door. When I open it there is a UPS man waiting for me.

"I have a delivery for Ms. Isabella Swan."

"I can sign for it." I say, swallowing hard.

He hands me the device to sign my name on and then gives me a large package. As I close the door behind me I notice the sender. _Lisa Harris Gallery_. I feel tears stream down my face as I slide to the floor against the door, sitting there, sobbing. I forgot about the painting. I had called them the day after we had visited the gallery and purchased the painting Bella liked. They had said at the time that they couldn't deliver it until the first week in December as the show continued until November 30th and they needed it on display until the exhibit was done. I was going to surprise Bella with it.

After what feels like hours I wipe the tears from my face and open the package, staring intently at the painting. Well, the storms came and we didn't weather them together like I thought we would. I run my fingers along the lonely man on the boat staring at the clouds approaching and I want to yell at him, to warn him that his life is almost over, to quit staring at the damn clouds and do something to stop the ensuing storm.

I stand up and look around the room, deciding where to put this constant reminder of my failure to do something about it.

* * *

><p>It's been a few weeks since I put up the pictures. I truly do sleep better with them up and find myself just staring at them for long periods of time, zoning out; lost in my memories of when things were right in my life. Although I do go to school it is meaningless to me. I am sitting on the floor at the foot of the bed again, staring at my Isabella and listening to my playlist. This is the second run through of my playlist so a few hours has gone by already but I have nowhere to be. The song just changed. Ah, one of my favorites. Yeah, I completely understand what Amy Lee is talking about in this song.<p>

_I'm so tired of being here, suppressed by all my childish fears  
><em>_And if you have to leave I wish that you would just leave  
><em>'_Cause your presence still lingers here  
><em>_And it won't leave me alone_

_These wounds won't seem to heal  
><em>_This pain is just too real  
><em>_There's just too much that time cannot erase_

_When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears  
><em>_When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears  
><em>_And I held your hand through all these years  
><em>_But you still have all of me._

I am vaguely aware of footsteps approaching and then a loud gasp at the door.

"Oh God! Edward are you okay?" Alice says panicked as she gets down on the floor next to me.

I am barely conscious of her; my eyes are fixed on Isabella. Everything around me is hazy as I scan the various pictures of my life with her. Alice moves in front of me, blocking my line of sight to Bella. She brings her hands to my face, forcing me to look at her, she keeps saying my name but it sounds like it is far away. I take a deep breath and finally see her. She looks upset. What is she doing here?

"Edward. Are you okay?" she repeats, trying to hide her evident concern.

I nod as I move to get up. "Yeah I'm fine. What are you doing here?"

"I haven't talked to you in weeks. I was worried about you." She says as she gets up.

She glances at the wall and brings her hand to her mouth. She is shaking her head and I see tears coming down her face. What's wrong with the wall? She turns to look at me as I walk over to my laptop and pause the song, Bring it Back by Kris Allen.

"Edward, what are you doing?"

I look at her confused.

"Edward, this isn't healthy" she says motioning to my wall.

I shrug at her as I sit on the edge of the bed, "Who defines what's healthy? Mom? You? What if I say that not being able to see Bella is not healthy for me? What if I say that being able to see her smiling face allows me to actually sleep? What if I say that these songs remind me of her and help me feel alive instead of dead inside?" My voice starts escalating at her lack of understanding.

She stares at me, not saying anything.

"Well it's not like you understand right? You have the love of your life. Jasper would never leave you, even if he thought it was in your best interest, now would he. So you won't ever understand what I am going through. Will you sis?" I can hear the bitterness in my tone but I can't seem to care.

"That's not fair Edward." She says softly, wiping tears from her eyes.

"Well, apparently life is not fair." I say lying back on the bed, bringing my casted hand over my chest, trying to steady my racing heart.

"I suppose it isn't." she says as she goes to my laptop and clicks on the pause button.

She lays down next to me, taking my good hand in hers. I close my eyes and we just listen to the music in comfortable silence. Every so often she squeezes my hand, usually when a particular lyric seems to resonate with my situation. She stays with me until my playlist comes back to the first song she heard. Then she kisses me on the forehead and tells me she will come see me later, leaving me alone with my music and memories.

After a few hours I get up and walk over to my laptop, minimizing my iTunes library and pulling up my thesis. I stare at it for a long time, reading through what I have already written. I lean back in my chair and bring my hand to my hair, frowning when I realize I can't do that with my right hand anymore. I sigh and go back into the document, changing a few things, fully recognizing that what each of these men shared in common was the heartbreak of a lost love. Each of their writing styles changed significantly after their lives were altered by the abrupt loss of love. I start writing non-stop as my life suddenly feels so connected to these men but knowing that I can't turn to alcohol or suicide like they did. I know the pain that leaves behind and I won't do that to anyone.

So this becomes my new routine over the next several weeks. I go to classes, do my assignments right when I get home, I force myself to eat something, then I pull up my playlist and watch Bella, sometimes for hours, and then finally I write. I have found that I write best at night. Although my thesis hasn't changed that much I have shifted my understanding as to why they wrote as they did and explained it through their conceptualizations of loss and showing how their writing styles shifted, how their writing became more misogynistic as their depression and alcoholism increased. I emphasized that the loss of love was the underlying theme of their bodies of work and how they slowly drifted into people they no longer recognized. I don't know how the committee will view this but I don't care. It makes perfect sense to me.

* * *

><p>I go through the next few months in a daze. I continued to work on my thesis and managed to get it completed and turned in under the deadline. I was told that it was one of the best representations of loss they had read in a long time. Well, thanks Bella. Guess you leaving a gaping hole in my chest helped me identify with my subject matter.<p>

I got my cast off a while ago. My hand feels and looks terrible. It's definitely weak but luckily I have gotten better at using my left hand. I haven't seen Emmett or Jazz lately. When I see Emmett I think of Rosalie and that leads me right back to Bella. When I see Jazz I see my sister and how much they are in love with each other which leads me right back to Bella. Alice comes by every few weeks or so to make sure I haven't fallen into a pit of despair. My mom has come by to check on me a few times as well. She wasn't happy when she saw what I did with Bella's pictures and that I created "this Playlist" that apparently is not helping me get over Bella. Well, I don't know what they expect. I can't "get over" her. I need her and I know she needs me. I can feel it. I don't know how I can tell but I just can.

I pull up to my dad's office building and sit in my car, debating if I should do this or not. I really don't want to run into Mike but I can't shake the feeling that Bella isn't doing okay. It's like she's hurt or something. I have had this feeling for a long time now but more so the last few weeks. I take a deep breath and get out of my car.

When I exit dad's elevator Jessica smiles pleasantly at me.

"Edward, it's good to see you again. How are you doing?" she says sweetly.

I just stare at her. I don't know Jessica, how do you think I am doing? I frown and her smile drops from her face.

"I didn't mean anything by that. I'm sorry. Um… Let me call your dad." she says quickly.

I don't bother to sit down because I know he will be out soon. And as if on cue he walks out of the office with Mike and Mr. Saunders. Mike looks at me, frowning slightly and then walks back to his office.

"Son." My dad says with a smile placing his hand on my shoulder, "Come on back." He turns to Jessica, "Hold my calls."

"Yes sir." She says dutifully.

As we walk into the office I take a seat on his couch as he leans against his desk. He is watching me intently, trying to ascertain why I came by.

"Dad I was wondering if you could do me a favor." I ask as I clear my throat.

"Anything, son. What is it?"

"Can you ask one of your investigators to find Bella?"

He inhales sharply, "You want to find Bella?"

"Yes, I just need to make sure she is okay." I say looking down.

"What will that accomplish son? What will you do with the information? Go searching for her?"

I close my eyes and shake my head slowly as tears fall from my eyes. He doesn't say anything for a long while; I would assume he is watching me. I just need to know she is okay. I don't know what I will do. Would I go searching for her? Probably. I don't know that I would be able to stop myself from seeing her just one more time.

"What if you find out she is not doing well? Are you saying you wouldn't do anything about that?"

I swallow hard and open my eyes. He is watching me with his arms crossed and a serious expression on his face. If she wasn't doing okay I would definitely go get her. There isn't a force on earth that could prevent that but if I tell dad that he won't do the search.

"I need to know. I…" I hesitate looking down again, trying to fight the tears. "I miss her." I barely whisper out.

He takes a long breath and sits down next to me, placing his arm around my shoulder and pulling me to him. I wipe the tears from my face knowing I need to just stop crying. It's probably not normal that I am still feeling this overwhelmed by my sadness, this late in the game. I barely register that my dad has started talking again.

"I understand that son I just… I just don't want you hurt worse than you are now. I mean what if she has moved on, what if she is with someone else, what if…"

I cut him off quickly and move away from him. "That is _not_ going to happen." I say forcefully. "Bella loves me."

He watches me for a moment and then sighs. "If you really want me to do a search I will but I am going to confer with your mom before I discuss what I find out."

I frown at him, not wanting mom involved.

"That's the only way I'll do it. I trust your mom and will do what she says. Every time I do something against her recommendation something bad happens. I have learned my lesson." He watches me closely, "Is that acceptable?"

Well, I don't really have much choice. I could hire someone myself but I need to start conserving my savings. Between paying Bella's rent for the year and buying that painting I am a little lower than what I am used to. Dad still gives me my monthly allowance but if I need to bring her home I will need that money for it. Finally I just nod at him.

"How's school going?" he asks, trying desperately to change the subject away from Bella.

"It's fine. Classes are going fine. I will graduate with honors." I say as I get up. I don't want to talk about school. Everyone is so concerned about that.

"Thanks dad. I'll see you later." I say as I start walking towards the door.

"When?" He says and I stop with my hand on the door knob.

"You say _I'll see you later_ but you don't come to the house, you see Alice every few weeks but she says you aren't talking to her, you two just listen to that damn "playlist" of yours. The boys say you don't come over anymore. So when? When exactly do you plan on seeing anyone? You look awful son. Are you even eating?" he pauses, clearly upset, "This needs to stop Edward, you need to move on."

I hear his footsteps approaching but I don't turn to look at him; I just take a deep breath and open the door. I bypass Jessica and get to my car as quickly as possible. They don't understand, none of them do. They want me to pretend that I'm glad she's gone but I can't. They want me to smile and act like everything is just fine in my life but I can't. Nothing is ever going to be fine until Bella comes home. Move on, right.

I put my Jag in gear and just start driving. Without realizing it, I end up at the pier. I sit in my car for a long time before finally getting out. I have never been here without her. Should I even be here? I start walking along the pier. There are a few people wandering around in the stores. I stop at the front of Pirates Plunder and feel a heaviness invade my chest. I close my eyes as memories flood through me.

_"What were you thinking about?" I ask her as I place a pirate hat on her head._

_"Oh, I was just imagining you as a pirate, shackled to my bed." She says as she runs her fingers down my chest. "While I torture you for information to some secret treasure you have hidden."_

_She rests her fingers at the top of my jeans, unsnapping the top button. She slips a couple of her fingers inside tugging on my hair. I close my eyes and move my head back slightly._

_"I thought you weren't into punishment?" I rasp out._

_"It wouldn't be punishment baby." She says as she moves extremely close to me. She starts moving her tongue up my jaw, working towards my earlobe. She feels so good and I can't even think right now. God I want her so bad. I don't even hear her start talking again. _

_"It would be like pleasure spiked with a dose of pain. You'd like it. I promise." She whispers._

_I look at her and I know she can see how much I want her reflected in my eyes. She starts kissing me and I immediately move my tongue into her mouth, devouring her. I feel her hand move further into my pants. She is stroking me and running her thumb across my head and I feel my body responding to her. She knows exactly what to do to drive me insane with desire._

"Are you okay?" An older woman says to me, breaking me out of my memory.

I realize that I am breathing hard, nearly hyperventilating as tears are coming down my face. I must look pretty bad for someone to actually ask me if I am okay. No lady, I'm not okay, I'll never be okay. I shake my head and wipe the tears away.

"Sorry, yes I'm fine thank you." I say quickly and continue walking along the pier until I get to our spot.

There are a few couples down here but I don't pay attention to them. I walk to our bench and sit down, bringing my hands into my hair, placing my head between my knees, crying silently. God I miss her so much. I don't know how anyone expects me to do this. I can't be without her. She is everything to me. My heart and body ache for her. I just don't think I can do this anymore. I feel so empty inside.

"I love you baby." I hear her say and I look up quickly.

For a brief moment I see her standing on the pier next to the railing, her hair flying behind her, her skirt fluttering around her ankles. She looks over her shoulder at me and smiles. I smile back at her and then she is gone. And just like that the pain is back. I am overwhelmed as my heart breaks into pieces again, I can't breathe and my chest is heaving. I bring my head down again and just cry, on the same pier where we have made love, where we have shared so many wonderful and erotic times. I feel her strongly here and know without a doubt that I need to come back again.

* * *

><p>The next few weeks are pretty uneventful. Dad still hasn't called to say what the findings are. He should know by now which has me extremely worried. I mean what if it is something bad and he and mom have decided that I don't need to know. I'll give him another two weeks and if he doesn't get back to me I will go over there and find out.<p>

Emmett had texted me a little while ago and said he and Jazz were on their way over. I am not sure what they want but I haven't seen them in a while so it's cool. When I hear the knock I just open the door, letting them in.

_There are so many things I didn't say  
><em>_And even though it may be too late  
><em>_I want you to know I still love you so  
><em>_Every car I meet looks like your car  
><em>_Every movie I see you play the leading part  
><em>_You're on my mind  
><em>_Can't leave you behind_

"Hey E. Long time no see." Emmett says hitting me lightly on the arm as he brushes past me.

"Hey E." Jasper says quietly.

"So what's going on?" I ask and notice that Emmett has a scowl on his face.

_When I close my eyes you're all I see  
><em>_You're far away but here in my heart  
><em>_Nothing has changed I'm still holdin' you like I used to  
><em>_On a busy street, in a crowded room  
><em>_Where ever I go it's just me and you  
><em>_Together again, girl it never ends_

"E, seriously. What the fuck!" Emmett says loudly as he waves his hand around. Jazz looks at him and shakes his head.

"What are you talking about?" I ask confused.

"What am I talking about? You're kidding right?" Emmett says furiously, "This fucking suicidal damn playlist you got going on is what the damn problem is. How many times do you listen to that shit?"

_When I close my eyes you're all I see  
><em>_In the dark of night you're in my dreams  
><em>_Throughout the day you're easy to find  
><em>_You're always there when I close my eyes_

I have heard Emmett curse before, on many occasions, but usually it is playful and in a joking manner. But this is different. He is pissed. What does he have to be angry about? I can listen to whatever the hell I want to. Kenny Chesney shifts to Avril Lavigne and I see Emmett frown again.

Jasper takes a long steadying breath, "Emmett, sit down." Then he turns to me, "E, sit down."

I sit down in one of the chairs as Emmett and Jasper sit down on the couch.

"We are concerned about you E." Jasper starts in a soothing voice. "You don't come over, you don't talk to anyone, you are just going through the motions and Alice said that you have a shrine to Bella in the bedroom."

A shrine. That's a bit of an exaggeration. Alice had discovered my so called "shrine" a few months ago when she came by to visit me. She was real upset by the pictures on the wall. She said it wasn't healthy but I don't care. I'm not taking them down.

I look between Jasper and Emmett and they both have serious expressions on their faces. What is this some kind of intervention or something? Well, they don't understand. They have their loves in their life right now. Mine is gone. Let's see how they would do if Rosalie or Alice were to suddenly disappear. Jasper closes his eyes briefly and makes a motion with his hands.

_I had my wake up  
><em>_Won't you wake up?  
><em>_I keep asking why and I can't take it  
><em>_It wasn't fake, it happened, you passed by_

"E, you listen to all of these depressing songs day in and day out. That isn't good and it is certainly not helping you." Jasper says quietly.

"You have to let her go. She's not coming back." Emmett says flustered.

I stand up quickly, now I am pissed. "Get the fuck out!"

Emmett gets up quickly, "NO!"

_Now you're gone, now you're gone  
><em>_There you go, there you go  
><em>_Somewhere I can't bring you back  
><em>_Now you're gone, now you're gone  
><em>_There you go, there you go  
><em>_Somewhere you're not coming back_

I stand there staring at them, angry and pissed off but not sure what exactly to do. I want to throw them out but somehow that doesn't seem right. Emmett moves towards me and then grabs me by the arm dragging me into the bedroom with Jasper walking close behind us.

_The day you slipped away  
><em>_Was the day I found it won't be the same  
><em>_The day you slipped away  
><em>_Was the day that I found it won't be the same_

"Ah Fuck!" Emmett says when he sees my Bella wall.

"God, E. what are you doing?" Jasper says as he walks over to the wall looking over the pictures.

Emmett tosses me on the bed and then walks to my laptop to mute my playlist.

"Look, Jasper wanted to do this all nice and shit but it's obvious that isn't going to work." He says towering above me, "We have just stood by and not done anything about any of this but that ends now."

He walks towards the wall and starts to take one of the pictures down and I just can't think straight. I leap off of the bed and jump on his back, catching him off guard as I put him in a choke hold. He elbows me hard in the side which makes me loosen my grip around his massive neck. He pushes me back as Jasper pulls me off of him. I fall to the ground, pushing myself to the foot of the bed, my usual spot.

Emmett looks at me and sits on the floor, leaning his back against my Bella wall. He closes his eyes for a few moments and when he opens them they are moist with unshed tears. I know I couldn't have hurt him. He is too strong but I immediately feel bad. He shouldn't have done that though. He can't take her away from me. I won't let either of them.

"E, this is out of hand." Jasper says sitting down next to me.

All I can do is shake my head as tears start to come again. Emmett watches me for a few moments and then looks up, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath.

"I don't think I ever told you guys that my mother was an alcoholic."

We both look at him but he is still looking up, his eyes closed.

"I think the only long length of time she stayed sober was during her pregnancy with me. My dad adored her. His brothers and friends kept trying to get him to leave her but he wouldn't. He just said he loved her and that she needed him. My mom wasn't a mean drunk or anything, she was very beautiful and I know that she loved us."

He grins, that big Emmett size grin that makes everyone smile.

"She would just laugh at everything I did. I would say silly things and jump on furniture, making monkey sounds. She would just laugh and laugh until she cried."

We both smile as he makes the sounds he made for his mom. He then gets a serious expression on his face.

"The morning of Christmas Eve she took off. She didn't say goodbye to me. She left a note for my dad, saying she wasn't cut out to be a wife or some shit like that. I never read the letter. I was only nine. My mom used to always take off for a few days. My dad would make excuses for her and then tell me she was visiting friends and she'd be back soon."

He closes his eyes again, taking a few deep breaths before continuing.

"So it was Christmas Eve and I wanted to wait up for Santa Claus. I mean people had said he wasn't real but I wasn't 100% convinced. So I was hiding underneath the stairs because my plan was to sneak up on him when he came by to deliver presents." He says grinning.

Yeah, I can totally picture Emmett doing that.

"I had dozed off and then heard the door. So I peeked out and saw my uncles. They took my dad and set him on the couch. They were really angry with him. They told him that he should be glad that my mom was finally gone. That she wasn't good enough for him. I remember being really angry at them for talking about my mom like that. At the time I didn't realize she was an alcoholic. I didn't even know what that meant."

He shrugs and gets up walking over to my laptop. I watch as he starts messing with YouTube. He pulls up a song as he starts talking again.

"The more they talked the more upset my dad got so my dad's youngest brother tells him that he heard this great song on the radio and that it reminded him of my parents and asked him if he could play it for him. My dad was confused by this but just nodded."

Emmett turns to look at me, "Can I play you the song they played for my father?"

I nod.

"Now this isn't exactly the same for you E but I want you to just listen to the words okay?"

I nod again as he hits play. A smooth guitar comes on and I think I know what song this is.

_She sits alone by a lamp post trying to find the thought that's escaped her mind.  
><em>_She says, "Dad's the one I love most but Stipes not far behind"  
><em>_She never lets me in, only tells me where she's been when she's had too much to drink  
><em>_I say that I don't care; I just run my hands through her dark hair  
><em>_Then I pray to God you gotta help me fly away._

_And just let her cry… if the tears fall down like rain.  
><em>_Let her sing… if it eases all her pain.  
><em>_Let her go… let her walk right out on me.  
><em>_And if the sun comes up tomorrow… let her be, let her be._

_This morning I woke up alone, found a note standing by the phone saying,  
><em>"_Baby, maybe I'll be back someday."  
><em>_I wanted to look for you  
><em>_You walked in; I didn't know just what to do  
><em>_So I sat back down and had a beer and felt sorry for myself_

I am trying to listen to the rest of the words but I can feel myself crying. I wrap my hands in my hair and cry into my knees. I feel Jasper place his hand on my shoulder, moving it back and forth, trying to comfort me.

_Saying let her cry… if the tears fall down like rain.  
><em>_Let her sing… if it eases all her pain.  
><em>_Let her go… let her walk right out on me.  
><em>_And if the sun comes up tomorrow… let her be._

_Last night I tried to leave, cried so much I could not believe  
><em>_She was the same girl I fell in love with long ago.  
><em>_She went in the back to get high  
><em>_I sat down on my couch and cried, yellin'  
><em>"_Oh mama, please help me."_

_Won't you hold my hand and let her cry… if the tears fall down like rain.  
><em>_Let her sing… if it eases all her pain.  
><em>_Let her go… let her walk right out on me.  
><em>_And if the sun comes up tomorrow… let her be._

When the song ends I look up at Emmett and he has tears coming down his face as well. He moves in front of me, kneeling down so that we are eye level. I have never seen Emmett cry, EVER! He is looking at me intently and I can tell he is trying to decide how to tell me whatever it is he needs to say next.

"My father never let go of my mom. She came home a few days after Christmas like nothing ever happened. She did this several more times before she died in a drunk driving related accident. My father never loved anyone else. He was devoted to my mother 100%. He still is. I see this…" he says waving to the wall, "And hear this playlist you created and I see my dad all over again."

He looks down and then looks up at me determinedly, "I won't lose my friend like I lost my father. You need to let us help you."

"I'm not ready to let her go." I say crying, "Please... don't take my pictures. I… I…"

I can't even articulate what I want to say. All my words get stuck in my throat as I try to come to grip with the fact that they are probably right. That Bella is not coming back to me. But I know that the thought of loving anyone else seems unfathomable.

"Alright, I can compromise on that, for now. But what about this playlist?" he asks as he wipes his eyes and offers me a small smile.

"I like it. It reminds me of her."

"How about you agree to limit the amount of times you listen to it. Like maybe once a day instead of 100 times." He says as he sits on the other side of me.

"I don't listen to it 100 times a day. Don't you think that's slightly exaggerated?" I can't help but smile at him.

"You need to get out as well E." Jasper says beside me.

"I do get out, every day." I say as I turn to look at him.

They both frown. Geez, now what did I do.

"E…" Jasper starts and then thinks for a minute before continuing, "Going to the pier several hours every night doesn't count."

"How do you know I have been going to the pier?"

God, I just started doing that a few weeks ago after I left dad's office. I sat on our bench for hours, just thinking about every one of our experiences there. I felt so close to her that I have gone back every night for the past two weeks. Sometimes I even think I see her, looking at the water by the railing. I better not tell them that.

"Alice and I were eating at a restaurant there a few weeks ago and saw you walk by. She called to you but you didn't notice us. She wouldn't leave you there. We just waited until you left and then she made me follow you to make sure you got home okay."

I take a deep breath. I know Alice is real worried about me but she doesn't need to follow me around. I need to see her, maybe that will reassure her. I sigh, probably not.

"We are going out this weekend. Just me, you and Emmett. You need to get out of the house. You need to start living again E." Jasper says determinedly as he stands up.

I nod as I get off the floor as well and help Emmett up because he is acting like he is stuck or something. Jasper and Emmett walk out before I do. I stare at my wall before following them, wondering what kind of life I can have without Bella in it but knowing I need to do something. I smile at Bella and whisper I love you before catching up to Emmett and Jazz.

* * *

><p>It's Friday and I am sitting on the bed looking at Bella. It is the first time I am really going "out" somewhere since the night Bella and I went to Daniels Broiler. God, what was that, about 4 months ago? It couldn't have been that long. But I suppose it was. I am dressed pretty casually in a pair of dress slacks and a light blue button down shirt. I am listening to a song by a guy named Babyface. Man, it feels like he just swept into my head and wrote what I was thinking.<p>

_I'm sitting here thinking about  
><em>_How I'm gonna do without you around in my life  
><em>_And how am I going to get by,  
><em>_I ain't got no days, just lonely nights  
><em>_You want the truth well girl I'm not alright  
><em>_Feel out of place and out of time  
><em>_I think I'm gonna lose my mind_

_(So tell me how you feel) … I'm lonely  
><em>_(Are you for real)… So lonely  
><em>_(Do you still think of me)… I think of you  
><em>_(Baby still) … Are you lonely?  
><em>_(Do you dream of me at night) … Like I dream of you all the time  
><em>_(So let me tell you how it feels) … It's like every day I die  
><em>_(Wish I was dreaming but it's real) … When I open up my eyes  
><em>_(Let me tell you how it feels)… And don't see your pretty face  
><em>_I think that I will never love again_

_I miss your face, I miss your kiss  
><em>_I even miss the arguments that we would have from time to time  
><em>_I miss you standing by my side  
><em>_I'm dying here it's clear to see  
><em>_There ain't no you, God knows there ain't no me  
><em>_Don't want to live, I want to die  
><em>_If I can't have you in my life_

I hear the knock on the door and mute the playlist. They will be angry and give me another lecture if they find out I have been listening to it several times a day still. I touch one of Bella's pictures, running my fingers down her face.

"I love you baby." I say as I kiss my fingertips and place it on the lips of her picture.

I hear knocking even louder. God, they can't even give me a minute to get there. I open the door and see my mom and dad standing there. My dad is holding a manila envelope; he looks disheveled even though he is wearing a nice suit. His eyes have a craziness about them and although he is trying to look calm his whole aura says something bad is about to happen. I step aside to allow them inside.

"You look nice sweetheart. Are you going out?" Mom says with a smile.

I nod at her and take a quick breath. "Jazz & Em are taking me out." I look down to the manila envelope dad is holding. "Is that what I think it is?"

He takes a deep breath and nods. "Son… Are you sure you want this?"

I take the envelope from him. It is sealed and thicker than I thought it would be. I am not sure if that is good or bad. I just stare at it. Suddenly my stomach is lurching and I feel dizzy. I bring my hand to my hair and then sit down on the couch. My nerves are so messed up. I am surprised my mom hasn't suggested I get on some meds.

"Have you seen it?" I ask looking from both my mom and dad.

"I told you son, once I got the results I was going to talk to your mom about it. We have both looked at the material contained in there."

"Is it bad? Is that why you are both here?" I ask nervously.

My mom sits down next to me, moving her hand to the back of my neck, massaging it lightly, trying to help me calm down. I close my eyes and try to steady my breathing.

"Edward. We are here to support you if you choose to see what's in the envelope. I don't think it is bad but you might. It's about perspective honey. Could you really be happy knowing that she is somewhere that you aren't?" she asks me calmly.

"I don't know. Do you think I should look at it?" I say as I look at her.

She sighs. "I think it's up to you. We will support whatever decision you choose."

"Is she okay mom?" I say and I know I have a tenuous grasp on the tears that are just under the surface.

"Yes, I think she will be okay."

That doesn't seem like a straight answer to me. I run my hands across the envelope trying to decide what to do. I want to know that she is alright. But I also know I won't be able to stay away from her if I know where she is at. I will find her and beg her to come home. Of this I am certain.

"That's good enough for now. I don't know that I'm ready to know more. I don't think I am strong enough to stay away."

I hear a loud gasp and look up to my father and see that he has his hands on his knees and is bending over, trying to catch his breath. He stands up straight and runs his hands over his suit, straightening it out. His face looks like some of the tension is gone and his color is starting to come back. We hear a knock on the door and my dad quickly walks over to open it. Emmett and Jasper walk in and their smiles evaporate.

"What's going on?" Jasper says, frowning.

I take a deep breath. "Nothing, my parents came by to drop something off, they're leaving."

My parents look at each other for a moment and then my mom stands up, kissing me on the forehead.

"We are here if you need us." she whispers to me before stepping away.

After they leave Emmett and Jasper sit down, looking at me.

"Alright, they're gone. What happened?" Emmett says seriously.

I hand him the envelope. "I asked my dad to run a search on Bella. That's what they found. I am not sure I want to know everything in there but I want to know that she is okay. I don't really trust my parents to be honest with me. Will you two open it and tell me if she is alright?"

Emmett looks at Jasper and Jasper nods and moves closer to him. I close my eyes and lean my head against the back of the couch. I hear the envelope open and then make out shuffling as they pull out the papers. I am so tempted to open my eyes and see but I just squeeze them tighter. I can feel my heart rate picking up and know that I am dangerously close to having some kind of panic attack. My stomach is still doing flips and my breathing is erratic. I hear Emmett mutter the word fuck several times and finally I can't take it anymore. I sit up straight opening my eyes, staring at the two of them. They look at me and then each other as Emmett quickly puts the papers in the envelope again. I notice that it looks like there are pictures in there.

"E… I think she is okay right now but…" Jasper starts and then stops.

I plead with my eyes, fighting back tears, "But what?"

"E, she was pretty fucked up for a while. I think she is okay though." Emmett says.

"What do you mean she was pretty fucked up?" I say with terror in my voice as I look down at the envelope he is holding.

"E…. isn't it enough to know that she is okay right now?" Jasper asks, forcing me to move my eyes away from the envelope.

I close my eyes again, taking a few steadying breaths. "Yes, it's enough to know that she is okay right now." I say trying to will myself to believe those very words.

We sit in silence for a while and then I take another deep breath. "Will you guys hold that envelope for me? If I keep it I will look at it and I won't be able to stop myself. I'll go get her and maybe that's not what she needs or wants."

"E you can't go get her. She needs to be where she is." Emmett says with a serious tone. "Jazz and I will take this info back to the house and we'll kick your ass if you try to come get it." He says lightly chuckling.

I open my eyes and look at him and he has the most ridiculous smirk on his face.

"Come on. Let's get the hell out of here. I'm starving!" Emmett says getting up, rolling the envelope slightly so he can use it as a drumstick against the chair.

Jasper shrugs and gets up, motioning with his head for me to come with them. My heart hurts knowing that Bella has been suffering but a part of me already knew that. I wonder if she can feel that I am suffering too. If she can sense my pain as I can sense hers. I have to believe that she will find her way back to me. There is no moving on without her in my life.

* * *

><p><strong>AN….Hmmm, Yeah our boy needs to take the "shrine" down cause that is definitely not healthy but then again…LOL … Anyway, next chapter we will check in on Bella. Anyone curious what was in the envelope? **

**And, of course, check out Edward's depressing playlist. Now I initially added this like I did the chapter playlist but there were several of the songs that SME would not allow in a playlist so I put each individual video in a blog post. I listened to this while writing this chapter and dang, I needed a whole bucket of ice cream to feel better... JK, okay, well maybe not the whole bucket. And the other Rascal Flatts song I wanted is on the playlist. I had to include it. When you hear it you will understand why. Now the first song is so Bella which is why I started with it; figured Edward was the kind of guy that would torture himself listening to her words echoed in song and the last song is the song Emmett played for him.**

**Now as a bonus to all of you I have posted an outtake from when Edward was in Paris. He is just a young buck so to speak but it is a little citrusy and he is pure adorable in it so check it out. It is my intervention for this chapter…LOVE YOU!**

**As always… ya know I want to know what you think. I promise I won't keep them apart for too long. I need them together as much as you all do; besides they are both so absolutely miserable right now!**


	39. Ch 38: Resolve

**Rating: M- For lemons (lots of them), language and situations. So this means if you're under 16 please be responsible for yourself.**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer is the sole owner of the world of Twilight. I am just having a little harmless fun with her characters.**

**Once again thank you to my amazing Beta's A & C for your guidance, encouragement & support. You girls know how much you mean to me! Once again there are no pictures for the chapter but the new song has been added to the playlist. Well, the song choice is another AI alumnus. And BTW I did sneak in a few AI alums in Edward's Playlist as well….LOL… So anyway, the song for this chapter should make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside because of the implications.**

**Okay, I know that last chapter was extremely difficult. Trust me when I say it was the most difficult chapter I have ever written and hopefully will ever write. So let's take a look and see how our girl is doing shall we.**

* * *

><p>I'm staring out into the night trying to hide the pain<br>I'm going to the place where love and feeling good don't ever cost a thing  
>And the pain you feel is a different kind of pain<p>

I'm going home  
>Back to the place where I belong<br>And where your love has always been enough for me  
>I'm not running from<br>No, I think you got me all wrong  
>I don't regret this life I chose for me<br>But these places and these faces are getting old  
>So I'm going home, well, I'm going home<p>

The miles are getting longer it seems the closer I get to you  
>I've not always been the best man or friend for you<br>But your love remains true  
>And I don't know why you always seem to give me another try<p>

Home by Daughtry

**Chapter 38: Resolve**

**BPOV**

I am enveloped in hopelessness and despair. My world crumbles before me as pain and anguish sweeps through every essence of my being. I clench tightly to our bracelet, trying desperately to hold on to a single shred of what we had, what we lost. I become vaguely aware that I am screaming and crying but all I can see are the flood of memories of my life with Edward. The next thing I feel are several strong arms and then a pinch and I know that they have given me something. I don't feel anything after that and when I become conscious again I am acutely aware of the constraints holding my wrists and ankles in place. I don't know how long I have been like this but they have an IV in my arm so it must have been more than a few days. I hear very little movement outside so it must be nighttime. I look around as best as I can and see him move from the corner.

_I watch as he walks towards me, my ghost Edward. I have missed him so much; whatever they gave me was strong. I have not dreamed and I can't remember anything. I know that this Edward is just a figment of my imagination; that he isn't real, but it's all that I have so I will take him without question. He looks like he always does which makes me sad. I hate that he has lost his vibrancy, that he's so lifeless._

"_You shouldn't look like this baby." I whisper to him._

_He walks over to my bed slowly and sits down. He starts running his fingers tenderly along my wrist constraints. He then traces the part of my wrist that is red from where I am always scratching it. He swallows hard and then looks up at me with his sad and desperate eyes._

"_Neither should you." He says._

"_I'm sorry, baby." I say as tears start falling down my cheeks._

_He leans over to me and wipes my tears away before he kisses me softly on my lips. I hear him sigh as he looks towards the door and then he is gone again._

I hear the nurse gasp and I turn my head allowing the tears to fall, knowing I have neither the means nor the will to stop them. She quickly walks over to me. Her name is Sammie and she has always been nice to me. She is one of the few staff people that don't treat the patients like the nut jobs they really are. She sits down next to me on the bed and gently wipes my eyes.

"I know this is hard for you. Being in here is not easy for anyone but I swear to you if you start talking again things will get better. I promise. Talking won't take away what happened to you but you might learn better ways to deal with it." She smiles at me and then checks my IV before walking out.

I know she is right. I need to get my shit together. I need Edward and they won't let me out of here until I can demonstrate my competence. I take a deep breath and resolve to do whatever they say I need to do. It's the only way I can get home.

* * *

><p>I hear Anna outside my door talking to Sammie about my progress last night. She sounds generally concerned about me and happy to hear that I am conscious again. When she walks in she pulls up the chair and sits down next to me.<p>

"How are you feeling today, Isabella?" she says warmly.

"Stupid. How long have I been like this?" I inquire.

"A week. We strapped you down because you became catatonic and you started hurting yourself when you would start moving. Can I take the straps off Isabella? Are you going to hurt yourself?" she asks calmly.

"I was catatonic?" I close my eyes, sighing. "Please, can you take the straps off? I won't hurt myself."

She starts unstrapping first my ankles and then my wrists, gently rubbing where the binds were. I take a few steadying breaths as she sits back in her chair. Catatonic. God! That's pretty bad. So _**they**_ didn't do anything to me, _**I**_ did something to me.

"Do you remember what happened?"

"I remember being at family day and my mom talking and then she handed me my bracelet. It was a gift from Edward and I don't know. I was overcome with… I don't know, sadness, grief, anguish, pain. I don't know how to describe what it felt like. I just know I don't want to feel that way again."

She reaches into her pocket and pulls out my bracelet. She looks at it and takes a deep breath.

"Let's talk about this bracelet Isabella."

I can feel my heart start racing and I know I need to calm myself down but it is so difficult. I reach my hand to her, motioning for it. She reluctantly hands it to me. I know she is taking a huge chance with me. Most people wouldn't do it. I hold the bracelet tightly and then fiddle with the charms a bit before laying it out flat on the bed between her and me, just like Edward did when he gave it to me.

"This is his heart that he gave to me." I lift the heart in the center.

"This represents me." I lift the caduceus.

"And this represents him." I say as I lift the book.

"We met at a Starbucks." I say grinning as I touch the coffee cup. She smiles at me because I already told her how I had picked him up.

"Our first date was on the waterfront in Seattle. I already told you how he took me to this fabulous restaurant. It was the first date I had ever been on." She looks at me stunned. "Yeah, I know, but it was. So after dinner we walked along the pier." I smile widely remembering the pier. "Chocolate covered strawberries are his favorite and we ate some on our date. So this represents our first date." I say as I play with the strawberry and then touch the disco ball.

"This represents our second date which was at a club called Trinity. God! We had so much fun that night. I met his sister that night and we hung out with his friends and Rosalie. Rosalie was my best friend in Seattle, I guess you would say." I frown slightly.

"Sounds like you miss her as well?"

"Yeah, I do. I am sure she is upset with me for leaving. I never really had friends growing up. She was my first one. I trust her completely which is a big thing for me. I miss talking to her. She really understood me." I feel tears come down face and wipe them away. "His friends and sister were all so accepting of me. I consider them all my friends now. I know that I have disappointed them as well." I sigh and then touch the rose.

"Edward was the first man that I ever cooked for. I invited him over for dinner and he brought me roses. We talked a lot that night. I told him about some of my history and he told me a lot about his. His previous girlfriend had committed suicide and he felt responsible for it. He is very caring and compassionate and it ate him up inside that he couldn't help her. The next day we talked more, played scrabble and watched a movie. It was such a spectacular day. You know, to just hang out with each other. Like a real couple would." I touch the totem pole next.

"The weekend we spent at Whidbey Island was beyond anything I could have ever imagined. He planned everything that weekend. He told me he loved me the first night but I was too scared to admit my feelings for him so I didn't say it back. The next day we looked around town and I bought him this book he wanted. He was so excited over something so minor." I smile remembering the look on his face when I said I was going to buy it.

"After the bookstore we went to the shore and we came across these totem poles near the top of the steps that lead to the beach. The picture you have in your office was taken at that beach." I pause again, reflecting on how perfect that weekend was. "Well anyway, I really liked the totem poles. This old man told us some really cool stories about their history so we decided to get a totem pole to represent the weekend." I let out a soft breathe as I touch the last charm.

"My dad died when I was 8 and I told Edward the story about how my dad and I used to stare at the stars together and how I used to talk to the moon and pretend it was my dad." I pause and wipe more tears from my eyes before continuing. "When we got the totem pole he picked this one out so that I could always have my dad with me no matter where I went."

"That's very beautiful Isabella. That was a very thoughtful gift."

I look at the charms, lightly running my fingers along them. "Can I put it on?"

She frowns slightly. "Just while we visit and then you need to give it back to me okay? You can't have jewelry on in the ward."

I nod and put it on, feeling calmer immediately. I start grinning as I play with the charms, listening to the noises they make as they touch one another. Next to Edward's sweet and melodious voice, these charms make the most heavenly sound.

"Is that where you normally wear it?" she asks.

"Yes, always. Why?"

"I suppose that's why you scratch at your wrist so much." She comments.

I sigh and nod because I figured that out a long time ago. She stays with me a while, way longer than an hour session. I spend the time talking about Edward and the things we did. The whole time I am playing with the bracelet and laughing. My God I haven't laughed in a long time. When she finally says she should check on some of her other patients I reluctantly take off the bracelet and hand it back to her.

"When I see you again you can wear the bracelet, as long as you continue to talk to me okay? Does that sound like a plan?" She says with a smile.

"Yeah, that sounds like something I can live with." I say sarcastically and then offer her a small smile.

She stares at me for a minute and then smirks before exiting my room. I like her. Not as much as I liked Dr. Masen, but I like her. And I know that she cares about me and wants me to get better.

* * *

><p>The next few weeks are significantly better. Anna and I are making progress so to speak. All I talk about is Edward but she doesn't seem to mind. True to her word she allows me to wear my bracelet during our sessions and lets me hold his picture. I just finished telling her about the Halloween party and we are both laughing at my antics with Tanya and the luck I have with ex's. She finally stops laughing and looks at me seriously.<p>

"I think we need to start addressing what happened with James." She says watching the sharp intake of breathe I take. "I know that talking about what happened with him is difficult but if we never address it you will never move forward from it."

"I know." I say looking down and running my fingers along my charms.

"I know what your mother has said but I would really like to hear it from you."

"My nightmares generally hover around one particular event with him although he was a very cruel person." I am still looking down. I take a deep breath and look up at her. "My breakdown was related to James."

"Will you tell me about it?" she says gently and calmly, just like Dr. Masen. Geez, that must be something they teach in therapy school.

I nod as I glance down at my bracelet and then turn to look at Edward's picture. If I love him as much as I say I do then I need to do this. I can't be all fucked up by this shit when I go back. That's what led me here in the first place. I open my mouth and then close it again. Why is this so damn hard?

"I understand this is difficult. I promise the first time is the hardest and then it will get easier."

I nod again. But this time when my mouth opens I can't stop the words that escape. I start talking about my insomnia, how I started hallucinating and seeing James everywhere, how I started taking the Trazedone and increasing my dosage to which she shakes her head at me. Yeah I know, stupid move on my part. I tell her about the surgery and how I had separated from my body when I attacked the girl's father and how I started drinking. I talked about the hospital and going home, Carlisle's visit and then finally deciding I needed to leave. All the while she is nodding at me and encouraging me to talk.

"It sounds like James has had an influence on a lot of your decisions. Are you still having nightmares about him?"

I run my fingers along Edward's face. "No, mostly I just see Edward but he doesn't look like he does here."

The minute the words come out of my mouth I regret them. Shit! I just admitted to a shrink that I am hallucinating. That wasn't very smart Swan.

"What does he look like?" She says, bringing me out of my worrisome thoughts.

"You're not going to recommend that I start taking some anti-psychotics are you?" I ask nervously.

"No, I don't think so but I need you to be honest with me."

I sigh, "He looks like a ghost. That's what I call him, my Ghost Edward. He is really skinny; with sad sunken in eyes, he is a shadow of the man I love. He is always sad when he talks to me."

"When do you usually see him?"

"At night mostly and I don't know, when I am upset he comes to me. Is that normal?"

"It actually is."

I look at his picture again, tracing his perfect lips. "I want him to look like this though."

"I don't think that's going to happen, Isabella."

I look up at her quickly, "WHY?" I can hear the anger in my voice.

"Because he's you Isabella. You see him that way because that's how you are. Have you seen yourself recently?"

Do I really look like that? I suppose I do. But really, I haven't looked at myself in a long time. I barely brush my hair out let alone groom myself. I am sure I have lost weight as well. I stare at her blankly. She looks down at the picture I am holding.

"If you want him to look like that then you need to take care of yourself. Does that make sense Isabella? He is a mirror of you."

She stands up and walks over to her desk. She starts rummaging through her drawers and then walks back over to me, handing me a mirror. I look at her with what I am sure is fear. I don't even remember the last time I looked at myself. She nods at me and I bring the mirror up and gasp.

I don't even recognize the woman I see. My hair is brushed at least but my skin is sallow, my eyes are sunken in and lifeless, my cheeks are hallowed and it is clear that I have lost a significant amount of weight. I watch tears fall down my cheeks and realize that she is right. What did I do to myself?

"What do you see Isabella?"

I shake my head and bring my legs up on her couch, trying as hard as I can to crawl into myself. I just cry and cry, trying to wrap my head around how things progressed to this point. Where exactly did my life go wrong? She doesn't say anything, she just lets me cry. When I finally have no more tears she starts talking again.

"Isabella. You need to let me help you." She says as she softly touches my shoulder.

"How?" I ask meekly.

She takes a soft breath and moves the hair out of my face. "It's not going to be easy, Isabella. In fact it's going to be really hard. We will talk about all those things that you don't want to talk about starting with James and your mother. We will develop other ways to deal with your pain but you will feel bad for a long time before you start feeling better. But, in time you _will_ start to feel better."

"You know, you aren't selling this therapy thing very well because feeling like shit doesn't sound too good to me." I say looking up to her, wiping my eyes.

The biggest grin comes across her face and she chuckles lightly. "Well, I thought you would appreciate me being straightforward with you. If you'd like I could give you the touchy feely, sugar coated response."

I laugh involuntarily and shake my head, "No. I would rather you tell it to me straight."

"That's what I thought." She says with a smile.

I look at the clock and realize my hour was up a while ago. I take a deep breath and take the bracelet off, handing it to her. I look at my Edward again and whisper I love you to him before handing it back to her.

"Thanks Anna. I'll see you in a few days." I say as I walk out of her door.

* * *

><p>The next several months were difficult but good. I did what Anna said at all times. She was right though. It was very hard. When I started talking about James he started entering my dreams again. And once James came back Edward stopped visiting me. I haven't seen him in over four weeks. Anna thinks that is a good thing but I'm not so sure about that. I miss him immensely. I understand that it was an unhealthy reflection but still.<p>

I have gained some of my weight back but I am probably still too thin but that is just going to have to wait until I get out of here because there is no way in hell I am eating more of this crappy food than I have to. I look better though, my color is back and I am trying hard to work on all my shit. Anna is really good with me. She lets me reminisce about Edward and then she reams me with some shit about James or my mom and how I let them sabotage my relationship with Edward. She is quick and knows how to explain things to me in a way that makes sense. Much the same way Dr. Masen did.

I am scheduled for discharge next week which should make me happy but instead I am a mess. I have been gone for close to six months now and I have been exceedingly more nervous and anxious the closer it gets to discharge. I want desperately to go back to Edward but I am filled with such fear that it is almost crippling.

"What are you thinking about Isabella?" Anna says sensing my chaotic inner dialogue.

I sigh, "I'm nervous about what's going to happen when I get out of here. What if I go back and Edward has had enough of my shit? What if he did what I said, what if he found someone else, what if…"

"Isabella… STOP!" she says forcefully.

I take a few steadying breaths. We have gone over this many times already but I just keep thinking about what I told him, how I just told him to forget about me. What if he actually did? Could I live with that? I mean, I would have to but… I hear Anna talking again.

"Now, there is always that possibility. We have talked about this right?" I nod at her. "There is no guarantee that he will want you back. In fact the odds that you will be able to just go home and pick up where you two left off are pretty minimal. In all likelihood you won't be able to do that."

I stare at her, anger bubbling under the surface. "Aren't you supposed to make me feel all damn warm and fuzzy inside?"

She lets out the loudest laugh. "Isabella. I thought you appreciated me being straight forward with you." I continue to stare at her and she shakes her head slightly. "But aside from that, did you see how you just took what I said and automatically jumped to a negative conclusion? Now what are you supposed to do when you do that?"

I sigh again. "I am supposed to close my eyes and touch my bracelet and count to five and then rephrase what I heard into something more positive."

"So why don't you practice that."

I close my eyes and fiddle with my charms while counting to five slowly. I then think about what she said. She said we wouldn't be able to just pick up where we left off. Well, I guess that's true because I am a different person now. Well, sort of. I hope the shitty parts are different. And I would imagine that he is a little different as well. So whatever happens with us will be new and with any luck better than it was. Hopefully, I will be able to take care of him versus him needing to take care of me.

"If we still love each other then we won't be able to pick up exactly where we left off because we have both changed, I am healthier now than I was when I left; so it would naturally be different which doesn't necessarily mean it would be bad."

"That's very good Isabella. Now, what is the plan?"

"I am going to stay at my mom's for a few days and then drive back to Seattle. Either way I need to know. If we can't be together then I will leave and find work somewhere else. If we can I will go grovel to Dr. Aro and ask for a second chance."

I frown at the prospect of having to beg for my job back especially from someone like Dr. Aro but I need to work. The other hospital, Mason, never has any openings but I will check just in case.

"Do you think he still loves me?" I ask as I look at her.

"I don't know Isabella. I don't know him like you do. It is possible that he has moved on like you told him to do."

I can feel tears forming in my eyes already just thinking about the prospect of having to live my life without him. Of him telling me I hurt him too much and that his heart couldn't take it. That he found someone else. That he still cares about me but doesn't love me anymore. I close my eyes and start playing with my charms again, trying to rephrase my thoughts, trying to find some kind of positive.

"I want to believe that he still loves me and that he isn't with anyone but I also know I have hurt him immensely. I remember what his voice sounded like when I called him on the road." I stop talking as tears start to fall.

"I guess you will just have to see how things pan out Isabella. You can't predict his behavior but you also can't focus on just the negative possibilities. There are positive possibilities as well. Can you think of what those might be?"

"I guess he could just say I don't care, I love you and I want you back." I let out a sigh and frown.

"You don't like that possibility?" she asks curiously.

"It's not that, it's just that… He has a tendency to just forgive all my mistakes without question. He never tells me I'm wrong or I fucked up. It makes it hard for me to know where the line is. He just gives up too much for me." I look down again, running my fingers along my charms.

"Well, then some kind of balance between the two extremes is what you should shoot for. It sounds like you both need to figure out how to have a healthy relationship with one another."

I nod as we continue to work through my plans. How I plan on handling Renee. I don't hate her anymore but I don't like her either. I am only going to stay with her for a few days and then I want to head out. It's definitely going to take me several days to get to Seattle since I am on a regular sleep schedule again. They don't have me on any sleep meds anymore which is great. I am getting between 7-8 hours of sleep a night which has really helped stabilize my moods and I am only on one psychotropic med right now, 40 mg of Celexa.

The next week goes by quickly and pretty soon I am saying goodbye to Anna and driving in my mom's car to her and Phil's house. My mom has been very talkative, trying to convince me to stay but I just can't. I need to go home and home is where ever Edward is. We all have dinner together but I am feeling very restless.

"Mom, I am going to the beach. I'll be back in a few." I say to her and Phil as I head towards the door.

"But it's night time?" She says with concern.

I sigh, "I know. I won't be long."

"Alright. Be careful." She says with a worried look on her face.

I walk along the pathway that leads to the beach. I set my blanket down and lean back on it, looking up at the night sky. It is so clear tonight. You can see so many stars and the moon is full and beautiful.

"Dad... I'm so scared. What if he says no, what if he doesn't forgive me? I don't know if I could take it. I wish you were here. You would know what to do."

I can feel the tears falling down my cheeks but I don't wipe them away. Anna said the tears are good, that they let the feelings out and that I should always cry when I feel like it. She said I always seem to make poor decisions and get in trouble when I try to stuff my feelings inside.

"I know I need to be strong Dad but I don't think I am. I feel so lost."

I start crying some more and then bring my hand over my eyes. The charms start making tingling noises and when I look at them the charms have shifted slightly on my wrist and the one facing me is the moon and star. I can't help but smile.

"Thank you Daddy." I say through my tears as I kiss his charm.

I lay on the beach for about an hour, feeling the warmth and serenity I used to feel whenever my dad was around. I know he is here with me and it fills me with such purpose. By the time I return to my mom's house and lie down I feel my father's strength and determination in me. I can do this.

* * *

><p>"Are you sure you can't stay Isabella?" My mom tries once more to convince me to stay a little longer.<p>

"Yes, I'm sure. I need to get home. I need him."

"Well, if it doesn't work out you can always come back here." She says softly.

"Thanks mom." I say as I hug her before gathering the rest of my things and getting into my car.

I mapped it out and it is going to take me about four days to get back to Seattle. I promised Anna and myself that I wouldn't drive more than 12 hours a day and that I would stop by 10:00 each night. That seems reasonable. But the closer I get to home the more nervous I become as panic starts to set in. I go through some of my breathing exercises and do my best to remember not to turn everything into a catastrophe before it actually _is_ a catastrophe.

When I pass Spokane I have to turn into a rest area because I feel so nauseous. I sit there for a good hour trying to get my shit together. I go through the many exercises Anna taught me and after a little bit I am able to get back on the road. When I pull into Seattle I can't help myself and the next thing I know I find myself driving by his house. I sigh when I only see the Truck out front. Damn it! He isn't home. Well I am not supposed to see him first anyway but I am still disappointed.

When I pull up to the building my nerves are shot again but I need to do this. I take a deep breath and walk in, knowing exactly where I am going. I see her the minute I walk in. She looks up at me and brings her hand to her mouth.

"Isabella." She rasps out.

"Can we talk for a moment?"

"Of course. Come on back."

I follow Dr. Masen back to her office and sit on the couch. I look longingly at the window I spent so much time at but I don't get up. I need to do this here. I look at her and she is staring at me. I am not sure what she is thinking but she walks over and sits down in the chair near the couch.

"You look good Isabella."

I smile. "Thank you." I look down for a moment trying to remember everything I wanted to say.

"Does he know you are here?"

I shake my head as I look at her. "No I came here first. I needed to talk to you."

"Oh?" she says confused and a tad nervous.

"I wanted to apologize for what I did to you. I should have never put you in that position. It wasn't fair to him and it certainly wasn't fair to you, especially after all that you did for me. I hope you understand that I was really in a bad place when I left."

"I do Isabella." She says serenely.

I pause for a moment and then whisper out softly, "How is he?"

She frowns which makes me nervous again. "He is better Isabella."

I nod and look down. Her saying he is better has me a bit worried. I mean better because he is with someone or better because he was so fucked up before? Either of which I know is my fault. I close my eyes and touch my bracelet, counting to five slowly. I hear Anna's voice say to me "stop turning everything into a catastrophe" and that makes me settle my internal ramblings a bit.

"Are you going to see him?" She seems really worried. Not that I blame her. I would be if I were her. I look up at her again.

"Yes. If you think that's okay. If he is with someone or something I don't want to make things worse for him. I just…" I don't know what I want to say. I look down again, touching my bracelet, trying to steady my crazy thoughts.

"I won't say anything to him Isabella, just in case you change your mind. I think that would be extremely difficult for him to know you were here and that he didn't see you." I frown at her.

"Esme…" God that's kind of weird to call her that but she doesn't seem to mind.

"I know that me showing up here is completely unexpected and it is probably going to be difficult for both of us. I have already gone through all the negative possibilities imaginable but I am choosing to focus on the positive ones. I owe him that." I take a breath as I watch her close her eyes.

"I really need to see him. I know that I have hurt him and I don't want to do that again. So if you think seeing me will hurt him then I won't do it and I will ask that maybe you help me figure out a way to do this in a good way. I just… I just miss him and I need him terribly. I can't do this without him. I was so wrong and the way I left was not right. I know that now. I should have listened to you. You were begging me to stay and I didn't, instead I put you in an impossible situation that no mother should be put in. I was such a mess for so long. I just…"

I am crying as I am talking and finally just stop, trying to catch my breath and steady my breathing. She opens her eyes and they are wet with tears. She smiles at me and reaches over gently touching my leg.

"He needs you too Isabella." She takes a breath. "Maybe we could do something tomorrow. I will be off and then I can be around just in case either of you needs me. But I don't foresee that being the case."

"That sounds reasonable." I say a little disappointed that I can't see him tonight.

"Where are you staying?" she asks as she grabs a Kleenex, wiping under her eyes.

"I booked a room at the Edgewater." I say as I grab some Kleenex as well.

"I see." She says with a smile. She knows the significance of that place for Edward and me.

I smile and then stand up. "I better go. I know you have patients waiting."

She gets up as well and pulls me into a hug, "I am so glad you came back Isabella."

"Me too." I whisper against her, trying to fight back tears.

I have really missed talking to her. Granted I really wanted to go see Edward tonight but I need to not act impulsively here. I told myself I would do whatever she said and if she thinks I should wait until tomorrow then I will wait until tomorrow. I leave her office feeling so optimistic about seeing Edward. She said he needs me too and that thought alone fills me with such overwhelming happiness and excitement. I can barely contain myself.

I jump in my car and head towards the Edgewater to check in. I feel so damn drained. Emotionally I have been all over the place and that has left me feeling exhausted. I know that Anna says I am not supposed to take naps but just a quick one shouldn't hurt me or trigger my insomnia. I will just set my alarm so I don't sleep too long. I lie on the bed and fall into a restful sleep.

* * *

><p>When I awoke from my nap I quickly showered and changed into a nice dress. It is one of those dresses with the flowing skirts that fall just above my ankles and I pair it with a nice pair of pumps. As I walk into the Six Seven restaurant I am flooded with so many memories. God he was so handsome that night. Well every night really, but seeing him in that suit for the first time took my breath away.<p>

"_Dance with me Isabella."_

"Madame"

I turn to the maître d and smile. I describe where Edward and I sat on our date and ask if I can sit there. He smiles and shows me to the table. I have decided that I am going to follow the path we took on our first date. If I can't see him tonight I figure this is the best way to be connected to him.

_"You deserve to be treated as the most beautiful woman in the world because that is what you are. I am only sorry that no one has ever showed you that before."_

The maître d takes me to the table and I order an iced tea and look out over the water. I glance back at the table and can see him across from me, holding my hands in his as he gently strokes my knuckles. He is looking up at me from under those extremely long lashes of his and my heart skips a beat as I close my eyes, flooded with memories.

"_I want to give you everything and be everything for you. That is the minimum I am prepared to offer because that's how special you are."_

After dinner I go into the Starbucks and grab a cup of coffee, unfortunately they don't have any strawberries. Man, that's too bad. I smile though as I remember the look on his face and the giggle that escaped his sexy mouth as strawberry juice and chocolate dripped from his lips. I continue down memory lane by stopping at the fountain. I close my eyes remembering his arms around me.

_"I think we should make a wish," he whispers against my ear._

_Oh god, just feeling his mouth so close to me sends shivers over my entire body and has it begging for his touch._

_"Hmm?" is all I am able to say._

_"We should make a wish." He says again while kissing me lightly on the neck, just below my ear. "Should we make a joint wish?"_

_"Do you have something in mind?" I ask as I tilt my head to the side allowing him better access to my neck._

_"How about, to possibilities." He whispers and my body hums._

_"Yes, to possibilities," I say._

I dig into my purse, grabbing a coin and tossing it in, whispering the word _possibilities_ as it hits the water. I still believe in our possibilities baby. God! I hope you do too. I continue walking along until I come to the Pirates Plunder. I stop in front, bringing my hand over my heart. I am flooded with so many images that I can't even think straight. He was always so fucking sexy in that store, playing like he was a little kid with all the goofy toys and gag gifts.

I take a few steadying breaths before I continue to walk along the pier until I reach our spot. I walk to the bench, running my hand on the top of it remembering making love to him, how perfect he was and how utterly fucked up I was back then. I close my eyes, lost in the memory.

_"You feel so good baby." I whisper in between kisses, "Do you like being inside me?"_

_"Oh God, yes." He replies raggedly._

_I am moving up and down on him, circling my hips every time I come down, but I can't get a good enough angle from this position. He is breathing hard now and kissing me even harder. Any reluctance he had is gone._

_"Take my heels off Edward." I say forcefully to him._

_He stares at me for a second, confused, before he leans over to take my heels off my feet and drops them to the ground. When he does that, I smile. I then move up slightly as I bring my legs up to the bench so that my feet are touching the back of it. I grab the top of the bench and start moving up and down and around him again. Oh yeah, now this will work. I start kissing him fiercely as we devour each other's mouth. We are moving together quickly and I can feel myself building. Who am I kidding? I have been building since I saw him at the door. He is biting on my lip, moving my hips and moaning my name._

_"Bella, Oh God, I can't wait."_

I open my eyes and walk over to the railing looking out at the water and sighing deeply. I miss him so much. I can feel tears starting to form in my eyes. There is a light breeze that is blowing my skirt and my hair around but it isn't too cool. The breeze feels so good and inviting. My senses are overwhelmed. I look down and close my eyes, listening to the sound of the water hitting below, feeling Edward everywhere around me. I hear a loud gasp and turn just as Edward whispers out.

"Isabella?"

My heart stops just seeing his beautiful face. He looks different but the same. What is he doing here? I bring my hand over my heart as tears start to fall from my eyes. All my fear, all my anxiety, all my worry evaporates at the sight of him. The only thing I feel is love and complete adoration to the only man I will ever want or need.

"Edward." I say breathless.

* * *

><p><strong>AN….I know, I know…. Sorry I had to end it there but aren't you just happy she's back? Now, they have a lot to deal with so let's just hope they are both able to really hear each other and that our girl can think before acting. WooHoo… **_**Reunited and it feels so good! **_**(yeah, yeah… I know I am dating myself with that musical reference…LOL)… *SIGH* I am so damn thirsty, lemonade anyone?**

**A couple of quick notes:**

**1. Hot diggity dog! How many have already seen Breaking Dawn? I am happy to say that I was able to hit up the Twilight Marathon…OMG! 8 blissful hours with Robward was divine. And, I have come to the conclusion that Bill Condon is a GOD! BD was beautiful, sexy, hilarious and intense. What was added was perfect and what was left out wasn't really missed. I NEED to see it again immediately...LOL**

**2. As an added treat for you I have posted ANOTHER outtake, this time in honor of the release of Breaking Dawn because hot damn I have been waiting a long time for that movie. Remember the outtakes can be found on my profile page in the TMH Outtakes & Extras Link. Now many have asked what Carlisle said to Jake and various other things so I have done a Carlisle outtake for you. It takes place during Chapter 37 but there are some flashbacks to previous chapters as well and maybe a few things to get your wheels a spinning. So enjoy Daddy C!**

**3. I want to rec a story I am beta'ing for my girl Chris (AKA kalinca62) it is called Before the Bloodlust Begins. It is set in 1918 before Edward is turned. She takes a fun and interesting look at what it would have been like for Edward to have courted Bella like he said in Eclipse. There will be drama and of course some angst as well, he is turned into a vampire after all…LOL… so anyway. Check it out! The story link is www fanfiction net/s/7504908/1/**


	40. Ch 39: Second Chances

**Rating: M- For lemons (lots of them), language and situations. So this means if you're under 16 please be responsible for yourself.**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer is the sole owner of the world of Twilight. I am just having a little harmless fun with her characters.**

**Okay, I know I left you all hanging after last chapter. My betas have already chastised me for my cliffy…LOL… SO, since it **_**is**_** a holiday thought I would hook you all up with the chapter early, didn't think you would mind.**

**Once again thank you to my amazing Beta's A & C for your guidance, encouragement & support. You girls know I got nothing but love for ya! Now, I have added some pictures to the blog. I know, I know, it's been awhile…LOL… The song for this chapter was recommended by my girl Amanda. I had never heard of this group or song before but the minute I heard it I knew what chapter I was going to use it for. I think it is a beautiful song and reflects where Bella is at.**

**Alrighty then… I know you are all excited to get down to business so here we go.**

* * *

><p>Now I know I messed up bad<br>You were the best I ever had  
>I let you down in the worst way.<br>It hurts me every single day  
>I'm dying to let you know<p>

Now I'm here to say I'm sorry and ask for a second chance  
>Cause when it all comes down in the end I could sure use a friend<p>

So many things I would take back  
>You were the best I ever had<br>I don't blame you for hating me  
>I didn't mean to make you leave<p>

You and I were living like a love song  
>I feel so bad, I feel so bad that you're gone<br>Now I know you're the only one that I want  
>I want you back, I want you<p>

Now I'm here to say I'm sorry and ask for a second chance  
>Cause when it all comes down in the end I could sure use a friend<p>

Best I Ever Had by State of Shock

**Chapter 39: Second Chances**

**BPOV**

I open my eyes and walk over to the railing, looking out at the water and sighing deeply. I miss him so much. I can feel tears starting to form in my eyes. There is a light breeze that is blowing my skirt and my hair around but it isn't too cool. The breeze feels so good and inviting. My senses are overwhelmed. I look down and close my eyes, listening to the sound of the water hitting the dock below, feeling Edward everywhere around me. I hear a loud gasp and turn just as Edward whispers out.

"Isabella?"

My heart stops just seeing his beautiful face. He looks different but the same. What is he doing here? I bring my hand over my heart as tears start to fall from my eyes. All my fear, all my anxiety, all my worry evaporates at the sight of him. The only thing I feel is love and complete devotion to the only man I will ever want or need.

"Edward." I say breathless.

He starts walking over to me slowly. He seems hesitant which sort of scares me. Maybe he isn't happy that I am back. I instinctually reach my hand out to him and a small smile comes across his face as he takes it. He immediately pulls me to him and holds me tightly against his chest. I can hear his heart beating quickly as he breathes into my hair.

"You're real." he whispers.

"I am now." I reply quietly.

We hold each other, not saying anything, just crying softly against one another. I step away from him slightly, looking at his troubled face. His eyes are still wet and his face is fraught with concern. I just need to touch him. I bring my hand to his cheek and he closes his eyes, opening his mouth slightly. I run my fingertips along his jaw, letting my fingers trace across his chin and then I gently stroke his lips with my thumb. I move my fingers under his eyes and wipe away the tears that he is shedding. My heart is beating so fast. I know we need to talk but right now I just want to feel him near me, to feel his lips on mine. My body is already responding to him, the dormant sexual desire within me awakened by his presence.

He opens his eyes and then brings his hand to my face. I close my eyes and breathe in deeply as he traces the contours of my face and when his lips touch mine I cry out for him, torn between my escalating desire and the regret I feel for the pain I have caused. He pulls me close and kisses me with an intensity I have never experienced before. Every lonely night, every dream of him, every day I hurt because I missed him so much is wiped away with that single kiss. He still loves me and the thought overwhelms me as I find myself falling to the ground, lightheaded and breathless.

He catches me and pulls me onto his lap while he leans against the railing of the pier, his hand starts moving up and down my back as I cry into his shirt. This isn't what I wanted. I didn't want him to feel like he still needs to take care of me. I'm better now. But I can't seem to articulate any words. It's like my body has taken over and is in need of his closeness and nothing else. He brings his hand into my hair and then kisses the top of my head. I don't know how long we sit like this but eventually my breathing starts to regulate and my heart rate normalizes.

"We really need to talk." I whisper against his chest.

He lets out a soft sigh, "I know." He says as he kisses the top of my hair again.

"I booked a room at the Edgewater. We could go there."

I feel him smile against my hair. "Okay, but let me drive us there."

I nod and take a deep breath as I reluctantly move away from him. I stand up, brushing my skirt down and reach my hand towards him. He gives me my favorite smile as he takes my hand in his and my heart races excitedly. We walk to his car in silence as he holds my hand tightly. On our way to the hotel I find myself just looking out the window lost in thought and when the car stops I am actually startled by the door opening. Edward is around to my side quicker than I thought possible, taking my hand in his as he hands his keys to the valet.

When we get to the room, I find myself stumbling with the key. My nerves are completely shot in anticipation of the conversation we need to have. I feel his hand come over mine and take the key from me, opening the door easily. I take a deep breath and walk to one of the chairs, removing my bag that is laying on it. I motion for him to sit down as I take the other chair. I am already aching to be near him again. God! How am I ever going to do this?

I close my eyes and begin fiddling with my bracelet, trying to get my words together when all I want to do is make love to him. When I open my eyes he is watching me intently and my breathing picks up again. I stand up and walk towards the glass patio door, looking out at the water, trying to get my bearings. I know I am procrastinating but I am at a loss. I didn't anticipate feeling so lost and confused in his presence. All my carefully conceived ideas about how I was going to do this seem so wrong right now. I place my forehead against the door, closing my eyes, trying to decide my next course of action.

Before I can decide anything I feel his arms wrap around my waist and his body flush against mine. He is kissing down my neck and moving his hand slowly over my breast. My breath hitches and my heart begins to race as I turn around to face him. I place my arms around his neck and immediately move my hands into his soft hair. I tug on it lightly and he moans against my neck as he begins sucking my flesh into his mouth.

"Touch me Isabella." He breathes heavily against me, "Please… Touch me." he pleads.

I feel tears against my neck and I know I can't deny him. We can talk later, right now he needs me. Hell, I need him just as much. I move one of my hands from his hair and bring it to his jeans, moving my hand over his now prominent bulge, stroking him slowly. He grunts against my skin and starts kissing up and down my neck until he finally finds my lips again. He captures them in his, moving his tongue inside my mouth, not holding anything back as his tongue twists and turns around mine.

I quickly move my other hand away from his hair and undo his pants, moving my hand inside to touch his hot flesh. The minute my hand makes contact with him we both moan loudly into each other's mouths. He stops kissing me briefly while he catches his breath and watches my hand moving up and around his ever hardening cock. He is already seeping pre-cum so I gently move my thumb across his tip spreading the wetness around his head. He does the sexiest moan gasp that I have ever heard, fueling the fire burning within me.

I push his jeans and boxers down and grab the hem of his shirt pushing it up. He grabs it to pull it over his head as I move my hands up his taut stomach and bring my mouth over his left then right nipple as I start kissing every inch of his chest. My hands begin moving up and down his back, and then squeezing his ass while pulling him towards me. His cock is rubbing up against me making me wet with desire. I let out a loud growl as I walk him back towards the bed. When his legs touch the edge, he plops down looking up at me with the most spectacular smile I have ever seen which leaves me absolutely dumbstruck. How could I have left this man?

I push him down and immediately get on my knees placing his warm cock in my mouth. He moans as I move my tongue around him, remembering every ridge, every taste, and every smell. Would it be strange if I said that I truly missed giving him head? He is moaning and writhing underneath me and I know I need to slow things down or I am going to make him come much too soon. I don't know about him but I haven't had an orgasm since I left and the wetness in my panties is confirmation of that fact. I am about to explode and he hasn't even touched me yet.

Suddenly he sits up, pulling my mouth away from his cock and pulling me up so that he can kiss me again. He continues kissing me heatedly as he reaches his hands behind me and unzips my dress, pushing it off of my shoulders. When it falls to the ground he moves his hands back up my back unsnapping my bra and letting it fall to the ground as well. He begins moving his hands over my breasts, then stops, looking up at me with a confused expression on his face.

I run my fingers down his jaw, "I'll explain later."

He nods and then moves his mouth over my nipple, and uses his fingers to tweak the other one. I know he is wondering why I no longer have nipple rings but I think telling him I had to remove them when I was in the psych ward might just ruin the mood. I run both my hands in his hair, tugging on it, marveling at how soft it is, and remembering how my ghost Edward had such brittle hair. This is real, this is my Edward and I have to fight back the tears that are threatening to come out. He moves his hand down to my panties pushing them off as his fingers rub tight circles against my clit before he finally moves them inside of me.

"You're so wet baby." He moans against my nipple.

My walls automatically start contracting around his long fingers as he pumps them into me over and over again. My body starts trembling as he moves his mouth to my other nipple, biting on my tender flesh. Before I know it I am coming gloriously around his fingers and he is moaning against me. He pulls his fingers out of me and brings them up my back again. I need to feel him inside of me. I push him back so that he is lying on the bed.

"Move up the bed, baby." I say breathless, "I need to feel you inside of me."

He moves us up the bed eagerly and I get above him coming down on him slowly. Once my hips are against his I stop, my breathing is ragged as I close my eyes. He feels so good. God I have missed the feeling of his cock filling me. I open my eyes and see that his are closed and his mouth is open slightly. He brings his hands to my hips as he slowly opens his eyes; I start moving up and down in a slow and steady rhythm. He is watching me with dark eyes as I run my fingers along his chest. I bring my hand to his face, cupping his cheek as I continue to move him in and out of me.

"I love you baby." I whisper.

He lets out a quick breath and sits up, capturing my mouth with his again and kissing me fiercely. He flips me on my back, being careful not to sever our connection, as he hovers deliciously above me. He continues kissing me as he starts moving slowly, trying to make this last as long as possible. He touches my forehead with his as we both watch his cock move in and out of me, wet and slick from my previous orgasm. Then he kisses me tenderly on the lips.

"I love you so much. Don't ever leave me again." He says determinedly.

I start shaking my head, "I'll never leave again."

He starts kissing me urgently, I can barely breathe; he is literally taking my breath away. He pulls away from me, stopping his movement within me.

"I barely survived being without you." He looks at me with tears in his eyes, "I know I couldn't survive if I had to do it again."

The tears I was trying so hard to contain find their voice, I am trembling underneath him, and with a shaky breath I reply firmly, "My life was meaningless without you. You are everything to me." I begin whimpering as my tears overtake me. "I'm so sorry. Please forgive me."

He nods and starts kissing me again. He starts picking up his pace, moving in and out of me quickly, whispering that he loves me with every thrust he makes. I arch my hips, feeling every inch of him moving inside of me as I meet him thrust for thrust. I know I am close again, I can feel myself building. He lifts my hips and shifts his position, hitting my sweet spot. I start moaning and screaming loudly as I come undone.

"Edward… Oh God! I love you." I scream as my walls tighten around him.

He thrusts into me, moaning loudly and saying my name over and over again as he releases inside of me, his body stilling above me and then collapsing on top of me. We are both breathing hard as he pulls out of me. He rolls on his back bringing me along with him and I wrap my arms around his chest, never wanting to let him go, and thinking what an idiot I was for leaving him in the first place. We lay like this for a long time, him playing in my hair and me running my fingers up and down his chest.

I know we need to start talking. Sex was never an issue for us. It's what we know. It's what we were always good at. But I can't hold anything back from him. He needs to know what happened and why. He deserves that and then he can decide if he still wants to be with me or not.

"Edward." I say as I look up at him.

"Hmmm." Is the response I get.

I move away from him slowly so that I can look at him. His smile leaves his face and his brow furrows immediately. He looks worried again. I guess I don't blame him. I am not usually very forthcoming about things.

"I know that I hurt you when I left. I'm so sorry baby." I pause closing my eyes for a moment.

"It's okay. You're here now." He whispers and I sigh.

I look at him, frowning. "Edward… It's not okay! What I did was so wrong and far from being okay."

Now he is frowning, "You want me to be angry at you? I'm sorry I can't. I know I pushed you away. I …"

"Edward, stop it." I say cutting him off.

I take a deep breath and run my fingers along his furrowed brow. I trace over his lips again and smile at him.

"This isn't your fault. You didn't do anything wrong. This was about me. I was pretty messed up. All you wanted to do was love me and take care of me but that was really hard for me to accept. When I left you I was in bad shape. I was hallucinating about James; I didn't know how to deal with anything. When your dad came by to talk to me about you quitting school, I don't know, it seemed like I was ruining your life. I really felt like with me gone that your life could go back to normal, that you wouldn't be sad or worried. What could I offer you aside from great sex? I was messed up. I didn't know how to love. I couldn't give you what you deserved. I still don't know if I can."

"I'm sorry I wasn't able to show you how special you are. How much I need you." He says closing his eyes.

"Edward, baby… why do you think you aren't enough for me when clearly you are the kindest and most compassionate person I have ever met." I say running my fingers down his face.

He sighs, "I love you so much and it's more than sex Isabella. I loved you the day we met. But you're wrong. I wasn't enough. I wasn't enough to make you happy."

I stare at him. Is that really what he believes? I close my eyes and start fiddling with my bracelet again, trying to think of all the brilliant things I had mapped out to say to him, to explain what happened. But, I don't know, him thinking he wasn't enough for me wasn't even a thought that entered my mind. How could he believe that?

"Edward. You are more than enough. It was me. I wasn't enough. I was so unhealthy. What James did to me, losing my dad, being rejected by my mom. All those things made me believe that I couldn't trust people, that no one would ever love me, that I wasn't good enough. When I met you, I had hope for the first time in my life but I didn't trust it. I kept waiting for something bad to happen to prove that I wasn't good enough to have happiness."

I cup his face, "You challenged everything I believed to be true and I couldn't handle it. This wasn't about you. You were perfect." I frown, remembering what Anna said to me. "You were perfect for me. I wasn't ready for it though."

"And you are now?" he asks hopeful.

"I believe so..." I sit up completely and look at him. "You give me too much, you want to please me so bad that you don't ever tell me no, you don't show me where the line is. Anna told me it's like I was a little kid and you giving me everything was bad parenting on your part, I don't know, like spoiling me or something like that." I pause thinking that didn't sound quite right, "Well, it sounded better when she said it."

"Who's Anna?" he inquires.

"She was my counselor." I pause realizing I started from the end and not the beginning.

"Like I said before, when I left you I was a mess. I drove 36 hours straight to Chicago where I proceeded to stay drunk for a week. Maid service found me unconscious in my hotel room and I was admitted into Cook County Hospital. I hadn't eaten in a week, all I did was drink and apparently I wrote a note saying I wanted to die."

He flinches and I know he is remembering Kate and my overdose.

"Baby, I wasn't trying to kill myself. Well, maybe not consciously. Anyway, they admitted me to a psychiatric hospital. After I called you I broke my phone so the only number they had was my mom's. So she comes down and talks to the judge and they ended up transferring me to a facility in Jacksonville. That's where I have been the entire time I was gone. I was released a week ago."

He has tears in his eyes as he sits up completely and then kisses me softly.

"I knew you were hurting. I could tell. About three months ago I had my dad do a search because I couldn't shake the feeling that you were in pain and that you were really hurting. When he got the results my mom said she thought you were going to be okay but I didn't trust them so I had Em and Jazz look at what the investigator found out and they said you were pretty messed up but that you were better."

I am looking at him incredulously. He seriously had someone track me down? I'm not sure how I feel about that.

"I was pretty messed up the first three months I was in the hospital. I didn't talk to anyone for two months. I was sedated and restrained a few times and at one point I guess I was catatonic but I don't really remember that. It was horrible being in there but I figured after what I did to you I deserved it."

He frowns at me, "What does that mean, to be catatonic?"

I sigh, "It just means that I was unresponsive to external stimuli. It was like being in a coma but still being conscious, the only thing they said I did was…" I pause.

"What? What did they say you did?" he asks, clearly concerned.

"I wouldn't move for a long time and then I would just start scratching my wrist until it would bleed. And then I would just stop. I didn't talk or make eye contact with anyone. They just started strapping me down because they weren't sure what I was going to do and they were worried I was going to hurt myself."

I am trying to make it sound like it wasn't so bad but I can tell by the look on his face that I am not being successful on that front. He is watching me and I can see that he is trying to hold back tears as he takes my wrists and looks at them. He moves my bracelet and traces over the marks there. He is touching my wrists like my ghost Edward used to. That's kind of strange. My wrist isn't nearly as bad as it used to be. In fact it is almost invisible now, since I have not been scratching it for several months.

"I had a really hard time being away from you." I say softly as I look down.

"Me too baby." He says as he kisses my lips ever so softly, "What changed though? You said the first three months, what about the last three?"

"After I came out of my catatonic state I realized with no uncertainty that I needed to get back to you but I didn't want to be all fucked up when I did, so I started doing the work. It helped that my mom gave Anna our bracelet and your picture. Anna let me wear the bracelet in our sessions and let me hold your picture. It helped me feel close to you, connected to us. Anna was real good. She reminded me of your mom. She helped me work through a lot of stuff. She weaned me off the meds they were giving me and now I just take Celexa to help stabilize my anxiety and depression."

"How can I help?" he asks as he moves a strand of my hair behind my ear.

"Just don't always tell me yes and don't let me keep shit from you. It's when I hold things in that I start acting stupid. My head can be a really fucked up place to be sometimes. I don't think that will ever go away but I am trying to control it. I know it sounds weird but I really do need boundaries. I have no idea about relationships and how to do them right. I don't even know what is appropriate or not. You can't be afraid to tell me no."

He takes a deep breath, running his hand through his hair.

"That's going to be hard to do. It's, I don't know, in my nature I guess, to want to please you, to make you happy. I have a really hard time denying you anything."

I smile, "Well, I guess you saying no and me accepting that no are things we both need to work on."

He grins and starts kissing me again. I have missed kissing him so badly. He has the softest and most perfect lips on a man and I can just get lost in them. I pull away from him slightly and remember what Dr. Masen said to me earlier. I open my mouth to say something and then close it again, pausing for a moment and looking down.

"What is it?" he asks concerned.

"I saw your mom today."

"You did?" he asks curiously.

"I wanted to apologize to her for putting her in the position I did. She begged me to stay and talk about things but I didn't. I felt bad later, when I started healing I felt horrible about what I did, I should have never made her do that." I sigh and shake my head slightly and then look at him, "When I asked her how you were she kind of frowned and said you were better. What did she mean by that?"

He closes his eyes and brings his hand to his hair, then rests it on his chest, taking slow steady breaths. That's when I notice it. What the fuck? I grab his hand, turning it up and down, frowning. He tries to pull his hand away from me but I tug it back. I start counting the stitches and start examining each of his fingers, knuckles, and hand. I can feel where it was reset, he has calcium deposits in places there shouldn't be any. When I look at him he is looking at me with sadness in his eyes and I know without a doubt he did this to himself.

"Edward what did you do? There are at least 30 stitches here and it feels like your hand had to be reset." I say it calmly but my facial expression I am sure reveals the concern I have.

He closes his eyes again, pulling his hand away from me. "I hit that glass wall near the door." He pauses and then opens his eyes, "Five times."

There are tears in my eyes now. "When? When did you do this?" but I know by the look on his face the answer to that question.

I close my eyes feeling the tears streaming down my face. He hurt himself because of me. I grab my wrist again, counting to five as I hold my bracelet, taking long steady breaths in and out. I am trying to rephrase this situation but I can't think of any positive thing that could come out of him breaking his hand because I left him.

"Isabella… Please don't." he says calmly, touching my cheek.

"You did that when I left didn't you?" I whisper between my tears.

He sighs, "Yes I did. I had 38 stitches and broke my hand. I didn't sever any nerves or anything so they said I was lucky. The first week it really hurt but after they took the stitches out and casted it, it wasn't so bad. It was mostly just a nuisance."

I fling myself into him, wrapping myself around his torso. I kiss his chest as he moves his fingers into my hair.

"I'm so sorry baby. I never wanted you hurt." Then I look up at him quickly, "What about school? Did you get your thesis in?"

He frowns at me and I'm not sure what that means but he lays my head back down against his neck and continues to play in my hair.

"I got everything in okay. I will be graduating next month with honors." He says solemnly.

I move to look at him smiling widely and am confused by his expression, "You're not happy about that?"

"It's not that. It's just that when you left it all seemed so insignificant. I am glad I finished and I am proud that I did well but not having you there with me, it wasn't worth it. I would have rather had you."

I nod. "I can understand that baby but it is still something to be proud of."

I lay against him but this time I am on my back as I take his hand again. I run my fingers along his hand and then bring it to my mouth, kissing every place he hurt himself. The doctor who stitched him up didn't do a great job but I am not going to say anything to him about that. Based on these injuries he really is lucky he didn't sever any of his nerves. When I have finished kissing his knuckles I bring his hand to my face and kiss his palm.

He smiles at me and runs his hands over my body. He leans in and kisses me softly. He then twirls his fingers around my nipples.

"What happened to your rings?"

"They took them when I was admitted to the hospital." I smile as I look at him, "Do you miss them?"

He blushes slightly and then lays me on my back while he moves in a position to kiss each of my nipples. "Yes, I miss them."

He moves on top of me, grinning as he starts massaging my breasts. "Does that mean we get to pay a visit to the piercing parlor again?" he says wagging his eye brows at me.

"Depends." I say arching my brow.

"On what, pray tell?" he says as he starts tweaking my nipples.

I inhale sharply, "Will you pierce something?"

He stops his movements and grins slightly, "You want me to pierce _something_?"

I grin at him, "How about your cock? That would feel fucking awesome."

He jumps off of me laughing, "There is no way in hell I am piercing my cock, Bella."

"Ah, come on. You'd like it." I say seductively as I run my fingers down his chest and pull on some of the hair on his oh so happy trail.

He kisses me softly. "No, Isabella." Then the biggest smile comes across his face, "Hey, what do you know? I can say no to you."

I stick my bottom lip out in a pout and he grins again, touching my lip with his finger tip, "No Bella, not happening."

I start laughing and push him away from me playfully. He pulls me back to him giggling and the sound makes my heart literally skip a beat. I jump on top of him, straddling his lap, and running my fingers along his stomach. He has lost some weight but he is still stunning. I lean down and pull on his nipple, grinning at him as I start moving down his stomach, working my way down to his cock. I position myself between his legs and put his head in my mouth, sucking on it while working my tongue in and around his slit.

He grips the comforter for support as he starts grunting and groaning. He immediately starts bucking his hips into me, forcing his cock further into my mouth. I move my hands to his thighs and spread his legs apart allowing me better access to him. I start working my mouth around him, moving him all the way back to my throat. I do that several times before kissing and licking the underside of his cock and finally placing his balls into my mouth. I sweep my tongue around them as my hand strokes his length slowly. He is gripping the comforter tightly as he starts rasping and grunting and mumbling incoherently while he starts thrusting in my hand.

"Bella… Oh… God… God… fuuucccckkkk…"

I move my mouth away from his balls and sweep my tongue along the sensitive skin that leads to his ass. His hips are now completely off the bed, his eyes are closed tightly and the sexiest noises are escaping that perfect mouth of his. I smile as I move my mouth over his cock and let him shove into me. I hallow out my cheeks and let him fuck my mouth as vigorously as he wants. He lets go of the comforter and grabs my face, holding me in place as he starts thrusting into my mouth, hitting the back of my throat several times.

"BELLA!" He screams

I know he is about to come so the next thrust he makes I apply more suction and scrap my teeth along his flesh as his whole body shakes with the force of his orgasm. I continue to suck him hard and forcefully, as his body falls limp underneath me, trembling and dripping with sweat. When his dick is flaccid and completely satiated I move up the bed and hold him close to me.

He looks at me with glazed eyes and a lazy grin, and I can't help but smile. I know that look too well. My baby is about to pass out. I grin and pull him over to me and he immediately wraps around me, smiling widely as he entwines his legs with mine, and within minutes he is snoring softly into my neck.

I doze off and am awoken by the sound of his phone. I glance at him and he is out cold. I slip out from underneath him and grab his phone. I don't want him to wake up. I get to it just as it stops. Then I hear buzzing and look to see that he is getting a text message. I stare at it for a long time trying to decide if I should look at it. I don't want whoever it is to keep calling. What if it is important?

I slip back into the bed and when it buzzes with another new text I sigh and hit open. He has several missed calls from both Jasper and Emmett and several text messages from Emmett it looks like. I start reading the messages that started several hours ago.

*****E, I am running a bit late, we will meet you in an hour*****

***** We're at the house? Your car isn't here*****

***** Where the fuck are you E? We've been waiting for an hour. I'm starving!*****

*****Your mom just called looking for you. Where are you? Are you okay?*****

*****E, seriously I am not sure if I should be pissed or worried.*****

*****E, damn it. Do I need to call the police or something?*****

*****E, you're fucking scaring me. I am going to put a damn trace on your phone*****

I sigh and look over at his peaceful face. Something else is going on here. How bad was he? I realize that aside from him telling me about his hand he hasn't said anything else. Why is Emmett acting this way? Was he like suicidal or something? Shit! Panic envelopes me as I move a stray hair out of his eyes. I need to send a text to Emmett. I don't want him to be worried all night about him.

*****This is Bella, Edward is with me at the Edgewater. He is okay. Sorry to worry you*****

I don't get a reply right away but just as I lay back down the phone buzzes again.

*****Bella. I don't mean to be an asshole but what are you doing back? Aren't you supposed be in treatment or something? *****

I sigh, remembering they saw whatever it was the investigator collected on me.

*****I completed my treatment. I don't expect you to forgive me but I am really sorry for what I did. I know he was really hurting. I was too*****

*****You're wrong Bella, I do forgive you and I am sure E has as well but are you really better or are you going to duck and run the next time things get hard?*****

I feel tears on my face and I immediately touch my bracelet and count to five trying to rephrase what he said. He has every right to be angry at me and to not trust me. I know I hurt Edward and left them all to pick up the pieces. I will carry that guilt around with me always but I have no intention of leaving him.

*****Are you still there?*****

But before I can send a reply the phone buzzes again telling me another message is coming through. I sigh and look at the next text.

*****Hey I'm sorry. I guess it's not my business but he was pretty fucked up Bella*****

*****I'm still here Emmett. I am just thinking about what you said. I have no intention of leaving him. And I am really sorry that I put you all in the position that I did. I was pretty fucked up when I left as well*****

*****Yeah, I know. I saw the pictures*****

*****There were pictures. Oh God! Did Edward see them? Please tell me no*****

*****No I have the packet. He tried to get me to give it to him once but I wouldn't let him*****

*****TY, I can't imagine how bad I must have looked. That would have torn him up. He was upset just hearing where I was, not sure he could have handled the visual*****

*****You told him?*****

*****Of course. I won't keep things from him anymore. He needed to know*****

*****Wow. That surprises me. Well, I will let everyone know that he is okay. We were worried about him when we couldn't find him*****

*****Thanks Emmett, for everything you did for him*****

*****You're welcome Bella but he's my friend, he would have done the same for me*****

I hesitate for a moment but I need to know or I won't be able to sleep the rest of the night. I quickly send another text.

*****Emmett, was he really bad? I saw his hand*****

*****Yes, he was really bad but it isn't my place to tell you. You guys have a lot to talk about so don't just fuck around*****

I have to bring my hand to my mouth to stifle the laugh I want to make. God Emmett is just something else. I am glad he was there for him.

*****I understand and although there will be a lot of fucking around I know we still have a lot more to talk about…LOL… Well, I am going to go now. GN Emmett*** **

*****GN Bella*****

I set the phone down thinking about what Emmett said and looking over at Edward. I guess we will need to talk some more tomorrow. It sounds like he has a lot to tell me about as well. I sigh and reposition myself underneath him. The minute he feels me he mumbles I love you as he tightens his hold around me. I hold him tightly knowing that whatever I hear tomorrow I need to hold it together and be honest with him about my feelings. This isn't going to be easy but damn it there is no way in hell I am doing this without him.

* * *

><p><strong>AN…. Well, well, well…. Had to give some props to my girl Amanda and her obsession with Tattward…LOL… And for the record… I have gone 4 LONG chapters without writing a lemon! That's pretty phenomenal considering my story is about a sex addict…LOL… So, needless to say I was jonesing big time, hope you enjoyed it **

**Anyway, they made some progress don't you think? Now, of course Edward has a lot to say as well so we will check in with him tomorrow… what's that? Yes, I said tomorrow, it will be Friday after all **

**As always, let me know what you're thinking.**


	41. Ch 40: Home

**Rating: M- For lemons (lots of them), language and situations. So this means if you're under 16 please be responsible for yourself.**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer is the sole owner of the world of Twilight. I am just having a little harmless fun with her characters.**

**Once again thank you to my amazing Beta's A & C for your guidance, encouragement & support. You girls are the jelly to my peanut butter! There are no new photos for this chapter but the new song has been updated to the playlist. The song for this chapter is a beautiful song by Musiq Soulchild. I love this dude and this song really fits where Edward is.**

**Well, last chapter Bella told her story. I wonder how she is going to feel knowing how truly messed up Edward was after she left….Hmmmm**

* * *

><p>Love… So many things I've got to tell you<br>But I'm afraid I don't know how  
>Cause there's a possibility that you'll look at me differently<br>Love… Ever since the first moment I spoke your name  
>From then on I knew that by you being in my life<br>Things were destined to change

Love… So many people use your name in vain  
>Love… Those who have faith in you sometimes go astray<br>Love… Through all the ups and downs the joys and hurts  
>Love… For better or worse I still will choose you first<p>

Many days I've longed for you, wanting you  
>Hoping for the chance to get to know you<br>Longing for your kiss, for your touch, your feel, your presence  
>Many nights I've cried from the things you do<br>Felt like I could die from the thought of losing you  
>I know that you're real with no doubts and no fears and no questions<p>

Love by Musiq Soulchild

**Chapter 40: Home**

**EPOV**

"_I love you baby" she whispers_

I startle awake and look around, then I feel her. She is sleeping right here in my arms. I sigh and wrap my body around her tighter. I thought I dreamed last night, that I was going to wake up alone, desperate for her touch. I nuzzle into her hair, pulling her body as close to me as I possibly can. When I saw her on the pier I really thought I was having a very vivid dream or hallucination or whatever you want to call it. I had felt a strong pull to the pier last night and couldn't stop myself, I had to go. It was weird though because when I saw her she looked just like she always looks when I see her at the pier so I wasn't sure. I was almost afraid that if I reached for her she would disappear again.

She seemed so nervous though when we got back to the hotel and I don't know, it felt as if she was slipping away from me. I couldn't have that; I had to touch her, to make her real. I needed her more at that moment than I have ever needed anyone or anything in my life. I glance down at her and then run my fingers across her stomach, she moans softly against me. I pull her closer and she turns, wrapping her arms around my chest. She mutters I love you as she repositions herself and I just smile, kissing the top of her head softly.

I have a lot to talk to her about today. I am a little nervous to tell her about the apartment. Somehow I think she is going to be upset with me. I glance around the room and notice my phone on the nightstand. I don't remember taking it out of my jeans. I should text Emmett. I am sure he and Jazz are worried about me. They have been taking me out every Friday night for the past several weeks. They refuse to hear any excuse so I have stopped giving them any and just go willingly. I was pissed after the debacle that occurred last week though and didn't really want to go with them this week because of it. But, they apologized profusely all week so I agreed to meet them again but I am sure when they couldn't find me they probably thought I was trying to avoid them.

**FLASHBACK**

"_Come on E, we're going to be late." Emmett bellows from the other room._

_I walk out in a pair of jeans and t-shirt with some flip flops and a baseball cap on. I haven't shaved in a week so I have some serious fur growing on my face as well but who cares? They both look at me and then each other and then back at me._

"_What?" I ask confused by their reaction._

"_E, you are not going out with us looking like that." Emmett snorts._

"_Umm, E… We are going to a nice place tonight. You should wear slacks and you definitely need to shave. We are meeting Alice and Rosie there as well so you really should dress up just a tad bit." Jazz says walking back to my bedroom and looking through the closet, grabbing a pair of dress slacks and a button down shirt._

_Great! Now I get to be the fifth wheel. Now I really don't want to go._

"_Well, we can skip this week. I have things to do anyway." I say casually._

_Jazz frowns at me from the closet and I hear Emmett laugh at the door._

"_What __**things**__ do you have to do E? You are done with pretty much all your coursework. All you are going to do is sit here and stare at this damn wall that you said you would take down but still haven't and listen to your depressing music. Somehow I think hanging with us is a better way to spend your time." Emmett says_

_I just stare at them for a few seconds and then glare at them both as I walk into the bathroom to shave. I change and fix my hair somewhat and we all head out to the restaurant. When we get there I see Alice and Rosie immediately and then frown. Alice is being friendly but she looks nervous and Rosalie looks pissed as some girl sitting next to her tries to engage her in conversation. Oh God! They didn't. I turn to look at both Jazz and Emmett._

"_Give it a try E." Jazz says softly._

"_I… I…" I shake my head vigorously, "I'm not ready. I can't!"_

"_Just talk to her. Maybe you will like her. I mean, six months is a long time E. You need to start living again." Emmett says as he places his hand on my shoulder, leading me towards the table._

_When we get to the table Alice jumps up immediately giving me a hug._

"_I had nothing to do with this. I'm so sorry. I don't know what they were thinking." She whispers in my ear. I nod and kiss her forehead._

_When Emmett sits down next to Rosie she glares at him and I know without a doubt she didn't know about this either. There is nowhere else to sit but next to this girl. And when I look at her she smiles and her eyes flutter at me. I sigh and sit down._

"_Hi, I'm Nicole." She says as she takes my hand in hers._

_I take a deep breath and look at her. It's not that she isn't pretty because she is. And I am sure she is a nice person but she's not Bella and I have no desire to be with anyone aside from Bella, maybe in time but I doubt even then. Bella owns me, heart and soul._

"_Hi, I'm Edward." I say politely and then I smile, glancing around the table before looking her square in the eyes, "I'm not sure what they told you but I am really not interested in dating anyone at the moment."_

_Her smile drops and then she composes herself, "Well, maybe we could just be friends." She says seductively and then leans in to me, whispering in my ear, "with benefits."_

_I stare at her. Oh lady, that is definitely not going to happen. _

"_Well, I'm not interested in that either. But thanks for the offer." I say smiling and think how Bella would have laughed at the absurdity of the situation._

_I pick up my water and take a sip. At the same time I glance around the table again and Rosie is smirking and Alice has her hand over her mouth trying not to laugh and Emmett and Jazz are staring at me dumbfounded. I can't believe they thought I would want to start dating again. Yeah, that's not ever going to happen. And who the hell did they try to set me up with anyway._

_I pretty much ignore her throughout dinner and when she goes to the bathroom me, Alice and Rosalie all turn and glare at the two of them._

"_What the hell were you thinking?" Rosie says smacking Emmett on the arm._

"_He's not ready to date. What's wrong with you two?" Alice pipes in._

"_And, my God Emmett. You tried to hook him up with a skank." Rosie says laughing._

"_Hey. I was trying to help. I remembered that Bella picked him up, so I thought he would like someone a little more forward." Emmett says ducking away from Rosalie._

_I swallow hard at the mention of Bella and that he thought I just wanted a sexual fling or something. Bella was always so much more than that._

"_Is that what you think? That Bella was a slut so I must like that?" I state angrily, standing up._

_Jazz jumps up quickly, as does Emmett. _

"_I'm sorry E. That's not what I meant. I just…" he looks down contritely, "I just don't want you waiting around for her. I thought…" he pauses again, taking a deep breath. "I guess I thought wrong. I'm sorry." Then he looks at Rosie who looks like she is about to kick his ass. "I'm sorry baby. I didn't mean it like it came out. I know she was your best friend."_

"_**Is**__ not was, asshole." Rosie says fiercely._

"_Everyone, let's just calm down and get through the rest of dinner." Jazz says as he glances up and sees Nicole exit the restroom area, "We made a mistake E. We're sorry."_

_I stare at the two of them._

"_Is everything okay?" Nicole asks as she gets to the table._

"_Yeah, everything is fine." I say sitting down, wanting this night to end as quickly as possible._

**END FLASHBACK**

Bella shifts and I look down at her. She looks so perfect lying in my arms. I am still having a hard time wrapping my head around everything that happened yesterday. The things she experienced in that hospital. I bet all of that was in the packet Emmett has. I guess it was a good thing I didn't look at it. I don't think I could have handled seeing her like that. Her wrist didn't look too bad but I can see where she hurt herself and that it probably looked a lot worse before. She has lost a lot of weight as well. She is still beautiful but I really think I need to make sure she eats. Then I frown, well that's sort of the pot calling the kettle black.

She told me I need to set boundaries for her but I don't know if I can do that. I don't think I could ever really deny her anything she wanted. I grin, well, except for piercing my cock. Only Bella would suggest that. Not start out with piercing something minor. No she starts right out with a cock piercing. I smile as I run my fingers down her back and up through her hair. I wonder what her plan is. Guess that is something else we need to talk about today.

"What are you thinking about? You look lost in whatever it is." She whispers as she kisses my chest.

I smile at her, moving her hair behind her ears, "Just wondering what the plan is."

"The plan huh?" she says as she takes my nipple in her mouth, pulling on it lightly, my cock is now fully awake and ready for action.

"I think my plan is to make love to you and then think about the rest later." She says as she straddles my hips.

I inhale sharply as she brings her warm pussy over my cock, "I like that plan." I rasp out roughly

She smiles, moving all the way back up so only my head is inside her and then coming back down slowly. "I thought you might."

I grab her hips and start moving her quickly, she leans back slightly moving her hands over her breasts and then moving them further down, touching her clit. I start breathing raggedly watching her touch herself. She knows that turns me on. A loud growl echoes in the room and it takes me a moment to register that it is coming from me. I arch my hips, pushing her down on me hard while she is grunting and panting breathlessly.

"Baby, yes…right there… faster… Edward… faster… Fuuuucccckkkk"

I am slamming her onto me fast and hard and can feel myself building. I know she is close so I move my knees up and arch my hips off the bed; she automatically leans back against my raised legs, moving up and down quickly.

"Oh shit! Bella…" I grunt out.

I don't know how long I can hold this position but damn it feels so good and watching her moving up and down, seeing my cock moving in and out of her all wet and shiny is almost enough to make me cum on the spot. I grab her hips and start moving her faster and faster until we are both literally screaming in ecstasy. I hold her in place while I try to ride out my orgasm as her walls continue to contract around me.

"Hold on baby… don't move." I say roughly when she tries to get off of me.

After a few seconds I drop my hips, breathing raggedly as she pulls off of me and drops on the bed next to me, breathing just as raggedly as I am. We glance at each other and smile. God, I missed wake up sex with her. When her breathing goes back to normal she sits up, running her fingers through my hair which I am sure is absolutely wild right now.

"I am going to clean up. Can you order room service for us?" she says with that animated look that she always gets after she comes.

I smile and nod at her when she gets out of bed, heading to the bathroom. I call room service and order us both an omelet. I am sure they aren't as good as Bella's but they will do until I can get her home. When she comes out she walks to her bag and pulls out some sleep shorts and a tank top. She kisses me on my forehead, grinning.

"You better get dressed or I won't be held responsible for what I do."

I smile mischievously at her, pulling her onto my lap. "And, what will you do?" I whisper as I bring my lips to hers.

We kiss for a long time and the next thing I know there is a knock on the door. She giggles and jumps off the bed to answer the door. I slip on my boxers and am pulling up my jeans when they wheel in our food. Bella immediately starts lifting the tops off the plates and grabs a piece of toast. I smile as I come over to her and she offers me a bite. She grins at me and then sits down, immediately separating the food on her plate in half. Why is she doing that?

"Man, the food in the hospital was horrible. I know I am too skinny but damn, there was no way I could eat that crap." She says as she takes a big bite of her omelet. "So what's your excuse?" she says covering her mouth.

"My excuse for what?" I say smiling. What in the world is she talking about?

"You have lost at least 20 pounds." She says arching her brow at me as she takes another bite of her food.

I sigh and lean back in the chair, looking at her. "I have actually gained some weight over the past few weeks or so." She sets her fork down and stops chewing.

"You weren't eating?" she says softly, her eyes moist.

"Umm, yeah I ate. Just, I don't know baby. I wasn't hungry at all."

Tears come down her cheeks and she closes her eyes, touching our bracelet. Why does she keep doing that? "I'll never forgive myself for hurting you."

"I understand why you left but you can't blame yourself for the things I did when you were gone." I say softly.

She opens her eyes, "What did you do?" She has a look of panic on her face.

"Nothing... I don't know. I just stayed at the house, listened to music and looked at your pictures."

She is just staring at me.

"I started going out with Emmett and Jazz weekly a little over a month ago. So they have been making sure I eat and that I am interacting with people." I frown, remembering last Friday.

"You're holding something back baby, what is it?"

I hesitate. "They set me up on a date last Friday." I say looking down.

"They set you up." She swallows, "Did you… kiss her?"

I gasp and look up at her. "God, no! I told her when I introduced myself that I wasn't interested."

She nods and then smiles. She takes another bite of her omelet, shaking her head. I take a deep breath; better just get this over with.

"I moved into your apartment." I say quickly.

She stops her fork midway to her mouth and then sets it back on her plate. "You did what?"

I close my eyes for a moment, breathing in and out slowly. When I open my eyes she is watching me with a worried look on her face.

"I went over there a week after you left and then just stayed. I couldn't leave. That was our place and I couldn't let you go. I was, I don't know, withdrawn for a long time. I barely ate, I couldn't sleep more than 3-4 hours a night, and I stopped seeing everyone. I went to school, came home, listened to my music and just zoned out. The past six months have been a blur. I know you wanted me to move on but I couldn't. My life was aimless. I didn't care about anything."

She doesn't say anything right away. She just closes her eyes, touching our bracelet again and mumbles something about a ghost as tears start coming down her cheeks. She opens her eyes and has a determined look on her face.

"I'm sorry I took so long to come home. I wasted a lot of time. You kept coming to me telling me that you needed me and I just thought I was hallucinating again. I didn't realize how true that image was. I…" she shakes her head and wipes her tears away.

"What do you mean?" I ask confused as hell.

"When I was in the hospital I kept seeing you but you were like a ghost. You kept telling me that you loved me and that you needed me but I was so lost in my head, feeling like I was not worthy of you that I didn't do the work right away. I could have been home months ago and you would not have been hurting." She says looking down at her food.

"I kept seeing you too. At the pier. I went there after I saw my dad a few months ago and when I did I saw you standing by the railing. You always looked at me and smiled, saying you loved me and then you would disappear. I go there every night. When I saw you yesterday I thought I was dreaming."

She lets out a low breath and nods. She looks down at her plate and then takes another bite of her food, chewing slowly. Then she looks over at me with sadness in her eyes.

"Baby, please eat." She whispers.

I look at her and then down at my food, taking a bite. We continue to eat our breakfast in silence. Both of us lost in thought. She only eats the half that she had separated and I look at her, puzzled.

"You're not hungry?"

She looks down at her plate and grins. "It's a habit I guess." She says as she puts some more of her omelet on her fork. "Part of my treatment plan was to eat half of whatever was on my plate so I just got in the habit of separating my food. I suppose I don't need to do that anymore." She grins sheepishly at me and then takes another bite.

I smile. "No, you don't need to do that anymore. I actually haven't had breakfast since you left. That's kind of weird huh?"

She sighs and then smiles at me, "Well. I think we will need to fix that."

She takes another bite of her food and I continue to watch her. I look at my food and take a few bites as well but my brain is in overload. I have so many questions.

"Baby?" I ask softly as she looks up from her plate. "Do you have a plan for what you want to do?"

She sighs again, "Not really. My plan was to see if you'd forgive me and if so, to find a place to live but apparently I don't need to do that." She says arching that brow of hers. I grin and shrug at the same time. "Then I need to find work so I figured I would check out Mason but they never have any openings. So I figure I will go grovel to Dr. Aro and beg for my job back."

I watch her frown at the mention of Dr. Aro and remember what an asshole he was to her. I don't want her to have to beg him for work. I should go with her just to make sure everything is okay.

"Well, maybe I should go to the hospital with you this time."

She looks at me thoughtfully and then finally nods. She takes a sip of her juice and looks at me, "I want to go to the apartment after breakfast. Is that okay?"

I sigh and nod. We finish our meal and then get ready for the day. I walk to the nightstand and pick up my phone, checking messages.

"Emmett sent you several texts last night. He was worried about you. I replied to him on your phone to let him know you were okay. We should probably look for a new phone for me in the next couple of days." she says as she throws her toiletry bag on top of her duffle bag.

"Yeah, we will baby." I say scanning their dialogue, frowning a few times.

After an hour we check out of the hotel and head out in my Jag back to her apartment. We will come back later to get her car. She is quiet the entire trip there. When we pull up she closes her eyes and I take her hand in mine, bringing it to my lips.

"You okay?" I whisper against her knuckles.

She nods and turns to look at me with tears in her eyes. I lean over and kiss her lightly on her lips, she opens her mouth to me and I deepen the kiss, trying to reassure her that it will be okay, that I am here for her. She smiles at me.

"I love you baby."

I smile, "I love you too. Are you ready?" she takes a deep breath and nods.

I come around to her side and pull her close to me as we walk to the apartment. I pull out my key, opening it slowly. She notices the painting immediately and brings her hand to her mouth as she walks over to it. I walk up behind her, wrapping my hands around her waist and setting my chin on her shoulder.

"You bought this for me?" she says through her tears.

"Yes. It came three weeks after you left." I swallow slowly, remembering the overwhelming sadness and pain I experienced when it arrived.

She turns around, facing me, tears streaming down her face. She runs her hand along my jaw and I close my eyes, taking a few steadying breaths. I am trying hard to contain my emotions. I don't want her to feel bad, to feel guilty. She carries enough of that already but I feel overwhelmed. All those nights alone, all those days staring at this painting, all those memories that would never leave me, all the pain… I feel her lips on mine and can't stop my tears.

"Baby, shhh, its okay, I'm here, I'm not going anywhere" she whispers between kisses.

I kiss her, our tears intermixing with one another as I bring her body flush to mine, holding her tightly. She holds me for a long time and then takes me by the hand as we walk to the bedroom. When we enter it she stops and stares at the wall. She lets go of my hand and walks to the wall, running her hand along the varying pictures. I can tell by the way her shoulders are moving up and down quickly that she is taking short heavy breaths. She turns around, leaning her back against the wall. She has tears coming down her face but I can't tell what she is thinking. She swallows and reaches her hand to me.

I take her hand and she brings it around her waist. She runs her fingers into my hair and then kisses me softly on the lips. She kisses me slowly, tenderly, as she runs her hand down my chest. Taking a deep breath, she turns back around and starts removing the pictures. I immediately feel the tears coming down my cheeks but what am I going to say? _Bella don't take my Bella wall down_. I walk backwards to the bed and sit down defeated, watching as she removes my only link to her for the past six months. It's sort of a surreal sight. She doesn't talk she just removes pictures, letting them drop to the floor unceremoniously. Every so often she bends down to put the thumbtacks against the wall. I see her hand go to her face several times and know she is wiping tears away. I just can't bring myself to move. When she is done she picks up the pictures and puts them on the nightstand. I bring my head down, putting my hands in my hair, crying silently. I know it is probably weird but I feel empty with the pictures gone. They have become such an intricate part of my life.

When she is done she walks over to me, standing between my legs, forcing my head up. She holds me and I wrap my arms around her waist, overwhelmed by my pain and emptiness. I don't know why I feel this way when she is clearly home, when she said she isn't leaving again, that she loves me.

"I couldn't… I couldn't be without you… I missed you so much." I stutter out.

"I'm sorry I left you, Baby. It will forever be my greatest mistake." She says softly, running her fingers through my hair.

"I wanted to die."

She stops moving her fingers, bringing her hands to my face, making me look at her. "Did you try to hurt yourself?" she says firmly.

I shake my head, "No, I wouldn't do that. But I was just going through the motions. I couldn't bring myself to care about anything. I was dead inside without you."

She flinches and then closes her eyes whispering _I'm Sorry_ over and over again as she touches our bracelet.

I push her shirt up kissing her stomach and then start unbuttoning her jeans. I need to feel her, to be connected with her. I look up, seeing if she is going to stop me but she doesn't, instead she moves her head back, opening her mouth just slightly as she moves her hands to the nape of my neck, playing with my hair there. I finish unbuttoning her jeans and push them to the floor along with her panties. I pull her close to me and she moves her leg on the bed and I am instantly reminded of the night she hand-cuffed me so long ago.

I move my mouth over her hot wet flesh and she moans softly as she moves her knee out giving me more access. I run my tongue around her clit and then circle her entrance, moving my tongue inside, while moving my hands to her ass, pulling her closer to me. I squeeze her ass and spread her cheeks slightly. She moans loudly and I make a mental note that she is not opposed to me messing with her ass. I bring one hand between her legs and move my finger closer to her hole, wondering how far she will let me go.

"Oh God, Edward. Don't stop!" her words come out all husky, which is sexy as hell.

She starts moaning loudly, spurring me on. Well, I guess that answers my question. I have one hand on her ass holding her in place and my other hand is between her legs, inching closer to someplace I have never been with anyone, while my mouth is working on that perfect pussy of hers. I slip my finger partly inside her ass and feel her muscles contract around me. I can't help but groan wondering what it would feel like if it were my cock and not my finger. She moves forward slightly, her breath ragged against me.

"Edward…" she pants, "hold on…" more panting, "You need lube baby."

I look up at her and stop what I am doing. She looks down at me, swallowing hard. What does she mean? Like lube you jack off with? She must catch my confused expression so she reaches down and takes my finger, moving it inside her pussy. Oh! I nod and she moves her hand back into my hair. I pump my finger in and out of her and then move it back to her ass; pushing in as far as I did before.

"More, Edward… More." She says hoarse with desire.

I start sucking fiercely on her, moving my tongue all around her, and then moving my tongue out of her so I can focus on her clit. I move my thumb inside her pussy and push my finger all the way inside her ass, twisting it around, while I suck her clit into my mouth. She starts pulling on my hair; screaming obscenities as her orgasm takes over and her body starts convulsing. Holy shit I need to be inside her, quick. I bend her over the edge of the bed and push my jeans off, entering her pussy before she has a chance to recover from her orgasm. I want to be in her ass but I don't know, that might be too much for right now, plus I have never done that before and should probably ask her about that before just doing it. I push into her, grunting with every thrust I make.

"Bella… Oh God! Bella... I missed you so much." My voice sounds all rough and scratchy.

"I missed you too baby." she says between erratic breaths.

I reach underneath her, gripping her nipples between my fingers, twisting and pulling until she is throwing her head back. I move my hand down to her clit and start rubbing her swollen and hot nub until she is whimpering underneath me.

"Bella" thrust, "COME" thrust again, "FOR" thrust again, "ME" and on that last thrust I feel her explode around my cock as I release inside her.

I fall on top of her, panting profusely and completely spent. I stay in that position for a few minutes until my breathing starts to sound normal again and then slip out of her, falling to my knees. I sit down on the floor, against the foot of the bed. Huh! This is my usual spot, except this isn't usual because Bella slips off the bed and sits down next to me. She leans into me as I put my arm around her shoulder.

"Is this where you would sit?" she asks softly.

I nod and lean down kissing the top of her head. I stare at the blank wall for a minute and then get up, heading into the bathroom. I wash my hands and look at myself. I really have lost a lot of weight, my hair is a chaotic mess, and I already need to shave again even though I shaved a couple of days ago. I grab a wash cloth and run it under hot water for Bella and then walk back in the bedroom. She is still leaning against the foot of the bed but her head is back and her eyes are closed. I smile and walk over to her, bringing the wash cloth to her slick flesh and kiss her lightly on the mouth as I clean her off.

"Let's lay down baby." I whisper to her.

"I'm not supposed to take naps during the day." She says, still not opening her eyes.

I frown, "Why not?"

"It fucks with my insomnia. I have to keep on a regular sleep schedule, no caffeine before bedtime, use the bedroom for sleeping," she grins, "and fucking of course."

I smile, "Of course."

"And not take naps during the day because it screws with my circadian rhythm or some shit like that. But damn, I'm tired. You're wearing me out. I haven't worked this hard since I left and my body is in fucking overdrive."

I chuckle as I pull her up, "Well, that is sort of a reversal for us. But I was just thinking I need to start working out or something because I am tired and… sore. You're wearing me out as well."

She laughs and opens her eyes. "So you said you used to listen to music, what were you listening to baby?"

"Well, I created a playlist for you and no one liked it but me." I sigh, "In fact they have been trying to ban the playlist for months."

She furrows her brows. "Why? Put it on baby, let me hear it."

I walk over to my laptop and start it up, pulling up my iTunes library and then hit my _For Bella_ playlist. She lies back on the bed and pats the mattress next to her, motioning for me to lie with her. The minute the first song comes on she winces and closes her eyes, squeezing my hand tightly as she hears her words echo in the room.

_Remember all the things we wanted  
><em>_Now all our memories, they're haunted  
><em>_We were always meant to say goodbye_

_Even with our fists held high  
><em>_It never would've worked out right  
><em>_We were never meant for do or die_

_I didn't want us to burn out  
><em>_I didn't come here to hurt you but now I can't stop_

_I want you to know that it doesn't matter  
><em>_Where we take this road someone's gotta go  
><em>_And I want you to know  
><em>_You couldn't have loved me better  
><em>_But I want you to move on  
><em>_I'm already gone_

_Looking at you makes it harder  
><em>_But I know you'll find another  
><em>_That doesn't always make you want to cry_

_Started with a perfect kiss then  
><em>_We could feel the poison set in  
><em>_Perfect couldn't keep this love alive_

_You know that I love you so  
><em>_I love you enough to let you go_

As the song continues she opens her eyes and watches me with tears flowing down her cheeks. She is breathing in deeply, as she moves my hair out of my eyes. As the first verse of the next song kicks in she closes her eyes again, putting her head down, crying softly.

_If you ever leave me baby  
><em>_Leave some morphine at my door  
><em>_Cause it's gonna take a whole lot of medication  
><em>_To realize what we used to have  
><em>_We don't have it anymore_

_There's no religion that can save me  
><em>_No matter how long my knees are on the floor  
><em>_So keep in mind all the sacrifices I'm making  
><em>_Will keep you by my side  
><em>_Will keep you from walkin' out the door_

She cries throughout every song, sometimes harder than others. She has such despondency and trepidation in her face right now and by the time Holdin' On comes on I move to turn it off. She doesn't need to torture herself like this. But she grabs me by the arm, holding me back and shaking her head.

"Don't…I need to hear all of them." she says through tears

_There's a Mountain Dew can with lipstick on it  
><em>_Rollin' round his truck bed  
><em>_He just leaves it back there  
><em>_One of the things he has left of her_

_When he drives into the late day sun  
><em>_You can see a set of footprints  
><em>_He ain't going to clean that windshield  
><em>_He'd rather just live with the hurt_

_He's holding on to the wheel  
><em>_To the way she made him feel  
><em>_To the shifter, to the pictures, every precious memory with her  
><em>_Like the left behind colors in the sky when the sun is gone  
><em>_He's holdin' on… oh… He's holdin' on_

"Baby… Stop." I plead with her.

She shakes her head and sits up on the bed, bringing her knees up and wrapping her arms around them, angling her head so that she can see me. I sit up against the headboard, watching her. These songs don't affect me anymore. I have heard them so many times that I breathe them, they are a part of me now; they are her, my memories of her and what we lost. She stays that way for the rest of the playlist. She has stopped crying now but every so often she wipes tears away from her eyes. She is basically just sitting there, watching me and listening. When the last song comes on she sits up straight and cocks her head slightly.

"Did you pick this song out?"

I shake my head, "No. Emmett did. He and Jazz came over a few months ago and we kind of got into an argument."

"About what?" she hesitates and looks down, "About me, right?"

"They wanted me to take the pictures down and stop listening to my music. They felt I was withdrawing from everyone." I frown knowing they were right. "They were right of course but I didn't care, I didn't want to be around anyone, I wanted to be alone. So, I don't know, we scuffled a bit and then he talked about his mom and dad and played me that song."

"You got in a fight with Emmett?" she asks raising her eyebrow in disbelief.

"Well, it wasn't really a fight, Baby." I say reaching for her.

She comes willing and I pull her onto my lap, kissing her tenderly. "You were locked up in a hospital. I was locked up in here. We were both prisoners. I can't do that again. I can't be without you. Whatever happens in our lives from here on out we do together. I just…" I hesitate, realizing I am nearly hyperventilating.

"Together baby, always," she says quickly, running her fingers down my jaw line, "Always."

I nod and we start kissing again. I lay her down reverently never taking my lips from hers, moving my hand leisurely down her body, over her breasts and finally moving my hand to my cock as I line up to her. I enter her slowly, wanting to make love to her. She wraps her legs around my waist, continuing to kiss me. We are moving in a slow rhythm with one another, every thrust and pull lovingly synchronized, our bodies becoming one. There is nothing quick or fast about this. Just love emanating from us as we gently caress and move with one another.

"I love you." I say kissing along her neck.

"I love you too." She whispers as she entwines her fingers in my hair.

I bring my mouth back to hers, not wanting to ever stop kissing her. She pulls away from me slightly, holding my face in her hands. She looks me in the eyes with the most determined look on her beautiful face.

"You'll never be alone again." She says as she kisses me.

I can feel tears in my eyes, knowing that she is here, that she is home and that nothing will ever come between us. I won't let her slip away again because I know without a doubt that I won't survive without her in my life.

* * *

><p><strong>AN…. Ahhhh… I think I might need a cigarette and I don't even smoke. *SIGH* well, they are together again. Will it be easy? I doubt it. Sometimes I think if they could just isolate themselves on an island all would be good…LOL… But, that is not feasible and there are definitely other people involved in their lives.**

**Alright folks… back to weekly updates. I have a few holiday outtakes planned for you but the story itself will be back to once a week. **

**As always, let me know what ya think **


	42. Ch 41: I'm Ready

**Rating: M- For lemons (lots of them), language and situations. So this means if you're under 16 please be responsible for yourself.**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer is the sole owner of the world of Twilight. I am just having a little harmless fun with her characters.**

**Once again thank you to my amazing Beta's A & C for your guidance, encouragement & support. You girls are the jelly to my peanut butter! I have posted some pictures on the blog for this chapter and the new song has been updated to the playlist. The song for this chapter is a beautiful song by India Arie. I love her voice and she always sings with such passion. The song itself is a about a woman who finally gives herself up to love. I thought that fit really well with Bella.**

**So they are back to together. Can I just say that having them a part was pure torture?**

* * *

><p>I am ready for love, why are you hiding from me<br>I'd quickly give my freedom to be held in your captivity

I am ready for love, all of the joy and the pain  
>And all the time that it takes just to stay in your good grace<br>Lately I've been thinking maybe you're not ready for me  
>Maybe you think I need to learn maturity<br>They say watch what you ask for cause you might receive  
>But if you ask me tomorrow I'll say the same thing<p>

I am ready for love, would you please lend me your ear  
>I promise I won't complain, I just need you to acknowledge I am here<p>

If you give me half a chance I'll prove this to you  
>I will be patient, kind, faithful and true<br>To a man who loves music, a man who loves art,  
>Respects the spirit world and thinks with his heart<p>

I am ready for love, if you'll take me in your hands  
>I will learn what you teach and do the best that I can<p>

I am ready for love, here with an offering of  
>My voice, my eyes, my soul, my mind<br>Tell me, what is enough to prove I am ready for love?

Ready for love by India Arie

**Chapter 41: I'm Ready**

**BPOV**

I glance at the clock and see that it is just a little after 7:00 in the morning. I look down at him and he looks so peaceful. His hair is falling in his face and he has the most content look about him. I slip out of the bed, needing to get my day started. I go through my usual routine, take my meds and then walk into the kitchen to get a pot of coffee on and get breakfast started. We had to go to the store yesterday evening because he literally had nothing in the fridge. I seriously doubt he ate anything while I was away. It's not like I was able to eat either, but still. I frown at that thought as I pull out the fresh blueberries, milk and eggs and then go into the cabinet for my dry ingredients. Since he had mentioned yesterday that he hadn't had breakfast since I left I decided that I would make us a big breakfast this morning of homemade blueberry pancakes, eggs, and sausage.

As I am folding the fresh blueberries in the batter I reflect on everything he said yesterday. I had felt horrible when I walked into the bedroom and saw all of those pictures on the wall. It was as if his pain and sorrow emanated from that wall. I had to get rid of it. I had heard him crying behind me but I knew I needed to do it. That wall had to go! But that playlist… I sigh. That playlist was brutal. I have a clear visual of him sitting on the floor, leaning against the bed, staring at those pictures and listening to song after heartbreaking song. Why did I think he would be okay when I clearly wasn't okay without him?

I know this time around though I need to do things right. I can't try to keep things from him, I have to tell him everything and just deal with the consequences right then and there. I need to prove to him that I am truly ready for his love this time. That he means everything to me and that he has all of me. The good, the bad, and the ugly; my heart and fucking soul are his. I remember what Anna said about love being perfect and that if we loved each other than our love was perfect even if we, as individuals, weren't. At the time it didn't make much sense to me but now, now I get it, because with Edward I feel like my past is just that, my past. But, him, us, that is the future.

I know things will be difficult. It's not like I am miraculously all better with no problems. Anna told me that I would always carry what James did with me and that sometimes it will be overwhelming but that's when I will need Edward the most. Before I couldn't trust it, trust him. My heart wanted to believe in him, in us, but my fucked up head got in the way. I just need to make sure that I let him know about my chaotic ramblings when I am having them. God! If that's the case we will be talking more than fucking. Hmm, well, I suppose most couples don't fuck as much as we do but what can I say. I have been diagnosed as having a sex addiction. I grin again. Well, I am definitely addicted to him, that's for damn sure.

By the time I have the sausages cooking I hear the bathroom door open and smile. I am cooking the eggs when he comes in the kitchen. He comes up behind me and moves his hands on my stomach as he gently kisses my neck.

"Good morning baby." I whisper.

I feel his smile against my neck. "Good morning. This smells fantastic!"

"Well thank you Mr. Cullen. I do strive to please." I say moving my head slightly so I can kiss him lightly on the lips.

"Hmm and please you definitely do." He says as he unties my robe and runs his fingers down to my thigh, gently lifting up my night gown and resting his hand on my now wet panties. God!

"You're going to make me burn our breakfast." I whisper unconvincingly.

He chuckles against me and then moves back and I swear to God I think my kitty just hissed at me. He leans against the counter behind me, snatching a sausage before he goes. I glance at him and smile. He is already dressed in blue jeans and a v-neck white t-shirt. How he makes a v-neck undershirt look sexy is beyond me and damn those button fly jeans are driving me crazy! I shake my head sighing as I put the rest of the food together, ignoring the urge to mount him on the counter. We sit at the table to eat. He closes his eyes, moaning as he takes his first bite and I can't wipe the stupid grin off of my face.

"So, I was thinking that tomorrow after going to the hospital that I want to go see your dad." I say midway through our breakfast.

He stops chewing and looks up at me, clearly worried. He then starts shaking his head vehemently and I can't help but frown. I mean I told him he should tell me no but damn.

"Why?" I state, acting like the petulant child I obviously am.

"Because I don't want you anywhere near that asshole."

Now I am really confused. Did his relationship with his dad deteriorate even further while I was gone? Does he blame him for me leaving? It wasn't his fault.

"You don't want me near your dad? Isn't that going to be a little unavoidable?" I ask somewhat sarcastically.

"No, not my dad." He says putting his fork down rather loudly. "That asshole Mike. He still works for him and I don't want him anywhere near you."

I sigh. "Baby, that's part of the reason I want to go."

He is just staring at me, anger seeping through every pore of his body. He doesn't understand why I need to do this.

"You tell me I should tell you no but when I do you want to do it anyway." He says leaning back against his chair and crossing his arms.

"It's not that. It's just…" I look down, touching my bracelet, trying to gather my words. I hear him take a deep breath before he starts talking.

"Why do you keep doing that?" he says much softer.

I look up at him, and then push some of the hair that has fallen out of my pony tail behind my ear.

"It helps me think. I have a tendency to act before thinking things through. One of the interventions Anna and I came up with was that when I felt flustered or am taking things in a negative way I am supposed to touch my bracelet because it grounds me to us, to our love. And then I count to five and try to rephrase what I heard. It helps me not respond before I think about what I want to say."

"So you are flustered with me right now?" he asks with hurt in his eyes.

"No." I say sighing, "I am just trying to get my words together and you being angry sort of surprised me."

"I'm not angry at you Isabella I just…" he pauses, taking a deep breath, "I couldn't protect you the last time and it still bothers me that Mike works there. I know my dad couldn't just fire him and I know I have to trust my dad but I don't want you anywhere near Mike. I don't trust _him_ at all. I know he wouldn't do anything with me right there but he might say something hurtful. And … Well, I don't know what I would do when he did. I don't want to fight him at my dad's office again but I won't let him hurt you."

I guess I hadn't really thought of all that but that's part of the reason I want to do it. If I never go over there I have given Mike power over me. I can't have that weasel think he scares me or worse yet that he thinks he can intimidate Edward because of me.

"What happened with Mike shouldn't have happened. I misjudged him. But that is part of the issue Edward. I can't have him hold any power over me. I want to go in that elevator that he attacked me in, I want to walk into that office where he called me a whore in front of you, your dad and his entire office staff and I want to show him that he doesn't affect me, that he doesn't affect us, not one single bit."

I look down at my food, moving it around my plate. When I look up at him his expression has softened but he looks conflicted.

"I need to prove to myself that what happened with Mike was some kind of isolated incident." I take a deep breath, "Plus… I really want to apologize to your father. I can imagine that he feels guilty. I didn't leave because of what he said, well I sort of did, but the first time we talked, it festered in my head and I twisted it into something really fucked up. I need him to know that it wasn't his fault."

He takes a deep breath and looks down at his uneaten food. "Can I think about it for a little bit? I just…" he says as he looks back up at me, "I understand what you're saying but my anxiety is all over the place at the thought of you going there. Can we not decide it right this minute?"

I nod, "That sounds reasonable."

He takes my hand from across the table and kisses it lightly. "I love you."

"I love you too… Now finish eating." I say smirking, which elicits a huge grin from him and just like that the tension I felt a little while ago dissipates.

We continue to eat our breakfast and just engage in small talk about really random things going on. He told me about the girl Emmett and Jasper set him up with and I can't help but roll my eyes. Skank! When a knock comes on the door we both look at it, confused. He gets up to answer it as I bring our plates to the sink.

"Hey. Sorry I didn't call you the other night." I hear Edward say at the door and turn just as Emmett and Rosalie enter the apartment.

She turns and looks at me as I slowly start walking over there. Our eyes are locked and she sort of looks pissed. I sigh knowing that I deserve her anger but I was really hoping she wouldn't be. Emmett blows past me into the kitchen to the pile of blueberry pancakes sitting on the counter.

"Holy Shit Bella, these are great." He says as he shoves some into his mouth.

When I get to Rosalie I notice that Edward is looking between the two of us and I can feel his worry. I suppose he isn't sure what to expect. Well, frankly I'm not either.

"Baby, can you and Emmett leave us for a few minutes to talk in private?" I say not taking my eyes off of her.

"Umm, where do you want us to go? I don't want to leave you." He trails off that last bit.

"Baby… just go outside with Emmett for a few minutes, okay?" I say slightly annoyed.

"Can I take this plate with me?" Emmett hollers from the kitchen.

"Sure." I say, watching Edward roll his eyes at him.

When Emmett walks past me he has a plate of pancakes and sausage and is already digging into it as he heads towards the door. Edward hesitates there looking between us again with that same panicked expression on his face. I motion for him to close the door and when we are alone I take a deep breath.

"You have a right to be angry with me. It was pretty fucked up what I did."

"You didn't say goodbye Bella. You could have talked to me. You just dismissed our friendship like it was nothing." She says angrily, crossing her arms.

I look down for a moment and then look back to her. "I know. I just…"

I take a deep breath and then look at her, smirking slightly, "Would it make you feel better to smack me or something?"

Her eyes widen and then without hesitation she slaps me across the face, fucking hard. Shit! I didn't think she would actually do it. I was just kidding, trying to lighten the fucking mood.

"FUCK! Hale. That shit hurt. I was just kidding." I say as I bring my hand to my face.

Now she smiles. "You're right Swan that _did_ make me feel better." She says walking to the couch and patting the seat next to her.

I still have my hand on my cheek, rubbing it lightly. Damn, that bitch actually hit me! She didn't even do it lightly either, that was a full on bitch slap. I hesitantly walk to the couch and sit next to her.

"So do I get to slap you for not following my instructions?" I say sarcastically.

She laughs. "Not a chance Swan! You weren't here. The boy can be persuasive with that damn lost puppy dog look of his."

I can't help but grin at that because I know she is right. We both move one of our legs on the couch so that we are facing each other. I lean the side of my face against the back of the couch and she mimics my movement. Neither of us says anything right away. We just watch each other, taking slow steadying breaths.

"I really missed you." I whisper softly.

"You could have called me? Just to let me know where you were. I wouldn't have said anything to him." She says her eyes moist with unshed tears.

"Yeah right! He said he moved in here a week after I left Rosie." I say frowning.

"I know… he tricked me though with that. He said he had some stuff here he wanted to get and then he just refused to leave. No one would force him." She says solemnly. "But, you still should have called me. I'm your best friend."

"I was in a damn psych ward Rosie. What the hell was I supposed to do?"

"They have phones in the loony bin Bella."

I sigh, "I know… but I didn't talk to anyone for the first few months I was there. I was pretty fucked up."

She nods, "Yeah, I know. I saw the packet that Emmett has."

"Fuck! How many people have seen this 'packet' Rosie?"

"I think just Emmett, Jazz, Alice, myself and his parents."

"So, Edward really didn't see anything in it?"

She shakes her head. "No, Emmett wouldn't let him." She hesitates for a moment, "He was pretty fucked up Bella."

I nod. "Yeah, I gathered that yesterday."

"So you saw your shrine?"

"I took it down yesterday and then listened to that playlist he created." I sigh, remembering the songs he selected, "How come you guys let him do that?"

Her face twists into a frown. "We didn't let him Bella. He pushed everyone away. When Emmett tried to take those pictures down he attacked him. They were going to give him another week and then they were just going to take it down anyway. Everyone talked to him about the playlist but he just didn't listen to anyone. He shut everyone out, even Alice. In fact, he just started going out with the boys about a month ago."

I grin at her, "So whose idea was it to set him up with the skank?"

She laughs heartedly, "Oh God Bella, she was something else. I was so angry at Emmett for doing that." She says shaking her head. Then she gets a serious expression on her face. "Edward showed her no interest what so ever and he shut her down immediately when she propositioned him. It was actually kind of funny to watch. You would have thought it was hilarious. I mean… you know… if it was someone else and not Edward."

I nod and then reach over and take her hand in mine.

"I really meant what I said in my letter. You're the only one that broke through that closed off bitch persona I have."

"You're not a closed off bitch Bella. You are guarded. So am I. That's why we hit it off so well." she squeezes my hand, tears start coming down her cheeks, "I wish you would have talked to me before you just left. You didn't give me a chance to talk you out of it."

"I'm so sorry. Do you forgive me?"

She wipes the tears from her eyes, "Of course, but you better not do that shit again or I will do more than bitch slap you."

I smile at her and let go of her hand, moving it to tuck a loose hair behind her ear. I gently run my fingers down her face, finally cupping her cheek lovingly.

"I love you Rosie. I'm sorry I hurt you."

"Hot damn! Are you girls going to kiss or something cause that would be fucking HOT!" We hear Emmett say loudly from the door.

I roll my eyes and arch my brow at her, moving my hand down to my lap. "Your man is an idiot!"

She smiles. "I know. But he's my idiot!" she says as she pulls me into a hug whispering in my ear. "I love you too, don't ever leave me again."

I nod against her and we hold each other for a long time before Edward and Emmett sit down in the chairs opposite us. I glance at Edward who still looks a little concerned and then at Emmett who has another plate of food. I swear that man can eat. I am glad I over did it this morning on the pancakes.

"I'll be right back. I need to go change." I say getting up.

I hear buzzing and Emmett pulls out his phone checking a text. He looks over at me.

"Jazz just said that Alice wants to come over. Is it okay?"

I sigh and nod, knowing I need to deal with everyone. It can't just be me and Edward all the time. I also know that they are just worried about him and want to make sure that I am actually better. I walk into the bedroom and pull out some clothes.

"You okay?" Edward says from the door.

I nod, "Yeah, its cool. I was kind of hoping I would have you to myself today but I understand that they want to check on us. I know they are worried."

He walks over to me, pulling me close to him. I can feel his cock twitch in his jeans and move a little closer, rubbing against him. He moans softly as he starts kissing me heatedly. I move my hands to his hair, tugging on it as our kiss becomes more intense. After a few moments he pulls away, out of breath. I rest my fingers on his fly, moving my fingers along the buttons there. God! I love these jeans.

"Maybe I should make them leave." He says breathlessly as he holds me close.

I giggle against him, "No, we can't do that."

I step back slightly and run my fingers along the buttons again, wanting desperately to unsnap each one ever so slowly, exposing his sexy trail of hair, leading to my promise land. Why did I say they could come over again? I sigh as I step towards the bed to grab my clothes. He grins, adjusting his cock before walking back into the living room.

* * *

><p>Several hours later me and the girls are all laughing and joking in the kitchen as we prepare an early meal. I am so glad I had the foresight to go a little crazy with the grocery shopping because we decided on lasagna for dinner tonight much to the delight of the boys. We were just now putting it together. I was laying out the noodles because I have some OCD tendencies and am very picky about them being even. Rosalie was responsible for my homemade sauce and meat mixture which she is evenly distributing over the noodles. I then sprinkle the finely diced zucchini and yellow squash onto the sauce mixture. Now Alice was supposed to be working the cheese. She isn't much of a cook but she really wanted to help so I figured it was hard to really mess up the cheese. I was wrong!<p>

"Oh shit!" Alice says quickly and then covers her mouth.

Rosalie and I look at each other and then Alice and full out belly laugh. The girl dropped the whole bowl in there _and_ she looks completely embarrassed that she said the word shit. Hell, that seems pretty damn minor compared to how Rosie and I talk. Oh man Alice is just too cute.

"It's okay. I can fix it." I say as I salvage most of the cheese from the top and then evenly disburse the remainder.

"I'm sorry Bella. Did I mess it up?" She says apologetically.

"It's cool Alice. It just means that layer is extra cheesy." I say smiling, "Just use your hand to sprinkle it along the way like this." I grab a small amount and sprinkle it evenly across the surface.

She nods exuberantly and we continue to put it together without any further mishaps. After we put it in the oven we start cleaning up the mess. We then start chopping vegetables for the salad and putting them in individually sealed bowls so that when the time comes we can just throw it all together. I get my dough ready and cover it up in the fridge so it will be good to go when the lasagna comes out. Okay, what can I say? I enjoy cooking but I tend to cook like a chef and need to time everything so that all the parts of the meal are ready at the same time. I also always end up having a gazillion dirty bowls by the time I am done. Once the kitchen is clean again we all walk back into the living room and sit with our men. I immediately move onto Edwards lap and kiss him lightly on the lips.

He smiles and then looks over at Alice, "Hey Shorty, did I hear you curse in the kitchen?"

She frowns at him and then throws the pillow that's near her. I duck quickly but she nails Edward in the head which causes him to laugh as he tosses it back to her, missing her and hitting Jasper. That girl has good aim. I bet she would make a great pitcher. Edward, hmm, maybe I need to put him in the outfield.

"Shut up Edward!" she says pouting.

"She did just fine." I say winking at her and she smiles widely and then sticks her tongue out at Edward.

"Baby, go get your laptop, let's listen to some music." I say getting off of him.

"No! No music." Everyone says in unison and Edward and I look at them. Then it dawns on me that they have been trying to get him to stop listening to that playlist for six months. I am sure they assume he will put that on.

"Oh for crying out loud. I'm deleting that damn playlist." I say as I run into the bedroom.

"Wait, wait, wait, wait." I hear Edward say as he chases after me, catching me when I get to his laptop.

"I'm just kidding baby. I'm not going to delete it." I smile at him, "You are."

He inhales and exhales sharply and his expression is pained. I run my fingers along his face.

"Baby... This playlist is depressing. I understand why you were listening to it but there is no reason to do that anymore is there?" I say softly to him.

He swallows hard but doesn't say anything.

"Do you believe I am here to stay and that I love you?"

He nods and then scrunches his eyebrows together, "Of course."

"Then you don't need to listen to songs about lost love, right?"

He closes his eyes for a moment and then opens them again. His eyes are moist but he isn't crying. I take my hands and hold his face, looking at him intently.

"Those pictures you had on the wall, this music, it's our past. They represent a time when we were away from each other and grasping for anything. They aren't our future. But I will leave it up to you."

I hand him the laptop and we go back out to the living room. Everyone is just staring at us with concerned and nervous expressions. God! He really was a mess. I can't imagine how hard it must have been for them to witness that.

He sits back down and motions for me to come back on his lap. When I do he sets the laptop on my lap and pulls up his iTunes. He then pulls up his playlist which I just realize he named _For Bella_. God! What did I do to him? I look up at him and he kisses me lightly on the forehead and clicks on the tab that says delete playlist. When he hits the button he lets out a soft breath.

"I love you." I whisper to him and he smiles.

I turn back to his music and select Usher's last album. I figure that should be upbeat and shouldn't elicit any negative feelings with anyone. When I look at the others they are now smiling and Jasper just nods at me while Alice mouths _thank you_. I set the laptop on the table and lean back into Edwards's arms. We all visit until the oven beeps and I swear Emmett practically knocks Rosalie out when he jumps up.

"It's not ready yet Emmett. It still needs to set." I say laughing at his defeated expression.

"Fuck Emmett!" Rosalie says, thumping him on the back of the head.

"Sorry, sorry. It smells so good. My animal instinct kicked in and I needed to feed."

We all look at him and laugh.

"What are you, a damn vampire or something? Feed? What the hell Em?" Jazz says laughing hysterically.

The girls and I walk back to the kitchen and I put my bread in the warm oven and then we get the salad together. We set the table with my cloth napkins and tablecloth while Alice goes about humming to the music and looking for various things to decorate the table with. This time when the oven beeps, Emmett looks up at me longingly and I can't help but smile as I nod at him. We place everything on the counter so that people can get their food buffet style but looking at the drool coming out of the corner of Emmett's mouth I think I should make him go last.

"Not so fast big guy." I say stopping Emmett.

"What?" he says as he looks over me towards the food.

"I think you should go last since it was your bright idea to try and hook Edward up with that skank last week." I look at him and arch my brow.

He just stares at me with his mouth hanging open and the saddest look on his face. Like I just told him Santa Claus didn't exist. Out of the corner of my eye I can see Edward smirking and Rosalie shaking her head, smiling. Oh hell… I can't hold it any longer and I start laughing.

"I'm just kidding."

His whole body posture changes and the biggest smile crosses his face as he picks me up and literally moves me out of the way. Edward just grins and goes to the fridge, pulling out the bottle of non-alcoholic wine we had bought the other day. He smiles at me as he grabs the wine glasses out of the cupboard. I have never really entertained anyone and this is the first time I have actually cooked for our friends. I have always wanted it to be just Edward and me, I sigh, realizing how much I isolated us from everyone. Edward seems to know what he is doing in the entertaining department as he pours the wine in everyone's glass. I walk to his laptop again and look at his music, wanting something lighter for dinner.

"Baby… what's the name of that jazz band we had sex to before?" I say serious as can be.

He laughs as he comes up behind me. He kisses me lightly on my cheek as he flips through his list and comes up with a Boney James album. Huh! You would think I could remember a name like that. I smile at him and he kisses me lightly on the lips and then whispers I love you. He takes my hand and walks with me back to the table.

Rosalie is smirking at me, "Seriously, you had sex to this?"

I smile. "Hell yeah we did! It was fantastic. I mean, close your eyes. It's got a real steady rhythm to it."

I close my eyes, remembering making love to Edward to this particular song and then when I open them again I realize that both Rosalie and Alice have their eyes closed and are slowly swaying to the beat while their respective men are just staring at them, mouths hanging open, completely dumbfounded. I glance at Edward and he is smiling.

"You're right Bella. I can see fucking to this." Rosalie says as she opens her eyes and takes a bite of her lasagna, broken out of his Rosalie induced daze Emmett finally takes a bite of his food and moans dramatically.

"Oh my God Bella. This… is… fucking… amazing!" Emmett says between mouthfuls.

I smile, "I'm glad you like it. I have never really 'entertained' before. This is kind of fun."

"Oh, Edward and I are pro's at entertaining. It was a long time before I realized everyone doesn't eat and do business at the same time." Alice says laughing. "Remember when we had to entertain dad's clients in that big suite in Paris?" she says looking at Edward who has just started blushing profusely.

"Yeah… I don't think I will ever forget Paris." He says grinning as he takes a bite of his salad.

Alice brings her hand to her mouth, giggling. "Oh… I almost forgot about that."

We are all looking at her. "Okay, sister spill it!" Rosalie says quickly.

Edward looks at her and shoots her a death glare. "Alice, don't you dare!"

She shakes her head, "Not my story to tell." She says as she takes a bite of her lasagna, moaning as she chews.

Just too cute! I smile and then decide now is as good a time as any.

"So… since you are all here I want to say thank you for watching after Edward while I was gone. I know that it must have been very difficult for all of you… to see him like that." I say the last part looking over at him.

He sighs, "I wasn't that bad Bella."

"Uh… yeah, you were." I say back to him frowning.

"Baby..."

I cut him off, "You stayed in your room, looking at a creepy fucking wall of pictures of me, listening to depressing music over and over again. I'm not saying I was much better than that but at least I can admit that I was all fucked up."

"That wall was you, how can you say it was creepy?" He says furrowing his brow at me.

I stare at him with my mouth open. I can't believe he thinks that was okay. I then close my eyes and touch my bracelet. This man just doesn't get it. Okay, maybe I need to be a little more sensitive to him about this. He was doing what he thought he needed to do. Shit! Me not talking to people or eating was just as bad, probably worse now that I think about it. I hear Jasper say something which forces me to look up.

"E… it was definitely creepy!"

Edward just shakes his head and then leans back in his chair like he did earlier.

"Baby, I love you but it bothers me how hurt you were. I honestly didn't think before I left or I wouldn't have left. I hurt you so much. I know that." I glance at Rosalie, "I hurt a lot of people."

I put my head down again before looking around the table at everyone.

"I am so sorry I left. I was in a really bad place and instead of talking to people I ran. I am going to try really hard not to hold things back from the people I care about which, to be honest, is all of you." I turn back to Edward, "I won't keep things from you. Anything you want to know I will tell you." Then I turn back to the others. "The same goes for you guys as well."

"We are glad you're back Bella. Not just because E was a mess but because we care about you. I know you aren't used to relying on people but we are all here if you ever need us. You don't need to feel that it is only Edward or Rosalie that you can talk to. We may not know the answers but we can sure listen and help the best way we can. We don't ever want to see E the way he was when you were gone. It was scary and we all felt completely helpless." Jasper says thoughtfully as Alice nods her head in agreement.

I wipe the tears from my eyes. "Thank you. That means a lot to me. You guys could have easily rejected me or made me feel like shit because of what I did. I…" I look down at a loss for words and then I finally just chuckle lightly, "I'm not saying I am going to get all touchy feely on everyone but I am going to work harder at not being such a bitch."

"Bella…" Alice chides me.

"Well, I don't mean that in a bad way. Being a bitch can be a good thing." I say with a smile.

"So what's your plan Bella?" Jasper asks as he takes a bite of his lasagna, closing his eyes as he starts chewing. I swear. Have none of these people had homemade lasagna before?

"Well I checked online yesterday and Mason has no openings so Edward and I are going over to Northwest tomorrow so that I can go grovel to that asshole Dr. Aro to see if I can get my job back." I say dipping my bread in my sauce.

"Dr. Aro was fired Bella." Rosalie says nonchalantly.

"What? When?" I ask stunned.

"Umm, about a week or so after you left. It was weird. He was there one day and not there the next. No one really knows what happened but the rumor was that the board asked him to leave due to some kind allegation made against him." She wags her eyebrows suggestively.

"Did you say something? Did you report what he did to me?"

She shakes her head. "No way Swan! The only people I told were Em, Jasper, Alice and Edward's parents. That was the day you left. Edward was sleeping when I came by to check on him. I was upset and told them what happened at the hospital with Dr. Aro and Jake."

"Wait! What happened?" Edward says agitated.

I sigh as I turn to him. "When I went to the hospital Dr. Aro put me on indefinite suspension unless I could 'convince' him otherwise. So I quit and then I went to see Jake and…" I can't help but grin remembering what I did, "Umm, I kicked Jake in balls and then called Leah." I say shrugging.

I can see the anger in his face, then a slight smile, and then hurt. He turns to everyone else at the table. "Why didn't anyone tell me about this?"

"E… come on man, you were holed up here in Bella's house. We were walking on eggshells for a long damn time." Emmett says.

"E… we really didn't know what to do. We didn't want to make it worse for you. We were at a loss as to how to help you." Jasper chimes in.

He sighs and then looks down. "Someone should have told me." He says softly.

I reach for his hand and he gives it to me. "I should have told you. It was my responsibility to do that. I had planned on saying something when you got home from school but when I got to the house your dad was waiting for me. By the time he left I had decided that I had caused you too many problems already and that it would be better if I just left." I run my fingers along his, "Not my finest hour."

He nods and squeezes my hand before smiling slightly. The rest of dinner was wonderful. Everyone was laughing and having a good time and by the time I brought out the tiramisu Edward just closes his eyes and lets out the sexiest moan. Yeah. My man seriously likes this dessert.

By the time everyone left I was completely exhausted and collapse on the couch. Edward sits down next to me and pulls me closer to him, playing in my hair as I lay my head on his lap. I feel myself drifting and startle myself awake, yawning widely.

"That was really nice." I say sleepily.

"It was." He continues running his fingers through my hair and I swear I am going to fall asleep if he keeps doing that. "If you still want to go to my Dad's after the hospital then we can." He says softly.

I turn on his lap so that I can see him. "Are you sure?"

He nods as he pulls me up to him. "I promise I won't let Mike get to me or bait me into a fight. I understand why you need to do this. I realize how important this is to you, to us."

He kisses me lightly and I straddle his lap, immediately deepening our kiss. Today was an extraordinary day. I have never felt close to people before but I realize now just how much his friends have become my friends. They really do care about me and I am truly comforted with that knowledge. If I had opened my eyes sooner I would have seen that I was never without support.

"Baby, let's go to bed." I whisper against his lips.

He smiles as he picks me up and carries me into our bedroom. I will worry about tomorrow when tomorrow comes. Tonight, it's about me and Edward and our love for one another. I know without a doubt that I am truly ready for his love and plan on showing him every chance that I get.

* * *

><p><strong>AN… Ahhhh, well I know this was mostly talk but it needed to happen. Friendships are so very important and this group is very close knit. I thought it was time to see them interact with one another again in a less chaotic situation (the last time they were all together was when Bella met his parents). So hope you liked my _Friends_ episode...LOL... Now…hmmm, I wonder who could have intervened on Bella's behalf *raises finger to lips, tapping lightly* hehehehe**

**Okay time for a rec... My girl Amanda is participating in the Beyond the Pale Contest with a story called Watch. It is a schemxy Jasper story that you must read.**

**"I can't believe I just watched that. I wonder if I should tell them?" Jasper is watching something he shouldn't be, but he won't stop, he can't stop. Things aren't always as they seem. Everyone has secrets.**

**What would you do? Would you be able to turn away? Check it out... here is the link to the story... www fanfiction net/s/7486655/1/Watch ... voting is from now until December 12th.**

**So as always, let me know what ya think. **


	43. Ch 42: Do Over

**Rating: M- For lemons (lots of them), language and situations. So this means if you're under 16 please be responsible for yourself.**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer is the sole owner of the world of Twilight. I am just having a little harmless fun with her characters.**

**Once again thank you to my amazing Beta's A & C for your guidance, encouragement & support. You girls are the BESTEST! There are no new photos for this chapter but the new song has been updated to the playlist. Now the song I picked for this chapter is my absolute favorite song by the band Audioslave. I picked it for this chapter because it is about acceptance. Bella started out this story on one side of the spectrum while Edward was on the other, now they are working towards the center. I thought the song was fitting for them.**

**Hmmm… Hospital AND Daddy C, want to make a bet the weasel starts trouble?**

* * *

><p>Someone falls to pieces, sleeping all alone<br>Someone kills the pain, spinning in the silence, she finally drifts away  
>Someone gets excited in a chapel yard catches a bouquet<br>Another lays a dozen white roses on a grave

And to be yourself is all that you can do  
>To be yourself is all that you can do<p>

Someone finds salvation in everyone, another only pain  
>Someone tries to hide themselves, down inside himself he prays<br>Someone swears his true love until the end of time, another runs away  
>Separate or united? Healthy or insane?<p>

And to be yourself is all that you can do  
>To be yourself is all that you can do<br>Be yourself is all that you can do  
>Be yourself is all that you can do<p>

Even when you've paid enough, been pulled apart or been held up  
>Every single memory of the good or bad faces of love<br>Don't lose any sleep tonight; I'm sure everything will end up alright  
>You may win or lose but to be yourself is all that you can do<p>

Be Yourself by Audioslave

**Chapter 42: Do Over**

**BPOV**

We have been sitting in Edwards Jag for over a half hour now. I haven't been able to move. I know I need to but I can't. I am so nervous. I have already fucked Edward twice and that got me here, well, technically the first one was sort of our normal morning thing except I woke him up primarily because I was all antsy and shit. But the second time I was seriously freaking out. I had called the hospital and the new chief of staff, Dr. Meyers, said he could see me at 10:00 this morning. I had thanked him for his time but couldn't contain my nerves. When Edward had walked out of the bathroom and asked what was wrong I basically launched myself at him. Not that he minded but afterwards I sort of felt bad that I couldn't contain myself. We had talked about what happened as he held me, offering me reassuring words and gentle touches but now that I am sitting here staring at the hospital doors I just want to turn around and leave.

"Baby..." Edward says touching my hand, stopping my movement on my wrist. I turn to look at him and he sighs softly before speaking again, "You need to talk to me." He says as his finger moves along mine over our bracelet.

"I don't know what it is. I just…" I stutter out.

"Then let's leave. We can do this another day." Determination clearly etched on his face.

I shake my head and can feel tears threatening.

"Baby…"

He leans over and kisses me lightly on my lips. I can't help myself and I deepen it, moving my hands into his hair, my tongue moving around his with purpose. Oh God! This is insane how much I need him right now, this cannot be normal. He pulls away from me, breathless, closing his eyes before starting the ignition.

"NO!" I screech as I reach for the door, opening it.

He turns the car off immediately, running around the other side, pulling me into his arms. I can feel his heart beating rapidly but soon his breathing steadies and my body begins to mimic his. He nuzzles into my hair, the words _I love you_ escape his sensuous mouth several times. I need to start talking to him, really talking to him. I know that I can't do this on my own. After several minutes I clear my throat.

"I'm afraid." I whisper against him.

"Of what baby?"

I take several deep breaths, running my fingers along his back, grounding myself to him, to us. He is here for me and I need to start relying on him, in a fucking healthy way. I told myself, hell, I told him, that I wouldn't keep things from him.

"The last time I was here I was leaving you, the time before that I confronted Jake and Dr. Aro, the time before that I was hospitalized for overdosing, the time before that I had a fucking psychotic break or a nervous breakdown or whatever you want to call it." I start crying, "What's going to happen this time? I… I..." I can't even articulate what I'm feeling inside.

"I'll be with you. I won't let anyone hurt you. I will keep you safe." He murmurs urgently and then moves slightly from me, running his fingers under my eyes, wiping my tears away.

"Do you trust me?" I nod and he kisses me lightly before taking my hand in his as we walk towards the hospital.

I am feeling overwhelmed but he is with me and I really do trust him. He would never lead me to danger, it's the opposite in fact, he would jump in front of danger if it meant protecting me. Every few steps he squeezes my hand or gently strokes my fingers with his, reassuring me that he won't leave me. With every step we take I start to feel stronger, like I can handle whatever happens in there because I am not doing it alone. When we get to the door he kisses me lightly on my forehead.

As we walk in I am immediately assaulted with images of me with tubes and IV's, of Dr. Aro, of the surgery, of Jake, feeling lost and out of control. I close my eyes and take a few steadying breaths, reminding myself that I also had many good times in this hospital. Pretty soon those images flood my brain as I see Edward in his scrubs in the OR, us walking hand in hand as I showed him the hospital, him bringing me dinner, him making love to me for the first time, holding me as we slept, me laughing and joking with Rosalie.

"Baby, you okay?"

I open my eyes and nod. I notice that there are a few people looking at us. I look up at him and he offers me a small smile as we walk towards the elevators. He pulls me closer to him and there is a look of sadness on his face. He leans down and kisses me softly on the top of my head.

"What's wrong?" I ask nervously.

"The last time I was here was when you were hospitalized. I just remembered them wheeling you in this elevator and not letting me come with you." He kisses me again softly, "That was one of the longest hours of my life."

The elevator opens and he walks us inside.

"What floor baby?"

I close my eyes, reflecting on what he said. I have been so concerned about myself that it didn't even occur to me how hard this would be for him as well. God, what a selfish bitch I'm being.

"Fifth." He nods and pushes the button. "I'm so sorry baby."

He runs his hand down my back as he pulls me closer to him. "I love you, Bella."

"Edward... I'll never leave you." I say holding him tightly, "I'm here with you, always."

"Always." He agrees.

When we get to the fifth floor we walk slowly to Dr. Meyer's office. His door is open and I tap on it. He tells us to come in and I am immediately surprised by the warm feeling in the room. He has replaced Aro's monstrous desk with something more practical. There are pictures along the wall of various landscapes; the room is decorated in warm colors, lots of oranges and browns. He has a hanging plant in the corner and a comfortable couch against the wall. Overall, the room is very welcoming and I can't help but feel a little more at ease. Dr. Meyers stands and walks over to us.

"Dr. Swan?" he says reaching his hand out to me.

"Nice to meet you, Dr. Meyers." I turn to Edward, "This is Edward. He's here for support. Do you mind if he sits in with us."

He looks at Edward and reaches his hand to him, "Nice to meet you Edward." He then turns to me, motioning for us to sit down. "I don't mind if he stays but I am curious why you felt you needed support."

He leans against his desk and I immediately think of Carlisle and glance at Edward who grins at me. He must have the same thought.

"Well, my experiences in the past have told me to always have support."

He frowns, "I see. How can I help you?"

"Well, I am here to discuss options for coming back to work. I know that I quit about six months ago but there were extenuating circumstances with Dr. Aro that led to that." I pause for a moment as he goes around his desk and opens what I would presume is my file.

"Dr. Aro indicates you were put on suspension because you attacked the father of a young girl who died during surgery."

I close my eyes and immediately touch my bracelet. Edward moves his hand on mine and gently strokes my arm with his fingers.

"I should explain that." I say softly.

"I think you should Dr. Swan because that kind of behavior is never acceptable."

Great! He is already judging me on it. I should just leave. Fuck, Fuck, Fuck! I feel my breathing start to change and immediately put my head between my legs, trying to get my nerves under control. I feel Edward move his hand up and down my back as I try to focus on what Dr. Meyers said, trying to find some kind of positive in this situation.

"Baby… You don't need to do this. This isn't your fault. Please, let's go." He is whispering to me but I am shaking my head.

I feel an unfamiliar hand on my shoulder and look up immediately. What I see surprises me. Dr. Meyers is kneeling down so that he is eye level with me and he has a concerned and worried expression on his face. Why should he care what's going on with me. He doesn't even know me.

"Dr. Swan. Will you please tell me what transpired at my hospital? When you called I asked around and everyone said you were an excellent surgeon. The best they said, better than Dr. Aro even. But no one would tell me what happened to make you leave. All I have is what Dr. Aro wrote and to be honest I am not sure how reliable that is. I can't make a decision about hiring you back without knowing the facts. I stand firm that it is never appropriate to attack anyone but I promise to keep an open mind."

I swallow hard and then sit up, gripping Edward's hand tightly.

"I was suffering from a serious bout of insomnia. After three weeks I saw Dr. Zafrina about some medication. I wasn't honest with her and took more than necessary." I pause, looking at Edward and he nods slightly, squeezing my hand, "I suffer from PTSD due to several events that occurred when I was younger, during the surgery I was having severe flashbacks brought on by my inability to sleep and saw the father as someone he wasn't. I don't actually remember attacking him but I know that I did. Dr. Aro rightfully suspended me and when I left the hospital I ended up in the ICU after drinking while on the meds."

"Is drinking a problem for you Dr. Swan?"

I sigh, "It used to be but I have been sober for a little over 6 months now."

He smiles, "Congratulations. So what happened with Dr. Aro? He just put in your file that you were mentally unstable and that you came to him and quit."

I frown and Edward mumbles something that neither of us can make out as he sits up straighter, moving his free hand into his hair, scowling. Dr. Meyers looks between the two of us.

"That's not what happened?" he asks curiously.

"When I came in he told me he was putting me on indefinite suspension unless…" I pause and glance at Edward who looks extremely angry. He closes his eyes taking slow breaths in and out. I should have told him what happened a long time ago. I should have done a lot of things. Finally I look back at Dr. Meyers, "Dr. Aro and I had a history with one another. My first surgery at this hospital he thought I was a nurse and he propositioned me, I told him there was no way in hell I would ever have sex with him so when I came by to find out the status of my suspension he gave me the option of 'convincing' him to change his mind so I quit instead."

Dr. Meyers straightens up, frowning, and then he is mumbling something as he goes to his desk and flips through several papers scattered across it. I look at Edward and we both have the same confused expression on our faces.

"I'm sorry you went through that with him. I have had many people register complaints against him after he left." He holds up a sheet of paper with several names on it. I can't read the names but there are a lot of them. "I am still cleaning up his mess."

"Yeah, he was pretty full of himself." Fucking bastard that he was.

"So where have you been working the past six months Dr. Swan?"

"I haven't been. I have spent the last six months in treatment, trying to get my shit together." Then I cover my mouth reflexively. "Sorry."

He smiles, "I am not too concerned with you saying shit Dr. Swan. So you have been in treatment, do you feel this treatment was successful?"

"Yes, I do. I'm not saying that I am 'cured' because I am far from it but I think I have learned some better ways to deal with my problems."

"What is your aftercare program?" he says as he grabs a pen and paper.

"I just got back Friday so I haven't started with a therapist yet. I am currently taking Celexa for medication management of some of my symptoms. I haven't had a chance to initiate anything else yet. Like I said I have only been home a few days."

He nods and leans back in his chair. "Well, if I were to hire you back it would be probationary for six months. I would require you to maintain your sobriety, attend AA meetings, ongoing therapy and be subject to random breathalyzer tests. Barring any incidents after the six months' probation I would release all the stipulations. Does that sound reasonable to you?"

I nod. Shit, that is more than reasonable. With my record he could have said no way in hell. Right now I will do whatever it takes to be working again. He is jotting a few things down on the notepad in front of him. After a few moments he looks up to me.

"Well, I am sure I can get you on the schedule next week." He looks down contemplative for a moment and then looks back at me, "Can I put you on the list of the women Dr. Aro has been inappropriate with?"

"Um yeah, sure. There's not a chance he will come back is there?"

"I doubt that. I am just trying to get things in order if he tries." He says shaking his head, "Do we have current contact information for you Dr. Swan?"

"You can use my phone to contact her." Edward says, reaching over and writing down his number on the note pad.

"Wonderful, thank you Edward. I don't think I got your last name."

"It's Cullen. Edward Cullen."

"Really, we have a board member with that last name. Are you related to a Carlisle Cullen?"

Edward and I look at each other and then back at Dr. Meyers. "He's my father. I didn't know he was on the board here." He says furrowing his brows.

"Small world." Dr. Meyers replies.

"Yeah, small world." Edward says looking over at me. I shrug and then look at Dr. Meyers.

"Thank you for seeing me Dr. Meyers and for giving me a second chance." I say, trying to figure out the significance of Carlisle being on the board here.

"You're welcome Dr. Swan. I will call you later today to let you know your schedule. Are there any limitations you have regarding surgery?"

"No sir. I would ask to be assisted for the first few after coming back though if that's possible and I'd like to be on days for a while. I know that may be difficult but I don't want to trigger my insomnia again."

"Well, the assistance I can definitely do. I am not sure about strictly days though. I can keep you off the night rotation the first few months but at some point you will need to do your allotted night shift."

I sigh and nod, "Thank you. I…" I hesitate and then look at Edward, "_We_ will deal with that when it happens." Edward smiles as I squeeze his hand.

"I look forward to working with you Dr. Swan." Dr. Meyers says as he jots some more notes on the pad and then places the sheet in my file.

"Likewise Dr. Meyers."

Edward and I leave the office holding hands. I lean against the wall once we are in the hall, looking up at Edward. Edward kisses me lightly on the lips and pulls me close to him. I rest my head against his chest and am calmed by the steady beating of his heart.

"How do you feel baby?" He whispers into my hair.

"Um, okay. I'm not sure how I feel about your dad being on the board. When did that happen?"

"I have no idea. No one told me anything about that. In fact no one told me anything about… well, anything. It feels like I was in some kind of a cave or something while you were gone because even though I was here, I was kept in the dark. At this point baby, you know as much as I do about everything happening around us."

"Yeah, I guess. Just feels kind of weird." He nods at me as we start walking towards the elevators.

"So, next stop is my dad's. You sure you want to do that?"

"Even more so now." I say firmly.

"Alright, well we should go then."

He brings my hand to his lips and kisses it lightly mouthing I love you as the elevator doors open. We get into the elevator to head back downstairs and are both shocked when we realize that Jake is in there as well. Jake stares at us for a nanosecond and then quickly looks down and away from us. Well, hell, that is kind of odd. The minute the door opens he bolts out but I can't imagine why he would want to get off on the 3rd floor considering he works on the first. I look to Edward who has his brows furrowed in confusion as well.

"What was that about?" I wonder out loud.

"Baby, this whole visit has been strange so who knows." He says laughing.

"Can we stop somewhere to eat before going to my dad's? It's just about lunch time and I am a bit hungry considering someone didn't let me eat this morning." He says arching his brow at me.

I smile, "Yeah, well. I didn't hear you complaining when it happened." I say, nudging him as we head out of the hospital.

He laughs, "Bella, you will never hear me complain about having sex with you. Not after spending six long and torturous months without you."

"I know baby, it was extremely hard for me as well. Hell, I didn't have an 'O' the entire time I was away. I was actually kind of worried about that but Anna said it was pretty normal. Where do you want to go?"

He is watching me.

"What?" I ask confused by his look.

"I love you." He says, kissing me at the car.

* * *

><p>We arrive at his dad's office building a little after 1:00 pm. Edward had called this morning and asked when his dad had some time today and he said between 1:00 and 2:00 as a meeting he was supposed to have got cancelled. So here we are waiting for the elevator and my stomach is in knots again. As we step in my senses are bombarded with images of Mike touching me, whispering his vile words to me, kissing me, hitting me. I close my eyes and wrap my arms around myself.<p>

"What?" Edward asks as he pulls me to him. I don't say anything I just let him hold me. "I swear I am going to kill him for what he tried to do to you." He says angrily.

I shake my head, "Then you would be taken away from me and that's not an acceptable option." I say quietly against his chest.

"I know. I'm sorry. I promised you that I wouldn't let him get to me or bait me into a fight and here I already want to cause him bodily harm and we haven't even entered the office yet." He exhales loudly, "We'll see my dad and we won't even acknowledge Mike if we see him." He kisses my forehead, "It'll be okay." He says as the doors to the elevator open up.

Unfortunately we see Mike immediately when we step into his dad's waiting room. He is sitting on Jessica's desk flirting with her. What a loser! Jessica looks our way and he follows her gaze, he stands up quickly and glares at Edward before turning to me smiling. I can feel the tension in Edward and squeeze his hand forcing him to look at me. I shake my head slowly as we walk past him.

"It's good to see you Bella. I know everyone was so worried about you… and Edward of course. He didn't seem to fair to well without you. Did you Edward?" he says slyly.

Edward stops in his tracks and I turn around facing that mother fucker. I'm about to do exactly what Edward said we wouldn't do. Shit! But the words start coming out before I can stop them.

"You don't fool me Mike. I misjudged you before but now I see you." I walk closer to him, Edward right by my side. "You may have all these people around here fooled by your little act but I see you for the snake you really are. So why don't you go slither somewhere else you pathetic excuse for a man."

He steps closer to me, anger on his face.

I step closer to him, egging him on, as Edward yanks me back, stepping in front of me. I move around him slightly. I know that Edward has a tenuous grasp on his self-control, but, I can't seem to stop myself.

"Go ahead Mike. Show everyone what you're really about." How dare he stand there and act like he isn't some piece of shit.

He glares at me and I know that look. For a quick second I remember all the beatings and I feel my heart sink into the pit of my stomach. But then he suddenly steps back, smiling widely. What the hell did he do that for?

"I don't know what you mean Isabella. I was merely saying we were all worried about you and Edward. I am happy you're home, that's all."

"You're so full of shit Mike." Edward steps closer to him and at the same time he is shoving me further behind him. Edward is definitely in fighting posture as he gets right in his face, forcing Mike to step back, "I promised Isabella that I wouldn't do anything to you but…" Edward is cut off by the sound of his dad behind us.

"What's going on?" we hear Carlisle say agitatedly.

Ah, that's why he shifted faces, trying to impress Mr. Cullen. What a phony bastard. I can't believe someone as smart as Mr. Cullen is fooled by this fucking weasel.

"Mr. Cullen. I have those reports you requested. Would you like them now?" Mike says, ignoring Edward and I.

Carlisle stares at him and then shakes his head, "Later Mike." He turns to us, "Come to my office."

We follow him down the hall. We can't see his face but based on the way people are averting their eyes he must look pissed. Once inside the door he walks past his desk, knocking some papers and pens on the ground and stands before his large panoramic window, mumbling and cursing. Shit!

"Dad… I'm sorry. I just…" Edward starts to say but Carlisle cuts him off.

"Edward I'm not angry at you or Isabella." He sighs and then turns around, walking over to his desk and leaning in front of it like he always does. "So what's going on?"

"I wanted to come by and say sorry for what happened, to ask for your forgiveness for leaving like I did and for hurting Edward in the process." I say quickly.

"Well. I think it's Edward that you should be apologizing to."

"I did that but… I feel like…" I sigh and lean back, touching my bracelet. I am not doing this right.

He starts to say something and I raise my hand to stop him.

"When I spoke to you the first time I was frustrated and I let what you said fester in my mind. I kept thinking I wasn't good enough for Edward and what you said confirmed that. When you came to see me the second time I was very confused. Edward and I had talked about him quitting school and I thought it was settled." I sigh, taking a deep breath, "When I saw you on my couch distraught and worried all I could see was my dad and what he might have done if the situations were reversed and I don't know… I just needed to leave. I felt like I was causing all these problems for Edward. He was angry at you; he wanted to quit school, he was anxious and worried all the time. I couldn't take it. It was overwhelming. I couldn't be the cause of his life being ruined." I look down contritely, taking a deep breath before looking back at Mr. Cullen, "I wanted to make sure that you understood that it wasn't about you. I didn't leave because of what you said. Well, I did sort of but it was my shit not yours. I didn't want you to carry any guilt about what happened. I know how much you love Edward."

"Thank you Isabella. I did feel bad afterwards which to be honest I am not accustomed to. But you're wrong. It was partially my fault. I didn't listen to my wife on either occasion and there were devastating consequences."

He glances at Edward and then turns back to me. I can't help but feel he is holding back.

"Is there something you want to say? You can say anything." I encourage him.

He looks at Edward and then me and then Edward again. He crosses his arms and looks down, contemplating his next words.

"Mr. Cullen it's okay. I promise I'm not going to run away because you're honest with me."

"Isabella…" he looks at me and then pauses, looking back to Edward again. Edward is watching him with furrowed brows but Carlisle doesn't move his eyes away from him this time. "What my son went through, the amount of pain he experienced is something I never want to witness again." Edward closes his eyes and Carlisle turns to me. "I lost him Isabella. I can't and I won't have him go through that again. What kind of reassurances can you give me that you won't disappear when things get difficult?"

I sigh, "Um. I don't know Mr. Cullen."

"Carlisle… Call me Carlisle." He says flustered.

"Dad." Edward starts to say but both of us raise our hands, silencing him.

"Carlisle, I love Edward. Leaving him was the biggest mistake I have ever made in my life." I say looking at Edward, he smiles and then looks down and takes my hand in his, locking our fingers together. I turn back to Carlisle.

"Can I promise you I won't make mistakes or misinterpret things? No I can't. In fact I probably will on a regular basis. Can I promise you that I will never leave him? Yes, I can because I will never leave again willingly. Neither one of us are able to function without the other. Is that healthy? My guess would be no but that's just the way we are." I glance at Edward again, watching as he gently strokes my fingers. Edward looks up at me and I smile before turning back to Carlisle.

"Edward and I have talked about not keeping our feelings from one another and setting some boundaries for our relationship. We want to do this right."

Carlisle arches his brow, "Boundaries huh?"

I let out an exaggerated sigh, "Yes, apparently that is necessary in relationships. So we are starting out simple." I turn and grin at Edward who is giving me my favorite smile. "He is going to work on saying no to me and I am going to work on accepting it when he tells me no."

Edward leans over to me, kissing me lightly on the lips, whispering no over and over again against my smiling mouth.

"Yeah, well. You might want to start with a something a little easier because I don't think my son is capable of saying no to you." Carlisle says sarcastically and we both turn to him and then start laughing at his expression. I smile as I squeeze Edwards's hand.

"Well, he has said no to me a few times recently so we are making some progress."

Edward turns, looking at Carlisle curiously. "Dad, when did you get on the board at Northwest?"

"A couple of months ago, why do you ask?"

"Why would you do that?"

"I was asked to be on the board, that's why? I wasn't aware that you were interested in my day to day business activities Edward."

They are just looking at each other; some unspoken dialogue going on between them that is making me uncomfortable.

"Did you have anything to do with Dr. Aro being fired?" I ask point blank. He turns to look at me and smirks slightly. "Oh my God, you did, didn't you?"

"Well, Isabella. People like that are bound to trip up sometime. Since I am on the board now, I am privy to the knowledge that allegations of misconduct were made against him. He denied such allegations but the board approved his firing due to overwhelming evidence." He crosses his arms as he looks down slightly. When he looks back at me I see mischief in his eyes, "It was my understanding that you and Dr. Aro did not get along Isabella."

I just stare at him. This man is truly bad ass. He had him fired because of what he did to me. I know I should probably be upset but a part of me is grateful. Dr. Aro was an asshole who used his power to force women into having sex with him. I don't feel sorry for him at all. Finally I smile.

"No, we didn't get along at all so thank you Carlisle." I smirk at him, "You are seriously bad ass."

At that he laughs loudly, "Yes, Isabella I believe you might be right on that one." He says as he walks around his desk and starts picking up the papers and pens he knocked on the floor earlier.

Edward is watching our exchange and then lets out an exaggerated huff as he stands up. His dad looks at him with a confused expression as do I. Why is he angry?

"So, you will use your influence to have Dr. Aro fired but you won't do shit about that asshole who still works for you. He attacked her. You know it as well as I do. She can't even go in that damn elevator without thinking about that bastard and what he did to her but there he is out there flirting with Jessica and brown nosing you." Edward is fuming.

"It's not that simple son."

"It isn't? I think it is. Just fire his ass." Edward states firmly.

"Baby, please." I say reaching for him.

"Bella stop!" he says and then turns to Carlisle again, "I am glad you did something about Dr. Aro but what about Mike. You saw what he did out there. He knows he got away with what he did to her and he throws it in our face every chance he gets. What are you going to do about that, DAD!" he says angrily.

Carlisle sits down in his chair and then motions for Edward to sit down as well.

"Son… What I tell you now stays in this room. Do you understand?" he says coolly.

"Yes." Edward says as he sits back down, taking my hand in his.

"The day you came to see me about Bella I put a trace on Mike's calls and activities. There was nothing unusual so after Jenks finished his investigation on Bella I hired him to follow Mike. He found nothing son. Jenks is my best private investigator and he found nothing. It's not that I trust Mike because I don't but I couldn't keep Jenks on him and he hasn't done anything I can fire him for."

"What about the elevator tapes?" Edward asks fuming again.

"That is a whole different issue. Marcus did find out that there was a breech in their system that day. Someone hacked in using one of the security guards clearance ID's. The guard was subsequently fired but the whole day is now gone. The entire day has been erased, like it didn't happen at all."

"But it did!" I can hear and feel Edward's rage. "Dad, she can't go in that elevator. Hasn't she been through enough already?"

Carlisle looks at me. "Isabella. I need you to know that I do believe you but I can't prove it. Do you understand what that means?"

I nod. "It means that Mike gets off Scott free, free to do what he wants, with whomever he wants, no repercussions." I look down and take a deep breath, moving my fingers to my bracelet.

"Please dad, fire him." Edward pleads, tears in his eyes.

"I can't son." He stands up walking to his window again, hitting his palm on the glass several times. Every smack to that window causes me to jump. Holy Shit! Edward places his hand on my leg and squeezes it softly and when I look at him he looks worried. Carlisle takes several deep breaths and then turns back around facing us.

"He turns in everything, his reports are exceptional, and no one has registered any complaints against him. He dots every damn I and crosses every damn T." Carlisle looks so angry. "I have been trying to find a reason to fire him for months." He finally looks down. "If I fire him now he will sue me, the company, our family for wrongful termination, lost wages, slander, you name it and he will win. I have seriously contemplated planting something on him, just so I will have a legitimate excuse to get rid of him."

"Carlisle." I state nervously.

He sighs, "Don't worry Isabella I won't do that." He shrugs and then turns back around looking outside, "At least for now."

Everyone is quite for a long while. Edward is just looking down, upset, and Carlisle is looking out the window upset. I sigh and then start talking again.

"Carlisle, when Edward and I were leaving the hospital we saw Jake in the elevator and he didn't say anything. Did you have something to do with that?"

He turns around and smiles. "I believe he was merely responding as he has been instructed. It's my understanding that he was reminded shortly after Dr. Aro left about a previous conversation he and I had and the consequences that he would incur should he go against what we agreed on."

"Jesus, Carlisle. I am going to be working there. I might need to talk to him. What did you do exactly?"

He arches his brow at me, "Do you really want to know that Isabella?"

I lean back in my chair, staring at him. What the hell am I supposed to do about that? I can't have Jake scared to communicate with me. What if we need to consult on a case or something?

"Carlisle… I don't want Jake pissing his pants every time I am around cause he's afraid of what you will do to him. I really appreciate the gesture and to be honest a part of me is seriously flattered. You Cullen men are something else but really I need to be able to talk to him on occasion and I promise I will throw your name out if he crosses a line. But based on the fear I saw on his face today I don't think he will."

He just looks at me, grinning, as he walks back to his desk. He is definitely in his element threatening people. I almost wish I could have seen him take out Dr. Aro. Hell, I wish I could have seen him intimidate Jake. Not many people are able to do that.

"Alright, alright. I will get word to him that he can converse with you if it is work related." He says, laughing.

The phone on his desk buzzes and we hear Jessica tell Carlisle that everyone is ready for his meeting. Edward and I stand up and he walks over to us. He hugs Edward and whispers something in his ear to which Edward nods. He then hugs me and whispers for me to take care of his son. I nod at him and whisper always. Edward pulls me close to him as we exit the office and see Mike standing in the hall, waiting with four other men to see Carlisle. Edward and he trade glares until Mike breaks the connection, entering Carlisle's office.

Edward hits the elevator button hard and then runs his hand in his hair. When it opens he pulls me inside, hitting the button to the first floor. I close my eyes and then all the tension and nervousness I felt throughout the day reaches the surface. I pull Edward to me kissing him fiercely, moving my hands to his pants, unbuttoning them quickly.

"Edward, fuck me!" I whisper against his mouth, "Make me forget what Mike did in here. Make this elevator yours. Please… fuck me!" I move my mouth to his neck and start biting on his flesh as I stick my hand into his pants, stroking his now hard cock.

He growls and hits the stop button on the elevator, grabbing me and lifting me up. He moves my skirt up, pushes my panties aside and then thrusts inside me quickly while biting and sucking on my neck. He moves one hand to my ass, holding me in place and then puts his other hand on the wall near my head. He starts moving in and out of me quickly.

"Yes, baby." I grunt out, "Oh God, Edward, yes."

"You're mine Bella." He moans as he thrusts into me hard.

"Yes, yours."

"Always." He thrusts into me again.

"Yes, always."

He claims my mouth, moving his tongue inside, circling and tasting and devouring me, owning me completely. I can barely breathe as he moves his mouth to my neck, sucking and kissing and biting me, all the while he is pushing into me, increasing his pace with every thrust. I am building but not quick enough. We don't have enough time to take it slow. I move my mouth to his neck and bite down on him sucking vigorously as he moans against me.

"Push me down, Edward." I grunt against his neck.

He moves his mouth to mine and repositions me so that I am resting slightly on the railing in the elevator. Both of his hands move to my hips as he pushes me down with every thrust he makes, rubbing me beautifully against him. Oh God! Yes, that's it.

"Touch yourself Bella" he says throatily causing my whole body to shudder in response.

I immediately move one of my hands down between us and begin circling my clit as I slip my tongue back into his mouth, hungrily attacking his perfect lips. I continue to pleasure myself and then move my hand to him, feeling his cock coming out of me, slick and wet. I hold on to him so that now every time he enters me my hand is stroking him up and down in quick successive movements.

"Oh God! Bella… Fuck… squeeze me, squeeze me fucking tighter." He pants.

I tighten my grip around his fucking amazing cock every time he enters me. After only a couple of thrusts I feel him pulsing and he comes quickly inside me, screaming and moaning loudly as he moves his finger to my clit, flicking it several times until my walls clench around him. His whole body starts shaking as my orgasm prolongs his, causing him to whimper through labored breaths as he pushes me up against the elevator walls, holding me in place. When his body stops trembling he pulls out of me just as the elevator starts moving again.

"What the fuck?" I say as the motion of the elevator makes me slide to the ground, landing on my ass.

"Are you okay?" Edward says as he pulls me up.

"Yeah, yeah… I'm alright." I say straightening out my panties and skirt.

He quickly moves his cock inside his pants and is buttoning his jeans when the elevator doors open up and we see two security guards standing there waiting for us. I can't help it, I laugh so fucking hard. I mean seriously isn't that just our fucking luck!

* * *

><p><strong>AN… Ah, come on, don't you think that's funny! I do :-) Oh, don't worry. These are Marcus's security people so they aren't in any real trouble…LOL… I just figured Marcus would have upped the quality of security people he hired. After all it's not like they couldn't "see" what these two were doing… naughty, naughty, naughty! So they had to at least talk to them right? **

**So, hmmm… what do you think of Dr. Meyers? And Mike, well, he is truly on my shit list right now. Okay actually he has been for a while but more so now. I need to get him bad, like really, really bad. And, oh my... This bad ass Daddy C is doing something to my Beta's, how about you? And, I don't know. Is it me or does an angry, protect the woman he loves Edward turn you on as well? Inquiring minds want to know…LOL**

**Another Rec for ya... this time around it is the Twilight Post Secret Challenge. My girl Amanda wrote a spectacular story for the contest but since it is anonymous I can't tell you which one is hers or even hint at which one it is. But check out the contest entries and vote for your favs, hopefully hers will be one of them :-) The link is www dot fanfiction dot net/u/3219624/TwiPSChallenge Contest ... voting continues until December 12th.**

**Also, if you haven't voted yet in the Beyond the Pale contest get over there and vote. Amanda wrote a very HAWT Jasper story that needs your vote... WATCH... www dot fanfiction dot net/u/2431148/ ... voting ends on December 12th.**

**As always… show me some love, let me know what ya think is going on.**


	44. Ch 43: Amazing

**Rating: M- For lemons (lots of them), language and situations. So this means if you're under 16 please be responsible for yourself.**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer is the sole owner of the world of Twilight. I am just having a little harmless fun with her characters.**

**Once again thank you to my amazing Beta's A & C for your guidance, encouragement & support. Ah, what can I say that I haven't said already except, hmmm, thank you for really, really, really, getting me. I have posted some pictures on the blog for this chapter and the new song has been updated to the playlist. The song for this chapter is one of my favs by Bruno Mars and I think it fits exactly how Edward sees Bella.**

**Sooooo, hmmm, lots of love for Daddy C last chapter. I might have to hook you all up with a little something, something on that regard *wink, wink* and to quote my man Fifty "What is it about elevators?" LOL**

* * *

><p>Oh her eyes, her eyes, make the stars look like they're not shining<br>Her hair, her hair, falls perfectly without her trying  
>She's so beautiful and I tell her every day<p>

Yeah, I know, I know when I compliment her she won't believe me  
>It's so, it's so, sad to think that she don't see what I see<br>But every time she asks me do I look okay, I say

When I see your face there's not a thing that I would change  
>'Cause you're amazing girl, just the way you are<br>And when you smile the whole world stops and stares for awhile  
>'Cause girl you're amazing, just the way you are<p>

Her lips, her lips, I could kiss them all day if she'd let me  
>Her laugh, her laugh, she hates but I think it's so sexy<br>She's so beautiful and I tell her every day

Oh you know, you know I'd never ask you to change  
>If perfect's what you're searching for then just stay the same<br>So don't even bother asking if you look okay, you know I'll say

Just The Way You Are by Bruno Mars

**Chapter 43: Amazing**

**EPOV**

I hear the shower turn off and smile as I lean against the counter, sipping my coffee. It's been a few weeks since Bella came home. Every morning that I wake up with her feels like the best day of my life. She started back to work last week and had come home that day just plain giddy. She couldn't stop talking about her day, laughing at the fact that Jake had worked that day as well and had avoided her like the plague. We have both been eating better; well Bella is an exceptional cook so that has been a fairly easy transition. She had told me she intended to "fatten me up." Yeah, hate to break it to her but with my metabolism that probably won't happen but in the few weeks she has been home we have both gained some weight.

Her moods have definitely been better the past week. She got in with a therapist my mom recommended and she seems to like her. She has also been hitting an AA meeting most nights. She suggested that I go to the Al-Anon groups as well but I don't know. I went to one and it was kind of weird. Bella and I weren't like that. I don't think I enabled her drinking or made excuses for her drinking. I guess I understood why she did it. I mean I probably could have worked a little harder at getting her help sooner but I can't change that now. So, anyway, I haven't tried another one even though Bella keeps telling me I should. I usually end up just waiting at the coffee shop and reading while she's in her meeting. I am completely done with school now and don't have a clue what I am going to do next. It's too late to apply for a doctoral program so I have no idea what my plan should be. I had initially wanted to travel with Bella but now that she is working again that's out of the question.

I've been thinking a lot about all the things my dad said when we saw him a few weeks ago. I am still stumped by Mike and what he's up to. I just don't get it. My dad is the smartest person I know, Jenks is the most resourceful person my dad knows and Marcus is the most trusted person my dad has on staff. So how the hell could Mike's stupid ass pull the wool over all of their eyes? It just doesn't make any sense. My head hurts just thinking about it. Bella keeps saying to let it go but I can't. I want to know what's going on.

Bella and I have been doing amazing so far. Of course the sex is always fantastic but it's more than that. I feel like she is really opening up to me. I still have to nudge her to talk but she always does. Usually she gives herself away with the bracelet thing. I have been giving her a chance to say what's on her mind but if she doesn't I push her to tell me. It was awkward at first but it's getting better. After the incident at my Dad's office we have tried to stay away from public sex but I think she is starting to miss it. I know I am. I grin remembering when those elevator doors opened and we saw those security guards.

**FLASHBACK**

"_Sir, Ma'am."_

_Oh shit! I glance at Bella and she starts laughing hysterically. I just shake my head and start laughing as well. When I glance back at the security guards they are not laughing or smiling. I take a deep breath, holding Bella's hand._

"_Are you aware that it is against the law to have sex in a public elevator?" one of the guards says to me authoritatively._

"_Well, it wasn't a __**public**__ elevator so I guess we are okay." I say much to Bella's delight. Yes, I can be a smart ass when I want to be._

_Both guards frown at me. Apparently they don't think the situation is as funny as Bella and I do._

"_May we see your ID'S?"_

_Bella straightens up and then she isn't smiling anymore. In fact she has turned as white as a ghost and she looks worried as she digs into her purse. I reach into my back pocket, pulling out my wallet. We hand them our ID's and I pull her closer to me._

"_Baby, what's wrong?"_

_She shakes her head, watching as the two guards step a few feet away from us and one pulls out his walkie talkie. I glance at Bella and she looks like she is going to be sick. What the hell!_

"_Baby, please, talk to me."_

_She is watching them intently, "I'm having __déjà vu__." She says softly as she closes her eyes tightly, shaking her head vehemently, "I… I can't be charged with anything and I don't want you to have a record. This was fucking stupid!" She says through erratic breaths._

"_Déjà vu__?" and then it hits me, the Fourth of July. Well shit!_

_I turn to look at the guards, oh man. Dad's going to be pissed if they call the cops. I can't really make out what is being said but by the expression on their faces it looks like they are being yelled at. I finally hear 'yes, sir' as they walk back over to us and hand us our ID's._

"_Mr. Cullen. You two are free to go."_

"_That's it?" I ask confused and Bella grabs my hand, tugging on it._

_The guard sighs, "Yes, that's it. We were advised to let you go."_

"_By who, my dad?"_

_They look at me confused, "Were you trying to get arrested?"_

"_God, no! I just want to know who told you to let us go considering when my girlfriend was attacked in these very elevators no one seemed to give a shit but you two were ready to call the cops on us right now." I say angrily._

_They look at me and then Bella who is gripping our bracelet tightly. I sigh._

"_Never mind." I state as we walk away from them._

_Bella is quiet as we walk to the car and when I open her door I pull her close to me._

"_I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. It just pisses me off that no one did anything to help you."_

_She nods against me and I hold her for a long time before she finally looks up at me and smiles._

"_So, you got a little Bad Ass in you as well huh?"_

_I smile widely and chuckle, "No, I think the Bad Ass gene ended with my father but who knows what will happen when we have children." _

_She doesn't say anything at first and I wonder if maybe I overstepped it a little. We have never talked about marriage or children but it is a natural progression for our relationship. I know we just got back together but neither one of us can stand the thought of being away from each other. Plus, I want all that with Bella. House, kids, family vacations, the works._

"_Well, I am pretty hardcore so between that and those dormant genes in you the world better look out!" she says as she gets in the car, shaking her head and giggling._

**END FLASHBACK**

I hear her heels clicking in the hallway and look up. My God! She's stunning. My sister had picked out the dress she is wearing. Alice had been jumping up and down in our living room about a week ago, saying this dress had just come in and when she saw it she immediately thought of Bella. She had said it was perfect for her. Chalk another one up for sis cause she sure got this one right.

She's wearing this short black and white dress that goes over one shoulder and connects somehow in the back. Her hair is down and flowing around her shoulders and she is wearing a pair of shiny black high heels with no stockings so her smooth and creamy legs are just begging to be touched. Bella does a full circle, grinning at my expression. The back of the dress crosses over her shoulder blades so that a large part of her back is exposed. My God! How am I supposed to not touch her in that dress? She walks up to me smiling and then runs the tips of her fingers across my parted lips.

"You look very handsome Mr. Cullen. Special occasion?"

I smile, "No, not much happening."

She frowns and smacks my arm, "Excuse me but graduating is a big deal."

I laugh, "Okay, okay. Wait, did you just hit me with my graduation present?"

She giggles, "Yes, I did."

I snatch it from her. "So, since you have already hit me with it, it must not be breakable." I say shaking it. It's hard but it feels like its padded or something.

She grabs it from my hands. "You can open it later. You haven't officially graduated yet." She says kissing me.

I pick her up and set her on the counter continuing to kiss her as she brings her hands into my hair. I run my fingers along the exposed part of her back and move my mouth along her neck, sucking just behind her ear. She moans and tugs on my hair, forcing me to look at her.

"I am _not_ meeting your grandparent's smelling like we just had sex!"

I grin at her and lift her off of the counter, kissing her again.

"Hmm, I suppose." I sigh, "Well, we better head out before we are late. My grandfather is very particular about those kinds of things."

She gets a serious expression on her face.

"They will love you." I say squeezing her hand.

"Well, I love you so that's what counts." She says putting her arm around my waist.

* * *

><p>It didn't take long to get to the Marriott. I valet the car and take her hand as we walk in to the hotel. We are meeting both sets of grandparents and my family for brunch before going to the university. I immediately straighten out my jacket when I see them and already regret my choice of clothes. I am wearing a pair of black dress slacks, a black polo shirt but it is unbuttoned so you can see a little bit of my white undershirt, and a black blazer. When we walk to the table my dad already looks annoyed. My mom stands immediately as do all the men at the table. She hugs me.<p>

"Now, don't you look handsome?" She says kissing my cheek.

"Bella, you look absolutely beautiful." She says hugging her as well.

I walk around the table holding Bella's hand. I lean down and kiss my maternal grandmother.

"Grandma, this is Isabella."

"Isabella, this is my Grandma Dorothea but we just call her Dottie."

"It's a pleasure to meet you my dear." She says hugging Bella.

"Thank you ma'am, it's a pleasure to meet you as well."

"Grandpa, this is Isabella."

"Isabella, this is my Grandpa Anthony."

"Isabella, it's good to finally meet the woman that stole our grandson's heart."

Bella blushes as he gives her a big hug and kisses her on the cheek. I grin as I move to my paternal grandparents.

"Grandmother, I'd like you to meet Ms. Isabella Swan."

"Isabella, this is my Grandmother Elizabeth"

My grandmother smiles at her and shakes her hand. I frown and then look to my grandfather.

"Grandfather, this is my Isabella."

"Isabella, this is my Grandfather Carlisle Cullen, the second." I wink at her. Thank God I didn't end up, Carlisle, the fourth.

She smiles at me and then turns to him. He nods at her and then looks her up and down, assessing her. Bella stares at him and then reaches her hand out. He takes it in his then he looks at me and frowns as he lets go of her hand.

"Your school doesn't require you to dress up for occasions such as this?" he states coldly.

God, I should have worn a dress shirt and tie instead of this polo shirt.

"Well, if you had gone to Harvard like _all_ the other Cullen men you would have been required to wear a suit. Out of respect, if nothing else." As he says the last part he looks over to my father who is gripping his fork tightly.

"He's fine father. Edward had a _choice_ unlike _all_ the other Cullen men. UW is an excellent school." My dad says staring at him.

"I'm sorry grandfather. I should have dressed up a bit more. I mean no disrespect." I say as we walk around to the open seats.

Bella and I sit down and Alice smiles at her, mouthing that she looks beautiful. Bella grins and mouths you too. The waiter comes around with wine and Bella and I immediately cover our glasses. If she isn't drinking I'm certainly not going to.

"Can I just have water with a slice of lemon in it?" Bella asks and the waiter smiles and then looks at me.

"Same for me."

We order our food and listen as Alice talks about some new line at the store she is at. She grins at Isabella and tells her about an outfit she must get. Jasper is quieter than usual. I know the elder Cullen is not his favorite person; their first meeting wasn't very favorable if my memory serves me right. My maternal grandparents are laughing and joking with everyone at the table while my paternal ones seem more reserved than usual. I wonder if dad and granddad have already gotten into it.

"What kind of medicine do you practice Isabella?" My grandpa Tony asks in between bites.

"I'm a surgeon." She says smiling, "I am not specializing in anything per se. I think I would get bored doing the same thing over and over again. I like not knowing what to expect when I come in for my shift."

My grandpa Tony laughs, "Sounds logical to me."

"Where did you go to school?" My other grandfather says and Bella turns to look at him.

"Florida State for pre-med and the University of Southern California for Med School." She says and then takes a bite of her eggs.

"So why are you working in a public hospital? You would think you could get a job at a better facility having graduated from USC." He says taking a bite of his food.

Bella stares at him for a moment and starts to open her mouth but my dad starts speaking first.

"Northwest is a premier hospital in this region and hires exceptional staff. Just because it isn't private doesn't mean it is lacking in anything."

"Oh that's right. You decided to serve on the board there didn't you? Now why exactly was that? What's your angle with that Carlisle? Why would you want to serve on a menial board like that if you had nothing to gain by doing it?" My grandfather says with a look of disgust on his face.

"Well, I don't expect you to understand philanthropy, so why waste by breath." My dad says as he leans back in his chair and takes a sip of his wine.

"I will not have you talk to me that way Carlisle." My grandfather huffs and everyone at the table gets quiet, "Don't you think it's time you outgrew this rebel against daddy thing? It's tiresome Carlisle and I am too old to play anymore."

Bella is staring at the two of them and frowning. There is no chatter as my dad and grandfather glare at one another. Finally my grandpa Tony blurts out.

"So, what's your plan after graduation Edward? Have you decided what you would like to do?"

I turn to look at him but before I can speak my Grandpa Carlisle moves his eyes away from my dad and focuses on me.

"Yes, Edward what is your plan?" Grandpa Carlisle says bitterly. "I suppose there isn't much you can really do with a degree in English?"

I hear movement around me and see that my mother has an uncharacteristic scowl on her face. I can tell she is biting her tongue. I know my grandpa didn't always treat her well in the beginning of their marriage but my mom has always been respectful to him. She said that sometimes it's better to ignore people who don't have enough respect for themselves to respect others. That their lives are miserable already and they just want to taint others with their negativity and that it wasn't worth the energy.

"I haven't decided yet?" I announce softly.

Bella smiles, "Well, you're brilliant so I'm not worried." She says as she kisses me lightly on the cheek. I smile at her as she gently strokes my face.

"Ah, love." My grandma Dottie says, smiling at us.

"Ah, money." Grandpa Carlisle replies.

Bella turns swiftly and looks at him. "Are you implying that I am with Edward because of his money?" she says harshly.

"Well, that is a natural assumption, Ms. Swan."

"Edward is the kindest, most compassionate and brilliant man I have ever met. Of course, that couldn't be the reason now could it?"

He starts to say something but Bella cuts him off.

"How dare you. You don't know anything about me and from the looks of it you don't know a thing about your grandson either because if you did you would see that he is capable of so much, just because he doesn't care about money doesn't mean he won't do something fabulous with his life. And, here's a little newsflash for you… I have done everything on my own; I have never asked anyone for anything. I don't need Edward's money. The only thing I need from Edward is his love."

"We shall see." Grandpa says, not affected by her words at all.

She stands up quickly and walks away from the table, gripping her wrist and muttering to herself. I stand up immediately but Alice motions for me to sit down.

"I'll go check on her Edward." She turns to grandpa, "I can't believe you would say that grandpa. You have no idea how much she loves my brother and how much they have already been through together. Bella isn't impressed with money. She's not like that." She turns around with a huff and follows Bella to the restroom.

I glance at my mom and she has her eyes closed and is breathing in slowly, finally she looks at my grandfather. "I guess some things never change." She turns to my father, who looks like his heart is about to break. My mom pushes away from the table, heading in the direction of Bella and Alice.

I stare at my grandfather for a long time, wanting to say something but the only words that want to come out are laced with venom. I glance at my father who now looks like he is ready to kill my granddad and hide the body where no one can find it. Everyone is silent. Finally I just stand up, grabbing Bella's purse.

"We'll meet you all at the ceremony."

I walk over to the restroom and just wait outside until Bella, Alice and my mom come out. I can tell that Bella has been crying which makes my heart ache. I take Bella's hand and then kiss Alice's forehead, thanking her. My mom hugs us both before she and Alice start walking back to the table. Bella and I start walking towards the door and Bella stops, looking up at me confused.

"We're leaving. We will meet everyone at UW." I say determinedly.

"We don't need to leave, Edward." She is looking at me like she did something wrong.

"I'm so sorry. I had no idea he would act that way." I kiss her softly on the top of her head.

"No, I'm sorry baby. I lost my temper. I didn't like the way he was treating you but I shouldn't have said anything. He's a bitter old man and I let him get to me. I…" She says sighing. "I don't think I made a very good first impression."

"How they feel about you is unimportant to me. My parents and my friends all love you. That's all that matters."

"Isabella, Edward. Hold on." We turn and see my dad approaching us. "Please don't leave. He won't say anything else. I promise he will behave."

"Did you threaten your dad, Carlisle?" Bella says sarcastically as she looks over to him.

"I did actually." He says grinning, "Look Isabella. My father and I have never gotten along and he certainly doesn't approve of the way I raised Edward. I know that I wasn't perfect in that regard but I tried to allow him choices that I was never given. I tried not to act like _him_." He says motioning his head towards the restaurant.

He turns to me with a look of concern on his face. "Son... I hope you know that I am very proud of you. Yes, I would have loved for you to work with me, to be able to see you every day, be a part of your life in that way, but I know that isn't what you wanted." He looks down and then back at me, "Hearing the way _he_ talked I realized that at times I must have sounded and acted like that, if that's the case I am truly sorry."

"Thank you dad, I love you." I say as I hug him. "But I don't want to stay. We'll meet you over there. Is that alright?"

He sighs, "Yes, it's alright. Well, at least he won't stay for your reception." He smiles knowingly and then turns to Bella, "I'm really sorry he treated you like that."

"I'm really sorry I yelled at your father." Bella says smiling.

My dad laughs loudly, "I'm not."

We continue to hear him laughing as he walks back into the restaurant. The valet hands me my keys and we get into my Jag, heading towards the school. We are really early so we are able to get good parking. I smile and look over at her.

"Do you want to go for a walk?"

"How about we go check out the library?" she smiles, "So we can say goodbye properly." she winks.

I smile and my cock comes to life immediately. She giggles and then opens the car door. I get to her quickly and pull her to me, kissing her deeply. She runs her hands over my cock and it leaps in my pants, eager to get to her. Oh man! She smiles and starts walking towards the Allen library. When we get there she snatches some Kleenex from the counter and we start walking upstairs. The library is really quiet, it's practically deserted but somehow I don't think having people around would have stopped Bella. She pushes me down on one of the chairs and I immediately start undoing my pants, pulling my cock out and stroking it in front of her.

"God, baby, that's so sexy."

I smile as she shimmies her panties off and then I look at her quizzically. "I don't have an extra pair on me and we won't have a chance to go home."

She smiles and sticks them in my jacket pocket as she hikes up her dress. She reaches between us and takes my cock from my hand, guiding me inside her and bringing her mouth to mine. She starts moving slowing up and down on me as she kisses along my jaw. When she starts flexing her walls around my cock I moan loudly as I sweep my tongue in and around her mouth. She picks up her pace as she starts fisting my hair, controlling our kiss.

"I love you Edward." She says panting.

I move my hands to her waist, and then trace her exposed back with my fingertips. I move my hands over her ass, pushing her against me as I move my hips in a circular motion. She throws her head back and starts uttering the sexiest noises. God! This dress is covering up her tits and I want to touch them so bad. I move my forehead to her chest, pulling her closer to me. I can't even articulate anything because all that ends up coming out of my mouth is a garbled mess of words and syllables.

"Baby… God… so good… so… ummm...oh God… fuuuucccckkkk." I moan out ready to burst inside of her.

She slams into me hard and her walls constrict around me as her body melts into mine. I move her slightly, feeling her shiver on top of me and release within her. I hold her in place while we ride out our orgasm and then she moves off of me as my cum starts spilling out of her. I watch her clean herself off, just mesmerized by her movements.

She looks at me and smiles, bending down on her knees. She takes another Kleenex, wiping me off and making sure I didn't get anything on my clothes. Then she reaches into my pocket to grab her panties, tapping me on the nose with them before putting them on. I button up my pants and once she straightens her dress out, she gets back on my lap, cuddling next to me.

"I'm going to miss this library." I say nuzzling into her hair.

She giggles, "Me too."

* * *

><p>The ceremony was long. It took close to two hours and the whole time I was worried about Bella. I didn't want my grandfather to say anything else to her but she reassured me that she would be fine and that she had Rosie for back up. When they called my name I could hear Emmett and Jasper screaming loudly and when I found them I just smiled because they were standing along with Bella and Alice and Rosalie, all cheering for me.<p>

I met everyone afterwards and did the customary pictures before we were to meet at my parent's house for my reception. Although there will be a lot of people from school there it is mostly my dad's business associates or wannabe business associates. It's sort of a time where people who want to impress my dad come around and schmooze with him. Alice and I are so used to any special occasion turning into a schmooze fest for people to worship at dads' feet that it seems perfectly normal to us. When we pull up to the house, Bella stops me before I can open the door.

"I want you to open your present in here, with just me." She says smiling as she reaches for my gift on the floor.

I smile as I turn it around. Bella has her bottom lip in her mouth and her finger curled near the side of her mouth. She looks nervous. I can't suppress the giggle that comes out of my mouth as I rip the paper off and then the bubble wrap she has on it as well. When I look down at what it is, I gasp. I gently stroke the cover and open it up, running my finger over the 'A' on the copyright page. I can feel tears in my eyes.

"This is too much Baby." I say, touching the pages lovingly.

She got me a first edition of Ernest Hemingway's For Whom the Bell Tolls. I turn the book over and there is a large picture of Hemingway on the back. This is in really good condition with the original dust jacket on it. This is expensive; I have seen copies in this condition sell for a couple of grand.

"Do you like it?" she whispers uneasily.

"I love it. Where did you find it?" I say finally looking up at her.

She is smiling widely and bouncing in her seat. "Um, a collector online. I started with that book store we went to on Whidbey Island and he directed me to this collector who had a first edition. I know that's your favorite story he wrote."

I pull her to me, kissing her deeply. "Thank you. This is the best gift I have ever received."

She moves her bottom lip into her mouth again and smiles. I kiss her again for several minutes before we hear a loud thump on my rear window and hear Emmett and Jasper laughing. I touch my forehead to hers and close my eyes.

"Thank you, sweetheart."

I take a deep breath and move away from her, opening my door, holding my book tightly. I am just grinning like an idiot when we go inside and I immediately start showing everyone what Bella gave me.

The party itself is outside. My mom had gone all out with a huge dance floor, a DJ, and a large buffet service. Bella and I are sitting at a large table with our friends including Eric & Angela. When I see Mike walk in and go talk to my dad I cringe, my whole body stiffens and I think I may have even growled. Bella follows my gaze and frowns. My dad doesn't look happy right now either.

"What the hell is he doing here? This is _your_ party isn't it?" She says, anger dripping with every word.

The rest of the table turns and sees him, just as Mike turns to look at us. My dad says something to him and he nods, walking away and moving to a group of men in suits nearby. We watch as he smiles and shakes hands, really putting on the charm. I feel Bella touch my face and then force me to turn to her.

"Baby… he will not ruin this night for you, for us, right?"

I take a deep breath and nod, kissing her lightly. I glance at my dad again and he is looking at us and then he mouths _I'm sorry_ to me. I nod and turn back to Bella. The music starts and we all get up and start dancing and laughing and having a great time. When Rihanna's Only Girl in the World comes on I am immediately reminded of Trinity as Bella and I look at each other with lust filled eyes. She remembers too. We move close to each other and then hear Alice screech next to us.

"PG-13, PG-13… Dad has business associates here."

We both grin as we look at her. Then Bella turns to me and smiles mischievously.

"Hear that baby, PG-13; I believe that means no thrusting." She says wagging her eyebrows at me.

"Hmm, but people want to see thrusting, not probing." I say as I thrust my hips into her.

"Well, we don't want to upset the censors." She says as she starts moving seductively to the music.

"No, we don't want to do that." I say as I run my fingers along her exposed back and then rest them on her ass, pulling her close to me as I rotate my hips. She throws her head back and moans exaggeratedly.

"Oh you two are impossible." Alice says and smacks me on the arm. Why is everyone smacking me today?

Bella starts laughing which does delicious things to my body as we start moving to the music. I bring my hands over her back again as she moves her hands into my hair, pulling me to her and sweeping her tongue into my mouth. As our kiss becomes heated I begin moving her against the now prominent bulge in my pants as our dance quickly moves into an M rating.

"E… your parents are watching you." Jazz says close by us.

I stop kissing her and rest her head against my neck as we slowly sway to the music. I take several deep breaths trying to tame the desire to take her right here on the dance floor. God! We just had sex not that long ago but my cock doesn't seem to care and frankly neither do I. When the song changes we don't shift our movements. It's like we are dancing to our own song and not what's playing around us.

Suddenly, she moves away from me, grabbing my hand and jerking me off of the dance floor. She is looking around quickly and then smiles as she takes me away from the party and down past the side of the house. I can still hear the music but not any people. She pushes me playfully against the wall of the house and undoes my pants, pulling my cock out. I close my eyes and let out a low guttural moan when she squeezes my length.

"I want you so bad baby." She says as she gets on her knees and puts me in her mouth.

I involuntarily arch into her as the back of my head hits the wall. She sweeps her tongue around me and then traces the ridge on the underside of my cock, my whole body starts quivering when she runs her tongue into my slit and then sucks on my head. I glace down at her and she looks up at me as she moves her mouth all the way over my cock several times.

"Bellahhhhhhh" I say as I close my eyes.

"Watch me baby." She says as she licks around my length.

I open my eyes, watching as she continues to move my cock in and out of her mouth and then slam my hands against the wall when I see her hand move under her dress. Oh God! I swallow hard as her eyes flutter and I know she is circling her clit right now. She pushes my hips against the wall and starts sucking fiercely on me, scrapping her teeth along my cock as she continues to touch herself.

"Baby, Oh God! I'm going to come, are you close?" I mutter out.

She nods as she begins humming against my cock and it's too much. I start to come just as she takes me all the way in her mouth moaning as her eyes roll back and she hollows out her cheeks. If she wasn't pushing me up against the wall I am sure my legs would have buckled at the intensity of my orgasm but she continues to hold me in place as my body trembles against the wall. When she is done she pulls away from me, smiling contently as she closes her eyes and her head falls back.

I unfortunately can't move for a minute or two and just rest my head against the wall, trying to come back to earth. I glance at her as I reposition myself and button up my pants. I smile at her expression and then reach for her, lifting her up to me so that I can hold her.

"Words can't even describe how good that was." I whisper into her hair.

"God! I can't wait to get you home." She mutters against me.

"Maybe we can sneak out right now." I whisper, half joking.

She starts laughing and then looks at her purse which is now buzzing. She reaches for it and pulls out her phone, laughing as she reads a text.

"What is it?" I say curiously.

She types a quick reply and then hands it over to me. It's a text from Rosalie.

*****Hurry up and make him come, Daddy C is looking for him*****

I start laughing, "Daddy C, huh?"

She grins, "Yeah that's what me and Rosie started calling him."

I shake my head laughing. "Well, I want to see either of you actually call him that to his face."

She smiles as we start walking back towards the party, laughing and giggling. As we walk onto the dance floor we see my dad talking to someone. He turns to look at me, continuing his conversation but he arches his brow at me. I can't help but blush as I pull Bella closer to me, kissing the top of her head. I glance at my dad again and he motions for me to come over.

"My dad wants me."

"I'll go hang with Rosie. Tell Daddy C I said _what up_." She says, giggling.

I shake my head at her, laughing as I kiss her lightly on the lips. I walk over to my dad and he immediately puts his arm around my shoulder.

"Edward, you remember Mr. Collins, don't you?" My dad asks.

"Of course... It's a pleasure to see you again." I say shaking his hand, giving him my standard response. Dad knows I don't remember any of them but it always sounds good when us kids 'remember' dad's business associates.

"If you could excuse us, please?" My dad says to Mr. Collins and he immediately turns and heads to another group of men.

"So…" he says as he walks me towards the DJ. "I take it you and Bella won't be sneaking off any more?" he says glancing at me.

"We just went for a walk." Well, that's technically true.

"Uh huh… well, I would really like to see you two try to contain yourselves. I don't want my business colleagues thinking my son can't keep it in his pants long enough to wait until he gets home." He says arching his brow at me.

I sigh, "Yes, sir."

"Son, you can't just go about having sex whenever and wherever you want. I thought you two were trying to set some boundaries." He says with a much softer tone.

"We are." I say looking at him.

"Alright, well. It's time that you gave your speech. Are you ready?"

I nod, "Let me ask the DJ something first though okay?"

"Sure."

I walk to the DJ and tell him I am going to give a speech and ask if he has a certain song. He gives me a look like I am an idiot and nods. I ask him to play it when I give the signal. He agrees and then I walk back to my dad, realizing my mom is now up here as well. My dad takes the microphone from the DJ stand and taps it to make sure it is on.

"Can I have your attention please?" Everyone turns around and gets quiet.

"My wife and I…" he puts his arm around my mom and smiles lovingly at her, then looks back to the crowd. "My wife and I would like to thank all of you for coming today to celebrate our son's graduation. We are very proud of him and the accomplishments he has made so far in his life and are excited to see what wonderful things he does from here on out." Everyone starts clapping.

"Thank you… My son would like to say a few words." He says as he hands me the microphone.

I take the microphone and clear my throat. I glance at the crowd and then see Isabella smiling at me. She is sitting at our table with everyone else.

"First off I would like to thank my parents for all of their support over the years." I turn to look at them and smile, "I love you two very much. I couldn't have asked for better parents." Both of them are beaming. I turn back around.

"I want to thank all of you for coming, for your many gifts and well wishes. I have gained many great friendships at UW and learned so much over the years there. I will miss walking the halls of Paddleford, hanging out in the Allen and listening to a certain professor drone on." People start clapping and I hear giggling from some of my UW cohorts who know exactly what professor I am talking about. I can't stop the grin that creeps across my face as I look at Bella who is actually blushing, no doubt remembering our most recent visit to the Allen library.

"I would like to take a moment to thank a few people who have been of great influence in my life before we get back to the party." I say laughing as do many people in the audience.

Alice…" I just look at her for awhile and she smiles, "Thanks for helping me see the light when all I wanted to see was the dark." She mouths _I love you_ to me and I smile. "I love you sis."

I turn to Jasper and Emmett. "Em, Jazz… thanks for always being there for me even when I didn't want you to be. And…" I hesitate for a moment and then sigh, "Thanks for not letting me see what was in that envelope even when I begged you to. Even when I told you we wouldn't be friends anymore if you didn't show me. You held true to your need to do what was right for me. I can't imagine what things would have been like had you two not intervened, had you not cared enough about me. I…" They both nod at me but other people look confused. I look down for a moment, trying to control my breathing and then I look up at them again, "I love you guys. Thank you for being the epitome of friendship."

Before I know what's going on, Emmett has me in a huge bear hug. "Dude… I can't breathe."

He laughs as he puts me down. I laugh as I attempt to shove him away playfully and then he shoves me back but before it can turn into us full on wrestling my dad steps in and taps Emmett's shoulder. Emmett steps back but we are both still laughing as I fix my jacket before finally looking at Isabella who has tears in her eyes.

"Isabella… You make everything in my world better. My heart and my soul are yours, always." I take a deep breath before continuing, "I hope to never know a world where you are not in it. I love you." She smiles with tears in her eyes and we hear a collective sigh in the audience. I turn to the DJ and he nods. "The night is still young people and I want to start things off by dedicating this next song to my beautiful Isabella." I motion for the DJ to play the song. As the song starts I begin walking to where she is and immediately start singing the words to her as I reach the table and motion for her hand.

_Oh her eyes, her eyes, make the stars look like they're not shining  
><em>_Her hair, her hair, falls perfectly without her trying  
><em>_She's so beautiful and I tell her every day_

I take her hand and lead her to the dance floor, spinning her as I continue to sing the words to the song. She is blushing and grinning. God! She is absolutely the most beautiful woman I have ever seen.

_Yeah, I know, I know when I compliment her she won't believe me  
><em>_It's so, it's so, sad to think that she don't see what I see  
><em>_But every time she asks me do I look okay, I say_

I spin her around again and then pull her back to my chest; I move her hair behind her ear and start singing the chorus as I lay gentle kisses near her ear.

_When I see your face there's not a thing that I would change  
><em>'_Cause you're amazing girl, just the way you are  
><em>_And when you smile the whole world stops and stares for awhile  
><em>'_Cause girl you're amazing, just the way you are_

I spin her again so that she is facing me and then run my fingers across her lips and kiss her softly. I continue to sing the lyrics much to the delight of everyone in the audience who are essentially cheering and egging me on.

_Her lips, her lips, I could kiss them all day if she'd let me  
><em>_Her laugh, her laugh, she hates but I think it's so sexy  
><em>_She's so beautiful and I tell her every day_

I motion for everyone else to start dancing and more people enter the dance floor including my parents. My dad is an excellent dancer and is spinning and dipping my mom who is giggling like a school girl. Man, if Bella and I could have what they have life would be perfect. I run my fingers along her face as I sing the next verse.

_Oh you know, you know I'd never ask you to change  
><em>_If perfect's what you're searching for then just stay the same  
><em>_So don't even bother asking if you look okay, you know I'll say_

_When I see your face there's not a thing that I would change  
><em>'_Cause you're amazing girl, just the way you are  
><em>_And when you smile the whole world stops and stares for awhile  
><em>'_Cause girl you're amazing, just the way you are_

By the last go through of the chorus I am just holding her tightly, singing softly to her. She is looking up at me with such love in her eyes that my heart literally melts at the sight. I know that no matter what happens after today it is clear to me that I need to marry her and spend the rest of my life making sure that she continues to look at me like she is right now.

* * *

><p><strong>Mike POV<strong>

God! I hate being here. But if I didn't show up it would have looked bad. He is dancing with her, singing to her. Fuck! My phone buzzes and I look at it, sighing.

*****Do something*****

God, I think I hate this asshole almost as much as Edward. How the hell did I get in this deep? I type a quick reply.

*****WTH do you want me to do? My boss is right here. There are witnesses*****

*****Need I remind you that if I go down so do you*****

*****No, I don't need reminding but there isn't anything I can do*****

I run my hand through my hair, contemplating my next move. They have avoided me all night and any time I try to get close his two fucking henchman friends glare at me and get in defensive postures. My phone buzzes and I look down again.

*****Doesn't matter anyway. I got what I needed earlier*****

*****Wait. Are you here?*****

I start looking around. Not that I would recognize him. I only met him once. In the very beginning when I thought this would just be a fun way to fuck with Edward. But now, shit! I don't know what the hell I got myself into because this fucker is crazy. When my phone buzzes again I am almost afraid to look at it.

*****Yes*****

* * *

><p><strong>AN…. Hmm, am I becoming a cliffy junkie? Nah… Anyway, had to give props to Rob's Fallon outfit because um, YEAH! And for those who haven't seen it, you have to watch Rob's interview on Kimmel, it was hysterical. The dance floor dialogue was inspired by that interview….LOL (I have posted it on the blog if you haven't seen it yet).**

**I suppose you want to know why Mike was there in the first place. Well, that's simple. Everyone from Carlisle's office was. Like Edward said, it was an opportunity for people to schmooze with Daddy C cause Daddy C is "da man" so all his current employees were there. … And hmm, is Carlisle's dad a snob or what? I can see why Carlisle rebelled against that asshole and BTW I am extremely happy that Edward didn't end up C4… LOL… Man I am going to miss the Allen, lots of fond memories there, hehehehe.**

**And a special shout out to my girl Amanda, her story Layer Cake won first place in the public voting for the Twilight Post Secret Challenge. Holy Hell! Cupcakeward is absolutely fantastic. If you didn't get a chance to read it... SHAME ON YOU! Seriously though, you need to check it out because it is a fun and witty and sexy story. Edward runs a coffee shop and bakes and Bella is a photographer sent to do a story on him. Let the sparks fly. I am so lusting over Bean... that's all I am going to say other than READ IT! It is a one shot so you can read it in one sitting. I promise you will NOT be disappointed. Here is the link... www dot fanfiction dot net/s/7636310/1/Layer_Cake or you can access it through her profile page amandac3**

**As always, let me know what ya think. **


	45. Ch 44: Yours, Always

**Rating: M- For lemons (lots of them), language and situations. So this means if you're under 16 please be responsible for yourself.**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer is the sole owner of the world of Twilight. I am just having a little harmless fun with her characters.**

**Once again thank you to my amazing Beta's A & C for your guidance, encouragement & support. I have posted some pictures on the blog for this chapter and the new song has been updated to the playlist. The song for this chapter is a one of my favs by Lenny Kravitz and I think it really, really fits Bella and how she sees her relationship with Edward.**

**Okay now last chapter left you all with many questions. To quote Hannibal Lector "All good things to those who wait." LOL, okay maybe that was kind of a creepy reference but you get the idea.**

* * *

><p>You are the flame in my heart, you light my way in the dark<br>You are the ultimate star, you lift me from up above  
>Your unconditional love takes me to paradise<p>

I belong to you and you, you belong to me too  
>You make my life complete; you make me feel so sweet<p>

You make me feel so divine  
>Your soul and mine are entwined, before you I was blind<br>But since I've opened my eyes and with you there's no disguise  
>So I could open up my mind<p>

I always loved you from the start but I could not figure out that I had to do it everyday  
>So I put away the fight now I'm gonna live my life giving you the most in every way<p>

I belong to you and you, you belong to me too  
>You make my life complete, you make me feel so sweet<p>

I Belong To You by Lenny Kravitz

**Chapter 44: Yours, Always**

**BPOV**

It's been almost two weeks since his graduation. Man that was such a blast. I never did anything for my graduation. Hell, Renee didn't even come to mine so seeing all the hoopla surrounding Edward's was simply fascinating. I was really nervous about the book but he loved it. When he found out I hadn't read it in a long time he decided that he would read it to me. I mean I read it a million years ago when I took American Lit but it wasn't nearly as interesting as it was having Edward read it to me. He finished it in a week; as I lay on his lap, and listened to his melodious voice bring Robert Jordan to life. Of course, if he hadn't given me a commentary on the symbolism of every nuance in the story he probably would have finished sooner, but even that was utterly charming. We are midway through The Sun Also Rises which is quite angsty if I do say so myself. I mean poor Jake, loving someone he can never have and then add to the pot that the poor man is impotent, well, hell… that just sucks. Now I have to admit I do like Lady Brett. When I told Edward she was cool he had laughed so hard and then said she represented the liberated woman of the 20's, exploring her sexuality, not tying herself to one man and leaving a wake of broken hearts behind her, including a young bull fighter who couldn't resist her allure. Well, he said a whole bunch of other stuff too but that was the gist of it. He had winked after he had said all of that and asked if she reminded me of anyone. I had laughed uncontrollably and then feigned innocence, indicating I had no idea what he was talking about.

"Baby, you okay?" he says outside the bathroom door.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just cramps, we're good." I say from the door as I rub lotion on my hip.

We haven't had sex in a week. Well, partly because I did get my period. The bad part about being on the shot is when I do get my period it sucks big time but the other part is because of one of his birthday gifts. I don't want him to see it yet. I have been keeping him satisfied with blowjobs but I am aching to be with him. Tonight! Then I grin knowing he thinks birthday sex is totally out of the question.

We are all going out for his birthday. I had found out that one of his favorite singers was going to be at the Triple Door and Emmett and Jasper sprung for the tickets. Apparently we will be front and center because Jasper did some designs for one of the owners of the club. All this time I never asked what Jasper did for a living and it turns out that he's a graphic designer. He is an independent contractor but is always busy. He has done a lot of work around Seattle for restaurants, clubs, and magazines and is currently working on a project for the revitalization of downtown Seattle group. He's the one who actually designed Edward's second gift.

I hear him knock on the door again. He is supposed to be getting ready to go hang with the boys while the girls and I "accessorize" as Alice put it. The dress that I am wearing tonight was a little too loose for my liking so Alice had it fitted. It was ready a couple of days ago but I had to work two 12 hour shifts back to back so I couldn't pick it up until today. Plus, I need to get his first gift from the jeweler. When I open the door he is standing there with a concerned look on his face.

"What's the matter?" I ask confused by the look he is giving me.

"Are you really okay?" he mutters quickly.

"Of course, why?"

"Isn't it weird for you to have your period for this long?"

I sigh. He is just too smart for his own good. "Baby, I'm a doctor. Don't you think I would have someone check me if I thought there was a problem?"

He stares at me. "Okay, I know I haven't done that in the past. But seriously baby. I am okay." I lean into him and kiss him softly. "Now, stop worrying, it's your birthday and we are going to have a great time tonight."

He smiles enthusiastically, "I can't believe you guys got tickets to see Marcus Foster."

He has been talking about it all week. Giving me details about this guy's life. Geez, you would think they were best friends or something with the amount of info he knows about him. I run my fingers down his chest and then fist his shirt, pulling him to me. I run my tongue along his bottom then top lip before kissing him chastely on the corner of his mouth which is now turned into the sexiest smirk imaginable. He really has no idea how irresistible he is when he does that.

"I can't wait to see him as well. I feel like I already know him." I say smiling. "I am going to head out. I will see you later birthday boy." I say slapping his ass as I walk towards the door.

He is laughing as he catches up to me at the door. "So, is that the deal tonight baby? You going to spank me?" he grins mischievously.

I take a sharp breath in and shake my head, "Don't say shit like that to me Edward. I have all kinds of visuals swirling around in my head."

"Hmmm" he hums against my neck, squeezing my ass and pulling me closer to him.

"You are being so, so naughty. Maybe you do need to be spanked." I say smacking his ass again before exiting the door. I can hear him giggling as I turn to grin at him. God, why did he say that? Now, I have all kinds of Domme fantasies filling my brain. I shake my head as I try to shift my focus to the tasks at hand.

* * *

><p>I arrive at Alice's boutique just as Rosalie is pulling up. She walks over to me and puts her arm around my shoulder as we walk inside. Alice greets us immediately, all bubbly and happy as can be, a walking rainbow sprinkling sunshine wherever she goes. She grabs my hand and drags me to the back of the store and pulls the dress out of its bag. We are in a large dressing room that has mirrors on three sides, like those bridal boutiques.<p>

"Oh Bella, this is going to be the best birthday for him." She says bouncing up and down.

"I hope so."

Rosalie is perched against the wall, grinning at me and shaking her head at Alice's enthusiasm. Rose and I have both decided that we love her happy go lucky ass. I start taking off my clothes and Alice gasps.

"What?" I ask concerned.

She brings her hands to her mouth and I turn to look at Rose who has a strange expression on her face as well. She starts walking over to me as I turn back to Alice.

"Okay, Alice you're freaking me the fuck out. What's wrong?"

"Can I see it?"

Then it dawns on me that she can see part of my tattoo. "Yeah, sure."

She gets on her knees, and then moves the top of my panties aside a little so she can see the whole thing. Her hand is to her mouth and she has tears in her eyes.

"Oh shit, Alice. Please don't tell me they fucked up the French?"

She just shakes her head. "It's so beautiful Bella. To see Jasper's work like this is amazing. My brother will love it."

Rosalie walks over and smiles. "They did a great job." She kneels down as well, "Now tell me again why you wanted it in French?"

"Because I loved when he spoke French to me and well, I don't know, I wanted it all about him." Rosalie nods and stands back up.

"How have you avoided him seeing it?" Alice asks shyly and then blushes as she walks over to a shelf to grab a couple of pairs of shoes.

"What do you mean Alice?" I say grinning, loving that she is embarrassed. This girl needs to loosen up if she is going to hang with me and Rosie.

"I mean, don't you two have sex, like a lot?" She says giggling.

I smirk at her, "Well, yes, we do have sex A LOT, but I just told him I was on my period and give him head every night instead. Well, I did let him come on my tits once as well."

Rosalie laughs, "Yeah, Emmett likes that too." She shrugs, "Don't know why guys always want to do that."

I stare at her, "Uh, Duh Rosie. You have fantastic tits. If I was a guy I would want to come on them as well." Rosalie just smirks and shrugs her shoulders again, laughing as she grabs her tits.

"Yes, they are pretty fab, aren't they?" She says grinning, "But, you got the legs."

Alice starts giggling and we both look at her and smile. That seems to be her typical response when Rosie and I start talking about sex. I bet me and Rosie could turn her into a wild cat in no time. I grin and then look towards the dress hanging near me.

"I don't think he believes we are gonna have sex tonight. So he will be pleasantly surprised." I say laughing.

I like this dress, it's sexy but sophisticated. It is a white satin number with a black and maroon pattern on it. It is strapless and shows a significant amount of my back which I know he likes and of course it is short because as Rosie said, I got the legs for it. I slip it on and Alice brings a pair of white peep toe heels to me which I slip on as well and then do my little cat walk thing for the two of them.

"It's perfect." Alice says delighted.

We hang out with Alice for a good two hours, talking and laughing, and picking out jewelry to wear. I selected a modest silver necklace and that's it, aside from our bracelet which is pretty much second skin to me, I will be keeping it simple. When we finally say good bye and I walk to my car I notice a single black rose on my windshield wiper. What the hell? When I pick it up there is a small scrabble tile attached to it. I look around quickly but see no one around. Who the hell would put a black rose on my car? I stare at it and pull the scrabble tile off, moving it in my hand, the letter "W". What does that mean?

* * *

><p>By the time Edward arrives home I have pushed all thoughts about the flower out of my mind despite the weird vibe I got from it. Tonight is his night and I am not going to tarnish it at all. I was just finishing up the final touches on my hair which oddly enough is cooperating today. I walk in the bedroom and pull out his gift. Moving the box in my hand and then tapping it against my chin. I think I am going to give him this before we go. I walk into the living room and gasp. He is so breathtakingly beautiful that I am literally unable to move from the spot I am in and I am pretty sure that my mouth is hanging open as well.<p>

He is wearing a black suit that looks like it has been custom fit to him. He has paired it with a crisp white dress shirt and grey tweed tie. He glances up at me and gives me one of his panty dropping smiles and I literally forget my name. He walks over to me leisurely, smiling and I can feel wetness already forming in my panties. God! What this man does to me. He leans down and kisses me lightly on the lips.

"You are so beautiful, Isabella." He croons against my lips.

I run my hand along his tie and unbutton his jacket so that I can slip my arms around his waist. I feel his fingers gently stroking my back, sending shivers of delight throughout my entire body and setting my core on fire. God I need him! I take a few steadying breathes, trying desperately to tame my desire for him so that I can get through the night. I reluctantly pull away from him, running my fingers up and down his tie. I look at him smiling as I bring his gift out. He gets a playful grin on his face.

"Happy Birthday baby." I say, handing him the gift.

He walks to the couch giggling as he starts ripping the wrapping paper off. I bring my bottom lip into my mouth praying he will like it as I sit next to him on the couch. When he opens the box the most magnificent smile comes across his face. I bought him a sterling silver chain bracelet with a small ID plate in the center. The sides of the plate are encrusted with small black diamonds and on the front of the plate my name is engraved in elegant script. On the back of the plate it says "I belong to you, always" in the same elegant script.

"Do you like it?" I ask, hopeful, as he takes it out of the box, running his fingers along my name, "There's something on the back as well"

He turns it over and smiles widely, taking a deep breath.

"I love it. It's beautiful." I take it from his hand and latch it onto his wrist. It is very striking and goes perfectly with the suit he has on.

"I thought that since the bracelet you gave me helps me so much… I wanted you to have something you could wear every day to remind you of me when we aren't together."

He pulls me close to him, capturing my mouth in his, sweeping his tongue over my lips before entering my mouth. He tastes deliciously sinful and for the life of me I can't remember what we were supposed to do tonight. Because right now all I want to do is fuck him so hard that he forgets his name, or maybe until I forget mine. When he finally pulls away from me we are both breathing heavily, our mouths close to each other but not actually touching, we are just breathing each other in. When we hear the knock on the door we both jump slightly, startled out of our mutual haze. He kisses me lightly on the lips and stands up, grinning, as he takes my hand in his.

* * *

><p>By the time the limo parks outside of the Triple Door we are all laughing and giggling and then ask if the driver can take a picture of all of us underneath the marquee that says Marcus Foster. He rolls his eyes but takes several pictures for us anyway. I know it is a very touristy thing to do but fuck it.<p>

Edward puts his arm around my bare shoulders, gently stroking my arm as we walk inside. Jasper seriously hooked us up. We are literally front and center. There is a table that connects right to the stage and goes across the whole length of it. It is decorated with candles and wine glasses, it is very romantic. The boys put Edward and me in the middle and then Jasper and Alice sit to our left and Emmett and Rosalie sit to our right.

We order our food and drinks and when the waitress leaves I notice that Emmett keeps staring at me. I sigh, "Emmett its fine, I'm fine. I have my sponsor on speed dial." I say raising my phone.

"Alright." He says looking down slightly, "I just…"

I reach around Edward and touch Emmett's arm. "Thank you. But really I'm okay. I promise I will say something if I'm not."

He takes a deep breath and nods. He and I had a heated discussion earlier about alcohol. I had said I didn't care if everyone drank tonight but Emmett expressed a lot of concern about how people drinking around me could trigger my craving. In the end we settled on it being okay if they all wanted to drink as long as no one ordered any whiskey. I wasn't sure if I could handle that. So everyone ordered alcohol except for Edward and me. He has refused to drink as long as I am not so we both ordered a Reed's Ginger Raspberry.

Oh my God the food was exceptional. We all ordered different things and then tasted each other's food, laughing and making jokes about who had the best dish and why. As the night went on more and more people started filling up the main stage area. We see movement on the stage as Marcus' people get things together for his set, tuning instruments, etc. Edward's enthusiasm has had me excited to see him play all week so I am eager to see what he does.

I think I have been doing exceptionally well on the alcohol front. I'm not craving at all. Although I put up a strong front I was a little worried about coming here knowing that I would be surrounded by alcohol. This would be the first situation where my sobriety is going to be challenged.

"I can't wait, baby." I say nudging Edward who is watching intently everything going on onstage.

He turns and grins and then looks back to the stage. When the waitress stops behind us to pick up our glasses I smell it. My eyes close tightly and my mouth opens slightly, as my heart rate escalates. I feel tears in my eyes before I register that I am crying and my whole body posture slouches in defeat as I remember the burn, the tingling feeling when it hits my system and the feeling of euphoria I used to get after those first few shots. My mouth waters instinctually and my breathing starts to pick up. It's as if Jack Daniels himself is calling me, telling me _it's ok, one drink, just one_. I shake my head as I try to remember all of the shitty things that alcohol did to me as well, telling myself that Jack is NOT my friend. But right now all I can remember is how good I felt when I was drinking. Oh God! I need to get out of here. I feel myself start to sweat as panic envelopes me. I hear a chair scrape and both Edward and Emmett are up immediately. Emmett is moving the girl away from us while Edward pulls me into his arms tightly.

"Let's get some air." He whispers into my hair and I just nod.

He walks me outside and leans against the wall, holding me, gently running his fingers along my back and shoulders. After about ten minutes my heart and breathing feel normal again and now I just feel stupid. For a brief moment in there I wanted to turn around and snatch that shot of whiskey and down it quickly but I knew if I did that I would have to start all over again. It would be like the past 7 1/2 months of sobriety would be for naught. I won't do that. I take several deep breaths, listening to the steady rhythm of his heart. I am not going to ruin his evening. He has been so excited all week for this performance. Fuck it! I can woman up and do this shit. Fuck you Jack!

"I'm sorry." I mutter against his chest. "I… I haven't smelled whiskey in close to 8 months. It overwhelmed me for a minute."

"There's nothing to be sorry about. We knew this could happen."

"I'm okay, let's go back inside. I don't want us to miss anything."

He doesn't move.

"Baby, I'm serious. I'm okay. I want to go back inside." I say looking into his anxious face. "I love you Edward. I'm okay, really."

"I love you too. Are you sure?" he asks nervously.

"Yes." I say stepping back and taking his hand.

We head back inside and when we get back to the table I see that no one has any more alcohol. I sigh as I sit down.

"That's not necessary." I state waving towards their drinks.

Alice places her hand on my arm. "Yes, it is. We won't make it hard for you Bella." She says sincerely.

I smile at her and hug her tightly, thanking her. I snuggle into Edwards arms as the lights dim indicating that the show is about to start. I have heard a few of his songs but Edward knows all of them and is softly singing along to each one. He pulls me closer, kissing me lightly on the neck as he starts singing the next song to me.

_I was tied but now unbound; my head is off the ground  
><em>_For a long time I was so weary, tired of the sound, I've heard before  
><em>_The gnawing of the night time at the door  
><em>_Haunted by the things I've made  
><em>_Stuck between the burning light and the dusty shade_

I swallow and close my eyes as he continues to sing to me. I hear Marcus on stage playing his guitar, I can hear the other musicians and then all I can hear is Edward. He is touching me softly as his sensuous voice haunts me with the lyrics he is singing.

_I said I used to think the past was dead and gone  
><em>_But I was wrong, so wrong  
><em>_Whatever makes you blind must make you strong, make you strong  
><em>_In my time I've melted into many forms,  
><em>_From the day that I was born, I know there's no place to hide  
><em>_Stuck between the burning shade and the fading light_

_I was broken, for a long time, but it's over now  
><em>_It's over now…_

I turn to look at him. He runs his fingers along my cheek and then wipes my tears away as he continues to sing to me. There is no one else here; it is just he and I. He moves my hair behind my ear and finally rests his hand on my cheek. I lean into his palm, kissing it softly. I am breathing slowly as I watch him, his face expressing the depth of his feelings for me, and what we have gone through. The lyrics so passionately sung by the man I love.

_Yes and you, and you  
><em>_You walk these lonely streets that people send, people send  
><em>_There are some wounds that just can't mend, I do pretend  
><em>_Pretend I am free from all the things that take my friends  
><em>_But I will stand here until the end; I know that I can take the moon  
><em>_In between the burning shade and the fading light_

_I was broken, for a long time, but it's over now  
><em>_Said I was broken, for a long time, but it's over now  
><em>_Said I was broken, for a long time, but it's over now_

As Marcus' musicians continue to play I bring my hands to his face. He closes his eyes as I kiss him lightly on the lips. His mouth opens to me and I don't hesitate as I deepen our kiss, wanting desperately to make him realize that I will never leave his side. I don't think I will ever get used to hearing how hurt he was, how my behavior affected him. I can't ever do anything that will cause him to feel that kind of pain again. He is everything to me. He is my life, my heart, my soul.

* * *

><p><strong>EPOV<strong>

I move my mouth down her neck as she moans softly against me. I need to sing to her more often because she really likes it. Now, that particular song I really love but it is more meaningful now after all the things that Bella and I went through. I bring my mouth back to hers and slip my tongue inside easily, twisting and turning around hers. I hear Emmett clear his throat near me and know we have probably crossed the line, again. I sigh as I slowly pull away from her, resting my forehead against hers. God I want her so bad but she is still on her period which means we aren't going to be able to do anything tonight. Well, I am sure we will do something. I grin at the thought.

"I love you, Isabella." I say kissing her now swollen lips.

She smiles as she lays her head in the crook of my neck. I hold her close to me as we continue listening to Marcus finish his set. We all hang out there for a little bit after it's over, waiting on Jasper who has taken off all of a sudden. When I spot him walking back he is walking with Marcus Foster. I swear, I just about go all fanboy on him as I can't stop saying how much I love his music; how his songs are like poetry, and that he is an amazing musician. He was really cool and I could totally see me and Bella hanging out with him.

Man, I was seriously riding on cloud nine by the time we left and got into the limo. The limo dropped off me and Bella first because Emmett said something about needing to use the limo. I don't know, he probably wants to have sex in it. It doesn't matter to me I just want to get my girl home. She is quiet and I can't help but wonder if being around all that alcohol is bothering her more than she let on. As we walk in to our place I pull her into my arms and kiss her again. When we come up for air I just smile widely at her.

"I had so much fun tonight."

"The nights not over baby." She says winking as she motions for us to go to the couch.

We walk to the couch and sit down. She immediately moves onto my lap and kisses me. I smile at her as I maneuver the front part of her dress down, exposing her bare breasts. I run my thumbs over her nipples, playing with her rings, and grinning as she closes her eyes, soft moans escaping her parted lips. I shift slightly as I try to readjust my now extremely hard cock. I move her a little bit so that I can bring her nipple into my mouth. She immediately starts fisting my hair, tugging on it, causing me to moan as I pull on her ring.

She opens her eyes and they are dark with lust. She sits up, her breath heavy with want as she moves my jacket off of my shoulders. She gets off of me and I slip my jacket off, tossing it on the chair. She brings her hands to the top of my tie, loosening it before slipping it off. She slowly moves her fingers to my shirt and starts unbuttoning each one at a snail's pace. My heart rate is picking up in anticipation and my cock is already twitching, waiting for her. When she gets closer to the bottom of my shirt she pulls it out of my pants, unbuttoning the last few buttons. She gently slides my shirt off, placing it on my jacket. She then runs her fingertips on the neckline of my undershirt and then moves her fingers to the hem, pulling it up and over my head.

She smiles as she runs her fingers along my nipples and pulls on the barbells there. I move my head to the back of the couch and close my eyes, moaning through uneven breaths. Yes, she talked me into getting my nipples pierced. I'm not sure exactly how it happened. One minute I was hard as a rock watching her get pierced and the next thing I knew I was the one getting pierced. I don't mind though because when she pulls on them it feels so damn good. She continues to tweak and pull them and then I feel her tongue circle first my right and then my left nipple. God she is going to make me come without even touching my cock.

She hikes her dress up and straddles my lap, grinding against the bulge in my pants as she twists and pulls on my left and then my right barbell. I grab her hips and grind her harder onto me, needing the friction desperately. She starts swiveling her hips against me and I feel myself pulsing, I need to slow her down but she moves faster against me and brings her mouth to mine, shoving her tongue inside forcefully as she twists both my barbells at the same time. I can't stop myself and come gloriously all over my brand new suit pants. A few seconds later she slams into me again and sucks my bottom lip in to her mouth as her body quivers from her own release. After her orgasm subsides she slows her movements and pulls her lips away from my mouth, smiling lazily. I grin as I move my hand up her back and into her hair, bringing her lips back to mine. I continue to kiss her tenderly.

"So… are you ready for your second gift?" she whispers huskily.

I look at her confused, "You got me something else? Baby, between the bracelet, and the show and…" I blush as I motion to her being on my lap, "and this. I think we are good."

She laughs, "Baby, that wasn't your birthday sex. I just couldn't resist you any longer."

Hmm, so that wasn't my birthday sex. I can't help but grin as my imagination starts to wander, curious what she has in mind. She stands up and unzips the back of her dress. But before she pushes it all the way down she stops and looks at me intently. A flicker of concern crosses her face as her dress drops to the ground. At first all I notice is her complete perfection in front of me but then I realize that she has something that is partly covered by her panties. Is that a tattoo? She shimmies her panties off and I see that she did indeed get a tattoo, placed perfectly on her left hip. Is that my second gift? I look up to her and she smiles, stepping a little closer to me. I take a deep breath when I realize what she did.

The tattoo is very detailed and it takes me a moment to register everything that is on there. The first thing I notice is the most dominant piece. It is a chocolate covered strawberry with a banner flowing across it, with Edward written in beautiful script. I smile knowing that the strawberry is definitely me; she is always telling me how chocolate covered strawberries remind her of me. It is set against this wall that looks to be falling down. The wall has words written all over it in graffiti but I can't quite make out all of the words because some of the words are missing letters because the bricks have been shattered. After staring at it awhile I piece together all of the words… bitch, whore, stupid, worthless, unloved, and weak. It looks like there is light coming from behind the strawberry and then I realize that the way the wall is breaking it is like the strawberry is pushing through the wall, like one of those big wrecking balls they use to break down buildings. I have tears in my eyes when I connect that she is saying I broke down this wall and that this wall represents how she saw herself before we met. I start breathing hard as I piece together the rest of it. Above the wall in elegant script, in French no less it says "Mon cœur et l'âme sera toujours vôtre" which means my heart and soul will always be yours. I swallow when I look up at her. She has her bottom lip in her mouth and is breathing in slowly. I have tears in my eyes as I place soft and gentle kisses on it.

She runs her fingers along my jaw, "Do you like it?"

I nod. "It's… It's perfect."

She smiles and giggles as she straddles my lap again. I run my fingers all over her naked body, avoiding her pussy. God I really want to make love to her. When I open my eyes and look at her she is grinning mischievously at me.

"You know I am not really on my period. I mean I was earlier in the week but mostly I didn't want you to see the tattoo until today."

"Are you serious?" I say laughing. I quickly lay her on the couch, "I have been going insane. I want you so bad right now."

She laughs as she brings her hands to my face, "You know since it _is_ your birthday we can do whatever you want." She says seductively.

Did she just say I could do anything I want? My mind starts running through all sorts of scenarios but what I really want to do I'm not sure she will want to do.

"Anything?" I ask questioningly.

She smirks and then sits up. She gets off the couch and reaches her hand to me. I take it as we walk into the bedroom. She motions for me to sit down on the bed and walks over to the dresser opening up the drawer she keeps all her sex toys in. Oh damn! Are we going to play tonight? I did say something about her spanking me. When she walks over to me she has a few things in her hand that she sets on the bed next to me.

"Baby, remember the day we came back to the apartment and I took down those pictures."

"Yeah." And I feel myself twitching when I realize what she is about to say.

"Is that what you want to do?" she whispers as she gently runs her fingers along my face and then around my ears. I just nod because I can't seem to articulate any words at the moment. I swallow and take a deep breath.

"Is that okay with you?"

She smiles, "Whatever you want to do is okay with me."

I grab her and start kissing her fiercely; I don't pull away until I am unable to breathe, "I don't know what to do?" I say trying to catch my breath.

"I'll show you." She says grabbing my hair, forcing my mouth to hers so that she can move her tongue inside again.

I run my hands over her ass, pulling her closer to me. After kissing for several minutes she steps away from me breathing heavily.

"You have to use a condom." I nod at her. She moves to the center of the bed, laying on her back and motioning for me. I move over her and she laughs. "Baby, you need to remove your pants."

I put my head down and laugh as I move off the bed. God! Not that excited that I forgot to take my pants off. I grin as I quickly drop my pants and boxers and then crawl back on the bed, hovering over her. I start kissing her again and then feel her hand shift on the bed. She breaks our kiss, looking at me intently as she hands me the lube.

"Put this on your fingers, you need to prep me or it will hurt."

The minute she says hurt I stop moving and swallow hard, moving back slightly. "I'm going to hurt you if we do it like this?"

She sits up somewhat, leaning on her elbows, watching me with concern, "I haven't done it this way in a long time so it will hurt a little at first, just until I adjust to you."

"You don't like it? Is that why you haven't done it in a while?"

"It's not that." She frowns and then takes a breath, "It's a control thing baby. I like to be in charge meaning when I have done it this way, I have always tied someone up."

"Do you want to tie me up? Will that make it better for you?"

She frowns again and closes her eyes for a few moments before opening them, "Edward as much as I want to tie you up I don't want your first time to be like that. The first time I did it like this it hurt like hell. I didn't know what I was doing and neither did he. He didn't use a condom or any lube and he just rammed into me. I hurt for several days afterwards. It took a while for me to even try it again. But I don't mind it now because I know what to do." She smiles at me, "Besides you'll like it. It will feel really good for you."

"But not for you?"

"I will tell you what to do and this time around I will take care of myself." She says running her fingers along my face, and then back in my hair pulling me down to kiss her. "Trust me baby."

I nod and start kissing her again. She reaches for the lube in my hand and opens it without breaking our kiss. She grabs three of my fingers and squirts a generous amount of lube on them. She then pulls away from me, "Start with one finger and work your way to three okay."

I nod again as she shifts her position, raising her hips slightly and spreading her legs, allowing me access. God! I can't believe I am about to do this. I slowly slip in one finger and watch her face. She smiles and nods at me so I move another finger inside her. She takes a quick breath in and nods again so I slip the third finger inside her. She arches slightly but I don't do anything.

"Move them around baby, I'm okay."

I start moving my fingers, groaning at the sensation. I am already hard again and breathing heavily, hell I think it is fair to say I am panting. The more I move my fingers the more relaxed she seems to become. I hear her rip the condom open and then feel her hand stroking my cock, squeezing me and running her thumb across my tip. She then puts the condom on me, lavishing it with lube.

"I'm ready baby. Just enter slowly, let me adjust to you."

I remove my fingers and guide my cock to her ass. I am glad we are doing it in this position because now I can see her face. God, I really am a novice about sex, I didn't even know you could do this facing each other. I place my cock at the entrance of her ass and slowly start pushing it in. I get just past my head when she whispers to hold on. I don't move and then a few seconds later she nods at me. My breathing is all over the place as I push all the way inside her. Her muscles begin contracting around me immediately and I almost come right then and there.

"Are you okay, sweetheart?" I barely muster out between my panting.

She nods, "Move in and out of me slowly okay?"

I nod and pull almost all the way out and then push into her again. "Oh God! Your so… tight… I…I'm going to come to quick."

"No you won't baby." Her voice is rough and hoarse.

She feels so damn good, I can't even think clearly as I move back out and then back in slowly. I do this several more times and then all of a sudden I feel a vibration and I let out a loud groan as the sensation sends goose bumps over my entire body. I quickly look down where we are connected and realize that she is moving a vibrator in and out of her pussy. My mouth drops open and if possible I become even harder as I watch her pleasure herself. The vibration from what she is doing sends me into overdrive and I have to stop moving again and take several quick breaths to get myself under control. She stops her movements as well, smiling at me.

"Do you like that baby?" she whispers out excitedly, I nod my head crazily. Hell I don't even know if it was an actual nod or just my head acting like a damn bobble head or something.

"How close are you?" she says as I watch her start moving the vibrator again.

"I am trying to hold off as long as possible but I… I …" I can't even speak anymore.

"It's okay baby. You feel good. Now start moving faster. I am going to make myself come."

I bobble head nod again and start moving in and out of her in quick successive movements. She is copying me with the vibrator and every time I enter her she taps it against her walls and I can feel it. I have never experienced anything like this before and am overwhelmed with desire and carnal need. I realize that I have no control over the noises that are escaping my mouth which are getting progressively louder and louder every time I enter her, fueling the fire between us.

"Edward, fuck baby… go faster, I love the feel of your cock inside me. I am going to come so hard baby and you're going to fucking explode. It's going to feel so fucking good."

I groan as her words send ripples of desire through me. She starts twisting that vibrator inside her, tapping her g-spot and within seconds she comes screaming my name and the sensation of her orgasm along with her words causes me to cry out in ecstasy as my eyes start to roll back. Her muscles start tightening around my cock, squeezing and releasing and squeezing me again, throwing me over the edge.

"Oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god…Bella" I scream as I come forcefully within her.

I still my movement as her muscles continue to contract and tighten around me, prolonging my orgasm and making my body tremble, until finally I flop on top of her, completely exhausted. I can barely move but manage to pull out of her, lying on my back, trying to steady my racing heart and erratic breathing. She pulls the condom off of me and gets up heading to the bathroom.

When she comes back in she wipes me off, getting rid of the remnants of my previous orgasm, with a warm washcloth. Oh God! That feels so good and I'm having a hard time keeping my eyes open. When she is done she leans over to me and kisses me softly on the lips whispering _Happy Birthday_ to me before snuggling up against my chest. She wraps her legs and arms around my body and I pull her as close to me as she can possibly get and fall into the deepest sleep imaginable. This was clearly the best birthday I have ever had.

* * *

><p><strong>AN…. Ahhhh, isn't birthday sex just the best? So what did you think of her tattoo? How did you like the birthday she planned out for him? Since Rob and Kristen did go see Marcus in London I thought it would be cool to have my two see him as well. Ya know life imitating art or whatever the heck the saying is…LOL.**

**Couple of shout outs:**

**1. Special shout out to ginkgo00, she tried to stump me with a lyric to the song E sung to B but she has now accepted that I am the master…hehehehehe.**

**2. Just want to say Congrats to my girl Amanda. Her story Watch won a judges award (Sweetdulci's the story I'd most love to watch pick) in the Beyond the Pale Contest. So if you didn't get a chance to read this ultra smoking hawt Jasper one shot (okay, part of what makes it super duper hot is B & E) you MUST read it... here is the link fanfiction net/s/7486655/1/Watch**

**3. Holy Guacamole! If you haven't see the latest Bel Ami trailer it is soooooo HOT... so much so that I cannot be held responsible for any lemons that were written after it came out *wink, wink* ... I posted the new trailer on my blog so check it out.**

**As always, let me know your thoughts.**


	46. Ch 45: My Saving Grace

**Rating: M- For lemons (lots of them), language and situations. So this means if you're under 16 please be responsible for yourself.**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer is the sole owner of the world of Twilight. I am just having a little harmless fun with her characters.**

**Once again thank you to my amazing Beta's A & C for your guidance, encouragement & support. I am so happy you ladies came into my life! Okay folks, I have posted some pictures on the blog for this chapter and the new song has been updated to the playlist. The song for this chapter is from Beyoncé and I think the lyrics really speak for Bella.**

**So, the birthday was yummy? What can I say I do love me some lemon cake *wink, wink***

* * *

><p>Remember those walls I built? Well, baby they're tumbling down<br>And they didn't even put up a fight; they didn't even make a sound  
>I found a way to let you in but I never really had a doubt<br>Standing in the light of your halo, I got my angel now

It's like I've been awakened, every rule I had you breakin'  
>It's the risk that I'm takin', I ain't never gonna shut you out<br>Everywhere I'm looking now, I'm surrounded by your embrace  
>Baby I can see your halo, you know you're my saving grace<p>

You're everything I need and more, it's written all over your face  
>Baby I can feel your halo, pray it won't fade away<p>

I can feel your halo, halo, halo  
>I can feel your halo, halo, halo<br>I can feel your halo, halo, halo  
>I can feel your halo, halo, halo<p>

Hit me like a ray of sun, burning through my darkest night  
>You're the only one that I want; Think I'm addicted to your light<br>I swore I'd never fall again but this don't even feel like falling  
>Gravity can't forget, to pull me back to the ground again<p>

Halo by Beyoncé

**Chapter 45: My Saving Grace**

**BPOV**

"_You'll never be good enough" he sneers viciously at me._

I wake startled. What the fuck! It takes me a moment to realize where I am and that all is as it should be. I glance at Edward and smile. He is sleeping soundly with not a care in the world. I glance at the clock and its way past 9:00 a.m. Man, we really overslept. I run my fingers through my tangled hair and sigh. I need to shower and get all this crap out of my hair. I kiss him lightly on the forehead and slip out of the bed. When I look back at him, the slightest smirk passes over his lips and I grin as I walk into the bathroom to take a shower.

I wash and then condition my hair twice so that it now slips through my fingers easily. The water is so warm and relaxing. I close my eyes and let it cascade over my back and shoulders, smiling when I hear the shower curtain move. His fingers gently circle my nipples, working their way down my stomach and then back up again, ending on my shoulders.

"Turn around." He says, his voice rough and scratchy.

I do as he says. Letting my head fall back against his chest. He runs his hands over my breasts again, down my stomach and over my kitty which immediately starts purring. He brings his hands back up and steps back slightly, moving my hair to one side as he gently starts massaging my shoulders. My body is literally humming from his touch, I breathe in deeply, relishing the way my body responds to him. He starts kissing along my exposed neck, gently sucking my flesh into his mouth as he softly moans against me. I can feel his arousal touching the small of my back and it ignites my desire for him. I reach behind me, my fingertips barely grazing his cock.

"I love you, Isabella."

I smile as I move my fingers up and down his impressive length, "I love you too."

"Last night…" he sighs, "Last night was phenomenal."

I turn to face him, wrapping my hand firmly around his cock, "Yes, it was."

He gives me that crooked smile of his and I melt as I bring my free hand up to the nape of his neck, pulling him to me. My tongue enters his mouth with ease as I continue to stroke him. The sounds coming out of his mouth turning me into a hot, wet mess, filled with want and desire. I intensify my kiss and move my hand to his shoulder, gently pushing him down. He takes my cue and sits inside the tub, never breaking our kiss. I immediately move down on him and moan at the sensation of him filling me completely.

"God Baby! You feel so damn good." I say between kisses.

He moves his hands down my back and rests them on my hips while I take his face in my hands, kissing him fiercely. I move my hand back into his hair, tugging it, and biting on his bottom lip. He groans and starts moving me quickly up and down as I feel his fingers grip tightly onto the small of my back, hard enough to leave marks.

"Bella." He swallows, closing his eyes and bringing his head back against the wall.

I immediately bring my mouth to his neck, kissing and sucking on his flesh as I move my legs up, shifting our position. He opens his mouth, moaning loudly at the change in position. I grab his hair as I move my mouth to his jaw, nipping along his jawline, steadily increasing my pace, and pushing us closer and closer to the edge. I growl wantonly and pull on his hair tightly, as the sensation of his cock pulsing inside of me, mixing with the hot water hitting my back and the feel of his scruff against my lips is overrunning my senses completely.

"Edward… fuck baby… I'm… I'm…"

I can't finish my sentence because at this point I need to kiss him desperately. I grab his face quickly moving my mouth to his as my body vibrates from my orgasm. He groans in my mouth and bucks into me before he climaxes as well. As our bodies begin floating down from the rush of our ecstasy I rest my head in the crook of his neck, savoring the feel of his body next to mine. He gently runs his fingers up and down my back and then whispers into my hair.

"Let me wash you baby."

I nod against him.

* * *

><p>The rest of the weekend we were blissfully unaware of anyone else in the world. He answered a few texts but basically we spent his birthday weekend in bed, making love. It's Monday morning and I have to be at work today at 8:00 and he has to be at the school by 9:00 for a 10:00 class. He had received a call a couple of days after graduation saying the teacher they hired to teach the English 101 class this summer wasn't able to teach the class after all due to some kind of family emergency. The dean wanted him to interview for the position since he had been a TA before and expressed an interest in teaching. I don't know. The whole thing had Carlisle's name written all over it but it doesn't really matter. He aced the interview and is definitely qualified. If Carlisle pulled some strings to get him the interview so be it. His classes started this week and go until mid July. He had to use the book and format the other teacher had prepared but he doesn't seem to mind. It's only one class but hopefully by the end of the semester they will keep him on, maybe give him another couple of classes. Hell, I bet half the class just stares at him doe eyed, watching his perfect lips move, imagining what they would feel like. I grin. Oh yeah, ladies, dream the fuck on!<p>

He walks out of the bathroom in a pair of jeans and a button down shirt with the first couple of buttons undone, exposing part of his V-neck undershirt. Delectable. He shouldn't go to school looking like that. Those poor little girls! He smirks as he comes up to me, kissing me lightly on the mouth.

"What are you thinking about?"

"Hmm, just how delectable you look right now and how unfair that is to all the little girls in your class. How are they ever supposed to concentrate on what you are teaching?"

He rolls his eyes and chuckles as he walks around the counter, pouring himself a cup of coffee. "Somehow I think they will manage."

I grin and walk up to him setting his coffee down. I run my fingers down his chest resting them on the top button of his jeans. "I love you Professor Cullen." His resounding smile is mesmerizing. I kiss him lightly and as is typically the case with us, we get a little heated.

I reluctantly pull away, "I have to go. I'll see you later."

* * *

><p>"Swan, wait up!" I hear Rosalie holler, as she runs to catch up to the elevator.<p>

I hold the door open for her and grin at her flustered expression. "How was the limo?" I say wagging my eyebrows at her.

"Fantastic! How about you? Didn't hear from you all weekend so figured you two were in some sort of sex induced coma or something." She says laughing.

I laugh heartedly, "Yeah, I think that about sums it up for us."

"Hey, Emmett was asked to blow something up on the fourth for his old fraternity. He wants all of us to come. Jasper and Alice are in. What about you and Edward?"

My heart drops and my stomach clenches, "God Rosie... I don't know… Frat party, UW, Fourth of July… sounds eerily familiar."

"It's not the same Swan and you know it. Besides… it would be a perfect opportunity for you to alter that memory. Fuck Riley and his stupid side kick anyway." She says grinning.

"Well, I didn't actually _fuck_ Riley which was sort of his problem." I say chuckling, "I'll talk to Edward about it and let you know." When we get to my floor she looks around confused.

"Ah, shit! I missed my floor." She says and I laugh as I step out.

The day went very smoothly. I had three fairly easy surgeries, no conflict with anyone at work and had my not so random breathalyzer test. I grin, knowing that if I could handle Friday night I can probably handle most nights. I should hit a meeting though. I pull out my phone and send Edward a quick text.

*****Gonna hit a meeting after work. I will pick up dinner on the way back. Thai? B*****

*****Thai sounds great. Do you want me to come? E*****

*****Only inside me baby, B*****

I grin at my last text as I walk out towards the parking lot to my car. I notice the rose immediately and my heart drops into my stomach. I quickly look around but I don't see anyone. I pick it up and turn it around. Sure enough, another scrabble tile, this time it is the letter "Y". When my phone buzzes it scares the shit out of me and I jump. Fuck!

*****What about ON you? E*****

*****Oh, naughty … I think we could work something out…LOL, B*****

*****I love you, see you when you get home, E*****

*****Love you too, B*****

I pocket the scrabble tile and toss the rose on the ground, looking around again. There's no one in sight. Weird... One of the great things about Seattle is there is an AA meeting pretty much anytime you might need one. So I was able to get in and out of one without having to wait around. It helped talking to everyone about my near slip up and how it was handled. They were all telling me how lucky I was that my partner understood addiction and that my friends supported me. I couldn't agree more with them on that.

I stop at Thai Tom for take-out and dang! This place is always fucking crowded. I love their food but the service kind of sucks because they are always so damn busy. I pick up our order and head to the house. Edward must have been looking out for me because by the time I am opening my rear car door, getting ready to grab the bags off the seat, he takes them from me.

"Let me get them."

"Such a gentleman." I say grinning.

"I do try." He smirks.

"Well, I'm not sure a gentleman would ask to come on his girlfriend." I say slapping his ass.

He grins mischievously at me, "Well, maybe I'm not such a gentleman after all." He leans down to kiss me but pulls on my bottom lip instead, smiling as my eyes flutter.

When I walk into the house our dining room table is scattered with papers. Holy Shit! He immediately sets the food on the counter and quickly moves to the table to try and gather his papers in some type of order.

"Leave them babe, we can eat in the living room."

We get our plates together and go to the couch. "So, what's with all the papers?"

He rolls his eyes and shrugs, "I made the mistake of asking for a 3 page essay on any topic they wanted. I was hoping to get a feel for their writing abilities." He sighs and takes a bite of his food.

"That bad huh?" I say looking at the papers on the table.

"Some aren't but I guess in my exuberance I didn't realize the amount of work that would be involved with 88 students at various writing levels. God, some are really good and others are…" he shakes his head, "Some I have had to read over a few times to really understand what they are trying to say."

I laugh, "So did anyone write about you." I say nudging him.

He turns and looks at me, "How do you know that?"

"Well, I told you, you are too delectable to be teaching a bunch of young college girls. I figured one would be bold enough to make a play."

He shakes his head and then looks at me seriously, "You know I would never... you know."

"Of course… I trust you completely." I say kissing him lightly on his lips which are now spicy and hot, Yum. "Of course, I will throw down on a bitch if need be."

He laughs, "How was your meeting?" he asks between mouthfuls.

"It was great. They all believe you are a Saint… St. Edward, he who gives endless orgasms." I laugh when he almost chokes on his food.

"You didn't actually say that did you?"

I laugh, "No. I just agreed with them that you were indeed a saint for putting up with me."

He grins again and kisses me lightly on the lips before taking another bite of food. "Emmett called me today. He wants us to hang with him on the fourth."

"Yeah, Rosalie mentioned it as well. Apparently he gets to blow something up."

Edward rolls his eye, "Yes, I think those were his exact words as well. Do you want to go?"

"Umm. Yeah. I guess. You know my last experience at the U on the fourth didn't turn out so well for me."

"I know. We don't have to go if you don't want to. I can make a legitimate excuse to Em."

I lean back against the couch and shake my head, "No. It will be okay. If it gets weird we will leave okay."

"Agreed."

We continue to eat, talking about his day, his class, how he got through half of the papers already and the weird order in which he has his piles. He asked about work and then I remember about those damn flowers.

"Babe… something weird happened a few days ago. When I left Alice's store there was a rose on my car."

He looks over at me, curiously, "Really, from who?"

"I don't know. There wasn't a note just a scrabble tile on it and then today when I left the hospital there was another rose on my car."

He sits up and sets his fork down as I dig in my pocket, pulling out the tile and setting it on the table. He looks at it and picks it up, looking over at me. He looks angry.

"This was on your car? Where's the other one?"

I sigh and get up, walking to my purse and digging for the other scrabble tile I had thrown in there Friday. I hand it to him and he looks at the two tiles in his hand, rolling them in his palm. When he finally looks back at me, instead of anger I see fear.

"Edward, I'm sure it's nothing."

"I don't think it is nothing, Isabella."

"Well, I don't think we need to be worried until there is something to actually worry about. I think it is just someone fucking with me, trying to rattle me." Of course they are rattling me but I am not going to say that. He already looks upset.

He takes the tiles and slips them in his pocket, a contemplative look on his face as he plays with the food on his plate. All of a sudden I am not so hungry anymore either. We sit in silence for a long while, nibbling at our food.

* * *

><p>The next few weeks were basically the same. I continued to get roses every few days. I would throw away the rose; okay throw away is an understatement. I have actually started hitting them against walls, smashing them violently on the ground, throwing them as far as I can. This whole thing is getting carried away. Edward is freaking out and so am I. A few days ago we went to the cops to report it. A whole hell of a lot of good that did us.<p>

_The Seattle police station is overworked and underserved. We live so close to the University that they are over run with college pranks and the drama that tends to surround college campuses such as assaults, drunk and disorderly, drug related cases, just general mayhem. I know they aren't going to do anything about this but Edward insisted that we report it anyway. They seat Edward and I in an interrogation room with a cop who doesn't look thrilled to be there. Great!_

"_So you have been getting flowers with no message?" the cop identified as Officer Martin says, jotting down information on a notepad._

"_There __**is**__ a message!" Edward says angrily. _

_He pulls out the little pouch we started keeping them in and drops the tiles on the table. I have ten of them now, W,Y,A,P,L,L,U,O,R and E. The officer looks at the tiles, flipping them over so he can see the letters. He looks at me._

"_They are being delivered to you?"_

"_Yes, always on my car. At the hospital, the house, his sisters store. A few days ago we traded vehicles and there was one waiting for me when I came out of the grocery store. So it is meant for me and at this point I think it is safe to say that I am being followed."_

"_Have you considered hiring a private investigator?"_

_I stare at him dumbfounded. Seriously? His brilliant suggestion is for me to spend my own money to hire someone versus them investigating._

"_That's why we came here." Edward states incensed, "Isn't that what you guys are supposed to do? Investigate things like this?"_

_I roll my eyes at the cop, "Seriously, if I come up dead won't it look bad if you guys didn't even bother to investigate?" God! What an asshole._

_Okay, maybe I shouldn't have said the word 'dead' because Edward tenses up immediately and exhales sharply. I turn to look at him and he is pale white and looks like he has just been punched in the gut. I glance at the cop and he is scowling at me. Great! I pissed off the cop and upset Edward all in a matter of seconds. Fuck!_

"_Is there anyone that may have a grudge against you?" Officer idiot asks._

_I laugh, "Yeah… I have a tendency to piss people off." I look down. Fuck it could be anyone. _

_The cop sets his pen down loudly and looks at me. "Anyone in particular." He says annoyed._

_I sigh. "I don't know. The people off the top of my head are Jacob Black, Mike Newton, Stephan Aro and…" I hesitate, barely above a whisper, "James Smith"_

_Edward squeezes my hand as I look at the ground. _

"_But to be honest I doubt two of those four would go anywhere near me. And one of the other two I have a restraining order against so I don't know. I doubt he would risk going back to prison just to taunt me."_

"_So that leaves Mike." I can hear the rage in Edward's voice._

"_But why would he go through all this. What would he gain by it?" I say looking at him._

"_I don't know." He looks pissed, "But he got away with attacking you so he probably thinks he can do whatever he wants." _

_I can tell he is tenuously holding onto his self-control. His eyebrows are scrunched together and his forehead is wrinkled and I can actually see the tendons in his neck tightening in front of me. When I look down I sigh, seeing that his hands are now clenched as well. I place my hand over his fist and he slowly loosens it. He gets this way anytime Mike is mentioned and I can tell that right now he is thinking about what happened in the elevator because he actually looks like he is ready to kill him. I hear Officer Martin talking which forces me to look at him._

"_This Mike person attacked you?" Officer Martin says a little more interested now._

"_Yes, last October. He tried to rape me."_

"_Was it reported?"_

"_No." I sigh again, looking down at the table, I really fucked this up. "I didn't report it."_

_The Officer looks at me for a moment and then jots some information down on his notepad._

"_Well… we will look into this. Please keep us informed if you get more flowers or if things escalate." He says._

_I wince at the thought of things escalating. Shit! What does that mean? Edward and I stare at each other and then him for a moment before finally just nodding as we both storm out of the police station. What a colossal waste of time._

We are supposed to meet Emmett and the gang in another hour. Edward has been hemming and hawing about going since coming back from the police station a couple of days ago. Not that I would mind just staying at home but we already told Emmett we would be there. I walk out to the living room in a short yellow mini skirt and black scoop t. I have paired the outfit with black ankle boots and my hair is pulled back into a tight ponytail. He is sitting on the couch, reading. When he hears me he sets the book down and glances in my direction.

"Now we are definitely not going anywhere." He says grinning as he walks over to me.

"Hahaha… Hey I have to look good. Need to make sure them little girls at your school know they haven't got a chance."

I wink at him as I run my fingers down the open V in his shirt. He is wearing a pair of black denim button fly jeans and a black and white stripped polo shirt, with no undershirt and the buttons undone, exposing his sexy chest hair. His hair is a glorious mess and I am already thinking about unbuttoning those damn button fly jeans and fisting his hair as he makes me come. God! How am I going to make it through the day?

"Not a chance in hell" he whispers as he kisses me.

He slowly moves his mouth to my neck, kissing me gently, breathing hotly against my flesh. Then he runs his fingers at the base of my pony tail, circling it, grinning, as he tugs on it, forcing my head back.

"I like this. I have easy access to that sexy neck of yours."

I roll my eyes and grin. "We better go before we end up fucking right here and now."

"And, that would be a bad thing." He says, bringing his mouth to my neck again.

"Hmmm" is all I am able to muster out as he moves his hand over my breast. "I'm okay with being late."

He grins against my neck, "Me too."

* * *

><p>"You don't think they are really going to let him blow something up do you?" I say as we approach a neighborhood near the school.<p>

"God. I hope not." He starts laughing, "I think he is just going to light the fireworks or something. They treat him like a damn God!" He waves his hands dramatically, using a deep announcer type voice. "He is Poseidon and the house is his ocean, where he rules over all." He starts laughing, "It's really kind of comical."

I start laughing as I get out of the car. "Yeah, at Halloween he seemed to rule the roost which is kind of funny considering he graduated a few years ago. But, then again … Emmett is pretty damn cool."

He chuckles, shaking his head and takes my hand as we walk down the street to where Emmett told us to meet him. There are a ton of people around but we still find Em and Rose and Jasper and Alice easily. Emmett is bouncing around like a kid before Christmas and Rosie is just trying to contain his enthusiasm. Rosalie of course looks stunning in her painted on jeans and tank top. She sees us and comes up giving me a hug.

"You look fabulous. You know, you should really allot for fucking in your time schedule so that you two aren't always late for everything."

"We will have to keep that in mind next time." I say grinning as I mouth the word _bitch_ to her to which she raises her eyebrows and points back at me. I laugh and then turn to Emmett, "So, you excited big guy?"

"Hell yeah! It's not every day you get asked to blow something up." He says bouncing on his heels.

I frown, "What exactly are you blowing up Emmett."

He points to some abandoned house behind us, "I get to blow it up so that the frat house can turn it into this kids' activities center."

"Is that legal?"

He full out belly laughs, "Of course. It has been in the works for years. I started the campaign when I was here which is why they are letting me do it."

"But it's a holiday. Don't you have to have people standing by or something?

He points to the fire trucks and cops. "We have it all taken care of; it's a big deal Bella. The news is covering it as well."

"Really? You know I thought it was a euphemism you saying you were going to blow up something. I didn't think you were actually _going_ to blow something up."

He laughs and picks up Rosie spinning her around. Alice comes over and gives us both a hug while Jasper smiles at the two of us.

"I told you that this outfit would look great on you." She says knowingly.

"I bow to your fashion prowess." I say grinning.

Jasper looks at Edward. "What did the police say?"

Edward frowns, "Useless. They don't care unless it _escalates_." He shakes his head and I squeeze his hand.

"Edward it will be fine." He furrows his brows at me and is about to say something when Emmett comes bouncing over saying it's about to start.

Boy Emmett was right; this is definitely a big deal. We all watch as Emmett talks to the crowd & newscasters, telling everyone about the rec center that will be built in the place of this abandoned building with the help of the Seattle Seahawks and UW. Then we watched as he excitedly pressed on the button that effectively turned the building into rubble. Afterwards we went to his Frat house to celebrate with everyone else.

There is someone out back grilling a whole truck load of food. We are mostly hanging out with Jasper and Alice since Emmett and Rosalie are making the rounds. We are all amused by his exuberance. But he and Rosie look so good together, talking to everyone, working the crowd. When they finally make it back to us we just start messing with them. We are all just laughing and making jokes and as I scan the crowd I notice some girls watching us. Well, more specifically they are ogling Edward. Not that I blame them but it is pretty obvious that he is with someone. Next thing I know they are walking up to us.

"Professor Cullen?" giggling girl one says.

Edward turns to look at her and smiles, enchanting her completely. In fact I am pretty sure she audibly gasps.

"Hello, Ms. Miller. Are you enjoying yourself?" Edward asks in his velvety smooth voice. God! I think the poor girl just swooned.

"Yes, and you?" she finally stutters out.

He pulls me closer to him, smiling down at me, running his fingers up the nape of my neck, ending at the base of my ponytail, flipping it around.

"We are having a lot of fun. Isabella, this is Ms. Miller. She is one of my students." He says and I shake her hand. She watches me for a moment and then smiles.

"Well, we better go. I just wanted to stop by and say hi." She says and the two girls walk away, mumbling to one another.

He moves my head slightly and kisses me lightly on the lips. "Ummm, I definitely like this." He says huskily as he flips my pony tail again.

We hear giggling next to us, "Was that the president of your fan club, Professor Cullen?" Rosalie asks laughing.

He rolls his eyes at her, grinning. "No… I believe Isabella is the president of the fan club."

I smile as he leans down to kiss me again, this time, intensifying it.

"Hey, hey, hey… get a room!" Emmett says loudly, drawing attention to us.

I turn and wink at him, "Who needs a room?"

Edward laughs and pulls me close to him, running his hands up and down my back.

"You two have issues." Jasper says laughing and shaking his head.

Both Edward and I look at him, then each other. We both grin as we turn to Jasper and Alice offering our best innocent looks, okay granted Edward can pull it off better than I can but it worked.

"Us… really?" Edward says feigning hurt feelings.

Alice smacks him on the arm. "Quit it! And behave." She says laughing.

We just giggle and he holds me close to him. I turn so that I am facing everyone and he sighs into my neck, running his fingers along my stomach as we joke with everyone. Overall, we are having a lot of fun. The food has been good and the company has been great. When they start playing music I automatically start swaying my hips, pushing my ass against him. He moans softly, pulling on my ponytail until my head turns to him. He kisses me until we hear someone clear their throat near us. Damn it! We really need to learn to monitor our interactions better.

We keep it tame throughout the rest of the night but the more time that goes by, the more we dance and sway near each other, and the more turned on we become. Edward eventually grabs my hand and pulls me into the hallway inside the frat house, pushing me up against the wall, kissing me fiercely. Running his fingers over my breasts and tweaking my nipples through my thin shirt. I immediately move my hand to his crotch, squeezing his ever present bulge.

"I want you" he pants desperately.

I start unbuttoning his jeans quickly, moving my hand inside, "I want you too."

He groans as he kisses me again, when we hear giggling he pulls away from me, trying to catch his breath as I discreetly button up his jeans. I need to get him out of here. There are too many people for him to be comfortable.

"Let's go baby. I know a place."

I grab his hand and lead him out of the frat house and across the street towards the school. Okay, I know this feels very familiar but I just keep thinking about what Rosie said and think why the hell not. I don't want it to be like Riley and Alec cause everything with Edward is unique and different so I walk him past the benches and over towards one of the buildings. I run up the steps, him close behind me. By the time we reach the top he stops me, dragging me down to the ground. He is kneeling above me and I move slightly so that I am leaning on my elbows.

"Move closer baby." He obliges, resting his knees on the steps near my shoulders.

I smile as I run my fingers along the buttons on his jeans. I start unbuttoning them slowly, one at a time, gradually exposing his boxers underneath. I run my fingers along the inside band of his boxer briefs, tugging on his hair. He starts breathing quickly and sets his hands down beside my head. I reach inside his boxers and pull him out, shimming down a little bit so that I am in the right position. I stroke him up and down and then place my mouth around his head, circling it with my tongue. He starts panting as he thrusts forward. I grip his cock tightly and his eyes roll back. I start sucking on his head and sweep my tongue into his slit, while simultaneously squeezing his cock.

"I… I…" he is panting breathlessly, unable to form any words.

I continue to suck on his head, swirling my tongue around him, moaning as pre-cum seeps from his tip. I lap it up quickly as he whimpers above me. Oh yeah. I am going to make him come just by sucking on his head. I know he has been close to coming all night so this shouldn't take long. I increase my suction on his perfect head as he tries to thrust into me but I squeeze him hard when he does, causing him to grunt and let out the sexiest whimpering noises. I suck harder on him, nipping at his head as my tongue circles his tip, dipping into his slit again.

"Bella… I'm… Oh God… coming…" he garbles the last word as his eyes close tightly.

I let go of his cock and let him thrust into my throat just as he starts coming. He falls down on his arms as his body convulses from his orgasm. I continue to lick and suck around his cock as his breathing slowly comes back to normal. After a few moments he pulls away from my mouth and positions himself so that he can kiss me.

"I swear you are going to kill me one day." He whispers against me, smiling widely.

I grin at him as he moves his hand up my thigh. He smiles at me and moves my panties aside, slipping two of his fingers inside of me. He pumps into me a few times and then brings his fingers to his lips. My mouth parts as I watch him suck on his long sensuous fingers. He smirks deliciously at me and then glances around quickly before hiking up my skirt and pulling my panties down. He brings his mouth to my hot center and blows on me as I arch my hips up to him.

"Move to the edge of the step." His voice hoarse with need.

I do as he says and he moves down one step, moving his hands along my thighs, spreading my legs. He starts kissing my thighs, sucking on my flesh as I move my fingers to my clit, desperate to come. He grins against my thigh and places his hands on mine, stopping my movement. He looks up at me and smiles naughtily, batting those long lashes of his as he circles my clit with his tongue. He holds my hands to my side and I involuntarily arch into him as my eyes flutter closed.

"Edward" I whimper erratically.

He continues to circle my clit, teasing me with that fantastic tongue of his. He slowly moves his tongue through my folds entering me, sending goose bumps across my skin. I am moaning and panting loudly, holding nothing back. He has a firm grip on my hands making sure I can't move them, as he whips his tongue in and out of me. I am in an erotic frenzy as I buck into him, close, so very close to my release. I want to grab his hair, to force his mouth onto me harder but he is holding me in place which is turning me on more than I would like to admit.

"Oh God Edward... Make me come, make me come, make me come!" I scream out to him, unable to control the volume or intensity of my voice as I move my head from side to side frantically.

He growls against me as his tongue sweeps against my walls, he moves his mouth over more of me, nipping at my folds, and sucking my swollen nub into his mouth. Oh God! He is too much; my body is vibrating as he continues to move his perfect mouth all over me, until I am screaming in ecstasy. He continues to suck on me as my body falls limp underneath him. When he looks up at me his lips are shiny and I need to taste them desperately.

He must sense what I want because he lets go of my hands and crawls up to me bringing his mouth to mine. I moan at the sensation of his slick lips, moist with my arousal. He lays there kissing me intently for several minutes. When we finally pull away from each other he grins at me, both of us satiated.

When the first fireworks sound we are startled momentarily. I forgot about them, lost in my Edward induced haze. We sit up on the steps and watch the fireworks display going off in the night sky. He wraps his arm around my shoulder as I rest my head against him. It's like our own private show. Yep, this is definitely better than the last Fourth of July. Once everything is done we hesitantly get up and head back towards the Frat House.

"Should we just text them that we are leaving?" I ask as we are walking across campus.

He nods, "Yeah. I want to get you home." He says grinning down at me. He stops for a second and pulls his phone out.

*****We are heading home. Catch you later. E*****

*****So you are just fucking and leaving huh?*****

*****LMAO… like you wouldn't too if you weren't already being worshipped by everyone over there, E*****

*****I am not being worshipped. I am being ADORED there's a difference! Jealous that I have a fan club too…LOL*****

*****Whatever! Talk to you later, E*****

*****I won't say have a good night cause I know you probably already have*****

He is shaking his head and laughing as he is texting Emmett. When he pockets his phone he is just grinning from ear to ear. He pulls me close to him again as we walk towards the car. It's a little distance away so we take our time, every few steps he stops and kisses me. At this rate we will never make it there but who cares. When we do reach the car he stops and stares at it, quickly walking to the passenger side. That's when I see it. A black rose on the passenger windshield wiper.

He looks around quickly. Don't bother babe I do that every time and never see anyone. I realize this is the first time he has actually been around when I received one. I remember the panic I had the first few times I got them. I walk over to him and grab the rose out of his hand. I pull the tile off of it and then hit the rose violently against a nearby tree.

"Fuck… You…" I say as I throw the rose on the ground.

Edward quickly pulls me into his arms and I just rest my head against his chest, crying softly. "Baby, I want to go home." I say against him.

He nods and kisses me tenderly on my forehead. "We are talking to my Dad tomorrow. If the cops won't do something my Dad certainly will. We will hire someone to find out what the hell is going on."

I take a deep breath and nod.

He holds my face in his hands, looking at me determinedly, "Whatever it takes Bella. I don't care what I have to do. I will NOT lose you again. I will die before that happens."

I am the one that will die if something were to happen to him. There is no life without Edward in it. He ushers me into his car and I watch as he walks to his side, looking around angrily, as if he is sending some kind of message to whoever it is that is doing this that he will protect me at all cost. Let's just hope it doesn't come to that.

* * *

><p><strong>AN… Ahhhh, the plot thickens… So, hmmm, I know, I know… nothing in Bella's life is easy but at least they are seeking help from Daddy C. And ya know… E & B really need to learn how to contain their desire for one another cause it would probably look bad if he got caught having sex on campus, especially now that he teaches there. I'm just saying…LOL… Any ideas what the message is?**

**Keep a look out all my Daddy C fans. I am posting a special outtake for my girl Corinne who wanted some Daddy C loving for her birthday. I will post on New Year's Day.**

**So, you know the drill… send me a review, let me know what you're thinking.**


	47. Ch 46: My Love

**Rating: M- For lemons (lots of them), language and situations. So this means if you're under 16 please be responsible for yourself.**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer is the sole owner of the world of Twilight. I am just having a little harmless fun with her characters.**

**Once again thank you to my amazing Beta's A & C for your guidance, encouragement & support. I am so happy you ladies came into my life! Okay folks, I do have some pictures for this chapter and the new song has been posted. The song for this chapter is from Marcus Foster and I think the lyrics really speak for Edward.**

**Now I know a lot of you have questions about last chapter. Those who review know I am terrible about giving plot details away, I'm such a sucker and some of you are very good. Yes, Sara and Ginkgo I am looking at you… so anyway I am really trying hard not to spill the beans too soon, although there are some good theories going around… So let's just see what Daddy C has to say, shall we?**

* * *

><p>When the sun falls down like the memory of a sword<br>Turning everything from gold into grey, there's a light that still finds your face  
>Giving all the dust and shadows a name, giving all the dust and shadows a name<p>

When the night turns just as cold as the surface of a mirror  
>Showing nothing more than sorrow and fade, there's a sight sitting slowly in my mind<br>With a sound that is waking up the shade, with a sound that is waking up the shade

But it's you my love, so kind are your eyes I see them in the darkest skies.  
>If it's true my love, I've got to steel away, I love you til my dying day<p>

When the feeling hits your heart like an arrow in the snow  
>Waking all the blood that's sleeping in your veins<br>It's alright to think that you don't really know  
>Just how the world is going to deal with your remains<br>Just how the world is going to deal with your remains

There's a spirit in your mind I can see it in your eyes  
>Like a gift you bring to ease a troubled tune.<br>When we cast another stone beneath the sand stained moon  
>And awake to find ourselves alone in our room, and awake to find ourselves alone.<p>

You My Love by Marcus Foster

**Chapter 46: My Love**

**EPOV**

I glance over at her and she is looking out the window, breathing in slowly, with a contemplative look on her face. She seems to be on the verge of tears. She has been this way since we left the frat house yesterday. She won't talk to me about it either. I reach over and touch her cheek; she closes her eyes, breathing in deeply.

"Baby, please don't shut me out again. You said you would talk to me about everything." I know I must sound desperate but I can't help it. This was how she got before she left me.

She looks over at me, tears in her eyes. "I can't bear the thought of anything happening to you because of me." She closes her eyes, shaking her head, "I can't hurt you again. I just… I can't…"

I pull the car over, quickly shifting it into park and pull her as close to me as I can in my small space. She starts crying on my shoulder, her chest heaving against me.

"The only way you could hurt me is to leave me."

"That will never happen." She huffs.

"Whatever is happening now, we will deal with it together." I run my hands into her hair, "My parents will help us figure this out."

She nods and looks up at me. I wipe under her eyes, "I love you Isabella," I kiss her softly on the lips, "I will love you until the day that I die and if there is an afterlife I will love you then as well." I say the last part grinning but I am very serious.

She smiles and we hold each other until we finally decide we better leave. We aren't very far from my parent's house. Neither one of them know what's going on. I was trying to handle this on my own but it's clear that I need help and the cops don't give a shit unless something happens to Bella which is unacceptable to me. I had called my parents this morning to make sure they were going to be home. My mom was ecstatic that we were coming over. She may not be by the time we leave.

"I love you." she whispers to me as we pull up to the house.

"It will be okay Bella. We will figure out what to do." I say running my fingers along her face.

She nods and we head inside. My mom has already made a meal for us but neither Bella nor I are very hungry. We have been picking at our food, casually touching each other. It's like we need to be making contact with each other at all times. We have been answering questions about work and school but not elaborating on anything. I do want to talk about what's going on with Bella and me but not necessarily at the table. My parents are smart though and keep watching us and our interactions. They can tell something is up but haven't said anything yet. Finally my dad sets his fork down and stares at the two of us.

"What's going on?" he says intensely, "You two are acting strange. Did something happen?"

"Some weird things have been going on and we want your feedback on it." I say clutching Bella's hand as her breathing accelerates.

My dad scowls, "What kind of things?"

"On my birthday a flower was placed on Bella's car when she was in the shop with Alice and Rosalie and then a couple of days later another flower was on her car at the hospital. She has been getting them every few days or so and then yesterday at UW when we got back to our car from the frat party there was another one. She has received 11 so far."

"Is there a note left with these flowers?" he asks, furrowing his brows.

"No, just a scrabble tile." I look down and frown and then look at my dad again, "We went to the police a few days ago and they won't do anything unless it escalates and I'm sorry I don't want to wait until that happens before we do something about it." I say forcefully. "What do I do, Dad?"

"Are you sure it's about her and not you?"

"What do you mean?" I say confused.

"Is it possible they are doing this to her to get at you, possibly get at me through you? You said all this started on your birthday?" he is watching my expression closely.

"Yes. The first rose was outside of Alice's shop when they were over there getting ready for the concert."

I close my eyes for a moment, trying to wrap my head around this. I just sort of assumed it was about Bella, someone trying to hurt her. But could it be about me or worse yet, about my father. Could someone be trying to get at him through me? This is all so damn confusing. When I open my eyes he is looking at Bella who has her eyes closed and her head down.

"Isabella do you have any idea who could be sending you these?"

She shakes her head, "The only people I could think of that hate me enough to cause me any problems are Jake, Dr. Aro, Mike and," she hesitates, "James." She then sighs, "I suppose I could add Riley to that list as well but he's just a kid so I don't think he would waste his time."

"I see." Dad says leaning back, anger emanating from him. I don't know if he is angry that this is happening or angry that it is possible that Jake or Dr. Aro might be involved.

"You said a scrabble tile was left with each rose?" he finally says trying to sound calm but I can tell he is upset.

I pull out the pouch we keep them in and hand it to him. He drops them on the table, the pinging sound they make seeming to echo in the room. Bella and I wince as they hit the table. We haven't really looked at them. We have just been adding the new ones to the pile. My dad looks over at Bella and me and then back down at the tiles, turning them over and moving them around.

"You were always good with scrabble Edward." He looks up at me, "Any idea what the message is?"

I shake my head. "We haven't really looked at them." I look at Bella, "We haven't tried to figure it out."

Bella sighs and looks down, moving her hand along our bracelet. I watch her, furrowing my brows as I turn to my dad, "Dad do you think she is in any danger? I won't let anyone hurt her." I say heatedly.

"I don't know son."

"What about him?" Bella says quickly.

I turn to see the panic on her face. "Baby, I am more worried about you than me."

Now she looks angry, "Well I am worried about you. If something were to happen to you because of me. I… I… I can't live with that." She looks panicked, her eyes are darting all over the place and her breathing is labored. She gets up quickly before I can pull her into my arms to calm her down. I jump up but my mom gets up before I do.

"Let me talk to her Edward."

I reluctantly sit down and look at my dad.

"What do you think?" My nerves are out of control again.

"I am worried. I think she needs protection. Whether this originates with you or her, she is the one being targeted. I can put Jenks on her; try to see if he can get film on whoever is following her. That will give us more information. I can also put eyes on her at the hospital. I will look into the possibility of Aro or Black being involved but my guess is they aren't brave enough to cross me." He scowls when he mentions Jake and Dr. Aro.

"And the others she mentioned?"

"I will have Jenks put a track on James, that's her stepdad correct?" I nod at him. "Do you think this Riley person is a threat?"

I shake my head, "No, he's the one I got into a fight with on Halloween. He's afraid of pissing off Emmett. He wants in that fraternity so, no, I don't think he would do this."

My dad nods and I can't take it anymore.

"What about Mike?"

He sighs, "I have to decide how to handle Mike." He leans back in his chair.

"I know he's involved dad." I frown. Why won't he do something about him?

"Yes. I now he is involved as well. I just don't know how involved."

"If something happens to her because of him I will kill him. I won't be able to stop myself. I will kill him." I say determinedly.

I hear a gasp in the hall and then Isabella says furiously, "To hell you will."

I turn to look at her, "If something happens to you I..."

"I won't have you go to jail avenging me." She says adamantly.

"I'd be in a jail anyway, my own personal jail, my own personal hell." I state indignantly. "I won't live without you. I can't."

"I can't either." she says panic stricken.

"Both of you stop it!" my mom says flustered.

She walks between us, grabbing both of our faces and forcing us to look at her. "I don't want to hear either one of you talking about dying or killing people. IF something happens, and that is a big giant IF, I would not allow either of you to give up on life. Do you two understand that?"

Neither one of us moves but Bella has tears in her eyes.

My mom turns to me, "Is that what you want Edward, for Bella to kill herself should you die?"

I gasp loudly. "No… God no! That's not what I want."

"So you would prefer that she watch over you while you rot in jail?" She says arching her brow at me. I just stare at her.

She turns to Bella, "Is that what you want Isabella? For him to die for you or worse yet kill for you."

"No." she says meekly as she starts crying.

I move away from my mom and grab Bella, pulling her close to me, letting her cry against my chest. My mom places one hand on my shoulder and her other hand on Bella's shoulder. She lets us be this way for a long time before she starts talking again.

"We need to figure this out calmly. I know that you are both willing to sacrifice yourself for the other. To die for one another but frankly that idea is intolerable for me."

We both look at her, my mom turns to Bella, "Isabella, you are a part of my family now and we fight for our family. You need to trust that we will take care of you. I know your gut reaction is to run but that will not work for either of you. I need you to not do anything on your own that could put you in harm's way, for you to do anything reckless. Can you do that?"

She nods against my chest, holding me tighter.

My mom then turns to me, "Son, I will not lose you so I'm telling you right now you better not do anything rash that puts yourself in danger or takes you away from me." She says unwaveringly and all I can do is nod at her.

We stay at my parents' house for a few more hours, talking about everything that has been happening. We decided that we didn't know enough to figure out what all the pieces meant and we didn't have enough tiles to make out the message. Bella didn't want a body guard but was okay with hiring Jenks to try and find out what was happening. By the time we got home we were exhausted, spent emotionally and physically. I held her in my arms until we fell into a fitful sleep.

_My hands are wet. I look down and see that they are covered in blood, I am covered in blood. Why am I covered in blood? Oh God! Where's Bella? I look around frantically. It's dark and I can't tell where I am. Where's Bella? I need to find her. I see a body slump in the corner. Oh God that can't be her. Something sparkles and when I connect what it is my heart drops. It's our bracelet. Oh God! She isn't moving and I can't tell if she is breathing from here. I try to crawl to her but my legs won't move. I can't help her, I can't protect her, and I can't save her._

"_No, No, No, No, No…." I start screaming._

"Baby, wake up."

I hear Bella say as she is shaking me, when I open my eyes I am filled with panic. I can't breathe, my heart feels like it is going to burst out of my chest and my head is spinning. I need to know she is real, that she is alive. I grab her quickly, laying her down underneath me and start kissing her mouth roughly, aggressively even. I feel myself push into her but don't know what the hell I am doing. I can't even be sure that I am actually awake. I can feel tears coming out of my eyes and can hear my frantic breaths as desperation overtakes me. She is whimpering underneath me as I thrust into her quickly. This is frenzied and wild, unlike anything we have done before. This feels all wrong but I can't seem to stop myself and she isn't trying to stop me but... she also isn't participating either. I feel so lost, so overwhelmed with sadness and fear. I thrust into her harder and harder and a few minutes later my body convulses from my orgasm. I drop back down on top of her, my chest heaving. She doesn't move as I roll on my back and bring my arm over my eyes, tears streaming down my face. What the hell just happened?

I feel a shift on the bed and a few moments later I feel her place soft kisses along my neck and collar bone, her fingertips barely grazing over me as she moves them down to my stomach and back up again. She is breathing softly against me. She keeps doing this over and over, gentle kisses, and soft touches down my chest to my belly button and back up again. Her gentle touch is making my chest hurt. How can she possibly be so loving towards me after the way I just acted? She continues to caress me until my breathing finally settles down and my heart stops racing and that's when the reality of what happened sinks in.

"Oh God! Bella I'm so sorry... Did I hurt you?" I can't even bear the thought that I might have caused her pain.

"I'm fine," she says gently kissing my chest, "are you okay?"

"I can't live without you." Is the only thing I am able to utter out in my despair.

I pull her close to me, holding her as tightly as is humanly possible. I am so tired, my mind and body shattered. I close my eyes and start drifting off to sleep again, hearing her whisper softly against me.

"You won't ever have to."

* * *

><p>By Sunday evening we were just going through the motions. Trying desperately to make everything feel normal when in reality it is anything but. She cleaned the house while I graded papers. Every so often she would swing by me, letting her fingers gently graze my shoulders, or neck, or jaw. I feel horrible about what happened last night. I acted like some kind of animal, just taking her aggressively like that. When I had woken up I thought maybe I had just dreamed what happened but when I saw her walk to the bathroom I knew it wasn't a dream. She keeps reassuring me that she is ok but that doesn't make it right. My head and my heart hurt. My phone buzzes on the table, pulling me out of my troublesome thoughts. I glance at it and see that I have a new text from Emmett.<p>

*****Someone broke into the house. Nothing was taken but the place is trashed*****

I frown and immediately dial his number. I notice Bella watching me with concern. He picks up on the first ring.

"_What happened?" I say quickly._

"_I just got back from the stadium and walked in to a mess."_

"_Did you call the cops already?"_

"_Yeah, they are on their way. It doesn't look like anything was taken and I don't know. It is all haphazard, like trashing the place was an afterthought or something."_

"_Are you sure nothing was taken?"_

"_From what I can tell, yeah."_

"_We are on our way over there. Does Jasper know?"_

"_Yeah, I texted the two of you at the same time. Can you pick up a pizza or something? I'm starving."_

_God! How can he think of food? "Yeah... We will see you in a few."_

Bella has moved close to me now, her hand resting on my shoulder. I look up at her and my expression of worry mirrors hers as I hang up.

"What happened?"

"Someone broke into the house. I want to go over there but I don't want to leave you alone until we know what the hell is going on."

She nods, "Let's go."

We stopped at Pagliacci's Pizzeria and picked up the Brooklyn Bridge Pizza, which is Em's favorite, and the AGOG Primo, which is Jazz's favorite, along with some breadsticks. We used to go to Pag's all the time so when Em said Pizza I knew he meant here. When we pull up the police are already there as is Alice and Jasper.

I park and get out, walking over to Bella who has already gotten out of the car. I grab the pizzas from Bella and we head inside. My God! It _is_ a mess. I see Jazz and Em and walk over to them setting the food down while Bella gives Alice a reassuring hug.

"What have they said?" I ask.

"Nothing seems to be missing. They took pictures of everything and are filing a report but not much else they can do. They thought it was weird with all the games, and instruments, and stuff that are out in the open that they wouldn't take anything." Jazz says with a shrug.

"They think someone was pissed at one of us and just came in and trashed the place. They wanted to know if either of us had an angry ex or something?" Em says laughing and taking a slice of pizza.

"Do you live here as well?" The police officer says to me.

"I did."

"Your name please?" he asks.

"Edward Cullen."

"Well, Mr. Cullen, could you look around and see if anything is missing?" he says as he jots some notes down in his notepad.

I nod and start to walk around the house when Bella quickly takes my hand. I bring it to my mouth and kiss it lightly as we go into my old room. I still have pretty much everything in there but my clothes and pictures. I didn't need anything else when I moved in with Bella. I don't see anything missing and then I hear Bella gasp. I look at her and her hand is covering her mouth. I follow her gaze and exhale loudly. On the nightstand is a single scrabble tile. Fuck! I walk over towards it while Bella grips my hand tightly. I pick it up and sigh. It's just like the others. I roll it in my fingers and pull out the pouch we started taking with us everywhere. I place the tile inside of it and then put it back in my pocket.

"Should we tell the cops?" I ask, looking at her terrified expression.

"They aren't going to do anything."

"This seems like an escalation to me." I say looking down, not liking the implication.

"What do you think they were after?" she asks as she squeezes my hand.

"They want to scare us."

"Well, they're doing that." She whispers as she sits on the bed, bringing her head between her legs.

I pull out my phone to call my dad. He picks up right away. "They broke into my old place. They left another scrabble tile. What do you want me to do?"

"Keep it. I'm on my way." He says hanging up.

"Anything?" the police officer asks from the doorway.

"No, nothing." I lie and sit on the bed with Bella.

I move so that my back is against the headboard and she lays her head on my lap, breathing heavily. She cries softly as I run my fingers through her hair until her breathing eventually slows down. By the time my parents get here the police have already left. I lean down and kiss her head when I hear them in the living room.

"Baby, my parents are here."

She looks up at me and I run my fingers along her face. Her eyes are swollen from crying and her face is distraught. I move my thumb across her lips and she opens her mouth slightly. I grin as she kisses the pad of my thumb and brings it into her mouth. We hear a throat clear and see Jazz at the door. I move my hand away from her mouth and cup her cheek lovingly.

"We'll be out in a minute Jazz." I say never taking my eyes away from Bella.

Bella sits up as we hear his footsteps in the hall. She brings her mouth to mine, kissing me intently as her tongue and mine become one. When she finally pulls away from me we are both out of breath. We are just staring at each other, not saying a word. All the fear, all the love, all the worry, it's all just swirling around between us.

"I love you so much." I say kissing her lips softly.

"I know what I told your mom but… I can't live without out you. If something were to happen." She says looking down.

"Nothing is going to happen to either of us." I say with a conviction I don't truly believe.

She sighs and then nods, "We better go talk to your dad."

When we get out to the living room, everyone is sitting around, waiting for us. I grab one of the barstools from the dining area and have Bella sit down while I stand behind her, running my fingers through the back of her hair.

"So where did you find it?" My dad says quickly, getting straight to business.

"It was on my nightstand."

"Was anything taken?" he inquires further.

"Not that we could tell."

"So, Edward… this was clearly a message to you." He says firmly.

"Why would they come here and not mine and Bella's place? I haven't lived here in almost a year. That makes no sense." I say confused.

"Well, they were undoubtedly looking for something they thought was here." He says bringing his fingers to his mouth.

My dad looks at his watch and a few minutes later we hear a knock on the door. He gets up and walks over to the door opening it up and inviting a disheveled looking man in. He isn't much to look at, slightly built, in old clothes. He has a bit of a receding hairline and he looks sort of like a bum, a crazy looking bum. Who the hell is this? My dad walks over to us.

"This is Jason Jenks. He is my best investigator. Tell him everything." He says sitting back down.

Jenks looks around at all of us and stops when he sees Bella. A small smile crosses his face. Then he sits on the couch, practically sitting on Emmett who gives him a weird look as he moves over. He pulls out a notebook from his satchel and looks up at me and Bella.

"Leave nothing out." He says tapping his notebook.

I gently rub Bella's shoulders as I tell him everything, starting with the first rose and ending with today while Bella fills in what I leave out. Jenks barely looks up, writing quickly on his notepad. When we are done he doesn't say anything. He just stares at his notepad for a while and then starts circling things, drawing lines between events, underlining words, and adding question marks. I look at Emmett who is watching him and Emmett shrugs when he looks back at me.

"Well." He says kind of loudly and we all basically jump. "For starters, I will run a trace on these five people," He says tapping his pen on the notebook again, "just to check their whereabouts."

He looks at Bella, "I don't think you are in danger at the moment but it is better to be safe. You cannot go anywhere without someone with you. I need your exact schedule. Every day, if you take a piss I want to know because this person," he taps the notepad again "I guarantee you that this person knows when you piss, when you fuck, everything. He is patient, biding his time, waiting for his moment. You think it is a coincidence that nothing transpired while you were in the nut bin. Are you fucking anyone else aside from him?" he says motioning to me.

"Fuck you." Bella says, "Who the hell do you think you are? You can't talk to me that way."

"Who the hell am I? Who am I?" he starts laughing hysterically and then gets serious, leaning in towards her, "I'm the asshole that is going to keep your crazy ass alive. Are you still a drunk?"

Bella is breathing quickly and then Emmett turns to him, "No she's not drinking. What does that have to do with anything?" he says angrily.

"Who are you to her?" Jenks says looking at him.

"I'm her friend." Emmett says scowling at him.

"Then be a friend and shut the fuck up. She needs to understand how serious this is because she's careless." He turns back to us, "I need to know that you are going to do everything I tell you to do. You have your boyfriend who can be all nurturing and supportive but that is not my job. Now where are all these scrabble tiles?"

We are all just staring at him, speechless. Then I pull out the pouch and hand it over to him. He pulls all the tiles out and writes down the letters on his notepad, circling them. He has things written all over the place in a chaotic fashion. How does he keep it all straight? He looks at Bella again.

"So are you still crazy?"

"What the fuck is your problem?" I say stepping in front of Bella. He just looks at me and starts smiling.

"I see you have your fathers temper. Well, calm yourself junior. I need to know what I am dealing with here."

"I'm not crazy." Bella says softly from behind me.

Finally my dad clears his throat.

"Jenks is the best out there. He didn't get that way by playing nice. You need to both listen to him and do what he says. After today you won't see him but he will be around. He will report to me and we will meet to discuss what he finds. Since I am unsure of the security at my office at the moment we will meet at the house."

Jenks turns to my dad. "He's a hothead. You better talk to him before he gets himself killed."

My dad frowns at him but doesn't say anything. Jenks laughs again, shaking his head, mumbling something about Cullen men not being able to control themselves.

"So give me your schedule." Jenks says turning back to Bella, motioning his hand exaggeratedly for me to step aside.

I move out of the way reluctantly and make my way around her chair again, touching her shoulders. Bella gives him her schedule and then he asks for mine as well. I start to argue and when he arches his brow at me I stop, looking at my father who just nods at me. I sigh and give him my schedule as well. When he is done he stands up and walks over to the pizza, picking at it before mumbling about how society ruined good pizza. I take it he's a meat and cheese only kind of guy. After he leaves we just sit around until Bella excuses herself. The minute she is gone my dad looks at me.

"You need to control your emotions son. Jenks is right. You are going to get yourself killed trying to protect her." He says fiercely.

"I won't let anyone hurt her. No one ever stood up for her. I..." My dad raises his hand cutting me off.

"I understand that but this isn't about fighting some kid at a frat party, this is…" then he abruptly stops as Bella walks back in the room. "Just try to control yourself Edward. That's all I'm saying." He says leaning back against the chair.

I run my hand through my hair several times. I know he is right but when it comes to Bella I lose all common sense. I feel her hand move up and down my back and I turn to her, trying my best to smile but I know it doesn't come off very well.

"Are you ready?" I ask as I kiss her forehead softly.

She nods and we say our goodbyes. Man, I just want this weekend to be over. We are both quiet on the drive home and when we enter the house she just walks to the bedroom. She starts getting undressed as I watch from the doorway. She looks over at me and motions for me to come to her.

"Make love to me Edward." She says running her fingers down my cheek. "This has nothing to do with last night baby. I told you it was ok. I just…" she kisses me softly, "I just need you baby." She runs her tongue over my lips. "I need you." She whispers against me.

I start kissing her and then lay her down on the bed. I pull my shirt over my head and quickly dispose of my pants. My hands gently caress over her, watching as her eyes close, and her bottom lip enters her mouth. I spread her legs and she wraps them around my waist as I line up to her, pushing gently inside her welcoming walls. This is how it should have been last night.

"I love you, Isabella." I say as I lay tender kisses along her neck.

"I love you, Edward." She whispers to me as her hands enter my hair.

I move in and out of her with ease as she kisses me softly, tenderly. She starts running her hands up and down my back, gently running her nails across my shoulder blades. She arches her hips up as she starts to intensify her kiss. I pick up my pace pulling away from her slightly so that I can watch her. She stares at me, tears in her eyes as she brings her hands to my face, running her fingers along my jaw line. We both whisper I love you to each other as we find our release.

* * *

><p>She was up and out of the house long before I was even awake because she had an early shift. I hate waking up without her. It always feels so wrong. I gather myself together and head to the U. I sure hope that Jenks can get some information, help us figure this entire thing out. I feel like I am constantly on edge and I hate that feeling.<p>

My class went well and afterwards I swing by the teachers' lounge to pick up my mail. There is a large envelope addressed to Professor Cullen. That's kind of odd but it's thick so it must be some papers. I toss it in my bag along with the papers I will need to grade today.

"Edward, hold on." I hear the dean say.

I stop and smile at him, "How are you today sir?"

"Good, good. How are you enjoying teaching?"

"I love it." I say grinning from ear to ear.

"The mid-semester evaluations are in and I must say your students really enjoy your teaching style." He says casually.

I smile, "That's good to hear."

"I have an adjunct faculty position opening up if you would be interested. It would be three classes: English 101, Intro to American Literature, and Freshman Composition."

I am practically bouncing and definitely smiling like an idiot, "I am very interested."

"Wonderful. Go see my assistant before you leave today. She can show you the syllabus used for the last couple of years and help you get your book order in. Of course you are free to modify the syllabus but you might want to use the books used last year because I think it is too late to get new books for the Fall semester."

"Thank you, sir. I will go see her right now."

I ended up at the school a little longer than anticipated but was able to get the information I needed and get things squared away for Fall. I can't wait to tell Bella the news. We were just talking about this a few days ago. I look at the clock when I enter the house. Bella will be home in about an hour. I should be able to get these papers done before then. As I pull out the papers I notice the manila envelope again and look at it curiously. There isn't a return address. That's weird. I open it up and realize there are pictures in there. I haphazardly pull them out and my heart drops to the ground. There are tons and tons of 8x10 pictures of Bella in compromising positions. I know I should have just put them back in the envelope but the picture on top was beckoning me, telling me to take a look. I swallow hard and then start shifting through them.

_Bella kissing Mike in the elevator, his hand squeezing her ass_

_Mike with his hand on her breast_

_Bella touching Mike's cock through his pants_

_Bella leaving a club with Mike, he is kissing along her neck_

_Bella getting into Mike's car_

_Mike kissing her in the car_

_Jacob walking up to Bella's house_

_Jacob leaving Bella's house, straightening out his shirt and pants_

_Bella coming out of some house, straightening her skirt out._

_Bella walking with two guys, her hands in their back pockets_

_Bella on her knees, giving one guy head while she is stroking the other one who I recognize, Riley_

_Bella giving head to Riley while she is fucking I would presume Alec_

_Jacob entering and then leaving Bella's house_

_Bella fucking some guy at a park_

_Bella leaving a bar with some guy who has his hand under her skirt_

_Bella in an alley with some guy fucking her against the wall_

_Bella fucking some guy in her car_

_Bella giving head to some guy behind some building_

Oh God! I think I am going to be sick. My heart is racing. I throw the pictures off of the table, cursing and hear the ever so familiar ping of the scrabble tile hit the floor as well. I don't even care about that right now. I start tossing things around, trying to get a handle on my rage, feeling totally out of control. After making a mess I sit on the couch with my head in my hands just saying _Fuck_ over and over again. My breathing is ragged and my head just hurts. I hear the door open and Bella gasp. She makes her way to me quickly, placing her hand on my shoulder but I don't move.

"Baby, what happened?" she asks concerned.

I shake my head. I can't talk to her yet. I know I shouldn't be angry at her. This was all stuff that happened before we were together. But seeing it is… It's overwhelming. I keep saying 'It's not her fault' over and over in my head. I know that but right now. Fuck! I don't want to say anything. I don't think I _can_ say anything without it coming off as hurtful. Fuck! I need to get out of here. I stand up suddenly and walk away from her, grabbing my keys and walking out. I need to cool off.

* * *

><p><strong>AN… Ah, well… Hmm. Do you think he overreacted? How do you think Bella is going to handle him leaving like that? What do you think of Jenks? What do you think they were looking for at his old place or were they even looking for anything at all? Hmm, lots of questions.**

**As always, hit me up with a review, let me know what ya think. **


	48. Ch 47: Holding On

**Rating: M- For lemons (lots of them), language and situations. So this means if you're under 16 please be responsible for yourself.**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer is the sole owner of the world of Twilight. I am just having a little harmless fun with her characters.**

**Once again thank you to my amazing Beta's A & C for your guidance, encouragement & support. Thanks for hanging in there with me on this crazy ride! There are no pictures for this chapter but the new song has been posted. The song for this chapter is from Avril Lavigne and I think it just fits perfectly for both Edward and Bella.**

**Hmm, last chapter didn't end on such a good note. I know lots of you are very concerned about our troublesome couple. So... Let's take a look at where Bella is at.**

* * *

><p>You're not alone, together we stand<br>I'll be by your side; you know I'll take your hand  
>When it's cold and it feels like the end<br>There's no place to go, you know I won't give in  
>No, I won't give in<p>

Keep holding on  
>Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through<br>Just stay strong  
>Cause you know I'm here for you, I'm here for you<br>There's nothing you could say, nothing you could do  
>There's no other way when it comes to the truth<br>So keep holding on  
>Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through<p>

So far away, I wish you were here  
>Before it's too late this could all disappear<br>Before the doors close and it comes to an end  
>With you by my side, I will fight and defend<br>I'll fight and defend

Keep Holding On by Avril Lavigne

**Chapter 47: Holding On**

**BPOV**

I walk into the house, excited to see him yet when I open the door all I can do is gasp. He has papers and books strewn around, the chairs are turned over, and there's a hole in the wall. He is sitting on the couch with his head between his legs, muttering. I can tell his breathing is all jacked up and I immediately panic. I get to him quickly, placing my hand on his shoulder, moving it soothingly back and forth.

"Baby, what happened?" I whisper to him.

He just starts shaking his head and then suddenly he gets up, moving away from me and storms out of the house. What the fuck just happened? I take a deep breath. I am not going after him. If there is one thing I have learned in life, it's don't go chasing after a man who's pissed. That's one sure way of getting your ass hit. Only in the movies do men stop and reconsider. I will let him cool off. Whatever he is angry about he will tell me when he gets home.

I glance at the table and the floor. I sigh and walk over there to start picking up his papers but stop dead in my tracks when I see a picture of me with Riley and Alec. Holy shit! I take a good look around and see what looks like 15 or more pictures, spread out across the floor. All of them are of me in the middle of some sort of sexually explicit act. Well, I suppose some are the before or after shots. Fuck! I start gathering them all together and notice the scrabble tile. I pick it up and set it on the counter and then place all the pictures down on the table. I look around again and sigh. This is so fucked up. I just need to let him calm down and then we will talk about it. I hope. With a heavy heart and mind I start cleaning up the aftermath, trying desperately to ignore the aching pain within me.

Once I pick up the place I walk into the kitchen and stare at my old cabinet, knowing I shouldn't want it but wanting it anyway. I sigh and go to the fridge for a bottle of water. I am just leaning against the counter looking at the table, at the stack of pictures. I don't need to see them up close to know they are bad. I know what I was before he entered my life. I know the kind of life I led before he showed me another way. I close my eyes tightly. He was so angry. I glance at the clock on the coffee pot. He's been gone for 3 hours and 16 minutes. Why has he been gone so long? That can't be good. I start pacing back and forth in the kitchen, glancing at my cabinet and then looking at the table and those fucked up pictures of me. God I need a drink! I pick up my phone and try my sponsor but she isn't there… Fuck! I try Rosie but get her voicemail... Fuck! I am twirling the phone in my hand, fighting not only the tears but the desire to go grab a pint of Jack Daniels. Finally I just dial him. He doesn't pick up and I can no longer stop the floodgates from opening. I find myself on the ground in the kitchen, holding my legs, sobbing, for what feels like hours. I need to talk to someone. I hesitate for a moment and dial.

_"Hello?"_

_"I need a drink." I finally say._

_He sighs, "No you don't Bella. What happened?"_

_I just start crying again, uncontrollably I might add, my chest heaving from my sorrow._

_"Bella, where's Edward?" Emmett says concerned._

_"I don't know."_

_"What do you mean you don't know?"_

_"He left." My voice cracks with the harshness of those words and what they mean, "He left me."_

_He is silent for a moment._

_"I'm sure he didn't leave you." He hesitates, "Did you guys get into a fight?"_

_"No, but he left angry. Someone sent him pictures of me fucking other guys." I say, hiccupping through my tears._

_"Old pictures I hope."_

_"Of course they're old pictures, I haven't been with anyone but Edward." I practically screech into the phone._

_God! Is that what he thinks? That I am fucking around on Edward. Fuck! Why did I call him anyway? He doesn't say anything right away, as I continue to cry, dry heaving into the phone._

_"Maybe he just needed to cool off Bella. I am sure that was hard for him to see. It doesn't mean he wants to leave you. He would just as soon cut his own heart out before leaving you." He says softly, soothingly._

_I am still crying. I can't lose him. What am I going to do? What if he decides that seeing me like that was too much for him to handle. I try to focus on something else but all I can see is him walking out the door._

_"Bella… Edward loves you very much." I don't answer, I can't. All I can do is cry._

_"Bella… Can you hear me?" When I don't answer he continues, "Bella… please don't start drinking, whatever is happening it will work itself out. I know E… he would never leave you. Just give him time to think about everything. That's probably what he's doing." He says quickly but I still don't answer. I feel so tired; my head feels like it weighs a ton._

_"Bella… answer me!" he says panicked._

_"I hear you." I barely whisper._

"_Bella, E loves you. He'll be back. I know it." He says unwaveringly._

_I hear a car pull up and then a few moments later the door starts to open. "I think he's home." I swallow hard, "Thank you Em" I say hanging up._

I look up just as he walks through the door. He looks as bad as I do. His face falls when he sees me on the floor. He drops his keys and walks over to me quickly. Pulling me into his arms and the flood works start all over again. He just holds me, running his fingers through my hair, while I cry endless tears.

"I'm sorry." He whispers against me.

I can't even talk. I just need to hold him. I take several steadying breaths and straddle his lap, kissing him, keeping my eyes closed tightly. I can't see his face. I can't take the chance that I will see rejection in his eyes. I've never understood how he could want someone like me in the first place. But knowing the way I was and actually seeing the way I was are two different things. Maybe he came back to get his things, to tell me it's over. Oh God! I literally start crying as I am kissing him, my mind unable to focus on anything but the thought of losing him. I can't breathe and have to pull away from him, gasping for air as I look down, desperately trying to hold it together.

"Are you leaving me?" I don't even recognize my own voice.

"No, of course not." he says softly as he runs his fingers along my face, "Look at me Bella"

I slowly open my eyes and see his hurt and anguish.

"I could never leave you." He says kissing my forehead. "I'm sorry I took off the way that I did." He frowns and then pulls me close to his chest. "I was angry when I saw those pictures. I knew that you had been with a lot of people before me but…" he sighs and closes his eyes. I can tell he is holding back, that he wants to say more but is stopping himself.

"Seeing me like that made you question wanting to be with a whore?" I say dismissively.

He opens his eyes quickly as he looks down at me, a solemn expression on his face, "Bella… I can't judge you on what you did before we knew each other but… I don't know… seeing you with Mike… like that. I was beyond angry. I felt betrayed… I wasn't prepared for feeling like that and I knew I needed to leave."

My breathing begins to escalate again as my heart races. I don't care what he said a few minutes ago because right now, this is where he says goodbye. This is where he says I don't want you anymore. It's your own fucking fault Swan! Why should he want to be with someone like you?

He takes a deep breath, pulling me close to his chest again, "I couldn't get the images out of my head and the more I thought about it the angrier I got. I sat in front of my dad's office for a few hours, talking myself out of going inside and beating the crap out of Mike. When he finally walked out that bastard actually stopped and stared at my car, goading me to get out. When I didn't he just grinned and gave me a head nod. Like he was saying I knew you wouldn't do anything." He sighs and kisses me lightly on my head, "I was gripping the wheel so tightly my hands actually hurt but I knew if I went after him that would just give him what he wanted and make things worse for us, for my dad. When I finally let go of the wheel my bracelet moved and I touched it like you do with yours and that solidified my decision but I was still so confused by what I was feeling."

I move my fingers along his chest, breathing in slowly as he runs his hands along my shoulders.

"I ended up at our pier, trying to sort things out. This person, this asshole that is doing this wanted me to react. He wanted me to leave you, to turn my back on you. When I became conscious of the fact that I had involuntarily done what he wanted, knowing you would see those pictures, and jump to the wrong conclusion, I felt horrible."

He shakes his head and sighs, "I was left with the stark realization that I left you alone, vulnerable and I was filled with such panic that it was overwhelming. I got back as quickly as I could." I can feel his heart beat begin to race, he takes a few steadying breaths, "You're my life Bella." He brings his fingers under my chin forcing me to look at him, "You can't fight destiny sweetheart. We are meant to be together. It doesn't matter what you have done before. I will always love you and want to be with you."

"I tried to call you." I whisper, my voice hoarse from crying.

"In my rush out of the house I left my phone. It's in my bag. It was hectic today at school. I don't think I took it off vibrate." He says frowning.

I nod and rest my head against his chest again. "I'm sorry you had to see that side of me. The things I have done."

"Like I said Bella I wasn't necessarily angry at you. I just… I just couldn't stomach the visual of you… you know." He brings my head back up and kisses me softly. "It's difficult imagining anyone else touching you," he runs his fingers along my shoulders, "pleasing you," he looks down and closes his eyes, "I liked believing that I was the only one who could satisfy you and seeing those pictures I recognized that…" he closes his eyes tighter, breathing in quickly, "I recognized that I was just another guy… nothing special."

I stare at his expression of despair and shake my head rigorously. How could he think that? I sit up on my knees and grab his face in my hands.

"You ARE the only one," I kiss his closed mouth, "just you," I start kissing up and down his jaw, "baby, you don't just satisfy my body, you satisfy my heart and mind as well. I didn't know that could exist for me until I met you." I move my tongue along his ear, "you _own_ me baby, my heart, body and soul are yours. No one else… you are NOT just a guy, you are everything to me."

He grabs my face and begins kissing me as I move my hands into his hair, intensifying our kiss and grinding against him. He grabs my hips forcing me against his arousal, groaning every time my jeans rub up against him. He starts darting his tongue in and around my mouth, pouring all his desire and need into it, my body responding to him tenfold. I move away from him quickly and begin undoing my jeans as he quickly unbuttons his, pulling his cock out. I barely get one leg out of them when he grabs me again, latching his mouth onto me, taking my breath away. He grabs my panties and just rips them off the rest of the way, guiding me onto his waiting cock.

"Mmm, Edward. Fuck yes!" I stutter between our kiss.

He is thrusting upwards as he is forcing me down onto him, panting wildly into my mouth as his kiss becomes more feverish. God I can barely breathe but fuck, if I die right now it would be so worth it. He quickens his pace, grunting and grinding me against him urgently. Oh shit! I am so close, just a few more thrusts and I am going to be there. As if he can read my mind he arches his hips up and thrusts into me forcefully a few more times and my whole body spasms from my orgasm throwing him over the edge with me, cursing and screaming my name, as he bites down on my lip. After a few moments he drops his hips back to the ground and my head falls on his neck. I am panting as I run my tongue along my bottom lip, grinning when I taste my own blood.

When my phone rings I moan into his neck. My phone is out of reach; somehow it got kicked in our little tryst just now but I don't want to move from this spot. He starts to move me but I reposition myself exactly as I was which elicits a snicker from him as he nuzzles into my hair. A few seconds later it starts ringing again. By the third time it rings he gently moves me off of him.

"I think whoever it is will continue calling until you answer it." He says sighing.

"It's Vicky. I tried to call her earlier but she didn't pick up."

He looks at me concerned. "You called your sponsor?" he has a tormented look on his face as he closes his eyes and leans his head against the wall.

I run my hand down his face, "That's not your fault baby. I was confused. I thought you were leaving me. I panicked."

He opens his eyes, hurt evident in them. After a moment he begins running his thumb along my bottom lip.

"I'm sorry about this."

I smile, "I'm not. I liked it."

He grins and kisses me softly on the lip he bit. When the phone starts to ring again I get up; almost falling since my pants are half off. I push my jeans off and then what's left of my panties and then pull my jeans back on. When I glance at Edward again he has a slight grin on his face, no doubt liking the fact that I am now wearing my jeans with no underwear. I swear he is such a guy sometimes. I smile as I pick up the phone.

"_Hey Vicky."_

"_I'm so sorry. I was in a meeting and I couldn't get out. Are you ok?" she says frantically. _

_I met Vicky at one of my AA meetings and we hit it off immediately. She's a hard as nails attorney with flaming red hair and an attitude to match my own. She is also a drunk but her drink of choice was vodka. She is older than me by about 9 years or so but she gets me. She said she once went to court fucked up but still ended up winning the case. She never thought she had a problem until she almost got disbarred and was forced into treatment. Needless to say she was the only one who could be __**my**__ sponsor. She isn't married but has some kind of long distant relationship. To each his own I guess. She doesn't seem to mind living vicariously through Edward and me so I tell her about all of our little trysts which she finds very amusing. Vicky and I meet with each other usually a few times a week and she is sometimes at the meetings I attend regularly, if her schedule permits._

"_I'm alright." I lean against the counter watching Edward, "I was upset earlier but its fine now."_

_He gets up and kisses me softly on the forehead before walking to his backpack to get his phone. He then heads into the bedroom to give me some privacy._

"_Bella. What the hell is going on?"_

"_Edward was angry and left. I thought he was leaving me and I sort of freaked out."_

"_And your first reaction was to find some Jack?"_

_I sigh and don't say anything right away._

"_Bella?"_

"_Yes, my first reaction was… I wanted a few shots of whiskey." I say flustered at her calling me on my weakness._

"_So when you couldn't reach me what did you do?"_

"_I tried to call Rosie but she was at work, then I tried Edward but he didn't pick up. I just started freaking out and crying and ended up calling his friend Emmett."_

"_Well, since you obviously didn't go find some JD that worked."_

"_Yeah, I guess. I mean… Emmett's mom was a drunk so I knew he wouldn't let me drink again. He's the one I told you about that Monday after Edward's birthday."_

"_Ah, yeah I remember. So have you talked to Edward?"_

"_Yeah… It's complicated… shit! I mean we aren't complicated but the shit going on around us is. Does that make sense?" _

"_I understand. So you think you are okay. You wanna go grab some coffee or something."_

"_I'm good Vicky but can we still meet tomorrow for lunch?"_

"_Of course we can. It's your turn to buy." And I can't help but roll my eyes._

"_Cool. Well, I am going to go alright."_

"_Alright." she says and just as I am about to hang up she clears her throat, "Bella, I'm really proud of you and the way you handled this situation."_

"_Thanks Vicky." I say beaming._

I hang up and walk into the bedroom, hearing him on the phone with his dad I am guessing. He smiles at me and taps the bed next to him. I walk over, sitting down as he puts his arm around my shoulder. He says bye to his dad and hangs up.

"He wants us to meet at his house this Saturday. He said he will get in touch with Jenks to arrange for an update."

"What time did he want to meet because I have to work on Saturday?"

"Jenks has your work schedule so I am sure they will work it out."

I nod, "Are you hungry?"

And as if on cue his stomach growls, "Guess my stomach answered that one." He says smiling.

"Well, let me get dinner together." I say as I get up, reaching for his hand.

* * *

><p>The rest of the week went by rather uneventful. Thank God! I think next year I am banning the fourth of July. I am just going to skip over it, pretend the mother fucking holiday doesn't exist. I didn't get any more roses and he didn't get anything either. I don't know. Maybe we are in the clear now. Maybe the roses and shit was just some prank that is over.<p>

We are meeting at the Cullen's house early today because I have to be at work at 1:00 p.m. I am not looking forward to meeting with Jenks again. That man is just weird and frankly pretty fucking creepy.

"Are you okay?" he asks as we pull up to his parent's house.

I turn to look at him, "Yeah. I guess I am a little nervous about what Jenks is going to say today."

He sighs and nods, "I am too but we will deal with it together."

When we walk in we hear a heated discussion going on in the den. Carlisle is arguing with someone. Edward and I look at each other confused. Hell, I didn't think there was anyone brave enough to argue with Daddy C. As we walk further into the room we see Carlisle, Jenks, and Esme. Esme is looking over some documents that are on the table. She is frowning and then looks up at us, giving us a small smile, as she gets up and walks over to us.

"Come in and sit down." She says as she hugs us both.

Edward and I sit on the couch and he quickly pulls my hand into his.

"What's wrong Carlisle?" I say as I watch him wash his hands over his face, looking irritated. He shakes his head and motions to Jenks.

"I ran checks on the five people you mentioned." Jenks says pulling out his notepad.

"This Stephan Aro is a piece of work. He is working at a hospital in Oregon. Apparently he hasn't learned from his experience here because he is still fucking around. Aside from a few affairs he hasn't been out here and doesn't seem to care about anything except moving on with his pathetic life."

I sigh. I can't believe that asshole is still taking advantage of woman. Why would anyone hire him in the first place? Jenks picks up a few pictures he took and then hands them to Edward and me.

"Riley is not a threat at all. As far as I can tell he is just going to school and trying to fuck whoever will let him. He doesn't seem to have a concern about anything else at the moment."

He laughs when he picks up some pictures of Jake.

"From what I can tell this Dr. Black has no life at all. Apparently his girlfriend moved back to the reservation and he is still by himself. He gets off of work, goes home and then comes back out for work. The only extracurricular activity I can see that he has is calling a 'service' once a week." He wags his eyebrows when he says service and I grin. Fucking Jake. Well, I told him not to fuck with me. I don't feel sorry for him. Not after the way he treated Edward. He deserves to be miserable.

Jenks looks over at Carlisle who is pacing back and forth.

"Mike seems to be a different story however. He makes and receives several calls nightly to one of those throw away phones so I can't trace it. The only thing I can ascertain about the phone is that it originated in the Seattle area. The last time I followed him six months ago," he looks at me, "he was pretty uneventful. He had no unusual expenses, no unusual calls. Just a typical boring business man but now…" He looks back at Carlisle who is frowning considerably.

"He is definitely up to something. When I checked his bank records he has made some large cash deposits over the last several months and yesterday he went in and withdrew a large sum of money. More than would be necessary for everyday expenses. I then followed him to a Verizon store but he doesn't have Verizon service so I would assume he also picked up one of those pay as you go phones which means I won't be able to track his calls anymore. He made several stops throughout the day including a real estate agent, a large department store and a postal service place."

He taps his pen on his notepad.

"He knows what I look like so I couldn't get too close in the stores to see what he was purchasing. My guess is with all the cash he had on him he didn't use credit cards to pay for his items which means, once again I can't track his purchases. He has upped his security at his house so I wasn't able to get in that day and when I was able to whatever he had purchased was already gone as were the receipts. Whatever he is doing he is covering his tracks."

He looks at Carlisle again. Carlisle looks so pissed. In fact he looks angrier than I have seen him in a while.

"How do you want me to handle him?" Jenks asks Carlisle. All the smart ass bravado is gone. He knows whatever is going on is serious.

"I'm deciding. Tell them what else you found out." He says crossly.

Jenks hands us some pictures and my heart drops immediately. It is pictures of James in what looks like Phoenix. He still looks the same just older I guess. My breathing immediately starts to escalate and I can feel sweat forming on my brow. My heart feels like it is beating out of my chest. I drop the pictures and they scatter on the floor. Everything feels like it is in slow motion and then I just feel like I am not connected to my body anymore. My eyes flutter closed and I just feel like I am lost.

_I hear movement outside my door. It's late, close to midnight I would guess._

"_Renee, I don't want that bitch here."_

"_Where is she supposed to go?"_

"_I don't give a shit."_

_My door swings open and I close my eyes tight, hoping that if he thinks I am asleep that he will bypass me. His heavy footsteps seem to echo in the room and the cold air startles me as the blanket is strewn on the floor. He grabs me by the hair, jerking me out of the bed, dragging me out of the bedroom._

"_James, please. I…" Mom begs_

"_Shut the fuck up." He says grabbing her face with his free hand and pushing her out of the way._

_He drags me through the house until he reaches the back door. He stares at mom seeing if she will argue with him or try to stop him. When she doesn't he grins and opens the door, tossing me out onto the porch._

"_You don't move from this spot bitch." he sneers at me as he slams the door shut._

_There is a loud sound against the door._

"_Don't you ever tell me what to do." His voice is filled with evil and disdain. _

_I coil up against the door, softly crying into the night and hearing the tell-tale signs of the violence going on inside. Maybe it is better I am out here._

"Bella." he is whispering close to me.

I feel his warmth against my skin, his gentle touch. I can also feel his alarm and worry emanating from him. I exhale loudly and cry out. He moves his arms around me as he holds me tightly. He is crying and I reach out for him, needing him as much as he needs me.

"I can't do this." I sob.

"Shhh, baby, I'm here. It's okay." He is talking softly to me.

I look at him with panic and fear on my face.

"I want to go home." I am crying desperately, "I want to go home." Why isn't he moving? "Please, baby I want to go home."

He just pulls me into his arms and holds me close against his chest.

"Okay." he says meekly.

"No." Carlisle says loudly, "We need to make some decisions. Neither of you are leaving."

"Carlisle… Stop!" Esme says forcefully, getting up and walking over to us. She kneels down and touches my face.

"I know that it is difficult to see him. But you are NOT a little girl anymore. You are NOT the same person you were back then." She runs her hand down my face. "You are one of the strongest women I have ever met, you don't let anyone dictate your life, don't let James in again."

I am breathing heavily, watching her. She is right. I need to know what's going on, we need to make sure everything is okay. I nod my head slightly and she smiles, the same breathtaking smile that Edward has and a part of me is reassured by it. Carlisle resumes his pacing as Jenks clears his throat.

"James is living in Phoenix. Now this cat," He taps his picture, "This cat is as shady as they come. He isn't working but apparently had a lot of money stashed before he went to prison. He has several banks that he visits but no actual accounts, just safe deposit boxes. I have estimated that he has several million dollars dispersed within the many safe deposit accounts he has. He doesn't use credit cards and doesn't fly anywhere from what I can tell. He is meeting with his parole officer every week and according to him he is a 'model' citizen which I highly doubt."

"So he isn't behind this?" I am relieved but at the same time I kind of thought he had something to do with it.

"I can't be sure of that but right now he isn't my biggest concern. He doesn't seem to leave Phoenix, but Mike, Mike I am concerned about. He is up to something, I just wasn't on him long enough to find out what."

"But Mike is a piece of shit, I barely know him." I say confused.

"This is about me. He wants to hurt me by going after you." Edward says beside me, pulling me closer to him.

"He hates you that much?" This doesn't make any sense what so ever.

Edward shrugs and looks at his dad.

"What are you going to do dad?"

"Mike is clearly working with someone. I will keep a close eye on him. I am going to assign him to the Carter account. He will have to check in with me more often but…"

"So he gets a promotion?" Edward says angrily as he cuts Carlisle off, "That's your solution?"

"Edward I need to keep an eye on him, he will slip up but if I let him go now I won't be able to track him." He starts pacing again and then stops suddenly "I'll be damned if that little bastard tries to hurt my family. But I need to know who is behind this. That, son, is the bigger issue."

I bring my head down between my legs, trying to make sense of everything.

"So do you want me on Mike or on her?" Jenks asks nonchalant.

"Stay on Mike. I will hire someone to watch Bella." Carlisle says looking at him.

God! My head hurts. This is too fucking much. I don't know what to do anymore. I look up at Edward who is watching his father. His brow is furrowed and he looks worried.

"Excuse me." I say getting up and practically sprinting into the bathroom.

The minute I get in there I spill the contents of my lunch into the toilet. I start crying again. This is so unreal. Haven't I already been through enough shit in my life? Hasn't James caused me enough pain to last forever? Am I not entitled to some sort of fucking happiness and joy? I hear a knock.

"Give me a minute." I choke out.

"Isabella." I hear Esme say worriedly through the door.

I sigh and open the door, letting her in. She takes a look at my face and snatches a washcloth off the rack, wetting it before placing it on my forehead. I sit down on the toilet seat as she rubs my shoulders.

"It is very natural to have a visceral reaction to seeing the man who caused you so much pain." She moves my hair away from my face as I cry softly, my breathing erratic, and my heart racing, "Our body remembers the fear, the sadness, and the confusion. It reacts as we did back then. It's like our body goes into fight or flight. It forgets that we aren't in that same situation anymore." She gently strokes my hair, just like Edward does, "You are so brave Isabella. I know this is extremely hard for you."

The more she talks the calmer I seem to become. She moves her hand to my back, letting her fingers move up and down as she gently hums to me.

"When you saw those pictures was that the first time you have seen him since the incident that put you in the hospital?" She asks a few minutes later.

"I haven't seen him since we went to court."

"When you fainted did you have a memory of him?" she asks, moving her hand up to my shoulders and moving them back and forth.

I nod again, "One night they were arguing and my mom asked him if he could try to be nicer to me. Be more of a father." I take a deep breath, "His response was to drag me out of my bed at midnight, throwing me outside and making me sleep on the porch all night."

I close my eyes, remembering vividly how scared I was. It was cold and I didn't have a blanket. I was so worried I would find her dead when I was allowed in the house the next morning. She wasn't of course. But things changed after that. I realize now that she never tried to argue with him again. I guess maybe she was hoping if she did what he said he would leave me alone. God! I wish it had been that simple.

"You know that he was a sick man right?" She says bringing me out of my thoughts, "That none of the things he did were about you but about his need to control your mother."

"Yeah, Dr. Jackson keeps telling me that too."

"Well she's a smart lady." She says smiling, "Would you like to call her?"

I shake my head. "No it's okay. I'm not going to call her every time I have a meltdown."

"Well, in our profession we are used to meltdowns." she says nudging me slightly.

"I suppose so." I say as I look up at her "Is Edward freaked out?"

"He is worried about you. You scared him but I explained it was a normal response." She moves a stray hair out of my face. "I was serious when I said that we would protect you and take care of you. We will do everything in our power to keep you safe."

"I know." I look down, "I really thought James was behind this. Why would anyone want to hurt Edward? He is the sweetest and most compassionate man on the planet. He would never hurt anyone. I don't understand."

"Well, I have a feeling it has more to do with Carlisle than Edward. Carlisle has made enemies along the way. He was a bit reckless when we met which came in handy in his business." she lets out a deep breath "But I know that he did not make it as far as he has without stepping on some people in the process." I look up at her and her eyes are closed.

"I'm sorry Esme." Of course I am not sure why I am sorry but she looks sad and that makes me feel bad.

She opens her eyes and smiles, "Carlisle was never perfect but I have loved him from the day we met. I will have to tell you about that one day. It's a funny story." She puts her arm around my shoulder, "Carlisle won't let anyone harm our family. Of that you can be certain."

She opens the door and walks me into the hallway. Edward is leaning against the wall. His eyes are red and he has a look of sorrow on his face. I feel the tears under the surface again and immediately walk to him, wrapping my arms around his waist and resting my head against his chest.

"Take me home baby." I whisper

He kisses me lightly on the top of my head and nods.

* * *

><p>Work was dreadful today. I was so busy; we had a few accidents which meant emergency surgery. I had to stay a few extra hours because of it. Of course it was probably good in the sense that I didn't have a lot of time to think about all the shit going on around me. I didn't even bother changing when I left the hospital. I just grabbed my clothes and left in my scrubs.<p>

I had texted Edward earlier today to let him know I was going to be late so he wouldn't be worried but I know he probably was. We had both been quiet all the way home from his parents. I didn't have a lot of time before I had to leave for work so we didn't have any time to talk about all the things happening. We will need to do that tonight or tomorrow morning.

The house feels weird. Like there is some strange vibe in it or something. I walk into the bedroom and he is lying on my side of the bed and there is something on his side of the bed. It is dark and the only light is from the nightstand. I walk over to the bed to see what it is and let out a sharp breath. There are pictures and documents scattered all over the bed. I start picking them up realizing very quickly that they are pictures and documents from when I left him. I see myself from when I first went into the hospital in Chicago…Fuck I look bad! My commitment orders are there basically saying I was crazy and there are pictures of me staring outside the window of the hospital in Jacksonville. My God! How did they even get this information? Man… That Jenks is fucking creepy but obviously very good at what he does. Well I guess we know what they took from the old place. I remember that both Edward and Rosalie said that Emmett had the packet that Jenks gave to Carlisle. That must have been what they were looking for and trashing the place was just a distraction for us. Well, it worked because none of us thought to see if it was still there.

I set all the photos and documents on the nightstand and sit on the bed. I notice he has his hand tightly gripping a piece of paper. I sigh. He doesn't look like he is resting very peacefully. His brow is furrowed and his face just looks worn with worry. I gently brush his hair out of his face and trace his jaw with my fingertips. He moans softly and then opens his eyes slowly.

"Baby," I swallow, "I thought we agreed that neither one of us was to open anything without the other one present."

He doesn't say anything but closes his eyes, breathing in deeply.

I touch his fisted hand, "What's this honey?"

I move my fingers around his. He opens his eyes and sits up, looking at me weary and troubled.

"Let me see it honey." I say firmly.

He unclenches his fist and I pull a paper from his hand. It is plain white typing paper with large block letters that says **YOU CANNOT PREVENT THIS**. Hmmm… I suppose they are telling him that they are going to make me like that again. I set it on top of the other documents and look back at him.

"Baby I love you. I was a different person then. I would never be like that again. They want you to doubt yourself. They want to hurt you."

"Turn it over." He says hoarsely.

I furrow my brow and turn back to the nightstand, picking up the crumpled page. I flip the page over, gasping when I read what it says.

**WHEN I KILL YOU**

I drop it quickly and stare at him. Panic envelopes me. Oh God! They just threatened him. I can't even think. I look back at the stack of papers and pictures and then at him. He shakes his head at me and grabs my face.

"Stop." He says forcing me to look at him.

"Did you call your dad? Does he know about this?"

He nods and kisses me softly, lying me down on the bed, "It's going to be okay. Please don't worry."

How can he possibly tell me not to worry? He takes a couple of very quick breaths before he pulls my scrub pants off, then my panties. He looks at me with such love in his eyes that I want to believe him. I want to believe that everything will be okay. I sit up and he slips my scrub top off, unsnapping my bra as he lays me back down. He gently runs his fingers over my breasts and moves them down until his fingers are gently tracing over my tattoo. He leans down and starts kissing the outline of my tattoo, looking up at me from under his lashes.

"My heart and soul will always be yours." He whispers, repeating what I have written there.

I reach my hands for him and he comes willingly. Our mouths find each other, desperate for reassurance. He lines himself up to me and enters me slowly.

"I love you so much." He swallows as he kisses my lips. He pulls his mouth away from me quickly, looking at me intently, "Promise me that if something happens to me that you won't end up like that again."

I feel tears streaming down my face, "I can't make that promise."

He closes his eyes tightly, shaking his head.

"Bella… please." He pleads.

"If you die, I die. There is no other way for me."

"Bella… Oh God! Please don't say that."

I run my fingers down his back and over his ass, pushing him against me. He rocks his hips into me, kissing me again. I won't fathom a life without him. If something happens to him I know I couldn't survive it and even if I did it would be no life at all. I would be nothing again and I'm sorry but that just doesn't work for me. I won't let that happen.

* * *

><p><strong>AN… Hmmm… So Mike…yeah, what can I say, he's a bastard! But, I don't know. These two are always so extreme. Lots of things happening and lots of things to think about. **

**As always…hook me up with a review, let me know what you're thinking **


	49. Ch 48: Fear and Loathing

**Rating: M- For lemons (lots of them), language and situations. So this means if you're under 16 please be responsible for yourself.**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer is the sole owner of the world of Twilight. I am just having a little harmless fun with her characters.**

**So, since this is a holiday for me (Martin Luther King, Jr. Day) I thought I would hook you all up with an extra chapter. So if you're off enjoy and if you're not SORRY!**

**Once again thank you to my amazing Beta's A & C for your guidance, encouragement & support. Your supply of Xanax is on the way! I have posted some pictures for this chapter so check out the blog for those. The song I picked for this chapter is from the Breaking Dawn soundtrack. Ha! That's a big surprise huh? But seriously, I picked it because it has this feel of someone putting their own fears aside to comfort someone else which is basically where Bella finds herself, an unusual spot for Bella, putting someone else's needs above her own.**

**So, lots of things happening for our two lovebirds. Things are definitely heating up!**

* * *

><p>Heart beats fast, colors and promises, how to be brave<br>How can I love when I'm afraid to fall? But watching you stand alone  
>All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow, one step closer<p>

I have died everyday waiting for you, darlin' don't be afraid  
>I have loved you for a thousand years; I'll love you for a thousand more<p>

Time stands still, beauty I know she is, I will be brave  
>I will not let anything take away what's standing in front of me<br>Every breath, every hour has come to this, one step closer

I have died everyday waiting for you, darlin' don't be afraid  
>I have loved you for a thousand years; I'll love you for a thousand more<p>

And all along I believed I would find you  
>Time has brought your heart to me<br>I have loved you for a thousand years; I'll love you for a thousand more

A Thousand Years by Christina Perri

**Chapter 48: Fear and Loathing**

**BPOV**

I open my eyes slowly, feeling the warmth of his body tightly wrapped around me. We don't always fall asleep in this spooning position but we almost always wake up in it. The steady rhythm of his heart has been lulling me in and out of sleep all night. I have been restless and probably slept maybe 4 or 5 hours total which I know is not good and can trigger my insomnia which in turn fucks up my emotions. That's all I need with everything else going on. Being a walking emotional zombie freaking out all over the place is not a pretty sight. My mind has been twisting and turning. I keep seeing the look on Edward's face when I got home early this morning. I know that the documents collected by Jenks probably tore him up inside and that note. Fuck! I can't let anything happen to him.

He nuzzles his head into the rat's nest that is my hair and breathes in deeply as he slowly moves his hands over my body. I smile as I feel his cock twitch against my ass. He brings his hand over my hips and pulls me closer to him, rubbing his arousal between my cheeks, and moaning sexily into my neck.

"You know you can't go there without a condom."

I feel his smile against me, "I know baby. I wasn't going to." He says nibbling at my neck and moving his cock lower, parting my legs slightly so he can enter me.

"I love you Isabella."

"I love you too."

I close my legs, tightening our connection and moaning as he moves in and out of me.

"You always feel so good." He says huskily.

"Edward." I whimper as he continues to pump into me, kissing my neck.

When we hear the knock on the door we stop momentarily. Who would be coming here on a Sunday morning? Well whoever it is can wait. I'm getting my morning sex.

"Don't stop baby, they can wait." I say, greedy for him.

He continues to pump into me when his phone starts ringing. Fuck!

"Edward, don't fucking stop." I say sternly.

"I won't baby. Fuck! I can't." He breathes heavily as he continues to move his cock in and out of me at a delightfully slow pace, letting me savor him filling me over and over again.

There is a loud sound in the living room which causes us to lose our rhythm briefly but we still don't actually stop. What the fuck was that? We hear footsteps in the living room and can tell they are approaching the hallway towards our room. Now that definitely makes us stop immediately. Edward holds me still and pulls out of me.

"They're in here." A deep voice says that I don't recognize.

Edward leaps out of the bed, grabbing his jeans and pulling them on quickly just as some humongous man walks in with Carlisle behind him.

"What the hell?" Edward says exasperated. "You can't just barge in on people."

Carlisle looks both relieved and irritated as he steps past the man in front of him so that he is now standing face to face with Edward.

"We knocked." His dad says, not fazed by Edward's apparent anger. "Why didn't you answer your phone?" He asks with furrowed brows.

"We were busy." Edward responds sarcastically as I pull the blankets even further over me, glancing at this huge man with Daddy C.

Carlisle glances at me and then stares back at Edward. Edward is only in his jeans and based on the stunned look on Carlisle's face I don't believe he knew that Edward had his nipples pierced.

"Don't get smart with me Edward. You could have been lying here dead for all I knew. You can't tell me that someone threatened to kill you and not expect me to react. Now, go put some clothes on and come into the living room." Carlisle says turning around and motioning for the man in the doorway to follow him.

Edward walks to the bed, a slight frown on his face as he sits down next to me. He kisses me lightly on the lips a few times, sucking my bottom lip into his mouth.

"Sorry we didn't get to finish." He says as he releases my lip.

I reach my hand into his wild hair, pulling his mouth back to mine and kissing him deeply. He moans and slips his hand under the bed covers over my breast, tweaking my nipple before slipping his hands further down and letting his fingers enter where his cock should be right now. He moves them in and out of me several times before we hear Carlisle from the living room.

"Edward, Bella… You're going to make me late which does not make me happy." Carlisle says impatiently.

I sigh and stop Edward's ministrations. "We need to stop. He already sounds annoyed." I say hesitantly.

Edward groans exaggeratedly and gets up, grabbing a t-shirt from the closet. I sit up and pull on my scrubs from last night and walk over to him. He smiles at me as he takes my hand in his and walks us to the living room. Damn you Daddy C, making me miss out on my morning sexin'. When we walk into the room Carlisle motions for us to sit down and I take a moment to examine this monstrous man in here. He's taller than Edward so he has to be pushing 6'7" or 6'8" with broad shoulders. He is wearing a suit but I can still tell that he is bulky. Now, I know absolutely nothing about working out but damn this man's arms are bigger than Emmett's. When he shifts I notice his gun. Holy shit! My eyes widen and I know he must catch my stunned expression because he smirks slightly.

"Isabella." Carlisle says and I force my eyes away from this stranger and look at Carlisle.

"This is Felix. He will be your bodyguard until we can figure out who is behind this and what they want."

I turn to the huge man in my room. So he has a name. He nods at me but doesn't speak. I turn back to Carlisle.

"Does he speak or is he just supposed to look menacing?" I ask jokingly but partly serious.

Edward squeezes my hand but I am not sure if it is to tell me that he agrees with me or if he is telling me to stop being a smart ass. Carlisle laughs.

"Of course he speaks. He has been working for me for five years now and I trust him completely. He has a license to carry a concealed weapon and is trained in jujitsu and taekwondo. In addition, he is an ex-marine so he is more than capable of looking out for you."

"What about Edward?" I ask quickly.

Carlisle frowns and looks at Edward, "Did you talk to Emmett and Jasper already?"

I turn to Edward and he is looking at Carlisle with a serious expression on his face.

"Yes, since this is my last week of classes Jasper is going to hang out with me for a couple of days and Emmett will hang out with me the other days."

"That isn't protection son."

"I don't need protection, Bella does. If I am with someone then I doubt anyone is going to do anything. Besides Emmett is a big guy, no one is going to mess with him."

"But what about what the note said. They threatened you." I say with an edge of panic.

"I will have Jasper or Emmett with me most of the time and the rest of the time I will be with you and you'll have him." He says motioning towards Felix. "You are the one I am worried about."

I glance at Carlisle, "Is he going to the hospital with me as well?"

"Yes, of course Isabella. I have already cleared it with Dr. Meyers."

"He can't have a gun in the hospital."

Carlisle frowns, "Isabella, do not fight me on this."

"I'm not." I huff and glance at Felix, "So you are just going to follow me around?"

He grins, "No… you are going to follow me."

Oh for crying out loud.

"Look Ms. Swan, Mr. Cullen has hired me to protect you and I will. You just go about your day and I will make sure no one comes near you."

Carlisle looks at his watch and stands up. "I need to get to the office."

And with that Carlisle walks out the door, leaving the three of us in the room, staring at one another. I glance at a large bag near the door which I assume is his things. Well if he is staying here this is going to be weird. I guess no spontaneous fucking in my own damn house anymore. Not that I care if Felix watches but somehow I don't think Edward will like that very much. Man, I need some coffee.

"Do you drink coffee?" I ask Felix.

"I do." Is all he says as he stares at me, smirking.

I look at Edward and he shrugs. I shake my head and get up to make a pot. Man, this is going to be a long fucking day. Edward comes up behind me, moving real close so that I can feel his still hard cock.

"I am going to take a shower and get rid of this." He whispers in my ear as he rotates his hips against me. "Unless…" he rotates again and adds a thrust for good measure, "you would like to relieve this with me." I nod and moan simultaneously. "That's what I was hoping for." He says as he walks away.

I glance at Felix but he isn't looking at us. He has a book in his hand. Where did he get that? I wonder what a guy like him would be reading. He must sense that I am watching him because he looks over at me.

"I am going to go shower. Help yourself to coffee when it's done. The cups are in the cupboard above the coffee maker. Creamer is in the fridge and the sugar is near the pot."

He nods, "After you two are done we will go over a few things."

I frown, "Like what?"

He sets the book down and stares at me, "I believe Mr. Cullen is waiting for you. Do you really want to stand here and discuss the protection protocol?"

I stare at him for a moment.

"NO!" I say with a huff and turn around, heading to the bathroom to Edward and my morning sex that was so rudely interrupted by Daddy C and his hired thug.

* * *

><p>The rest of the week was rather uneventful. Felix went with us everywhere. It turns out that the 'protocol' as he called it involved him securing wherever I went before I even went in there which included the hospital. He patrolled the hallways while I was in surgery or on rounds and sat with me while I was on break. He won't let me drive; we must use his vehicle all the time. He won't let me in the house without running a 'sweep' as he calls it and he sleeps in my living room. Yeah that sucks big time because it has definitely put a damper on mine and Edward's sex life. Now the hospital has truly been interesting as several of the nurses have asked about HBG, my hot body guard as they have now dubbed him. They seem to think it is unfair that I get to fuck Edward and get to look at Felix all day. Whatever! They can have him. I want my freedom back.<p>

"Hey Swan." Rosalie says coming up to me from behind the nurse station.

I smile and hug her, "Hey."

"You alright."

"Yeah… Just wish they could figure this shit out. I like HBG but damn he is cramping my style if ya know what I mean."

She laughs, "Are you telling me public sex is not in the protocol?"

"Apparently not… Can you believe that?" I say smirking, knowing that Felix can hear us. I had vented earlier about Felix's protocol and how annoying it was.

"Do you have plans this weekend?"

I glance over at Felix, "I don't know. HBG, do we have plans? Do I get weekends off for good behavior?"

He frowns at me, "No you don't get weekends off. Are you and Mr. Cullen planning to go somewhere?"

I turn back to Rosie and shrug.

"Let's do something." She says animatedly.

"We need to. Edward has been real moody lately."

"He's not worried about you spending so much time with HBG is he?"

"No, he knows I won't do anything and he has said he feels more secure knowing that I am protected. I don't know. I think he is just afraid. He keeps saying it 'feels' weird, like something bad is about to happen but he can't figure it out."

"Damn! That sounds kind of ominous."

"I know." I say looking down.

"Well, let's go to a club or something. Edward is done with school, we are both off. We all need to let off some steam."

I nod, "Yeah… that sounds like a good idea."

* * *

><p>Felix was NOT happy about our plans. He kept complaining that clubs are difficult to secure and that he wouldn't be able to properly watch us AND the environment. Finally Edward had enough and just told him to deal with it because we were going out whether he liked it or not. Man that was fucking sexy as hell and I had immediately pulled him into the bedroom and fucked him against the door. Loudly I might add. Take that HBG!<p>

Well, HBG did deal with it. He told us when we emerged from our bedroom tryst that he got approval from Mr. Cullen to hire extra men to watch the club for anyone suspicious while he kept an eye on us. We had wanted to go to Trinity again but Felix put his foot down and said no way, that there are too many levels to that place and it would be impossible to secure it. So after careful consideration, okay a long ass debate between HBG and Rosalie, we settled on a smaller club called Heaven. Rosalie was content as long as HBG secured the loft and let us be. He made some calls and came back a few minutes later indicating he was able to do that. Of course Rosalie rented a limo again; apparently Emmett has a serious thing about them. So after another long ass debate Felix agreed to follow behind us versus making Edward and I ride with him as long as the driver passed a background check.

God! Who knew going to a club would be such a damn chore. I decided on a gold sequin dress with black peep toe heels and Edward is wearing black jeans, a yellow button down shirt completely unbuttoned with a white V-neck t-shirt underneath. And HBG, well, he is in typical attire, black business suit. I don't know how he plans on getting into a club with weapons on him but he seems to think he will be able to.

"Bella… I swear I am going to kill HBG!" Rosalie says with agitation when we get into the limo.

"Why? What did he do now?"

"He already did a background check on the driver but he still made him get out of the car and patted him down, then checked the front for any weapons."

I frown, "I know, I know. I'm sorry."

"Who's HBG?" Jasper asks confused.

Rosalie turns to him but motions to me, "Bella's Hot Body Guard."

Alice immediately starts giggling but Jasper frowns and looks at Edward who just shrugs his shoulders. He knows that's what the nurses at the hospital call him. He doesn't care as long as I don't call him that. Well, I do call him that in my head a lot but that's only because Felix is a stupid name. He doesn't look like a Felix to me. And when I say it out load I just make sure I don't do it around Edward.

When we arrive at the club HBG makes us stay in the limo as he walks over to talk to several very large men who I would assume are also body guards. Seriously, who is going to do anything at a club? He then motions for us to come out of the limo as people in the line stare at us. They probably think we are movie stars or something. He leads us to the loft which is really nice. It overlooks the dance floor like Trinity but it has sofas and chairs as well, sort of like a living room, nice. The whole section is blocked off which means all those poor people hoping to get here early to get one of these sections is shit out of luck. Felix sits inside the loft area with us just further away allowing for some privacy while he has one guard on each entrance. As I look over the railing I see two of the other men walking along either side of the dance floor. Rosalie leans over the railing and sees what I see and just rolls her eyes.

"Bella, I love you girl but I am going to need a drink if you want me to get through this night without decking someone."

I sigh, "I know. It's okay. Just don't drink whiskey alright?"

"You got it girl." She says hugging my shoulder.

She takes Emmett's hand and leads him past the guard and heads towards the bar. Edward pulls me down onto his lap, kissing me deeply. When we pull away from each other we both are grinning. We haven't been out since the fourth so this night out is definitely needed. We hang out in the loft for the first hour or so until more people enter the club. Rose has had a few drinks and is tipsy but not drunk. Jasper and Emmett have been great this past week with Edward but I think they are starting to think they are actually body guards or something because every so often one or both of them is scanning the crowd as if HBG needs any more assistance.

"No fucking way!" Emmett says loudly as he stands up and walks over to the rail looking over it. Jasper frowns and gets up as well.

"I don't believe this guy." Jasper practically growls.

Edward and I look at each other and then get up, peeking over the railing just as Mike looks up at us, smirking. He raises his glass to the two of us and then downs it quickly. Bastard! I don't hear HBG move but apparently he did because when I glance back to where he was sitting he isn't there but is at the other end of the railing talking into his Bluetooth as one of the guards downstairs approaches Mike. I can't hear what they're saying but Mike looks pissed. He looks up at us again, glaring, and I smirk as I wave bye and flip him off. Edward pulls me back to the couch and holds me close to him. I can feel his heart racing again.

"Baby… Mike is nothing."

"Stop saying that Bella. He's not nothing, he's a part of all this. You need to stop minimizing the danger he represents."

I sigh and move so I can look at him. "He's taunting you… us." He shakes his head as I nod, "He won't come between us. I won't let anything come between us."

He takes a deep breath and I run my fingers gently along his jaw and over his lips. I kiss him softly whispering how much I love him and need him. Gradually his heart rate and breathing normalizes. He pulls me close to him again, tenderly kissing my shoulder. I run my hand up the nape of his neck, playing with the hair that is there and then grip it tightly pulling his head back. I smirk at him.

"Stop worrying baby. Everything is going to be okay."

He grins and then nods, "Do you want to dance?"

I practically leap off of him and as we start to walk towards the entrance I turn back to HBG.

"You gonna come dance with us HBG?" Oh shit! I said that out loud, and when Edward raises his eyebrow at me I smile sheepishly, "Sorry baby."

"Hmmm." He says as he kisses my forehead.

We hear HBG chuckle as he follows behind us. He doesn't go on the dance floor. Thank God! That would definitely be a bit odd. We laugh and dance for a long time, grinding and touching one another and eventually making out heavily on the dance floor. When Rosalie jokes that we should take our show upstairs I grin at Edward who smiles naughtily at me and takes my hand leading me back up to the loft.

He drops down on the couch and I immediately straddle his lap as we resume our make out session. He continues to run his hands all over my body, gently caressing my bare thighs as I grind against the bulge in his jeans. I start nibbling on his ear as he places his hands on my ass directing my movement and moaning loudly.

"God baby I want you so bad." I whisper roughly against his lips.

I reach my hand down to his jeans, unsnapping them and moving the zipper down quickly.

"Bella hold on." He says motioning his head towards where HBG is.

"I don't care." I say as I pull him out of his jeans, running my thumb around his head.

He swallows, "Bella" he says with less conviction.

I stop moving and tug on his cock, "Does he decide for us or do we decide for us?" I run my thumb across his tip spreading his pre-cum around his head as I bring my mouth to his, sucking on his tongue while his eyes flutter closed. I hungrily attack his jaw line, nibbling up and down and end back at his lips.

"I want to fuck you Edward, right here, right now."

He growls and pierces my mouth with his tongue as he reaches underneath my dress and eagerly moves my panties aside, guiding me onto his waiting cock. We start moaning and grunting as I continue to move my body up and down on him. He is breathing heavily as we take each other in. I start moving quicker on him, grinding against him every time I come down so that fucktastic happy trail of his is rubbing against me deliciously. From the dance floor you can't really see us. All you can really tell is that we are making out but HBG and the two other guards know exactly what we are doing.

"Fuck baby. I'm so fucking close." Edward groans between labored breaths.

He grabs my ass and starts slamming me against him harder. He closes his eyes tightly as small beads of sweat start forming on his forehead. We continue to moan and groan against each other, excited and aroused by our very public display.

"Fuck baby, yes, yes, yes, yes!" I squeal into his neck as I find my release.

He does that sexy moan cry he has as he thrusts one last time before exploding inside of me. He holds me still as I clench and release my walls around his cock, prolonging his orgasm and causing him to shudder. When his body finally relaxes I bring my mouth back to his and kiss him softly before he rests his head against the back of the sofa. I smile because he has his eyes closed and he is sporting that lazy grin he always gets on his face after we have had intense sex. Needless to say I see that look a lot. I lean over to the table and grab the napkin underneath my water. I pull off of him slightly and clean up before his cum soaks my panties. Don't want to be hanging out here all night with wet panties. Gross! But hot damn that napkin is freaking cold.

"You okay?" He asks not looking up.

"Yeah, why?"

He smiles, "Your whole body just shivered."

I laugh, "That's because this napkin is fucking cold." I say, depositing it into an empty cup.

He chuckles and pulls me back into his arms, holding me again until we hear a commotion and realize that the rest of the crew are now back in the loft. Rosalie looks at me knowingly and just grins while Emmett stares at Edward for a moment.

"What's wrong with you E? You look like you need a nap." Then a few seconds later he laughs hysterically. "No you guys didn't!" Then he quickly turns to Rosalie.

"Hey don't look at me, public sex is her thing not mine but don't worry we have the limo ALL night." She says running her hand down his chest.

"Hell yeah!" Emmett says flopping into a chair and pulling Rosalie onto his lap.

Alice gasps suddenly, recognition finally setting in. She walks over to Edward and slaps him on the arm, "Edward, did you just have sex up here?"

He opens his eyes and frowns at her, "Shorty… you didn't have to hit me but yes, we did. Bella started it. You gonna hit her too?" He says cocking his brow at her.

"Of course not… She might hit me back." She says smiling at me.

"Oh Alice I would never hit you. You're too cute. Besides you are the only person I know that sprinkles sunshine and happiness wherever you go." I say smiling at her.

At first she frowns and then grins slightly. "I'm not sure if that is a compliment or not but I am going to take it that way." She says plopping down on Jasper's lap.

"See, that's exactly what I'm talking about." I grin.

Everyone just starts laughing and joking with one another for the next several hours. Aside from the incident with Mike, which really wasn't an incident at all since he never came near us, the evening was perfect. It felt good to just have fun and not stress about all the stuff going on around us.

Edward and I decided that we would ride home in Felix's car since he will need to 'secure' the house before we are allowed inside and we didn't want our friends to have to wait while he did that. We are now sitting in the backseat, snuggling next to one another as we watch HBG do his thing. He always pulls his gun out and stealthy circles my unit making sure no one is outside and then enters the door slowly so he doesn't make any sounds. Then my guess is he goes to every room, looks in every cabinet and closet and checks under the bed. Okay, maybe he doesn't do all that but he is usually in there for a while so who knows.

"Tonight was great." I whisper as I lazily bring my hand underneath Edward's t-shirt, playing with his barbells.

He moans softly as I twist and turn them. I smile and then run my fingers along his stomach, slipping them into the band of his jeans. I seriously cannot get enough of this man. He brings his fingers underneath my chin, pulling my face up so that he can caress my lips with his tongue. We are so lost with one another that we don't even hear HBG approach. He is talking frantically into his Bluetooth.

"_Yeah, we have a problem." He says to someone on the other end._

"_No, they didn't go inside."_

What the fuck happened? Edward and I sit up, both of us staring at HBG in the front seat as he maneuvers his car out of my driveway.

"_I will take them to my place."_

His place? Holy shit! This is bad. I turn to Edward with panic clearly etched on my face.

"_I don't recommend that."_

Who the hell is he talking to and what doesn't he recommend?

_He sighs, "Sir, I can't secure a hotel on short notice and my place…" He stops talking for a moment, "Alright, hold on, I will give them the option."_

He glances at us in the rear view mirror.

"There was a break in at the apartment. It doesn't appear that anything was taken but a single black rose was left on the bed. You have the choice of either going to my place or Mr. Cullen's. Which would you prefer?"

Edward doesn't hesitate, "My parents." He says firmly and grabs my hand.

"_We're on our way Sir," he pauses for a moment, "Our ETA is approximately 20 minutes."_

"I don't have my medicine." My voice comes out weak as tears start to streak my face, realizing the enormity of the situation.

HBG doesn't say or do anything. I don't even know if he actually heard me. Hell, I could barely hear me.

"She doesn't have her meds for the morning. We need to go back." Edward says forcefully.

"No… WE don't need to go back. I will have her medicine by the morning. Right now I need to make sure the two of you are safe. I will go back to secure the residence and determine how someone got inside. Make a list of what you want and I will pick it up while I am there."

I stare at Edward and he pulls me close to him whispering that it will be okay. HBG doesn't say anything else the rest of the way to Edward's parent's house. It was the longest 20 minutes of my life. Carlisle is waiting for us when we pull up. HBG is out of the car quickly and immediately walks over to him. I am watching their interaction. Carlisle looks angry, as does HBG. Man I pity whoever this is cause between those two he will probably end up dead. Edward opens his door but I don't move.

"Baby?"

I turn to him, "Let's go inside, okay?" I nod as he helps me out of the car.

I take my heels off as we walk hand in hand to the house. Carlisle touches Edward's shoulder as we pass and Edward offers him a half smile. When we get inside Esme is waiting for us. She hugs us both tightly.

"Are you okay?" She says touching my cheek.

I shrug, "I could use a drink," I take a deep breath, "but water will do."

She smiles and walks away while Edward and I walk into their sitting room and sit down. Esme walks back in a few minutes later with two glasses of water with fresh lemon and limes in it over crushed ice. Geez, a bottled water would have sufficed. She smiles at us as she sits in one of the chairs. Carlisle and HBG walk in shortly after that.

"Jenks is on his way over." Carlisle is all business.

Now I understand what Esme was saying about Carlisle taking care of his family. Right now he looks like he is about to go off on someone. When he sees our worn expressions he takes a deep breath.

"We will figure this out and then Felix will go back to your place." He turns to me and leans down, almost eye level with me, "It's my understanding that your medicine is at the house." I nod at him and wipe a stray tear, "Felix will pick up anything you might need, okay?" I nod again and Edward pulls me close to him.

"Are you okay son?" There is softness in his voice now.

I am not looking at Edward but as soon as he asks the question I turn to him. Edward looks upset, angry even. I have never really seen Edward like this. I have seen him frustrated a few times but overall he is pretty even tempered and calm. Hell, I need that because I can get out of control very easily. But it's like all the worry and anxiety, all the fear and concern he has felt over the last month is morphing into something else within him.

"Mike was at the club tonight." He says through clenched teeth.

"I know. Jenks was following him. He didn't do this son."

"But he knows who did." His voice is filled with rage.

"Yes. I am sure of that." Carlisle says calmly.

"Then let's go talk to him and if he won't talk to us… we make him." Every muscle in Edward's body tightens up, ready to attack.

His dad sighs, "How do you plan on making him son? That's not who you are."

"Maybe it is." Edward spits back without hesitation.

Now his dad's expression changes and he straightens up, "No, it isn't. I won't allow…" He stops himself and takes a deep breath, "Son, I recognize you are upset but…"

Edward glares at him, "Upset. Oh Dad I am far from being upset."

They are both staring at each other and I am immediately reminded of when I first met Carlisle. This is how he looked then. God, what a cluster fuck this whole thing is. Carlisle breaks the stare down and stands up, pacing back and forth, running his hand through his hair until finally he stops, kneeling down in front of Edward.

"You need to let me handle this. I don't want your hands dirty and I don't want you hurt. I won't lose you and I won't let you become capable of the kind of rage I see in your eyes."

Edward blinks and leans back against the sofa.

"I know where that kind of rage leads son and I won't see you go there. Do you understand me?" He says vehemently.

Edward nods and closes his eyes. I place my hand over his heart, feeling the steadily increasing beat. After a few moments he places his hand over mine as his heart rate and breathing begin to regulate. He opens his eyes and looks at me. His face is filled with sadness as he leans down and kisses me gently before resting his forehead against mine.

"I love you." I whisper.

He kisses my forehead, "I love you too."

"Well… This asshole Mike left the club around 10:30 after your men gave him the boot." Jenks says walking into the sitting room. He glances around the room and flips his notebook shut as he assesses the situation. After staring at us all for an instant he walks over to the table and downs Edward's untouched water. God! This guy is just too fucking weird.

"Go on." Carlisle says, motioning with his hand for him to continue.

"He made a call from the prepaid phone around 11:00. He talked for about 10 minutes to whoever was on the other line and then he drove to a bar near his house and left with your secretary." He says, motioning to Carlisle who frowns. I chuckle at the fact that Jessica finds him so interesting when he is clearly a fucking loser.

"They went to his house and she is still there. But that's not unusual. Whenever she comes over she spends the night. My guess is he was planning on meeting Ms. Stanley at the bar but went to the club first just to cause a scene, set up an alibi so that we would all be looking elsewhere while this other person broke into the place."

"When I go back tonight I will determine how they got in. It isn't safe for them to be there." HBG says to Carlisle and Jenks.

"Agreed." Carlisle says glancing at the two of us, "I am not sure how long you need to stay away from the apartment but you can stay here as long as you like or I can book a room at a hotel for you. I just need to know if you have a preference and Felix can arrange for security."

Edward looks down at me, "What do you want to do baby?"

I sigh and look down. What I want is to go home but obviously that isn't going to happen. Do I really want to stay here? Edward and I can be pretty loud. I don't care if HBG hears us but somehow having Esme and Daddy C hear us doesn't sit right with me. Fuck!

"Can we stay at the Edgewater?" I ask Edward softly.

He smiles and runs his fingers down my face and over my lips, "Of course, whatever you want." He says lovingly. He turns to Carlisle but he is already on his phone.

"_Yes this is Carlisle Cullen. I am a long standing patron of your hotel. Do you know who I am?" he pauses for a moment, "Good. I need to reserve a suite beginning tomorrow." He listens for a few minutes. _

"_That's fine. It is indefinite for now." More listening _

"_Charge everything to my account." Even more waiting _

"_That's fine. I need to speak with your manager." More waiting _

"_Yes, this is Carlisle Cullen. I have a security issue that needs to be addressed. I am giving you to the head of my security detail. He has complete authorization to do as he sees fit for the protection of my son and his girlfriend. Provide him with whatever he needs or I will take my business elsewhere. Do we understand each other?" Carlisle does not mince words._

He hands the phone to Felix who immediately starts rambling off all kinds of things related to entrances, services, background checks, etc. I sigh. This is so fucking complicated. My head hurts just thinking about it. I reposition myself and lay my head on Edward's lap, curling my legs up on the couch. Yeah, damn it, I am sticking my head in the fucking sand cause this whole thing sucks! Edward starts stroking my hair and before I know it I am asleep.

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><p><strong>AN…. Man oh man… The plot thickens. Soooo, what do you think of HBG? And, damn what about the club? Want to make a bet those other bodyguards had to 'relieve' themselves shortly after that detail….LOL… so, hmmm, off to the Edgewater again :-) Now, make sure to check out the blog for pics of HBG and the Club.**

**Okay folks… you know the drill, send me a review. Let me know your thoughts and theories. See you on Friday!**


	50. Ch 49: A Storm is Coming

**Rating: M- For lemons (lots of them), language and situations. So this means if you're under 16 please be responsible for yourself.**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer is the sole owner of the world of Twilight. I am just having a little harmless fun with her characters.**

**Once again thank you to my amazing Beta's A & C for your guidance, encouragement & support. I have added pictures for this chapter so check out the blog for those. The song I picked for this chapter is another song by Kings of Leon… Uh Oh! Now, I want to give a head nod to Gingko who quoted this song in one of our music discussions and when I was planning this chapter it seemed the most appropriate, plus it's one of my favs.**

**So, they are headed back to the Edgewater. I do love the Edgewater *sigh* Now… Is it me or did Edward seem to be teetering on the edge in the last chapter?**

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><p>Stranded in this spooky town<br>Stoplight is swaying and the phone lines are down  
>Floor is crackling cold<br>She took my heart; I think she took my soul  
>With the moon I run, far from the carnage of the fiery sun<p>

Driven by the strangle of vein, showing no mercy, I'd do it again  
>Open up your eyes<br>You keep on crying, baby, I'll bleed you dry  
>Skies are blinking at me<br>I see a storm bubbling up from the sea

And it's coming closer

Closer by Kings of Leon

**Chapter 49: A Storm Is Coming**

**EPOV**

Bella was exhausted and fell back to sleep almost immediately when her head hit the pillow in my childhood bedroom. I had lain with her body close to me but wasn't able to sleep. I couldn't shut my brain off. We had been up for hours. I mostly listened as Jenks, Felix and my dad discussed options for us. They were animated as they deliberated about Mike, trying to put all the pieces together. They have decided that he is working with someone in Seattle but haven't established with who as of yet. I can't help but believe that James is involved in all of this. I don't know everything about him but I do know he is a sick bastard. Any man that would beat a child and a woman is sick in the damn head. Of course, I can't figure out why he would come back now.

Bella stirs and I pull her closer to me. I was able to talk Felix into letting us go to the apartment before going to the hotel in the morning which I am extremely happy about. I didn't want him selecting things for Bella and me. He didn't like it but Dad agreed with me and told him once the place was secured it was better that we pick out what we would need since it was unclear how long we would be gone. My dad had told me to pack for a week. Great!

"Edward." She whimpers and I kiss her shoulder softly.

"It's okay babe. Sleep. I'm right here."

She rolls over and wraps her arms around my chest and I realize that she is still sleeping. She has been calling out my name off and on all night long. She's worried about me and I am worried about her. I sigh and begin playing with her hair, running my fingers up and down her back as she hums against me, tightening her grip around my chest until she is fast asleep again. I glance at the clock on my wall. It is already almost five in the morning. I finally force my eyes closed, afraid to sleep but knowing that I need to.

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><p>I awoke a few hours later sporting my morning wood. I instinctually move my hand down and hitch her leg over me. She moans softly against my chest, kissing me gently which further ignites my desire for her. I tug her face up to me and kiss her passionately, moving her eagerly against my erection. When she pulls away from me I stare at her dumbfounded for a moment. What is she doing? She never stops me.<p>

"What's the matter?" I ask as I start kissing her again, moving my hand down over her sex, slipping two of my fingers inside of her.

"Umm," she mumbles through my kiss, "Your parents are going to hear us." She stutters.

I can't help but snicker, she has never cared about that before. In fact, she is generally turned on by the idea that someone can hear or see us. I continue to rub her against me, needing to be inside her desperately.

"What was it you said last? Oh right… I don't care." I say huskily.

I continue kissing her lips and then down her neck, nibbling right below her ear and grinning when she moans loudly, bringing her hand into my hair. Oh yeah! That always gets her going. She brings my mouth to hers, kissing me as she straddles my hips. I reach between us and line myself up to her, groaning loudly as she comes down on me. She sits up, her eyes half closed with her mouth parted slightly as she swivels her hips. I trace my hands over her stomach and then up over her breasts, tweaking and pulling at her nipple rings. She lets out the sexiest whimpering noises as she picks up her pace.

"Oh… mmm… baby… yes." I say erratically as I grab her hips, pushing her against me quicker.

We start to get loud, grunting and moaning as our movements become more frantic. Well, I guess she doesn't care about anyone hearing us anymore because she is louder than I am. I smile, she's so contradictory sometimes. She moves almost all the way off of me, lingering with just my head inside her and then she slams down on me. I arch my hips, screaming in pleasure as she does it again.

"Oh God!" I stutter excitably. "Do that again baby…Please!"

She opens her eyes, smiling down at me wickedly. I know that she loves it when I am begging her to do stuff. Of course she knows exactly what she does to me and how I crave her all the time. She moves up again and then comes down just slightly past my head, then back up again, over and over as I writhe underneath her, needing her to come all the way down again. She's basically fucking my head when she knows I need more.

"Do you like that baby?"

I just moan, loudly, "Baby… oh God! Come down all the way. I need to be inside you." I say panting, "Oh God! Please." I continue to beg.

She smiles again as she moves my head in and out of her. She is keeping me teetering on the edge of my orgasm, driving me insane, as she teases the hell out of me. I finally just grab the base of my cock and start stroking myself up and down as she works on my head.

"Mmm, baby that is so fucking sexy." She says looking down at me hungrily.

She wraps her hand around mine forcing me to squeeze my cock as I stroke up and down, desperate for a release. Moaning loudly I continue to stroke myself as she brings her other hand over her opening. My mouth waters as I watch her slip her fingers inside. She looks at me with lust filled eyes and then brings her fingers over my head pinching it lightly. Oh fuck me! I cry out, both in pleasure and pain. It stings slightly but also feels so fantastic that it takes everything in me not to come right then and there.

"Move your hand baby." She says, pulling her fingers out and running them along my stomach.

I let go of my cock just as she slams back down on me. I scream out again, muttering incoherently. She sets a rhythmic pattern, moving up and down on my head and then slamming all the way down on me hard, then pulling up again and repeating. All I can do is moan and stutter out her name over and over again. My body is in overdrive, needing to come desperately. I quickly move my finger to her clit, rubbing it wildly as she moans above me.

"Edward… your cock is so fucking perfect. I could do this all fucking day. Can I do this all fucking day baby?" She says sexily.

Oh God! She is going to kill me if she doesn't let me come soon.

"Oh, baby… fuck…" She says loudly throwing her head back and slamming down on me. "Come with me baby," she moves up and down on my head, "come with me," she slams all the way down again, "cooommmmeeee." she draws out the last word as she brings herself up all the way and then down on me hard, flexing her walls as she does.

She clenches around me, warmth enveloping my cock, as she reaches her climax. I can't stop the noises I am making as I arch my hips up, holding her still and coming for what feels like hours inside of her. When my eyes finally are able to open she is smiling above me. I give her my infamous crooked grin that she loves so much and pull her down to me, kissing her softly on the lips.

"Mmm, good morning." She utters lazily against my mouth.

"Good morning to you too." I say smiling and rolling her on her back, kissing all along her face while she giggles underneath me.

We lay there kissing and playing on the bed for a long time, at least 30 minutes. I think we are both avoiding going downstairs. I don't care if my parents heard us. Hell, my dad deserved that after barging in on us last week but for me, it's a delay of the inevitable. It's acknowledging that we are not in charge of our own lives right now and it's recognizing that there is a serious threat out there. Not knowing if that threat is aimed at me or Bella is torturous. When we finally decide that we have procrastinated long enough we both slip on the clothes that Felix picked up for us when he went back to our place last night and head downstairs.

I have my arm around her as we walk into the kitchen. My parents avoid making eye contact with us. Yep, they heard us. I can't help but smirk. I glance at Felix who doesn't seem fazed. Of course he is used to hearing us have sex. Hell, he watched us yesterday. Well, I don't actually know if he watched us but he wasn't that far away from where we were doing it so he might as well have watched us. Of course, I still can't believe that I actually did that. I mean fucking Bella in public is one thing but fucking her in public when it is very clear that people can see and hear us is quite the other.

"Good morning." I say to my parents who look over at us.

My dad arches his brow at me and then grins. He is probably happy that we are getting a room versus staying here. Recognizing that your children are having sex and actually hearing them are a bit different. My mom gets up and walks over to us, hugging us both. She looks at me and frowns.

"Edward you look dreadful." She says touching the bags under my eyes.

I frown, "I know. I had trouble sleeping." I say softly as Bella tightens her hold on me.

"Well, once you have checked in to the suite you need to rest." She says calmly. I nod but I am not so sure I will be able to do that.

I turn to Felix, "Did you find anything when you went back over there?"

"It looks like someone used a key. I have already changed the locks." He digs in his pocket for the key and I see the tile.

"Can I have that too?" I say motioning for the tile

He looks over at my dad who nods. He hands it to me and I turn it over in my hand, an E. I will add it to the rest. How many is that now? I think that's fifteen. I close my eyes for a moment trying to determine if that is right. July 4th was 11, then the break in, then those fucking pictures, I sigh just thinking about those, then the packet Jenks collected and now this one. So… yeah, fifteen. Bella and I should really try and figure it out. She nudges me and I look at her worried face. I try to offer her a reassuring smile but I know I am not successful at it.

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><p>It took Bella forever to decide what she wanted to bring. I think she just didn't want to leave. I can understand that but it is necessary. By the time we arrive at the hotel my lack of sleep is becoming more apparent. I look around quickly as we enter the suite, it is magnificent. I set our bags down in the sitting area as Bella walks around. She is gently touching everything and I am reminded once again how my upbringing was so different than hers. She has probably never stayed in a suite before. She is very practical and would never spend that kind of money on herself. I follow her into the bedroom and grin as she gently runs her hands up and down on one of the posts of the four post bed. I can tell that she is smiling. I glance at the four posts and smirk, shaking my head slightly. I am sure I cannot imagine in my wildest dreams what she might do to me in something like this but I am sure it would involve tying me to one or all of these posts. I grin and wrap my arms around her waist.<p>

"What are you thinking about baby?" I whisper against her neck.

She leans back into me. "Oh, baby… the things I could do to you in a bed like this. There are just endless possibilities." She smiles up at me.

I kiss her forehead, "Hmm, maybe we should have packed some of your toys."

She gets the wildest and sexiest smile on her face, "Another time baby; another time."

She walks away smiling and shaking her head. As she steps into the master bathroom I hear her whistle. I chuckle and walk in behind her. She turns to look at me and her face shows her excitement.

"Baby, we seriously need a bathroom like this. Look at that shower?"

I grin, "It's nice huh?" I look around the room, noticing the tub and remembering the first time I told her I loved her, "Do you want me to draw you a bath?" I ask as I run my fingers along the length of her arms.

"No, let me draw you one. You didn't sleep last night. I told your mom I would make sure you slept once we checked in."

"Hmm, so that's what she asked you when we left?"

She nods and walks over to the whirlpool tub, she gets the water going and then walks to her toiletry bag, getting out some bath oil that Alice had given us last year when we stayed on the island. I am just leaning back against the door, staying out of the way as I watch her move about the room. When it is ready she smiles at me and starts taking off my clothes, touching me tenderly as she removes my shirt. She unbuttons my pants and slips them and my boxers down my hips. I step out of them and watch her. She gently moves her fingers along my stomach and then takes my hand, leading me to the tub motioning for me to step in. The water is nice and hot and as I sit down in it I am almost immediately comforted. I am surprised when she doesn't get undressed as well and look over at her confused.

"You're not coming in with me?" I am sure she can see the hurt in my eyes.

She smiles, running her fingers down my face gently. She then moves to the back of the tub kneeling down. She dabs some of the oil in her hands and immediately starts massaging my shoulders. She nudges me forward a little bit so she can get to my entire back. My eyes close and I breathe in slowly, relaxing almost instantaneously. At that moment I realize that all my worry and nervousness has made my whole body stiff and sore. Her small yet strong hands continue working into my muscles, getting all the knots out and making me feel so calm. She gently nudges me back against the tub and further down into the water as she takes the sponge and drips water over my chest. She works some soap into her hands and lathers up my chest and arms and then moves around to the side of the tub working on my legs, and eventually my cock. She smiles when it comes to life for her but she doesn't touch me in a way that would indicate she is going to pleasure me. Damn! When she is done she kisses me softly on the lips.

"I love you." She whispers, "I'll be right back, don't move ok?"

I nod, incapable of speaking at the moment. She turns on the whirlpools in the tub and walks out of the room. The hot water swirls around me gently massaging my tired body as I find myself drifting off to sleep.

"_I love you baby." She says against my eager lips._

"_You are everything to me, we will always be together." I pronounce without any doubt._

_Our lips find each other again as our passion takes over. I hear a loud noise outside the room and then the door bursts open. My heart drops into my stomach as I see Felix on the ground, blood pooling around his head. Mike makes his way over to the bed, quickly grabbing Bella's arm and jerking her out of the bed and away from me. He throws her into the arms of another man who quickly moves his arm around her neck, essentially putting her in a choke hold. I can't see his face but he seems familiar to me. Her legs are moving wildly as she tries to get away but he just laughs menacingly. I try to move but can't and look around. I take in the fact that I am now tied to the bed. They all turn around and walk out the door. I hear laughter and then screaming that is getting further and further away. Oh God!_

"_NO!" I scream but no one hears me._

I startle myself awake and realize I am still in the tub. I take a couple of steadying breaths, trying to calm my racing heart. Wait! How long have I been in here? Where's Bella? I sit up looking around frantically and just as panic starts to overtake me Bella walks in. Her smile quickly drops when she sees my expression. She kneels down again behind me, forcing me back against the tub and placing her arms over my shoulders and down my chest. Her hot breath against my neck, sending shivers throughout my body but after a few moments I feel myself calming down. She sits with me like that for several minutes, just gently caressing my chest with her fingertips.

"Are you ready to get out?" She whispers against my ear.

I nod again, closing my eyes, comforted in the knowledge that she is safe. She gets up and grabs one of the towels off of the rack as I step out of the tub. She proceeds to dry me off before taking my hand and walking me to the bed. I watch as she pulls the duvet and sheet back and motions for me to get in. She then slips off her clothes and moves underneath the covers with me, placing my head against her heart and gently running her fingers through my hair until I fall asleep again. This time I don't wake up until morning.

* * *

><p>We have been staying at the Edgewater for almost a week. Oddly enough things have been relatively calm. Jenks has said although Mike still makes his daily calls he has not had any unusual activities lately. My dad has been keeping him busy on the Carter account which, apparently, is a big deal. Bella has not received any more roses and thankfully I have not received any more packages. Bella is tired of staying here and wants to go home but Felix and my dad have been fighting her on this. She was sort of angry with me when I sided with them and not her but I would rather have her angry with me than dead. She didn't stay angry with me for long so it worked out okay.<p>

Now I'm sure if the hotel manager wasn't so fearful of my dad taking his business elsewhere he would have kicked us out already. Felix's rules are definitely difficult to maintain. We had to have a person assigned to us who passed a background check. They were responsible for not only cleaning our room but also delivering all our food. The hotel tried to send someone else up once and Felix pulled his gun on her. Needless to say she avoids us like the plague and my dad had to pay her considerable compensation for her emotional distress. When Bella goes to work, Jasper or Emmett come over to the hotel or I go over to see them. My dad still doesn't like that but he is dealing with it.

Bella and I are sitting on the balcony. We had started Fitzgerald's The Great Gatsby a few days ago and she says she likes it. I love reading to her out here. They have some great chairs and it overlooks Elliott Bay. I have my feet in her lap and her legs are on a wicker ottoman. She is gently running her fingers along my calves underneath my jeans which feels so calming and relaxing that I have lost my place a few times. I think I have read the same section three times already. This of course causes her to giggle which I swear is one of the sweetest sounds I have ever heard.

We hear movement inside the suite and both glance inside just as Felix draws his gun near the door. What the hell? I grab Bella and move out of the way of the door, moving us quickly out of sight. I don't hear any more movement and start to go to where I can see what is happening. Bella grabs my arm but I touch her face softly and mouth, _it's okay_. But before I can do anything else the balcony door opens and Felix motions for us to come inside.

"What's going on?" I ask, noticing an envelope on the table.

"This was just delivered." He says picking up the manila envelope, "It contains pictures of the two of you."

"I want to see them." I say snatching the envelope out of his hands.

I quickly pull out the pictures and the latest scrabble tile. There are at least 20 pictures of Bella and me, chronicling our relationship. Some are sexual but most are just random shots of the two of us. This is bad, very bad. Whoever took these has been following us for a long time. There is a gap when she left but then it picks right back up after she gets back. There are pictures from graduation, us dancing, but also Bella giving me head behind the house. So there is a chance I have seen this person. I wrack my brain trying to think if anyone stood out that night. But let's face it; I could barely focus on anyone aside from Isabella. Then there are even pictures from the ceremony where Emmett blew that house up on the Fourth of July, as well as us on the steps. Holy Shit! My heart is beating fast when I see that there are also pictures of Bella and me sitting on the balcony, me reading to her. I think those were taken yesterday. I stand up quickly walking back outside and looking around, trying to figure out where they might have gotten those shots.

"I'm putting you on speaker sir." I hear Felix say as I make my way back inside.

"_What did the envelope contain?" My father asks._

"There were pictures of your son and Ms. Swan, Sir. There were shots taken here as well. I think we need to secure another hotel for them."

"_Yes. I believe you might be right. Did Jenks call you?"_

"Yes, Sir. It seems unusual for Mike to be so careless when it is clear that he is being followed."

"Mike delivered these?" I say enraged.

"_Edward calm down. Do not do anything! We have this under control."_

My mind and brain are filled with rage. I can't believe this. Under control my ass. They don't have this under control. Fuck this! I am going to make Mike talk. I'll be damned if we have to keep moving because of him. I won't live in fear and I won't let that bastard control me and Bella.

"You fucking watch her. If something happens to her so help me God I will kill you." I say viciously to Felix. I don't give a shit if he is bigger than me and can kick my ass.

"If something happens to her it will be because I am already dead." He says calmly.

_"Edward! DO NOT DO ANYTHING!" My dad yells from the phone, but I am not listening to him._

I nod and turn to Bella. She has a look of panic on her face.

"Oh God… Baby… What are you going to do?" She asks, her voice cracked and frayed.

"I am taking control of this situation." I say and then grab my phone and keys and walk out the door.

_"Edward! Damn it...Answer me!"_

I hear Bella scream for me to wait before the door slams shut but I don't wait. Fuck this shit. I know where Mike lives. I am waiting for my car and get in just when I see Bella run outside, Felix close to her, gun out, eyeing the crowd. Good! He'll protect her and keep her safe while I take care of Mike.

* * *

><p>All the way to Mike's house I try to piece together how he is involved in this but it feels like I am missing a huge and important piece of the puzzle. Well, I am going to find those missing pieces because I will make him talk to me. He can't get away with this. I get to his condo quickly and I know he is home because I see Jenks approaching me. I put up my hand and wave him off as I enter the building. My blood is boiling as I ride the elevator to his condo. By the time I get there I am furious. I just pound on his door continuously until he opens it a crack and smirks at me.<p>

"What the hell do you want Edward?" He spits out.

I push the door open, shoving him inside and closing the door behind me.

"I want you to tell me what you know about what's happening. I know you delivered a package to my hotel today." I say through clenched teeth.

He smiles widely and shrugs his shoulders, "I don't know what you're talking about." He says smugly.

It's the last straw for me. I pounce on him before he has a chance to respond. I start hitting him in the face over and over again, feeling his nose crack underneath my fist. Blood begins squirting everywhere, splattering my clothes and face. I step back and hesitate for a moment to wipe the blood away from my eyes.

"What the fuck do you know?" I holler at him.

"Fuck you!" He responds pushing me further away from him.

He brings his hand to his nose, trying to stop the bleeding.

"Personally, I think you and that whore deserve each other." Is his snarky response.

I feel the rage bubbling to the surface again and hit him hard in the stomach and push him against the wall. The two paintings on his wall come crashing down as I start hitting him repeatedly in his gut, then his side, cracking some of his ribs. I can't stop. I remember what he did to Bella in the elevator and hit him again, hard, right in his abdomen and this time the force of it causes him to slump on the floor. But I'm not done. Images of him with Bella flood my mind followed by my dream. I hear myself scream as I start kicking him but then someone pulls me off, dragging me way.

"Let go of me. He deserves it. Let me the fuck go!" I screech to whoever is keeping me from pummeling Mike for every hurtful thing he has ever said and done.

"No… I won't let you go until you have calmed down." My father says softly, "Remember who you are son, this isn't you."

I can feel tears forming in my eyes and my body starts to go limp.

"Look at him son. You need to stop." He pulls my body close to his and wraps his arms around me as I fall to the ground, bringing him with me.

"Son, please… trust me." I can feel his steady heart beating against me and glance at Mike who is a bloody mess against the wall.

I nod and feel the tears start to fall from my eyes. I have never hurt anyone in my life and just stare at what I just did, unclear how I feel about it. My father breathes in deeply and then lets me go.

"Son, are you hurt?" He asks concerned.

I swallow and close my eyes.

"Son, are you hurt?" He says more forcefully.

"I don't think so." I rasp out.

"Go sit on the couch, let me check on Mike. Jenks, go get a wet towel for my son."

"I'm not a fucking nurse." Jenks says not moving.

"God Damn it Jenks. Go… NOW!" My dad says furiously.

"Fine, fine. I told you to keep a fucking eye on him. Didn't I say he was a damn hot head?" He says acerbically. "Must be a Cullen trait." He mumbles as he walks down the hall.

My dad glares at him and then walks over to Mike. I just put my head down, bringing my hands into my hair. Not paying attention to the fact that my hands are dripping with blood. A few minutes later I feel a wet towel hit the back of my head and look up.

"Wash yourself up junior." Jenks says smirking.

I glance at Jenks and then my dad who is watching the exchange. My dad stands up quickly looking ready to kill someone.

Jenks brings his hands up in surrender. "Sorry, Sorry… don't get your knickers in a bunch. Geez." He says plopping down on one of Mike's chairs.

"Is he conscious?" Jenks asks, looking at his fingers, picking something out of his nails.

"Barely." My dad says going to the kitchen and pouring some water into a glass. He brings it over to Mike and throws it in his face, "Wake up Mr. Newton. We have business to discuss."

Mike starts coughing against the wall, whimpering and moaning. My dad picks him up by his shirt which is now bloody and stained and throws him into the chair near Jenks. I sit up and look at him. My dad sits on Mike's coffee table directly in front of him. Mike looks over at me and for the first time he isn't glaring or smirking or taunting me in any way. He actually looks frightened. No, terrified is probably more accurate. My dad clears his throat and Mike turns to him and goes pale in an instant.

"That's right Mr. Newton. I am the one you need to focus on right now." He leans in close to him and Mike instinctually tries to move as far back in the chair as possible, "Because I won't hesitate to kill you. Do you understand me?"

Mike swallows loudly and nods his head.

"What do you know about what's going on with Edward and Isabella?"

When Mike doesn't answer right away my father back hands him across the face so hard that he knocks him on the ground. God! I already beat him up pretty badly and now he has my dad to deal with. My dad leans over him and Mike flinches away. Dad grins and casually lifts him back up, repositioning him in the chair and straightening out Mike's bloody and soiled shirt.

"Now I am going to ask you again. What do you know about what's going on with Edward and Isabella? Be quick and be precise." My dad says calmly.

"He calls himself John, like John Doe. He never gave me his real name. I only met him a few times."

I get up and walk over to the table and Mike automatically recoils from me.

"Go on…Because if something happens to Isabella because of what you have done I won't even try to stop him." My dad's says with indifference.

"He approached me last year after the incident at Trinity. He said he knew a way to get back at both Edward and Bella. At the time I was so angry and humiliated by what she had done that it seemed like a good idea. He just wanted me to mess with her, get in between her and Edward, and cause some doubt so that he would leave her."

Mike glances at me and I am frowning. "What about what happened in the elevator? Are you going to stop lying about what transpired?" I ask gritting my teeth.

He looks down and I stand up quickly causing him to sit back further.

"Don't look down you bastard." I grab him by the collar and then push him back, "Tell me what happened." My dad touches me, motioning for me to sit down.

"I called him when she arrived at the office. He said to get her alone in the elevator and get her in a compromising position. He said he had eyes in the elevator and would use the tapes if he needed. But shit! She just…"

"She just... WHAT?" I growl at him.

"She just fucking kept mocking me, fucking tease that she is. I got carried away and then that bastard used it against me. Said he would turn it in to the cops and say I tried to rape her if I didn't do what he said."

I stand up again and push him back hard, knocking the chair back, "You did try to rape her you sick fuck!"

"Alright, alright… whatever! She's a whore, she can't be raped. Besides she kissed me back Edward, she wanted me too." He says standing up.

I punch him in the gut and when he falls back to the ground I get on top of him, putting my knee against his neck, leaning down close to his face.

"You wish that she wanted you." I say before getting up and walking away, pacing back and forth, trying to calm down. When I glance at him he is rubbing his neck.

"When she went crazy he was happy." He says rasping.

I walk back over there and sit down on the table next to my dad, crossing my arms. He stops for a moment looking at me until my dad snaps his fingers in his face. Mike shakes his head and blinks several times, looking back at my father.

"Continue. I am losing my patience."

"When she went away he found out she was locked up. He called me gloating about how he drove her crazy and told me not to worry, that Edward was so far up her pussy that he would go crazy as well which of course was true." He swallows hard as he glances at me.

I frown at him, rolling my hand for him to continue.

"He told me he thought our relationship would terminate but he would keep in touch and that if anything suspicious happened to call him. When Edward came into the office I called him to let him know. He was angry that I had called from the work phone but it had been awhile since I talked to him so I forgot. He just told me to keep a look out. When Edward and Bella came into the office a few months later I called him again. He told me he was aware that she was back in Seattle. He said he was going to watch her for a few weeks and decide what to do next."

"He was at my graduation party wasn't he?" I say crossly.

Mike nods, "He was pissed. Your little love fest made him crazy. Every time we talked after that he seemed to get crazier and crazier. He was obsessed with making her unhappy, with finding a way to destroy her." He pauses, glancing at me and then my father, "Every night when he called he would tell me what I was supposed to do."

"It was you delivering the flowers?" I ask heatedly. Mike nods at me.

"What's his plan?" My dad asks sternly.

"I don't know. He never told me what he was going to do next he just told me what to do when he wanted it done. I had no warning."

"Did you know I was following you?" Jenks asks.

"Yes, but not right away. He told me I was being followed by you."

"So if you knew you were being followed why did you deliver that package to the hotel?" My dad asks confused.

He shrugs, "I don't know. I told him it was stupid. That you guys would know but he said that's what he wanted. I don't know why. I have stopped asking why."

All of a sudden it dawns on me and I stand up. Panic washing over me. He wanted all of us to be here, focused on Mike so he could make a move on Bella. I grab my phone dialing Felix's number but there is no answer. I dial Bella's and no answer. Tears start forming in my eyes. My dad grabs me looking at my crazed expression.

"They're not answering. I need to get over there." I say filled with immense panic and fear.

And at that same moment recognition crosses my dad's face as well. He turns to Jenks.

"Keep him here. We are going to the hotel."

"Now I'm a fucking babysitter." Jenks says annoyed.

"Jenks so help me God!" My dad hollers and I remember that I just said that to Felix. Oh God! What have I done?

"Fine… I'm a fucking babysitter." He says getting up and walking into the kitchen, opening up Mike's fridge and looking inside.

My dad turns to Mike, "If you try to leave I will track you down and I will kill you…slowly. Do we understand each other?"

Mike nods and moves his head between his legs. I think he finally recognizes that his life is over. The minute the door closes behind us my Dad looks at me.

"It will be okay son." He says and I nod as he pulls out his phone calling his driver.

The ride to the hotel seemed to take forever and when we get there my heart drops into my stomach when I see police cars and an ambulance. Tears streak down my face as I jump out of the car before the driver has time to stop. I run through the lobby and jump into the open elevator as everyone steps away from me. I am sure I look crazy, my clothes are bloodied, and my hands are swollen and red. Once the elevator opens I dart out and my worst fears are realized when I see that the door to our suite is open and there are people moving about inside.

I dash in and see Felix on the floor, blood pooled around him just like in my dream. My head darts around the room looking for signs of Isabella.

"Sir, you can't be in here. This is a crime scene."

"This is my suite." I stutter out.

"The lead investigator is over there." He says motioning to a man who is talking to the girl who delivers our food.

"My girlfriend, is she here?" I ask, terrified of the answer.

"The only one here was him." He says motioning towards Felix. "Was she supposed to be here as well?"

"When I left they were both here." I can feel tears coming down my face. I drop to my knees and bring my head down, my tears falling to the ground. I feel my dad's hand on my shoulder.

"Who's in charge here?" My dad says authoritatively.

The lead detective walks up to him, "I'm Detective Hunter, and you are?"

"My name is Mr. Cullen. My son and his girlfriend were staying here. Where is she?"

"We don't know sir. Someone reported hearing what sounded like popping noises from this room. When the maid came to bring the food she walked in to this." He waves his hands around the room. "They called us immediately."

"I see." My dad says as he glances at Felix just as they move the blanket over him.

"Was there a message left?" My dad asks turning back to the detective.

"Yes, there was." He looks towards the table. "There was a message in scrabble tiles. Does that mean anything to the two of you?"

I look up when he says that and glance at the table, seeing several things on it. I jump up, walking over there with purpose. I look down and see that the table is covered in newspaper clippings. All from Phoenix, documenting the trial of Mr. James Smith, attorney at law who was convicted of two counts of aggravated assault on a child and one count of aggravated domestic violence, sentenced to fourteen years. Above a picture of Bella is the word **WHORE **spelled out in tiles and laying on top of the newspaper clippings the remainder of the tiles spells out the following message:

**YOU WILL BOTH PAY**

It was James. It has been James all along and now my Bella is gone. He won't let her go. He wants her to suffer for him going to prison. He's going to kill her and then my life will be over. I feel my heart beating fast, there is activity going on all around me but I hear nothing anymore as I drop down in one of the kitchen chairs, closing my eyes and letting the sorrow overtake me.

* * *

><p><strong>AN… Uh Oh! I see a storm bubbling up over the sea and it's coming closer. Yep, the storm is here. I know a lot of you suspected James was behind all of this and wa-la you were right BUT I hope I had you all guessing and thinking along the way…LOL… but how did all this play out? How could anyone get past HBG? And, Hmm, Edward is looking a bit defeated there at the end. This isn't looking too good for our troublesome lovebirds.**

**Alright, now don't forget to check the blog for pics of the suite and a reminder of what that punk Mike looks like, well, before Edward kicked his ASS that is :-)**

**So as always… hit me up with a review and let me know your thoughts, even if it's just that you're mad at me for killing HBG (which I am sorry about, by the way, I really, really liked him *sigh*)… Okay folks, see ya next Friday!**


	51. Ch 50: Left to Lie

**Rating: M- For lemons (lots of them), language and situations. So this means if you're under 16 please be responsible for yourself.**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer is the sole owner of the world of Twilight. I am just having a little harmless fun with her characters.**

**DISCLAIMER: This chapter contains some violent images that some people might find disturbing, just wanted to give you all a heads up.**

**Once again thank you to my amazing Beta's A & C for your guidance, encouragement & support. You girls have totally improved my life! Okay… I have added some pictures for this chapter so check out the blog for those. The song I picked for this chapter is by Bobby Long. I was listening to my Brit Pack playlist (Marcus, Sam, Bobby and Rob for those not in the know) awhile back and when this song came on I thought about this chapter. I know, I am strange, what can I say? Anyway, I thought it was fitting for what is going on in Bella's head plus it allowed me to include all of Rob's musical mates in the story. **

**Well, Well, Well… last chapter was… SIGH… so, let's not waste any more time and see how this all happened shall we?**

* * *

><p>I'm afraid to die, I'm nearly old<br>I'm almost young or so I'm told  
>You say time is a healer; faith is death or left to die<br>I won't put my strain on another, broken shame and so I'll lie

I'm left to lie  
>I floated down like a long lost dream<br>As my savior flew from his stitched up seams  
>Cause I'm afraid to die,<br>I'm nearly old, I'm almost young, so I'm told

They say I would better, far from here, left alone  
>But now my luck's even cheaper<br>I'm played out by the traffic drones  
>I'm still alone, nowhere to go<p>

I floated down like a long lost dream  
>'Cause my savior flew from his stitched up seams<br>'Cause my friends think I will be the first to die  
>'Cause I'm far, far too scared to ask them why<p>

Cause I'm afraid to die  
>I'm nearly old, I'm almost young or so I'm told<p>

Left to Lie by Bobby Long

**Chapter 50: Left to Lie**

**BPOV**

Oh God! He is so damn sexy sitting here reading to me. I swear he could be reading the phone book and I would melt. I keep messing with his leg, letting my fingers graze over the hair on his calf; it is so fucking soft that I can't stop touching it. I know that what I am doing is distracting him because he keeps stuttering and repeating what he just reads. I can't help but giggle and grin at him. He gives me my favorite smile and I am once again left speechless. My God, he is seriously lethal!

We started coming out to the balcony to read a few days ago. I think he is really striving to have some kind of normalcy in the middle of all this chaos. He was going to start another Hemingway novel but I asked him to pick one of his other favorites, teasingly inquiring if he _had_ any other favorites. At that, he had started tickling me relentlessly which of course led to us making love on the balcony a few days after we got here. Later he had laughed and advised me that he had lots of favorites as he waved The Great Gatsby in front of me. I like it so far but once again, he could be reading the damn phone book and I am sure that I would like it.

We hear movement inside the suite and both glance back just as HBG draws his gun near the door. Shit! But before I have a chance to register anything else Edward grabs me and moves us out of the way, out of sight. We don't hear any more movement and Edward starts to creep towards the door. What the fuck is he doing? I grab his arm, panicked. He smiles and touches my face, whispering _it's okay_. But before he can do anything else the balcony door opens and HBG motions for us to come inside.

"What's going on?" Edward asks forcefully.

"This was just delivered." HBG says picking up the manila envelope, "It contains pictures of the two of you."

"I want to see them." Edward quickly replies as he snatches the envelope out of his hands.

He is looking at the pictures; I can feel the tension increasing on him, its emanating from every pore of his body. I peek around him and see that they are pictures of the two of us, starting from the beginning of our relationship up until a few days ago. He scrunches his eyebrows together and walks to the balcony, looking outside with his hands on his hips.

"I'm putting you on speaker, Sir." HBG says and Edward turns around walking back inside. We both turn to the phone HBG has placed on the table.

"_What did the envelope contain?" Carlisle asks calmly._

"There were pictures of your son and Ms. Swan, Sir. There were shots taken here as well. I think we need to secure another hotel for them."

"_Yes. I believe you might be right. Did Jenks call you?"_

"Yes, Sir. It seems unusual for Mike to be so careless when it is clear that he is being followed."

"Mike delivered these?" Edward asks enraged.

"_Edward calm down. Do not do anything! We have this under control."_

Edward's eyes are darting back and forth and his breathing is rapid. He is losing control. I can see it. I touch his arm but he ignores me and glares at HBG.

"You fucking watch her. If something happens to her so help me God I will kill you." He says viciously to HBG.

"If something happens to her it will be because I am already dead." HBG says evenly.

_"Edward! DO NOT DO ANYTHING!" Carlisle yells from the phone._

What? What the hell is he going to do? Oh God! He turns to me and I know I am not hiding my panic and fear very well.

"Oh God… Baby… What are you going to do?" I ask, not even recognizing the sound that comes out of my mouth.

"I am taking control of this situation." He says as he grabs his phone and keys and walks out the door.

_"Edward! Damn it...Answer me!"_

No, No, No, No... I scream in my head. Fuck! I need to stop him before he does something he will regret.

"Edward, wait!" I shriek but he doesn't stop.

I run to the door and throw it open just as HBG grabs me and yanks me back inside, slamming the door shut.

"Let go of me, HBG. I need to stop him." I say crying. "Oh God! Please! We need to stop him." I am on the verge of hysterics, my heart is racing and I can't even catch a breath.

"HBG, help me." I look up to him, tears streaking my face.

He frowns and then draws his gun as he pulls me behind him, "You don't let go of me, do you hear me?" He says with such authority that I am afraid to go against him so I nod my assent to listen to him.

He looks up and down the hall and ushers us quickly to the elevator, shoving me into the corner as he stands protectively in front of me. When the doors open up at the lobby I start pushing him forward.

"Ms. Swan, I swear." He says crossly.

"I'm sorry HBG… please we need to hurry." I know I must sound frenzied and let's face it, a bit crazy but I need to get to Edward.

I am frantic as we step out of the elevator. We start walking slowly across the lobby. He has his gun drawn and is eyeing the crowd for any signs of danger. I see Edward outside and push past HBG, running towards the exit. HBG is close by me; I can hear his breath and can almost feel his anger at me for running ahead of him. Edward glances at me as he jumps into his jag and speeds off. NO! I feel tears in my eyes as I turn around and lean against HBG's chest, crying uncontrollably. He seems at a loss and I am sure it isn't in his job description to console a hysterical charge but he puts his arm around me anyway, rubbing his hand along my back.

"Let's go upstairs, Ms. Swan. I don't like being out in the open like this." He says calmly.

I nod and he shrouds me with his presence, daring anyone to come near me. We get back to the suite fairly quickly. He walks me to the couch to sit down as he snatches his phone and walks around the suite, checking to make sure everything is as we left it. When he is done he comes back and sits across from the couch, eyeing me speculatively.

"I called Mr. Cullen back and told him that Edward took off, that he is on his way to Mike's. Mr. Cullen is on his way over there as well. He will stop him." He says coolly.

I nod and bring my head between my legs, wrapping my hands in my hair. I hear HBG on the phone ordering some food for me but I don't think I will be able to eat at all. After a few moments we hear a knock and HBG removes his gun, again, as he goes to the door, looking through the peephole.

"It's that red headed lady." He looks back at me, "that's your sponsor right?"

I nod. I forgot that Vicky was supposed to come over. She had called to check on me a few days ago to make sure everything was alright. We had talked for a long while and she suggested we get together. Since HBG won't let me go out I recommended that she come here.

"I told her to meet me here. I'm pretty sure I told you about it." I say sighing as I glance at the clock, she's early though.

He nods. He has a look of recognition on his face. She doesn't like him very much, for the same reason Rose gets frustrated with him. He can't help it. It's his job to protect me and he takes it very seriously. Vicky wasn't happy about him doing a background check on her or that he hasn't allowed me to meet with her privately since we have been here. He said she cleared the check but he felt with the added threat I needed to limit the amount of people I had contact with. He doesn't trust anyone right now.

He opens the door for her, slipping his gun into his waist band underneath his jacket. She smiles at him as she walks in and then another hand pushes the door all the way open. It happens so quickly that I don't have time to react. James kicks the door shut as he pulls out a gun and points it at HBG, shooting him point blank as HBG is reaching for his gun. I watch in horror as HBG falls to the floor. I immediately run over to him, dropping to the ground and checking his pulse. It's weak, very weak.

"I'm sorry." He gurgles and coughs up blood.

"Don't be sorry, HBG." I touch his face tenderly, "Next to Edward you are the only man to ever really protect me. I know I was difficult."

He offers me a small smile and I can feel the tears start to come down my face. This can't be happening.

"I'm sorry I gave you such a hard time." Regret and sorrow choking my response.

He brings his hand to the nape of my neck, pulling me closer to him. "Don't let him break you." He rasps into my ear. "You are a lot stronger than he is." He says as he forces me to look him in the eyes.

I start shaking my head. "I'm not, I'm so scared." I wipe my tears quickly. "Don't leave me." I plead, knowing damn well that he will.

He pulls me back to him again and I rest my head against his shoulder, crying. He brings his hand to my hair, gently stroking it. Why is this happening? This can't be happening.

"I know you can do this Bella." He is barely able to choke out before he starts coughing profusely. "Just be strong, okay?"

"Please… Stay still, you're making it worse." I implore him.

He shakes his head, coughing some more. "I'm dying I know that. As much as you may want to, you can't change that fact."

I start crying uncontrollably. "Oh God! This is my fault. I'm so sorry. Felix… Oh God… Please don't leave me. I… I don't know what to do."

He starts shaking his head again and then laughs, "I haven't heard you call me by my name in a long time. I was sort of getting used to HBG." He grins at me and I can't help but grin back. He coughs again and closes his eyes, his body stilling before me.

"No, No, No, No…" I feel his pulse but there is nothing.

I start CPR but I know it is no use. People don't survive that kind of chest wound. I close my eyes, crying. I haven't registered the danger that I am in or that James is now in my room. I haven't even registered that Vicky is with James. How can that be? I hear commotion near me and look up.

"Why did you do that? You said you weren't going to hurt either of them." Vicky says nervously.

"I lied." He says pushing her out of the way.

"Isabella. So we meet again." He sneers at me. "It's been a long time."

"Fuck you!" I say standing up, wiping the tears from my face. HBG said to be strong and I will be. Fuck this bastard. I am not a little kid anymore.

He lifts his lip in a scowl as the lines on his forehead bunch up, his eyes turning dark and menacing. I know that look all too well and brace myself as he back hands me across the room, knocking me into the coffee table. Come on Swan, think. You need to get out of this. But… how? I crawl away from him but there is nowhere to go but the couch.

"I see you still have a smart mouth bitch!" He snarls at me. "Well, we shall see how long that lasts." He sits down in front of me, playing with his gun, then finally looking me in the eye with a look of complete and utter disdain on his sick face, "That was quite the touching scene you had with your bodyguard there. Don't tell me you started fucking him too?" He smirks.

"Well, you're the one taking all the pictures. Did you see me fucking him?"

He frowns at me and hits me across the face with his gun, "Yes, we shall see how long you keep that smart mouth of yours."

I can taste blood and know he has already busted up my lip. He turns to Vicky hollering at her.

"Vicky, bring me the fucking gag and the rope." He turns to me, smiling, "We don't want you screaming and messing up all my plans for you and your boyfriend."

I start to say something and he raises his hand again. I close my eyes and shut my mouth. Think Swan, THINK! He taps my forehead with the gun a few times, laughing.

"See… much better." He says mockingly.

When I hear Vicky approaching I open my eyes, glaring at her.

"How could you? You were my friend, my mother fucking sponsor. How could you be with him?" I spit out furiously.

She doesn't make eye contact with me as she hands him the gag and rope. He quickly puts the ball in my mouth and then ties it around my head, holding it in place. He then binds my hands together and chuckles.

"This must feel rather different being on the other end of the whole tying someone up thing, huh, slut?" He says arching his brow at me and grinning from ear to ear.

I just narrow my eyes at him which causes him to laugh even more. He pushes me against the back of the couch and walks over to a bag that Vicky is carrying. He pulls out a set of gloves and then an envelope. He walks over to the dining room table as he puts his gloves on, carefully pulling out what looks like newspaper clippings from the envelope. I watch as he arranges them on the table. He then walks into the other room and I turn to Vicky again, imploring her with my eyes to let me loose.

"I'm sorry Bella." She says softly "I know you don't understand but..." She glances towards the bedroom and sighs, "Just do what he says." She says a bit more forcefully.

"Quit talking to her Vicky!" We hear him yell from the other room and she stops talking immediately.

How can she fall for his shit? My mom I can understand. She was a stupid ditz but Vicky? Fuck! She's smart, she's tough. I close my eyes tightly, trying desperately to remember everything she had ever said about this guy she was with. She was always so vague when she talked about him. I remember her saying they had been together a long time, that he traveled a lot so she didn't get to see him that much and that he had been in prison. I always figured that she was vague because he had been in prison and she was embarrassed by it. So I never pushed her and well, frankly, most of the time she encouraged me to talk about my relationship with Edward. Fucking A! She was just setting me up. I told her all sorts of things that HBG would have been so upset about if he knew I had said. But shit! I told her all that shit in confidence. If you can't trust your fucking sponsor who the hell can you trust? SHIT! That's how they got into my place. I forgot that I gave Vicky a spare key, just in case. FUCK! This is all my fault, everything. HBG is dead and God knows if Edward is okay. I feel my heart beat quickly and know I need to be calm. I can't give James the satisfaction. Whatever happens I will endure it. I have endured worse. Whatever it takes to make sure nothing happens to Edward. I won't let James break me.

I hear a noise and look over at the table and see that James has the bag we keep the tiles in. He starts moving them around, adding a few more pieces from his pocket and then grins when he is done. He strolls back to us and glares at Vicky.

"What did you tell her?"

"Nothing. Baby, I swear. I didn't say anything."

I am staring at their exchange. Who the hell is this? This isn't the Vicky I know. What the hell did he do to her? He walks over to me jerking me off of the couch with such force that he almost pops my shoulder out.

"Come on bitch. Let's go reminisce, shall we." He says, smiling at me maliciously.

Vicky walks out first, making sure no one is in the halls. We see her get on the elevator and then a few seconds later he takes me towards the stairwell. He drags me down the stairs quickly and when we get to the bottom he pushes me into a corner as we hear someone walk inside. He moves real close to me and leans his head down as if he is embracing me. He is so much bigger than me that I am barely visible. I try to move away and make some form of noise but I have that damn gag in my mouth so I am sure we look and sound like a couple in a heavy make out session. God! This can't be happening to me. In a way I am glad Edward isn't here, at least he is safe. I know Carlisle will protect him and prevent him from doing anything rash. Well, at least I hope so.

"Excuse me, sorry." The couple says, giggling. "Guess they had the same idea as us." We hear him say as they walk by us.

James' phone buzzes and he jerks me from the corner and out the side entrance where Vicky is waiting. He quickly gets me in the back seat as she starts to drive off. Shit! Shit! Shit! I start thrashing about in the car, trying desperately to draw attention. Can't anyone see me or is this just like all those times when I was younger and people chose to ignore what was going on? Suddenly I feel the butt of James' gun hit the back of my head, my eyes close and my breath hitches as I fall down in the seat.

"Edward!" I whimper, before the darkness overtakes me.

* * *

><p><em>Everything is silent. The room feels eerie and cold as we all sit at the table for dinner. James came home from work upset and Mom has been picking at her food. She has had a scowl on her face all day. Pretty soon she is crying and I feel the panic start to rise within me. He hates crying.<em>

"_Who is she James?" Mom asks desperately._

_What is she doing? He already looks angry. Is she trying to get hit?_

"_It's no one. Now quit asking me." He says giving her that look that says you're on thin ice. _

"_It's not no one. She called me. Who the hell is she?"_

_He pushes away from the table furiously. He is at her side of the table quicker than I thought possible as he grabs the knife that is lying next to her plate and brings it to her neck._

"_What did I say Renee?"_

_She gulps, tears streaming down her face as a few drops of blood trickle onto the table._

"_You said it was no one." She snivels. "I'm sorry." _

_He pushes her back in the chair and walks back to his seat. He stares at his plate for a few seconds and then picks it up, throwing it at her. She ducks just in time and it hits the wall behind her. He gets that look on his face and I know something bad is about to happen. He walks over to her sneering as he grabs her hair, pulling her out of the chair, hitting her repeatedly, sweat dripping from his face. When he takes a break he smiles as he starts dragging her across the room towards their bedroom._

"_Show me I don't need anyone else Renee." I hear him say as he tosses her inside the bedroom. A few minutes later I hear screaming._

I startle awake, disoriented. I am lying on the floor in a large room. Like one of those studio apartments. I try to move but realize that I am still bound. At least the gag is out of my mouth. I roll over trying to take in my surroundings. There is very little furniture in here. A few chairs and a table. One wall is filled with pictures and newspaper clippings but I can't make out what they are from this distance. God! He is seriously like one of those creepy fuckers from one of those profiling shows. I hear movement in another part of the room and then see James walking over to me. I automatically move back until I touch the wall and then force myself up into a sitting position.

"Bad dreams?" He sneers, as he yanks me up.

He pretty much drags me towards the living room area and tosses me into one of the chairs as he sits down across from me. I take another look around the room and notice a whole slew of medical supplies on the table nearby. He has syringes, scalpels, sponges and several needles, some I recognize as having anesthesia in them. What does he need all this for? God this can't be good. I hear him chuckle which causes me to turn and look at him. He really looks exactly like I remember him, aside from the greying hair he hasn't changed at all.

"That's for later." He grins menacingly.

"What do you want?" I state furiously.

"For you to suffer of course." He says calmly, crossing his legs and smiling.

"Why? You were the one that was a prick."

His smile disappears and he doesn't hesitate to punch me square in the jaw, making me fall off the chair. I see he hasn't changed very much at all either. He lifts me up, tossing me across the room. Luckily I am far enough away from the wall that I just sort of slide into it versus slamming into it.

"You just proved my point asshole." I mumble.

He doesn't scare me anymore. What's he going to do, beat me? Like I haven't had that happen before but, if I keep him occupied maybe he'll fuck up and do something wrong. Give me a chance to figure out an escape. He laughs as he picks me up by my hair, drawing his fist back and punching me in the cheek, just below my eye. As I start to fall I brace myself knowing that he will start kicking me soon. When it happens, I actually laugh. He is so fucking predictable. Of course, the fact that I am laughing at him is not a good thing as it just seems to enflame his hatred for me even more. He kicks me numerous times in the ribs and then grabs me, pulling me back up and hitting me several more times in the face, finally throwing me against the wall forcefully. I hear someone scream as I fall to the ground slumped over, pain rising up from my ribs that are surely broken. He steps on my neck, leaning down to look at me. I stare into his evil and vacant eyes as he twists his foot around, applying more pressure to my neck. I start to choke, unable to breathe. He moves his foot slightly and then brings it back down again, grinning cruelly at me.

"Shut… your smart mouth… BITCH!" he says through clenched teeth as I fade into darkness, again.

* * *

><p>"<em>Forever, baby." Edward whispers as he lays soft kisses along my lips.<em>

"_Forever." I whisper back as I part my lips for him, begging him to deepen it, longing to feel his closeness, needing him with every fiber of my being._

_I feel his smile against my mouth as he slowly, methodically, slips his tongue inside. He is sensuously exploring every part of my mouth as my hands tug on his hair, needing more, always needing more. He answers my call by moving his hand over my breast as he makes his slow descent to the place I need him most. I instinctually arch up to meet him but he suddenly stops. He has a strange expression on his face as he is forcefully pulled off of me. A gun is placed at Edward's temple and I hear James' cruel laugh as he pulls the trigger._

"_NO!" I scream as he falls on top of me._

I jump up, drenched in sweat. My heart feels like it is going to jump right out of my chest and I am nearly hyperventilating, unable to slow my heart or my breathing down. For a moment I don't even know where I am, that is, until I hear James holler.

"Shut her the fuck up before I forget what I want to do and just kill her right now."

I hear footsteps approaching me and a few minutes later Vicky is kneeling down next to me, wiping my face with a wet cloth. I can barely see out of my left eye as it is almost swollen shut, having taken the worst of James' blows. She isn't talking but her face looks sad and worn.

"Why are you doing this?" I whimper. "I trusted you." I can feel tears under the surface but I am trying to hold them back.

"He wasn't always like this you know." She says softly, dabbing at my wounds.

I am speechless. Can she possibly believe that?

"Your mom drove him to be this way. If she hadn't …" She starts to say but I cut her off.

"Wait, wait, wait… one… fucking… minute. You are actually blaming my mom for this asshole. You do know what he did to me when I was younger, right?" I say floored. I can't believe what I am hearing from her.

She frowns. "That was a mistake. He lost control. Your mom…"

"My mother and I were nearly beaten to death and that's her fault? That's what you're saying?" I say, agitation rising within me. I blame my mom for a lot of shit but James nearly killing us is NOT one of them.

"She was always working on him, causing him problems and she knew things were bad at his practice. She should have been supportive. I kept telling him to leave her. To come back to me but he wouldn't. He said you needed a father."

Oh hell! I nearly choke when she says that.

"Well, I'm pretty sure that a father shouldn't beat their children or throw them out onto the porch in the middle of the night or rape their mother when their child is in the next room." I say irritated by her unnerving support of this fucker.

She is shaking her head, "Bella that didn't happen. You have just said those lies to yourself for so long you actually believe them."

WHAT? I close my eyes again trying to get a grip on this. Of course he would tell her they were lies. I saw the way he charmed my mom. He talked her into leaving Paul, a good, stable man to move to Arizona where he made her believe it was okay to beat her and her only child. He somehow convinced her that there wasn't anything wrong with what he was doing. It sounds like he has been with Vicky a long time so he has probably spent years molding her.

"And, what he is doing right now is okay with you?" I say softly.

She just shrugs her shoulders and looks down. There is some doubt there, maybe I can work that. Fuck! I wish I had Esme's quick mind right at the moment. She would come up with something really clever to say to get her to understand. I close my eyes again, allowing the tears to fall.

"So you were never really my friend?" I choke out, surprised by how sad that simple statement makes me feel.

She sighs, "I was your friend but…"

I look at her, unable to wipe the tears from my eyes.

"But what?" I say sniffling.

"But… She loves me more than she likes you." James snickers as he kisses the top of her head.

She looks up and offers him a small smile but it looks forced. Good! Maybe there is hope for her after all. I need some time with her, alone. James grins at me and then tells her to bring me over to the living room. She helps me up and walks me over to the chair I was in previously.

"Vicky, please... Help me!" I whisper as she sets me down into the chair.

She doesn't say anything. She just walks into the kitchen area and leans against the counter.

"So... Are you planning on being a good girl or do I need to beat the shit out of you again?" James asks nonchalantly.

"I can't make any guarantees." I say not quite with the same bravado I had earlier.

He raises his hand and I can't help but flinch. He smiles widely as I frown, angry at myself. But the reality is I am not sure how much more I can take, several of my ribs are definitely broken and hurt anytime I move, my jaw feels dislocated and I can barely see out of my left eye. Plus, I really need to know what he is up to because I can't stop something if I don't know what he is planning on doing.

"How long have you been following me, James?" I ask, generally curious.

"Since your move to Los Angeles. I must say it has been rather enlightening watching you turn into the whore I always knew you would be." He laughs at my responding glare.

When he stops laughing he leans back in his chair.

"It was fun watching you fuck up your pathetic little life. Of course the Domme thing was an interesting twist; ultimately though you turned out to be weak, just like your slut mother!"

I grind my teeth together, trying to contain my anger. I need this fucker to keep talking.

"You were starting to get your shit together in LA though so I needed to intervene."

"It was you that fucked things up for me at SC." I state, livid. That's how Dr. Stone's wife found out about us. He has been fucking up my life for a long time.

"Well, I thought that she ought to know that her husband was fucking around on her." He says grinning.

"Yeah, well you would know all about fucking around on someone, wouldn't you?" I say seething.

He stops grinning and backhands me. FUCK!

"As I was saying, once you moved to Seattle you really started to fuck up. I guess not getting your fix at the hospital made you careless. You really would fuck just about anyone." He says shaking his head and making that damn tsk-tsk sound at me, "I could have sent your little clueless boyfriend dozens of pictures but I just picked some of the best ones. The ones with his little enemy were especially nice now weren't they?"

I take a deep breath, remembering how hard it had been for Edward. How difficult it was for him to see me with Mike. I can feel tears falling from my eyes but can't do anything about it.

"How did you get Mike involved?" I almost don't want to know.

"After your little stunt in the club I watched him. He was extremely agitated and I overheard him making comments about Edward. I offered him a way to get even with his 'enemy' while helping me out in the process." He frowns slightly, "Of course he fucked up in the elevator but even that worked out in my favor. He's been my bitch ever since."

He laughs and sets his gun down on his lap, then glances over at me. How could I have not seen or felt him around me. Was I so fucked up that I was oblivious to the danger that was clearly all around me?

"So you were at the club?"

"Yes but you were so busy trying to fuck your boy toy to even notice anyone else."

I glare at him and he laughs again, picking up his gun and leaning towards me.

"Well, I guess I have to give you credit for trying to not be a slut after you met this boy but it runs in the veins I suppose. Your mom was such a skank!" He says shaking his head. Well. I can't really argue with that assessment as that was exactly my view of her as well.

"So… tell me, was your dad a drunk? Is that why you enjoy alcohol so much?" He asks arching his brow.

"Fuck you! My dad was a good man, unlike you… you sick fuck!"

He full out belly laughs and then gets up grabbing me by the hair, pulling me towards the table with all the surgical supplies.

"You have no idea how sick I can be." He hisses in my ear.

"What are you going to do?" I barely choke out, fear for Edward overriding any concept of self-preservation I might have.

"Well…" He says, pulling me into a choke hold. "I plan on shooting your little boyfriend and having you watch him die in front of you, when you have the tools to save him lying right here in front of you." He whispers in my ear as he taps the table with all the supplies on it. "Pretty clever huh?"

I slouch against him, tears coming full force as I shake my head vigorously back and forth, "No… please… just kill me… don't hurt him…"

I start sobbing as visions of my nightmare come back to me.

"Oh yes, I have thought long and hard about how best to hurt you. But after graduation I realized that that fool was never going to leave you. And I'm sorry but there is no way in hell you are going to get your little happily ever after." He tightens his grip around my neck "Not after what you did to me."

"Please…James… I will do anything." I beg.

He grins, "I imagine you would." He lets go of my neck, "But that's not what I want. Although..." He runs his gun down my cheek, "You do remind me of your mother and she sure could fuck." He whispers in my ear, causing me to cringe. He laughs again, "No, slut, you can't fuck your way out of this one."

He guides my defeated body back to the chair.

"As immensely pleasurable as it was watching you fall apart and get sent away which I did rather enjoy. I think sitting back and watching you," he waves his gun in my direction, "sit here while this boy you love so much dies a slow and painful death," he grins so widely when my face drains of all color, "will be the sweetest revenge imaginable."

He brings his gun under my chin, using it to lift my chin up so that I am forced to look into his evil and monstrous face, "Considering you took my life away. It is only fitting that I take yours."

I look over at the table and then back at him, "He doesn't know where I am." I say softly, praying that it is true.

Another evil grin crosses his face. "Oh Isabella, he does know where you are." He leans forward slightly, "Do you want to know a secret?"

I frown at him, causing him to laugh again.

"I know exactly how to get under his skin. I have done it many times. He is very predictable. And, well, I received a call not too long ago so I know he will be barging in soon to rescue his fucked up damsel in distress." He looks at his watch "In fact, he should be arriving shortly."

Oh God! NO… and no sooner than he says those words I hear movement at the door. I look up as Mike walks in. He is beat up pretty badly, serves him right. James immediately starts laughing and then Edward comes barging in with Carlisle close behind him. James casually gets up and walks behind me, pulling me into a choke hold again and motioning with his gun for them to come forward. Edward stares at me, tears streaking his beautiful face and then it transforms into something full of rage and deadly. He starts to sprint towards us and I hear James cock his gun_._

"NO!" I scream over the sound of his gun firing.

* * *

><p><strong>AN… GAH! I know, I know… sorry but I really had to end it there. Go ahead… be mad at me, I have braced myself for your rage :-) The next chapter will be Edward's POV cause what on earth was he doing all this time and how did he find them and worse yet, was he shot? Will James get what he wants? Is Vicky a friend or a foe or both? Inquiring minds want to know. **

**So don't forget to check the blog for pictures of James and Vicky. You know, so you have a visual of our evil doers and can hate them properly.**

**So… if you aren't too angry with me send me a review, let me know what you're thinking… hmm, I may regret saying that….LOL**


	52. Ch 51: Without You

**Rating: M- For lemons (lots of them), language and situations. So this means if you're under 16 please be responsible for yourself.**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer is the sole owner of the world of Twilight. I am just having a little harmless fun with her characters.**

**Once again thank you to my amazing Beta's A & C for your guidance, encouragement & support. Man oh man, thanks for making me smile, EVERY SINGLE DAY! There are no pictures for this chapter but the new song has been updated. The song I picked for this chapter is by David Guetta. I absolutely love this song, so much so that it is my current ringtone…LOL… but, it also fits perfectly with Edward right now.**

**I know last chapter was difficult and I also know you want to know what is going to happen next so let's get to it.**

* * *

><p>I can't win, I can't reign<br>I will never win this game without you, without you  
>I am lost, I am vain<br>I will never be the same without you, without you

I won't run, I won't fly  
>I'll never make it by without you, without you<br>I can't rest, I can't fight  
>All I need is you and I, without you, without you<p>

Can't erase, so I'll take blame  
>But I can't accept that we're estranged without you, without you<br>I can't quit now, this can't be right  
>I can't take one more sleepless night without you, without you<p>

I won't soar, I won't climb  
>If you're not here, I'm paralyzed without you, without you<br>I can't look, I'm so blind  
>I lost my heart, I lost my mind without you, without you<p>

Without You by David Guetta featuring Usher

**Chapter 51: Without You**

**EPOV**

"Sir?" I hear someone say close to me but I don't move.

I honestly don't know how long I have been sitting here staring into nothingness, or when exactly the activity around me started to die down. I just know that I feel lost. I can't do this without Bella. I need her and now who knows where she could be. My heart aches with the knowledge that if I hadn't left then I would have been here and maybe I could have stopped whatever happened.

"Sir? I need to ask you some questions." I still don't move.

"I have told you everything you need to know." I hear my dad say forcefully. I don't have to see him to know that he is angry.

"Mr. Cullen I know this may come as a shock to you but you don't dictate this investigation. I need to talk to your son and you have kept him from me long enough. Now unless you want me to arrest you for obstruction, step aside." The officer, I would presume, says.

Obviously he doesn't realize who he is addressing because if he did he would recognize that my dad dictates everything in his life. I hear movement around me and then feel a hand touch my shoulder. I finally move slightly, blinking my eyes, trying to focus on something, on anything. As I turn my head I find myself staring into my mother's troubled face. She pulls me into her arms and I start crying immediately.

"It's my fault… if I hadn't left… I wasn't here for her… I left her… Oh God!" I say, in between uncontrollable sobs.

"Shhh…" My mom whispers as she starts running her fingers along the nape of my neck and then down my back, trying to calm me down.

"Sir… I know this is probably very difficult for you but I need to ask you some questions." The officer says and I hear my dad mumble and huff something about him not having any idea what I'm going through.

The officer hesitates and then speaks in a more clipped tone, "The longer we wait the lower the odds of us finding her… alive."

What's left of my heart drops at that very moment and I look over at him, fear gripping my soul, "I left her here, with Felix. I thought she would be safe."

My breathing hitches as my heart pounds at an unhealthy pace at the mere thought of her in any kind of pain or worse. All of a sudden I remember my dreams, how she was dying and I was helpless to save her. I start breathing quickly, closely approaching a full-fledged panic attack.

"Honey… you need to breathe. Take a breath sweetie." Mom murmurs in her soft and gentle voice.

I close my eyes and take a few deep breaths in and out, trying to calm myself. I can't help Bella if I am having a damn panic attack. I need to get my shit together.

"Your father said that you have been stalked by…" he looks through his notes.

"James Smith, he was her stepfather. She testified against him regarding abuse he inflicted on her and her mother. He was sent to prison because of it. He blames her for ruining his life." I say taking a quick breath.

"Was the stalking reported?" He asks casually.

At this I glare at him, standing up quickly, "Yes. We reported it and your people didn't give a shit. You guys didn't help us and now look what happened. We were told to inform you if it escalated. So tell me, has it escalated enough for you guys to care?" I screech into his face, my fists clenched at my sides.

My dad gets in between us, setting me back down in the chair and taking a defensive posture in front of me. I bring my head down, wrapping my hands in my hair. Before I know what is going on I hear a commotion at the door as Emmett and Rosalie push their way through. Rosalie is crying and runs over to me; she gets on her knees looking into my distraught face.

"Edward, what happened? Where is she?"

I feel the tears start to come down my face again as I shake my head, "I don't know."

She wraps her arms around me, "Oh God, Edward, I am so sorry. I didn't realize… I… Bella is strong Edward, she will do whatever it takes to survive." She says through her own tears.

I nod against her and look up into Emmett's concerned face and a few moments later Jazz and Alice storm into the suite. Alice immediately rushes over to me, holding me tightly, and whispering that everything will be okay over and over again. I want to believe her but I have doubt. James has been after her for years and he isn't going to let her go easily.

"Mr. Cullen… We need to talk, privately." The detective says frustrated.

"Whatever you need to say can be said in front of my family." I say gripping my sister's hand, wanting desperately for her optimism to invade my wary soul.

He sighs and looks around the room at all of us and then back at me. "Tell me what happened."

I close my eyes and lean back into the chair before telling him everything that I could think of including me going to Mike's house and beating the shit out of him. My mom cringes when I get to that part and looks over at my father who looks down, avoiding her stern gaze while Emmett and Jazz smirk slightly. An hour later the detective is out the door on his way over to Mike's. The minute the door shuts behind him dad is on the phone.

"_Yeah, the detective is on his way over there."_

I am watching him. Shit! If Mike wants to press charges are they going to arrest me? A new set of fears enters my mind. If I am arrested then how will I find Bella?

"_Just leave him there and remind him what I told him before we left." My dad says calmly but a few seconds later his expression changes and morphs into something terrifying._

"_I don't care if he thinks he's going to bleed to death. He's not, but he'll wish he had after I'm done with him."_

My mother clears her throat and dad turns to her, sighing deeply at her look of disapproval. He then scans the room looking at the terrified expressions on all of our faces and frowns.

"_Fine, take him to the hospital after the detective leaves." He says rolling his eyes._

"_No… I want you close by. I want to know what he says."_

"_IMPROVISE!" My dad shouts into the phone._

"_I want eyes and ears on him at ALL times, Jenks. Call me when he seems to be done at the hospital." He pauses, presumably listening to whatever Jenks is saying._

"_No… we aren't done with him." He says eerily._

"_Yeah..." He pauses for a moment and nods as he turns away from us._

"_Oh, he will tell me something, I'll make sure of it." He says cryptically._

My dad hangs up and begins pacing back and forth in the room as we all watch his movement. I have never seen my dad this livid. Even when he first met Bella he wasn't this enraged. I can tell he is thinking things through because his forehead is scrunched together and he is mumbling. After a few moments my mom gets up walking over to him and touching his shoulder softly. He stops pacing and looks at her, his expression changing immediately as he pulls her into his arms, holding her tightly. He is whispering something to her and she is nodding against him.

"I need to do something." I say looking down, "I can't just sit here waiting for them to tell me bad news" I jump up quickly, "What do I do, dad?" I say looking directly at my parents who are now watching me closely.

"We talk to Mike again, try to determine where she is. By the time the police figure it out she could be dead." He stares at me intently "I won't allow that to happen."

I nod and finally glance around the room. I start walking around trying to see if there is anything that might direct me to Bella. I know what should be and should not be here. There has to be something here, something I am not seeing. I walk over to the couch and run my fingers along the back of it, noticing a few drops of blood on the seat cushion. I close my eyes, steadying my racing heart before walking out to the balcony. I look out at the water for a long time, trying to find some kind of solace here. Bella loves being near the water, it makes her so content and calm. I close my eyes letting the sounds of the water soothe me as my thumb continuously traces over the engraving of her name on the bracelet she gave me for my birthday.

_The sun is setting beautifully over the water, as we lay together on one of the lounge chairs out on the balcony. We have a blanket draped over us as we listen to the water crash below and marveling at the magnificent colors before us. She has worked the last couple of nights so this is the first time the two of us have had a chance to watch the sunset. She has her arms wrapped tightly around my chest and our legs are intertwined with one another. It's the most peaceful we have been since arriving here a few days ago. This almost feels normal._

"_We should start another book. I'd love to read to you out here. It's so peaceful." I whisper as I kiss the top of her head._

"_That would be nice. What do you have in mind?" She asks running her fingers along my chest._

"_Hmm… maybe, __A Farewell to Arms__. Have you read it?" I inquire._

_She laughs, "Let me guess, another Hemingway novel?" She looks up at me grinning "Tell me baby, do you have any other favorite authors ASIDE from the phenomenal, Nobel prize winning, depressed and angsty, Ernest Miller Hemingway?" She questions, tapping my chin with her forefinger with each point she makes._

_I smile and flip her over so that I am now on top of her. I grin mischievously at her as I start tickling her relentlessly. She is squirming and laughing underneath me, unintentionally rubbing against my cock which immediately comes to life for her._

"_Are you teasing me, Ms. Swan?" I say giving her my crooked smile as I arch my brow._

_She bucks her hips into me, "I don't know Professor Cullen, am I teasing you?"_

_I bring my mouth to hers, kissing her deeply while slipping my hand over her body until it is at the waist band of her yoga pants. I slip my fingers around the edges of the waist band and start moving them down her legs. She smiles against my mouth as she unsnaps my jeans, pushing them over my hips. I quickly dispose of them as she pulls her top off. I toss mine off as well, flinging it in the chair next to us. I start kissing along her collar bone and then down to her breasts, gently tugging and pulling on her rings. I swirl my tongue around her elongated nipples as she guides me to her entrance. I push into her slowly as she arches up, wrapping her legs around me._

"_Isabella." I bring my mouth back to hers._

_She starts swiveling her hips and moaning softly against my mouth. I move in and out of her slowly, wanting to make this last as long as possible. As much as I love it when we have that intense crazy sex this is what I cherish the most. Making love to her, entering her slowly, over and over again, feeling her walls tighten around me as she softly whispers my name._

"Edward?" I hear my dad say loudly.

I open my eyes slowly, staring at him blankly. God! How long have I been out here, the sun is already starting to set?

"I am going to talk with Mike. I want you to stay here."

"I'm coming too dad. I don't want to be in the dark. I need to know. I promise I won't hurt him again." I say, sighing.

He frowns, "I'm not worried about _you_ hurting him."

What does that mean? I glance around the balcony again, noticing The Great Gatsby lying haphazardly on my chair. I close my eyes tightly and take a deep breath before walking over there and picking it up, bringing it inside.

"He's coming with me." My dad says quickly as he starts walking towards the door.

"Carlisle…NO!" Mom yells, clearly frightened.

"Es… he wants to be there. He has a right to be. There would be no one that could keep me home if it was you missing. I won't make him stay." He says to her calmly and assuredly.

She closes her eyes as tears start to fall down her cheeks, slowly she nods at him.

"We're coming too!" Emmett and Jasper say in unison jumping up from the chairs they were sitting in.

"No… you are not. I won't be responsible for either of you and I won't be able to do what I need to do if you two are there as well." He arches his brows at them in a knowing way.

They both stare at him and start to say something but dad just shakes his head. They let out defeated sighs and sit back down. I set the book on the coffee table and run my hand in my hair, glancing back at the drops of blood on the couch.

"I'm coming baby. I will find you!" I whisper to myself.

I don't say anything to anyone as I follow my dad out the door. When we get in the elevator he looks at me and then rests his head against the back of the elevator closing his eyes. His face looks different to me. It isn't the way he normally is or maybe I just don't see this side of him. This 'I will do anything and fuck anyone over to get what I need' persona. Maybe that's why Mom wanted me to stay.

My dad was never a boy scout or one to the follow the rules for that matter. And, he never really talked about his life in Chicago, just that he was always in trouble and hanging out with the wrong kinds of people. He always laughed and said it has helped him succeed in business because he has a skill that they can't teach you in business school. I had asked him once what that skill was and he had just smiled and said he had ways of making people do what he needed them to do. As I watch him leaning against the elevator wall I realize that I am about to see this 'skill' of his in action and all of a sudden I'm not so sure I want to see this side of him, but then again, if it means finding Bella. I will do anything to find her even if that means watching my dad morph into something I will probably regret seeing.

When the elevator doors open he pushes off of the elevator wall and strides out of it with an air of confidence that I don't believe I will ever possess. He doesn't say anything to me or anyone else until we are in his vehicle. He had told his driver to wait at the hotel, that he would drive himself. That's odd. Dad never drives anymore. He touches the phone in the car and a few moments later we are connected to Jenks.

"_Where is he?" Dad says coolly._

"_He's still here at the hospital. He is complaining to the doctors and nurses but everyone is being cold to him." He starts laughing "Guess who his doctor was?"_

_My dad almost laughs, "Dr. Black?"_

_Jenks is laughing riotously on the other end, "Yeah, go figure huh?"_

"_We're on our way over there. We should be there very soon."_

"_Whose we?" He hesitates, "Ah hell, you didn't bring Junior did you?"_

"_Deal with it Jenks. He has a right to be there."_

"_Ah man. He's going fuck it up, Carlisle! He can't handle shit like this."_

_Dad just sighs, "Well, he will."_

"_Fine… whatever, you're the boss." We hear commotion in the background "Hey hold on, he is at the counter. I think he is done. We will meet you out front."_

"_Alright." Dad says disconnecting the phone._

He glances in my direction, "I will get answers one way or another. Are you going to be okay with that?"

I swallow hard and take a deep breath, "Yes, if it means finding Bella." I say firmly.

He nods, "I normally can intimidate people and they will do what I want out of fear of losing my business or of me taking their business away from them but this is an entirely different situation. You understand that don't you?"

I must have nodded because he continues speaking, "I will do whatever it takes to get what we need. You can't interfere with what I do. You can't respond emotionally at all. Can you do that son?"

I nod, unsure what I am actually agreeing to.

"You need to trust me even if what I do frightens you." He says calmly as we pull into the parking lot of Northwest.

"I do. I won't interfere and I won't react." I promise, this time with more conviction.

He smiles, "Good."

We pull up to the front of the hospital and see Jenks next to Mike. Mike looks absolutely pissed off and his face is all messed up. He looks like one of those boxers after losing a 10 round fight. I smirk slightly. When we pull up Jenks opens the rear door and shoves Mike inside and then follows him in. I don't turn around but bring my visor down so I can see him. His face drains of all color as he looks at my dad and then me in the front seat.

"We have unfinished business, Mr. Newton." Dad says darkly, glancing at him in the rear view mirror.

"I've told you everything." Mikes says, already looking defeated.

"We shall see." Dad says ominously as he turns his eyes away from Mike.

We drive for a long time, going somewhere out of Seattle city limits. Where is he taking us? The whole way there Mike is slowly freaking out. He is sweaty and nervous, moving around in his seat, darting his eyes around, trying to figure out where dad is taking him. He knows he is in deep shit and that my father would not hesitate to ruin him, maybe worse based on what my dad just said. No one is speaking but there is an air of foreboding circling around us all. We pull up to a small house in an area I wouldn't travel to at night. He presses a button in the vehicle and the garage door opens up. He pulls in and gets out of the car, quickly walking through an unlocked door.

I watch as Jenks shoves Mike towards the door dad just went through. I follow Jenks, looking around as we enter. It isn't much to look at but it isn't horrible either. It is sparsely furnished with just three chairs in the living room area, two on one side facing the other one. There is no coffee table just a small table between the set of two chairs. That's kind of an odd configuration. There is no television, no dining room table, and no pictures on the wall. This place barely looks lived in. In a corner of the room there is a large computer table that spans a section of both sides of the walls near it. There are a couple of computers, a top of the line printer, several monitors, some sort of laminating machine and more surveillance equipment then is probably legal. I glance at Jenks who immediately goes into the kitchen and grabs a beer out of the fridge and leans against the counter. Hmm, this must be Jenks' place. I glance over at my dad as he motions for Mike to sit down in the chair that is by itself. Dad sits in the chair across from him and leans back, staring at him intently as Mike squirms in his chair uncomfortably.

"We have a problem, Mr. Newton." Dad says, glancing down and running his hand down his tie a few times.

"I don't know anything else Mr. Cullen. If I did I would tell you." Mike says, his voice shaking with fear.

"I don't believe you, Mr. Newton." Dad says, finally look up at him.

I walk inside the room and sit in the vacant seat near my father while Jenks remains in the kitchen watching my dad. Mike quickly looks at me but I glare at him and he turns away. My dad stands and walks over to him, pulling him up by his shirt.

"You see Mr. Newton, this person you call John is actually a man named James and he has taken Isabella and I need to know where he would take her."

Mike stares at him, confusion on his face and then panic.

"I had no idea he was going to take her." Mike quickly says.

My dad tosses him down, hard. "You're lying!" He says as he sets his hands on either side of Mikes' chair, getting real close to him, staring deeply into his eyes, "I don't tolerate lies, Mr. Newton." Dad says coolly.

"I'm not. I swear. I would tell you." He says, his voice cracking as he tries to move as far back from my dad as possible.

"You went to a real estate agent and a department store. What did you get?" My dad hollers at him.

Mike is breathing heavily now, sweat dripping from his forehead, "Um, I didn't do anything in the real estate agent's office. He knew you were following me. He wanted to throw you off." He mumbles.

Dad frowns and sits down again, leaning back slightly and crossing his legs, "What else?" Dad says as he gives a head nod to Jenks.

"I bought rope and…" he stops talking when Jenks walks up, setting a rope, a very large hunting knife, and a gun on the small table between my dad and I.

My dad picks up the knife, playing with it in his hand like some crazy person, as Mike swallows hard. Holy Hell! What is my Dad doing? Is he going to kill him? My dad arches his brow at Mike and motions with the knife in a rolling manner, for Mike to continue talking. Mike darts his eyes around the room and is unable to talk. My Dad grins as he takes the knife and brings it to Mike's cheek, moving Mike's distraught face back to him.

"I am not a patient man Mr. Newton." My dad says nonchalantly as he brings the tip of the knife to his cheek and stops, staring at Mike's terrified expression. "Tell me what I want to know or I will fuck you up so bad not even Ms. Stanley will want to fuck you."

"I…I…" is all Mike is able to utter out.

"I… WHAT!" Dad says forcefully, pushing the knife into his cheek slightly. Mike winces as blood starts to drip from where the tip of the knife is.

"I picked up some miscellaneous things for him, some general first aid items, nothing major." Mikes stutters through tears.

My phone buzzes and I am forced to turn away from them all. I don't know this number. That's weird.

*****What to do, what to do*****

That's a strange message and then a few seconds later another message comes through.

*****Ah, I know*****

A few moments later my phone buzzes again and indicates that there are pictures downloading. What the hell? I gasp loudly when I see what is sent. The first picture is of Bella lying on the floor, she is curled in a ball. Oh God! My dream… The next one is a close up of Bella's face which is bruised and swollen and the third one is a picture of her hands tied tightly behind her back. I jump up and dart over to Mike, grabbing him away from my father and throwing him against the wall. I take my phone and shove it in his face.

"Look at that you fucker."

He winces when he sees the photo. He is probably trying to decide what is worse, dealing with me or my father.

"You tell me what you know," I grab his face and slam his head against the wall, "or I swear I will kill you." I slam his head again, "Tell me!" I slam it again. "TELL ME!" I scream at him.

My dad grabs my shoulder and shoves me out of the way, grabbing Mike and looking at his glazed over eyes. I start pacing back and forth, trying to calm myself down. My dad turns to me.

"Sit down Edward. Shit! He can't tell us anything if he is unconscious." Dad hollers at me.

"I told you he would fuck it up." Jenks quickly jumps in as he brings some smelling salts to Mike's nose. "He doesn't have the disposition for this shit."

Mike starts coughing, bringing his hand to the back of his head which is now wet with blood. He is looking between my dad and me, not sure who he should fear the most.

"You better tell me something Mr. Newton. The longer you wait the harder it is going to be for you." My Dad says calmly, regaining his composure and control.

"Once, about a month ago, a woman answered his phone." Mike whimpers.

My dad stands straight and I stop pacing, looking over to him. A woman?

"Describe her?" My dad says agitatedly.

"I only saw her once, um…" he closes his eyes and rubs his head, "I don't really remember her. All I remember is that she had red-hair."

Shit! The only person I know with red hair is Vicky. Wait! I think she was supposed to see Bella today. I think I remember Bella saying Vicky was coming over. Oh God! Could she be working with James?

"It's Vicky." I say softly.

My dad turns to me, "Vicky?"

"Her sponsor… she was supposed to see her today. Felix wouldn't let Bella go to any meetings this past week because she wanted to go alone. Vicky was going to come over today." I put my head down, "Vicky was worried about her, she insisted on seeing her today."

Both Jenks and Dad look at me. My dad then turns to Mike and back hands him. When Mike falls to the ground my dad grabs him and pulls him back up.

"This is information you should have told us earlier." He says venomously as he tosses Mike back against the wall, hard enough to cause Mike to wince in pain. This time when Mike slouches on the ground my dad leaves him there, looking over at Jenks.

"When I researched him, he wasn't linked to anyone." Jenks says confused, he then looks over at me "What's her last name?" he says quickly as he starts walking swiftly to the corner with all his equipment.

"I'm not sure. I only knew her as Vicky but Bella said she was a lawyer at a firm downtown. Can you check that way?" I say trying to piece it all together.

Jenks rolls his eyes at me, "Of course I can check that way."

I start pacing behind him, running my hand frantically in my hair.

"Junior… quit hovering, it's annoying!" He says frustrated.

"Edward… leave him be. He works better that way." Dad says sitting down.

Dad glances in Mike's direction. He is still slumped against the wall and it sounds like he is crying. My dad motions for my phone and I reluctantly hand it over. He flips through the pictures and furrows his eyebrows when he sees what I was sent. He turns to Mike again and he looks like he is actually contemplating whether he should kill him or not.

"Found her!" Jenks shouts from the corner.

We hear quick typing and then, "No properties in her name. Just her condo but there is no way he would have taken Bella there." He says swiveling around in his chair to face us.

My dad turns to Mike, "You are going to call him and find out where he is."

"He won't tell me." Mike says crestfallen.

"You tell him that the police were here and that you need to get out of town. Tell him you need money or you are going to call the police back and tell them everything."

"He'll kill me if I do that." Mike says, his voice once again shaking.

Dad gets up quickly, grabbing him up from the floor and getting real close to his battered up face, "What do think I am going to do to you?" Dad says malevolently. "But, he might kill you quickly while I will take my time doing it. Which do you prefer?"

"Okay, okay." Mike says swallowing hard.

Mike takes a deep breath and pulls out his phone. He hits a speed dial number as we all sit and watch him carefully.

"_Yeah, it's me. We need to meet"_

"_No… now!"_

"_They know. They know it's you. A detective talked to me earlier. I need to get out of town. You need to get me some money so I can do that or I am going to call that cop back."_

"_Fuck you. I didn't sign up for all this kidnapping and shit."_

"_Yeah, whatever… If you hadn't made me deliver that shit to that whore I wouldn't be in this mess right now."_

"_Fuck you. He caught me off guard. I have kicked his ass many times."_

"_Quit fucking laughing asshole. Where the hell are you?"_

"_Yeah, I can find it. Do you have money on you?"_

"_Alright, I'll be there as soon as I lose that fuckhead Jenks."_

We all glare at him after he hangs up. He just shrugs his shoulders as he pockets the phone.

"Hey, if I didn't talk like that he would have known something was up."

"Yes, yes… so where are they?" My dad says dismissively.

"They're at 1318 95th Street." He says looking at Jenks.

I jump up immediately, "Let's go!"

"Son, sit down. We need a plan. We can't just barge in there. We don't know what we would be walking into." My dad says calmly, motioning for me to sit back down and turning to Jenks, "Get the plans for the residence so we know what we're working with."

"Already on it." He says as we hear clicking in the corner.

Jenks pulls it up in no time and prints out the floor plan. Jenks and my dad are talking and I am just pacing. We need to get over there. Who knows what else he has already done to her. I pull out my phone looking at the pictures again, Fuck! They're over there plotting this whole thing while Bella is hurting. She could be dead right now while they are 'deciding' how to handle things.

"Enough! Let's go. I won't sit here knowing she is being beaten by that sick fuck. I'm going with or without you." I say determinedly.

Jenks just rolls his eyes and looks at my dad who sighs.

"Let's go." Dad says to Jenks.

We all usher back into the car and leave Jenks' place on our way to where James has Bella. There is nothing nearby which is really weird. Everyone but Jenks gets out. He and my Dad share some kind of nonverbal dialogue as he nods and drives down the block. My heart is racing and I am filled with fear. Not fear for my safety but that of Bella's. Worst case scenarios have been floating in my head all day.

Mike takes a deep breath before walking through the door. We hear laughter inside and my heart drops into my stomach. Bella is inside there and I need to get to her. I push past my dad and walk in, my dad on my heels. I see Bella sitting on a chair. James is behind her holding her up in a choke hold, motioning with his gun for us to come in. She is really beat up and I can't stop the tears from falling down my face. I turn to James and every fiber in my being is telling me to kill him. I don't even think I just make a dash towards Bella. I hear Bella yell no as James fires his gun. My dad jerks me back to him and I stare in horror as Mike falls to the ground. Holy Shit! He just killed Mike. I mean, I hated the guy but I never wanted him dead.

"Come here boy!" James sneers at me.

"Let her go!" My voice is filled with unbridled rage.

He smiles as he lets go of her neck, leaving her gasping for air. She is staring at me with tears in her eyes. I mouth the words _I love you_ to her to which she mouths _always_. James catches our exchange and laughs.

"Well, always will be rather short now won't it, slut!" He says grinning at her as she closes her eyes tightly. What does that mean?

"Sit down." He motions to me and my dad, "Vicky tie them up."

I don't take my eyes off of Bella and only barely notice Vicky and what she is doing. Whatever happens now, it will be with Bella by my side and that's all that matters. I notice Bella look up at Vicky, pleading with her eyes and then see her mouth the word _please_ to her. Vicky doesn't say anything or acknowledge Bella as she walks back around, passing a table with medical supplies on it. Her hand slips on the table quickly and then she goes around the back of the chair, touching James' back slightly. He grins at her and then looks over at me.

"You see boy. You made the unfortunate mistake of falling in love with a fucked up whore. She can't help it really. Her mother was quite the whore as well. So you see I am actually helping you. If you were to procreate with her your children would most certainly have that whore gene as well." He says vindictively.

I clench my teeth together and glare at him and I can feel the rage emanating from my father who whispers for me to keep quiet.

"Isabella is not a whore, you sick piece of shit. You beat an innocent child. You nearly killed her. The fact that she is here is a testament to how strong she is. You fucked up your own life asshole. She didn't cause any of this." I say indignantly to him, feeling my father tense near me.

James sneers at me. "Well, either way neither one of you will get your happily ever after." He says menacingly as he cocks his gun and points it at me.

In that moment everything seems to go in slow motion. Like one of those action movies that I never liked to watch. The gun goes off, I hear a chair scrape, and then my father pushes me out of the way, the bullet just nicking my side.

"YOU... FUCKING... ASSHOLE!" James screeches as he points the gun at my dad, firing quickly.

My dad falls to the ground in front of me just as James arches up, screaming and then falling to the ground. I see Bella over him as she twists what looks like a scalpel up through the left side of his lower back. He tries to move and she twists it further causing him to writhe and scream.

"You bitch!" He stutters out, moving slightly too almost face her.

"Just… fucking… die." Bella says through clenched teeth.

"You first, WHORE!" He grins, grabbing his gun.

I jump out of my frozen state and leap over my dad, kicking James hard in the neck, knocking Bella off of him in the process, just as the gun goes off. James falls still, blood pooling around his back where the scalpel is still inserted. Bella quickly gets up, wincing as she jerks the scalpel out of his back.

"Turn around." She says urgently, using the scalpel she just killed James with to cut the rope. Once freed from my binds I pull her into my arms.

"Are you okay?" I say quickly.

She nods as she looks down and sees the blood all over my shirt.

"Did he shoot you?" She asks, panicked.

"No...But…" All of a sudden I turn around and drop down next to my father.

Bella runs to my dad's other side, checking his pulse and ripping his shirt off. He has blood coming out of a hole in his shoulder. There is blood everywhere. She reaches over to grab the scalpel, yelping in pain but she doesn't stop. She quickly cuts the rope binding him.

"He's losing a lot of blood." She looks around frantically. "I need to stop the bleeding."

She jumps up again and limps over to the table with all the medical supplies, grabbing several items off of it. She winces as she gets back down on the floor. Her hand is shaking as she stares at him, tears streaking her face. I touch her hand, which stops shaking instantly; she looks at me, her eyes pleading but for what I don't know. Finally I just touch her cheek with my other hand.

"What do you need me to do, baby?" I ask softly.

She wipes her face with her arm, breathing in deeply, "Dab the surrounding area. The bullet is lodged in his shoulder. The longer it is in there the more damage it will cause. I am going to see if I can pull the bullet out."

She turns Dads face gently, so that he is facing her.

"Carlisle, this is going to hurt…badly… I don't know what these medicines are that James has so I don't trust them. They could be laced with something for all I know. I need to get the bullet out but…" She closes her eyes, "I have nothing to numb the pain." She says opening her eyes and looking at him, her face is laced with sadness.

He nods, "Just do it, Isabella."

She lets out a deep breath and closes her left eye, wiping around the area before moving some instrument that looks sort of like a giant pair of tweezers into the gunshot wound. My dad arches up immediately and lets out an ear-piercing scream that sends shivers down my spine.

"I'm sorry…I'm sorry…" She whispers and then turns to me, "Hold his shoulder down. I can't get to it if he moves." I nod and move my hands so I can hold dad's shoulder down.

There is blood everywhere and the more Bella digs into the hole the more my dad screams. I have tears coming down my face that I can't wipe away. I have never heard or seen my father in pain and watching him right now is making my heart break. If he dies it will be because he saved me. I hear movement outside the door and a few seconds later the police come storming into the room.

"I got it, I got it." Bella screams pulling out a bullet.

My dad smiles and nods at her and then closes his eyes, his body becoming stiff.

"Shit!" Bella looks at me, "Hold this right here." She says, handing me dad's shirt which is now bunched up.

She places my hand over the bullet wound and immediately starts CPR. Oh God, Oh God, Oh God… No, No, No… this can't be happening. I stare at my dad, terrified that I am about to lose him.

"Dad…no... Please…" I say full out crying. "Oh God… Dad… Hold on… Please…"

I watch in horror as Bella's expression changes, she is crying as well but she continues with the CPR, wincing every time she pushes down on his chest. Suddenly an EMT moves me out of the way and another one takes over for Bella. Asking what happened. Bella falls next to my dad holding onto her side as she starts reciting what she did, something about the bullet severing some artery, and that he needs to get to the hospital ASAP before he bleeds out. She told them she just started CPR right before they arrived. They use that defibrillator thing on my dad as I sit next to him, praying that he doesn't die. They zap him again and he starts coughing and I bring my hands into my hair, breathing erratically.

"Sir, are you hurt?" The first EMT asks me, motioning to my side, which is still bleeding.

"It just nicked my side, it barely hurts. Is my dad okay?"

"He has lost a lot of blood." He says as they load my dad onto a stretcher and wheel him out.

What does that mean? Another EMT crew rushes inside and starts messing with Bella who has a faraway look on her face. Is she in shock or is she worse than she was letting on? They get her on a stretcher and she starts moving trying to get up.

"Ma'am… please, lay still. We need to get you to the hospital." The EMT says softly.

"Edward!" She screams.

I touch her hand, "I'm here baby. It's over." I say kissing her hand softly, "It's over."

She smiles and then closes her eyes.

* * *

><p><strong>AN…. Holy Crap! And don't freak out. I didn't kill Bella but hmmm, what about Daddy C, he has lost a lof of blood? oh, dang... you guys would seriously kill me wouldn't you?…LOL…Sooooo, ya know Mike had to die. I toyed with the idea of NOT doing it but he deserved to die for all that he did. BASTARD! And, Holy Hell! Does anyone else want to know what Daddy C did when he was in Chicago…DAMN! AND can these two finally have some peace and tranquility? God, I hope so. Hell, I needed to take back my supply of Xanax from my Beta's after writing the last couple of chapters….LOL**

**So as always, send me a review; let me know what you think. It looks like I have 4 more chapters left and then the epilogue… GASP… I don't know what I am going to do without these two.**


	53. Ch 52: These Small Hours

**Rating: M- For lemons (lots of them), language and situations. So this means if you're under 16 please be responsible for yourself.**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer is the sole owner of the world of Twilight. I am just having a little harmless fun with her characters.**

**OMG! FINALLY able to upload. Sorry for the delay but at least it is still Friday :-)**

**Once again thank you to my amazing Beta's A & C for your guidance, encouragement & support. Thanks for always fueling my ROBsession, hehehehe… There are no pictures for this chapter but the new song has been added. Thanks A for suggesting this song a gazillion years ago (okay, that is slightly exaggerated…LOL) but I really like it and think it fits perfectly for this chapter. So, you all know I love Rob... Thomas, that is (Well, Pattinson was a given wasn't it?) anyway, the song is about moving forward and letting the past be the past. Good lesson for all of us if you ask me.**

**So last chapter was pure crazy I know. I also know you all have some unanswered questions. Damn Edward for not paying attention to anything once he entered the room. That Bella tunnel vision he has gets him in trouble all the time. So, let's get to it, shall we?**

* * *

><p>Let it go, let it roll right off your shoulder<br>Don't you know? The hardest part is over  
>Let it in; let your clarity define you in the end<br>We will only just remember how it feels

All lives are made in these small hours  
>These little wonders, these twists and turns of fate<br>Time falls away but these small hours  
>These small hours still remain<p>

Let it slide, let your troubles fall behind you  
>Let it shine 'till you feel it all around you<br>And I don't mind if it's me you need to turn to  
>We'll get by; it's the heart that really matters in the end<br>All of my regret will wash away somehow  
>But I cannot forget the way I feel right now<p>

Little Wonders by Rob Thomas

**Chapter 52: These small hours**

**BPOV**

"_You see boy. You made the unfortunate mistake of falling in love with a fucked up whore. She can't help it really. Her mother was quite the whore as well. So you see I am actually helping you. If you were to procreate with her your children would most certainly have that whore gene as well." James says vindictively._

_Oh God! Fuck Swan, Hurry… I start moving the scalpel that Vicky dropped into my hand even quicker. I guess she really was my friend after all or maybe she just realized how fucking crazy James is but whatever the reason, she helped me._

_Edward looks at him angrily, "Isabella is not a whore, you sick piece of shit. You beat an innocent child. You nearly killed her. The fact that she is here is a testament to how strong she is. You fucked up your own life asshole. She didn't cause any of this."_

"_Well, either way neither one of you will get your happily ever after." James says menacingly as he cocks his gun and points it at Edward._

_Shit! Shit! Shit! I hear a gunshot but can't tell if Edward is actually shot or not._

"_YOU… FUCKING… ASSHOLE!" James screeches as he points the gun at Carlisle, firing quickly._

_Fuck! The bindings finally come loose. I jump up, in serious pain but I don't care. I bring the scalpel around and shove it into James' side, hitting his kidney and pushing up. James' whole body arches, he is screaming and then falls to the ground. I continue to twist the scalpel up trying desperately to hit his spleen, assuring that he will bleed out quickly. James moves and I twist it more causing him to writhe in pain underneath me. Fuck, I keep missing it. Wait, yes, fuck YES!_

"_You bitch!" He stutters out, moving so that he is almost facing me._

"_Just… fucking… die." God! he's like one of those fucked up people in those horror movies that just keep getting up, trying to kill you._

"_You first, WHORE!" He grins, grabbing his gun._

"Baby." I hear Edward say next to me. "Baby, please wake up." He sounds frantic.

I startle awake, looking around confused. I am in the hospital, it looks like Northwest. How long have I been here? Edward is staring at me with concern and then it hits me. Everything that happened floods my brain as tears streak my face. That wasn't a dream; that was real.

"Carlisle?" I screech, panic clearly evident in my voice. He was bleeding badly. Is he okay?

"He's still in surgery." Edward says softly.

I start to move and Edward frowns at me. "What are you doing?" He says, his face showing his displeasure.

Excruciating pain shoots through my body. SHIT! I lay back down only then realizing my right arm is in a sling. I must have a clavicle fracture as well as several broken ribs.

"I am okay. I just have a few broken ribs and I think he dislocated my jaw again. I knew it wasn't broken because I could still talk. I'm okay babe. He has done worse to me." I say quickly, ignoring the pain in my jaw. Somehow I don't think I am helping my cause.

"Isabella. STOP!" He says forcefully.

He starts moving my hair behind my ear and then kisses me softly on the forehead.

"You're not okay sweetheart. He broke four of your ribs; they aren't sure how you were able to move let alone perform CPR." He gently strokes my cheek, barely grazing me and I flinch in pain. "He busted your lip up really bad, honey, and the blood vessel near your left eye burst so it is really swollen." He gently runs his fingers along the arm in the sling, "Your collar bone was also broken." He says sadly.

Hmm, well no wonder I can't move and fuck, everything is fuzzy on my left side. I hope that's not permanent.

He swallows, "I'm sorry I left you. I should have been there. This wouldn't have happened." He looks down and then back at me, his face is clouded with sorrow and regret, "Do you forgive me?"

"There is nothing to forgive." I reach my hand up and cup his cheek. I start to bring his face towards me and he stops me, shaking his head. What the hell. Do I look that hideous?

"Baby, you're hurt." He says with tears in his eyes as he rests his head against my forehead, where he kisses me softly. "I love you so much. I thought I lost you again."

"He told me he was going to shoot you. He wanted to revel in my anguish as I watched you die slowly and painfully when I had the tools to save you nearby." I close my eyes as my breathing hitches.

"You were so brave, baby." He says tenderly against me.

"I wasn't brave at all, I was scared shitless."

He shakes his head, his lips gently caressing every part of my face that isn't bruised or swollen or fucked up in some way which unfortunately is not a lot of places. He kisses the corner of my mouth and whispers _I love you_ as the door to my room opens and Dr. Meyer's steps inside.

"How are you feeling Dr. Swan?" He asks walking towards the bed.

"I wish I could say better. Are you releasing me?" I ask.

He laughs, "Doctors… terrible patients, just terrible." He starts shaking his head and grinning.

I try to smile but it doesn't quite work. Fucking James!

"Are you my doctor?" I ask confused. He's the chief of staff why would he be here?

"You know I AM a doctor as well." He says arching his brow at me.

I once again try to grin, "Well, generally speaking, once you hit chief of staff you don't have to do anymore doctoring." I manage to arch my brow, painfully but his resounding laugh was worth it.

"Point well-made Dr. Swan. But in all seriousness, when one of my doctors is hurt I want to oversee their care."

"Thank you, Dr. Meyers." I say, touched by his compassion.

"You're welcome. Now as you know we can't do anything about your ribs. I have taped them pretty good but you are going to need to restrain from any physical activity for several weeks." He says feeling around the edges of my taped ribs.

He had said his last statement all matter of fact, like what he just said isn't going to be pure torture. How the hell can Edward and I manage not having sex? Even the week before his birthday I was still giving him head every day but shit, with a dislocated jaw I won't even be able to do that. Fucking James!

Dr. Meyers starts tapping around my eye, and then moves his light back and forth in front of it. "I don't think you will have permanent damage to your eye but it's too early to tell."

I sigh, "I can't see out of it very well, everything is blurry."

I hear Edward gasp next to me.

"That should be temporary; there is still a lot of swelling. We will know more in a few days." He says touching around my cheek. "This will heal on its own. We just need to keep the swelling down." He moves his hand along my jawline, "Your jaw showed a previous break."

I nod and take Edwards hand. "It's been broken before, when I was 12."

Dr. Meyers looks up at me and for the first time his emotions show on his face as he nods slowly. "There isn't anything I can do for it aside from pain medication."

"You know I'm an addict." He nods at me as Edward grips my hand, "So… I shouldn't take any pain meds. They're all habit forming and I have no desire to deal with another addiction."

He nods, "I understand but…" He sighs and closes his eyes for a moment before looking back at me. "The recovery from these injuries without medication will be very painful."

"I know. I will manage." I say reassuringly.

He nods again and then moves my gown down slightly, touching around my collar bone, "X-rays show a clavicle break." He moves the bed so that I am in a sitting position. He then starts messing around with the sling. Shit this really blows. I won't be able to work and I won't be able to fuck AND it's gonna hurt like hell. What the hell am I supposed to do? FUCKING JAMES!

"How is that? Is it too tight, not tight enough?" Dr. Meyers asks.

I shift very slightly, wincing, "It's fine." I hesitate for a moment, "Do you know anything about what's going on with Carlisle?"

"I checked on him before I came in here and was told that surgery is going well. I am sure he will need physical therapy to get full motion back but he should be fine." He looks at Edward, "When he is done in surgery he will be taken to a recovery room where he will be monitored for a few hours. You can see him after he is moved from the recovery room."

Edward nods but doesn't move.

"There is a Dr. Jackson here that would like to see you. Would you like me to send her in?" Dr. Meyer's says softly.

"Dr. Jackson is here?" I look at him, puzzled, and then look at Edward, confused.

"I think my mom called her. She thought you might want to talk." That sounds like Esme, concerned about me when her husband is in surgery.

I turn to Dr. Meyers, "Yes, please send her in."

He nods and then walks out of the room, leaving Edward and I alone again. Edward isn't looking at me, just gently stroking my free hand.

"The police want to talk to you as well." He says barely above a whisper.

Well, I figured that was going to happen.

"But I will tell them to wait." He sounds so sad but he still hasn't looked up, I need to see him.

"Baby… please look at me." I plead.

He looks up and his expression is so distraught.

"I look worse than I feel but none of it matters. The only thing that matters is that James is gone and he can't bother us ever again." I reach my hand up to stroke his jaw which has a few days' worth of stubble on it, "My heart and soul will always be yours."

He grips my hand, kissing my palm. He closes his eyes tightly and I can tell that he is fighting back tears. We hear the door open and he sets my hand down, doing his best to smile at me.

"I'll go check on my dad." He says kissing my forehead and walking out of the room.

Dr. Jackson comes to the side of my bed and sits down where Edward just was. She is close to Esme's age and pretty steely. She is much like Esme and doesn't take my crap and let's face it, I need someone like that. She smiles as she looks up at me.

"I hope you don't mind me showing up like this. Esme… I'm sorry; Dr. Masen called me and told me what happened. I was worried about you."

I try to smile at her. "It's okay. I'm glad she called."

"I must say Isabella you are quite the fighter aren't you?"

I take a deep breath not feeling like much more than lucky at this point.

"You have survived your father's early death, and then your mother's many husbands, physical and emotional abuse, being without Edward, and now this." She moves my wayward strand of hair out of my face.

"You are quite possibly the bravest woman I have ever met."

I just shake my head, trying to fight back tears.

"Oh, yes, Ms. Swan. I believe you are. I know you have a hard time accepting your strength but at some point you are going to need to." She says determinedly, looking me straight in the eyes. "No one should ever have to go through what you have been through but you have shown just how special you really are." She sighs, "I hope that one day… soon… you will be able to see what I and others see in you." She says squeezing my hand.

I can't help but cry. Damn her. She always does this shit. I swear I leave her office crying like a damn baby every week. She lets me cry for a little bit, grabbing a Kleenex from one of the tables.

"That must have been very difficult being in James' presence again."

I nod, "But I stood up to him." I say wiping my eyes.

She smiles widely, "I bet you did." She moves that piece of hair out of my face again, "He probably thought he could waltz right in and break you."

"He almost did." I look down, "He threatened Edward and I… I just started begging."

"That's nothing to be ashamed of Isabella."

"I would have done anything to keep Edward safe."

She must not like the tone of that last comment because she sits up straight and looks at me with the most serious expression on her face, "Did he rape you Isabella?"

I shake my head, "No, but I don't know. There was one point where I think he could have." I look down again, "I would have let him if it meant he wouldn't hurt Edward."

"That would have still been rape Isabella." She says decisively.

"I don't know about that. I think it is fucked up that the thought crossed my mind. Doesn't that just tell you something about me?" I say angry at my weakness.

"Yes… It tells me that you were desperate and the first thought that came to your mind was maybe if I have sex with him, he will stop. It's an old script Isabella. Just because you have worked on a lot of things it doesn't mean those old scripts disappear. Just like when Edward left and your first thought was that you wanted to drink."

I am looking down, fiddling with the bed sheet, wallowing in shame. She takes her hand and moves it under my chin forcing me to look up into her eyes.

"But you didn't… Did you? You called people and dealt with it in other ways. Just because the thought was there doesn't mean you would have acted on it and it also doesn't mean that you love Edward any less."

I start breathing hard, full out crying now. She gently strokes my hand and lets me cry until I can't cry anymore. We then spend close to an hour talking specifically about what transpired, how it felt for me to kill James. I don't feel any remorse for that. He deserved to die. He was an evil and disgusting human being and I hope he is rotting in hell right about now. When the nurse comes back to check on me Dr. Jackson tells me she will see me later this week during our regular appointment time and off she went. I must admit I felt better after we talked but now I just want Edward and I want to get the hell out of here. Well, before I do that I want to check on Carlisle and look at his damn chart.

"NO, you can't look at your chart." Rosalie says grinning as she closes the door behind her.

"Well, I wanted to look at Daddy C's chart not mine, so there." I say sticking my tongue out at her.

She laughs as she comes to sit next to me. She moves my hair out of my face. Okay. Can someone just fix my damn hair already? Obviously this one piece is being a nuisance. She places a pair of scrubs near me.

"I'm sorry I was such a bitch about all the security and stuff. I thought everyone was going overboard." She looks down and sighs, "I wasn't a very good friend to you."

"I don't know Rosie… I didn't take it seriously either and you're my best friend so shut the fuck up about that."

"I feel like shit about HBG. I know we didn't get along but I never thought he would get hurt." She looks at me remorsefully.

"I miss him. He was so good to me and you know I can be a bitch. But he never complained." I look down and close my eyes, "He died right in front of me. There wasn't anything I could do." I feel the tears start to fall down my cheeks as my throat constricts from the heaviness of what I am feeling.

"I am sure if there was anything you could have done you would have. This isn't your fault Bella."

"I know but it feels like it is." I say, sighing.

"Well, it's not… so quit it." She says giving me her best bitch brow.

I grin at her and then she gets up, walking around behind the bed. She begins pulling my hair back and then takes a small comb out of her pocket. It's one of the one's I have seen behind the nurses' station. She starts combing out my hair. My hair is really knotted up but she takes her time, just chit chatting with me about everything other than what happened. That's one of the reasons I love her. She knows everyone will be talking to me about it so she won't. When she is done she braids my hair and then helps me change into some scrubs which was a chore in and of itself.

"Rosie… do you have a mirror?"

"Swan, you don't want to see yourself yet." She sighs, "I am glad you killed that bastard because he really did a number on you. If I could revive him I would just so I could kill him myself." She says kissing the top of my head. "I love you, girl." She says softly.

Just then Edward walks in looking frustrated and upset. Then another man walks in following close behind him.

"What's the matter? Is your dad worse?" I say, alarmed by his posture.

"No, dad is still in surgery." He motions his head towards the man next to him, "Baby, this is Detective Hunter. He wants to talk to you."

"I'll catch you later." Rose says, touching my shoulder before walking out.

"Ms. Swan, I need to ask you some questions, privately." Detective Hunter says authoritatively.

I motion for Edward and he sits down next to me, immediately taking my hand in his.

"Go on." After what I have been through there is no way in hell Edward is leaving.

He frowns and then begins talking, "Can you tell me what happened at the hotel?"

"Vicky came over to see me. When she opened the door James pushed right through. He shot Felix before he had a chance to draw his gun. He knocked me out and I awoke at some apartment. I don't even know where it was." I motion towards my face, "Obviously he beat me up." When the cop just stares at me I go on, "He told me he planned to kill Edward and have me watch him die. I don't know how Edward found me but I killed James with the scalpel Vicky slipped in my hand."

"You're a doctor correct?" He asks, looking up from his notepad.

"Yes, a surgeon. Why?" I ask confused by his line of questioning.

"So it's safe to say you knew where to stab him to injure him versus kill him?" Wait! Is he blaming me?

"Yes. I did and yes, I CHOSE to kill him. I did the world a favor. If that's a problem then arrest my ass." I glare at him as Edward stands up quickly, moving in front of me and essentially forcing Detective Hunter to step back some.

"If this is what you want to know then get the hell out of here." Edward says furiously.

Detective Hunter stares at him for a long time and then turns back to me.

"What do you know about Vicky?"

"Well, obviously I didn't know shit because she helped James." I say agitatedly. Who the fuck is this guy?

"Did she tell you anything about where she grew up?" Where is he going with this?

I frown, "No, why?"

"She's missing." Edward says nervously.

"What do you mean she's missing? How did that happen?" I ask stunned.

He shrugs, "I don't know. I was only focused on you and my dad. She must have slipped out before the police arrived. She vanished, cleaned out her bank account and condo and just left."

The detective clears his throat and I look over at him, "As Mr. Cullen has explained, we don't know where she is. We are still trying to piece together truth from fiction. We do know that she is definitely a lawyer; she passed the bar 15 years ago. She served as a paralegal for Morrison, et al. here in Seattle but her next of kin was fabricated." Hmm, I think James worked at Morrison before he took that position in Phoenix. I remember mom bragging about how smart and successful he was.

"Um, she was with James a long time. She was having an affair with him when he was married to my mom. She never told me about where she grew up or anything. We always just talked about mine and Edward's relationship." I glance at Edward again, "I gave her a key to the apartment a long time ago, you know just in case something happened to either of us. I trusted her." I let out a deep breath.

"You had no reason not to trust her." Edward says, stroking my fingers with his.

The detective is jotting things in his notebook.

"Is she a danger?" I ask Detective Hunter.

"Don't know. It's too soon to tell. I would feel more comfortable if she hadn't skipped town like she did."

"But… she helped me. Why would she do that?" This is all so fucking confusing.

"I don't know, a moment of conscience maybe."

I just shake my head. I think she just got scared and panicked. This is so fucked up! I spend the next hour going over every little detail about what happened at the hotel and the apartment. Edward keeps tensing up as I go into specifics about James beating me but I continue knowing I need to just get it out and let it be done. He then looks at Edward.

"And you maintain that this Mr. Newton voluntarily led you to the house and that this Mr. Smith shot him without provocation."

I turn to Edward who is glaring at this detective.

"Yes, that's what happened." Edward says nonchalantly.

"And of course, I will never know if that is the truth since they are both dead."

Edward shrugs, "Are you done?"

"For now." He looks over at me, "Thank you for your time ma'am. I will be in touch if I have further questions."

I nod and when he walks out I stare at Edward.

"What was that about?"

"Detective Hunter and I had words earlier. He thinks dad and I are hiding something."

"Are you?"

He smiles, "Of course. But I'm not telling him how Dad got Mike to talk. Hell, I am still trying to forget seeing my dad like that." He shakes his head. "But I didn't care at the time. I wanted you found and Mike knew things he wasn't telling us. And when James sent me those pictures I went off on him a little. I knocked him unconscious for the second time in one day."

I kind of grin, "So Daddy C and YOU got all bad ass, huh?" I run my fingers along his.

He just laughs and runs his fingers gently down my face. "Yes… I got all bad ass." He says arching his brow at me.

I just stare at him and I am positive there must be a bit of drool coming out of my mouth cause imagining Edward all bad ass is seriously turning me on. He shakes his head and then kisses me on my forehead again.

"You're really turned on by that aren't you?" He whispers sexily as he starts kissing along my neck.

I nod haphazardly and reach my good hand into his hair.

"Mmm." He murmurs against my neck and then pulls away, smiling at me.

Wait! Did he say he was sent pictures?

"You were sent pictures?" Holy shit! That fucker!

"Yes."

"Can I see them?"

He sighs and pulls out his phone, opening up the file that James sent. God! These look bad. I probably look even worse now. I grimace as I try to move my legs over the edge of the bed. I need to see what I look like.

"What are you trying to do?"

"I'm going to the bathroom. I want to look at myself." I say determinedly.

I try to stand and realize that the only reason I was able to move when everything was happening was because of a serious fucking adrenaline rush because right now, having lain down for a while, I am so sore. And whatever damn pain meds they gave me are clearly wearing off. How the hell am I going to do this without meds? The tears flood my eyes as pain shoots up from my ribs and collarbone.

"Bella, please." His voice is strained.

"Just help me." I say through clenched teeth.

He grabs my good arm and shoulder and we walk gingerly over towards the bathroom. When we walk in I gasp when I look in the mirror. I swallow hard and gently touch my face. Is that really me? Almost the entire left side of my face is swollen and bruised, my left eye is practically closed shut and my lip looks deformed. The right side of my face doesn't look as bad in comparison but I definitely have the makings of a shiner coming on and some minor swelling. I move my scrub top slightly and see that my neck and collarbone are bruised from where James stepped on me. I look up to Edward and watch the concern and worry wash over him. I turn around and rest my head against his chest while he strokes my back.

"I want to check on your dad but…" I pause, "But I don't want people to see me this way."

He kisses the top of my head, "Dr. Meyers told me in the hall that they are going to release you so we can just go home if you want."

I don't say anything right away. I do want to go home but I really need to check on Carlisle. I know the doctors and nurses are taking good care of him but he risked his life for Edward and me. I can't just go home knowing that Esme and Alice are up there worried about him. How selfish would that be to make Edward be with me instead of supporting his mom and sister when they need him as well?

"No, I want to wait with your family. I want to see your dad." I say determinedly.

He nods and I can feel his smile as he kisses the top of my head again. He helps me back to the bed and an hour later he is wheeling me up to the surgery waiting room. I think people must know what happened to me because none of my co-workers are saying anything, just offering me smiles and head nods. Of course there was some mumbling and someone gasped in the elevator. But fuck it, what is it Dr. Jackson keeps saying, 'Be proud of the fact you have the strength to survive all the shit you have been through' okay, well maybe she doesn't say it quite like that but basically she keeps saying to see all the shit I have been through as evidence of my inner strength, whatever the hell that is, versus I have fucked up luck and bad shit always seems to happen to me. As we approach the waiting room I hear Alice before I actually see her.

"Oh, Bella…" She drops to her knees and hugs my legs, which actually works out because that's probably the only part of my damn body that doesn't hurt, "I am so happy you are okay. I was so worried about you."

I touch her head with my hand, "Thank you, Sunshine." And she grins up at me happily and I can't help but smile, okay try to smile that is. "How's your Dad?"

"He's still in the recovery room. They told us we could visit him soon. Come on, everyone's in the waiting room." Then she stands up and walks around hugging and kissing Edward, whispering something in his ear.

He smiles at her and then wheels me into the waiting room where Esme, Jasper and Emmett are waiting. Esme smiles and gets up, walking over to me, kissing my forehead. I take a deep breath and then look around the room noticing that Emmett and Jasper look pissed. I have never seen either of them angry and it startles me.

"What's the matter with you two?" I ask generally clueless.

"Bella…" Jasper takes a deep breath and walks over to me, "If you hadn't killed him already, we would have." He kisses my forehead.

"Oh... I thought only Edward and Rose wanted to kill him." I say softly.

"If we had been allowed to go we would have all pounded that bastard for everything he did to you now AND when you were a kid." Emmett says leaning down and kissing my forehead as well.

I smile at them, "Well, I think having Edward and Carlisle in danger was enough. I am glad you two weren't there." I say in all seriousness.

We sit in the waiting room for a while before they allow a couple of people to go in. They wanted Edward and me to go in first so he could take me home but I wouldn't hear of that. Esme should be in there first. If it was me I would want to see Edward before anyone else. Edward has been real quiet; I can tell he is upset still. Every time he looks at me he frowns and when I catch him he will smile or squeeze my hand.

"Baby?" I ask as we make our way to Daddy C's room.

"Hmmm?"

"Is everything okay?"

He stops moving me and comes around the front of the wheelchair. He kneels down and rests his hands on my legs.

"This should never have happened. I know you say it's not my fault and I know that it isn't…completely…" I start to say something and he shakes his head and places his fingers over my mouth, "If I hadn't gotten so angry at Mike I would have been there and maybe I could have done something." I start shaking my head and he shakes his, "I didn't take this seriously enough, I should have taken us away. My dad would have helped us and that would have given him time to track down James. I didn't protect you and that's the bottom line."

"Are you done?" I say irritated.

He furrows his brows.

"This is as much my fault as yours. James knew how to work us both. He did his research and played on our insecurities. As fucked up as James was he was also very smart. He spent years in prison trying to decide how to hurt me. Do you remember why I told you I came to Seattle?"

He nods.

"That was James. He sent the pictures to Dr. Stone's wife. He has been fucking with me for a long time. There is nothing we could have done to stop this. Yes, we could have been more serious about protection but I contributed to the problem as well. I argued with everything, not just what HBG wanted but you as well. I just didn't think anything bad would happen so if you are going to shift blame shove some this way." I state adamantly.

He sighs and stands back up kissing me softly on my battered lips before walking behind me again. We continue our trek to Daddy C's room in silence. When we enter the room the nurse is checking his vitals and noting them in his chart. She is someone I have worked with before and she smiles at me as she walks by us and out the door. Edward wheels us closer to the bed and Carlisle turns to me and frowns.

"I know. I look like shit!" I say looking down.

"If I could have put it together sooner…" He says his voice dry and cracked.

I shake my head at him, "If you and Edward hadn't found me I would be dead or worse. I'm just sorry my eye was so fucked up. I probably caused more damage than necessary." I say, sighing.

"They said had you not intervened I would have died before reaching the hospital."

I nod, "Thank you… For finding me and for not letting James hurt Edward." I say, tears freely flowing. Fuck it! I am not even going to try and not cry.

I sit there crying, feeling like I will never be able to stop. Edward seems at a loss; normally in a situation like this he would cradle me close to him, letting me feel his heart beat and his steady breathing until I calmed down. But now, he can't do that because I am so damaged. I look up at him, needing him desperately. He kneels down close to me, breathing close to my neck and whispering _I love you_ over and over again, as he gently runs his fingers down the right side of my face. After a few moments I take a steadying breath and look into his sad eyes and know this is just as hard for him.

"Isabella." Carlisle says, coughing slightly.

I turn to him, wiping my eyes.

"There isn't anything I wouldn't do for my son and in turn you. You are a part of my family now and we protect our family. At all costs. Do you understand?"

I nod.

"So don't feel bad or blame yourself. I am fine. It's not the first time I have been shot." He says simply.

Edward and I both stare at him open mouthed. He grins at our expressions.

"Edward, are you okay?" Carlisle asks concerned.

"Yeah. That detective was here though. He knows I'm lying to him. I'm not very good at it." Edward says, shifting his eyes away from his dad.

Carlisle laughs and then winces, "No, son. You have never been good at lying but I don't think that's such a bad thing. But, don't worry about it. Just leave Detective Hunter to me."

Edward nods and then grimaces, "Vicky took off, sometime before the police arrived. I didn't see her leave. I want to believe she isn't a problem but…" He sighs, "What do you think?"

Carlisle frowns. "Jenks didn't get her?" He asks with furrowed brows.

Edward and I look at each other and then back to him.

"Carlisle, we honestly don't know anything. We were focused on each other. I'm sorry." I say looking down.

"Bella, when Edward stormed through the door I wasn't entirely sure what was going to happen. I grabbed him and when James shot Mike I knew we weren't prepared. I had quickly scanned the room and after seeing that crazy look in James' eyes I knew."

"Knew what?" Edward asks sighing.

"I knew he was not planning on letting any of us come out of this alive. I have seen that crazed look in men's eyes before and they are beyond dangerous. You can't reason with them or intimidate them. My guess is he would just as well kill us all and himself before getting caught." He shakes his head and closes his eyes for a moment before speaking again.

"I sent the signal to Jenks before Vicky tied us up. But he should have been at the back entrance. That was the plan. After James shot at you I caught a glimpse of Vicky heading towards the back of the house but I assumed Jenks would be there. That's odd." He frowns again and then looks at Edward. "Hand me your phone."

Edward hands it over to him and Carlisle punches several numbers into it.

"_What happened?" He asks quickly._

"_Yeah, I just got out. Edward said that bitch got away. Where were you?"_

There is a long silence on this end as Daddy C listens to Jenks. Fuck! Only Daddy C would come out of surgery barking orders at someone. Edward gently touches my left shoulder and I put my hand on his as we look at his dad.

"_I see. So do you have her in your sights?"_

"_Find her!" He says furiously._

There is another moment of silence and then Carlisle shakes his head, pinching the bridge of his nose. Finally he sighs in resignation.

"_I should be out of here in a few days and we will meet. She shouldn't be too hard to track." He says calmer._

"_Yeah, thanks." He says with a halfway grin on his face before hanging up._

"Jenks is on it. He said he had her but the sirens went off so he couldn't take a shot without drawing attention. She slipped into her vehicle which was parked out back. The cops were coming down the street so he couldn't get to his car quick enough." When we give him a confused expression he sighs, "Jenks never parks close by, he doesn't want anyone to spot his vehicle near the house in question." Hmm, I guess that makes sense but in this case it fucked us up because James was a crazy son of a bitch. I barely hear the rest of what Carlisle says, "He said her place looks like it has been vacated for at least a week and when he hacked her bank she withdrew everything yesterday."

"I think she left sometime when I was unconscious. She must have done it then. But I don't understand; she passed a background check."

"Well, that was a preliminary one, checking for criminal records, things of that nature. Jenks didn't actually research her because she wasn't seen as a threat. She was your sponsor Bella. Esme was already angry at me for doing the minimal amount that we did do."

I nod at him, looking down, still saddened by her betrayal of me. When I glance at Carlisle he looks contemplative. He closes his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose again and then runs his fingers over his eyes several times. Finally, he looks between the two of us and gets a serious expression on his face.

"Edward… Take her home. This has been an extremely stressful 24 hrs. I will be out of here in a few days and we can discuss all the things that have happened. Right now both of you look like you could use some sleep."

I grin at the thought that Carlisle actually thinks he is getting out of here in a few days. As if! Sorry Daddy C, you will be here at least a week.

"Can we go back to the house?" I ask Carlisle.

He frowns, "I suppose you don't want to go to the hotel." We both shake our heads.

He doesn't say anything right away. He just brings his hand to his chin, thinking.

"Please, Carlisle. I want to sleep in my own bed. I don't want to be where everyone can see me and feel sorry for me."

"Would you consider staying at my house? We have a guest room downstairs with a bathroom attached. I don't feel comfortable with you going to your house with Vicky out there. I underestimated James. I don't want to underestimate her any more than we already have. I know my house is secure."

I look at Edward and he nods. What does it matter as long as he is with me? And, after everything that Carlisle has done I at least owe it to him to give him a little peace of mind and not be so damn difficult. Sometimes you have just got to woman up and accept help. I smile at Edward and then turn to Carlisle.

"I am okay with that."

* * *

><p><strong>AN…. All is right in the world. Everyone is okay, well Bella is pretty messed up and those two can't have sex but they're both alive, right? And, hmmm, me thinks Vicky is going to regret crossing paths with Daddy C.**

**Okay want to rec a few stories I am beta for:**

**Before the Bloodlust Begins by Kalinca62… this is an awesome tale set in 1918 with Edward and Bella in Chicago as teens before he is turned. Lots of things happen to these two but I don't want to give anything away. Chris does a fantastic job capturing the era, from dialogue to what they wear to overall lifestyle. Come on board and I dare you, no I triple dog dare you, not to fall in love with Spunk… Story ID****: ****7504908**

**Country Women Will Survive by stratocastic1969… this is drabble-ish meaning it is short chapters posted every few days, sometimes daily. It is set in Kentucky where Edward is a homeless drifter that comes to stay with the widowed Esme Cullen and her two teen daughters. Sparks fly but the problem is, Edward is 26 and Bella is 17. Can he resist her? Does he even want to resist her? Jen does such a great job depicting country life that I swear I am talking country when I am done reading it. Check out countryward and sad eyes, you won't be sorry, I promise… Story ID****:**** 7787902**

**Saturday Night Fever by amandac3… this is the sequel to Last Friday Night. Need I say more? I squealed in delight when she told me about this cause I have a serious thing for Wardo and the crew. This will pick up where LFN left off so if you haven't already read Last Friday Night… SHAME ON YOU! Get on that and with a quickness because Wardo and HB are waiting for ya. My girl writes with such wit and humor that I am grinning from ear to ear EVERY time I am done with a chapter. God I have missed those two and their crazy antics… Story ****ID:**** 7809091**

**As always… hook me up with a review, a sigh of relief, whatever, hehehehe… see ya next Friday or maybe sooner *wink, wink***


	54. Ch 53: My Everything

**Rating: M- For lemons (lots of them), language and situations. So this means if you're under 16 please be responsible for yourself.**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer is the sole owner of the world of Twilight. I am just having a little harmless fun with her characters.**

**Happy Valentine's Day!**

**Once again thank you to my amazing Beta's A & C for your guidance, encouragement & support…Okay there are some very yummy pics on the blog and I created a video for a song used later in this chapter. Now, the song I selected for the actual chapter is by Mary J Blige and I think it depicts perfectly what Bella is feeling. Plus, how can you go wrong with the queen of hip hop soul?**

**So I know last chapter you all breathed a sigh of relief for our duo. This chapter takes place about six weeks after the incident with James.**

* * *

><p>It's all because of you; I'm never sad and blue<br>You've brightened up my days in your own special way  
>Whenever you're around I'm never feeling down<br>You are my trusted friend, on you I can depend

You take me away from the pain and you bring me paradise  
>And when there were cloudy days you brought sunshine in my life<br>It never occurred to me the first time I saw your face  
>I would fall so deep in love that your love can't be replaced<p>

You are my… everything (you are my… everything)  
>Love so good, so good only you can bring<br>You are my… everything, you are everything and everything is you

My darling only you can make my dreams come true  
>And every night I pray you'll never go away<br>I promise I will try until the day I die  
>To treat you like a king 'cause you are my everything<p>

You take me away from the pain and you bring me paradise  
>And when there were cloudy days you brought sunshine in my life<br>It never occurred to me the first time I saw your face  
>I would fall so deep in love that your love can't be replaced<p>

When you're lovin' me… with your lovin' arms around me  
>When you're lovin' me… said I feel so safe, I found security<br>When you're lovin' me… forever… I want you to hold me  
>My everything, my every, every, every everything<p>

Everything by Mary J Blige

**Chapter 53: My Everything**

**BPOV**

"Baby?" He says and I turn to look at him.

"We're here." He says with a smile on his face as he runs his fingers along my cheek.

I smile and take a deep breath. We are at the cottage on Whidbey Island. It is the weekend before my birthday and he wanted us to come back here to celebrate. My birthday falls during the week and Edward has to be back at school the following week. Classes at UW start at the end of the month and he wants to be prepared. He has been nervous about teaching three classes this coming semester but I know he can do it. Hell, if he can teach effectively after all the shit we went through this summer he can do anything. But he worries. So the last few weeks he has been taking some time to go to the school and get things done. Personally I think he just needed an excuse to get out of the house which I can understand completely.

That last six weeks have been trying to say the least. We spent the first four at his parent's house. That was actually probably the best thing we could have done. James really messed me up bad this time. Maybe because I am older it took me longer to heal or it just may have been that my injuries were much worse this time around. The first week was the absolute worst. I needed help with EVERYTHING. It's the simple things in life that we take for granted. I am right handed so with my right collarbone fractured I couldn't use my right hand. That wouldn't have been such a problem but it was my left ribs that were broken which meant I didn't have full use of my left hand either. Oh, I could manage eating well enough but other things such as bathing, dressing, grooming, etc. were a major problem. I remember the first time I went to the bathroom after arriving at his parent's house. I just sat on the toilet seat sobbing because I needed help wiping for crying out loud. Yep, that first week was definitely the worst of it. But Edward never complained. He just took care of me and I had to swallow my pride and let him. Talk about a humbling experience.

I had a little better mobility the second week but it was still difficult. Carlisle was home the second week as well. I think if he hadn't been on the board at the hospital and well, Mr. Carlisle Fucking Cullen they wouldn't have put up with him. Now, that man was a difficult patient. Oh, the things Rose said he put everyone through. Apparently he was very pissy and angry with everyone and Rose had to take over most of his nursing care as none of the other nurses wanted to work with him. Well, clearly Daddy C is not one to be messed with. Edward had told me what had transpired with Mike and how they found me. I still shudder thinking how close Edward came to being shot or seriously injured. Thank God that James didn't get what he wanted.

Staying at his parent's wasn't so bad. They had hired a nurse to help us out and a physical therapist to help Carlisle and I with our therapy needs. I still laugh at the thought that Carlisle wouldn't leave the house to do his PT; that he made the poor guy come to him. I didn't care but I tell you what, it sure was convenient. By the fourth week I was feeling more on the mend. My ribs were still not right but at least I could walk without much pain. My collar bone was better though and I had almost all my mobility back in my right hand. Thank GOD! Now maybe I will be able to at least give Edward a hand job since we haven't been able to do ANYTHING sexual since all this happened.

We have been at our place for the past couple of weeks. We tried to have sex when we got back home but it didn't work. I tried to play it off but he saw the pain on my face and stopped immediately. Fucking James! Edward wouldn't try again either out of fear he would hurt me further. I was going insane. When I was locked up in the hospital it didn't bother me as much because he wasn't around and well, I was pretty fucking depressed. But damn, I need him so bad. I practically attacked him a few days ago wanting to at least try and give him head or something. My jaw felt good and I thought I could do it. I had caught him napping and well he didn't stop me when I unzipped his pants and took him in my mouth. I smile remembering how he came almost immediately. He had apologized profusely but it was okay. I wasn't sure how long I could have gone anyway so it worked out fine for both of us and at least I got to see his 'O' face again. God! I have missed that.

As we enter the cottage I am flooded with memories of our first time here. How beautiful it had been, how we had told each other that we loved one another. For the first time in my life I had experienced love. It was so new to me and he was so gentle and understanding. He comes up behind me and gently wraps his arms around my waist as he rests his chin on my shoulder.

"I love being here. Thank you, baby." I whisper to him.

"You're welcome honey. Our reservation isn't for a few hours. Do you want to rest before getting ready?" God! He couldn't be more attentive to me if he tried?

"Will you lay down with me?" I ask, needing to feel him close to me.

"Of course." He says as he walks us to the large bed.

We lay close together, him holding me tightly, breathing into my hair. I roll on my back and immediately reach for him. He closes his eyes as his mouth and mine connect, heat and electricity shooting between the two of us. I move my hand between us, stroking his ever hardening length and then push him on his back as I straddle his hips. I quickly remove my shirt and unsnap my bra tossing them on the floor. He swallows as he moves his hands over my breasts, fondling them lightly.

"Are you sure?" He whispers as he sits up, pulling his shirt up and off.

I nod, "Baby I need you. Please…" I kiss him again, "Let's just try... Please." I am obviously not opposed to begging.

He moves his hands up my back and into my hair, kissing me fiercely. His tongue whipping into my mouth as he pulls me as close to him as he possibly can, my breasts pressed against his chest as I slowly move my hips, rubbing against his cock. I feel the heat escaping from my center and know that I need him inside me. I crave him, he is everything to me, and his essence and being are all that I need to bring happiness into my life. He lays me back down looking at me with complete devotion and I know the look on my face must mirror his. I used to think that I was addicted to him but now I realize that it is his love I am truly addicted to. It's the look in his eyes when he gazes upon me, the gentleness of his touch, and the way he always makes me feel complete.

"I love you… so much." I whisper, my voice cracked with emotion.

"You will always be my heart and soul." He leans down and kisses me softly on the lips before pulling my jeans off.

He moves his mouth along my neck, laying gentle kisses along my collar bone. His tongue gently sweeps over my breast, circling my nipples before moving downward, finding my tattoo. He traces the outline and then kisses right in the middle of it as I instinctually move my hips to meet him. He slowly moves his mouth down, knowing what I want. His hot breath and soft lips taking my desire to another level, as he maneuvers around my clit making sure he is giving me all of his attention. I quickly entangle my fingers into his soft and subtle hair, encouraging him to continue, needing him to bring me to ecstasy. He inserts first one then two of his long fingers inside me and that's all it takes for me to clench all around him, humming his name over and over. He moves his mouth away and smiles up at me, his lips moist with my arousal. He brings his bottom lip into his mouth and stands up pulling his jeans off.

"Are you sure?" He asks me again, concern passing across his face.

"I'm sure." I motion for him and he crawls up to me, "I need you inside me baby, please."

He lines himself to my entrance and slowly pushes inside. We both still once he is completely seated within me. He gently runs his hands down my left side, over my ribs, watching my reactions closely. He must like what he sees because he starts moving in and out of me, moaning softly against my neck.

"Faster baby, it's okay." I figure he needs permission before taking it up a notch.

My ribs do hurt a little but not enough to make me want to stop. I run my hands down his back, resting them on his ass where I squeeze him and then move my hands along his back again. I do this several more times as he continues to thrust into me at a much quicker pace. I know he needs this as much as I do. I quickly move my knees up and lift my hips against his incoming thrusts. He moans sexily as he enters me again and I can tell that he is ready. I quickly move my hand between us and start rubbing myself, knowing he can't hold off anymore.

"Bella…" He grunts as his body stiffens, finding its much needed release.

Watching his neck and body tense, his face strained and sexy, I find my own release, clenching all around him as he groans on top of me. He drops down and FUCK… that did hurt…a lot… and I can't help but cry out. He rolls off of me quickly, shaking his head with his brow furrowed in displeasure.

"Oh God, baby I'm sorry. Are you okay? I can't believe I just did that." He says, admonishing himself.

"I'm okay." I say rolling on top of him and letting my fingers play with his chest hairs. "I really missed you making love to me."

"I missed it too. I… I'm sorry I came so fast." He says sighing.

"You were perfect baby. You always are."

He kisses the top of my head, "Rest, I'll set my phone so we have enough time to shower before dinner."

I nod, but I am already drifting off.

Edward let us sleep for about an hour and then we both showered and changed to go eat. He had made reservations at the Inn at Langley again. My man is definitely a sucker for traditions. My guess is we will be coming here every year for my birthday. I smile at the thought of us old and gray still visiting Whidbey Island every September. I'll probably be one of those horny old ladies still getting it on in their later years. Hmm, he might need Viagra to keep up with me. I grin and look up just as Edward walks into the room.

He struts over to me, dressed in black, looking sexy as hell. He has on black trousers, a black button down shirt and a black jacket. My God! He can wear that color like no one I have ever seen. I had selected a very simple red dress with a V-neckline and my black peep toe heels. He smirks as he goes in for a kiss and I swear I am left dumbstruck. How can he always do that to me? He brings out a black box from his jacket and hands it to me with the most brilliant smile on his beautiful face.

"Happy Birthday, my love."

I grin as I look down at the box in my hand. It is one of those black cases that jewelry comes in. I quickly tear off the ribbon, lifting the case open. Oh My! It is the most beautiful necklace I have ever seen. It has a large light blue stone, almost the color of the sea, with a diamond above it and then three smaller diamonds above that encased in what looks like white gold. It is very delicate and sophisticated all at the same time. Also in the box is a pair of earrings that seem to go with the necklace. They have a dangling blue stone with two small diamonds above it attached to a small loop that attaches to another set of two diamonds and a smaller blue stone. What kind of stone is this? It's so beautiful. I just stare at it, marveling at how it shines against the black velvet background. How can he find such perfect things for me? I am not one of those girls that like jewelry and rarely wear it. Aside from our bracelet I never wear anything. And I am certainly not one to sport a diamond anything. But this … This is exquisite.

"Do you like it?" He asks a little concerned.

I am just mesmerized by them, I can't even look up. I gently run my fingers along the gorgeous stone and small diamonds.

"I know you don't really like diamonds and blue always looks so good on you I just thought maybe aquamarine would be pretty but we can take them back if you don't like them." He says in one breath.

I finally look up at him, tears in my eyes. "They're beautiful."

He lets out a loud breath and smiles brightly at me. Edward takes the box from me, removing the necklace. I quickly turn around pulling my hair to the side so he can put it around my neck. I turn and smile at him.

"It's stunning on you, Isabella." He says running his fingers along the chain and ending on the stone.

I grin and then remove the earrings putting them on as well.

"I love them Edward. What kind of stone is this?" I ask.

"It's called aquamarine. I liked the color and thought it would look nice on you." He moves my hair behind my ear so that he can see my earring. "I knew you wouldn't want a diamond." He smiles, "Of course there are some smaller ones on there. You don't mind do you?"

I grin at him, "No. These are so pretty and the focus isn't on the diamonds at all. I really do love it. I think this might be my favorite stone. Thank you." I lean up and kiss him softly on the lips.

He smiles radiantly at me and I am left in awe that this beautiful and caring man is mine, that out of all the fucked up things we have been through he is still here with me.

"Come on baby. We better go." He then smirks, "There might be a crowd forming and they would be forced to give away our reservation." He says winking at me.

How does he remember all the smart ass things I have said? I mean damn, I said that a year ago. I just laugh and let my fingers slip under the top button on his pants.

"You are such a smart ass, Mr. Cullen." I arch my brow as I repeat what he told me last year.

He laughs and takes my hand leading me out to the car.

The rest of the weekend was blissful and well needed. We made love several times, barely leaving the cottage. Well, aside from our trek into town to go to the bookstore. I can't believe how sexy that man is around books. He just gets this playful and giddy smile on his face. I swear if my body was up for it and he hadn't been talking shop to the owner I would have fucked him against one of those shelves. Now that we are having sex again I just crave him all the time. It's like my body is trying to make up for the time we couldn't have sex.

When we got back home I opened our mailbox to find a letter from the Seattle Police department. I frown and hand it over to Edward. I don't want to read it. He scrunches his eyebrows together and sticks it in his pocket as we get into the house. I go and sit on the couch putting my head in my lap, with my hands behind my neck. What's the worst that can happen? Uh, they could arrest you for killing James, no that wouldn't be the worst. They could arrest Edward for whatever he and Daddy C did to find me, now that would definitely be the worst possible situation. I hear him opening the letter and a few moments later he sits down next to me, running his hand along my shoulder.

"Baby, it's alright. They say that they are ruling James' death an act of self-defense. You are not being charged with anything."

I look up at him, "What about you? Any word on that?"

He smiles. "Bella... I didn't do anything they could charge me with, aside from beating up Mike, but since he is dead he can't press charges so there would be no reason for them to do anything to me. I was more worried about you. But this..." He waves the letter, "Clears you sweetheart. They can't touch you." I nod and rest my head against his shoulder. Thank God!

* * *

><p>It's my birthday and he is reading at the table, papers scattered all around as he jots down notes in the margins of his outlines for his class. I think the Literature class is his hardest. Not because the material is difficult but he can't seem to narrow down the precise order he wants to go in. Personally I don't think it matters much if he does Hawthorne before Hemingway before Steinbeck. But it matters to him. So there he sits, his bottom lip in his mouth, tapping that pen lightly on the notepad. I can't help but grin at how similar that is to Esme.<p>

"Are you sure you won't come with me?" I ask again, but it comes out more like a whine.

He looks up from his papers, "Baby… the girls want to spend time with you."

"But, it's my birthday. I want to spend it with you." I full on pout. All I need to do is stomp my feet and I will have the whole tantrum down. I wonder if that would work.

"Isabella…" he says arching his brow, "This is the only day Rose can get off. She said no men allowed tonight."

I frown, "It's my birthday. Don't I get a choice?"

He gets up and walks over to me, lifting me up onto the table. Now this is more like it. I wrap my legs around his waist and move him closer to me. He starts kissing along my neck and nibbles lightly before looking up at me.

"When you get home we can do whatever you like." He whispers sexily to me, wagging his eyebrows.

I know I have one of those goofy grins on my face because he laughs and taps my chin before moving away from me. Damn! He's such a tease. I start to say something when we hear a knock on the door and I jump off the table to open it. When I open it Rose is just about to knock again when Alice nearly takes me down by her enthusiastic hug. Edward walks over grinning.

"I'll see you later." He whispers against my lips, before pecking them lightly.

Both Alice and Rosalie just giggle. What the fuck! Rosalie takes her arm and throws it over my shoulder as she leads us out the door. Alice giggles as she yells bye to Edward over her shoulder and puts her arm around my waist. We all just laugh as we make our way to the limo. Rosie and her damn limos. Is Emmett gonna come meet up with us? Well if he does that won't be fair if Edward is at home.

We head to a small bistro in town and have a blast laughing and making jokes. I tell them all about the cottage and how Edward and I were FINALLY able to have sex. Even Alice laughed at that one. When we jumped in the limo and it headed in the opposite direction of my house I was confused. To be honest I wanted this night to end so I could get back to Edward. He told me I could do anything. I have had all sorts of ideas floating around in my head.

"Where are we going?" I ask confused.

"It's a surprise." Is all Rosie says while Alice just giggles and covers her mouth.

I stare at the two of them. They are up to something. "I don't like surprises."

Rosie arches her brow at me, "Well, you will like this one so shut up."

"It's my birthday you can't tell me to shut up. Isn't that against the rules or something?" I stutter out, trying not to laugh.

"Since when do you follow the rules?" She smarts back.

"Hmm… that's a good point." I look around trying to figure it out. "Seriously… where are you two taking me?"

When we pull into the parking lot I laughed so hard my side hurts, "Are you taking me to Centerfolds?" I ask between guffaws. Centerfolds is the only male strip club in Seattle. I heard rumors that they were going to turn it into a gentleman's club. That would suck. Where are the ladies supposed to go? Don't we deserve some 'entertainment' as well?

Now we are all laughing and then Alice screeches, "Surprise!"

Oh hell… this ought to be fun. But damn, I don't want to look at other men when I have Edward waiting for me at home. We all get out and Rosie pays for the cover. She reserved one of the special rooms that they have for 'private dances' but said it isn't ready yet so we need to wait in the main area. Fine with me. Normally something like this would be extremely fun. I would be shameless but I don't know, it almost feels like cheating if I look at them. God! That sounds weird even to me. I'm a fucking sex addict in a club with a whole bunch of mostly naked men. And, Rosie being Rosie makes us sit up front and whips out a bunch of bills handing them to both me and Alice. I turn and look at Alice and she is sitting there with her mouth wide open and I swear I see some drool coming out of the side of her mouth.

"See something you like Sunshine?" Yes, I just started calling her that cause that's what she is.

"Look at his stomach. It's so…" She shakes her head.

I grin, "It's not too shabby. Here put this in his waistband." I say motioning for him to come over.

He starts sashaying in front of her, wiggling his hips and moving his tight stomach close to her while thrusting his manhood in her face. She is just staring at him and I hear Rosalie tell her to put the money in his waistband. She shakes her head and I grin, snatching the five bucks and tucking it in while copping a feel of his tight abdominal muscles. He winks at me and I smile. We watch the next several dancers and slowly Alice is getting in the mood and becoming a little freer. It is fun watching her. One of the waiters comes up behind us and whispers to Rosie that the room is ready. She motions to me and he nods walking over.

"Ma'am your private dancer is ready for you."

I look at Rosie, panic on my face. It's one thing to be in a room full of people but quite the other to be alone in a room with a man that is going to take off all of his clothes. I know what happens in those private rooms. What the fuck is she thinking?

"Relax Swan. He won't bite." She says turning back around to face the dancer.

I look at Alice and she smiles, "It's okay Bella. Go… have fun."

I hesitantly stand up and walk with the gentleman clad in some tight ass jeans showing everything that God gave him and no shirt. Man, this is like an alcoholic being in a bar and being told he can't have even a sip. He takes me to a room that has a comfortable chair facing a stage where there is a pole, of course. You can't strip without a pole. He smiles at me and then tells me to enjoy myself. Sure buddy, assuming I survive the heart attack I am about to have. That damn Rosie. I'm gonna kill her and I can't believe Alice would go along with this. I should just get up and leave. What's the worst that can happen? The music starts just as I am about to stand up and so I sigh in resignation and sit down. I grin at the song choice. Hmm, it's the long version of the song. I glance up and my mouth drops.

Edward steps out from behind the curtain wearing my mother fucking chocolate suit. He bought it. I can't believe it. He smirks at my expression as he starts strutting towards me, like some kind of model on a runway in Paris. As he is walking towards me he unbuttons the two buttons on his jacket, slipping his left hand into his pocket, stopping just as the lyrics start, placing his right hand on the pole. He starts moving sexily, holding onto the pole as he maneuvers up and down to the music. Oh MY!

_I'm bringing sexy back  
><em>_Them other boys don't know how to act  
><em>_I think it's special what's behind your back  
><em>_So turn around and I'll pick up slack_

On his way up he leans his back against the pole and then moves his arms above him gripping the pole with both of his hands as the second part of the lyrics begin to play. He grins mischievously at me as he starts singing the next verse to me as he moves up and down the pole in perfect time to the beat.

_Dirty babe  
><em>_You see these shackles baby, I'm your slave  
><em>_I'll let you whip me if I misbehave  
><em>_It's just that no one makes me feel this way_

Oh God! I nearly come on the spot. He then moves up quickly as he throws his jacket off, tossing it on the ground in front of him. He starts to slowly loosen the knot on his tie with his left hand as he holds the pole with his right. He unbuttons the top button of his shirt and then slowly pulls the tie around his neck tossing it to me.

_Come here girl (Go 'head be gone with it)  
><em>_Come to the back (Go 'head be gone with it)  
><em>_VIP (Go 'head be gone with it)  
><em>_Drinks on me (Go 'head be gone with it)_

He grins deliciously at me as he unbuttons his shirt all the way swaying his hips as he crouches in front of me on the stage. He slips his shirt off revealing a white wife beater underneath and once again I drop my mouth. He lets his shirt fall to the ground as he moves back up wiggling his hips in front of me.

_Let me see what ya twerkin' with (Go 'head be gone with it)  
><em>_Wiggle those hips (Go 'head be gone with it)  
><em>_You make me smile (Go 'head be gone with it)  
><em>_Come here child (Go 'head be gone with it)_

He grabs the pole again moving one leg around it as he swings in a full circle. He turns where he can see me and licks his lips, giving me his best smoldering look which, let's face it, leaves me in ashes.

_Get your sexy on (Go 'head be gone with it)  
><em>_Get your sexy on (Go 'head be gone with it)  
><em>_Get your sexy on (Go 'head be gone with it)  
><em>_Get your sexy on (Go 'head be gone with it)_

He turns back around swaying his hips to the music as he takes his hands and slowly moves the wife beater up and over his head, swinging it above his head before finally flinging it somewhere. I don't know where. I can't take my eyes off of him.

_Get your sexy on (Go 'head be gone with it)  
><em>_Get your sexy on (Go 'head be gone with it)  
><em>_Get your sexy on (Go 'head be gone with it)  
><em>_Get your sexy on (Go 'head be gone with it)_

He starts moving his hands along his chest, running his thumbs over his nipples, tugging on his barbells while I let out a loud guttural moan. He then runs his hands back down his chest, resting his fingers on the top button of his pants. He unsnaps them dramatically, slowly unzipping them to reveal his sexy hair and no mother fucking underwear. He's fucking going commando on me and once again I find myself groaning.

_I'm bringing sexy back  
><em>_Them other mother fuckers don't know how to act  
><em>_Girl let me make up for the things you lack  
><em>'_Cause you're burn' up, I gotta get it fast_

He shimmies his pants on the floor and is standing before me completely naked, clearly the most beautiful man I have ever seen. He smiles salaciously at me and then gets down low again as the next verse comes back on. He runs his hands over his cock as he sings the verse to me.

_Dirty babe  
><em>_You see these shackles baby, I'm your slave  
><em>_I'll let you whip me if I misbehave  
><em>_It's just that no one makes me feel this way_

I can't help it I spread my legs slightly and move my fingers underneath my short skirt, I start touching my aching sex as he stands back up sashaying back to the pole, moving up and down on it several times, moving his cock from the left to the right side of the pole every time he moves up and down. Oh my fucking GOD!

_Come here girl (Go 'head be gone with it)  
><em>_Come to the back (Go 'head be gone with it)  
><em>_VIP (Go 'head be gone with it)  
><em>_Drinks on me (Go 'head be gone with it)_

He's watching me intently and then swings around the pole again ending so that his back is now against it. He closes his eyes and brings his bottom lip into his mouth as he starts moving up and down on the pole as his hands caress his long and lean body.

_Let me see what ya twerkin' with (Go 'head be gone with it)  
><em>_Wiggle those hips (Go 'head be gone with it)  
><em>_You make me smile (Go 'head be gone with it)  
><em>_Come here child (Go 'head be gone with it)_

I have absolutely no shame as I start moaning at the sight of him. He brings himself to the ground so that he is facing me. He leans back against the pole and slouches slightly, dangling his bare feet over the stage and spreading his legs slightly. He brings his hand to his tip spreading his leaking fluids over his palm and then brings his hand around his pulsing cock. Oh God! He closes his eyes and his mouth parts. I can see just the tip of his tongue peeking out between his luscious lips as he moans softly. One hand works on his cock, moving up and along his length while his other hand moves to his balls. I stop my own ministrations, moving both my hands onto the arms of the chair and I just… watch him. It's like the music fades into the background. I know it is there because I hear Timbaland telling me to get my sexy on. Well right now I am as I watch Edward pleasure himself.

Edward continues to work his hand up and down his cock in a rhythmic fashion as he simultaneously lifts and squeezes his balls. I see his middle finger moving along the sensitive spot that leads to his ass and hear his resounding moan. I throw my head back and then quickly look at him, not wanting to miss anything.

_I'm bringing sexy back  
><em>_You motherfuckers watch how I attack  
><em>_If that's your girl, better watch your back  
><em>'_Cause she'll burn it for me and that's a fact_

His eyes are still closed but I see his body start to tense up. He starts moving his hand quickly as he squeezes his balls, moaning and grunting loudly until his forehead scrunches together and his eyes close tightly. He has the sexiest, almost pained expression on his face that is soon followed by his cum spilling onto his stomach, which is contracting at this very moment. Oh my God! That was the sexiest thing I have ever seen.

I quickly jump out of my chair, snatching his tie up from the ground. I want him and I want him badly. I hear the song start over again and grin wondering how many times it will repeat before I am done with him. He opens his eyes just as I straddle his lap, kissing him fiercely as I grab his hands and twist them around the pole. I pull away from him and go around the pole using his tie to secure his hands.

"Oh God! Baby, that was so sexy." I say moving back around. I grab his hair and make him look at me, "And so naughty."

He looks up at me with those striking green eyes of his and I smirk as I step away from him in search of his undershirt. He won't need that. I find it near the stage and walk over to him, using it to clean off the semen from his stomach. I quickly take off my clothes and move so that my breast is in front of his mouth. He darts his tongue out to lick it but I pull back slightly, bringing my thumb and forefinger to my nipple, pinching and twisting it. I trace it along his lips but this time he doesn't do anything until I give him permission.

"Open." I say gruffly.

He does as he's told and takes my nipple into his mouth, licking and sucking and then moving the tip of his tongue into my ring and tugging it. I groan, feeling the sensation all the way to my groin. I move my nipple out of his mouth and bring my other nipple to him. He looks up at me and I nod. He then begins the same pattern. I grab his hair with both of my hands, forcing him to look up at me.

"Make me come." I demand.

I stand up throwing my right leg over his shoulder and wrapping it around the pole. I bring my pussy close to his mouth and he darts his tongue out, lapping all around my clit and folds, moaning loudly the entire time. I move my other leg around his shoulder as well and grip onto the pole for balance. I then lean back and get into a better position so that he can stick his tongue inside of me. He doesn't hesitate as his tongue quickly moves inside my entrance, circling in and out of me and then darting out again to sweep across my clit. I am so keyed up from his little show that it doesn't take long for him to make me come. I scream out and instinctually push against his mouth, he continues sucking on me feverishly while I writhe against him, riding out my orgasm.

I pull off of him and straddle his lap again, seeing that he is already coming back to life. I reach down and start stroking him, rubbing him against my sex as he moans. I turn around so that my back is against him and ease onto his waiting cock. We both groan when he enters me. I move up and down on him slowly and then bring my hands to his sexy legs. I am resting on my knees and then lean forward slightly. His cock moves partly out of me and then I start moving back and forth, my hands griping onto his legs tightly. He is moaning and without even looking at him I can tell he is straining. This is a tough position for a man as his cock isn't meant to bend this way but fuck it, it feels too fucking good. I give him a chance to adjust and then when his breathing normalizes I start moving again back and forth. Oh yeah. This is one of those pleasure pain things I am always telling him about.

I know he wants to say something but he knows he can't which is so fucking sexy. I do this several more times and then sit back up and move up and down on him fast. I move my hand down to where we are joined and further still until I am cupping his balls. He starts panting and I know he needs to come but I'm not ready yet. I lean against his chest and lay my feet flat on either side of him, moving up and down. I bring both of my hands to my breasts and start squeezing and pinching on my nipples, our moans rising in volume over Justin Timberlake's Sexy Back which by the way was the perfect song for him to choose.

"You may come." I state, giving him permission.

He cries out arching his hips up as I bring my fingers to my swollen clit. I run my fingers across it a couple of times and come again just as he releases inside of me. His body tenses as we ride out our orgasms and then he falls limp underneath me. I have to turn around to see that sexy fucking look on his face before I will be completely satisfied. I lift off of him and as I turn around. I see it! The eyes barely open, the mouth parted ever so slightly and the gentle sighing. That's my sex look. That's the look that tells me I took him to another dimension. I smile victoriously as I get off of him feeling completely and utterly invincible as I quickly undo the tie that's binding him to the pole.

Best fucking birthday EVER!

* * *

><p><strong>AN… *puffs on my ciggie* oh who am I kidding I don't smoke. But I tell you what. I would need one after THAT! Soooo… Like I told my beta's 'I can't be held responsible for what happens when I stare at the chocolate suit for too long' *wink, wink* Now, I told you all, a long time ago that I had something very special lined up for the chocolate suit. Can you really blame Bella for going all Domme after that performance? He basically gave her permission…LOL… Anyway, make sure to check out the blog. I made a video of the chocolate goodness with Sexy Back as the music. You must see! I also put some pictures of their outfits on Whidbey Island and the jewelry he gave her.**

**As always show me some love. We are nearing the end folks… GAH! That makes me sad but I figure it's therapeutic to prep you all along the way. *SIGH* okie dokie… send me a review let me know what you thought of her birthday… I'm bringing sexy back, them mother fuckers don't know how to act!**


	55. Ch 54: A Moth to a Flame

**Rating: M- For lemons (lots of them), language and situations. So this means if you're under 16 please be responsible for yourself.**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer is the sole owner of the world of Twilight. I am just having a little harmless fun with her characters.**

**Once again thank you to my amazing Beta's A & C for your guidance, encouragement & support. You girls are truly the best! So… check out the blog for pictures for this chapter. I have also uploaded the new song for your consideration. The song I picked is an oldie but goodie and sort of went with the feel of the later part of the chapter. Although the chapter is from Edward's POV this song definitely defines how Bella often feels around him.**

**So I know last chapter was a bit yummy. I hope the chocolate wasn't to 'rich' for ya. I ain't gonna lie; I really enjoyed writing that chapter. Now, do you all remember a long time ago, Bella thinking she would like to do a role-play? That's all I'm saying :-)**

* * *

><p>Like a moth to a flame burned by the fire;<br>My love is blind can't you see my desire  
>Like a moth to a flame burned by the fire;<br>My love is blind can't you see my desire

That's the way love goes; like a moth to a flame burned by the fire  
>That's the way love goes; my love is blind can't you see my desire<p>

Come with me don't you worry, I'm gonna make you crazy  
>I'll give you the time of your life<br>I'm gonna take you places you've never been before  
>And you'll be so happy that you came<p>

That's the way love goes; that's the way love goes  
>That's the way love goes; that's the way love goes<p>

Don't mind if I light candles  
>I like to watch us play and baby I've got on what you like<br>Come closer baby closer reach out and feel my body  
>I'm gonna give you all my love<p>

Oh sugar don't you hurry, you've got me here all night  
>Just close your eyes and hold on tight<br>Oh baby, don't stop, don't stop, go deeper baby deeper,  
>You feel so good I'm gonna cry<p>

That's The Way Love Goes by Janet Jackson

**Chapter 54: A Moth To A Flame**

**EPOV**

"Professor Cullen?"

I hear someone talking to me in the distance but I am lost in thought. That seems to happen often. It's been a few weeks since Bella's birthday but I can't stop thinking about it. I had told Alice and Rose what I wanted to do. Rose said she could reserve a room at Centerfold's because she knew the owner. You know people say things about Bella but Rose sure knows the 'owners' of a lot of establishments. But then Alice got the bright idea that I should take this pole dancing class. She said they offered them at a lot of different places because it was great exercise. I mean I thought that was kind of stupid at first. I knew how to dance well enough that I figured it wouldn't be that difficult to take my clothes off in front of Bella. But Alice insisted. So I signed up and for two weeks, five days a week I went to this class. I was the only guy in there I might add but I don't think anyone minded and once I got over my initial embarrassment I started to have fun with it. And, of course after Bella's response I realized once again that I should never doubt my sister.

It's the first week of the semester and I have already been inundated with people wanting to add my class. I have had to start putting them on the wait list. I don't understand why people would want to be on the wait list for a class taught by a new teacher versus just getting into another one.

"Professor Cullen?" A young female voice says, coming from the door.

I turn to look at her and smile. She doesn't say anything right away.

"How can I help you?" I ask, waiting for her to respond.

"Are you taking any more students in your English 101 class?"

"No, I'm sorry I'm not able to take any more students. I can put you on the wait list but there are other classes with availability." I say, picking up a sheet with the available classes on it.

I had decided to put together a list of courses offered in the hopes they could get into those classes versus waiting for mine on the off chance I can add them. I walk over to her and she lets out an audible sigh as I hand her the paper. Okay. This is getting ridiculous. She takes the paper and walks out the door. I shake my head and laugh, glancing at the clock and sending Bella a quick text before heading to my English Lit class. When my phone buzzes I automatically assume it is Bella and smile.

*****Can we meet for lunch?*****

I frown. Why does dad want to meet with me? I send him a quick text telling him my availability. I wonder what this is about. Shit! Things have been going so good. My phone buzzes again.

*****I will pick you up in the Padleford parking lot at 11:30.*****

I look at it and sigh. As I grab my bag and head out of the office my phone buzzes again. I reluctantly look at it but when I do I am grinning from ear to ear. Yep, I think this grin will be plastered on my face all day.

*****I love you Professor Cullen. Try not to dazzle any more of your students, I don't think the ER can handle it.*****

By the time lunch rolls around I am a nervous wreck. I anxiously walk towards the parking lot with my stomach in knots. I don't know why I am worrying. Maybe it's because things have been going so well I am starting to get paranoid. I see my dad's car and walk over there. His driver steps out of the car and opens the door for me. My dad is typing on his phone when I get in and then as soon as the door shuts he sets it down, turning to me and smiling.

"You look good son. How do you like teaching?"

"I love it. Teaching three classes is definitely difficult but so far it is going well."

"Good." He says nodding, "That's good to hear. I am glad you are doing something you really enjoy. Do you have a preference for lunch?" He asks with a smile.

I just stare at him worried. How can he expect me to eat knowing he has something to tell me? He just never had the knack for calming me down like mom did. My dad eyes my expression and frowns.

"Just tell me what you need to tell me Dad. The suspense is killing me." I say quickly.

"Poor choice of words, son." He says arching his brow before finally just sighing, "Fine… Jenks found Vicky. I am leaving tonight to meet up with him. I thought you should know."

"You found Vicky?" I furrow my brows, contemplating. "What are you going to do to her?"

My dad smirks and looks out the window. He doesn't say anything right away and I feel conflicted. I think James used her for years and she did help Bella in the end. But I don't know. I guess I am confused about how I feel about retribution.

"She deserves to pay for her part in all of this." He says cryptically, whilst staring out the window, then he turns to me and I remember seeing that look in his eyes when we went after Mike. "You are NOT coming with me this time. I just wanted you to know that I was taking care of it. I didn't want you to worry."

"What if something happens to you?" I ask meekly.

He finally smiles again and taps my shoulder, "Son. Nothing is going to happen to me."

I nod but I am not 100% convinced. Something happened to him when we went after James. Besides, despite what he thinks he isn't invincible. He has a nice scar on his shoulder to prove it.

"Is it okay if I tell Bella?"

He shrugs, "If you must. I'm not opposed to her knowing if you think she will be okay with it."

"I'll tell her. I don't want to keep this all to myself and I don't want to keep secrets from her." I say looking down.

He nods and pats me on the shoulder again, "Son, don't worry. I should only be gone a couple of days and after this it will truly be over. I won't allow anyone to hurt either of you again. She's the last link and she can't slip away this time."

He frowns when he says that last part. My dad has been keeping me updated on Jenks progress in tracking her. Dad had said she slipped away from Jenks twice. The first time was at the condo when everything happened with James and then again about 3 weeks ago. Dad told me after this last time he was going to personally ensure that it didn't happen again. Apparently she is a lot more resourceful than dad or Jenks had anticipated. After she left Seattle she had gone to Arizona and withdrew all of James' money from his safe deposit boxes and took off. Jenks just missed her in Arizona. She has been moving in an erratic fashion and just spending the cash she has which is substantial and frankly has made it very difficult to track her. Jenks found that a lot of her history was fabricated but he was able to gather some intelligence on her which is how he found out she was in Texas. Unfotunately she slipped across the border having convinced some poor schmuck to help her escape an abusive ex that was following her. When Jenks showed up asking questions about her he was carted off to the police station for questioning and now, well, now he has a vendetta against her as well. But by the time it was straightened out she had vanished again. Jenks was pissed as was dad. At this point though I just want to be free of all the lingering effects of what James did. I am tired of thinking about it, tired of worrying about it, and tired of the constant reminder that I almost lost Bella because of that sick and twisted man.

I nod at him knowing I can't argue this or try to have him reconsider his position. There is no way he would. The day Vicky betrayed Bella was the day she signed her own death certificate. I'm not naïve, okay, well I am but not on this. I know my dad's intent is to make sure she is eliminated. He won't rest until that happens and I guess I need to be okay with that, even if I do feel sorry for her.

"How about Shultzy's?" I ask, wanting to change the subject desperately.

Dad laughs heartedly, tapping me on the shoulder again, "I haven't been there in ages."

* * *

><p>I walk in to our place and my senses are completely bombarded by the smell of Italian cooking. Bella has been on an Italian fix the last week and our house has smelled like basil and shallots and whatever else is in all those Italian dishes she keeps making. She is humming when I walk into the kitchen and I run my hand over her ass as I go to the fridge.<p>

"Don't fuck with the chef when she's in the zone." She says winking.

I chuckle and smile, "Well, I like fucking with the chef." I say arching my brow.

"Mmmm, later baby." She says as I kiss her soft lips. She sighs and nudges me away, grinning. "You are going to make me mess up my stuffed chicken breasts with your sexiness. Now go away before I end up ordering take out."

I grin and kiss her again before leaving her to do whatever it is she is doing in there. She could have easily been a chef. She's got four different bowls on the counter and a definite assembly line thing going on. I walk to the table, pulling out some papers. An hour later I have gone over my lecture for tomorrow's class and Bella is setting a plate in front of me. I lean down and smell it, closing my eyes and sighing.

"This looks and smells wonderful Bella."

She smiles radiantly, "It's chicken breasts stuffed with spinach, artichoke hearts, sun dried tomatoes and a ricotta, mozzarella and asiago cheese blend rolled in a pecan crust and then baked over wild rice, served with grilled asparagus and fresh bread."

I stare at her satisfied expression and smile, taking a bite and moaning in delight.

"Do you like it?" She asks, eager for my review.

I nod, taking another bite. "Isabella it's glorious! You really could have been a chef."

She grins proudly and takes a bite. We eat and she tells me about her day. I am lost in thought trying to decide how to tell her what my dad said earlier.

"Oh…Your mom called me today." She says bringing me out of my thoughts.

I stop chewing and look at her.

"She wants us to come over this weekend. I don't have to work so I said yes. Sorry. I should have asked you first." She says, misinterpreting the concern on my face.

I shake my head, "No, baby it's alright. I'm just curious is all. My dad came to see me today as well."

"Really? He came to the school?"

I nod and take a deep breath, setting my fork down.

"Jenks found Vicky. He wanted to tell me he was leaving tonight."

I can see that her hand is shaking, "Is he going to hurt her?" She asks softly.

I shrug, "Probably. I… I didn't want to know." I say looking down, picking at my food.

We sit in silence for what seems like hours but I am sure it is only minutes, seconds even.

"Whatever happens… happens. We aren't responsible Edward." She says with conviction as I look up at her, "I don't want her hurt. I know what it's like to make bad choices that won't go away but we can't change the course she set in motion when she decided to help James." She looks down shaking her head, "I already carry too much guilt. I can't carry this as well. I won't."

I reach my hand over the table and she takes it in hers.

"I love you Isabella." I say earnestly.

She smiles and takes a deep breath, "I love you as well."

"Whatever happens…happens." I say repeating her words, making sure they stay in my head. I stand up and walk around to her, pulling her up to me and kissing her eager lips.

"What about dinner?" She asks as my mouth moves down her neck.

I lift her on top of the counter separating the kitchen from the dining room, "It can wait a few moments." I say as I undo my pants pulling out my over eager cock.

I push her pants off, letting them fall to the ground as I pull her to the edge of the counter. She wraps her legs around my lower back pulling me to her. I enter her quickly, my mouth against her lips, savoring the feel of her walls closing in around me.

* * *

><p>"Baby…Please, stop being so nervous. I am sure everything is okay." Bella says as we pull up to my parent's house.<p>

I nod hoping she is right. I tried calling my dad yesterday but he didn't pick up. My mom doesn't seem worried but after what I witnessed with Mike who's to say something didn't go terribly wrong. Dad should have been back two days ago and I can't help but worry. I don't bother knocking but just open the door letting out a sigh of relief when I hear both of my parents in the sitting room. Bella squeezes my hand and smiles up at me as I practically pull her into the room. My dad looks up at me and grins, nodding slightly and I almost want to cry. I know it's not very manly and all but hell, after all the shit we have all been through, after watching him almost die and then seeing him immobilized, I'm a little sensitive where my dad is concerned. I drop Bella's hand and walk over to him, pulling him into a hug when he stands to greet me.

"Everything is alright." He whispers in my ear, holding me tightly. "It's done."

I nod and pull away from him. "I called you and you didn't answer."

"Well… It was a bit more complicated than I anticipated but everything is fine now."

Bella comes up to us and gives my dad a hug, "Glad your home Daddy C."

He pulls back slightly looking at her 'oh shit' expression and starts shaking his head, laughing. Bella visibly relaxes and glances at me. I just smirk at her. I can't believe she actually called him that, to his face.

"Lunch won't be ready for a little bit but I wanted to ask you something Bella." My mom says as we all sit down on the couches.

"Sure, is everything okay?" Bella asks and I can hear the nervousness in her voice.

"Of course, Isabella." My mom says and looks at my father smiling, then back at us. "As you know, Carlisle and I have founded many non-profit organizations across Seattle."

"Yes, I'm aware of that." Bella says, confused.

"Well, once a year we honor our major contributors with a small reception of sorts at Canlis restaurant. Have you heard of it?"

Bella smiles, "Yes, heard of but have never been, Esme."

I smile. Canlis is an expensive semi-formal restaurant. It's not something that Isabella would have ever voluntarily chosen to do. I have attended these functions with my parents on many occasions. Well, not last year. Once Bella was gone I wasn't attending anything.

"Well, this year Carlisle and I will be announcing a new program in the Seattle area and we would like for you and your friends, and your mom and step dad if you would like, to attend."

Bella stares at her incredulously, "Why would you want all of us there?"

My dad gets up and walks behind my mom, resting his hand on her shoulder.

"We are opening a safe house for women and children who have been the victims of violence. We will offer safe beds until a shelter or other arrangements can be made, counseling services, support groups for both women and children, financial assistance if needed, help with filing charges. You name it and it will be offered there. We would like you to speak if you would be comfortable doing that." My mom says, watching Bella intently.

Bella has tears in her eyes, "Esme that is so wonderful and very much needed. Thank you both for doing this. I don't know what I would say though. I am sure there is someone of importance that could say something meaningful. Why would you want me to do it?"

My mom frowns when Bella demeans herself but then looks up at dad and smiles. He steps away from my mom and starts walking over to Bella, touching her shoulder. When she looks up at him he smiles brightly at her. He has sure come along way. It's hard to believe that last year he was so adamant that we shouldn't be together and now he has risked his life for her.

"We are naming it after you. It will be called Swan House. And we want you to speak because you ARE someone of importance." He says earnestly.

Bella starts crying and leans into me; I gently run my hand up her back and into her hair. I had no idea that they were doing this. I wonder why they didn't tell me. Well it doesn't matter. I think it is perfect that they are naming it after Bella. After all that she has been through, she deserves that.

"Is that a yes, Isabella?" My mom asks softly.

Bella looks over to her, nodding. I mouth the words thank you to my parents and hold Bella close to me. Happy tears are so much better than sad tears. I kiss the top of her head and whisper _I love you_ to her several times.

"Lunch is ready." Irina says as she comes into the sitting room.

* * *

><p>October seemed to fly by. Bella was working her regular shifts at the hospital and I was busy with school. Things seemed to be smoother now that the weight of Vicky was off of our backs. As much as I thought of her as a victim as well she was a part of all of this and now that she is gone it really does feel over. School is going smoothly for me. I feel like I found a rhythm in my teaching and have already been asked to teach next semester. The dean said that in another year a full time faculty position should be opening up and that he would love to hire me for that position. In the meantime he said he could offer me five classes per semester. That works for me.<p>

So apparently every year the dean holds this Halloween party at the school. It's for the entire English faculty. I never knew that he did that but then again I wasn't faculty last year. Bella and I talked about it and are planning to go. I would rather stay at the Edgewater with Bella but I know we need to make an appearance, especially if I want to make full time faculty in a year. Bella had wanted to book a suite at the Edgewater for the weekend, just to get away. At first I was a little hesitant after what had happened the last time we stayed at the Edgewater but Bella said that's why she wanted to do it, to make it ours and not James'. This does make sense, so I agreed willingly.

Bella told me to meet her at the hotel and to come in costume so we could go over to UW afterwards. Now, normally I would be a little embarrassed but Bella and I are pirates this year and that is so freaking cool. I have on this Will Turner get up, with black pants, a long sleeve black jacket over a maroon shirt that isn't buttoned. I have on these awesome pirate boots that come up to my knees and a fucking leather sash thing to hold my sword in along with a leather belt for my knife. Fucking A! I love this outfit and I have a black do-rag over my head holding my hair out of my face since it isn't long enough to pull into a pony tail. Bella keeps calling me Captain Edward but I want a cooler name.

I literally strut through the Edgewater on my way up to the suite. I know people are looking at me but hell it's Halloween and I must say this outfit is tight. When I get to our suite I use the key she left me and open the door. I freeze when I feel a knife at my neck.

"I knew you would come." Bella says closing the door with her boot.

"What do you want?" I say quickly, reaching for my sword.

"I want you to give me what you stole." She says as she unstraps my sword sash and it drops on the floor. She kicks it out of my reach.

I take a good look at her and feel my cock twitch in these flimsy pants. She is wearing those black fuck me boots of hers, a satin white mini skirt that covers practically nothing, a maroon top with black lace sleeves that comes to a V, barely holding in her ample breasts that comes to an inverted V at her waist showing her sexy stomach. She tops it off with a black pirate hat, with her hair flowing wildly around her.

"I don't know what you're talking about." I say smirking at her.

She reaches behind her, pulling out a set of handcuffs. She roughly turns me around so that I am facing the door and then quickly places the handcuffs on me. She yanks on them, forcing me to follow her. My mind and body are ready to erupt in anticipation. She walks me into the bedroom area that now has two sets of the long handcuffs she used on me before looped around the top corners of the four post bed. Oh Damn! I remember a long time ago her teasing me about shackling me to a bed and torturing information out of me. She forces me on my knees, grabbing my hair and making me look at her.

"Give me what you stole." She says again.

"No." I state adamantly. I can play along.

She stares at me, smirking sexily. "Fine, if I must torture you first then I will."

She quickly pushes my shirt and jacket off of my shoulders. They bunch at my wrists as she jerks me up, she grabs both hanging cuffs and loops them around my wrists as she pushes my legs apart. She brings her fake knife to my nuts and smiles.

"If you move I will be taking more than my gold with me."

I stare at her and don't move as she removes my boots and cuffs my ankles to the bottom of the bed. I didn't even see those there. She then climbs on the bed behind me and cuffs both of my wrists before releasing the hand cuffs. As she does this she slips my jacket and shirt off. I see them fly off the bed from the corner of my eye. She then comes around to the front of the bed and unbuckles my belt as it falls unceremoniously on the floor.

"I must say Captain Edward; you are quite the sight before me. I have heard tales of your beauty and how you have stolen many fortunes from unsuspecting women just by satisfying their every carnal need." She says, running the tip of her fake knife around my nipples, using the tip to twist my barbells.

I moan softly and then lean forward slightly, running my tongue over my lips, "If you let me go I can show you how well I can satisfy you."

She smirks at me and runs her knife down my chest, running the tip into the top of my pants, moving it back and forth. I close my eyes, savoring the feel of her touch. She abruptly pulls away and I open my eyes, staring at her satisfied expression.

"But alas, I come here for my treasure, not to feel you buried within me." She says, running the tip of her knife along my cheek.

I smirk again. "Well, my lady, commence with the torture as I will not tell you where it is hidden."

She moves away from me and walks around to the back of the bed. I can't see her so I am not sure what she has planned but I am hard and waiting for her. My cock keeps moving in my pants begging for attention. I feel her get on top of the bed and then quickly there are four quick smacks lightly across my back. It is painful but only slightly, more like a light stinging and then I feel her move something soft, like fur, over me and then the tip of her tongue moves along the same area. Oh God! Goosebumps form across my entire body as I feel her hand move between my legs, squeezing my fully hard cock through my pants. I let out a low guttural moan, swiveling my hips and rubbing my cock into her hand.

She moves her hand around the waist band before pushing my pants down. They fall loosely at my feet as she moves her body close to me, using both of her hands to squeeze and stroke my cock. She then pulls away from me and I feel the bed move and then she hits me again, this time twice on either side of my ass, followed by the fur and then her tongue. The bed shifts again and then she repeats the pattern on my back and ass only a little harder. She does this several more times, getting progressively harder each time she does it but this last time when she gets to my ass she moans as she starts nibbling along the areas she has just hit. I am breathing hard now, torn between using our safe word and coming all over the damn place, both of which I don't think she would like very much.

I feel her hot breath against my skin and can tell she is breathing hard as well. She definitely likes this which really is turning me on to no end. I feel her move off of the bed as she comes around front holding some kind of weird thing in her hand. It has a handle with several strands of purple leather on it. I can see her chest heaving as she stands in front of me, her mouth is slightly parted as she assess me, she runs her tongue along her lips bringing the whip, no it's not a whip, what the hell is it? Well, whatever it is she brings it to my chest.

"Where's my gold?"

I am actually tempted to just start making shit up so that she can unshackle me and let me fuck her but the look in her eye says to not give in, that she is enjoying this too much. I just shake my head at her. She smirks before hitting me hard on my stomach. Fuck! That fucking hurt but before I can say or do anything I feel her mouth on my cock, she runs her teeth roughly along my shaft and I close my eyes tightly, my body at war with itself, feeling intense pain and pure pleasure all at the same time. She sucks on my cock hard and then pulls her mouth away from me just running her tongue all around the slit.

"Then I will have to fuck my gold's worth out of you… You will give me what I want, Captain Edward." She says nibbling on my head as I quickly start panting and moaning.

She stands again and hits me across my chest with the purple thing, twice before twisting and pulling on my barbells roughly. My nipples are hard and elongated and I want her to suck on them badly. She steps back and hits me again twice more a little harder than the last time and then she brings her mouth to first my right and then left nipple, sucking and nibbling on them. She repeats this again and I am squirming against her, trying to find some friction. She steps back again; her face is flushed with excitement as she hits me twice across my stomach. I am breathing heavily now, as my cock starts pulsing. FUCK! I stare at her panicked, not sure what I can do to stop my impending orgasm. She is on her knees quickly, her mouth enveloping my cock and the minute I feel the wetness of her hot mouth I explode, moaning and panting loudly. When my body stops shaking she looks up at me and I'm not sure how to interpret the look on her face.

"You came before you were told."

I start heaving as she stands up. She raises her hand to hit me again but stops, breathing heavily. She is staring at me intently, watching my expression and I can tell that she is conflicted.

"I should punish you for that."

At this point I am not sure if we are still in the pirate role play or if she is just being straight Domme right now but I need to do something. I don't want to mess this up for her especially knowing she hasn't gotten off yet. I shift my hips at her, nudging the thing she has in her hand. She smirks and steps away from me. She hits me twice more, once across each of my thighs and then brings what looks like some sort of fur thing over my thighs. Mmm, that feels good. She then starts licking and sucking where she just hit. She does this a few more times before dropping the whip or whatever the hell it is on the floor and getting on her knees to undo the shackles on my feet.

"Move onto the bed." She says huskily.

I step out of my pants but my legs feel like jelly so I struggle a bit. I haphazardly lift my legs up on the bed, pushing myself all the way on it. She runs her hands up my thighs, squeezing and kneading them as she works her way back up to my cock. She moves her mouth over my cock that is coming to life for her already. She sucks lightly on my head before pushing against my stomach. The cuffs are connected in a way that allows them to move easily to the head of the bed. She keeps nudging me until I am as far back as the cuffs will allow me and then she forces me down as far as I can. I am almost touching the bed but not quite. I move my legs so that my feet are flat on the bed but it is an awkward position and I am not sure I am going to be able to thrust completely like this.

She smiles and then removes her outfit slowly, except for the boots. She crawls up to me, grabbing my cock in her hand and squeezing before letting it go.

"I am going to fuck you now, Captain Edward, but you are not allowed to come. If you do I will punish you, severely. Do you understand?"

I nod crazily and watch as she reaches over to the table, picking up a condom, the bottle of lube, and a vibrator. My mouth waters in anticipation. We haven't done this since my birthday. With everything that has been going on and then her injuries we just haven't had the opportunity. Oh God! My cock is now at full staff, waiting for her. She sits on the bed in front of me, her knees bent and her legs spread.

"Do you want this?" She says running the tip of the vibrator from her clit to her ass. "Or should I take care of myself?"

I groan as she squeezes lube on the vibrator and then inserts it inside her waiting ass. My cock is eagerly bouncing up and down in excitement, waiting for its turn. She stops what she is doing, removing the vibrator and leaning up to me, kissing me deeply as she strokes my ever hardening length. She slips on the condom and squeezes a generous amount of lube on my cock. She turns around and a few moments later I am inside her. The sounds escaping my throat are almost primal, full of need and want.

I can't really thrust very well or anything as I am slightly suspended off the bed. My back can touch the headboard but every time I do it hurts so I can't use that for leverage. I can make a slight move up but the position I am in really has me at a disadvantage. She is completely in charge. She is moving slowly up and down on me. I want to tell her to go faster but I know I can't so I just moan and groan relentlessly. She starts picking up her pace and I want to come so badly but I hold on to every ounce of self-control that I have. I won't come before she tells me. Not again. I don't see her hands so I'm not sure what she is doing because I don't feel the vibrator inside her like I did the last time but I hear it and I hear her, moaning and grunting. A few moments later I feel her orgasm rip through her body. I scream out wanting to come desperately as her muscles contract, tightening and squeezing my cock. _Oh God!_ My breathing picks up and my heart is racing as I try desperately to hold off my orgasm.

"Not yet." She says, gritting her teeth, recognizing that I am dangerously close to coming again.

She moves up and down on me a few more torturous times and then pulls off of me, turning around to face me as she rips the condom off and quickly comes down on my throbbing cock. She wraps her legs around me and starts moving swiftly up and down. She grabs my face in her hands and starts kissing me wildly. My breathing is rapid, my heart feels like it is going to beat out of my chest and my body aches both from pain and pleasure. I can't feel my legs now and my wrists are starting to hurt as well. In addition my fingers feel funny and just when I think I can't take it anymore she whispers against my mouth.

"Come."

And I do, for a long time; in fact it almost feels like I will never stop and when I feel her own orgasm take her I come some more. When my panting finally subsides she lifts off of me and undoes the cuffs holding my arms in place. I drop to the bed, closing my eyes and trying to steady my racing heart.

"Lay on your stomach baby." She says kissing my lips softly.

I do as she says and a few minutes later she is rubbing something onto my back. God, that feels so good. Whatever it is it is cool on my skin and takes the sting away. When she is done she lays down next to me looking into my droopy eyes.

"Are you okay? Baby... Tell me where you are hurt?" She asks concerned.

"Hmm." I say, unable to form words yet. My eyes close and I breathe in deeply. I have that 'she just fucked me senseless grin' that she loves so much plastered permanently on my face.

She runs her hands along my cheek. "Just sleep then. I will wake you up when it is time to get ready for the party at your school."

"Let's stay here. I don't want to go." I reach for her and wrap my arms around her.

"Sweetheart, we have to go. You told me it was important." She whispers as she runs her fingers into my hair, massaging my scalp softly.

"Uh, uh. I just want to lay here with you." I pout into her neck.

"Well… how about we go for an hour and then come back here and you can make love to me as much as you'd like." She says as I nuzzle further into her neck.

"Hmm… I like that idea." I say as I drift off to sleep.

* * *

><p><strong>AN… ahhh, well… you know I have no words. Check out the blog for pics of their costumes and the bed of course. I feel a bit remorseful and sad. Only one more chapter left *SIGH* I wonder if other authors feel the same way as their story comes to an end?**

**Okay folks, hit me up with a review...LIKEY…NO LIKEY the BDSM role-play. I actually toned it down some…LOL… okie dokie… see you soon :-) **


	56. Ch 55: To Love A Woman

**Rating: M- For lemons (lots of them), language and situations. So this means if you're under 16 please be responsible for yourself.**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer is the sole owner of the world of Twilight. I am just having a little harmless fun with her characters.**

**Well, it is a Holiday here in the States and you all know how I love to post on Holidays :-)**

**Once again thank you to my amazing Beta's A & C for your guidance, encouragement & support. Best beta's EVAH! So… check out the blog for pictures for this chapter. I have also uploaded the new song for your consideration. Now although this chapter is written from Bella's perspective the song is ALL Edward. When I was listening to music in the very beginning of this story my mom suggested this song for Edward. So thanks mom, it does fit him to a tee. The song is another oldie but I thought it a fitting song to end with, it's from Bryan Adams and I will let the words speak for Edward.**

**Yes, well…hmm, last but not least **

* * *

><p>To really love a woman, to understand her<br>You gotta know her deep inside  
>Hear every thought, see every dream<br>An' give her wings when she wants to fly  
>Then when you find yourself lyin' helpless in her arms<br>You know you really love a woman

When you love a woman, you tell her that she's really wanted  
>When you love a woman you tell her that she's the one<br>'Cuz she needs somebody to tell her, it's gonna last forever  
>So tell me have you ever really<br>Really, really ever loved a woman?

To really love a woman, let her hold you  
>Til' you know how she needs to be touched<br>You've gotta breathe her, really taste her  
>Til' you can feel her in your blood<br>An' when you can see your unborn children in her eyes  
>You know you really love a woman<p>

Have you ever really loved a woman by Bryan Adams

**Chapter 55: To Love A Woman**

**BPOV**

"Isabella… stop fidgeting. Everything is going to be okay." He says kissing me lightly on the forehead.

I smile but don't stop the gnawing I am doing on my finger. We are sitting in the lounge at Sea-Tac waiting on my mother and Phil. They announced their planes arrival and now I just want to turn around and tell Esme never mind. I don't want to do it. I don't want my mom here. But it's too late. I already said yes to both. Dr. Jackson thought it would be a good idea to include my mother in the festivities. She thought maybe I had punished her enough. Well, I don't think she used the word punished but she had said something about forgiveness for past mistakes, blah, blah, blah, but I don't know. I suppose I have to forgive her at some point. She has never really been a part of my life so why start now? I frown, knowing that is exactly why I have to do this. I never allowed her to be a part of my life and then got pissed when she stopped trying. I sigh. Dr. Jackson is right. I have punished her long enough. I need to let this shit go.

Of course Edward is over the moon to meet her but to be honest I think he is more interested in meeting Phil as are Jasper and Emmett. Boys! I see her and Phil walking down the long hall. It's raining and cold outside but mom apparently thinks she is still in Florida. She is wearing one of those flowing skirts with little jewels on it and a flimsy peasant top. When I glance down at her feet I just shake my head and laugh, the woman is wearing flip flops… in December. She sees me and is beaming. When she gets up to me she drops her oversized bag that she calls a purse and pulls me into a hug.

"Oh, Bells… You look beautiful." She says and then sighs as she steps back slightly. "I'm sorry. I know you don't want me to call you that."

I take a deep breath, "It's okay... Mom." I say softly as Edward rubs my shoulders. "Mom, Phil. This is Edward."

My mom shamelessly looks him up and down, "Your picture did not do you justice." She says, smiling. "It's a pleasure to finally meet you." She says while hugging him… tightly. Geez, Mom!

"It's good to meet you." Phil says, shaking his hand and pulling my mom off Edward in the process.

"We reserved a room for you at the Edgewater. We can check you in so that you can rest and then my parents have asked us over to their place for dinner if you don't mind." Edward says in his sweet and melodious voice and my mom looks at him and damn it if he didn't just dazzle her. She's a grown woman for God's sake, well technically I am too but she's more grown than I am.

"That would be wonderful." Mom says as Phil puts his arm around her shoulders and picks up their carry-on bag. My mom had sent her dress to Alice who had it pressed and its waiting for her at her boutique while Phil's suit was sent to the hotel.

As we are walking along the halls of the Edgewater, I am reminded immediately of the last time Edward and I were here. I grin to myself, remembering the rush I felt while flogging him and then the primal euphoria I felt when we were fucking afterwards. My body tingles at the thought and I feel a wetness forming in my lower region. Oh yes! After he had slept soundly for a couple of hours I had started to worry when he wouldn't get out of bed. I thought maybe I had gone too far but he told me that I hadn't. I eventually had to coax him out of bed by promising him fellatio in a nice warm shower. That got him moving! He's sure got a thing about the shower. But once in there I had paid special attention to his back, which was still pink from the flogger. Fuck that was seriously sexy. But at least I restrained myself enough not to break any skin. He was definitely sore for a few days afterwards but he said he would let me do it again if I wanted. Just not right away. I wonder how he would feel about my crop. I shake my head trying to get the images out of my mind and am vaguely aware of my mother talking to Edward.

"Isabella?" Edward says smirking.

I turn to him, my eyes glossy with need. I blink a few times and he comes over to me, leaning in close to my ear. "I know what you're thinking." He whispers seductively as he runs his tongue along my ear. I glance at him and smile, feeling electricity shoot through me.

"Wow… this is some view." Phil says breaking Edward and I out of our bubble.

"What time should we be ready?" My mom asks.

"We'll pick you up at 5:30. My parents live outside of Seattle city limits." Edward says, and then adds, "Help yourself to whatever you would like. Everything is on the house."

And with that we are out the door. I start heading towards the elevator but Edward jerks my hand and pulls me into the stairwell. He glances around quickly and then turns me around, setting my hands against the wall. He brings his mouth to my neck, nibbling and sucking up and down as he quickly unsnaps my jeans. Fuck! Why didn't I wear a skirt? Oh right. It's December. His fingers move up and down over my aching sex as he groans behind me, rubbing his jean clad cock against my lower back. When he pushes my jeans down I am completely exposed to anyone who might decide to take the stairs. He slips a couple of his fingers inside of me, moaning when he feels how wet I already am. I start to move and he removes his fingers, causing me to moan in desperation. He brings both of his hands to mine, holding them in place.

"Don't move." He says huskily.

Oh God! Shivers run across my body as he removes one of his hands. He is holding my hands in place with one of his while his other hand quickly unzips his pants. He wraps his free hand around my hip and forces me back some as he lines himself up to my entrance.

"Do you want me to fuck you Isabella?" He asks, still not pushing inside of me.

"Oh God… YES! Edward fuck me… Mmm… fuck me hard, right here." I whimper against the wall.

He growls and enters me quickly. He grips my wrists tightly as he thrusts forcefully inside of me. He is grunting and moaning and breathing heavily against my neck, incomprehensible words being uttered from his mouth as he works towards his impending orgasm. He shifts slightly and hits that oh so special spot that he knows so well and my knees get weak as I scream out in pleasure.

"Oh Edward… right there baby. Mmmmmm…" I stutter and moan.

He brings his other hand down to my hip jerking me back into him relentlessly. He continues to pound into me hard and fast, grunting with every stroke he makes. He moves his hand down to my clit but he doesn't need to do that because my whole body shudders as I come gloriously around his fucking amazing cock. He whimpers behind me and thrusts twice more before finding his own release. His body stills behind me as he tries to catch his breath and I can feel the ragged beat of his heart pulsing against me.

We hear a door open below us and then movement on the stairs. He pulls out of me still breathing erratically. I bring my jeans back on as I lay my forehead against the wall, trying to steady my racing heart. The voices get further away as we realize they were going downstairs versus upstairs. He turns me around, gently pushing my back against the wall, bringing his mouth to mine. I part my lips for him and he quickly deepens our kiss, allowing his tongue to maneuver around my tongue, gently caressing and sucking on it. After several minutes he pulls away slightly, clearly out of breath.

"Was I too rough?" He asks, looking at me intently.

I grin, "Baby… You could never be too rough with me. I liked it AND I like that you initiated it." I say sucking his bottom lip into my mouth.

His eyes flutter closed again as his mouth envelopes mine. I love the feel of his soft lips against mine, the way his quiet moans trigger my heart to flutter and the way he reverently darts his tongue around mine. Life truly doesn't get much better than this.

* * *

><p>Oddly enough all the men were fascinated with Phil. Geez, he didn't play ball for THAT long for them to be all star-struck. Even Daddy C was talking about a Mariners game he took Edward to that Phil had played in and how Phil had hit a homerun or something to that effect. Edward never mentioned that? Well… it's not like I ever wanted to talk about my mom and Phil. The boys were all animated talking about baseball and then when Phil found out what Emmett did, they were all in some kind of sports frenzy. It was funny to watch.<p>

So that left all of us ladies to talk about the big night tomorrow. Alice was glowing with excitement as was my mother. Rosalie was excited more to see Emmett all dressed up than anything else. She said she has never seen him in a suit. Gee, they have been together as long as Edward and I, longer if you take into consideration the time Edward and I were apart. That's just weird. Edward loves to dress up for me, and then my mind shifts to him stripping in my chocolate suit. My face flushes recalling every move he made. He has worn the suit since then but all I can see when he wears it is him taking it off for me.

Rosalie tosses a throw pillow at me, "Focus Swan!"

I grab it and toss it back at her, nailing her in the head and smiling widely. Take that bitch! She grins evilly at me and snatches the pillow, quickly jumping up. Oh Shit! I start laughing and dart out of my chair just as she gets to me, laughing when I duck behind Esme's chair, knowing she isn't going to get me if I'm behind Esme.

"Honestly, you two." Esme says, laughing.

"Coward!" Rosalie snorts as she sits back down, laughing while she fixes her hair.

"Hey you started it. Don't be hatin' cause I'm a better shot than you." I say standing up and strolling back to my seat.

We all start laughing and then Alice gets into the zone talking about clothes and shoes and the men and how she can't wait to go and on and on and on. She is like that little energizer bunny. Ah…well, that's one of the reasons I love her. When she takes a breath she looks over at me excitedly.

"Bella do you have your speech ready?" She asks animatedly.

"Um, yeah I have it ready but I don't know if it is any good or not." I look at Esme, "Are you sure you don't want someone else to speak. I'll probably end up cursing and embarrassing everyone." I say frowning, knowing in all likelihood that THAT is exactly what will happen. I know I have difficulty talking without cursing especially when I'm nervous.

"Isabella, you will be just fine. Just pretend like you are talking to Edward." She says

Rosalie chuckles, "Yeah… Edward along with 100 of the biggest fat cats around."

I frown at her, "Not helping!"

To my surprise Alice smacks her on the arm, "Stop it Rosie. She is going to be fabulous. I'm so proud of you."

"Renee, what do you think about Isabella speaking tomorrow?" Esme asks my mom.

My mom tears up immediately. Oh God! Here we go!

"I am so proud of Bells. And was so happy that she wanted me to be here. Our time with James was…" She looks down and then away, "He was a cruel and evil man and as much as I abhor violence I am glad he can't hurt anyone anymore. My Bella was stronger than me." She turns to me, "Weren't you sweetheart?"

I don't know what I am supposed to say to that so I just shrug my shoulders.

"You went to medical school, became a surgeon. You never let anyone hurt you."

I frown, "That's because I was too busy hurting myself." I say sighing.

"Well, I know I don't tell you this often enough but I love you Isabella. And I know your daddy is smiling at you from up in the sky. I am sure that is why the moon is so bright tonight."

I stare at her, shocked, "You knew that? About the moon?"

She smiles, "Of course I did sweetheart. He was the moon and you were the North Star, always together. I told him that on the day you were born. He was so happy to be a daddy and when he looked at you I knew you two would always orbit around each other."

I start sobbing and run over to her, hugging her tightly. It's the first time I ever really hugged her on my own. She runs her hands through my hair and cries as well. After some time I pull out of the hug, wiping my eyes as she tenderly touches my face.

"I love you mom." I whisper, meaning it for the first time in my life.

* * *

><p>"You okay? You've been real quiet." He asks as we enter our place.<p>

I nod, "I just feel drained."

"You're not nervous are you?"

"No, not really." I sigh, "I think I have crossed a threshold with my mom and I'm not sure how I feel about that." I say, frowning slightly.

I have hated her for so long. I have been angry at her my whole life. For breaking daddy's heart, then for leaving Paul for that loser James, for not protecting me, and for never being a part of my life. It is a hard pill to swallow to accept her and the choices she has made. But it has to be done. How can I expect people to do the same for me if I can't even do it for my own mother?

He takes my hand and brings it to his mouth, kissing it lightly, "Do you want to talk about it?"

I shake my head, "Let's not. I have too much on my mind as it is."

He smiles and sweeps me into his arms bridal style, smiling warmly at me. I grin as he takes me into our bedroom, laying me reverently on it. He lies down next to me, watching me and it looks like he wants to say something but then he stops himself.

"What?" I ask concerned.

He looks at me quizzically.

"What were you going to say?" I can't help but worry as I look at him.

His body seems so tense as he nervously runs his fingers through his hair. He takes a deep breath and furrows his brows. "I know you haven't had the best relationship with your mom but…"

"But what?"

"But…" He closes his eyes for a moment and then opens them again, "But does that mean you don't want to have children of your own?"

I stare at him, dumbfounded. He runs his finger along my lips and then up my jaw, gently brushing a stray strand of hair out of my eyes. He swallows and then breathes in quickly before speaking softly.

"When I look at you… It's like I can imagine what our children would look like. I can see them in your eyes, hear them in your laugh and I want that Isabella… I want that with you."

"Aren't you too young to be thinking about wanting children?" I say meekly.

"I'll be 25 in six months. It's not like I'm 18 or something. I'm not a little kid." He huffs, rolling on his back, taking a deep breath and moving his arm over his eyes.

"Edward…" Great! I didn't mean to hurt his feelings but seriously, what is he thinking? "Baby… please, look at me."

He moves his hand and I can see that his eyes are wet.

"I love you but I've never really thought about having children. I mean, look at me. I am pretty fucked up still. I'm better than I was but… God honey, this time last year I was involuntarily committed to a psychiatric hospital." Then I hear James' vile words echo in my head.

"_So you see I am actually helping you. If you were to procreate with her your children would most certainly have that whore gene as well."_

I lay down in defeat. Who am I kidding? I want it all with Edward, the house, the white picket fence, the kids and even a damn dog. I'm scared though, what if James was right and my kids end up fucked up because of me.

"Isabella. I love you. I want us to have children together, someday. I guess I just wanted to know it was possible."

"Only if you can guarantee me that they come out perfect like you and not fucked up like me." I meant to say it with a smile but that doesn't work and it comes out sarcastic and bitter.

"Isabella. You are perfect, perfect for me. We're perfect for each other. But I can wait. We can wait, until you are ready." He says as he leans down to kiss me gently on the lips.

I run my fingers up the nape of his neck and into his hair, not allowing him to move away from me. He takes my top lip into his mouth as I move his bottom lip into mine. We are sucking and nibbling until he opens his mouth further and my tongue enters his. He moves back slightly, his face filled with such devotion and desire that I can't imagine what my life would be like right now had he not entered that Starbucks. Would I still be fucking around with random people? Would I still be drinking? Would James have just gotten bored watching me and intervened sooner to hurt me? I watch as he gets off of the bed and walks over to my dresser, opening up my toy drawer. He pulls out my crop, looking at it curiously and then glances back at me.

"It's a riding crop. It can be quite pleasurable." I explain with a wink.

He grins and sets it down, picking up the flogger I used on him at Halloween.

"I'm sure you remember the flogger." I say to him, watching him blush furiously as he sets it back down.

It's weird that all the time he was here by himself that he never looked in that drawer. I didn't take any of it with me. I wasn't planning on having any sex. He walks back over to me carrying a few things in his hands. He sets them on the bed and I smile at the assortment of items he has picked out.

"Can I try something?" He asks timidly.

I smile, "Of course baby."

He slips my shirt off and then takes my hands, positioning them above my head. He loosely ties them together with one of my silk scarves. I can't help but smile. I could easily slip my hands out but that's okay. This is the first time he is initiating something like this so I will let him go for it. It's weird how much I actually trust him. I would have never let anyone tie me up before. I have never trusted anyone enough to give them complete control of myself. But with Edward I trust him completely and I'm finding it very difficult to contain my excitement.

He unsnaps my jeans and slides them off. His hands move up my legs and his thumbs graze over my sex before coming over my stomach and circling my nipples. He picks up the other scarf and smiles as he ties it around my eyes. I feel his lips close to mine as he gently sweeps his tongue over them. The bed shift and then a few minutes later I hear Feelin' Love by Paula Cole. Mmm… the perfect song!

_You make me feel like a sticky pistil  
><em>_Leaning into her stamen  
><em>_You make me feel like Mr. Sunshine… himself  
><em>_You make me feel like splendor in the grass  
><em>_Where we're rolling  
><em>_Damn skippy baby,  
><em>

_You make me feel like  
><em>_The Amazon's runnin' between my thighs  
><em>_You make me feel love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love  
><em>_You make me feel love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love_

I smile as I feel his mouth on my breast, his tongue circling my nipples. I then feel my finger vibrator running tight circles over my nipples. He does that several more times until my nipples are hard and waiting. I feel a tingling sensation on my nipples and I can smell the mint so I know what he has. Usually I put it on myself but Oh Fuck ME! It feels so much better with him doing it. He sucks and tugs on first my right and then my left nipple and I can feel the fire rising within me. He senses it as well and now as he is sucking on one he is using the vibrator on the other. He does this a few more times before shifting and moving my breasts together, bringing his hot mouth and tongue over both of my nipples. He starts sucking and biting on them and my hips arch as my orgasm takes me. I can feel his smile against my breasts as he starts moving his mouth down towards my stomach as Feelin' Love repeats itself.

_You make me feel like a candy apple  
><em>_All red and horny  
><em>_You make me feel like I want to be a dumb blonde  
><em>_In a centerfold, the girl next door  
><em>_And I would open the door and I'd be all wet  
><em>_With my tits soakin' through this tiny little t-shirt  
><em>_That I'm wearing  
><em>_And you would open the door and tie me up to the bed_

_You make me feel love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love  
><em>_You make me feel love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love_

The bed shifts again and then the coolness of my warming gel is circling my belly button and then dripping inside of it. His warm breath is now making it feel like fire. He sweeps his tongue over and around and in my belly button and then moving to kiss and nibble on my hip bone. Mmmm. I have never been much for anyone messing with my stomach. Now his stomach, oh that is an entirely different matter, but mine not so much. But I'll be damned, his mouth feels so good. He runs my finger massager over my hips and then circles my belly button. That along with the gel feels fantastic but when I feel his tongue, darting in and around my belly button again I feel like I am going to explode. I arch my hips and he growls as he reaches underneath me and lifts me further against his mouth. He starts sucking intently; giving me what I would presume to be several hickies on my stomach and I find myself coming yet again. Oh my God! No one has ever made me come like that before.

_Lover I don't know who I am  
><em>_Am I Barry White, Am I Isis, ooh?  
><em>_Lover I'm laced with your unconscious  
><em>_Oh baby, babe, babe, baby  
><em>_I will be your Desdemona, Ah  
><em>_Take your time_

_You make me feel, aha  
><em>_You make me feel, woo, woo baby  
><em>_You make me feel, aha, mmm  
><em>_You make me feel loved_

He lets me slide down on the bed as he moves his mouth to my hot and ready center. Paula Cole continues to croon in the background as he spreads my legs and shifts his position slightly. He blows on my throbbing nub, before bringing his mouth over it. His tongue is swiping around it as he sucks and nibbles. I am moaning loudly, bucking into him shamelessly thinking my God I am going to be shattered by the time he is done with me. I am whimpering and feel myself building yet again as he continues to suck and lick and nibble until my body stiffens and convulses. But before I have a chance to recover I feel him shift again and then without any warning I feel one of my vibrators inside of me.

Oh God! He is moving it in and out of me and I am practically crying but there is no way I am going to stop him. He brings my wobbly legs up, planting my feet on the bed and then pushes my legs down on the bed, spreading me open for him. He is twisting and turning the vibrator inside of me, tapping my walls and making my body shiver. I am whimpering and breathing raggedly just trying to steady myself. I have had multiple orgasms before but not like this. I gave myself four in a row once just to see if I could, but this. This is so different. I can hear his shallow breaths and I am wondering when I get to feel him inside of me. Instead I feel him move the finger vibrator to the opening of my ass and I scream out arching my hips up. The bed shifts as he starts to pump that vibrator in and out of me quickly as he runs the other vibrator continuously over my opening and within seconds I am coming undone. AGAIN!

I hear him grunt and then growl as he removes the vibrator and replaces it with his cock. He is so hard and already throbbing. How he was able to contain himself while he was doing this is beyond me. I can't move. My body feels like jelly but he raises my legs, throwing them over his shoulders as he pumps into me quickly. He brings the vibrator to my clit and I think I am done. I can't even think. I am in some kind of orgasmic haze. It feels like I am having some form of sexual out of body experience.

"Come on baby… Mmm, one more time sweetheart... Come for me." He grunts as he circles my clit with the vibrator.

"Oh God, Oh God, Oh God…I…" The rest comes out garbled as I release again, my walls contracting around him.

He moans sexily and comes right along with me, panting as his body stills. After a few seconds he pulls out of me, resting my legs that I can no longer feel down on the bed. I feel him move up the bed, untying the scarf around my eyes and releasing my hands. I look into his grinning and completely satisfied face before he pulls me close and hitches my leg over his body. I'll be lucky if I wake up in the morning.

* * *

><p>As I expected I was shattered for the rest of the night and into the morning. I'm not usually on the receiving end of that kind of intensity. No wonder he always wants to sleep afterwards. He lets me sleep and wakes me when I have to get up. Alice had a spa day planned for all us girls, Esme and my mom included. While Edward and the boys did whatever it is men do when they are alone with no women around.<p>

Now I must say the spa was fucking fantastic. We all got massages, manicures, pedicures and waxing for us younger ones and then hair and makeup. My mom and Esme declined on the waxing, so when I was alone with Rose and Alice, I spilled the beans on what had happened last night. Rose stood there with her mouth hanging open as I explained how I let him tie me up, laughing at how loose the binds were. Newbie! But, a sexy as hell, Newbie. Alice is definitely getting better about the sex thing and is starting to open up more. She was more shocked that I was able to have that many orgasms and to be honest I was too. I don't think I could do that every night without having a heart attack but damn what a way to go!

Once we were all done we headed back to Alice's boutique to get ready. The men were picking us up from there. I was wearing this elegant blue dress. It was long with a huge slit up the leg that went all the way to my thigh. Hey I had to still be sexy. It was adorned with a beautiful black design on it. Much to the surprise of the girls it wasn't a V-neckline but instead the collar came all the way up to my neck. I paired it with the necklace and earrings Edward gave me for my birthday and my favorite black peep toe heels.

Rosalie was stunning in a solid red dress that swooped down the front, showing just enough cleavage for Emmett to drool over. She wore her hair up with just a few wisps of her honey blond hair falling down on either side of her face. My beautiful Alice selected a light green number that reminded me of something they would wear in the 20's. Well maybe that's because she had her hair done in one of those 20's clapper hairstyles. My mom had selected this orange dress with an unusual design on it. It was elegant but so very hippy at the same time. Fit her to a T and Esme, well, let's just say that I can't wait to see Daddy C's face when he sees her. She is breathtaking in an ivory colored dress with black lace trimmings that exposes a large part of her back.

When we hear Emmett's booming voice we all look towards the door.

"Come on girls, time to get a…" He stops midsentence, his mouth dropping open when he sees Rosalie.

Her normal smart ass response held at bay as she stares at Emmett who is dressed in a stunning black suit, cut to accent his broad shoulders and fit physique. I nudge her and when she grins I mutter 'Focus Hale!' to her. She smirks at me and then walks over to him, gently caressing his shoulders, running her hand down his arms until she has his hand in hers. He offers her one of those big Emmett smiles, dimples and all.

I don't notice anything else as Edward approaches me. He is wearing a grey suit with a crisp white shirt and a black tie, finely cut to accent his long and lean body. He walks up to me and leans down, kissing me on my forehead.

"You are truly the most beautiful woman I have ever seen." He whispers as he strokes my cheek lightly.

I smile at him and when I finally shake out of my Edward tunnel I glance around to see everyone is paired up. Damn! I missed Daddy C's expression. Oh well. I find the two of them and notice him whispering to her and I smile, wanting that to be Edward and me 30, 40, 50 years from now. We all pile into the two stretch limos and head to Canlis restaurant.

Our reception is in the Penthouse Dining room and it is exquisite. I look around and see a black grand piano in one section with a podium set up near it, and 10 tables positioned within the room. Each table is set to seat 10 people and is adorned with a crisp white table cloth, elegant flower centerpiece, with plates and glasses and the most comfortable looking chairs I have ever seen in a restaurant. Each table setting has a small bag on it with those metallic ribbons draping over the sides. There is a small couch to the left of the entrance and a full bar on the far end of the room. The floor to ceiling bay windows offers a spectacular view of Lake Union and the lighting in here just adds to the ambiance. Oh MY! We are the first to arrive and stake claim to one of the tables near the piano.

I turn to Esme and Carlisle. "This is so beautiful."

They smile at me and turn as the head waiter comes inside. When we get to the table I immediately open the bag, pulling out an invitation and some chocolate… Mmm, Godiva, the good stuff. Then there are engraved sterling silver pens that say _thank you for your support_ on them along with some sort of electrical device that when you open it brings up all the brochures and information for the various charities that Carlisle and Esme support including the new one, Swan House and finally there is a $100 gift card for Starbucks. WOW! These are some nice gifts. I pick up the invitation and it has my name on it and… Edwards. I turn to him.

"This says you're playing the piano tonight?"

He smiles and kisses me lightly. "My mom asked me to."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because I wanted it to be a surprise." He says smirking. "Surprised?"

I grin and shake my head then look around the table. "Since I am nervous and speaking tonight everyone hand over their chocolate. Since I can't get drunk or have sex in this dress I am getting chocolate wasted." I motion my hand around the table in a give-me like fashion.

"Bella… I love you but you're not getting my chocolate, you better take Edward down the hall or something." Rosalie says pure dead pan and mom and Phil choke on their water.

"You can have my chocolate Bella." Alice glances at Rose and smirks at her then looks back at me, "Cause I love you more than she does." She motions with her thumb in Rose's direction as she tosses the chocolate to me.

Rose's mouth drops, "Is that so, short stuff?"

I grin, "Oh Rose, Alice has been hanging out with us too long, pretty soon she will be cursing and talking about sex." I say winking.

The whole table starts laughing and then we watch as the place starts to fill up with important looking men with their trophy wives attached to their arms. There is lots of small talk and wheeling and dealing I would imagine. I watch in awe as Carlisle and Esme work the room, making everyone feel like they are the most important people in here, laughing at all the right times and gently touching each other when no one is paying attention. They are truly the epitome of love and devotion.

"I want that to be us." I whisper as Edward puts his arm around my shoulder.

He glances in his parent's direction and smiles, "They love each other as much today as the day they met." He nuzzles into my hair, "I want that too."

Pretty soon the waiter takes our orders. We either get Filet Mignon or the South Atlantic Sea Bass. Dang! They both sound good so Edward and I decide to get one of each and will share. Yep that's how we do things. As we go through dinner my stomach starts to clench as I know my time will be coming soon. And when Esme and Carlisle walk up to the podium my stomach drops onto the floor.

"Thank you all for coming tonight. As you all know my husband and I pride ourselves on the work we do in the community. Whether it is getting children school supplies… to offering encouragement and support to the gay, lesbian and bisexual community… to providing financial and emotional assistance to families dealing with terminal illness... or to helping companies strive to be more environmentally safe. Our goal has always been to help people, not out of pity but out of duty. We believe that it is the responsibility of those with means to help those without. You have all been invited tonight because your generosity has enabled many of these charitable organizations to continue the good work that they do."

Everyone starts clapping as Esme steps aside and Carlisle steps forward.

"Today we would like to welcome the newest charity into our midst. But before we do that we would like to share some interesting facts with you. Every 9 seconds in the United States a woman is beaten or assaulted. Everyday more than three women are murdered by their husbands or boyfriends. Domestic Violence is now the leading cause of injury to women, more so than car accidents, muggings, and rapes combined. Nearly 1 in 5 teenage girls who have been in a relationship indicate that their boyfriend has threatened violence or self-harm if they say they are going to break up with them and studies suggest that up to 10 million children witness some form of domestic violence annually." He pauses and glances at me, offering me a small smile before turning back around to face the crowd

"Research from 10 different countries including the United States show that between 55 to 95 percent of women who were physically abused by their partners never contacted any non-governmental agency, shelters or the police for help. These numbers are of grave concern to my wife and I, which is why we are supporting an organization called Swan House."

Esme steps back up to the podium.

"Swan House will be a safe house for women and children who have been exposed to violence. It will offer safe beds until a shelter or other arrangements can be made, counseling services, support groups for both women and children and financial and legal assistance if needed." She glances at our table and smiles, "Over a year ago a beautiful young woman entered our lives and showed us the true meaning of strength and endurance. She made us realize all that we took for granted and is the inspiration for this endeavor. Please welcome, Dr. Isabella Marie Swan."

Everyone starts clapping and I am glued to my seat.

"Baby, it's okay. Just speak from your heart." Edward whispers close to my ear, then brings my face to him and kisses me softly.

I close my eyes for a moment and then stand up, walking towards the podium. When I get there, first Esme and then Carlisle gives me a hug. They step back as I walk behind the podium. I bring out a sheet of paper that Dr. Jackson helped me put together. I spread it out on the podium. I glance down and clear my throat as I silently read the words I have written.

Breathe in. Breathe out.

I am a strong and powerful woman.

Breathe in. Breathe out.

I am a survivor.

Breathe in. Breathe out.

I am LOVED!

I smile and look out at everyone. "I would like to take a moment before I begin to thank a couple of people because I am sure by the time I am done I will be blubbering like an idiot." I say, chuckling lightly as I hear some laughter in the audience.

"I would first like to thank Carlisle and Esme for doing this wonderful thing and for believing in me. I know I don't always make it easy." I turn to our table, "To my friend Rose, thank you for understanding me and for always standing up for me. To Alice, thank you for being that ray of sunshine in my life. It is impossible to be sad in your presence. To Emmett and Jasper, thank you for accepting me, the good the bad and the ugly and for treating these two lovely ladies like the goddesses they are." All four of them smile at me and I can tell that Alice is already wiping her eyes.

"I want to thank my mom and Phil for coming all the way out here from Florida to see me. I'm sorry I never told you this but Phil, thank you for loving my mom and for always treating her right. When I was young I used to wait to see when your true colors would show but it turns out your true colors were as bright and vibrant as my moms." Phil nods at me as he pulls my mom into a hug, as she cries against him.

"Finally… to my beloved. Edward you will forever be my one true love. You have shown me that the world is not always a bad place and when it is that we will weather it together. My heart and soul will always be yours. I love you." He smiles and mouths _I love you_ to me.

I turn back to the audience and look down at my paper, re-reading it before looking back up.

"When Esme asked me to do this I was a bit confused. I am no one special. Oh I know I am special to the ones at that table over there and behind me but to the average person who am I really and why should you care what I have to say? I don't have answers to the questions you seek. I don't understand theories and haven't developed any new treatments that will stop men from hitting their women and children. I am not that kind of doctor. I am a surgeon; the people I see don't talk to me. Well, if they do I am in serious trouble." I hear people chuckle.

"All I know is that when I was 8 my life changed. My father was killed in the line of duty and I moved to Seattle with my mom. That in and of itself was not bad. She met a nice enough man and things seemed okay." I look down, reading over my paper and then looking out to the audience, "When I turned 12 my mom married James. He was a smart and prominent attorney and I suppose some people may even say attractive. He was wealthy and he promised my mother the world, except he didn't tell her what the world would cost. Within six months of moving in with him he began beating her and a few months later he began beating me as well. Oh, the beatings I could handle but it was the cruel things he would say that stayed in mind. For the next year James beat and raped my mother on a weekly basis and beat me every chance he could get. We lived in fear all the time. Simple things like being able to cry when you are sad and hurt were denied us. One day…" I pause looking over my paper again. I glance up and over at our table and Edward is watching me. He mouths _I love you_ again and I smile, taking another deep breath.

"One day I tried to defend my mother and he beat me literally to death. I died twice that day and was brought back to life. Later I found out that he raped and beat my mother as well. He couldn't get out of this and was sent to prison. Although I had a restraining order against him when he got out of prison he stalked and harassed me for years until one day he kidnapped me and tried to kill me." I pause again, trying to get my words together. I hear mumbling and a few gasps in the audience as people are no doubt piecing together my story with the story of James' death. The papers left my name out of it but now they are realizing who I am.

"The other day my mother told me that I was stronger than she was because I went on to college and became a doctor. I didn't let James stop me from that but the reality is that it was her that was the stronger one." I glance at my mom and take a deep breath before turning to the audience again, "After what happened with James I turned to alcohol and later sex to deal with everything. I never felt worthy of friendship or love. I built a wall around me that no one was allowed over. I did my best to keep people at a distance, never allowing myself to get close to anyone." I turn back to my mom, "So you see, YOU were the strong one. You allowed yourself to love and be loved. You started a new life with Phil and didn't let what James did haunt you. I couldn't do that. I was so lost and afraid." I stop, the tears freely flowing.

Before I have a chance to register anything else, Edward has me in his arms, whispering that he loves me over and over again. I take a deep breath, trying to steady my tears. I turn towards the audience and Edward steps back some but I grab his hand. He leans forward and whispers that he will stand behind me and I know that no matter what that will always be true.

"I told you I would be blubbering like an idiot." I say trying to smile and I hear some chuckling and nose blowing.

"It took me a long time to see that the person that James said I was, was not really who I was. That I was more, so much more. It took a lot of love and support to get there though. It was not an easy journey for me. I was resistant to change. I was afraid for so long and I masked that fear with indifference. When I found someone who would love me, in spite of my flaws, I didn't trust it. I was constantly waiting for the end, for him to hurt me. Thankfully that never happened though and through therapy, patience and love I can stand here before you and say without any doubt in my mind and heart that what happened to me was not my fault. It was not my mother's fault. It was James's fault." And for the first time in my life I truly believe that. I pause, wiping my eyes and breathing in deeply.

"Thank you for being here tonight and for donating so generously to all of these wonderful organizations. I hope that it is not a one-time thing for you and that every year you are all invited to this event." I take another deep breath, wiping under my eyes again, "I would like to end by saying this. If you suspect that someone is being hurt please call someone. Report it. Do something. No woman or child deserves to feel like I did growing up. If you can stop it... DO! Thank You."

I say stepping back and taking Edward's hand in mine. When I turn around everyone is standing up and clapping as he walks me to our table. When we get there every damn person is crying including Phil, Emmett and Jasper. I sit down, looking around at everyone as Edward runs his fingers along my shoulder.

"Hey I did that without cursing. I think that must be a first for me." I say smiling, trying to lighten the mood at the table. Everyone laughs while Alice and Rose continue to wipe their eyes.

"Okay fine… have the chocolate." Rosie says tossing it at me.

"SWEET!" I exclaim and smile at her, mouthing _thank you_. She knows it's not for the chocolate but for her friendship.

Edward then leans over to me and kisses me softly. I did it and an overwhelming peace and tranquility filters through my heart and soul. I am no longer a prisoner to what James did. I am finally free. Free to live; free to love, and free to be who I am meant to be.

A few moments later Esme announces that her son will be playing a few songs for everyone's enjoyment. I sit mesmerized as I watch him play a haunting rendition of Debussy's Clair De Lune and I feel tears in my eyes remembering him playing that at the cottage the night he told me he loved me. He then moves into a rendition of Mozart's Concerto 21 and a few other songs I don't know and then ends with another Debussy song, that for the life of me I can't remember the title of, but I know we have listened to it before. When he is done everyone claps and he stands up and bows to everyone. He then turns to me and pats the seat next to him on the bench.

"I want to play you a song Isabella." He says in that sweet melodious voice of his.

He starts playing and I recognize this song but it sounds different. It's much slower. He plays the chorus several times, every so often turning to me and smiling. He clears his throat and starts singing to me.

_If I wrote you a symphony  
><em>_Just to say how much you mean to me  
><em>_If I told you, you were beautiful  
><em>_Would you date me on the regular?_

_Well baby I've been around the world  
><em>_But I ain't seen myself another girl  
><em>_This ring here represents my heart  
><em>_But there's just one thing I need from you_

_Because, I can see us holding hands  
><em>_Walking on the beach our toes in the sand  
><em>_I can see us on the country side  
><em>_Sitting on the grass laying side by side  
><em>_You can be my baby  
><em>_Let me make you my lady, girl you amaze me  
><em>_Ain't gotta do nothing crazy  
><em>_See all I want you to do is be my love_

I have my hand over my mouth, closing my eyes. Is he seriously proposing to me with a Justin Timberlake song while playing the piano? He continues playing, smiling at me and pretty soon there are people gathering in the area but not directly near us.

_Now if I wrote you a love note  
><em>_And made you smile with every word I wrote  
><em>_Would that make you wanna change your scene?  
><em>_And wanna be the one on my team  
><em>_See, what's the point of waiting anymore?  
><em>_Cause girl I've never been more sure  
><em>_This ring here represents my heart  
><em>_And everything that you been waiting for_

_Because, I can see us holding hands  
><em>_Walking on the beach our toes in the sand  
><em>_I can see us on the country side  
><em>_Sitting on the grass laying side by side  
><em>_You can be my baby  
><em>_Let me make you my lady, girl you amaze me  
><em>_Ain't gotta do nothing crazy  
><em>_See all I want you to do is be my love_

He continues playing the music as I watch him in awe. When he is done, he throws his leg over the bench and reaches into his pocket, pulling out a ring box. I feel the tears already coming down my cheeks before he has even said a word.

"Isabella Marie Swan… You are everything to me and I want to spend every day of my life holding you in my arms, comforting you, and giving you all that you desire. I cannot imagine a life that doesn't have you by my side. You are my love, my heart, and my soul until the day that I die. I promise to take care of you, to love you, and to cherish you forever. Will you marry me?" He says, swallowing hard as he brings the ring box forward.

He opens it up to reveal a stunning aquamarine engagement ring with diamonds on each side of it. He hesitantly places the box in my hand and I look down at it and then back up to him.

"Yes."

He smiles radiantly at me, placing the ring on my finger while everyone around us starts clapping. I take his face in my hands and kiss him deeply, my fiancé, my soon to be husband. Sixteen months ago I didn't see myself capable of love, let alone worthy of it and now as I sit here with him I know that I have finally found my home.

* * *

><p><strong>AN… My oh my… This has been such an emotional journey for us all and I want to say thanks for riding with me. I will save the rest of my thank you's for the epilogue which I will post on Friday. Special shout out to LayAtHomeMom who suggested the Paula Cole song…GOOD CALL! Melbie Toast made a phenomenal video for that song that is scrumdelicious so check it out. I posted it with the pics for this chapter... Don't forget to send me some love, let me know how you liked the final chapter. **

**One last plug… my girl Amanda wrote two stories for two different one shots.**

**The first story is for the Age of Edward contest and it's called The Broadway Mob (Story ID 7833100)… It is the summer of 1929 and I am in love with an untouchable girl, a mafia princess. I'm just a lowly bootlegger who supplies her father's club. This is why I find myself on my knees in the basement with a gun to my head. *Age of Edward 2012 Entry* … voting for the contest is on the following link…http:/www dot ageofedward dot com**

**The second story is for The Truly Anonymous Twilight One-Shot Picture and Prompt Contest. Since it is anonymous I can't tell you which one it is but check out the entries at … http:/ficcontest dot info**

**Laters, Baby!**


	57. Epilogue

**Rating: M- For lemons (lots of them), language and situations. So this means if you're under 16 please be responsible for yourself.**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer is the sole owner of the world of Twilight. I am just having a little harmless fun with her characters.**

**Once again thank you to my amazing Beta's A & C for your guidance, encouragement & support. This could not have been done without either of you. There are no pictures for the epilogue but I did create my own video for the song I used here so I hope you like it.**

**This takes place 10 years later. I'll see ya at the end!**

* * *

><p>I'll be your dream, I'll be your wish, I'll be your fantasy<br>I'll be your hope, I'll be your love, be everything that you need  
>I love you more with every breath, truly madly deeply do.<br>I will be strong, I will be faithful 'cause I'm counting on a new beginning  
>A reason for living. A deeper meaning, yeah.<p>

I want to stand with you on a mountain; I want to bathe with you in the sea.  
>I want to lay like this forever, until the sky falls down on me<p>

And when the stars are shining brightly in the velvet sky  
>I'll make a wish, send it to heaven, then make you want to cry<br>The tears of joy for all the pleasure and the certainty  
>That we're surrounded by the comfort and protection<br>Of the highest power, in lonely hours, the tears devour you

I want to stand with you on a mountain; I want to bathe with you in the sea.  
>I want to lay like this forever, until the sky falls down on me<p>

O' Can you see it baby?  
>You don't have to close your eyes 'cause it's standing right before you<br>All that you need will surely come

Truly, Madly, Deeply by Savage Garden

**Epilogue**

**EPOV**

God! Why did I agree to teach this class? Oh yeah… the dean asked me to. I sigh loudly. I should be at home with Bella and the kids, getting ready to go to the aquarium. I smile and glance at my desk, cluttered with pictures of my life. I touch a picture of Bella in her wedding gown. God she was so beautiful! I grin as I scan over various events over the past 10 years. We have had our ups and downs but mostly we have had a good life so far and I wouldn't change any of it. I smile as I pick up the latest school pictures of the children. Robert is almost 9 and Brett just turned 8. Robbie looks a lot like me but he has Bella's eyes and personality, strong willed and passionate. Lady B, which Bella dubbed Brett before she was even born, is the spitting image of Bella but Bella says she is definitely Daddy's girl. That is so very true. She always has a book in her hand, lost in her own world and very much a worry wart. I close my eyes remembering when we decided on their names.

"_If it's a boy let's name him Edward." Bella says as she holds the ultrasound picture up so that both of us can see it._

"_No way!" I say adamantly. _

_I don't want my son to be a junior. I want him to have his own sense of self without the obligation of carrying 'a name'. Well at least that's what my father had told my grandpa when they decided to name me Edward instead of Carlisle. Why should that be any different for me?_

"_What if it's a girl, can we name her Isabella?" I say kissing the top of her head._

_She whips her head around quickly, glaring at me. "Hell NO! We are not naming a child after me." She says just as adamant as I was._

"_Well, we have plenty of time to decide." I say smoothing out her furrowed brow._

_She leans back against me and a few minutes later she jumps away from me, bouncing on the couch and I can't help myself. My eyes wander to her tits moving up and down in her tank top. She grins at me and then brings my head up with her hand._

"_Focus…Mr. Cullen!" She says smirking._

"_Sorry." I say sheepishly, but run my fingers over her breasts anyway watching her sharp intake of breath as my fingers pass over her nipples. _

"_How about… Robert Jordan if it's a boy, after your favorite character?" She says smiling._

_I can't help but grin, touched that she would want to do that. Knowing how much I adore Hemingway and __For Whom the Bell Tolls__. That is a perfect name!_

"_And if it's a girl, Brett Ashley, after your favorite character." I say pinching her nipples._

_She grins, "Mmm… We can call her Lady B." She says as she straddles my lap and brings her mouth to mine. I don't tell her that Lady B sounds like a Domme name because that may be why she likes it. I don't care. Right now I just need to be deep inside of her._

I blink a few times. And then smile. After I proposed she stopped getting the shot and wouldn't you know it. Bella got pregnant right away. Emmett and Jasper kept telling everyone that we were having a shot gun wedding because I knocked her up. Those two are still crazy. And of course Bella and I have absolutely no ability to resist one another so she got pregnant with Brett a few months after having Robert. So for four weeks out of the year the two of them are the same age. Yeah, she was actually mad at me for a while on that one. She had her tubes tied after Brett, saying she didn't want any more children. I sigh remembering that as one of those down times. We argued constantly about that. It's been the only issue we have actually fought about over the entire time we have been together. I wasn't happy and did my best to convince her to change her mind but ultimately it was her decision and I needed to support it even if I didn't like it. I pick up the picture I just framed remembering our trip to Whidbey Island for Brett's birthday just a few weeks ago.

"_Dad… shhhh, they're going to hear us." Robbie says. He's so competitive and intense. I sometimes can't believe how much he is like Bella. But he's right so I stop my giggling; knowing Bella is going to kick my ass later. I grin in anticipation. Maybe she'll…_

"_Dad… Pay attention!" My son says again as we creep towards them._

_Bella and Lady B are lying side by side on the blanket just a little ways up on the shore. Brett is pointing to the sky and I can tell that she is telling her mom a story about the clouds. It's such a perfect image and I am torn with wanting to grab my phone to take a picture of them and doing what Robbie and I had planned. Robbie nudges me and I turn to him, smiling as I motion for him to go on the count of three. _

_1… 2… 3… and we jump out in front of them. Brett starts screaming, flailing her arms around as Robbie and I shake our crazy hair over them, wetting their faces. Yep, Robbie was blessed with the same chaotic mess that I have. Poor boy!_

"_Edward… Damn it!" Bella screeches and then covers her mouth quickly._

_I crawl over her, shaking my head some more and sprinkling more water on her beautiful face._

"_Did you just say a bad word?" I smirk at her and then look at the kids who are grinning and laughing. "Okay kids, you know what to do."_

"_No, no, no, no. Edward, wait!" She says quickly trying to get away from me._

_I just shake my head and hold her in place as all three of us attack her, tickling her relentlessly. When the kids were young she cursed all the time. That's just Bella. Well, until Robbie got into trouble at school because he said fuck in his kindergarten class. She felt so guilty after that incident and told me she wanted to stop cursing so we came up with the rule that if she said a bad word we got to tickle her. It worked too because she doesn't curse hardly ever anymore, mostly during sex which well, the kids don't hear. _

"_Okay, okay… I'm sorry." She says, laughing._

_When she is out of breath and everyone is exhausted from laughing I drop down next to her, kissing her lightly on the lips several times. We hear both of the kids groan and I vaguely hear them say they are going into the water. I throw my leg over her and run my hand through my wet hair leaning down and kissing along her jaw and neck._

"_I love you Mrs. Cullen." _

"_I love you too my sweet husband." She says as she runs her hand into my hair bringing me in for another kiss. "But…You know I'm going to get you back for that." She smirks before capturing my mouth with hers. Mmm… I am so looking forward to that!_

"Daddy!" Brett screams as she runs through my office door followed by Robbie and Bella.

I swoop her up, giving her Eskimo kisses as she giggles against me. Robbie comes up and hugs me and Bella leans in to kiss me softly on the lips.

"What are you guys doing here? You're supposed to be at the aquarium." I say confused but happy they are in my office.

"We couldn't go without you daddy." Lady B says with the most serious expression on her sweet face.

"Yeah… so we asked mom if we could come visit you instead." Robbie adds, looking up at me.

"We brought you lunch daddy." Brett says kissing my cheek.

That's when I notice the picnic basket in Bella's hand.

"Kids, why don't you get everything ready for our lunch." Bella says and Lady B squirms out of my arms while Robbie takes the basket from Bella's hands.

Bella reaches her hand to my face. "We can't do a family thing if you aren't with us. It doesn't feel right." She says as she rests her head on my chest.

"Thank you baby." I say pulling her face up for a kiss.

After a few moments, we hear throat clearing and Robbie muttering something about us always kissing and then we hear a loud _Ow, you don't have to hit me_ from him. Bella and I grin at each other before looking over at them. Robbie is rubbing his arm and Lady B has her arms crossed in front of her, scowling at him. Well, that's definitely Bella. I smile and wrap my arm around Bella's shoulder and look at what they did. They have a table cloth spread out on the floor with four place settings, a bottle filled with tea, and sandwiches cut into triangles, with grapes, and cheese and crackers, along with mini cupcakes.

"Mom and I made the cupcakes daddy." Brett says with pride.

"Well… I did the sandwiches." Robbie says quickly.

I grin, remembering Alice and I trying to vie for Dad's attention when we were younger, until we realized he loved us both equally. I step away from Bella who is giggling at the two of them and walk towards our children. Leaning down I pick them both up, hugging them tightly until they start laughing.

"You both did a fantastic job." I say kissing them each on the tops of their heads.

We all sit down to eat and as I look around at everyone's smiling faces I know that my life is utterly perfect. I have a beautiful wife who I adore, two incredible children and the job of my dreams. I couldn't ask for more.

"Dad can I go to Uncle Em's this weekend? Danny and Carter have a new game I want to play."

I look at Bella who smirks. He probably already asked her and she deferred to me. I turn back to Robbie as he pops a piece of his sandwich in his mouth. Emmett and Rose are his Godparents and he loves spending time with them. Emmett and Rose married not long after Bella and me and began a family right away. Emmett said he wanted lots of kids and that's exactly what he got. He and Rose have five children. The oldest are a set of twins, Danny and Carter, who are 8 and Robbie's best friends. Of course once Frankie came into the picture the four of them have been inseparable. Then there is Amanda and Christy who are now 6 and 5 respectively and the youngest is 3. His name is Michael but everyone just calls him Taz because he is like the Tasmanian Devil, running around, getting in to trouble. If ever a kid had ADHD it was him. He is a hoot though. He looks exactly like Emmett and from Em's descriptions of his childhood it sounds as if he acts like him as well. After the twins were born Rose never went back to work. She stayed at home with the kids. Emmett volunteered to do that but Rose literally hit him and told him to shut up and get to work. Those two are nuts!

"Well, we are all supposed to get together at Grandma and Grandpa's on Sunday for Frankie's birthday." He looks at me with Bella's eyes and I am hopeless. "Um… yeah, I suppose that is okay if it is okay with your Aunt and Uncle."

He smiles and pumps his fist. I swear these kids can work me without any effort what so ever.

"Awww… Can I go to Auntie's then? She can bring me to the party on Sunday." Lady B pouts.

"Yeah, then Frankie can come over too!" Robbie says enthusiastically.

Well, now I can't help but be a little excited. That would mean Bella and I would have the house to ourselves, hmm, we could open the toy box. Oh hell, we haven't done that in a while and I feel myself twitch in my jeans at the thought. I glance at Bella and she is smirking wickedly. Oh yeah. She is thinking the same thing as me.

"If Alice says okay… You know how she gets before a party." Bella says smiling at our daughter who is now bouncing up and down in anticipation. She loves going over to Alice's house.

"She'll say yes and then I can help her get everything ready." Lady B is already giddy with excitement.

After Alice and Jasper got married they found out they couldn't have children due to some illness Jasper had as a kid. They were heartbroken but Alice being Alice found a way to make it work. She and Jasper adopted a group of three siblings who lost their family in a fire in Texas, near the town that Jasper grew up in. Well, in actuality they are Jasper's 3rd cousins I think. They are related in some way so needless to say Jasper's family was ecstatic that the children would still be raised as Whitlock's. At the time of the fire, the oldest, a boy named Frankie, was 6 while his sisters, Sammie and Erin, were 3 and 18 months respectively. Frankie was most affected by the fire and subsequent adoption and required a lot of counseling to deal with everything but he is so much better now and just adores Alice and Jasper. The two girls only know Alice and Jasper as their parents so it was an easier transition for them. But I will say this, my sister and Jazz never once doubted what they needed to do and love those children unconditionally. Well, we all do. The children all know that they are adopted as Jasper and Alice make sure that they remember their birth parents. In fact every year they light candles for them on the day they died. But the reality is they are my nieces and nephew, period. They are family, no ifs, ands or buts about that. The children are now 10, well on Sunday Frankie will be 10 and the girls are 7 and 5. My parents are throwing a big birthday bash for Frankie this weekend. Being the oldest grandchild definitely has its perks.

"Professor Cullen?" My assistant says as she walks into my office. "I have those papers you requested."

I look up at her and smile. Her name's Sondi and she is the best TA I could have ever asked for. She keeps me on my toes and has been a Godsend with helping me grade and even teaching for me on occasion. She sets the papers on my desk and turns to Bella, smiling widely.

"Hi Mrs. Cullen." She says softly.

"Hi Sondi… How's your thesis coming along?" Bella asks with a smile

"It's going well Mrs. Cullen. Thanks for asking." Sondi says looking down and trying to stifle her giggle.

"Sondi... How many times have I asked you to call me Bella?" Bella chastises her.

"A lot." She replies blushing.

"You make me feel very old when you call me that." Bella says before taking a sip of her tea.

"Bella you don't look old at all." Then I hear her mumble something and I just shake my head.

Did I mention Sondi is a lesbian? Ya… Well, she definitely has the hots for my wife and she loves that Bella always asks her about school. When I told Bella that I thought Sondi had a crush on her, Bella just laughed and said she liked her even more now. Bella will be 41 this year and looks just as beautiful now as she did 10 years ago. Oh, she has a few wrinkles here and there and some grey hair but I think that just makes her even more stunning. Bella always tells me I'm biased, well, I am but she still takes my breath away and as I look over at Sondi, apparently her as well.

"Hey kids… do you want to go to the arcade?" Sondi says regaining her composure and getting on her knees to meet them at eye level.

Both kids look at each other and then her then Bella and me. I smile and get up, pulling my wallet out and handing them each a ten. Those kids jumped up from the ground so fast you would have thought they had a spring underneath them. They hug Bella and I and are out the door quicker than I thought possible. Bella gets up and walks over to my desk motioning for me to come over to her. I grin as I strut over, standing between her legs.

"So… we will have the house to ourselves this weekend. Whatever will we do?" She says seductively, wrapping her legs around my waist and pulling me closer to her.

"Mmm…" I whisper as I start kissing down her neck, "I am sure we can think of something." I start nibbling on her ear, "Perhaps, something in the toy box will inspire us." I say huskily in her ear.

She starts moaning as she brings her hands up the nape of my neck, bringing my mouth to hers. She uses her legs to pull me as close to her as possible as she darts her tongue into my mouth. She slips her hand to my cock which is straining to get out, running her hand over the outline of my shaft and moving her thumb back and forth over my head. All I can do is moan and grind into her hand, wanting her desperately.

"Sit in the chair." She says, her voice rough with need.

I quickly walk to the door locking it and practically leap into my chair, unsnapping my jeans and releasing my aching cock. I run my hand over my throbbing shaft as she lifts her skirt, slipping her panties off.

"Mmm, baby… You know I love it when you touch yourself." She walks over to me, taking my cock in her hands, "You are so sexy." She says bringing her mouth to mine and guiding me to her entrance as she comes down slowly on me.

She moans sexily and then leans back, holding on to the desk. Oh God! I grab her hips and pull her into me. She throws her head back as she arches up to me. Mmm… she feels so good. She always feels so damn good. I run my hands underneath her shirt, pushing her breasts out of her bra and running my thumbs over her nipples, flicking her rings. When she had the kids she took them out while she was nursing and then didn't get them back right away. I basically begged and pouted until she finally put them back in. What can I say? They really turn me on.

I bring my hands down to her hips as I shift my position so that I can hit her spot. I start pumping into her and I know I hit it because she screams out. God I love when she does that! All of a sudden the chair starts moving and she almost falls but I catch her before she does. She lifts her head arching her brow at me and I smile.

"Sorry baby… Hold on." I say swallowing hard.

I move the chair back into the right position and then grip onto the sides of my desk for leverage. She takes her legs and tucks them into the arms of the chair and I start thrusting again as she drops her head back, moaning.

"Oh baby… YES!" She says as she lifts her head, watching me move in and out of her.

I am using the desk to hold me in place while I thrust into her, starting out slow and picking up speed as I get my balance. I am panting hard as I watch the expression of lust on her face.

"Baby…" She grunts, "Fuck me baby, faster… Mmm." She moans.

I start moving even quicker watching my cock disappear and resurface all shiny, glistening with her arousal. Oh God! That is so hot. She throws her head back moaning loudly as her back arches, her orgasm ripping through her. I groan watching her come undone. The feeling of her walls squeezing and releasing my cock are my undoing as I groan, releasing my seed within her.

I run my hand up her back and pull her onto me. She rests her forehead against my chest, breathing raggedly as I kiss the top of her head. She looks up at me, giving me that sexy smirk she always has after we have had sex. I breathe in, smiling as I bring my mouth back to hers. We sit there kissing for a long time and I am hit once again with the knowledge that I really am the luckiest man on earth.

"Baby…I'm going to let Sondi teach class this afternoon." I say against her lips.

"Mmmmmm..." She mumbles against my mouth.

I breathe her in, knowing that there is no place I would ever want to be than with her. I pull away slightly, kissing her chastely as I take in her beautiful face. She's still the love of my life, my beautiful wife, my heart and my soul. We have been through so much together but our love has remained strong. I can't wait to see what the next 10 years has in store for us.

"I love you Isabella." I whisper, my voice choked with emotion as she smiles up at me.

"I love you too, Edward, always." She says with conviction.

She runs her fingers slowly along my jaw and then over my lips. I close my eyes, knowing she will always be everything to me. She and the children are my world and nothing will ever come close to what I feel in this moment.

"Take me home." She says softly and all I can do is nod as all my words get lost in my throat.

* * *

><p><strong>AN… hey everyone… so this is it. I thought it fitting to end the story at UW, after all they have had so many wonderful memories there *wink, wink* I hope you liked the glimpse into their future. I have truly loved getting to know all of you through these characters. I have had the best times chatting with many you. ****I will do a few outtakes and am writing a short novella for all my dirty girls who love a bad ass Daddy C…LOL...but if you have any ideas or suggestions let me know. Anything you just have to know or want to see I will do my best to hook you up. And yes Chris I am seriously considering your request, although I am not sure I could survive it! **

**A special shout out to some of the faithful reviewers of TMH…**

**Rosylyn1213, jaycee12, blondmel47, kalinca62, stratocastic1969, whatsupwhimsey, sarawollin, LaPumukl, LayAtHomeMom, dowlingnana, carlisk, Gabtastic, ana rod, TheSpunkRansom, TD69, pmk kelly, rpattzgranny,crazy-chick-4life, ginkgo00, teambellaedward, cullengirl08, Dunedin girl, teamedwardforever1998 and countless others who have reviewed this story religiously. I have truly treasured your input, personal stories and suggestions. You gals rock so much!**

**Special thanks to my two betas Amanda and Christy for coming on this crazy journey with me and for constantly providing me with support and encouragement (and inspirational pictures *wink, wink*) and of course putting up with my OCD tendencies...LOL... I know I couldn't have done any of this without you two. Special shout out to my UK girl Corinne for all of our chats and your FB reviews of TMH. Love you chicka! And to all my Robssesed girls who lurk in the dark recesses with me…THANK YOU for making me feel normal :-)**

**Sooooo… as many of you know I am starting a new story called The Role of a Lifetime! I will be posting the first chapter next Friday and hope that you come along for another fun ride. The story will be strictly from Edward's point of view and will not be angsty although there will be a little bit of drama cause well… that's just how I roll…LOL... I am trying my hand at some lighter fare but don't worry. I have another story I will be writing after RoaL that will be drama and angst filled. But in the meantime check out: **

**Role of a Lifetime… Story ID: 7465177 ... **The blog for RoaL is… roleofalifetime-lovinrob dot blogspot dot com**  
>Edward was strictly on a no dating regime after his last dating fiasco ended abruptly. He still believed in the possibility of love though so when the beautiful brunette stepped into his computer store, he felt the stars align for him. But he soon finds out that even his beautiful Bella has some interesting ideas about... sex. Very interesting ideas. Edward had never heard of sexual role plays before Bella mentioned trying one. Will an experiment in desire turn into an exploration of love and acceptance. Come follow Edward and Bella as they play the role of a lifetime.<strong>

**Okay, hit me up with one final review, share some love for these two crazy kids. What was your favorite part of the story? And of course make sure to author alert me so you know when I put new stuff up. Until next time.**

**je vous remercie mes amis (Thank you my friends)  
><strong>**la fin (The END!)**


	58. Important Information

June 5, 2012

Hello my fellow readers and friends.

Many of you may know by now that there have been some problems over here at Fan Fiction Net but for those that don't let me recap briefly.

A group of kids started a group called the LawlClan. They have targeted Twilight FF and their goal is to remove stories that they don't feel meet the standards of FF Net. They reported many stories to the administrators of FF net who then proceeded to remove stories that were not meeting the guidelines. Now for the record, FF Net does state that sexually explicit language and situations are not allowed under the M rating and at this time they do not accommodate an MA rating. Their guidelines also say that they can remove a story that isn't meeting the rating guidelines. This part is not in question. Well, at least to me but what I do have problems with is that these stories were removed without giving the authors a chance to decide whether they would like to change their stories to meet the standards or remove them themselves. They were just removed without notice. In fact some stories were removed just because this group reported them even though the authors HAD been meeting the standards. It is very much a mess as this group of kids is causing havoc and in return many authors are leaving.

As you all know my stories are very explicit and I have no desire to change them or tone them down. They can't get me for grammar or anything like that as my amazing Betas make sure of that but they can get me for content as I know I am violating the M rating. So that being said, I opened an account at The Writer's Coffee Shop (TWCS) where I have posted all my stories. They have an NC-17 rating that does allow for lemons. Many authors are moving their stories over there and to other sites. I want it noted though that I will _**NOT**_ close my FF Net account as I do love it here and have made many delightful friends and have had such a wonderful time with all of you. But I also don't want my stories lost so if I am targeted and you can't find my stories hop on over to TWCS. My author name there is LovinRob1 … www dot thewriterscoffeeshop dot ?uid=59171

I will keep ROAL and TMH/TMH Outtakes here until they are removed but I will post my new stories over at TWCS. As many of you know I have a TMH Novella that will post beginning August 1st featuring the one and only Daddy fucking C and then I have another new story called A Dry Heat which I will begin posting in July when ROAL finishes. So if you are so inclined hop on over to TWCS and add me as a Fav author so you will know when I begin posting these other stories. And of course if you want to review TMH and ROAL there that would be appreciated as well :-) Special shout out to amandac3, kalinca62 and dishie for copying their reviews from FF net over to TWCS. Thanks girls...Love you lots!

Now… for the issues at hand:

So for the upcoming weekend June 8th and 9th for a 48 hour period we are asking people to ban FF net as a way to bring notice to them about what they are doing and how they are handling things. Twilight is I believe their second highest group of stories and if they didn't get any hits from any of us that would affect them and possibly make them take notice of the atrocious way they are dealing with their authors. I am asking that you all avoid FF net Friday and Saturday (these are the highest traffic days)… there are over 1000 authors and readers who will be banning FF Net during this time period, myself included. Because of this I will _**NOT**_ post the next chapter of Role of a Lifetime on Friday on FF Net but I _**WILL **_post it on TWCS so you can read it there and maybe check out the site. I will post the chapter to FF net the following Friday but I do urge you to avoid FF net, don't even go here, let them feel what it would be like if we all left.

Thank you everyone,

LovinRob

**Proudly participating in the**

**Banning FanFiction Net for 48 hours (6/8 to 6/9)**


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